Archive for creature

UFO Engineering, Mothman Sightings, Demon Trackers

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 5, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mothman

Just in time to distract us from a seemingly endless string of horrifying, political news cycles the creepy yet cool, Mothman returns to flitter around the spotlight.

According to a recent article on AbsoluteHistory.com, Mothman was not only seen but photographed. Here’s what the article, written by 1636wpczar, had to report…

Mothman

“It had been a Friday night like any other in Chicago for John Amitrano. As he took a step outside the bar where he was working, however, he apparently noticed something strange in the sky above him. And according to Amitrano, the figure looked just like an ominous creature that people have been claiming to see in the U.S. for the past 50 years.”

Mothman Museum

Mothman was in Chicago and was spotted by a guy leaving a bar? Doesn’t sound suspicious to me at all.

Old Style

While we all share a few gallons of Chicago’s Old Style™ (canned beer that tastes like a cryptid p*ssed in it — oddly, not a bad thing) and stagger out and look for the ominous creatures, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci documentaries/movies that may or may not look better when viewed under the influence of a few gallons of Old Style™…

Bob Lazar: Area 51 and Flying Saucers

BOB LAZAR: AREA 51 & FLYING SAUCERS (available now)
Former Government physicist Bob Lazar made headlines world-wide in 1989 when he came forward with his account of reverse-engineering an alien spacecraft for the U.S. Military. His testimony remains the most controversial and important UFO story of all time. The documentary explores Lazar’s groundbreaking claims and the devastating impact it has had on his life over the course of the last thirty years, including rare and never before revealed footage guaranteed to alter the landscape of the debate. He blew the whistle, shocked the world, then went silent — until now.

I’ve heard Bob Lazar’s story for some time now and I believe he not only worked on reverse-engineering captured UFOs, but actually got inside one and poked around. I only have one question: what was in the flying saucer’s glove compartment? The truth is out there and I want to believe.

Brutal Bigfoot

BRUTAL BIGFOOT (available now)
“Join the Searching for Bigfoot field team – led by ‘The Godfather of Bigfoot‘ Tom Biscardi, as they get more than they bargained for when investigating the disappearance of a hiker and the mutilation of a couple deep in the remote Arkansas countryside. During their search, Tom and his team are led to a top secret nuclear testing facility and mutated creatures that reportedly inhabit the woods surrounding the compound. Along the way they gain the unwanted attention of unknown government agents who watch their every move as they search for the truth behind brutal deaths and strange disappearances that are rumored to involve a very large creature.

This one came out a short whilst ago, but it slipped past my radar, mostly due to the fact Tom Biscardi is involved. The self-proclaimed “Godfather of Bigfoot” has been involved in several high-profile, epic FAIL Bigfoot hoaxes in the past and is pretty much a loudmouth out there once again trying to cash in on Bigfoot’s good name. Did it work? Scorecard: Bigfoot: 3 / Tom Biscardi: 0.

Demon's Path

DEMON’S PATH (December 22, 2018)
“The series follows a forensic pathologist who has the ability to see the last 10-seconds of life of the dead. Working together with a friendly exorcist and a policeman, they solve homicide cases. But as their investigations proceed, they become the target of a murderer.”

Never saw any of this popular series as it’s done in Hong Kong and my TV can’t reach that far. I think I need a bigger antennae (hold your jokes, please). The premise, though, seems to borrow from iZombie, wherein a zombie pathologist eats the brains of corpses brought into the coroner’s office and she adopts the personality traits of the dead personage and gets flashbacks as to how that personage died and who died ‘em.

The Demonologist

THE DEMONOLOGIST (January 1, 2019)
A detective is haunted by nightmares of his past and visions he cannot understand. When he investigates a string of brutal murders, he discovers a Cult that worships the four King Demons of Hell, who plan on bringing them forth to destroy the Earth. He must stop the Cult from starting the Apocalypse and finally come to grips with his birthright and destiny as The Demonologist.

Sounds like a rearranging of The Last Witch Hunter (2015) starring Vin Diesel. Man, that movie stunk as bad as a brutal Bigfoot.

