Mattress Mayhem

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bed of the Dead

The plot for Bed of the Dead, a new horror movie scheduled for a 2016 release, seems like the bed itself – untucked. Here’s why…

“Four twentysomethings find themselves stuck on a haunted antique bed where leaving means suffering a gruesome death. Plagued with frightening hallucinations, they must figure out the bed’s secrets before they are ultimately picked off one by one.”

Yeesh – did the idea store go out of business? What about the pillows? Do they harbor dark secrets not related to bed bugs as well? And don’t get me started on the duvets.

I Bed The Dead

Interesting that I Bed The Dead, another movie (and comic book) with a similar title is coming out at the same time. This one, however, is about sex zombies.

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

But to sack out to where mattress mayhem got its start (not really, but I can’t remember any other examples), try Death Bed: The Bed That Eats, which came out in 1977. That one’s about a demon possessed bed that “consumes lovers.” Talk about putting a bite in your love life. Just remember to not die on the wet spot.

Hell In A Box

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lament Configuration

Not getting your daily recommended allowance of pain and suffering? For $450.00 you can have an endless supply of anguish – and be the envy of the neighborhood while you’re at it.

I’m talking, of course, about owning your own limited edition Lament Configuration, that hell-ish Rubik’s Cube™ used to summon the pain/pleasure Cenobites from another dimension in the Hellraiser movies. Thing is, you really had to want to know the ultimate pain/pleasure in order to get the box to open. Apparently, my pain passion isn’t passionate enough as I own a plastic version of the Hell box and it pretty much does nothing. Goodbye $16.00 + tax.

Lament Configuration

But thanks to Clive Barker, the imagineer’r of the iconic Lament Configuration, you can get one fashioned after his own personal cube that’s been in his possession for over 25 years. From the press release: “Painstakingly molded, cast in resin and hand painted to preserve the look and patina of the original prop, each Lament Configuration is assembled in-house, onto a custom-made base and comes numbered with a Certificate of Authenticity.”

Lament Configuration

The authenticity is a big deal for me; If I shell out $450 fun fins and it doesn’t shoot out razor chains to hook my face and summon demons, then I want a remorse configuration clause in the warranty.

Here’s more info: “This item is being be pre-sold until January the 1st 2016, or to a maximum of 87 orders (which ever is reached first). No orders after this date shall be accepted. Nor shall this item be made available again. Shipping: February 2016.”


Though the Lament Configuration is its Hollywood name, the puzzle portal is actually called Lemarchand’s Box, after its French designer, Philip Lemarchand. And here’s everything you’d ever want to know about going to Hell: “The  box is a mystical/mechanical device that acts as a door — or a key to a door — to another dimension or plane of existence.”

Lament Configuration

“The solution of the puzzle creates a bridge through which beings may travel in either direction across this ‘Schism.’The inhabitants of these other realms may seem demonic to humans. An ongoing debate in the film series is whether the realm accessed by the Lament Configuration is intended to be the Abrahamic version of Hell, or a dimension of endless pain and suffering that is original to the Hellraiser films.”

Wonder if I can get two of ’em?

P.S. Buy me one by clicking HERE

Bigfoot vs. Zombies

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bigfoot vs. Zombies

Bigfoot vs. Zombies (releasing February 23, 2016) seems so obvious, and yet it took this long to pair ’em up in an epic showdown worthy of a pay-per-view.

Bigfoot War

Not so fast – this concept was preconcieved by Abandoned Cinema back in 2010 as Bigfoot vs. The Zombies. It was also optioned by maligned German horror/sci-fi director Uwe Boll in 2014 as Bigfoots vs. Zombies. And it’s a theme in Eric S. Brown’s Bigfoot War book series, specifically Bigfoot War: Outbreak (2013). Of course I know all of this. Me ’n BF are BFFs.

Bigfoot vs. Zombies

So how did Bigfoot get dragged into battling the undead when he’s been like Switzerland in the ongoing zombie conflict? Thank science. They created the “toxic cocktail” that leaked into the local population’s water supply (public mud puddles, YMCA bathtubs, gas station restrooms), thereby creating flesh-eating zombies. (Note: The didn’t say anything about fur-eating zombies. Maybe the undead don’t like hair in their food like the rest of us.)

Bigfoot vs. Zombies

So Bigfoot, tired of all this zombie nonsense that keeps interrupting his nature walks, steps in and starts swingin’. My money’s on B. All of this potentially leaves the door wide open for a sequel that has Bigfoot turning into a zombie. They should call it World War B. (That’s now intellectual property, by the way.)

Monster Clash

Yelling About Hell

Posted in Evil, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 25, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Full of themselves and/or self-righteousness, bible believers tell (i.e., violently scream from street corners) that there are three gates to Hell, alternate entrances in case the line to get in is too long. One is in the desert (lots of free parking), one is in the ocean (charter a boat and get in a little fishing while you’re at it) and one is in Jerusalem, famous religious tourist trap and home of all things worship-y.

Jeruzalem, a new found footage horror movie releasing January 22, 2016, takes us there for a little “end of days” judgment, with violent screaming from street corners, divine bloodletting and zombie angels, hence the “Z”, a not-so-subtle cash-in on that other religion.


