Archive for Ghosts

Stock Market Horror, Jealous Ghosts, Cult Rentals

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Horror Equity Fund

Do you have an HEF in your investment portfolio? If not, you might consider it. Why? HEF is an acronym for Horror Equity Fund, Inc.™ (Film & Entertainment Investment Platform), a way to invest in the horror genre and to build your future on all things entertainment scary.

Horror Equity Fund

The mission statement from Marlon Schulman, Founder and CEO of Horror Equity Fund: “Today, we are experiencing a new golden era in Horror entertainment. Our model establishes a cross-collateralized, diversified portfolio that mitigates risk and subsequently increases the opportunity for the highest return on investment. HEF curates, develops, and accelerates to market projects in film, television, virtual reality, augmented reality, live presentations, publishing, video gaming, merchandising, Internet, and other transmedia categories, creating a unique portfolio of profit participation.”

“Though the commitment to Horror and Thriller entertainment is thriving, the world of Horror has lacked a community where they can find one another, participate in and profit from this popular genre. Horror Equity Fund offers those fans, content creators and investors transparency, honesty, integrity and one of the deepest creative benches in Horror.”

“Fans, Content Creators, and Investors will begin to experience the benefits of HEF and immediately participate in the Mutual Fund of Horror.”

Horror Equity Fund

Man, I can’t wait to invest, once I look under the couch cushions and relieve my virtual piggy bank of all its precious bit coins. At $100 minimum investment/$1 per share (I’ll have to go without beer for one day), this seems like a no-brainer. And if there’s anything I’m good at, it’s being a no-brainer. This is a crowd-funding venture, so check out their highly impressive website for your guide to banking on all things horror: CLICK HERE.

While you’re doing your Wizard of Wall Street thing, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV and movies waiting for you to invest in your couch…

Ash vs. Evil Dead

ASH vs. EVIL DEAD/SEASON 3 (February 25/Starz™)
Bruce Campbell leads the cast, reprising the role of Ash Williams; Lucy Lawless, as Ruby, devises her most diabolical plan to defeat Ash and raise Hell on earth; Ray Santiago as Pablo Simon Bolivar, forever loyal to Jefe (Ash), will realize his true destiny in the battle against evil; and Dana DeLorenzo as Kelly Maxwell, whose single goal is to kill Ruby and end the Evil Dead torment once and for all.”

A great day when you can turn on the television and see evil run wild. (Not referring to Republicans and/or politicians in general.) Ash vs. Evil Dead is incredibly gore gooshy, fun, funny and a highly addictive (for me, anyway) TV adaptation. Guess where I’ll be on February 25?

The Housemaid

THE HOUSEMAID (February 16, 2018)
Vietnam, 1953: Linh, a poor, orphaned young woman, finds employment as a housemaid in a crumbling rubber plantation presided over by the emotionally fragile French officer Sebastien Laurent. Soon, a torrid love affair develops between the two — a taboo romance that rouses the ghost of Laurent’s dead wife, who won’t rest until blood flows. Submerged in moody Gothic atmosphere, this stylish supernatural saga confronts the dark shadows of Vietnam’s colonial past while delivering heart-stopping scares.”

Great — a jealous female ghost.  Hell hath no fury, blah, blah, blah. When you’re on the receiving end of a female — back from the dead or otherwise — hellbent on jealous revenge, best to disappear yourself.

House of Demons

HOUSE OF DEMONS (February 2018)
Gwen, Matthew, Katrina, and Spencer were best friends for years, until a terrible tragedy tore them apart, and left all of them in a state of arrested development. Ten years later, they’re reunited for a destination wedding to stay together in a rented house. What they don’t know is in the late ’60s, the house was home to a Manson Family-like cult, run by Frazer, a charismatic former scientist pushing the boundaries of human consciousness. Over the course of one long night, everyone must confront their darkness or be destroyed by it.”

I wonder if when renting houses, cults pay first and last and a damage deposit, as well as having their credit history checked? (Note to cults — if you have a pet, be prepared to pay extra.)

