Dolls and Vomit

Posted in Evil, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Worry Dolls According to Guatemalan folklore, worry dolls (about half an inch high) are given to children who tell them their worries before they go to sleep. They place the worry dolls under their pillow and in the morning the dolls have taken their worries away. I think it’d be really funny to swap out the worry dolls with some tried ’n true rubber vomit while the kids are asleep. That’d give those little brats something to worry about. Heh. Worry Dolls So the comfort device now gets drafted into the horror realm with upcoming Worry Dolls movie, premiering at England’s Film4FRightFest in August, 2015. (Their website said is was coming out summer of 2014. Liars.) Nevertheless, Worry Dolls, with a really slick ad poster, goes a little something like this: “In the aftermath of the hunt for a serial killer, an ancient curse consumes a city, causing a series of brutal murders and pits a detective against the clock to save his daughter’s life.”

I bet the ancient curse somehow involves the use of rubber vomit. Dangerous Worry Dolls There were worry doll horror movies before this. First up was Dangerous Worry Dolls (2007), this one had the title characters coming out of a swollen hole in your forehead meant for a pineal gland gone wild. (See From Beyond/1986.) Dangerous Worry Dolls Here’s how dangerous these worry dolls are: “While serving time in a brutal women’s detention center. Eva wishes away her troubles to a set of tiny worry dolls. The dolls crawl in her ear at night and soon Eva becomes possessed.” From Beyond And, for those of you with a more sensitive horror stomach, Worry Dolls, featured as an episode on R.L. Stine’s The Haunting Hour: The Series, aired in October of 2013. There were no pineal glands in that one, which is why it sucked. Worry Dolls/Rubber Vomit You can find worry dolls on Etsy™ for $19.95. But you can get yourself outfitted with a timelessly hysterical rubber vomit novelty toy for $7.30 (+ $2.04 shipping) on eBay™. Talk about putting the gag in gag gift. Heh.

Hacking The Slasher Genre

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 4, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dollface

The resurgence of the slasher horror movie sub-genre in recent years has me confused. (Then again, I get confused tying my shoes.) With the nightly news reporting seemingly non-stop stories of super f’d up people doing horrific things to people not wanting horrific things done to them, why make movies about such behavior?

Sure, it was fun back in the day of Halloween’s Michael Myers and Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees, hacking teens into sushi. But now real people do that stuff for real. So why would I want to pay to see that when I can get it for free on the news?

The new horror movie Dollface (releasing September, 2015) looks to change all that. Or at least give it a twist-y spin. Not that you can tell from the plot…

“In 1996, nine college students headed off for a fun weekend at a lake house on Horse Creek. At the house they uncovered the horrific story of Dorchester Stewart, also known as Crinoline Head, and his dollmaker mother, who once lived in the house. That weekend six students were killed, two survived, and one went missing.”

“Now, twenty years later, one of the survivors, Paul Donner, is teaching at the college he once attended. When his students discover an old newspaper article about the tragedy, they decide to visit the old lake house to learn more about Crinoline Head. While looking for answers, they discover something much more terrifying.”

Pretty generic. But watch the trailer and see if doesn’t pull you in. (I’d include it here, but man, am I lazy.)

Dollface

BTW – There was another Dollface, a seven-minute horror short on YouTube™ back in 2012. One of the better ones out there in case you’re writing this down.

L.A. Slasher

For another interesting take on the machete-wielding maniacs, L.A. Slasher (released June, 2015) takes on reality TV and lines up people who will do anything to be famous, and systematically slaughters them, ironically making the victims somewhat famous after all.

Or at least that’s what the plot tells me. I haven’t seen L.A. Slasher as it doesn’t offer me anything I haven’t seen on real TV every night.

Workplace Vampires

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bloodsucking Bastards

A great metaphor for the corporate world, Bloodsucking Bastards, a new movie about vampire bosses in the workplace, is a horror comedy that bites a little too close to the bone for a lot of us dayjobbers. (Oh, hey – I just got my own joke. Sweet!)

