A Decade of Drinkin’

Wednesday, June 9, 2010, 5:44 pm.

10 years ago to this day I started Drinkin’ & Drive-in, and began a decade long crawl through the gold-filled mud and muck of horror and sci-fi movies that’ve been my obsession since the Dawn of Mankind. And I say that without hyperbole. More or less.

The first blog written/posted was about one of my all-time fav monsters: Gamera, a Godzilla-sized turtle that could shoot flames out of his mouth AND ass. (I can do one or the other, but not both.) Outside of that, I really didn’t have a vision or goal with this blog, other than to blather on about horror movie stuff filled with mouth-twisting typos, 3rd grade grammatical errors and taking extreme liberties with the English language. (I tried Spanish but only managed to learn one word: “cerveza.” I picked the one word that has served me well.)

I’ve really enjoyed e-barfing in public. It’s almost as fun as farting in church. On that note, I’d like to thank long-time readers of Drinkin’ & Drive-in and some awesomely funny comments you’ve left me. (“May the devil guide my poop…” — that still cracks me up, Jon from NC.)

10 years is/was a good run. But now it’s time to say adiós amoebas. I’m off to pursue other life goals, like chasing parked cars, sponge diving in community swimming pools and collecting air. Future hobbies that will never generate any income includes putting out three e-books (already written), possibly another issue ManSplat magazine (been doing that longer than this blog, despite a 10 year absence), learning how to play the kazoo (man, those things are hard to tune), and generally doing loud stuff.

So now I leave you with a final post — feel free to finish this sentence…

“The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…”

Monster Pride, Extraterrestrial Daddy, Fondling Faeries

Cheers to Scream Factory™ for celebrating Pride Month with the re-release of The Babadook (2014) and a Pride rainbow variant of the Blu-ray cover. Not only do you get a top-shelf horror movie that came out of nowhere (okay, Australia), a portion of all sales in June are being donated to the Los Angeles LGBT Center. And at an affordable $19.95, snap ’em up quick as they’re limited to 2,500 copies.

If you haven’t seen The Babadook, here’s why you should: “A single mother, plagued by the violent death of her husband, battles with her son’s fear of a monster lurking in the house, but soon discovers a sinister presence all around her.”

Okay, so the press release doesn’t exactly inspire a sprint to the video store (whatever those are), or clicking like a madman online. But this one showed up on film critics’ best of year-end lists almost unanimously.

And while we celebrate all things Pride and Babadook-y, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be watchable by hysterical single moms with haunted kids…

DOLLS (July 2, 2019)
“A struggling children’s book author and his rebellious teenage daughter inherit a house where they find mysterious dolls in the attic, which prove to be more sinister than they first appear.”

Then don’t go into the attic. Or the basement. Or the tool shed out back. Or the bathroom after this movie takes a big steaming dump to match its storyline.

CARNIVAL ROW (August 30, 2019/Amazon Prime™)
“A Victorian fantasy world filled with mythological immigrant creatures. Feared by humans, they are forbidden to live, love, or fly with freedom. But even in darkness, hope lives, as a human detective and a faerie rekindle a dangerous affair. The city’s uneasy peace collapses when a string of murders reveals a monster no one could imagine.”

A streaming TV series, which means more binge watching, which also means more meaningful time spent on the couch. Wondering what they mean by “rekindling a dangerous affair” between a regular dude and a faerie; I’m all for it. Just think, a girlfriend with wings — you fly, I’ll buy. Heh.

AD ASTRA (September 20, 2019)
“An Army Corps engineer decides to go on an ambitious space mission to find out the truth behind the mysterious disappearance of his father, who set out on a journey to Neptune looking for signs of extraterrestrial intelligence, but never returned.”

Long way to go to get some closure on your daddy issues. Maybe he’s going off grid to keep from paying child support. Maybe Neptune’s not far away enough.

THE DAWN (2019)
“A young woman witnesses her father murder her family in the wake of World War I. Sent to live in a convent, she dedicates her life to the Lord. However, her demons follow and manifest themselves in ways which bring the nightmares of her past with her. ”

I hear there are no TVs or min-bars in convents. Bring on the demons.

Going Ape Over Kong, Girls With Crabs, Tattooed Ghosts

Mezcotoyz.com is globally known for making incredibly cool action figures, using characters from Halloween, The Evil Dead and The Exorcist, to Friday The 13th, Dawn of the Dead, It and mucho more. Their latest masterpiece is an 18” tall Kong from Skull Island with, get this — THREE interchangeable heads. This covers a wide range of mood swings.

