Archive for Michael Myers

Creepy Reboot, Ghost Advice, $100 Dementia

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Creepshow

So a rebooting of 1982’s Creepshow series is coming to the paid subscription horror movie channel, Shudder™ in 2019. Because Hollywood rarely tries to come up with original horror movie ideas anymore, we can expect still more of horror’s legacy being tapped to keep the money faucets flowing.

Creepshow

As reboots generally suck bag (how many times do we have to keep re-painting the Mona Lisa?), Creepshow, thankfully, is being executive-produced by The Walking Dead’s Greg Nicotero, whose KNB EFX Group will design the show’s monster and makeup effects. That does not suck or blow.

Creepshow

A multi-episode series, for those not old enough to know where Creepshow came from, it was an homage to the horror comics of the ‘50s and later adapted to movie form. Horror patriarch Stephen King wrote several installments (and starred in one), and Night of the Living Dead’s George A. Romero directed. In keeping with the spirit of the original, each episode will tell original stories and directed by a different filmmaker. One kitchen, lots of cooks.

Creepshow

So while we wait to see the inside of our TV screens splattered with digital blood, guts and probably black stuff, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not suck bag…

Clara's Ghost

CLARA’S GHOST (December 6, 2018)
“Set over the course of a single evening in the Reynolds family home in suburban Connecticut, Clara Reynolds who, fed up with constant ribbing from her self-absorbed showbiz family, finds solace in and guidance from the supernatural force she believes is haunting her.”

Dementia II

That’s pretty funny — getting life coaching advice from a ghost. That’s like getting swimming lessons from Jaws or electrical wiring instructions from Dr. Frankenstein or trick-or-treating strategies from Michael Myers or… I could do this all day.

DEMENTIA PART II (2018)
Mercer — an ex-convict who has become a small-jobs repairman — ends up in a house with a frightening old woman with dementia. The nightmare escalates as the woman shoves $100 bills in Mercer’s pocket, stringing him along for the revolting ride.”

Revolting ride or not, if someone stuffs $100 bills in my pocket, I’d happily get in the nondescript van that’s no doubt loaded with candy.

The Umbrella Academy

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY (February 15, 2019)
“This live-action series follows the estranged members of a dysfunctional family of superheroes (The Umbrella Academy) — Luther, Diego, Allison, Vanya, Klaus and Number Five — as they work together to solve their father Reginald Hardgraves’ mysterious death, while coming apart at the seams due to their divergent personalities and abilities.”

This one’s adapted from a graphic novel series. The graphic novel evolved from comic books. And comic books were the smart tablets of their day. They were solar-powered so you never had to worry about where to plug ‘em in.

Hellboy

HELLBOY (April 12, 2019)
Hellboy and his ragtag team of paranormal researchers squaring off against a medieval sorceress who seeks to destroy humankind.”

Already tagged this, but hey…new poster! That’s gotta count for something. Hopefully, it’ll be successful enough to have spin-offs, like HellMom or HellDude.

It’s A Wonderful Knife

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Halloween II

Halloween II (2009), picking up exactly where 2007’s Halloween remake left off, it is assumed the unspeaking/unstoppable Michael Myers has been “killed” by career babysitter Laurie Strode by means of some sort of bullet.

Halloween 2

After that complimentary ambulance ride to the morgue came to an abrupt cow-splattering halt, Michael’s body was never recovered. But that doesn’t stop Dr. Loomis from doing a Dr. Phil and going for all the glory-hogging during a book-signing tour about his most famous patient, whom he insists is dead. Michael’s still alive and sequestered in the woods for the last year, keeping a journal of his thoughts and eating… Let’s just say Michael’s not a vegan.

Halloween II

Laurie now lives with Sheriff Brackett and his same-age-as Laurie daughter, Annie. Laurie’s been having reoccurring acute nightmares as a direct result of her traumatic experiences with Michael trying to kill her face off. She takes pills, goes to therapy and screams ALL THE TIME.Halloween II

Michael is having a few dreams of his own, that of his dead mother (Sheri Moon Zombie) dressed in white, accompanied by a large white horse. You don’t have to be a therapist to figure out that action. Mommy wants to get the family back together, so Michael goes returns to Haddonfield to round up Laurie, whether she comes kicking and screaming or not.

Halloween II

Along the way, some particularly brutal, up-close-and-personal flesh ventilating, complimentary of Michael’s handy cutlery skills. Then there’s dog-eating. And redneck crunching. And ambulance driver squishing. And head-stomping. And stripper bashing. The body count is as high as my IQ.