Here’s how they do it…

Bloodsucking Bastards follows Evan Sanders, a dutiful employee stuck at a soul-killing corporation with his beautiful girlfriend Amanda and slacker best friend Tim. Evan’s world crumbles when Amanda dumps him and his boss hands his coveted promotion to his longtime nemesis.”

Bloodsucking Bastards

“As officemates start going through disturbing changes and bodies begin to pile up, Evan must find a way to stop the evil brewing amidst the cubicles, win back Amanda, and rescue his workplace pals before his life and career go from dead-end…to just dead.”

I know, not a lot to go on here. But the trailer is funnier than all get out, so check it out on that Internet dealie thing. BSB is looking at a Fall release on DVD, VOD and LOL.

Dwelling

No humor in the upcoming Dwelling (releasing sometime 2015). If the movie is as bleak as the trailer, then your life will be filled with some sort of, I don’t know, bleakness – at least for the 90 minutes you’re watching it.

And go: “A young couple deliberately moves into a haunted house to contact the other side. Their conduit for the supernatural, a painted black mirror, proves to contain a malevolent presence hell-bent on bringing harm to their new family.

I liked it better when they called it Poltergeist.

Sensual Brazilian Space Bug

Posted in Aliens, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mosquitoid

Zombie mosquitoes? Sure, I’ll bite. (Heh.) How could I turn down a premise – and a title like Mosquitoid (aka, The Mosquito Alien – Nights of Terror)?

This mash-up comes from Brazil, where there are lots of zombie mosquitoes all over the place. The Internet verified that with poorly written eyewitness accounts from hobo drunks. But before you book your vacation to South America, know that Mosquitoid is in the early stages of production, relying on crowd-funding to get across the finish line.

Mosquitoid

Need a pitch? Mosquitoid is about a giant mosquito from Planet Endfly, who finds a crack in a black hole in space and comes to Planet Earth. When he comes to Ribeirão Preto, a city that is experiencing an epidemic of the same mosquito because of the excess of still water, he promotes chaos. Mosquitoid’s venom first kills then turns the dead into zombie mosquitoes that attack the city’s population.”

Mosquitoid

“The mosquito goes through numerous funny situations because of his personalities: mad scientist, drag queen, clumsy soldier, sensual colonel, crazy hippie, space warrior… All this is washed down with very black humor, blood and some sensuality.”

That last paragraph easily describes many people I’ve seen in many dive bars. Except for the sensuality. There is nothing sensual about hobo drunks.

Mosquitoid

While you can personally help fund Mosquitoid (IndieGoGo.com), just know that an Alien Mosquitoid made its first appearance on 2012 as a sci-fi action figure in Lego’sGalaxy Squad™ series. (Mosquitoid also shows up in the Swarm Interceptor, Warp Stinger and Bug Obliterator sets.)

I have no idea why I know this. Apparently the words “get a life” don’t mean a thing to me.

Artificial Werewolves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dark Moon Rising

Always up for a new werewolf movie, but after watching the trailer for the poorly titled Dark Moon Rising (releasing August 4, 2015), I have some reservations. First, the plot…

“A group of shape-shifting werewolves descend upon a small town in search of a girl who is re-born once every 2,000 years. She holds the key to their survival, and all will die who stand in their way.”

Seems reasonable enough. But digital werewolves are not my flea bag. Something about artificial hair and fangs just ain’t cool, man. Even though they self-proclaim Dark Moon Rising as “An American Werewolf in London takes a bite out of Near Dark in this bloody, unique take on The Wolfman legend,” computer generated monsters are suck-o.

Dark Moon Rising

P.S. There was another werewolf movie called Dark Moon Rising that came out in 2009. You’d think the filmmakers of the 2015 version would’ve done a bit of homework. But hey, Hollywood – birthplace of the copy machine.