Pre-orderable now, the ridiculously neato Kong figure ships between November 2019 – January 2020. While the $250.00 asking price is a bit steep, think of how cool Kong would look standing atop a festive fruit arrangement on your dining room table.

Before I head out to buy a dining room table, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as visually pleasing as a festive fruit arrangement…

CRABGIRL (available now/Amazon Prime™)
“A young virgin guy does not manage to have sex with his beloved long-term girlfriend on his 23rd birthday. By putting an ultimatum on their relationship, he acknowledges the incredible truth beyond her rejection.”

Not really a movies (though it should be), this 19-minute film short came out in the Ukraine 2018. Unless the Internet is lying to me. You’d think this is a cautionary tale and a metaphor for STDs, but the crabgirl has an actual beach crab living in her love grotto. Apparently, since she was a kid. Her boyfriend thinks she’s just making excuses to not have sex with him. What follows next is amusingly predictable. But stick around for the twist ending. It will make you LOL.

JOHNNY GHOST (available now)
“Millicent, a professional musician and lecturer, decides to remove her tattoo, only to begin experiencing ghosts from her past.”

Pffft — I’ve removed lots of tattoos and have yet to see one ghost. I don’t care if they are rub-on tats; they still count.

FREAKS (August 23, 2019)
“A disturbed father locks his 7-year-old daughter in a house, warning her of grave dangers outside. But the mysterious Mr. Snowcone convinces the girl to escape and join him on a profound quest for family, freedom, and revenge.”

If some guy named Mr. Snowcone asked me to go come along, I would follow him to the ends of the Earth.

REBORN (2019)
“A stillborn baby girl is abducted by a morgue attendant and brought back to life by electrokinetic power. On her sixteenth birthday, she escapes captivity and sets out to find her birth mother, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.”

Um, would her name happen to be Carrie, by any chance?

Queen Ghidorah, Weathered Clowns, Men (And Women) In Black

Three more/new promotional key art for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). This brings the total of advertising posters (so far) to 14. They only needed one to get my drool cup overflowing. The bulk of the art depicts Godzilla squaring of with King Ghidorah. It’d be cool if a Queen Ghidorah showed up. And each one of her heads could have a different hairdo. That’d be pretty dang funny.

Hot on the heels of the first trailer for It: Chapter Two (September 6, 2019), comes the second of two movie posters. I get that the balloons factor in, but when are they gonna put out some art with Pennywise? Sure, it would no doubt goon out everyone at the mall. So what? Make ’em fill their pants! And speaking of the first trailer, those two minutes alone require you wear Depends™ while watching it. You can thank me later.

A hot-off-the-press new poster for the impending Clownado. There have been several others that were just “meh” (the first one looked like someone with a degree in doodling designed it), but this one is killer. No pun intended. 

In case you didn’t write it down when I first e-barfed about this back in April or 2018, it goes something like this: “Cursed demonic circus clowns set out on a vengeful massacre using tornadoes. A stripper, Elvis impersonator, truck driver, teen runaway, and a dude get caught in the supernatural battle between femme fatal and the boss clown from Hell.” They had me as cursed demonic circus clowns.

The Japanese version of Men In Black: International (June 14, 2019) brings the total of advertising art to 10. I looked at all of ‘em. They’re kinda okay, though I’d tell the movie studio to keep working on ‘em — they need more…doodling. 

Photographic Jaws, Mixtape Monsters, Gator Aid

No question the poster for Jaws (1975) is one of the most iconic pieces of movie art of all time. Illustrated by Roger Kastel, the art has been turned into everything from book covers and board games, to countless parodies and baby blankets. And thanks to British filmmaker/cage diver Euan Rannachan, we now get to see the Jaws poster come to life, featuring his uncanny photo of a real shark swimming Jaws-style towards some soon-to-be happy meal.

As first reported by the Daily Mail, Euan took the one-in-a-million pic off the coast of Mexico. Here’s what he had to say about that: “The shark in my image is a female and her name is Squirrel. We’d been with her for a while. We have these people on the boat called shark wranglers and they throw these two-foot chunks of tuna to get the shark close to the surface,” Rannachan told the site, explaining how he got the perfect photograph of the seventeen-foot shark. A guy named Crazy Luis stood up on the boat to bring the shark to us as we sat on the surface in the shark cage.”

