Gigantic Empire, Behind The Nightmare, Board With Sharks

After much speculation and ballyhoo (sorry — word of the day calendar), the OFFICIAL title for the next Godzilla/Kong movie is…Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire. Not sure what the “x” stands for, though given their newfound BFF status at the end of Godzilla vs. Kong (2021), they should title the movie, Godzilla xoxo Kong: The New Empire.

The 30 second teaser trailer shows a sinewy Kong sitting on his throne, throwing out his infamous “frowning of a lifetime glare,” while the scene pulls back over a sea of kaiju bones, culminating in two mega gigantic skulls formerly belonging to a previous Godzilla and Kong. Or maybe they are the bone-y remains of the current Godzilla and Kong and the Kong sitting on the throne is a new one. Or maybe I should just shut up and wait for the movie to find out, which is targeted to Imax™ and non-Imax™ screens on March 15, 2024.

Regardless, pant-tingling news for Godzilla and Kong fans, of which I am one. More tingles: there’s also a Skull Island anime series coming to Netflix™ and a live-action Godzilla and the Titans series coming to Apple TV+™ with Kurt Russell. I need to go do a load of laundry right now.

So while we IMPATIENTLY wait for March 15, 2024, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not make your pants tingle…

HELLO HORROR / Out now (Screambox™, Bloody Disgusting TV)

“Hello Horror, featuring Vanessa Decker, Ryan Valdez, and Jones Bones, is a genre variety show that covers the spooky community – everything from red carpets, museums, cocktails, events, games, plus more. Vanessa and her crew take the audience on adventures, shining a light on the amazing community the genre has generated.”

I would like to drink a cocktail while standing on a red carpet in a museum. Just as long as there’s a bathroom close by because, hey, cocktails.

HOLLYWOOD, DREAMS & NIGHTMARES: THE ROBERT ENGLUND STORY / June 6, 2023 (Screambox™)

“Featuring interviews with Robert Englund and his wife Nancy, as well as fellow genre icons Lin Shaye, Eli Roth, Kane Hodder, Tony Todd, Adam Green, Bill Moseley, Heather Langenkamp and more, the documentary follows Englund’s career from his early days in Buster and Billie and Stay Hungry (starring with Arnold Schwarzenegger) to his big break in the 1980s as Freddy Krueger, to his directorial debut with the 1988 horror film 976-EVIL to his iconic acting status in current roles such as Netflix’s™ hit series, Stranger Things. With each new film in the series, Englund’s status as an icon grew until he became one of the most recognizable names in horror. Grossing over $450M at the box office, the Nightmare franchise has shown itself to be one of the most prolific in horror history. Spawning, merchandise, a television series and a 2010 remake, Englund’s influence continues to ripple across the genre.”

I saw each of the nine Freddy Krueger movie seven times each. So I’m responsible for at least $50 million of his box office take. (Note to Sir Englund: I need a receipt for my taxes — I’m writing it off as gambling losses. 

THE HORROR OF DELORES ROACH / July 7, 2023 (Amazon™ Original Series) 

“The Horror of Dolores Roach is based on the hit Gimlet podcast. The eight-episode, half-hour series is a contemporary Sweeney Todd-inspired tale, a macabre urban legend of love, betrayal, weed, gentrification, cannibalism, and survival of the fittest.”

Delores Roach. I hear she…bugs…a lot of people. Comedy gold, right there.

OUIJA SHARK 2 / July 25, 2023 (VOD), August 15, 2023 (DVD, Blu-ray)

“When the Ouija Shark emerges from Hell to cause havoc once more on earth, a sorcerer with a history of fighting the ghostly great white must follow it into a multiverse hellscape for one final battle. But this time he is bringing along some friends to help send the shark into oblivion.”

Maybe the sorcerer can conjure Quint from the dead to assist. He deserves punitive justice after Jaws ate him in half back in the Seventies. That was so mean of Jaws to do that.

Metal For Your Face, Empowered Horror Women, Cursed Movie Stars

If you’re a fan of heavy metal (again, why wouldn’t you be?), you’ll load your britches over a gaggle of new Iron Maiden “Eddie” Halloween masks by Trick or Treat Studios (.com). Eddie, as everyone in the universe knows (even aliens), is the ghoulish mascot for Iron Maiden, gracing the cover of all their albums, sometimes as a zombie slasher, undead WWII pilot, an Egyptian mummy and even a living dead cyborg. If I was a cyborg, I’d want to look like Eddie. Then we could hang out all day and do cool cyborg stuff.