Halloween II

Michael makes it to Haddonfield just in time for the family reunion, which just happens to be on Halloween. (So that’s why they named the movie Halloween.) Laurie reads Loomis’ book and discovers she’s Michael’s sister, Angel. (That’s not a plot spoiler, dang it — if you’ve seen any of the original Halloween movies you already knew this. If you didn’t, well, sorry.)

Halloween II

Some may argue Halloween II is nothing more than a snuff film with no discernible plot, or the way Michael stomps his carbon footprint all over the human ecosystem. But isn’t that the premise of all the Halloween movies (except Halloween III: Season of the Witch/1982)? As for me, I enjoyed the Haddonfield out of it.

Babysitter Stalkers, Evil Drugs, Multi-Dimensional Monsters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Halloween

Cool new key art for the pee-shivering anticipation of Halloween (October 19, 2018), starring original wallflower babysitter/knife rack, Laurie Strode (aka, Jamie Lee Curtis). Here’s the plot again in case you didn’t read my previous post about this iconic sorta remake: “Laurie, who comes to her final confrontation with Michael Myers, the masked figure who has haunted her since she narrowly escaped his killing spree on Halloween night four decades ago.”

Halloween

I can read the Little Nickel want ads that is your brain: Wasn’t Curtis’ character killed in half in 2002’s Halloween: Resurrection? You’d be correct enough to be right. But word around the cutlery aisle in Sur La Table™ is that, just like my written applications to NASA for a managerial position in their UFO division, the new Halloween is IGNORING all the sequels and just running with a new plot. I haven’t processed my feelings about this yet.

While I consult my life coach (the guy who runs a hot dog cart down the street), here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of a Little Nickel review…

Evil Bong 777

EVIL BONG 777 (available now)
“Our scowling weed-spewing Eebee is out of ‘Sexy Hell’ and heading to Sin City with danger on her tail! She’s joined by her whack pack of fabulous freaks: Faux Batty, Rabbit, Misty and The Gingerweed Man.”

I didn’t understand a word of what they said. I’m assuming this is the sequel to Evil Bong 666 (2016). All told, I believe there are seven films in this pot-headed franchise. Not sure as I haven’t seen any of ‘em as I’ve been busy watching paint dry. It all began with Evil Bong in 2006 and the premise of “a group of college stoners who smoke a bong are unaware that the bong transports the smoker into a surreal world where strippers with sharp teeth-like bras attack them.” Sounds like a night out at The Tug Tavern.

The Rake

THE RAKE (June 5, 2018)
“At a young age, Ashley and Ben witnessed the brutal murder of their parents. Years later, Ashley is still convinced it wasn’t someone, but something that killed her parents and now she’s tormented by the thought of The Rake returning for her and her family. Is Ashley traumatized, or is the creature inside her real?”

The Rake as kind of a dumb name. Might I suggest Blackened Decker, Pitch Forky or The Bowel Trowel?

Braid

BRAID (2018)
Petula Thames and Tilda Darlings are two self-proclaimed artists-turned-drug dealers on the run. After mishandling thousands of dollars in narcotics, the girls are given forty-eight hours to repay their vengeful drug lord. Fleeing town, they head to the desolate mansion of wealthy childhood friend, Daphne Peters, with their sights set on house’s safe. Daphne, living secluded in the manor, has grown into a dangerous schizophrenic and prisoner of the fantasy world the three created as children. To abscond with her money, the girls are forced to take part in Daphne’s twisted, bloody game of make-believe, a demented maze of hallucinations, role play, torture…and murder.”

Don’t do drugs. Or sell them for profits, which can be exchanged for a wide variety of goods and services, some of which can be purchased in PRISON.

The Axiom

THE AXIOM (2018)
“At the risk of her group’s safety, a young woman travels into a National Forest where her sister has become trapped in a multi-dimensional world of monsters.”

PffftNation Forest my pants  — she walked into The Tug Tavern.

Zombie Cartoons, Undead Dinosaurs, All Purpose Evil

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Michael and Jason

From artist Joe Gallimore comes a wicked cool mash-up with Michael Myers from Halloween (1978) and the infamous Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) key art, which was actually banned back in the day by the New York City Tourism committee. (All Republicans, no doubt.)

While we still wait for the New York City Tourism committee to pull their heads out of their Port Authority, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not get banned…

Zombiology

ZOMBIOLOGY (available now)
“When a monster from a popular animated show appears and starts a zombie outbreak, it’s up to eccentric duo Lung and Chi-Yeung to stand up and fight the horde of the recently deceased, and save their friends from all around chaos!”

I wish more cartoon characters would come to life and cause chaos. Just think of what Scooby Doo could do to/on your lawn.

