Lunar Lunacy, Clown Exorcism, Celestial Gremlins

Besides inventing outer space, Tang™ and a couple of the nicer galaxies, NASA™ — National Aeronautics and Space Administration founded in 1958 — did something so cool, it’ll make you wanna apply to be one of their astronauts. (I tried, and they wrote back, “How about, astro-NOT?” Man, that’s cold.) Anyway, NASA™ designed horror/sci-fi movie posters based on real-life space stuff. It’s like they’re entertaining and teaching us — at the SAME TIME. Genius.

On their amazingly clever interactive Galaxy of Horrors web site, they have downloadable poster art with their science fact plot lines: Roasted Planet (“As HD 80606 b approaches its star from an extreme, elliptical orbit, it suffers star-grazing torture that causes howling, supersonic winds and shockwave storms across the planet”), Devoured By Gravity “(Lurking in our galaxy, approximately 6,000 light-years from Earth, is a monster black hole named CygnusX-1. Don’t get too close, or you’ll become its next meal!”)‚ and the super spooky, Gamma Ray Ghouls (“In the depths of the universe, the cores of two collapsed stars violently merge to release a burst of the deadliest and most powerful form of light – gamma rays. These beams are unleashed and shine a million trillion times brighter than the Sun.”)

And these are just a few of NASA’s™ “movies.” Click here to download free hi-res posters (Spanish versions available as well) and learn about the scary stuff right outside our Earthly confines/DYI space capsule. And while you put down your tasty simulated orange flavor powdered astronaut breakfast drink and do that immediately, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not seem “meh” compared to the real horrors of outer space…

HYPNOTICA / March 31, 2023 (VOD)

“A young psychiatrist tries hypnotism to save a patient but will soon wish to God he hadn’t.”

I tried to hypnotize a bartender once into over-serving me. If it wasn’t for him not at all being hypnotized, it might’ve worked.

CAMP BLOOD 666 PART 2: EXORCISM OF THE CLOWN / Out now (DVD), Release pending (VOD)

“Camp Blood is under new ownership as the updated Camp Blackwood. Locals hope to bury the infamous clown killer’s past, and release the victims from their torment. But when a pastor with ties to the previous grounds takes his church group out to make contact with restless spirits, wrath is all they are doomed to find. The clown killer is back, and this time he has an enemy of equal evil. His former cult followers have turned, as well as a vengeful witch, who will stop at nothing to see these titans of terror collide, and destroy anyone in their path.”

I thought the only restless spirits church people try to make contact with is Jesus ’n friends. Trying to find salvation with a clown killer (or “killer clown”) doesn’t seem like an astute spiritual business model.

SUMMONING THE SPIRIT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Carla and Deanas decide to escape the hustle of the big city and purchase a home in the remote forest. They have big plans for their new quiet life, only to find something much more sinister. The couple quickly realize that they are on the land of a cult, and the leader claims a telepathic connection to a legendary flesh-eating beast deep in the woods surrounding them. Carla and Dean are forced to uncover the terrifying truth of the cult’s prophecy.”

A movie with Bigfoot in it of all things. Though it’s really annoying they refer to BF as “flesh-eating.” Squirrel sausages or raccoon sliders, yes. Human skin? Very low on his palate’s flavor profile.

SPACE GOBLINS / Release pending 2023/2024 (VOD)

“The film is a soft reboot of the underground cult-classic Space Goblins (2020) animated film. Having been living off the grid for the last decade, Bounty hunters Gib and Gob find themselves being called back into action for what could be their very last assignment.”

Cool title. Cool plot? Remains to be seen. And that’s IF you decide to seen it.

Marvel-ous Apes, Blasphemous Kids, Murder Clowns

Planet of the Apes comic books have been around since the science fiction-y “gorilla-my-dreams” rom-com premiered back in 1968, the best of the batch coming from Marvel Comics Group™. Travel through the Hasslein Time Curve to this moment in time: Marvel™ announced they’ve reacquired the comics license to Planet of the Apes and will release the new comics in 2023. And these won’t be rehashes, but all new stories. If that doesn’t put a thrill in your banana hammock, then quite honetly, all is lost.