Crazy Luis seems like someone you’d want to fiesta with. And while we spitball alternative names for a shark other than Squirrel (?!?), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be improved by adding two-foot chunks of tuna to ’em…

STARFISH (May 28, 2019)
When a mysterious signal from an unknown dimension summons the end of days, it appears as if only Aubrey is left on earth. Trapped in the apartment of her recently deceased best friend, the only clue she has is a single cassette left behind after her friend’s death, labeled: “THIS MIXTAPE WILL SAVE THE WORLD.” Thrust into a mystery orchestrated by her friend and stricken with grief, Aubrey begins to piece the clues together, uncovering a series of tapes all with pieces of the mystery signal. Along the way, progress is impeded when monstrous creatures begin to overrun the world and enclose in on her. Aubrey is forced to fight off the encroaching creatures and move beyond her own crippling grief in order to find the remaining tapes. But will completing The Signal save the world?”

Wonder if the mixtape has R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of The World” on it? That’d be pretty funny if it did. So Aubrey is the last gal standing, facing off against giant monsters. As apocalyptic scenarios go, that’s not too shabby, even if it does “borrow” from The Last Man On Earth (1964), The Omega Man (1971) and I Am Legend (2007). Lesser so with The Last Woman on Earth (1960), which had two dudes fighting over her and all the shoe stores in the world open 24 hours a day.

HALLOWED GROUND (June 11, 2019)
“A married couple, trying to rebuild their relationship after an affair, travels to a secluded cabin and stumbles into a blood feud between the Native American owners of the property and the neighboring clan, who obsessively guard their land and punish those who trespass on it in terrifying ways.”

About time Native Americans gave the business end of the tomahawk to those Republicans. I bet one of the terrifying ways to punish them would be to put ‘em in a teepee to reflect on their shameful behavior. Probably wouldn’t be able to make sit in a corner because, hey, teepees are round, man. I totally looked it up.

CRAWL (July 12, 2019)
“When a massive hurricane hits her Florida hometown, Haley ignores evacuation orders to search for her missing father. Finding him gravely injured in the crawl space of their family home, the two become trapped by quickly encroaching floodwaters. As time runs out to escape the strengthening storm, Haley and her father discover that the rising water level is the least of their fears.”

Even though it takes the premise of Bait 3D (2012), it’s no spoiler that crocodiles and/or alligators end up in flooded houses and/or condos. The trailer for this one is insane cool, with many hungry reptiles showing up for this buffet, which has a lot of screaming deals. Heh.

DEATHCEMBER (2019)
“Coming soon, the holiday horror anthology Deathcember will open 24 doors to Hell for ‘the ultimate advent horror anthology movie.’ The anthology will feature 24 shorts by 24 directors from around the globe, each one taking a look at the dark side of the festive season. In “A Christmas Miracle,” a grieving mother who suffered a stillbirth is spending Christmas alone, when she is visited by an apparition that promises to bring her child back to life — but at what cost?”

Cool — hope they do a poster for all the segments; I need new wallpaper. Deathcember is even more cool than you think — the film crew was/is made up of almost entirely women. Women can be just as scary as men. Just ask any divorced dude.

Giant Food, Old West Werewolves, That ’80s Critter

In the ensuing rush to cash in on all things Godzilla and his new movie (I seemed to have forgotten the title), now comes the 1961 release of Mothra on Blu-ray™ (July 9, 2019/Mill Creek Entertainment) for the first time in North America. I have the original DVD/VHS/Betamax versions drunk purchased from eBay™/Japan, so a Blu-ray version isn’t gonna have me grabbin’ for my coin purse any time soon.

If you haven’t seen Mothra, the world’s biggest butterfly, here’s the plottage: “Following reports of human life on Infant Island, the supposedly deserted site of atomic bomb tests, an international expedition to the heavily-radiated island discovers a native tribe and tiny twin female fairies called ‘Shobijin’ who guard a sacred egg. The overzealous expedition leader kidnaps the Shobijin to exhibit in a Tokyo stage show but soon they summon their protector, hatching the egg and releasing a giant caterpillar. When Mothra arrives in Japan and finally transforms into the ultimate beast, impervious to modern weapons, the nation and its people face their destruction.”

The first time you see the Mothra egg wash up on the beach, try and guess how many omelets it could make. (I figured it out — it’s one. But you’ll need a frying pan about the size of a football field in which to cook it. And you’re gonna need a LOT of salt and pepper. Silverware? Screw that — just cannonball right into the middle of that gooey sucker!) 