The Incantation

THE INCANTATION (available now)
“A young American girl has a chance of a lifetime to visit her ancestors castle in the south of France, only to find that her family is hiding deep, dark secrets about their nefarious past, far away from prying eyes.”

YET ANOTHER family with deep, dark secrets. Got me thinking about my own family and what secrets THEY might be hiding. Time to kick down the door of the ‘ol ancestral outhouse and see if there’s a nefarious stuff laying around.

The Jurassic Dead

THE JURASSIC DEAD (Summer, 2018)
“A unit of mercenaries must team up with a group of tech-geek students after American is struck with an EMP attack. Deep in the desert, they find the source of the terror, a mad scientist who has also just created a living dead T-Rex dinosaur, one who turns everyone it attacks into a zombie. Now they must scramble to stay alive and save the planet from the ultimate undead predator.”

Hate to whiz in your punchbowl, but there was a zombie dinosaur movie before this: Z-Rex: The Jurassic Dead (2016). Maybe they know each other or are cousins on their mother’s side. Or it could be a simple case of plagiarism. Best to consult the family paleontologist.

Tormented

TORMENTED (2018)
“A tragic car accident leads a family into a nightmare of supernatural terror as an ancient evil haunts their dreams.”

Supernatural terror and ancient evil go hand in hand, like peanut butter and Cheetos™. What, you’ve never tried peanut butter on Cheetos™? Like supernatural terror and ancient evil, they’re to die for.

Illustrative UFOs, Recording Nightmares, Mobster Monsters

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 5, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

UFO Drawings From The National Archives

If you like books with pictures, then put UFO Drawings from the National Archives by author David Clarke on your f*cket list. Arriving February 27, 2018 (for a mere $25.00 hardcover on Amazon.com), UFO Drawings sky is loaded with hand-illustrated recreations of UFO sightings by real people who experienced them, many who have little to no artistic abilities/credibilities.

UFO Drawings From The National Archives

The book’s plaintive press release spins it like saucer: “Originally set up after a request from Winston Churchill, the Ministry of Defense’s UFO Desk ran for over 60 years, collating mysterious sightings and records of strange objects in the sky from observant, and sometimes imaginative, members of the public. As well as letters and official reports, the UFO files contain photographs, drawings and even paintings of these curious sightings.”

UFO Drawings From The National Archives

David Clarke has selected examples from The National Archives to present a history of British UFO art and the remarkable stories behind these images, including an alien craft on the A1, flying saucers over Hampstead, and a spaceship landing at a primary school in Macclesfield.”

Chicken in a Flying Saucer

The only things I can draw are curtains, bathwater and flies. Old joke, but dang, gold is gold. I could probably sketch a UFO, but would have to see one first as a point of reference. Sure, I’ve seen plenty of flying saucers. But to witness an actual unidentified flying object would be to live the dream.

While I throw YET ANOTHER bit coin into the clearly malfunctioning wishing well, here are a few just released and/or coming soon horror/sci-fi drama thrillers (i.e., made for TV) movies to illustrate the genre…

Scareycrows

SCAREYCROWS (available now)
“A trainee hairdresser discovers her boyfriend is keeping a dark secret. Soon her world crashes around her as the quiet seaside town where she was born is overrun by homicidal scareycrows.”

Scareycrows. That’s right up there with Mikey Myers and Badabdooky. What’s next — King Kongster?

Skybound

SKYBOUND (November 7, 2017/VOD)
“Five plane passengers are unable to land after a mysterious disaster happens on the ground, but they may be in worse danger than they thought when a stowaway is discovered on board carrying a dangerous secret.”

Yeesh – that’s enough to make a stewardess do some involuntary crop-dusting (Farting silently up and down the plane’s aisle.) I’m a fan of aircraft disaster movies (examples: The Horror at 37,000 Feet/1973, Flight of the Living Dead/2007, Altitude (2007), and don’t have a fear of flying. But I do have a fear of not flying.

InControl

INCONTROL (2018)
“A group of university students discover a device that allows them to take control of others and experience the world through someone else’s body. As they push the machine’s abilities to its limits, they don’t realize their own lives have been manipulated, and they descend into a nightmare with no return.”

Was this not the framework of 1995’s Strange Days and even 1984’s Dreamscape? In that one, it was all fun and games when someone recorded having themselves having sex and shared it with others. But when they put the recording device on a monkey’s head, things went doo-flinging crazy. For me, though, it was just another day.

Made Vicious

MADE VICIOUS (2018)
“Jim is a widower trying to raise his daughter while keeping the peace in a small town. While dealing with his debt to Victor, a mobster, a monster is awakened and begins to wreak havoc.”

Seems like they’re trying to cram too much into the plot here. I can help — “a monster is awakened and begins to wreak havoc.” Don’t bore us, get to the chorus.