Dreadtime Stories

The upcoming Dreadtime Stories anthology shows more promise, and even sports a werewolf in one of its 10 (!) stories. I watched the trailer; Now that’s some quality fur and fang action. Here’s an overview…

“A party turns bizarre when a malevolent book makes its way into the hands of the attendees who reveal its tales of monsters, madmen and the supernatural…”

Dreatime Stories

Dreadtime Stories features more than 50 cast members, the bulk of which we can only hope will suffer painful and splattery fates for our entertainment. But we’re gonna have to wait a bit to experience the mayhem as Dreadtime Stories isn’t slated to come out until early 2016.

That sucks. Heck, by then I could be converted into a religious nutcase, renounce all my horror movie ways and quit drinking refreshing adult beverages. Just kidding. Not gonna happen. If it did, that would be the scariest horror story of all time.

Fishy Horror

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 29, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Weaverfish

First tripped across the British horror movie Weaverfish on YouTube™ back in summer of 2013. I watched the trailer, read the movie description and was duly unimpressed. Then I clicked away, vowing never to return.

It’s now summer-ish of 2015 and Weaverfish is now downloadable and/or rentable on Vimeo™. Watching the updated trailer, I’m still wondering what the movie is about.

Weaverfish

Here’s the description: “Trouble lurks when a group of friends enter the restricted grounds of a condemned oil plant, eager to exploit its secluded river creek for a night of partying. The eventful weekend takes a sickening turn when one by one they fall victim to a grossly disfiguring infection.”

“The rapidly deteriorating members embark on a journey back to civilization through the woods, unaware of the other presence hunting them down. As their weekend suddenly escalates into a chilling race for survival, the dangers of their trespassing finally begin to surface, untangling a surprising and shocking conspiracy.”

Weaverfish

Still confused. Some deep research (clicking on a link) into the weaverfish (or “weever”)  revealed it to be 37 cms in length, mainly brown in color, and have poisonous spines on their first dorsal fins and gills. Weevers are sometimes used as an ingredient in the recipe for bouillabaisse. Guess what I’m gonna quit eating.

So maybe the oil-polluted water mutated the fish and the fish infected the dumbass teens who drink and take illegal drugs and smoke, when it’s been proved over and over that smoking is not good for you and carries long-term health complications. Dumbasses.

Weaverfish

Then the movie goes on to propose there’s a mysterious stalker who tracks down the infected teens. Maybe the stalker is trying to cover up the mutated weaverfish (or “weevers”). I just don’t know.

What I do know, however, is that all species in the weaverfish family are restricted to the eastern Atlantic (including the Mediterranean). Man, I hate it when horror movies make me do homework.

Fear The Walking Dead

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 28, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fear The Walking Dead

As a hardcore mega fan of AMC’s The Walking Dead series, I liked the onset premise that they just threw you into the deep end of the dead pool without any back story as to how the undead came to be. (In episode “TS-19,” Dr. Edwin Jenner – the CDC’s last survivor – couldn’t answer the question, best guessing that it could be microbial, viral, or simply not washing your hands after playing with people poo. Okay, that last one is a personal theory as to why the dead have come back to get us.)

With the summer 2015 impending Fear The Walking Dead six-episode spin-off, questions are proposed and possible answers hinted as to how the world got f’d in the b-hole in the first place.

Fear The Walking Dead

My best guessing is that they won’t reveal the inception of the dead. Once you know the answer, the rest is just running, screaming, biting, chewing, burping, farting. Then repeating all of the above. Why ruin a good thing?

What makes The Walking Dead work so well has never really been the omnipresent zombies (okay, maybe for the first few episodes), but the characters themselves and the ridiculously dark places they go with each other just to survive.

Fear The Walking Dead

That established, Fear The Walking Dead – set in Los Angeles – has to step up hard out of the gate if they want to milk this cash cow. They can start by paying me big coupons to consult, direct and star in the series. And I’d have everyone get eaten by the undead except me, which would make me a hero of some sort.

I’ll have my agent call their agent to work out the deets.

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