So now Trick or Treat Studios is set to release four new Iron Maiden full head masks, including “Aces High” Eddie, Powerslave, Somewhere in Time Eddie, Final Frontier Eddie, and Number of the Beast Eddie. What, no Groundhog’s Day Eddie? Prices for this sublime face-wear ranges from $49.99 — $59.00. A mere pittance to look like one of heavy metal’s most famous icons.

A little history: the rotting, skeletal visage of Eddie was done by artist Derek Riggs, was based on an original design by art student who just happened to be BBFs with Dave “Lights” Beasley, who, back in the early band days, was in charge of lighting, pyrotechnics and other hearing-damaging effects for Iron Maiden’s live show.

The new masks will be available August/September of this year, which I was just told is 2018. Geez, it was 1980 just a few days ago. So while we wait for our molded plastic makeover, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to bang your rubber-encased head to…

DEAD LIST (May 1, 2018/VOD)
“Calvin is competing with five other actors — Zander, Scott, Kush, Jason and Bob — for a major movie role. Stopping at nothing to win the role of a lifetime, he uses a demonic book to curse his fellow actors, with each actor being killed off in their own separate unique and terrifying chapter.”

Sounds like one of those Final Destination (2000) things, but with demon flavorings added. The only demonic book I know is the TV Guide™. That flippin’ thing is evil and will suck your soul right out of your eyeballs on a nightly basis for hours at a time.

MARY SHELLEY (May 25, 2018)
“Passionate and rebellious teenager Mary Wollstonecraft finds a kindred spirit in poet Percy Shelley. Their whirlwind love affair scandalizes polite society, as the young couple gorge on literature and a bohemian life. When tragedy strikes and the couple lose their baby daughter, Mary strikes back, finding the courage and bravery to transform her pain into the world’s first science fiction novel, Frankenstein— all by the age of 18.”

Mary Shelley, back in the 1800s, was the woman who created Frankenstein, but she’s not the only one. Have you met my mom?

UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (June 22, 2018)
“Young and disenchanted Sam meets a mysterious and beautiful woman who’s swimming in his building’s pool one night. When she suddenly vanishes the next morning, Sam embarks on a surreal quest across Los Angeles to decode the secret behind her disappearance, leading him into the murkiest depths of mystery, scandal and conspiracy.”

I’m thinkin’ the girl in the pool is a ghost mermaid on the swim from the Law. As for the surreal quest across Los Angeles, just driving a few blocks in Hollywood definitely qualifies.

DON’T LEAVE HOME (2018/2019)
“An American artist’s obsession with a disturbing urban legend leads her to an investigation of the story’s origins at the crumbling estate of a reclusive painter in Ireland.”

I can only guess that the urban legend is a sober Irishman. Heh.

Super Cars, Rocket Scientists, Evil Elves

More key art designs for the upcoming Justice League movie (November 17, 2017), this time side profile mug shots of everybody except Superman. I guess they don’t want to give away the fact that Super Dude is coming back from the dead for this one. (He died at the end of 2016’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice after tripping on his cape and falling in front of a more powerful locomotive. Tragic.)

As expected, the first wave of cross merchandising in advance of the highly anticipated Justice League movie starring Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash and Cyborg rolls in with action figures and, quite neato, Hot Wheels™ character die-cast cars. (Crossing fingers for Justice League tissue holders.)

While the first series of Justice League cars came out in 2012 for $20.00, the new JL Hot Wheels™ cars (releasing November 1, 2017) are the same price, but are cooler. For instance, the Batman car uses echo location instead of GPS. The Superman car is immune to fender benders. The Aquaman car runs on clam nectar. The Flash car comes with its own speeding tickets. The Cyborg car’s real name is KITT (If you’re old enough, you’ll get that joke.) And if you try and look under the hood of the Wonder Woman car, you get a slap on the face.

While we wait for these affordable choking hazards, here are a few horror/sci-fi movies and documentaries that don’t even have their logos on lunch boxes…

CHASING FLYING SAUCERS — THE STANTON FRIEDMAN STORY (available now)
“Are flying saucers real? For the past 40 years, Stanton Friedman has been the world’s foremost investigator and lecturer on the UFO phenomenon. He is credited with breaking the famous Roswell UFO case and is a leading expert on the procurement of government UFO documents. This is his story.”