From Marvel™: “We’re thrilled to welcome Planet of the Apes back to the House of Ideas!” says Editor-in-Chief C.B. Cebulski. “The new saga in the pipeline is going explore the limits of what this beloved franchise has to offer through bold comics storytelling, and we look forward to setting foot on this new adventure!”

While you can’t wait to get your stinking paws on the first issue, here are a few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not have humans that can talk in ’em… 

SAVING GRACE / Out now (VOD)

“When Sarah becomes a remote carer to escape her violent city past, she discovers your demons can follow, turning tranquility into a terrifying nightmare.”

Yeah, that’s who I’d want to be my caregiver — someone with a violent past. On second thought…

DON’T DELIVER US FROM EVIL / January 10, 2023 (DVD)

“Two young convent girls become friends and decide to spend the summer together. However, their innocent bicycle rides and walks in the country soon develop a much more sinister side. Influenced by their reading of forbidden books, they decide to explore the world of perversion and cruelty. They find a victim and use their innocent appearance to seduce and destroy him. Once they have stepped over the line, they find it impossible to stop. And soon they are contemplating the ultimate evil act.”

This French horror “la flick” came out in 1971 and was hugely controversial and banned for blasphemy. Sounds like my junior high school rap sheet. Consequently, Don’t Deliver Us From Evil was never released in the States, where that kind of behavior is not only commonplace, but encouraged. To that end, you can now get it fully restored with extras wherever blasphemous DVDs are sold.

THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHILDREN / January 17, 2023 (VOD)

“Margaret and Ben take a weekend trip with two longtime friends and their two young children. Ben soon suspects something sinister is afoot when the kids start behaving strangely after disappearing into the woods overnight.”

Kids ALWAYS behave strangely. That’s what they do. They just went in the woods to practice.

HOUSE OF CLOWNS / Out now (VOD)

“A traveling haunted house attraction becomes a nightmarish prison of murder for contestants who agree to participate in a contest to be locked inside overnight.”

What do I get if I win? Hope it’s unlimited free admission to come back as many times as I want.

Evil Shindig, Teen Dead Speak, Human BBQ

Without hyperbole, this could be the best party ever in the history of the world: BruceFest, a three-day horror fan extravaganza featuring the legendary Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead — all of ‘em) and Ted Raimi (Evil Dead II, Ash vs Evil Dead, Deathly Spirits, Drag Me To Hell, lots more), is being held at Estes Park, Colorado’s Stanley Hotel (aka, The Overlook Hotel)…the one in The Shining (1980). From the mouth of The Bruce himself: “The Stanley inspired Stephen King to write The Shining when he stayed there. I love the fact that it’s supposed to be haunted.”

Here are the details: “Join us December 1— 3, 2022 for an intimate weekend with Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi and 350 true fans, featuring Watch With… live commentary movie screenings, game rooms, Sam Raimi prop collection, photo and signing ops, immersive altered reality game & scavenger hunt, cosplay costume contest, Dance of the Dead, and more!”

“Purchase your pass with a 3-night stay at The Stanley and you’ll get: a BruceFest 2022 poster, signed by Bruce! A photo with The King himself (that’s Bruce!), a $100 PER NIGHT food & beverage credit, and a limited edition BruceFest + Stanley Hotel swag bag! Book your hotel stay now by calling (970) 577-4076. The price? A mere $650, which, if you act NOW, can get a 2-for-1 ticket deal. Groovy! Needless to say, there’s a ton MORE information on the Stanley Hotel website (click here).

While we figure out YET ANOTHER weak excuse to borrow money from someone’s parents/bank/mafia to get tickets, here are few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be rentable on haunted hotel room TV screens…  

GROTESQUE / Out now (Tubi™)

“Mildred Moyer transforms from shy misfit to lovable psychopath when her back-alley plastic surgery is botched. Mildred unleashes brutal vengeance on all those who tormented her in the past.”