Demon House

DEMON HOUSE (March 16, 2018)
“As mass hysteria breaks out over an alleged demonic possession in an Indiana home referred to as a ‘Portal to Hell,’ Ghost Adventures host and paranormal investigator Zak Bagans buys the house, sight unseen, over the phone. He and his crew then become the next victims of the most documented case of demonic possession in US history…the ‘House of 200 Demons.’”

200 demons living under one roof? Good luck getting in some bathroom time. And if your turn is next, keep a can of Glade™ handy. “Hell” and “smell” rhyme for a reason.

Werewolf Counselor, Horror Wrestlers, Killer Clothing

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Bloody-Disgusting.com recently posted about JC-RT.com, an online clothing company that makes flannel shirts based on horror movie poster color schemes. There’s shirts that seasonally coordinates with The Lost Boys (1987), Alien (1979), A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) and even The Exorcist (1973). (Wonder if it’s vomit stain proof?)

The Exorcist

There’s lots more, but you should know that these long-sleeve chest warmers sell for $125.00 each, though they are running a winter sale at $75.00, a $40.00 + $10.00 savings. Check out their website HERE and whip out your bit coins.

Suspiria

As cool as this is, I won’t be buying any as I don’t wear shirts with buttons. Buttons are rules. I’m not into rules, man. And while you’re waiting for your new wardrobe to arrive in the mail, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not go with the shoes you’re wearing…

Carnivore: Werewolf of London

WEREWOLF: CARNIVORE OF LONDON (available now)
“In an effort to save their relationship, Dave takes Abi to a remote cottage. However, it soon becomes apparent that a fearsome beast is lurking in the shadows of the forest, waiting for the right moment to attack.”

Despite the title lift from An American Werewolf in London (1981), it’s nice to see werewolf movies haven’t been sucked under the tidal wave of bite-less zombie and transparent ghost movies. More than that, I’m really hoping this werewolf can help get Dave and Abi back to a good place in their relationship, however strained it may be while being on the beast’s fresh sheet.

Fly on the Wall

FLY ON THE WALL (available now)
“A young man uses a bug camera to spy on his ex-girlfriend, then witnesses her abduction.”

At least he wasn’t with her or he might’ve been abducted, too. Whew!

Mandy

MANDY (2018)
“Set in 1983, Red Miller, a broken and haunted man, hunts the unhinged religious sect who slaughtered the love of his life.”

Wait just a minute — Red’s last name is Miller and an unhinged religious sect slaughtered the love of his life? His life’s love has to be beer — Miller…beer. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

Parts Unknown

PARTS UNKNOWN (2018)
Parts Unknown is a movie that mixes the horror genre with wrestling. It is the story of how the infamous Von Strasser family, a family of unstable professional wrestlers, seek to violently reclaim their notorious status despite being blackballed by forces within the industry.”

They had me at “unstable professional wrestlers.” Love the title — it pays homage to pro wrestling Hall of Famer, George the Animal Steele (1937 — 2017), who lived in a cave, had more hair on his chest and back than his head, couldn’t speak other than a few grunts, had a green tongue and chewed the stuffing out of the tops of turnbuckles as though they were filled with cotton candy. When announcing where Steele comes from, the ring MC would always say, “from parts unknown.” Flippin’ brilliant.

Power Women, Wormholes, Babysitting the Devil

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Year of the Woman

Whilst watching the recent Critics Choice Awards on the ‘ol viewing box (once again, I failed to make it into any category), it was refreshing to see the continued and passionate support of the #TimesUp movement, and to see those who did win awards, not squander their prime time speeches on themselves/politics/UFOs, and kept echoing the point of gender inequality. This was the best part of the show.