Before we sit down to a Godzilla-sized breakfast, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as cool as a gigantic sacred egg…

HIGH MOON (May 14, 2019)
“Colt — a gunslinging werewolf slayer from the old west — mysteriously rises from the grave, only to find that the band of werewolves that brutally murdered his wife are still running rampant generations later. Aided by a beautiful widow, a skeptical town sheriff  and a corrupt Mayor, Colt must face off with the bloodthirsty creatures once again to save a sleepy southern town from destruction.”

Seems to me they should’ve gone with Wolf Cop to bring these furry fiends to justice. His opening move would be to throw Nair™ in their faces.

CRITTERS ATTACK! (July 23, 2019)
“20-year-old Drea reluctantly takes a job babysitting for a professor of a college she hopes to attend. Struggling to entertain the professor’s children Trissy and Jake, along with her own little brother Phillip, Drea takes them on a hike, unaware that mysterious alien critters have crash-landed and started devouring every living thing they encounter.”

The first Critters movie came out in 1986. And now a sequel that nobody asked for comes out 33 years later (and featuring Dee Wallace who was in the original). Just let it go, man.

A HAUNTING AT SILVER FALLS 2 (2019)
“Several years after a deadly struggle with her serial killer aunt, Jordan, now in college, works to escape her troubled history. But when her aunt’s revenge-seeking specter surfaces to join forces with a deranged convict, Jordan must return to the haunted town of Silver Falls for a final showdown with the ghosts of her past.”

The first one came out in 2013. Didn’t see it. Not sure why. So in this one a ghost teams up with a deranged convict; wonder which one dresses better?

THE CHAIR (2019)
“Richard Sullivan is an innocent man struggling to escape his fate on Death Row. Witnessing the brutal torture and murder of his fellow inmates, will he find a way to survive, or will the insane events of the prison finally consume him? Everything is not what it seems, and sanity is such an easy thing to lose.”

Prison sure sounds a lot more fun than it used to. They serve pretty good mac & cheese…or so I’ve heard. If some guy with a tattoo of a gun on his face wants some of yours, you should probably share.

Bloody Vampires, Bloody Puppets, Bloody Expensive Guitars

With Game of Thrones dominating the non-political headlines, the series final season has people tripping all over themselves to cash in before its relegated to binge-watching re-runs. [Disclaimer: I tried to get into GoT and only made it through the first five episodes. There were so many characters/story lines that clashed with my attention deficit disorder, I’d have needed an abacus to keep track.]

Fender Custom Shop™ is releasing three GoT themed guitars. Even if you don’t play the git-fiddle, these things would make you look awesome just carrying ‘em around, like to the store or while commuting to work on a flying dragon. Here’s the deets:

“As opulent as its namesake — the ambitious house with designs on the Iron Throne — the Sigil Collection Game of Thrones House Lannister Jaguar is an homage to that avaricious clan. This bespoke guitar was painstakingly crafted by Principal Master Builder, Ron Thorn, who called on his extensive experience with materials to work 24k gold leaf into the elegant, sweeping form of the Jaguar. Crafted to order, this guitar could only have come from Westeros — and the Dream Factory, the Fender Custom Shop.”

“Avaricious” is an interesting term to use in a press release. It means “having or showing an extreme greed for wealth or material gain.” Well, heck — it’s like they’re inside my head! Unfortunately, my lack of wealth will keep me from buying one of these guitars, which range in price from $25,000 to $35,000.

If you need something to watch after Game of Thrones concludes, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not have been made for $25,000 to $35,000 smackos…

BLOOD FROM STONE (2019)
“A woman trying to escape the vampire’s grip, and struggles to cope with the vampire curse in a society where old ways refuse to die.”

Why fight it? I’d love to be a vampire. I kinda am already as I suck on long necks. Heh.

THE ROOM (2019)
“Kate and Matt are a young couple in their thirties in search of a more authentic and healthy life. They leave the city to move into an old house in the middle of nowhere. Soon they discover a secret hidden room that has the extraordinary power to materialize anything they wish for. Their new life becomes a true fairytale. They spend days and nights indulging their every desire of material possession, swimming in money and champagne. Yet beneath this apparent state of bliss, something darker lurks: some wishes can have dire consequences. That room could very well turn their dream into a nightmare when it gives them what they’ve been waiting forever and that nature was denying them.”

I liked it better when it was called The Monkey’s Paw.