Lovable psychopath. That was my childhood nickname. Okay, probably not the “lovable” part. Just replace that word with “sh*thead.”

DARBY AND THE DEAD / December 2, 2022 (Hulu™)

After suffering a near-death experience as a young girl, Darby Harper gains the ability to see dead people. As a result, she becomes introverted and shut off from her high school peers and prefers to spend time counseling lonely spirits who have unfinished business on Earth. But all that changes when Capri, the Queen Bee of the school’s most exclusive clique, unexpectedly dies in a freak hair straightening accident, resulting in the obvious cancellation of her upcoming ‘Sweet 17.’ Capri, however, pleads with Darby from the other side to intervene and convince Capri’s friends to proceed with the party as planned. In order to appease the wrath of the undead diva, Darby must emerge from her self-imposed exile and reinvent herself — which along the way allows her to find new joy back in the land of the living.”

Even in death, teens are annoying. But spirit counseling the dead has been done before (looking in your direction The Sixth Sense/1999). Still, anticipating the “freak hair straightening” accident. Wonder if it’ll be as harsh as that time I tried it. Totally f’d up my Lemmy sideburns AND emo soul patch as well during the unexpectedly painful process. Probably shouldn’t have used Simple Green™.

HUMAN HIBACHI 2: FEAST IN THE FOREST / Release pending 2022 (VOD)

“A clan that lives deep in the woods have a taste for flesh. Through different tactics they find ways to lure unsuspecting campers or those that trespass on their land to their camp where they party and then butcher them for a good home cooked meal.”

Sounds twice as mouthwatering as Human Hibachi (2020), though I’d like to take a look at the menu to see what the appetizers and side dishes are.

HE NEVER LEFT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Gabriel is a criminal on the run with his girlfriend Carly. The couple seek shelter in a run-down motel, only to hear terrifying noises emanating from the adjoining room. Soon, they find themselves the unlucky target of the Pale Face Killer, a masked murderer who has been tormenting the small town for years.”

Terrifying noises emanating in run-down motels are called amenities.

A Decade of Drinkin’

Wednesday, June 9, 2010, 5:44 pm.

10 years ago to this day I started Drinkin’ & Drive-in, and began a decade long crawl through the gold-filled mud and muck of horror and sci-fi movies that’ve been my obsession since the Dawn of Mankind. And I say that without hyperbole. More or less.

The first blog written/posted was about one of my all-time fav monsters: Gamera, a Godzilla-sized turtle that could shoot flames out of his mouth AND ass. (I can do one or the other, but not both.) Outside of that, I really didn’t have a vision or goal with this blog, other than to blather on about horror movie stuff filled with mouth-twisting typos, 3rd grade grammatical errors and taking extreme liberties with the English language. (I tried Spanish but only managed to learn one word: “cerveza.” I picked the one word that has served me well.)

I’ve really enjoyed e-barfing in public. It’s almost as fun as farting in church. On that note, I’d like to thank long-time readers of Drinkin’ & Drive-in and some awesomely funny comments you’ve left me. (“May the devil guide my poop…” — that still cracks me up, Jon from NC.)

10 years is/was a good run. But now it’s time to say adiós amoebas. I’m off to pursue other life goals, like chasing parked cars, sponge diving in community swimming pools and collecting air. Future hobbies that will never generate any income includes putting out three e-books (already written), possibly another issue ManSplat magazine (been doing that longer than this blog, despite a 10 year absence), learning how to play the kazoo (man, those things are hard to tune), and generally doing loud stuff.

So now I leave you with a final post — feel free to finish this sentence…

“The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…”

Haunted Houses, Haunted Babies, Haunted Sailors

If you ever wanted to live in the Neibolt Street house (aka, the Well House), forget it — Pennywise, The Dancing Clown from It (2017) already squats there. If you’ve seen the movie, you already know what he does to trespassing guests. But skilled artist Lance Cardinal built an excruciatingly detailed one-of-a-kind miniature of the house (46”x 30”x30”), complete with light up interior and a full front yard and fences as seen in the pretty dang scary flick.