Stanton Friedman’s been my go-to UFO guy for years. For one thing, he’s a former rocket scientist (but makes more bling on the fringe speaking circuit). Secondly, the guy seriously does his research and comes to the table with a stacked deck of facts, the first being that UFOs are real and that we’ve been Air BnB’d by extraterrestrials. Friedman should know; he’s the guy who pulled the pants down on that whole Roswell conspiracy. This isn’t a movie, but anyone wanting to make a UFO flick should watch this. And those who already have made UFO movies, watch Chasing Flying Saucers and go back and re-do everything from scratch.

BEYOND THE TREK (available now)
“A deep space mining vessel has been adrift for two years. It is suspected the crew brutally killed each other, but the reason for the bloodbath is unknown. A rescue crew is sent to find if there are any survivors, what happened and why, but what they discover might make them destroy themselves and the world.”

A Wal-Mart™ version of Star Trek Beyond (2016). So much so, they even patterned their characters after our favorite team of galaxy exploring/laser shooting pioneers — Space Bonanza.

BUCKOUT ROAD (October 7, 2017/International Black Film Festival)
“Buckout Road might be known as the most haunted road in New York State, but nobody really believed it…until now. A college class project on modern mythology turns deadly when a trio of students discovers a series of horrific urban legends surrounding Buckout Road may actually be true. The deeper they dig into the road’s dark, mysterious history, the more dangerous their quest becomes. From witches burning at the stake, to backwoods albino killers, to a modern, unstoppable stalker.”

Gotta be careful with saying this title at box socials, just like “Shiitake” mushrooms and “shih tzu” dogs. (I’m still trying to live down “coccyx”.) As for a “modern, unstoppable stalker, what does that mean — someone who relentlessly follows you around all the time? If that’s the case, then my mailman qualifies.

THE ELF (November 7, 2017 (VOD)/December 5, 2017 (DVD)
“Nick is haunted by night terrors stemming from a tragic murder he saw when he was young. After inheriting an old toy shop, Nick discovers a cursed elf doll sealed inside an ancient chest with a naughty list of his family’s names written on it. He soon discovers that the elf was an evil conduit meant to unleash a supernatural killing spree during the Christmas holidays by whoever set it free.”

Christmas horror certainly isn’t in short supply this season, what with Better Watch Out and Red Christmas leading the charge. Last year was pretty good, too, as Krampus (the anti-Santa) was unwrapping skin left and right. And in A Christmas Horror Story (2015), the elves were zombies. I deem that cool. Thought this might be the year of rabid reindeer, but I’ll just have to put that one on my Christmas list for next year.

Ghost vs. Ghost

Sadako vs. Kayako (2016) had all the elements to become a supernatural tour de force lock-up worthy of a pay-per-view. (Now that I think about it, that’s what VOD is.) Regardless, the Japanese horror match with Sadako the long black haired ghost chick that crawls out of wells/TV screens from The Ring franchise, and Kayako, the long black hair ghost chick that crawls down stairs on her stomach from the Ju-on Grudge series, should’ve been a box office bonanza for these two iconic ghosts. Instead, it turned into a slow-moving, frightless flick made for teens. To put a sharper point on it, teens are more scary than this movie.

To access these vengeful ghost gals is easy. For Sadako, just watch a cursed video tape. Then the phone rings and it’s Sadako informing you of deadness by death in 48 hours. With Kayako, just poke around the abandoned house where she “lives” with that pasty white kid in diapers who makes cat growl sounds. Once inside, she spider crawls down the stairs and pretty much ends your existence with just a blink of her one eyeball. (Wonder if she wears contacts?)

Two high school chicks learn about Sadako from their urban legends teacher, then later go to a junk shop and buy an old VCR, which just happens to have the cursed tape still in it. Like all teens they burn it onto a disc and upload it to the Internet, where it goes viral. Now that’s some efficient population control. Of course, one of the girls actually watches the tape and the phone rings. Nice not knowing you.

Over at Kayako’s house, four young school boys go inside and…school’s out forever. This was witnessed by the teen girl across the street who is made stinky by the curse of Kayako. And now we have the dots in place to connect how this movie is supposed to work.