BLOOD RISE: SUBSPECIES V (February 14, 2020)
Spanning 500 years in the life of the vampire Radu Vladislas, this long-anticipated prequel to the Subspecies series chronicles Radu’s descent from a noble warrior for the Church to a depraved creature of the night. Stolen by crusaders on the night of his birth, he has no knowledge of his bloodline: his mother a demon; father a vampire. Trained and exploited by a brotherhood of mystic monks to slay all enemies of the Church, fate brings him back one night to the castle of his father, armed with the monster-slaying Sword of Laertes, to destroy the vampire Vladislas and reclaim a holy relic: the Bloodstone. The events of that night turn Radu from a noble man into a vampire with no master, setting him on a centuries-long quest for sustenance, for companionship, for the treacherous one who stole him from the sun, and for the Bloodstone he hopes will bring him peace.

Even as uneven as the Subspecies movies (four flicks, 1991 — 1998) have been, it’s nice to see Radu back in action and licking the Bloodstone like it was a bleeding ice cream cone. After all these years, though, he’s looking a bit long in the tooth. Ahem.

BLADE: THE IRON CROSS (February 14, 2020)
“Charles Band’s Puppet Master series continues as an unspeakable evil from Blade’s past emerges in the form of a murderous Nazi scientist named Dr. Hauser. As Hauser’s heinous crimes are discovered, the psychic war journalist, Elisa Ivanov, awakens Blade, and together the bloody journey of revenge begins. It’s Herr Hauser’s reanimated undead army versus a possessed doll and a beautiful vengeance-seeking clairvoyant.”

This will be the 15th (!) installment in the Puppet Master film series, which began in 1989. That’s one helluva puppet show. For a really fun killer puppet movie, try Trilogy of Terror (1975), featuring the legendary (and toothy) Zuni fetish doll. That thing caused me to bespoil my trousers back in the day. The cleverly named sequel, Trilogy of Terror II, was released in 1996. I chose to not watch it as getting stains out of britches is not as easy as Oxi Clean™ Refreshing Lavender & Lily Liquid Laundry Detergent claims it is.

Nightmare Travel Host, Evil Easter, Heartless Operation

Freddy Krueger on The Travel Channel™? Book me a seat! Actually, it’s Freddy Krueger actor, Robert Englund. But Clark Kent is still Superman, no matter if he’s wearin’ the cape or not.

Shadows of History, the six episode series, premiers sometime in 2019, which, unless you frequently time-travel, is this year. From the press release: “In each episode, the Nightmare on Elm Street star will track down the story behind a bizarre or mysterious account printed in an American newspaper in the past. He will enlist historians and scholars to get to the truth behind the reports.” You can hear Englund in his best Freddy voice intro each show — “I’m your travel agent now!”

While we wait for Robert Englund to appear on Expedia.com commercials, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as terrifying as The Travel Channel™…

MADE ME DO IT (April 12, 2019)
“After a lifetime of abuse and rejection, a man finds unconditional love when he dons a mask called Barbara. But Barbara has an all-consuming taste for murder, as a college student and her little brother are about to discover.”

Most lonely guys would find unconditional love with an inflatable sex doll. Doesn’t seem like a mask would fulfill all his…needs. Whatever — love the one your with.

CHAMBERS (April 26, 2019/Netflix™)
“Nancy is the mother of the heart donor who forges a hesitant relationship with the young recipient only to find out her daughter may not be as dead as she thought.”

That’s pretty heartless. Okay, that came out wrong. So am I reading into this correctly — mom gave away her daughter’s heart before said daughter was done using it? She could get cardiac arrested for that. C’mon, that was funny. Geez…

ROTTENTAIL (April 12, 2019 |Theatrical | April 26, 2019 | DVD)
“Adapted from the graphic novel, Rottentail is the story of geeky fertility researcher Peter Cotton who, when bitten by a mutant rabbit, transforms into a vengeance-seeking half-man/half-bunny. What’s a boy to do? Why, take a hippity, hoppity trip home of course! Peter begins a bloody killing spree that culminates in his childhood hometown of Easter Falls.”

There have been an overflowing basket full of horror Easter movies (including the documentaries) before this one: Easter Bunny Bloodbath (2004), Kottentails (2004), Peter Rottentail (2004), Serial Rabbit (2005), Easter Bunny Kill Kill (2006), Serial Rabbit 3: Splitting Hares (2009), Bunnyman (2011), Easter Casket (2013), Easter Sunday (2014), Beasterday: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell (2014), Serial Rabbit V: The Epic Hunt (2017), and Bunnyman Vengeance (2017). There’s probably more, but you’ll have to…hunt…for them. Heh.