Smack-Talking Computers, Possessed Ubers, The Curse of Seagulls

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

HAL

Remember HAL 9000 (Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic), the sentient super computer with a human personality, in the groundbreaking sci-fi movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey (which ironically was done in 1968)? Now CASE (Cognitive Architecture for Space Exploration) is making a new HAL — which spells doom for all us astronauts (I’m almost done with my online courses, so yeah, I’m an astronaut, b*tches!)

Hal/Who

2001: A Space Odyssey, as you likely know, was infamously produced and directed by fake moon landing movie maker, Stanley Kubrick from an Arthur C. Clark short story, Sentinel of Eternity (1951). In 2001, HAL, the computer not only talks, but talks back, overrides human commands and secretly has a directive to investigate a radio signal sent from that mysterious, featureless Monolith. (The Who — lunar British rock band — symbolically peed on it for the cover of their rhythmic beats album, Who’s Next/1971. Disrespectful, but very rock). The crew of Discovery One should’ve waited to see what happened to the staff of the deep space Nostromo in Alien (1979). Ash (Hyperdyne Systems 120-A/2 android), their super computer in the clever guise of a stink human, pulled the exact same sh*t and look what happened there.

CASE

Pretty much everybody (except me) owns their own personal HAL, though they call it Alexa/Siri/Google. My dire warning to you is to not trust any of those convenient smart home devices and make sure you don’t involuntarily get locked out of your house/deep space vessel.

HAL

While you contemplate machines taking over the world, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not digitally sever your oxygen hose…

Beyond White Space

BEYOND WHITE SPACE (December 14, 2018)
“The captain of a deep-space vessel makes a daring decision to go after a rare and nearly extinct species. His obsession soon jeopardizes the mutinous crew when the gigantic and deadly creature attacks the ship.”

Sounds like Moby Dick in space. The trailer is pretty cool — there’s a mega big gigantic huge Godzilla-esque monster floating around, looking for spaceship flavored snacks. The deep-space vessel may as well put a Fritos™ logo on the side of their ship.

Supergrid

SUPERGRID (December 18, 2018)
“Two estranged brothers travel the notorious ‘Grid’ in their quest to collect and deliver a mysterious cargo. En route they must contend with road pirates, rebel gangs, and each other.”

The plot of traveling across the danger-enhanced apocalyptic wastelands steal from dozens of other same-plot movies/TV shows, but also the morning work commute. 

The Car: Road To Revenge

THE CAR: ROAD TO REVENGE (January 8, 2019)
“In a dilapidated cyberpunk city plagued by crime and corruption, an unscrupulous District Attorney is savagely murdered and tossed out of a building onto his brand new car. Mysteriously, the District Attorney and his car come back to life as a single being with a thirst for vengeance. The eerie driver-less car embarks on a vicious rampage exacting revenge on the criminals who murdered him.”

They’re calling this a “stylized sequel” to the 1977 movie called, The Car, wherein a possessed vehicle runs people down and parks on their faces. The lead character was James Brolin, who later went on to The Amityville Horror infamy. He seems nice.

Curse of the Blind Dead

CURSE OF THE BLIND DEAD (2019)
“In the Thirteen century, a group of Satan worshipers, the Knight Templars, is captured during a ritual and brutally murdered by the locals. Just before the execution, the Knights swear to return from their graves to haunt the village and the nearby forest. Centuries later, in a post-apocalyptic future, a man and his daughter try to survive against both the Undead Knights and a sect commanded by a mad preacher.”

Sound familiar? It should — it’s a continuation of the early Seventies Italian-filmed Blind Dead series (Tombs of the Blind Dead/1971, The Return of the Blind Dead/1973, The Ghost Galleon/1974, Night of the Seagulls/1975). Blind dead Templar Knights out for revenge are certainly scary. But man, don’t get in a dust up with seagulls — those things always know when you wash your car and will unleash their coordinated crap attacks on your just-cleaned hood and door handle. (How do they manage such accuracy? Geez.)