Here’s your penance: “Two American girls on vacation follow a mysterious anthropology student on a trip to Jerusalem. The party is cut short when the trio is caught in the middle of a biblical apocalypse. Trapped between the ancient walls of the holy city, they must find a way out as the fury of Hell is unleashed upon them.”

Couple of thoughts: Jerusalem/Jeruzalem, or “Jesus Spring Break,” with all its biblical background, doesn’t seem like a go-to party place. (A dancing foot does not belong on a praying knee.)


Secondly, as this is a found footage flick (and after watching the trailer), there’s always one person who keeps the camera rolling no matter what demonic entity is eating your friend’s face. That alone makes you wanna thump their bible.

On that note, I’m a non-believer in camera batteries that never run out of juice. That film keeps rolling after hours and hours when my cell phone conks out after only one hour on 1-800-Boobie-Chat seems so blasphemous. Maybe the movie batteries are made by…DuraHell™. (C’mon, that was comedy gold…)

Paranormal Goon-Outs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

House of Afflictions

Not uncommon for horror movie authors to encounter the supernatural. Wouldn’t be a horror movie if they didn’t. The polter-premise then causes them to put down the typewriter and to Scooby-Doo the presented mystery. A few examples off the top of my roof include Dark Remains (2005), Re-Cycle (2006), The Marsh (2006), Deadline (2009), Paranormal (2009). Such is the framework for House of Affliction (releasing February 2016), a supernatural thriller featuring an author gal experiencing paranormal goon-outs.

House of Afflictions

Here’s mo’ juice: “Kate Beckley was once a best-selling crime author, but it’s been years since her last novel following the disappearance of her daughter, Julia. While attempting to write again in a new home, Kate finds herself haunted by strange visions and paranormal occurrences, which become worse each night. Has Julia returned, or is something more evil preying on this grieving mother?”

House of Afflictions

I’m gonna have to say yep to both. But if this premise sounds familiar, that’s because it’s lifted directly from Sinister, which came out in 2012. Behold…


“True-crime writer Ellison Oswald is in a slump; he hasn’t had a best seller in more than 10 years and is becoming increasingly desperate for a hit. So, when he discovers the existence of a snuff film showing the deaths of a family, he vows to solve the mystery. He moves his own family into the victims’ home and gets to work. However, when old film footage and other clues hint at the presence of a supernatural force, Ellison learns that living in the house may be fatal.”

For more supernatural mystery hauntings, please consult your local haunted house. Or Scooby-Doo.

Saddle Splatter

Posted in Evil, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Kill Or Be Killed

Scheduled for release on March 1, 2016, the titled and re-titled Kill Or Be Killed is being described as a “gore western.” Never heard that term before, but I have to say, I double like it.

Usually movies that start out with a title and end having it changed three times is a red flag. (Kill Or Be Killed began as Red On Yella and then Kill A Fella, neither working on any level for a horror movie, not that the painfully generic Kill Or Be Killed is any better.) But when it features horror legend Michael Berryman, it’s game on.

Kill Or Be Killed

Here’s what will rattle your saddle: “In the autumn of 1900, outlaw Claude “Sweet Tooth” Barbee puts his ‘retirement plan’ in action, attempting to lead his train-robbing gang across Texas to recover a cash stash hidden after a botched railroad heist. They soon discover they’re being hunted by more than just the law – but rather a merciless, unexpected evil quite possibly greater than themselves.

They had me at “Sweet Tooth.” Beyond that, Kill Or be Killed kinda sounds like a cowboy spin on Predator (1987) or some satanic demon dude. Mind you, I’m just extrapolating here. But regardless of how potentially right/not right I may be, looking forward to this one as I admire outlaws who can ride horses without falling off. With that, I have a score to settle with that stupid merry-go-round horse that bucked me off at the Puyallup Fair last summer. I’m calling you out, you painted pile of plywood.

Kill Or Be Killed

P.S. Don’t confuse this Kill Or Be Killed with the 1980 karate punchfest of the same name, or the 1950 movie featuring a wrongly accused of murder guy on the run in South American jungle, or the 1966 Italian western of a gunslinger sticking his barrel between two feuding families, or the 1993 action thriller about  two brothers and a drug empire. (Spoiler: One’s a criminal.)

None of those had merry-go-rounds in ’em.

Space Stoner

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Star Leaf

Pot horror/sci-fi is nothing new. In fact, there are bales of ’em: Pot Zombies (2005), Evil Bong (2006), Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (2013) to name but a few, though the horror movie Reefer Madness (1936) remains the best.

Now comes Star Leaf (releasing November 24, 2015), which combines marijuana with extraterrestrials. This is an interesting twist because it’s usually after you’ve sparked some friendly herb that you start seeing aliens.

Here’s how Star Leaf lights up: “A group of friends set off to find a secret forest of marijuana hidden deep in the Olympic Mountains. Legend has it the plants are of extraterrestrial origin, and two ex-Marines among the group hope it will cure their PTSD born from hard combat in Afghanistan.”

Alien pot. Wonder if it comes in pill form?

Reefer Madness


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