ACHOURA (2019)
“Four kids have fun at frightening one another and decide to go explore a condemned and probably haunted house. One of them disappears in mysterious circumstances. The three survivors try to forget, until Samir reappears 25 years later. The group will eventually have to confront the past.”

I didn’t know what Achoura was, so I clicked it up. It’s a Moroccan religious celebration where children splash water on each other. Way to ruin playtime in a backyard pool with religion, Morocco. 

Choke On The Water

In the bereft-of-thrills Japanese horror movie Lake of Dracula (1971), five-year-old Akiko has bigger problems than her unruly dog who breaks from a walk on the beach and ends up in a European (?) mansion where a vampire lives. This mansion sucker is tall, Assembly line haircut and glowing yellow eyes, which look more orange than yellow. Either way, he better see a doctor about that.

Eighteen years later, Akiko, ho now lives by a lake instead of the ocean (fewer crabs, more mosquitos), keeps having dreams of that vampire who scared the yellow out of her. Her nightmares have just come to fruition after a local boat operator/lake janitor receives a shipment from an unknown sender — it’s a coffin. He opens it and the womb of doom is empty. Even Amazon Prime™ wouldn’t allow returns of this nature. Then, shockingly predictable, the boat guy is attacked and sucked by the SAME VAMPIRE Akikio encountered all those years ago. And his haircut is UNCHANGED.

It doesn’t take long for more people (and dogs) to turn up freshness-expired. Akiko’s boyfriend is a doctor and even he can’t explain the two small holes in people’s necks, though he’ll still bill you for looking at ‘em. One of the victims is Natsuko, Akiko’s perky pretty sister. So bouncy is this cutie, I’m kinda surprised Natsuko didn’t pop like a balloon when the vampire made with the chomp.In a slow burn towards a thankful ending, Natsuko comes back from the dead, Akiko gets gooned out even more, and the vampire’s origins are revealed. Turns out he’s a descendant of (gasp!) Count Dracula. A yawn-inspiring confrontation on a balcony ends with the vampire falling overboard and landing on a protruding steel spike. Looked worse than it probably felt.

If the above hasn’t turned you off to bloodless vampire movies, Lake of Dracula is part of The Bloodthirsty Trilogy, which included The Vampire Doll (1970) and Evil of Dracula (1974). They may or may not make your eyes glow.

Death Balls, Dolled Up Horror, Supervillain Rebirth

Of all the horror movie collectibles out there, you be hard pressed to find something as cool as the full-scale replica of the Phantasm flying death spheres. And here’s the even cooler part — the spheres come as part of the brand new Phantasm Limited Collector’s Edition Blu-ray set of the complete film series. I already have the moves, but no flying death spheres. Time to dip into the retirement fund YET AGAIN.

Due out Halloween of 2019, the Phantasm Sphere Collection will be pumped up with new extras and a “be a meticulous 4K restoration of 1988’s Phantasm II.” But wait, there’s more: the set will also come with a new documentary on the making of Phantasm: Ravager (2016). I just re-booted in my pants.

Don’t know how much it’ll cost, nor do I care. One should never have to go through life without a flying death sphere. While we all wait to quit pee shivering, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not stick in your head like a flying death sphere…

THRILLER (April 14, 2019/Netflix™)
“Years after a childhood prank goes horribly wrong, a clique of South Central LA teens find themselves terrorized during Homecoming Weekend by a killer hell-bent on revenge.”

Cool: All African-American cast. Not cool: The seriously cliched and worn out plot/title.

BRAHMS: THE BOY II (July 26, 2019)
“A young family, unaware of the terrifying history of the estate into which they move, their young son soon makes an unsettling new friend, an eerily life-like doll he calls Brahms.”

The sequel to the not-too-shabby The Boy (2016). Was hesitant to watch another “possessed doll” movie, but it had a nice, nasty twist as well as the staggeringly gorgeous Lauren Cohan (Maggie, The Walking Dead) in it. Now there’s a doll I’d like to possess.

JOKER (October 4, 2019)
“In 1981, a failed stand-up comedian, disregarded by his society, turns to a life of crime and chaos in Gotham City, slowly rising up to become a frightening legend.”

A new spin on Batman’s bestie forever foe. And judging by the trailer, it’s gonna be awesomely awesome. Note to Batman: run.