From Lance himself: “I really loved the film and thought the production design was amazing! As soon I saw this house in the film I knew I had to re-create it in miniature. The entire thing was created from scratch, using pictures from the set that was built for the film in Oshawa, Ontario, Canada.”

Amazingly, it took Lance two months to complete the iconic haunted house. The good news: he’s selling it. Find him on Facebook™ or e-mail him at lancecardinal75@gmail.com for the price and some other incredible pieces he’s putting up for snaggings.

While I go look for the Neibolt House on Zillow™ (crossing fingers it isn’t being used as an Airbnb™), here are few now available/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as scary as Pennywise’s downstairs toilet (kids aren’t the only things that float down there)…

THE CHILD REMAINS (available now)
“Inspired by the shocking true story of the infamous ‘Butterbox Babies’, an expectant couple’s intimate weekend turns to terror when they discover their secluded country inn is a haunted maternity home where unwanted infants and mothers were murdered. A twisted, disturbing supernatural thriller about the evil that lurks behind the colorful postcard.”

Makes sense that a couple expecting a rug rat would embark on an intimate weekend — no risk of getting knocked up, so go nuts. Okay, that sounded better in my head.

PLAY OR DIE (July 2, 2019)
“Lucas and Chloe, two passionate gamers, decide to participate to Paranoia, a very exclusive escape game. After solving a first riddle, they make it to the location of the finale in an abandoned mental hospital, lost in a frightening forest. There, four other participants are waiting on them. They soon realize that only one of them will get out of there alive.”

Yep, someone actually got paid to think up this story line. That person was overpaid.

ASHES (July 9, 2019)
“After a family’s estranged aunt passes away, they’re reluctant and creeped out to receive her cremated ashes. But when a series of supernatural misfortunes beset them, they’ll have to go through Hell to be rid of her angry spirit.”

Pffft — Just kick her in the ash hole.

THE LIGHTHOUSE (2019)
“The Lighthouse is a fantasy horror story set in the world of old sea-faring myths.”

Old sea-faring myths include octopus tickling games, sea horse rodeos, harpoon acupuncture, and topless mermaids sitting on ocean rocks while combing sand crabs out of their fore and aft hair with carelessly discarded clam shells.

Monster Pride, Extraterrestrial Daddy, Fondling Faeries

Cheers to Scream Factory™ for celebrating Pride Month with the re-release of The Babadook (2014) and a Pride rainbow variant of the Blu-ray cover. Not only do you get a top-shelf horror movie that came out of nowhere (okay, Australia), a portion of all sales in June are being donated to the Los Angeles LGBT Center. And at an affordable $19.95, snap ’em up quick as they’re limited to 2,500 copies.

If you haven’t seen The Babadook, here’s why you should: “A single mother, plagued by the violent death of her husband, battles with her son’s fear of a monster lurking in the house, but soon discovers a sinister presence all around her.”

Okay, so the press release doesn’t exactly inspire a sprint to the video store (whatever those are), or clicking like a madman online. But this one showed up on film critics’ best of year-end lists almost unanimously.

And while we celebrate all things Pride and Babadook-y, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be watchable by hysterical single moms with haunted kids…

DOLLS (July 2, 2019)
“A struggling children’s book author and his rebellious teenage daughter inherit a house where they find mysterious dolls in the attic, which prove to be more sinister than they first appear.”

Then don’t go into the attic. Or the basement. Or the tool shed out back. Or the bathroom after this movie takes a big steaming dump to match its storyline.

CARNIVAL ROW (August 30, 2019/Amazon Prime™)
“A Victorian fantasy world filled with mythological immigrant creatures. Feared by humans, they are forbidden to live, love, or fly with freedom. But even in darkness, hope lives, as a human detective and a faerie rekindle a dangerous affair. The city’s uneasy peace collapses when a string of murders reveals a monster no one could imagine.”