A botched exorcism with the girl earmarked for death introduces us to Keizo Tokiwa, a ghostbuster with psychic powers, who whips his hand around the doomed victim to expel said curse. Doesn’t always work. Must not be whipping hard enough. The die-now-pay-later teen kills herself with a belt wrapped around her neck instead of sagging britches. This leaves the unkilled friend and the girl across the street whose parents Kayako just ghosted (in a confusing sequence that made about much sense as the little boy who talks like a wet cat) to all gather at the Kayako’s house for the big showdown.

And here’s where all the pointlessness could’ve been salvaged — the two scariest poltergeists in Japan’s movie history finally facing off. Keizo theorized that the ghost gals would cancel each others’ curses when their disparate energies collide. Guess what didn’t happen? Their first meeting had them evenly matched and nothing really happens except a lot of flailing black hair and everyone ending up in the well outside. (Who even has one of those in a middle class neighborhood? If I was middle class, I might consider having one installed — without the bucket retrievable curses.)

With no pay-off, Sadako vs. Kayako is a BIG let-down. There was so little screen time for both S and K, you wonder how someone justified their names being used in the title. They must have good agents.

Kitchen Sink Horror

Looking for new horror movies with fresh, exciting and original ideas? Not gonna find ‘em here. But hey, it’s either this or romantic comedies (i.e., “rom coms”). Now that I think about it, rom coms can be pretty dang horrifying as well. Time to take my foot out of my mouth YET AGAIN.

Anyway…

MONSTER POOL: CHAPTER TWO (Available now / unrated / uncensored)
“One Movie. Ten Tales of Terror. Dive deep into murky and bloody waters with Vampires, Ghosts, Demons, Death, Succubi, Mind Control, The Monster Under Your Bed, Cults, Zombies and Serial Killers!”

What, no kitchen sink? Those things can be shockingly frightful, especially when they’re full of unwashed dishes. (I did ’em last time, so now it’s your turn.)

IT WATCHES (December 6, 2016 / VOD & February 21, 2017 / DVD)
“Andre takes a house sitting job at a creepy home nestled in the hills above Los Angeles. As night comes the house reveals its insidious nature as he begins hearing ominous sounds and experiencing strange occurrences throughout the house that lead him to believe he is not alone, and that someone, or something is in the house with him.”

I’m betting it’s a ghost. Or a rat. Or a rat ghost. The takeaway here is that a haunted house is no big deal when it’s someone else’s mortgage payment.

THE NOONDAY WITCH (aka, Polednice / available now / Czech Republic / USA / 2017)
“Eliška and her eight years old daughter Anetka move into a remote house to begin their new life with the ‘father away on business,’ as the mother claims. However, when the daughter discovers the truth and realizes her own mother lied to her all along, their relationship begins to wither. At that time, the mythical creature of The Noonday Witch begins to materialize. It is coming closer and closer and the question is poised: is the danger real or is it all in the mother’s crumbling head?”

Crumbling head. Great description. It describes me on so many levels. As for the Noonday Witch, I know nothing about her and why she’s up at the crack of noon causing all sorts of sleeping-in-late shennanigans. Maybe it’s because wiccans always work the night shift.

LAKE BODOM (aka, Bodom / available now / Finland, 2017 / USA)
“Every camper’s worst nightmare came true at Lake Bodom in 1960 when four teenagers were stabbed to death while sleeping in their tent. As the years passed and the case grew cold, the unsolved mystery turned into an urban legend, a creepy campfire story passed from generation to generation. Now, a group of teenagers arrives at the same campsite, hoping to solve the murder by reconstructing it minute by minute. As night falls, turns out not all of them are there to play. Tonight it’s girls against boys. Let the killing games begin.”

Stock Horror Plot # 8. New slasher movie, same recipe. I’ll still watch it, even though they give away the plot. Theorized spoiler: If it’s not each other, I bet the killer is that Toronto Maple Leafs hockey fan from Friday the 13th Part III (1982).

THE VOID (2017)
“In the middle of a routine patrol, officer Daniel Carter happens upon a blood-soaked figure limping down a deserted stretch of road. He rushes the young man to a nearby rural hospital staffed by a skeleton crew, only to discover that patients and personnel are transforming into something inhuman. As the horror intensifies, Carter leads the other survivors on a hellish voyage into the subterranean depths of the hospital in a desperate bid to end the nightmare before it’s too late.”

