Archive for paranormal

Summer Sharks, Shape-Shifters, Soul-Suckers

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Meg

A few more key art pieces for the upcoming (August 10, 2018) gigantic shark movie, The Meg. I guess all my hopes and dreams of being depicted alongside (but not inside) the Megalodon as frameable art have been swallowed up whole.

The Meg

Only other thing new I’ve been able to find out about this pee-shivering-with-excitement film is that the Meg is 75-feet long. By comparison, a school bus full of tweens is only 45-feet long. Guess which one can stay underwater longer?

While I continue to countdown the days for The Meg to chew up the big screen with big screams, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as horrifying as riding in a bus full of tweens…

Lifechanger

LIFECHANGER (2018)
“A murderous shape-shifter is on a blood-soaked mission to make things right with the woman he loves.”

You’d think being a shape-shifter would open up endless opportunities for “love”, so I guess this guy is a romantic wuss under all that murderousness.

Heretiks

HERETIKS (2018/2019)
“In the early 17th Century, innocent young Persephone is falsely accused and put on trial for her life. Her fate seems sealed except for the timely intervention of the mysterious Reverend Mother offering her not just sanctuary, but hope. For the Reverend Mother is the self-appointed leader of a small religious retreat, a secluded Priory, where her fellow Sisters devote their lives to the Lord and seek atonement for their pasts. But upon arrival, Persephone is plagued with terrifying visions and soon realizes that it’s not salvation that awaits but a battle for her very soul itself.”

Heretiks aren’t the only things that float like a log. (You got the double reference, yes?)

Terrified

TERRIFIED (aka, Aterradoes/2018/2019)
“When strange events occur in a neighborhood in Buenos Aires, a doctor specializing in the paranormal, her colleague, and an ex-police officer decide to investigate further.”

Buenos Aires liberally translates as “fair winds” or “good airs”. That means the occurring “strange events” must be the opposite of that. Logically, it assumes somebody’s passing some sort of evil wind/air. Definitely they should investigate — can’t have this kind of behavior stinkin’ up the capital of Argentina.

Glass

GLASS (January 19, 2019)
Following the conclusion of Split, Glass finds Dunn pursuing Crumb’s superhuman figure of The Beast in a series of escalating encounters, while the shadowy presence of Price emerges as an orchestrator who holds secrets critical to both men.”

Didn’t see Split, so I have no idea what they’re talking about. I’m the same with politics, religion and romantic comedies.

Midwest Ghosts

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sightings: Heartland Ghost

Sightings: Heartland Ghost (2002) is based on an actual incident on one of those super dumb ghosthunter shows: A young married couple with a kid move into a dilapidated many-roomed estate in Kansas with the intention to fix it and flip it for profitable gain. But the place is plagued by a ghost that keeps moving their young son’s toys around. Good — everyone keeps tripping over ‘em.

Sightings: Heartland Ghost

Freaked out, the wife calls Sightings, a paranormal TV show, to videotape their toys being moved around. A medium shows up to give the show some authenticity, representing real-life polter-guy, Peter James, whose mustache is so outlandishly otherworldly, ghosts are actually drawn to it.

Peter James

He says there is the spirit of a six-year-old girl in the house and that she’s wearing clothes not from Sears™ or J.C. Penney’s™, but rather from an earlier century clothing store (probably Really Old Navy™). But there’s a mean ghost in the house, too, and its making scratch marks on dad.

Sightings: Heartland Ghost

As the tedious story unfolds, the house owner’s black slave underwear model knocked up his wife. He kills everyone, even his little girl, thinking she did not spring from his loins as previously thought. That’s pretty much it.

Sightings: Heartland Ghost

As ghost stories go, this — without hyperbole — is one of the worst in the history of the world. The special effects don’t even try to be special, and there’s no build-up of suspense or ectoplasm on kitchen counter tops. The female ghost tries to give hubby a reach-around and leaves a hand print on his thigh. (That’s nothing — I leave hand prints on my thighs all the time. Kinda fun, too.) No ghosts, no action, no way. I could grow a haunted mustache and be scarier than this movie.

