Hard to call Humans Vs. Zombies a new movie when there’s really nothing new about it. A deadly virus turns most of humanity into the undead, who pursue the living as if an all you can eat buffet. A small group of survivors shoot the zombies with guns. The end.
If that story line seems familiar to you, it’s because it’s been used – and continues to be used – in 97% of the movies about zombies. And like the chicks who won’t let me feel them up, there are a LOT of ’em out there.
It’s not that I’m against Humans Vs. Zombies. Heck, I’d rather watch the living dead devour the living any day of the week. But to fall back on the whole “deadly virus reanimating hordes of the dead who eat your neck” angle is just plain lazy.
For once they should have Jesus come down from Heaven (which is in outer space) and look at all the crap we’re doing to His planet. Pissed off at everyone, the Son of Man shoots beams out of His glowing eyes and makes buried corpses get out of their dirt beds and gives them permission to eat your face off. And since Jesus was the first zombie (He came back from the dead three days after the Nazareth Virus took Him down), this plot angle makes perfect logical sense.
Making a zombie movie is like rap music – anybody can do it. And everyone is doing it because it’s an easy buck. But why even fight it when there’ll be 10 more zombie movies with the exact same premise coming out next week. I may as well begin filming mine – Jesus, Lord of the Undead. Maybe I can get a rap artist to star in it. You know, to give it street cred and keep it real.