40 Year-Old Horror, Literary Madman, Male Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Halloween

Every since it was announced Jamie Lee Curtis was returning to reprise her role as Laurie Strode in Halloween (first released in 1978), fans have been clamoring in their pants. So much so, fan art for the as yet untitled Halloween sequel (scheduled for October 18, 2018), has been popping up like seasonal measles all over the Internet, the one featured here being one of the better examples. (Don’t know who to credit as they didn’t put their secret identity on it.)

Halloween

Until the REAL title is announced, we’ll just have to be happy with the official plot: “Laurie Strode comes to her final confrontation with Michael Myers, the masked figure who has haunted her since she narrowly escaped his killing spree on Halloween night four decades ago.”

Meanwhile, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that hopefully won’t make you wait 40 years for the sequel…

Edgar Allen Poe: Buried Alive

EDGAR ALLEN POE: BURIED ALIVE (October 30, 2017/PBS)
Edgar Allan Poe: Buried Alive draws on the rich palette of Poe’s evocative imagery and sharply drawn plots to tell the real story of the notorious author. Narrated by Oscar — and Tony — nominated, two-time Golden Globe-winner Kathleen Turner, American MastersEdgar Allan Poe: Buried Alive explores the misrepresentations of Poe as a drug-addled madman akin to the narrators of his horror stories.”

Looking forward to this one as it stars the brilliantly versatile Denis O’Hare from the American Horror Story series. That guy comfortably wears so many acting hats, I’m surprised his next movie isn’t about a haberdashery, which I believe is a British hat store. Hat is way easier to spell than haberdashery.

Attack of the Killer Donuts

ATTACK OF THE KILLER DONUTS (November 17, 2017)
“A chemical accident turns ordinary donuts into blood thirsty killers. Now it’s up to Johnny, Michelle and Howard to save their sleepy town from…Killer Donuts.”

Yeah, but what kind of donuts? Bear Claws seem to make obvious sense. Not so much for maple bars — unless they’re thrown at your head as if a yummy, sticky brick. Still, we’ve already had Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978); what’s next — Attack of the Killer Hot Dogs? That actually might be cool, now that I think about it.

Scream Queen! My Nightmare on Elm Street

SCREAM QUEEN! MY NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (2017/2018)
“A documentary film focusing on the gay experience in Hollywood horror, Scream, Queen! My Nightmare On Elm Street explores how that experience has changed in the three decades since Mark Patton’s controversial portrayal of Jesse Walsh, the object of Freddy Krueger’s latent desire in Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985).”

Scream, Queen! examines the infamous homo-erotic subtext and the special place the film holds in the Nightmare franchise as well as the gay film canon. Partly in thanks to evolving social mores, Nightmare on Elm Street 2 — which was considered controversial at the time of its release — is now being looked back upon with a new appreciation and fondness by horror aficionados and fans of the series. While Freddy’s Revenge, dubbed “the gayest horror movie ever made,” cemented Freddy as a pop culture icon, Patton was never heard from again. After 30 years of living in near obscurity, Patton is back to talk about how his American dream became a nightmare during the homophobic AIDS crisis in Hollywood and why he had to give it all up.”

Just because they showed a male bare bottom being invisibly horsewhipped in Nightmare on Elm Street 2 doesn’t mean it’s a gay horror movie. It’s the scene where Jesse would rather crawl through a bedroom window to “crash” with his bare-chested buddy than have willing, carte blanche relations with his hot red-headed girlfriend.

Restraint

RESTRAINT (2018)
“A disturbed young woman who plunges into a darkness after becoming unexpectedly pregnant, becoming a threat to her family and herself.”

So much for a second date. Then again, plunging into darkness just might re-heat the leftovers.

Cut: Blunder From Down Under

Posted in Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , on July 9, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Cut

“I’ve got a clause in my contract that says if I get killed, I get paid extra!” insists Molly Ringwald as the actress re-hired to finish her role in Hot Blooded, a horror film never completed due to the director and lesser life forms dying from gaping knife wounds.

Cut

The producers of this overly-derivative Australian slasher flick should hand Molly a check as her incredibly lame performance of a petulant B-movie diva makes you wanna pull a Michael Myers on her.

Cut

Film students, looking to complete the cursed horror movie 10 years later, invoke the ire of the masked psycho, who returns to poke acting holes in the thespians with his trusty garden shears.

Cut Heads get chopped off, throats are impaled, and one unfortunate little lady’s twenty-something haircut falls prey to an automatic woodchopper. The only way to stop the unstoppable killer is to destroy the film print because (yawn) “evil was created when it was filmed.”

To say Cut (2000) is tedious is just being nice.