Superhero Cheese, Sober Psychotics, Demonic Stuff

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Venom Cheese

As first reported by Bloody-Disgusting.com, the next time your in Jakarta, Indonesia, make sure the black goo covering your steak/burger/fries is the new Venom Cheese and not something that came out of a septic tank and/or a squatting stray animal out back.

Venom Cheese

Yep, Willie Brothers Steak & Cheese Restaurant (who the heck puts melted cheese instead of ketchup on steaks?) is paying homage to the upcoming Venom movie by making gooey black cheese to garnish their menu items. The black cheese is made of standardized mozzarella mixed with processed activated charcoal. To that I say double ick.

While you go brush your teeth because you just threw up a little, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not leave a black ring around your mouth…

The Mimic

THE MIMIC (June 12, 2018)
“The mother of a missing child takes in a lost girl she finds in the woods and soon begins to wonder if she is even human.”

This one came out in South Korea in August of 2017. I don’t remember that year on that old calendar I found out by the 7-Eleven™ dumpster. It is my fondest wish and dreams that you don’t confuse this Mimic with the same-titled sci-fi flick that came out in 1997. I don’t recall seeing that year on my FREE dumpster calendar as well. That said, I wish I was a mimic. Instead of turning from a creature into a human (already done that), or a creature that can turn into other creatures (done that, too), I’d totally try and get a job as an entertaining mime downtown in order to earn bus fare and/or a new calendar.

The Lighthouse

THE LIGHTHOUSE (July 6, 2018)
“Two men are trapped in an isolated lighthouse, surrounded by the deadly Irish sea, with both their minds ultimately pushed to the limits.”

Water, water everywhere, but not a drop of booze to drink. No wonder they’re being pushed to the limits. I guess rowing to the liquor store never crossed their damaged minds.

Darkness Reigns

DARKNESS REIGNS (July 10, 2018)
“A group of filmmakers shooting a movie in a reportedly haunted hotel are faced with an unfathomable demonic force that possesses and attacks both the crew and the film’s star. Will the film’s director be able to escape with the paranormal proof he has captured, or will he succumb to the hellish plans of the demon who has surfaced?”

Too bad they weren’t filming this in the haunted Overlook Hotel. Then they could call it, I don’t know, The Shining, or something along those lines, and post it on YouTube™ and get lots and lots of likes. Not for the generic title, though.

Extremity

EXTREMITY (2018)
Alison Bell is an emotionally troubled young woman who was once sexually assault by her father. Believing that confronting her trauma might be a means of exorcising her pain, she signs up for a trip to The Manor, in which the only certainty is the promised experience of absolute, unadulterated terror. But the most purely frightening thing on display at The Manor is Allison’s own twisted psyche.

This one sounds f’d up just from the press release. Couldn’t they find another way of making Alison traumatized, like taking away her cell phone for a week or telling her you can’t afford to get her tickets to P!nk, even though you have the money stashed away for far more important things, like binge drinking?

Venomous Coffee, Demon Soul-Sucker, Biker Biters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 28, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Moldy Mugs

What instead of you drinking coffee or discount vodka from your favorite mug, the mug drinks from you? That’s the genius behind Moldy Mugs, a series of handcrafted and expertly designed (by Joe Rowles) horror drinking cups (ranging from 12 oz. to 17 oz.).

While these mugs carry a hefty price ($90.00 for a the 12 oz. version), how flippin’ cool would it be to wrap your coffee/discount vodka sucking mouth hole around one of these magnificent hand-washable art pieces?

Moldy Mugs

While you FINISH READING this blog, click HERE to visit Moldy Mugs — featuring their new Venom™ entry — and get ready to have the life sucked out of you for a change. In the meantime, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not transport you the way discount vodka never fails to do…

Another Soul

ANOTHER SOUL (available now)
Megan cannot stop the nightmares. Her parents, Rob and Susan, are at their wit’s end. When a couple suggest Megan’s soul may be the target of a soul-hungry demon, the family find themselves in a battle for Megan’s life.”