A streaming TV series, which means more binge watching, which also means more meaningful time spent on the couch. Wondering what they mean by “rekindling a dangerous affair” between a regular dude and a faerie; I’m all for it. Just think, a girlfriend with wings — you fly, I’ll buy. Heh.

AD ASTRA (September 20, 2019)
“An Army Corps engineer decides to go on an ambitious space mission to find out the truth behind the mysterious disappearance of his father, who set out on a journey to Neptune looking for signs of extraterrestrial intelligence, but never returned.”

Long way to go to get some closure on your daddy issues. Maybe he’s going off grid to keep from paying child support. Maybe Neptune’s not far away enough.

THE DAWN (2019)
“A young woman witnesses her father murder her family in the wake of World War I. Sent to live in a convent, she dedicates her life to the Lord. However, her demons follow and manifest themselves in ways which bring the nightmares of her past with her. ”

I hear there are no TVs or min-bars in convents. Bring on the demons.

The Art of Destruction, Copy-Cat Monsters, Cursed Clothes

Some new and/or wild Godzilla: King of the Monsters posters, this time from Japan, wherever that is. Speaking of, the Japanese seem to really get behind Godzilla for some reason. But hey, all Kaiju fans welcome.

Very artsy treatments of a monster that paints cities with his destruction brush. And speaking of, the scenes of destruction in Godzilla: King of the Monsters is deliciously epic. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I’ll only offer one spoiler — BUILDINGS GET KNOCKED DOWN! There, I said it. Not proud of myself for ruining the movie for you, but I couldn’t help myself.

The only criticism I have of G:KOTM is that I’m not in it. Heck, I’m not in any of the buildings the monsters knock down, either. So for that, only four stars instead of five. Sorry, but I have standards.

While you give me the stink eye, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as delicious as epic destruction…

MONSTER ISLAND (available now/SyFy™ Channel)
“As the world tries to stop a giant Kaiju bent on destruction more and more monsters appear — each one more terrible than the last — leaving mankind defenseless until our heroes reach out to a specialist versed in monster lore.”

You already know whose behind this obvious rip of Godzilla: King of the Monsters — Asylum Studios, globally known for not having an original idea in their collective heads. Modern day bootleggers, they is.

RECOVERY (June 4, 2019)
“The residents of a female drug treatment facility battle more than their own demons as a mysterious killer begins picking them off one by one.”

Trying to get sober AND battling a mysterious killer that doesn’t come in a bottle? Sounds like they picked the wrong day to quit drinking.

THE NIGHTMARE GALLERY (June 18, 2019)
“An anthropology professor investigates the sudden, suspicious disappearance of her star pupil. A mysterious collection of occult artifacts leads her on a nightmarish, Da Vinci Code-esque journey toward an unspeakable truth that will threaten her career, her marriage, and her sanity.”

Potential spoilers: the cult artifacts are beer caps, marking a nightmarish trail to The Tug Tavern. Once inside, The Tug’s irresistible happy hour threatens her career, her marriage and her sanity. And that’s just on Monday. (P.S. I already wrote about this one in its crowd-funding days — two years ago. Apparently, they got crowd-funded.)

IN FABRIC (2019/2020)
“In Fabric is a haunting ghost story set against the backdrop of a busy winter sales period in a department store and follows the life of a cursed dress as it passes from person to person, with devastating consequences.”

It’d be super funny if they swapped the cursed dress for cursed underwear. 

Godzilla — King of All Media, Kids vs. Aliens, British Heaven/English Hell

Even if you’ve only occasionally clicked in and out of this nearly 10-year-old blog-blog, a cursory glance will tell you I’m a freak for all things Godzilla. (And sweet, sweet beer.) So it won’t come as a surprise I’m tagging EVEN more Godzilla stuff on the eve of the worldwide premier of Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019).

This G-shout out is  for The Art of Godzilla: King of the Monsters (by Abbie Bernstein), a $25.00 and change (Amazon Prime™) hardcover book showcasing the conception art the new movie built itself on. It isn’t available for purchase until a few days after the movie comes out, so you’ll just have to deal with your pee shivers a bit longer.