Year of the Woman

Kumail Nanjiani, the voice of Prismo on Adventure Time (one of the most imaginative, non-alcohol-fueled cartoon series out there), had this to say during his acceptance speech for The Big Sick/Best Comedy: “I think as men, we have been talking for centuries. It’s time for us to shut up, listen, and amplify.”

year of the Woman

In the spirit of that, and given that 2018 is clearly the Year of the Woman, I hereby lend my support and nominate as movement ambassador, Ellen Ripley from Alien (1979) and for being a take-charge role model and a kick buttock lady who kicks xenomorph buttock all over the galaxy. (Other personal candidates are Diana Prince (Wonder Woman), Natalia Romanova/Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow from Avengers/2012), Melinda May (Marvel’s Agents of Shield) and Princess Bubblegum (Adventure Time).

While everyone waits on you to chime in (and please do) with your candidates for Woman/Women of the Year (and every year), here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may do better with Ripley/Princess Bubblegum in the lead…

The Beyond

THE BEYOND (available now)
“Set in 2019, The Beyond chronicles the groundbreaking mission which sent astronauts — modified with advanced robotics — through a newly discovered wormhole known as the Void. When the mission returns unexpectedly, the space agency races to discover what the astronauts encountered on their first of its kind interstellar space journey.”

It’d be cool to go into space with an advanced robot. Think of all the cool slot-machine beating tips it could teach you. As wormholes go, the ones in my neighborhood could be called the Void. But I prefer their Earth names: The Poggie Tavern, The Tug Tavern, The Maha… (I could keep going into the Void if you want.)

A Demon Within

A DEMON WITHIN (available now)
“A young girl dies in 1914 after a demonic spirit preys on her family. Decades later, a skeptical doctor must stop history from repeating itself by confronting his own demons to save the life of a possessed teenager.”

Seems like everyone is getting possessed these days. Used to be everyone wanted to get married. (If you wanna know what Hell on Earth is, put a ring on it.)

House of Salem

HOUSE OF SALEM (January 23, 2018)
“A group of kidnappers become a child’s unlikely protectors after discovering they have unwittingly been set up to take part in a satanic ritual. As they begin to uncover the truth of the house they find themselves trapped, they must battle demonic forces and uncover a legacy of over a hundred years of murder in the name of the Devil.”

So criminals have to become babysitters? This sounds like a rom-com. Throw in the Devil and madcap situations ensue with hilarious results.

Wastelander

WASTELANDER (January 23, 2018)
“In a post-apocalyptic landscape, an ex-soldier wanders in search of his lost home and family. Along the way, he joins a makeshift group of survivors who convince him to lead them through the wasteland. But when a band of pillaging raiders comes after them, they must fight to survive in this cruel dystopia.”

Wonder why they always frame the future as the Earth having been Napoleon Blown Apart? My vision of the many days after tomorrow include jet-packs, pleasure-bots and self-washing hair.

Yummy Death For Dessert

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

We All Scream For Ice Cream

A bunch of socially snotty kids play a trick on Buster the Clown, a mentally-handicapped ice cream truck driver, and the clown goes down. In other words, he was made into an ice cream sandwich after the kids pop the brake on his Cheery Tyme truck and it squashes the dealer of non-room temperature treats. No word on whether or not any ice cream survived.

We All Scream For Ice Cream

It’s now 20 years later and the snotty kids have all grown up with snotty children of their own. Time for some revenge, rocky road style. Buster T. Clown, now looking like he’s been through cold storage Hell, has come back from the dead and drives his truck through eerie fog, handing out treats at midnight to kids, who have fallen into a zombie-like state and are out doing a little sleepwalking. (Hey, at least they’re getting some exercise.)

We All Scream For Ice Cream

The ice cream Buster gives them is shaped like people. Once a kid bites into it, their dad dies, dissolving into a big puddle of (wait for it) ice cream. The grown-up kids who killed Buster are themselves being eliminated, one by one, by the cold clown, melted into strawberry, vanilla and chocolate goo.

We All Scream For Ice Cream

Buster can make your car windows frost over, and when you touch him, it’s like sticking your hands in a freezer for two hours, except the effect is instantaneous. (Buster would be handy to have around if there’s any warm beer in the house.)