Megan rhymes with Regan, another young girl the target of an evil entity about 45 years ago. So would this be a rip-off 1973’s The Exorcist, but with higher-def projectile vomiting? Of the 23 possible answers, The Magic 8-Ball™ says, “Signs point to yes.”

Down A Dark Hall

DOWN A DARK HALL (August 17, 2018)
Kit, a difficult young girl, is sent to the mysterious Blackwood Boarding School run by eccentric headmistress Madame Duret. While exploring the labyrinthine corridors of the school, Kit and her classmates discover that Blackwood Manor hides an age-old secret rooted in the paranormal.”

I liked it better when it was called Suspiria (Italy, 1977).

Howlers

HOWLERS (2018)
“A mysterious monster hunter from the Old West who returns from the grave to stop a bloodthirsty werewolf motorcycle gang from terrorizing a small town.”

Not a new concept. Anyone remember the cult schlock classic Werewolves on Wheels (1971)? If you don’t, your mom does.

West of Hell

WEST OF HELL (2018)
“A gunslinger and a vengeful ex-slave board a midnight train to Atlanta. They discover that the train is haunted by a sinister force…and may not be headed to Atlanta after all.”

Yep, they got on the train to New Jersey by accident.

A Ghost You Can’t See

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Dead Room

In the 2015 scare-deficient The Dead Room, three paranormal researchers go into a run down house in the woods that a family fled after being spooked out of their lease by something invisible and angry. Think Casper the Unfriendly Ghost. An insurance company hired them to prove/disprove the place is haunted. It is. Claim settled.

The Dead Room

The team is made up of Holly, a young Goth-y girl who is a psychic, Liam, the guy who knows how to run all the cameras/gear by plugging the right chords into the right holes, and the older man, Scott, is an outright skeptic. Once geared up, they wait for the ghost to make spooky stuff happen. It takes a while, but soon the unseeable entity starts throwing furniture around like it was being yanked by fishing line. Then anything sharp gets hucked right at soft and splittable heads.

The Dead Room

After much door slamming, windows breaking, books unshelving themselves and indoor wind, the crew abandons their paid gig and packs their cameras to leave. It’s here they see smoke-like smoke coming from behind a wall. Doesn’t smell like burning, so clearly there’s a ghost in the walls. Time for some sledgehammer action.

The Dead Room

After breaking through the sheetrock, they discover a room with a ladder leading down into a hole. Well heck, who wouldn’t want to go down there? I’m surprised there wasn’t a pushing contest to see who got to go first. Once in the “basement”, they find a mummified corpse of an old woman chained to a chair. She looks like she hasn’t washed her hair for decades. Ick.

The Dead Room

And it’s here the team figures out the secret behind the hauntings. Unfortunately, their revelation came a few beats too late and the ghost you never get to see evicts all of them — permanently. If this sounds familiar, it’s because they took giant ice cream scoops of The Legend of Hell House (1973) and slapped a dumb title on it.

Ghost Channel

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dead Waves

As producer of Spirit Sightings, a TV show in Japan that documents the paranormal, Hiroshi Usui needs ratings if he’s to ever to get a shot at Ringu, Part 8.

Dead Waves

Taking his camera crew and an exorcist he found in the phone book to a house where a young girl is reputedly possessed by something more nasty than shrimp cakes, the ritual goes oops and actually opens the spiritual screen door wider for naked, Goth-faced evil to crawl on stomachs through.

Dead Waves

And it just so happens, as a doctor points out, the airing of the TV show causes the already high suicide rate to spike during that time slot. he blames it on “dead waves,” a way for evil to broadcast itself onto your television. The subliminal influence makes people jump out windows and slash their own throats — and that’s just the commercials.

Dead Waves

But in the end, Dead Waves (2005) is just more slow-paced J-horror crud, with no thrills, chills or eating of brains. And the evil entities? I’ve seen scarier people in fetish clubs. Turn off the TV or jump out a window (okay, don’t do that) — just don’t squander your time on this squanderance of time.