Here’s what you can expect for the money: “An in-depth, behind-the-scenes look at the epic movie from Legendary Pictures and Warner Bros. Pictures. Packed with beautiful concept art, on-set photography, and detailed insight from key members of the production, this beautiful book tells the story of how Godzilla and his foes were brought to life.”

To while away the time before the movie/book comes out, here are a few now streaming/upcoming horror/sci-fi/fantasy TV series that may or may not give you the pee shivers…

RIM OF THE WORLD (available now/Netflix™)
“Summer camp has barely begun when aliens suddenly invade the planet. In a campground once teeming with people, four misfit teens are unexpectedly entrusted with a key that carries the secret to stopping the invasion. Without any adults or electronics to help guide the way, it’s clear what they must do: band together, conquer their fears and save the world.”

As much as it’s obvious they’re cashing in on preteens going up against sci-fi odds (Stranger Things, y’all), this one actually works. Watch the first episode and see if it doesn’t suck you in like it was your very first beer.

ABYSS (available now/Netflix™)
“Two people are brought back to life with the help of a soul-reviving marble called ‘Abyss.’ Go Se-yeon is a strikingly beautiful prosecutor who is reincarnated as a lawyer with an ordinary look. Cha Min is a smart, rich yet unattractive businessman who is reborn with the most handsome face ever. As the story unfolds, Go and Cha encounter a series of twists and turns while trying to get to the bottom of their own deaths and revival.”

A Korean fantasy/horror/drama/comedy TV series. That works. What doesn’t: sub-titles, which are like karaoke TV lyrics for the talent-deprived.

GOOD OMENS (May 31, 2019/Amazon Prime™)
“Aziraphale and Crowley, of Heaven and Hell respectively, have grown rather fond of the Earth. So it’s terrible news that it’s about to end. The armies of Good and Evil are amassing. The Four Horsemen are ready to ride. Everything is going according to the Divine Plan…except that someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist. Can our heroes find him and stop Armageddon before it’s too late?”

A British apocalyptic comedy, which means it’s gonna be loaded with sharp, dry humor and people who talk like the Beatles. Put this at the top of your queue — whatever that is.

STAR TREK: PICARD (CBS All Access/2019)
“Star Trek: Picard features Sir Patrick Stewart reprising his iconic role as Jean-Luc Picard, which he played for seven seasons on Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987 — 1994). The new series will follow this iconic character into the next chapter of his life.

Gotta hand it to the franchise — they keep coming up with new ways to milk that lucrative space cow. It’s kinda weird watching the teaser trailer; Sir Patrick Stewart looks exactly the same as he did 32 years ago — and I thought he looked old then! As good as he was in Star Trek, I’m partial to his older X-Men character, Professor X (aka, Professor Charles Xavier). His future wheelchair is way cooler than my car. Probably gets better mileage, too.

Watercolor Horror, Upside Down Reality, Jinn Genie

Another watercolor masterpiece by the magically talented Christopher Shy, whose work I’ve e-showcased here numerous e-times. This isn’t key art for the upcoming Joker movie, but it should be. In fact, Shy has done piles of movie art that Hollywooders should be tripping over themselves to license.

Shy has done dazzling treatments of everything from The Evil Dead and Pet Sematary, to War of the Gargantuas and Poltergeist. (Crossing fingers that he might eventually do one of Dude, Where’s My Car?) And he does color variants of each one, kinda like putting different colored lightbulbs in all your lamps.

You can buy his art by clicking HERE. Make sure to rummage through your mom’s purse for coinage as these pieces range from $105.00 to $230.00. (Hope my mother has a big purse as I want about 12 of his paintings.) But before you go to the Bank of Mom for a hefty withdrawal, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be improved by a little dash of Christopher Shy’s cover art…

WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE (available now)
Two sisters live secluded in a large manor and care for their deranged uncle. The rest of their family died five years before, under suspicious circumstances. When a cousin arrives for a visit, family secrets and scandals unravel.”