Playing With Zombies, Frat Massacre, Mansion Monster

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Night of the Living Dead

As it is the 50th anniversary of the zombie cult classic, Night of the Living Dead (1968), CMON, Ltd. has acquired the license to turn the movie into a board game that includes miniature PVC figures, board, dice, tokens, coins and cards. What, no half-gnawed body parts?

Night of the Living Dead

A statement from CMON, Ltd. had this to say about that: “Night of the Living Dead is the quintessential zombie movie,” says Geoff Skinner, CMON’s VP of Media Development. “It’s an honor to work with such a property, and we are excited to be able to partner with Living Dead Media and Image Ten on creating a game worthy of the movie’s legacy.”

Night of the Living Dead

There was an unofficial NOTLD fan-made game that came out about 10 years ago. Created by Dennis L. Bishop and designed by Richard Dengel, the play was bare bones (no pun intended), but stayed faithful to the movie’s groove. Just sayin’.

While we impatiently wait for the new NOTLD game (releasing November 23, 2018), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not leave you bored/board…

Haunting on Fraternity Row

HAUNTING ON FRATERNITY ROW (November 2, 2018)
“A fraternity house throws their final party of the year, a massive Luau extravaganza, but when fraternity brothers and co-eds begin dying horrible deaths they discover an evil entity has taken over the house.”

A massive Luau extravaganza and an evil entity special guest? I just have one word for you — when and where?

Blood Bags

BLOOD BAGS (2018)
“A creature stalks the corridors of an abandoned mansion. Two friends break in and discover that all exits have been sealed off and the creature that hunts them is growing hungry for their blood; there is no escape.”

Hungry for blood? Shouldn’t that be thirsty for blood, as blood is kinda liquid-y? Need proof? Have you ever seen Dracula chew after downing a refreshing neck cocktail?

RAVERS (2018/2019)
“Ravers follows an illegal night-time rave, in a factory where contaminated energy drinks caused a worker to go fatally berserk, that turns into a nightmare. As a forgotten batch of the drink is found and consumed by drunken ravers, a truly terrifying physical transformation takes over and those unaffected try to escape in panic.”

Sounds like a spin on Office Uprising (2017) and the tainted energy drink scenario. But ravers who guzzle energy drinks already know that it makes them goon out — just watch ‘em dance. Truly horrifying.

The Head

THE HEAD (2019)
“A warrior travels wild expanses on horseback, pursuing the monster that murdered his daughter. His thirst for revenge is the driving force of a film constructed with very few elements, minimalistic and epic at the same time, where fantasy and horror find their more physical and gory incarnations.”

Horseback? Why didn’t just drive after the monster in a cool sports car? Heck, he could put his warrior fanny pack in the trunk, set the car on cruise control and kick back until it’s time to kick ass.

Hee Haw Horror

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hillbilly Monsters

In Hillbilly Monster (2003), the country creature looks like he came out of the nosebleed section at a South Carolina Tractor Pull & Swap Meet. (Try the deep fried cheese in the “food” court — surprisingly…fragrant.)

Hillbilly Monster

Made to do embarrassing stuff for a living at a traveling carnival, ’Billy escapes and ends up being counseled by a psychologist who helps him re-adapt to life outside the Big Top. Tough one — it’s gonna be hard to walk away from show business.

Hillbilly Monster

Made by the geniuses who did Grandparents from Outer Space (2003), so yeah, another one for the hand-held camera compost pile.

Sewer Clowns, Shark Mash-up, British Vampire

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pennywise

Hard to find a scarier horror icon than the new Pennywise from 2017’s mega-hit film, It. The movie made, like 12 billion dollars at the box office. I’m visibly shocked you never heard of it.

Pennywise

So MezcoToyz.com, looking to cash in, has designed a 15” tall/fully articulated Pennywise The Dancing Clown doll in shockingly cool detail. Even better — the darn thing spouts six of his famous lines. (My fav — “You’ll float, too!” I bet he came up with that line while slogging around the sewers and being inspired by other, um, stuff that floats.)

