Archive for Japan

Godzilla Earth, Hand-Carved Horror, Vampire Addict

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City

The title of the upcoming Godzilla anime movie sequel is nothing if not crazy tantalizing: Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City. A mobile breeder city? Where do I sign up? How much is the rent? Can I move there now?

Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City

If you haven’t seen Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017) on Netflix, I question your sanity. The ending is so unreal, it’s unreal. And it’s so good, I’ll be counting down the ‘ol tick tock when Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City releases in Japanese theaters on May 18, 2018. Maybe a few of us could carpool there.

So here’s the press release, which reveals that MechaGodzilla will be getting into a rust up with his mountainous counterpart: “After suffering a crushing defeat at the claws of Godzilla Earth — the seemingly immortal, 300 meter tall, 100,000 ton incarnation of Godzilla who now rules the planet — Haruo Sakaki is rescued by Miana, a native girl who belongs to the Futua tribe, the descendants of humanity that were left behind on Earth during the initial evacuation.”

Godzilla: Decisive Battle, Mobile Breeder City

Meanwhile, Galu Gu, the leader of the Bilusaludo forces, realizes that the arrowheads of the Futua are made of nanometal, the same material that was used to build MechaGodzilla, a super weapon that failed to curb Godzilla’s rampage and that was presumed destroyed in a battle at the foot of Mt. Fuji in the 21st Century.”

I just soiled myself. Whilst I go clean up, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be made out of nanometal…

Revenge of Robert

REVENGE OF ROBERT (available now)
Germany, 1941: Two secret agents, one working for British intelligence and the other working for the Nazis, board a train. Their mission is to find a Toymaker who is in possession of a mystical book which gives life to the inanimate. As the two secret agents close in and the Toymaker has no idea who to trust, he uses the magical tome to bring a vintage doll called Robert to life…and Robert will stop at nothing to protect his puppet master. So begins a blood soaked battle aboard the train as the Toymaker and the killer doll fight to survive. Only the victor will get off at the next stop!”

Ugh — more dumb doll horror. Chucky, if he wasn’t undead, would be rolling over in his toy box. And does this plot not take replacement parts from Puppetmaster (1989), and its 12 sequels? (Honorary mention: Magic/1978).

Family Blood

FAMILY BLOOD (March 31, 2018/Netflix)
Ellie, a recovering drug addict, has just moved to a new city with her two teenage children. She has struggled to stay sober in the past and is determined to make it work this time, finding a stable job and regularly attending her meetings. Unfortunately, new friends, a new job, and the chance of a new life, can’t keep Ellie from slipping once again. Her life changes when she meets Christopher— a different kind of addict —which forces her daughter and son to accept a new version of Ellie.”

Smells like a vampire to me. Then again, everything smells like vampires, especially Krispy Kreme™ donuts. Those things will suck the very soul right out from under your taste buds.

4/20 Massacre

4/20 MASSACRE (April 3, 2018)
“Five women who go camping in the woods to celebrate a friend’s birthday over the 4/20 weekend. But when they cross the turf of an illegal marijuana growing operation they must struggle to survive the living nightmare.”

Hmmm, what could a “living nightmare” possibly be when stumbling into a marijuana growing operation? You guessed correctly — there’s no beer with which to catch a weekend buzz. How boring it must be for all of them.

Dasvidaniya: Russian Brides 2

Svetlana Veselov is a sweet, naive exchange student from Moscow plunged into a living nightmare where she must fight to survive. But, what happens when the hunted becomes the huntress and the pain of others brings pleasure?

Again with the living nightmare. It’s like you’re working at Jack In The Box™ when your friends show up at the drive-thru window and you’re standing there in the grease spattered company uniform, stinking of french fries and secret sauce. Still, I’ve been in worse living nightmares, none of which, though, involve mail-order Jack In The Box™ brides. Yet, anyway. (I’m more of a Five Guys Burgers And Fries™ mail order brides person.)

Mallzilla, Double Scarecrows, Future Toilets

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Not talking about beer (although I guess I just did), I’m referring to the famous Godzilla statue in Tokyo’s Hibiya Chanter (ranked No.70 on TripAdvisor among 352 attractions in Chiyoda). So popular is this magnificent sculpture, the entire shopping mall is being renamed as Godzilla Square later in March, 2018. I should like to live there. In the mall. Next to the Godzilla statue.

