Godzilla foe Gigan is an alien cyborg. He used to be a reptile, but was reconfigured into a cyborg by those super mean Nebulans. But what sets Gigan apart from the variety snack pack of kaiju is his stomach buzz-saw, which means if you give him a hug, you’re gonna be sliced open like a hot cantaloupe, seeds and all. Gigan also has metal hooks for hands/feet (presumably for opening beers), a big beak (hide your sniffables) and shiny party rave wings. We got our first look at this unique monster in 1972’s Godzilla vs. Gigan. In that one, Gigan actually made Godzilla bleed out loud, the first kaiju to do that. And to commemorate Gigan’s 50th anniversary (even though he’s 52), Godzilla.com is selling a Gigan Narikiri Apron and Mittens set. As ridiculous as this sounds, I’m gonna have to buy it.
The product description tells us that the $60.00 apron/mittens (oven gloves), are constructed from polyester, synthetic leather, and cotton. And the iconic rotary cutter spine is made out of synthetic leather, presumably made from synthetic cows. Bonus: the apron/mittens are resistant to splattering cow grease, ketchup gone wild and Godzilla blood. Click this to buy it.
So while we look forward to wearing the apron ensemble to work on casual Friday, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/TV series that may or may not be THE fashion statement of the year…
CLEARMIND / Out now (VOD)
“A mother consumed by grief shatters the tranquility of her once-tight circle of friends. With a heart heavy with loss, she descends upon their weekend retreat like a tempest, determined to unleash her fury. However, her vengeance takes on a twisted form, as she wields the immersive power of virtual reality to exact her retribution. Within the digital realm, her wrath knows no bounds, weaving a web of psychological torment and haunting retribution that will leave her former companions forever changed.”
If my mom was able to control the digital realm, she’d make me go clean up the Matrix.
NIGHTMARES AND DAYDREAMS / June 14, 2024 (Netflix™)
“A sci-fi supernatural series about ordinary people encountering strange phenomena that may be keys to the answer about the origin of our world and the imminent threat we will soon face. Characters and plots will intertwine like pieces of a puzzle. And the big picture will be awe-inspiring. The seven episode series presents a different story and a new set of actors in each installment, leading up to a big showdown in the finale.”
I already know the origin of our world — and it has everything to do with aliens, our space overlords.
ROUND THE DECAY / October 2024 (VOD)
“When prominent locals take in a lost hiker, Kenzie, newcomer Roz and mysterious outsider Munroe find themselves caught between the leaders of the town’s factions and entangled in an ancient sinister plot dating back to its founder that threatens the survival of the town and their lives.”
I define an ancient sinister plot as having bars closing at 2AM. That is so sinister.
CRACKODILE / Release pending 2024 (VOD)
“Having chomped on a stash of super crack called Acid Mind Drainage, a sideshow reptile is transformed into a raging blood-lusting beast! The coke-addled creature breaks free of its cage and slips into the river that leads to the sleepy town of Pittman on the eve of the 50th anniversary of the Pittman Pepperoni Roll Festival.”
YET ANOTHER horror movie starring animals on drugs. Just a matter of time before someone does…Bear Aspirin.