Pennywise

Yes, you need to own the M.D.S. Mega Scale Talking Pennywise — and it ain’t cheap; $98 circus coupons, according to their website. The figure can be pre-ordered on Mezco’s website [click here] and it’ll ship between March and May of 2019. That’s like next year, or something.

Pennywise

While you get an advance on your next paycheck, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not float like you when you’re slogging around the sewer…Tumbbad

TUMBBAD (December 10, 2018)
“In the rural village of Tumbbad, a decaying castle hides an immeasurable ancestral fortune guarded by something ancient, sinister, and monstrous. Vinayak thinks he can control it, but how long will it be until his own greed destroys everything he’s built?”

Yep, there’s a rumored treasure in this gigantic, spiderweb-y abandoned castle. And curse the luck — it’s down a deep hole where an evil thingamajig taunts you to take it, resulting in dire consequences. Like I would ever need goading, geez. Does ancient evil even know me?

Sharracuda

SHARRACUDA (2018)
“A small coastal town is suddenly attacked by a giant mutated shark. Three young metalheads, an unusual priest and a weird marine biologist decide to throw themselves in the pursuit of the creature with heavy artillery, blessed weapons and fierce fight. Is the monster an aberration caused by pollution, a government experiment or is he the manifestation of Satan? Who cares: The hunt is on!”

Not even sure if this one is out yet or not, despite my frantic clicking the computer mouse really fast. So a shark/barracuda hybrid monster. Sure, why not? Bonus #2: Apparently, the soundtrack is filled with underground death metal, hardcore, punk, doom and stoner bands from around the world. Forget the Sharracuda; the music alone will probably kill you.

The Vampyre

THE VAMPYRE (2019)
“A young Englishman and his sister fall prey to a dark and malevolent force.”

Okay, it’s like they’re not even trying to sell this one, which makes it YET ANOTHER boring vampire, I mean “vampyre”movie. (Spelling it different won’t make it any less boring.)

Tuftland

TUFTLAND (March 1, 2019)
“A headstrong textile student Irina accepts a summer job offer from the isolated and self-sufficient village of Kyrsyä, only to quickly realize that the offbeat hillbillies who inhabit the small town aren’t as harmless as they may seem.”

Never trust a hillbilly. Words to live by.

Meatloaf Monster

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 28, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godmonster of Indian Flats

The Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973) is neither. He/she/its an 8-foot mutant sheep born of the poisonous mustard-colored gas seeping from Virginia City’s old mine outside of Reno, Nevada, The Biggest Little City In The World™. (The have loose craps there.)

Godmonster of Indian Flats

The town’s historical/hysterical mayor wants to capture the misshapen creature and sell tickets to see this “Eighth Wonder of the World.” Hello — King Kong™ already owns that title, dumbass.

Godmonster of Indian FlatsProfessor Clemens and his plain-as-paint assistant Mariposa want to study the creature. Eddie, a down-on-his-luck shepherd, is standing by as he was the one who found the beast when it was just the size of a glistening meatloaf, claiming ownership. And Godmonster, kept in a glass incubator with mustard-colored gas being pumped in, grows about a foot a day. In height, not as in needing an extra shoe.

Godmonster of Indian Flats

Unfortunately, most of the movie is spent on an African-American real estate broker who is looking to buy the old mine for his clients, but meets resistance from the town’s old school ways. Mayor Silverdale is a racist and sets up Barnstable (the real estate dude — awful name) for a crime he didn’t commit just so he and his cronies can hunt it down and throw an old fashioned Texas necktie party.

Godmonster of Indian Flats

But Godmonster will not stand for such social prejudices. Breaking out of his confines, he shambles across the land, looking like the world’s most disgusting laundry basket with an oatmeal face. Mariposa, who raised him from the toaster oven, tracks the butt-ugly beast in hopes of convincing it to return to the lab. Of the numerous you-gotta-be-kidding-me scenes, it’s the one where Mariposa starts dancing with Godmonster as she tries to calm him down. Where’s mustard-colored gas when you need it?