We All Scream For Ice Cream

Despite this, We All Scream For Ice Cream (2007) is pretty weak and a paint-by-numbers installment for the Masters of Horror series. Yeah, there’s a halfway decent face-melting scene. But it’s simply too stock to be of any social value. It’s enough to make you switch to frozen yogurt, which isn’t as yuck city as you’d think.

Naked Ghost

Posted in Classic Horror, Ghosts, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Haunted

The generically-titled Haunted (1995) is a supernatural thriller with sexy results set in the early 1900s. And by sexy, I mean seeing a young and fetching Kate Beckinsale de-clothed and having premarital bouncy-bounce with the parapsychologist investigating her and her two brother’s Edbrook Manor to see if it’s really haunted.

Haunted

Professor David Ash is tormented by the drowning death of his sister. (Hello — did the sign not say “no lifeguard on duty”?) So he goes around debunking ghosts, even though his sister is one. When he arrives at Edbrook it doesn’t take long for eerie doo doo to start hitting the eerie fan.

HauntedIt’s all standard ghost house stuff, but the best part happens when Kate de-clothes herself. She doesn’t really need ’em because she and her brother are the poltergeists that are haunting their own house. (Don’t give me that look — you would’ve figured it out 15 minutes into the flick.) Just watch it to see Kate do with the professor what she won’t be doing with you.

Haunted

200 Year-Old Monsters, Unfriended Bigfoot, Women Horror

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mary Shelley

Classic horror fans already know this Mary Shelley, the author/creator of the immortal Frankenstein was 20 years old when the book was published on January 1, 1818. That’s, like a million years ago! (Okay, more like 200, but still…)

To commemorate, Rockport Publisher’s Classics Reimagined series presents Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein: The 200th Anniversary Edition, releasing on January 16, 2018. From the press release: “With detailed and evocative imagery, renowned artist David Plunkert takes readers on a dark journey into the greatest novel in the monster genre.”

Mary Shelley

“The 256-page hardcover book features an 8-page vellum insert detailing the doctor’s designs, and a stunning, full bleed, double gatefold image of the monster. Finished with printed endpapers and painted book block, this masterpiece volume is perfect for book lovers and art lovers alike. The Classics Reimagined series is a library of stunning collector’s editions of unabridged classic novels illustrated by contemporary artists from around the world. Each artist offers his or her own unique, visual interpretation of the most well-loved, widely read, and avidly collected literature from renowned authors.”

Mary Shelly

I read the book a million years ago before I could afford a TV. But if you’re like me and have a semi-functioning television portal leading to multiple universes, here are a few now available horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make you wanna take up reading…

Bigfoot Country

BIGFOOT COUNTRY (available now/VOD)
“Some say Bigfoot is just a hoax but when a group of hikers go deep into the woods after being warned by a guide that has encountered a Sasquatch, they decide to ignore him and go off trail, but the deeper the go into the woods they realize that they are not alone. Becoming hysterical as night falls, the group is terrorized to their core and accidentally shoots and wounds a Sasquatch. Legend says the Bigfoot species simply want to be left alone but when provoked, they will protect their territory and in this case the damage has been done and there is no turning back.”

You encountered and then decided to ignore Bigfoot and then later shot him? What’s next — unfriending him on Facebook™? Hikers can be so socially cruel.

Death Island: Paranormal Retribution

DEATH ISLAND: PARANORMAL RETRIBUTION (available now/VOD)
“A team of supernatural researchers set out to shoot a documentary about hikers who vanished on a remote and desolate island in the Great Lakes, an island whose only inhabitants are 3,500 Native American graves. Despite repeated warnings from locals, they provoke the spirits of the dead and find themselves stranded and trapped in a vortex of paranormal retribution.”

3,500 graves on one island? That leaves very little room for a paranormal resort hotel and casino. I bet they have priests instead of parking valets — just in case you park on one of the graves. (They should really mark ‘em better — and not with yellow paint, which can easily be mistaken for a parking spot.)