Shin Godzilla

But hold the boat — now they’re kicking Godzilla to the curb, where he’s stood vigilantly since 1995. And in his place, they’re gonna put…Godzilla. (Go wash your face — there’s a big question mark on it.) The replacement will be none other than Shin Godzilla, which continues to be massively popular in Japan. (There’s even a Shin Godzilla statue inside the mall, next to the L.L. Bean store, which regularly has 50% off sales — neat!)

Shin Godzilla

So the Heisi Godzilla statue won’t become a street person and will be relocated inside of Toho Cinemas Hibiya on March 29, 2018, while Shin Godzilla becomes the new ambassador for unbridled consumerism outside. And all of this happens on March 23, 2018. (That’s a Friday — time to call in sick at work and head to Japan for a few hours to get a few Shin selfies.)

If you’re unable to get the time off to join me, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not qualify for an L.L. Bean 50% discount…


HEADGAME (available now)
“A group of young people awake, locked inside a warehouse with cameras screwed into their heads. It becomes apparent that they are unwilling competitors in a deadly game, and they will need to murder each other if they hope to survive.”

Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth

A camera screwed to your head? Sounds delightfully painful. But it’s been done before in Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth (1992).


“While on a hike to find a secret lagoon, a group of teenagers have no choice but to pass through an ominous cornfield. Unbeknown to them, the farm owner despises trespassers and has vowed to kill anyone who crosses his land by turning them into living scarecrows, leaving them to rot in his fields. Once one goes up…it never comes down.”

I think the farmer is over-reacting. I mean, it’s just corn, for crying out loud. It’s not like he’s growing eggplant. (There is not enough chocolate butter frosting in the world to make eggplant taste anything other than like eating skunk pie.)

Rise of the Scarecrows: Hell On Earth

“A quiet town finds that a deadly secret from their past has come back with a vengeance to take over its inhabitants.”

According to, this is a “belated sequel to Rise of the Scarecrows (2003).” It’d be cool if Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz (1939) had a cameo. Sure, he’d be almost 80 years old, but scarecrows aren’t supposed to look fresh off the vine. Also, it would be nice to see him rip human flesh apart as if caught in a baler-gone-wild instead of vaudeville dancing and singing, while slightly entertaining, accomplishes nothing.

Nova Star

NOVA STAR (pending crowd-funding)
“Set in an ’80s retro future world, Mack and her robot co-worker Spanners, clean toilets aboard a majestic spaceship, the Nova Queen. When an ancient star fragment is embedded in Mack’s skull by a dying space princess the space-sh*t hits the space-fan. Mack and Spanners are chased across the galaxy by Kill-Bots, Space Pirates, Bounty Hunters and an evil Space Queen who will use the Star to flush the entire cosmos out of reality through a black hole. Using everything she knows from a life working in sanitation it’s up to Mack to save the star, and save the galaxy!”

Seems to have all the right ingredients. I’m mean, who wouldn’t want to clean future toilets? If I were to call on all my life’s sanitation skills, I can sum it up in three T-shirt worthy words: jiggle the handle.

Godzilla’s Butt, Storm In A Box, Stuffed Terror

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shin Godzilla

If you did/didn’t see Shin Godzilla (2016), you’ll still have a gnawing urge to buy the insanely detailed  “frozen” Godzilla action model, complete with that awesome mutated tail. (Note: If you didn’t see Shin Godzilla, please unread the previous sentence as it will spoil your TV dinner.)

Shin Godzilla

Bandai™ is selling said model/action figure/occasional table guardian in July, 2018 (I don’t know when that is) and the SH MonsterArts design will set you back $132.00 U.S. bit coins, though there is no North America release date scheduled. This means you’ll have to fly to Japan, get a hotel, take a taxi to the nearest toy store, buy the model, go back to the hotel and drink up all the mini-bar beverages, and fly all the way back home and build a nightstand shrine for it. Or you can order it online. Whatev.

Shin Godzilla

While you pack your suitcase (leave room for some duty-free saki purchasable at the Narita Airport), here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that probably don’t rent for $132.00…

Doomsday Device

DOOMSDAY DEVICE (available now)
“Two FBI agents trying to arrest several crooks who find an ancient Japanese artifact of enormous power. Now, they must stop the crooks from delivering the stone to the criminal mastermind, who is a rich businessman.”