A skeleton crew working at a hospital. I don’t know why that cracks me up. The plot recalls 2008’s Norwegian horror movie Dark Floors, wherein heavy metal demons pursue a father and daughter trapped in a haunted hospital. I don’t think heavy metal demons are in The Void, though. Probably zombies. Or skeletons. Or zombie skeletons. Working the night shift.

Ghosts, Gore and Gods

A mixed bag of horror, sci-fi and adventure fantasy up-n-comers as of right now this dang minute. You may proceeed…

ABATTOIR (out now / UK – December 9, 2016 / US (VOD)
“A real estate reporter unearths an urban legend about a house being built from rooms where horrific tragedies have occurred. The investigation ultimately leads to the enigmatic Jebediah Crone and the answer to the terrifying question, “How do you build a haunted house?”

To build a haunted house with intent you’ll need plenty of polter-plywood and supernatural sheetrock for starters. When you’re done, you’ll need to put it up on CraigsList™ as deferred rent for ghosts to make it more haunt-y. (Spirits won’t pay because banks don’t allow the dead to have active checking accounts. Stupid neighborhood lending institutions.)

LAVENDER (2017)
“Jane, a photographer, is forced to come to terms with her mysterious and tragic past after a horrendous car accident robs her of her memory. Along with her husband and daughter, Jane returns to her childhood home to regain control of her life. It’s there she must confront a mysterious lurking force and grapple with a past that continues to haunt her.”

Not buying it for a mysterious and haunted second. First, if Jane lost her memory, how does she know that’s her husband and daughter? Could be actors for all she knows. Secondly, if Jane lost her memory, how does she know where her childhood home is and why it haunts her? The filmmakers need to rethink this entire thing. (Note to whomsoever made this movie: I have a new script ready to go. Like you, it only took me 12 minutes to write.)

THE DARK TAPES (2017)
“A radical horror anthology. Five smart, original stories, each one more terrifying than the other.”

So does “radical” mean “favoring, supporting, or representing extreme forms of religious fundamentalism,” or “bitchin’”? For my sake I hope it’s the latter. This is played-out found footage fare, so probably neither.

THOR: RAGNARÖK (2017)
“Thor returns to Asgard when his home realm is threatened by the Ragnarök, which is the Norse apocalypse.”

A slight stretch to call this horror or sci-fi. (Asgard, Thor’s gated community, combined magic with science eons ago. I believe they now call it “scagic.”) But hey, however much adventure horror/sci-fi it is (or isn’t), the movie is said to feature monster-esque non-Earthers and the Mjölnir, that awesome hammer Thor thor-ows around (heh). Can you imagine, though, if Thor was accessorized with a magic screwdriver instead? How embarrassing to the other Nine Realms would that be?

P.S. Attempt to not confuse this one with Ragnarok, a 2013 Norwegian horror movie in which an archaeologist digs up mysterious runes describing Ragnarök, the Viking legend of the end of the world, and accidentally awakens a giant monster. Oops to that.

Cults, Co-Eds, Contamination, Cataclysm

Is it just my imagination or are there horror movies being made all the time? Seems like I can’t get out of bed without stepping in a wet pile of new genre flicks. Don’t these filmmakers have day jobs? Wish I could sit in a tall chair all day and yell “Cut”! through a huge megaphone. That’d be sweet.

That implied, here are four new horror flicks (as if this e-blogging) to goose up your Halloween before Christmas decorations go up the day after.

SATANIC (October 4, 2016)
“Satanic follows a van full of young, college-aged coeds who are visiting old Satanic Panic-era sites in Los Angeles. They end up following the creepy owner of an occult store home, only to find themselves saving a suspicious girl from an apparent human sacrifice. Only this ‘victim’ turns out to be much more than dangerous then the cult from which she escaped.”

College-aged co-eds. Sounds like an oxymoron, with emphasis on the moron. Does this make it chick horror? Of course it does.

ANTIDOTE (October 21, 2016)
“Antidote takes place in a plague-ridden, post-apocalyptic world. Here, a man and woman face unimaginable horrors. When he suddenly becomes infected, they have to contend with the fact that the only possible cure slowly drives him mad.”

How come the future is always post-apocalyptic, plague-ridden and…oh, that’s right –Republicans.