They had me at “deranged uncle,” who, by the way, is played by Crispin Glover. So yeah, typecasting.

DARK SENSE (available now)
“Predicting his own death at the hands of a serial killer, a psychic must enlist the help of an ex-special forces soldier to track down the psychopath and evade the government agents out to exploit his special powers.”

If I were a psychic, I’d become a weatherman and “forecast” the weather so accurately, I’d be, like, double rich.

JINN (June 13, 2019/Netflix™)
“A group of teenagers whose lives are disrupted when a Jinn in the form of a teenage boy appears to them in the ancient city of Petra. Their friendships and young romances are tested when they set out to stop an even greater darkness that is threatening to destroy the world. Can they come together in time, and find the answers needed, in order to save everything?”

This is a TV series that Netflix™ is describing as a “contemporary supernatural teenage drama.” Take the word “teen” out of it and it might actually be watchable.

THE COMA (2019)
“After a colossal and mysterious accident a young talented architect comes back to his senses in a very odd world that only resembles the reality. This world is based on the memories of the ones who live in it — people who are currently finding themselves in a deep coma. Human memory is spotty, chaotic and unstable. The same is the COMA — odd collection of memories and recollections — cities, glaciers and rivers can all be found in one room. All the laws of physics can be broken. The architect must find out the exact laws and regulations of COMA as he fights for his life, meets the love of his life and keeps on looking for the exit to the real world which he will have to get acquainted with all over again after the experience of COMA.”

This Russian-made sci-fi is a visual stunner. Good thing; if you don’t speak Russia words, it’ll all be Greek to you.

Artsy Godzilla, Clown Lodgings, Scary Streets

Killer cover art for Godzilla Aftershock, the just released official graphic novel prequel to Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). It’s times like this I wish I knew how to read. Fortunately, it looks to have lots of cool pictures.

Godzilla Aftershock was authored by Arvid Nelson and illustrated by Drew Edward Johnson. They seem nice. And here’s why: “The brilliant and driven Monarch operative Dr. Emma Russell races to stop the threat as clues emerge to reveal a terrible secret — a tragedy of apocalyptic proportions from the distant past that changed the course of human history, is returning to threaten it once more. A shadowy figure stalks Emma’s every move as she travels the globe to uncover secrets, while Godzilla clashes in an ancient rivalry as old as the Earth itself.”

You can get Godzilla Aftershock in hardcover for $18.71 on Amazon.com (free shipping if you’re a Prime™ member). While you’re clicking “Buy The F*ck Now” button, grab the Godzilla Aftershock Variant for $22.49 with exclusive cover illustration by Art Adams. He seems nice as well.

For those of us who don’t know how to read, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not seem nice…

CLOWN MOTEL (June 4, 2019)
“A group of ghost hunters return home from Las Vegas. When they arrive at the Clown Motel, they’re left to discover if it is really abandoned and haunted by the souls of the clowns that once lived there.”

Clowns live in motels? I thought they lived in colorful tents.

PROJECT ITHACA (June 7, 2019)
“Five strangers awaken to find themselves trapped aboard an alien spaceship that seems to be harnessing their terror to power the ship. They begin to understand that these species have been abducting humans for decades and possibly centuries.”

I harness my terror to power my bladder. In space no one can hear me stream.

CLINTON ROAD (June 14, 2019)
“A widowed fire fighter seeks closure after his wife goes missing on an actual haunted road in rural New Jersey, but must unlock the road’s secret if he wants to get out alive.”

Clinton Road is a real stretch of street in New Jersey where sightings of spookified ghosts are commonplace, as are weirdo creatures, stinky witches and jaywalking Satanists. The real horror, however, is that Clinton Road has the country’s longest traffic light wait.

TERMINATOR: DARK FATE (November 1, 2019)
“Terminator: Dark Fate takes place the day after Judgment Day, and Sarah Connor is locked, loaded, and ready to roll.”

Sarah’s been dusting up with unstoppable future robots since 1984. She’s like the Laurie Strode of the future.