Godmonster of Indian Flats

Two more scenes of mess destruction occur when the creature crashes a little girl’s outdoor birthday party, resulting in the dropping of hot dog and the scattering of potato chip. The second one is slightly more graphic, and ends with a gas station being blown up. If you’re gonna roast hot dogs, now would be the time to do it. 

Godmonster of Indian Flats

Eventually GM is surrounded by cowboys on horseback, hog-tied and put on display for profit. As Mayor Silverdale whips the crowd into a frenzy, they turn on him — and Godmonster, too. Guilt by association. Apparently, the slow-leaking gas affects humans just as much. Think of it as farting times a million.

Godmonster of Indian FlatsGodmonster, caught in the middle of it all, ends up in the garbage dump. All he wanted to do was rock hard and ride free, but The Man wouldn’t let him. I think there is a lesson to be learned here. If only I knew what it was.

Demonic Beekeeper, Horror TV, Holiday Shark

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

AHS: Apocalypse

Getting giddy for the upcoming premier of American Horror Story: Apocalypse. The teasers are eerie and stylishly cool, an AHS trademark. Kinda like expensive perfume TV commercials.

AHS: Apocalypse

Some background info in case you’ve been living under a rock: “American Horror Story: Apocalypse is the eighth season of the FX horror anthology television series American Horror Story. It will premiere on September 12, 2018. Series co-creator Ryan Murphy (Glee, Feud) has confirmed that the new season will be a crossover between Season 1 (AHS: Murder House) and Season 3 (AHS: Coven).

While we count down the days until TV becomes good again, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not stink like expensive perfume…

Santa Jaws

SANTA JAWS (available now/SyFy™ Channel)
“Trying to survive the family Christmas, Cody makes a wish to be alone, which ends up backfiring when a shark manifests and kills his entire family.”

Not surprised — the title alone has inspired countless memes, so it makes sense that someone would capitalize on it. Personally, I would’ve gone with Mama Shark, in tribute of Mother’s Day. If Mama Shark tells you to go clean your room and you don’t do it, the living room rug will likely need to be forensically vacuumed to get what’s left of your torso/face/leg meat out of the absorbent fibers.

What Keeps You Alive

WHAT KEEPS YOU ALIVE (August 24, 2018)
Jackie and Jules are a couple celebrating their first anniversary at a secluded cabin in the woods belonging to Jackie’s family. From the moment they arrive, something changes in Jules’ normally loving wife, as Jackie begins to reveal a previously unknown dark side — all building up to a shocking revelation that will pit Jules against the woman she loves in a terrifying fight to survive.”

Sounds more like a regular relationship than a horror movie. But then again, aren’t all relationships kind of a horror movie when you think about it?

Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel

HELL HOUSE LLC II: THE ABADDON HOTEL (September 14, 2018/Limited)
“The sequel picks up eight years since the opening night tragedy of Hell House LLC; still many unanswered questions remain. Thanks to an anonymous tip, an investigative journalist is convinced that key evidence is hidden inside the abandoned Abaddon Hotel. This evidence that will shed light on: the hotel’s mysteries, many unsolved deaths and disappearances.”

Didn’t see the first one, so I have little insight here. Hey, I was BUSY. Supergirl on The CW™ isn’t gonna watch itself. Did a bit ‘o research — Abaddon is defined as this: “In the New Testament Book of Revelation, an angel called Abaddon is described as the king of an army of locusts.” Sounds like a beekeeper.

The Dawnseeker

THE DAWNSEKER (September 4, 2018)
“2245, the Earth’s sun has dwindled and no longer provides the energy needed to sustain human life. Five hired mercenaries travel to an uncharted planet to collect a rare mineral known as stardust to replenish the dying star. After their spaceship crashes on the alien planet, they are stalked and hunted by a creature far more advanced than anything they have ever encountered before.”

Stardust is the hippie/druggie code name for cocaine. Sprinkle a pile of that on the dying sun and that thing will fire up and want to party. It’ll be a short party, though. Other than that, this one sounds suspiciously like The Predator.