THE CURSE OF DOCTOR WOLFFENSTEIN (October 25, 2016)
“80 years ago, the diabolical Dr. Victor Wolffenstein wanted nothing more than to be immortal. His tireless quest led him to create a vaccine that did just that, but also infected his body with a flesh-rotting form of necrosis. As the doctor’s limbs literally fell apart, he tried to replace them by using the crudely removed arms and legs of the local villagers who, in order to stop Wolffenstein’s reign of terror, captured him and buried him alive for his crimes.”

There’s more, including five present day teens who f’up and resurrect Wolffy who gets his mutilation on. I have zero pity for them. This one promises to be “the ultimate experience in violence and gore.” If you’re gonna go around calling yourself Wolffenstein, I’d expect nothing less. That, or start a metal band.

TERRORTORY (October 31, 2016)
“Terrortory is an anthology horror film in the vein of Creepshow and Tales From The Crypt. It features six horrific tales set in the mythical region of Maryland known for an abundance of strange happenstances and urban legends.”

Watch this one free on Amazon Prime™ October 1, 2016 – October 31, 2016. And as for Maryland being known for “an abundance of strange happenstances and urban legends,” clearly they haven’t been to the Poggie Tavern™ during last call.

Horrific Rent

Do you remember the 2015 horror film Abattoir, a story about an urban legend concerning a house where “horrific tragedies” occurred? Yep, me neither. I have enough horrific tragedies in my own apartment building (i.e., overflowing top floor toilets, neighbors not wiping their feet before they come in, recyclables mixed with yard waste in the dumpsters…)

Cursed life aside, Abattoir (French for “slaughterhouse”) now has a prequel in Dwelling, wherein a chick buys a the aforementioned haunted house in order to make contact with the spirit world. This has something to do with an unresolved horrific issue concerning her sister. (She probably took her blouse without asking.)

All of which begs the question – how does one make contact with the dead should a cardboard cellphone (i.e., Ouija Board™) not be handy? According to the psychic upstairs who can’t seem to jiggle the handle, a mirror – preferably black – of course. All doorways to Hell are black in color. Duh.

So if you see horrific things when you look in the mirror, you either need to see Dwelling – or get a new mirror.

P.S. I tagged this one back in the ancient days of July 2015 and mentioned that it was supposed to be released before the end of the year. That was a huge big fat stinking lie as the release date has been bumped to the future days of 2016.

Door-To-Door Ghost

The new (as of 2015 anyway) horror vengeful ghost movie Don’t Knock Twice (cruddy title) is described as being “an emotional story full of suspense and twists.”

Plot in yer pants: “Don’t Knock Twice follows a guilt-ridden mother who wants to reconnect with the daughter she was forced to place into care. To save her estranged daughter, she has to uncover the terrifying truth behind the urban legend of a vengeful, demonic witch.”

Generic, but then today’s vengeful ghost movies, with few exceptions, are rarely anything but. If a ghost witch isn’t vengeful and demonic, then it’s a kid’s film. And nobody – except kids – wants that. So what does that leave us? A cookie-cutter horror plot, i.e., Darkness Falls/2003 and The Tooth Fairy/2006 to pull a few outta my haunted arse.

Being jaded suits me.

Volumes of Blood

Almost freaked out in my pants when I saw the title Volumes of Blood (2105), which, in my conspiracy theorist addled brain, mistook as a rip-off of horror/fantasy icon Clive Barker’s Books of Blood series (Volumes 1 – 6, 1984 and 1985). You don’t mess with the Clive.

Anyway, after watching the trailer for Volumes of Blood (kinda cool) and admiring the ad sheet (old school cool), my panicked thoughts were suitably calmed. Here’s why: “Five tales of dread are interwoven when a sociology student gathers several of his friends at the local library on Halloween night to help him create a new urban legend with deadly consequences.”

There’s more to it than that and the premise is promising, despite the title getting a little too close for comfort to a modern classic. But it’s proof that few on this planet have the depth of imagination as Clive Barker. And me. Mostly Clive, though.

Even though a handful of the Books of Blood short stories have been adapted for film – some good (Midnight Meat Train/2008, The Forbidden filmed as Candyman/1992) and some still-awful-but-kinda-fun (Rawhead Rex/1986, The Last Illusion filmed as Lord of Illusions/1995) – you’re doing yourself a massive disservice by not grabbing the BoB compilations from Amazon.com and seeing where some groundbreaking horror continues to live.