Cash For Monsters, Paranormal TV, Legal Killers

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bigfoot

Here’s a slick piece of marketing — Capcom™, maker of video games — has created a promotion around Monster Hunter: World, which has already sold over 5 million copies. Teaming with The Centre of Fortean Zoology founder Jonathan Downes, Capcom™ is offering £50,000 ($70,000 USD) “to anyone who can provide conclusive evidence of one of 10 real-life monsters”.

Owlman

Fellas, get out your checkbook — of the 10 monsters, I have proof of 11. (I put Bigfoot on there twice, because he’s twice as cool as any other cryptid.) If you wanna get in on this paranormal payday action, here’s the list of Capcom’s™ Most Wanted…

• Bigfoot

• The Loch Ness Monster

• Mongolian Death Worm

• Mermaid

• Earth Hound

• The Yeti/Almasty

• Chupacabra

• The Flying Snake of Namibia

• Yowie

• Cornish Owlman

In their press release, Capcom™ says before they cough up the coin, you must provide proof of one of these monsters by June 20, 2018 in order to clock some dollaz. (After receiving the evidence, Downes and his team will analyze it, and any hunter who provides definite proof will be awarded the prize, with multiple winners splitting the pot.)

Mongolian Death Worm

Just so you know, I’m not splitting my winnings with anyone. My bar tab ain’t gonna pay for itself. (Hint: In bars is where I found most of the monsters. But look in Taco Bell™ restroom toilets for Mongolian Death Worms.)

While you get an expedition together, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth hunting down…

Red Eye

RED EYE (February 9, 2018)
Gage Barker, a young man who grew up on the tales of Red Eye as a kid, learns that there could be some truth behind these folk tales. This myth covers a violent, deranged masked murderer, who dwells in the backwoods of Black Creek, West Virginia. With a group of his friends and his camera equipment in tow, they hike into the woods to seek him out or to prove that he is nothing more than a myth.”

Violent deranged masked murderer. Four words that go together as seamlessly as “super fun happy slide.” As for the friends going into the woods to look for Red Eye (he has a conjunctivitis prone sister — Pink Eye), I call dibs on anything cool you might own.

Unsane

UNSANE (March 23, 2018)
“A young woman is involuntarily committed to a mental institution. She is then confronted by her greatest fear…but is it real or is it a product of her delusion?”

Word around the produce aisle is that this movie was shot entirely on an iPhone™. Pfffft — anyone can do that because everybody in the freaking grocery store has an iPhone™. Want to really make an impression? Trying filming a horror movie using only two empty cans of Del MonteCreamed Corn™ tethered by a long piece of wax string. All bars in all places.

The First Purge

THE FIRST PURGE (July 4, 2018)
“Behind every tradition lies a revolution. Next Independence Day, witness the rise of our country’s 12 hours of annual lawlessness. Welcome to the movement that began as a simple experiment: The First Purge. To push the crime rate below one percent for the rest of the year, the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) test a sociological theory that vents aggression for one night in one isolated community. But when the violence of oppressors meets the rage of the marginalized, the contagion will explode from the trial-city borders and spread across the nation.”

Thanks to the current political climate, this prequel makes perfect sense. But they’re overlooking the irony; the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) are the ones creating the public’s aggressive behavior. Why else would the clearly Republican paperboy flip me off every day? (Okay, I may have started it. But he should be the bigger person here, the punk.)

Our House

OUR HOUSE (2018)
“A young genius accidentally invents a device that amplifies the paranormal activity within his family’s house, possibly bringing back the spirits of loved ones, and unleashing things far worse.”

Uh, no — the “young genius” didn’t invent a paranormal activating amplification device. It’s already been around for multiple decades — and it’s called a “TV”. While mine doesn’t bring back spirits of dead people, if you get the expanded programming package, you can unleash all kinds of things, far worse and beyond.