They don’t tell you what the “enormously powerful” stone does, but looking at the key art, it appears to control the weather. Wish I could do that. If so, I’d make it rain on everybody’s parade except mine. Now that I think of it, maybe I’ll make it purple rain. And it’ll stain like nobody’s business.

Atlantic Rim Resurrection

Mech-bots, with even bigger and badder weapons than their predecessors, attempt to stop bio-mechanical monsters from descending on LA. But the monsters are stronger, leaving the pilots of the mech-bots scrambling to defeat the creatures.”

Could’ve predicted this one without the help of those 1-800 psychics. Once AGAIN The Asylum is cashing in on someone else’s intellectual property to make a cheap knock-off and a quick buck. Atlantic Rim Resurrection, of course, is the sequel to Atlantic Rim (2013), which “borrowed” from Pacific Rim, and now Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), the upcoming sequel, as well. Be careful walking by Asylum’s offices; if they look out the window and see what you’re wearing, by the time you get to the end of the block, the staff will all be dressed exactly like you.

Alpha Gateway

ALPHA GATEWAY (available now)
“A particle physicist grieving over the loss of her husband in a car crash travels to a parallel world to find him again, with dire consequences for her family.”

Um, is this not a main part of the story arc of CW’s hit TV series, The Flash? Every time Barry Allen, oops, I mean the Flash (dang — I just gave away his secret identity) travels either forward or backward in time, he messes up everyone’s chi. Also, this plot takes liberty from The Butterfly Effect (2004). But if you’ve been traveling back and forth in time, you already knew that.

Teddy Bears Are For Lovers

“During a college-wide Valentine’s Day party, a 20-something Casanova is targeted by a group of blood thirsty, adorable Teddy Bears seeking revenge for the hearts he has broken, and must confront his ex-girlfriends to break the curse.”

Bloodthirsty Teddy Bears. So this is what the bottom of the idea barrel looks like.

Ghost Channel

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dead Waves

As producer of Spirit Sightings, a TV show in Japan that documents the paranormal, Hiroshi Usui needs ratings if he’s to ever to get a shot at Ringu, Part 8.

Dead Waves

Taking his camera crew and an exorcist he found in the phone book to a house where a young girl is reputedly possessed by something more nasty than shrimp cakes, the ritual goes oops and actually opens the spiritual screen door wider for naked, Goth-faced evil to crawl on stomachs through.

Dead Waves

And it just so happens, as a doctor points out, the airing of the TV show causes the already high suicide rate to spike during that time slot. he blames it on “dead waves,” a way for evil to broadcast itself onto your television. The subliminal influence makes people jump out windows and slash their own throats — and that’s just the commercials.

Dead Waves

But in the end, Dead Waves (2005) is just more slow-paced J-horror crud, with no thrills, chills or eating of brains. And the evil entities? I’ve seen scarier people in fetish clubs. Turn off the TV or jump out a window (okay, don’t do that) — just don’t squander your time on this squanderance of time.

El Chupacabra vs. The Law

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Guns of El Chupacabra

Jack B. Quick is a space sheriff, whose job on Earth, is to eliminate that pesky sucker of goats, the legendary Chupacabra. He’ll have his Jack hands full; this Chupacabra is six-feet tall, looks like a cross between a seafood platter entree and Japanese pro wrestler, and is actually the presumably housebroken pet of Lord Invader.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Sent by the Queen Bee and King Allmedia (are you groaning out loud yet?), Jack has to be Quick around the Chupacabra in order to not get his goat blood sucked or admonished by the Queen, whose shirt stuffers are metaphorically the size of orbiting planets.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Jack chases Chupacabra around in his spacecraft, an early model Plymouth. To assist in his quest, he packs a shotgun (easily purchased throughout the galaxy). He also has to slap Lord Invader upside the head for letting his pet go outside his interstellar front yard. And if all of this doesn’t leave you gasping for logic, rocket ranger Dan Danger (now would be another good time to groan audibly) shows up to verbally walk us through this land mine-ridden story line. If Jack B. Quick succeeds, he’ll be knighted. If not, food stamps.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Working on a budget so low, the actors themselves paid for it (in more ways than one). Guns of El Chupacabra (1997) is a sci-fi comedy with a half-decent monster costume, wincing dialogue/references, and Julie Strain, who I would pay to just see stand there for 90 or so minutes.