7 From Etheria

7 FROM ETHERIA (available now/VOD)
Etheria is the world’s most respected showcase of the best new horror, comedy, science fiction, fantasy, action, and thriller films made by emerging women directors. Terrifying home invasions, unexpected carjackings, and hilarious jelly wrestling are just the start: before you’re through watching this anthology, you’ll visit a Tasmanian penal colony in 1829, prove Kurt Gödel’s time-travel theorem, be victimized by strange alien substances, and dare to venture out into a devastated nuclear wasteland.”

They had me at jelly wrestling. 2018 is the Year of the Woman, so best to rent this and when it comes to the ladies, best to keep our male yaps shut for once — unless when asking them to buy you a refreshing adult beverage without conditions.

Magellan

MAGELLAN (available now/VOD)
“When NASA picks up three signals of extraterrestrial origin coming from within our own solar system, the space agency expedites a mission to investigate the sources. As Earth’s lone emissary, they send Commander Roger Nelson, the test pilot for an experimental spacecraft called the Magellan, assisted by an onboard A.I. named Ferdinand.”

So a robot and an astronaut walk into a solar system. Sounds like a set-up of a great joke, the punchline being that  they end up picking up the bar tab for the aliens. Why else would they signal us? Earth suckers.

Fake UFOs, Horror Teens, Evil Wishing Well

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Real UFO Crash Footage

Recently pulled up Real UFO Crash Footage (Mooney Vision) on Amazon Prime™. Several things you need to know before stepping in the same pile of I.V.C. (Identified Viewing Crap) I did…

• ALL the footage is of blurry and/or shaky camera stylings.

• Lots of the material has digital UFOs flying above around or into fiery explosions that happened by way of the wrong button being pushed, high-speed left turn into a right turn cloud, or something involving gasoline and matches.

• Most footage contains mega-explosions from stock news broadcasts.

• There’s footage of falling meteors, which are nothing more than God’s marbles.

• Some footage is from the SyFy Channel™ from over a decade ago.

• While it’s true these UFOs are just that (because of the blurriness, you can’t identify what it is that’s flying/not flying), the bait on the hook here is the flying saucer on the cover.

And while you’re fuming over having bitten the hook, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be blatantly misleading…

The Open House

THE OPEN HOUSE (January 19, 2018/Netflix)
“A mother and her teenage son move into a new house and are harassed by threatening forces.”

Threatening forces could be anything — landlords, neighbors, Mothman, me…  Just need an address. (Disclaimer: I don’t really threaten anyone. However, I will make your lawn die just by standing on it.)

The Devil's Well

THE DEVIL’S WELL (January 23, 2018)
Karla Marks mysteriously vanishes while conducting a paranormal investigation with her husband into the Devil’s Well, an underground location reported to be a gateway straight into Hell, and the site of ongoing strange phenomenon. A year after her disappearance, a group of investigators go back to uncover the truth about Karla, and are faced with evil forces greater than they ever imagined.”

A well is the gateway to Hell? And here all this time I thought the portal to Purgatory was 7-Eleven™. That, or the bathroom door to the men’s room at the Maha (a bar I hang out in, and usually have a priest administer a blessing every time beer needs to be exorcised from thy bladder).

Truth or Dare

TRUTH OR DARE (April 27, 2018)
“A harmless game of ‘Truth or Dare’ among friends turns deadly when someone — or something — begins to punish those who tell a lie — or refuse the dare.”

Sounds like more dumb teen horror. Can’t wait to not watch it.

Nightflyers

NIGHTFLYERS (SyFy Channel™/2018/2019)
“Eight maverick scientists and a powerful telepath embark on an expedition to the edge of our solar system in the hopes of contacting alien life. They travel aboard The Nightflyer — a ship with a small tightknit crew and a reclusive captain. But when terrifying and violent events begin to take place they start to question each other, and surviving the journey proves harder than anyone thought.”

This looks to be a TV series, which is good, because it gives me YET ANOTHER excuse to not get off the couch. Nightflyers is based on George R.R. Martin’s 1980 supernatural novella (short book) of the same name and was actually made into a movie back in 1987. I may or may not have seen it. Hey, I have hair to comb and lawns to mow. I take that stuff seriously.