Janes Bond

Posted in Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Samurai Chicks

A dancer’s academy on a Japanese island (I thought Japan was an island) recruits rhythm-inclined street kids for an elite group of teeny bop terrorist assassins. Their first assignment: steal a suitcase handcuffed to a suspicious guy.

Samurai Chicks

No problem for these four highly trained break-dancers. They intercept the car by throwing a fake boob that shoots icy-cold smoke out of the nipple. (Can’t tell you how many times that’s happened to me.)

Samurai Chicks

The little ladies easily dispatch the man’s bodyguards with a couple of roundhouse kicks to the sushi hole and then chop his arm off to get the suitcase. (They didn’t have the handcuff key, so…)

Samurai Chicks

A promising start to Samurai Chicks (2004) ponderous story about a freedom fighting underground movement to liberate themselves from a bunch of guys who don’t really reveal why they’re bad, they just are.

Samurai Chicks

The sci-fi girls get orders via message codes built into dance moves, which instruct them to kill. (Note to self: be careful when out hip-hopping as I might be giving someone the go-ahead to stab my neck with a shoe.)

Samurai Chicks

All told, very little blood, a ghost mom who dies when a bolt falls out of an army plane and bolts itself to her head, a flamethrower dude with a stuffed duck on his head, a few electro-shock therapy dudes and a dancing pink bunny. (Don’t ask.)

Samurai Chicks

You’d think with all these kick ass ingredients, Samurai Chicks (aka, Dokuritsu shôjo gurentai) would kick ass. But it just doesn’t.

Heavy Metal Godzilla, Partying With Bigfoot, Zumba Your Demons

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


For those breathing toxic air in Japan (last time there, I came down with itai-itai, or “ouch-ouch”) who’ve seen Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017), the happy slobber-inducing feature-length anime, two things your life depends on knowing.

First, they changed the title from Godzilla: Monster Planet (thereby embarrassing my cheeks red for reporting it as such).

Secondly, a sequel has already been green-lighted/green-lit and already put into production, called Kessen Kidou Zoushoku Toshi (May, 2018). This abstractly doesn’t translate to Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla Monster Planet. (G’Zilla may not be actually versusing Mechagodzilla, but why else would Mecha-G be there, to direct traffic?)

MechagodzillaThey better not change the title on me or I will become so fukōna sawagi.

The sequel premiers in Japan movie theaters in May of 2018, so it’ll be some wait later it gets shown here on the telly. Until that time and space arrives, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that better have the correct titles…

Exorcism of the 7th Demon

EXORCISM OF THE 7TH DEMON (available now)
“After a possession led to his daughter’s suicide, Michael has made it his mission to save others from the same fate. Struggling with faith and purpose, he takes on Satan’s army and the demons that seek his demise.”

Didn’t see the first six exorcisms (aka, not drinking for almost a week). Sobriety, like a demon, is evil, man.

Where Birds Don't Fly

WHERE BIRDS DON’T FLY (available now)
“A serial killer leaves a trail of brutality in San Bernardino, California and it is up to a team of hardened detectives to try and catch him before more innocent lives are taken.”

I think this came out on DVD (a shiny flat 8-track) earlier this year, but available now on VOD (invisible 8-track; can’t tell if its shiny). So EVEN MORE movies about serial killers — like we don’t have enough in back stock in real life.


INOPERABLE (December 1, 2017/limited theatrical run)
“A young woman wakes up in a seemingly evacuated hospital with a hurricane approaching. She realizes the storm has awakened malevolent forces, trapping her in a time loop. She must escape the hospital before the storm passes or she will be trapped in its halls forever.”

Sounds like Groundhog Day (1993) with the possibility of more blood gunk. These time loop themes are pretty fun. Look to The X-Files’ “Monday” (1999) for an excellent example. Then try Run Lola, Run (1998), Triangle (2009), Haunter (2013), and the under-rated Edge of Tomorrow (2014). Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. (I keep getting this odd feeling I’ve done that before.)

Cherokee Creek

CHEROKEE CREEK (2017/2018)
“A bachelor party in the woods gets crashed by the ultimate party animal.”

Calling Bigfoot a “party animal” is pretty dang funny. Not sure why a bunch of dudes are having a bachelor party in the woods. Seems like Las Vegas or The Poggie Tavern might be better choices, what with their relaxed rules on soiling oneself in public due to an overdose of alcohol fun. But hey, If I had the choice, I’d party in the woods as well, what with the possibility of getting drunk with Bigfoot. That’d be pretty sweet.