Archive for TV Vixens

Sci-Fi Guitars, Mechanical Dogs, Victorian Ghosts

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Parallel Universe

Without question, Fender™ guitars are some of the coolest things ever created (that, and vending machines). Now Fender.com™ has issued a limited edition space surf guitar poster called Parallel Universe Jazz Tele®, designed by Ivan Minsloff. It’s $60 and limited to 300, so yes, someone needs to buy this for me.

Paralelle Universe

From the press release: “Ivan Minsloff generally associates the Jazzmaster with either the 90’s indie-rock of Dinosaur Jr. and My Bloody Valentine or with ‘60s surf-rock bands — dudes in matching sweaters. Considering the hybrid, Frankenstein vibe of the Parallel Universe series he decided that a sci-fi surf design would be fun…and it was! Limited to 300 units worldwide, and inspired by those classic ’60s science fiction movie posters, it features surf green ink as a nod to the guitar.

While I go out and wait by my mailbox for someone to send this poster to me, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as cool as Fender™ guitars or surf green ink…

A.X.L.

A.X.L. (August 24, 2018)
“Miles is a down-on-his-luck teenage motorcyclist who stumbles upon an advanced robotic dog that’s part of the military’s next-generation, artificial intelligence program. With help from a girl whom he has a crush on, Miles must protect his new friend when it becomes the target of rogue scientists who want their creation back.”

A robo-dog. Does that mean you have to feed it empty beer cans and old silverware? And what about afterward — does it pee oil? Do you end up stepping in piles of scrap?

The Little Stranger

THE LITTLE STRANGER (August 31, 3018)
Dr. Faraday, the son of a housemaid, who has built a life of quiet respectability as a country doctor. During the long hot summer of 1948, he is called to a patient at Hundreds Hall, where his mother once worked. The Hall has been home to the Ayres family for more than two centuries. But it is now in decline and its inhabitants – mother, son and daughter – are haunted by something more ominous than a dying way of life. When he takes on his new patient, Faraday has no idea how closely, and how disturbingly, the family’s story is about to become entwined with his own.”

Cool — a period piece ghost story with mystery and intrigue. Those two words go together like intrigue and mystery. This also means there will be lots of characters, no nudity and clothes that were once thought to be quite fashionable. Have to say, though; the good ‘ol black rock T-shirt transcends trends and even time itself.

Bumblebee

BUMBLEBEE (December 21, 2018)
“On the run in the year 1987, Bumblebee the Autobot seeks refuge in a junkyard in a small California beach town. Charlie, on the brink of turning 18 years old and trying to find her place in the world, soon discovers the battle-scarred and broken Bumblebee. When Charlie revives him, she quickly learns that this is no ordinary yellow Volkswagen.”

Great. Just we didn’t need or ask for — a Transformers spin-off, this time set in the ‘80s and the car/robot is a Volkswagen Beetle™. Give me a golf cart that could turn into a robot, then you’d have my attention.

The Unseen

THE UNSEEN (2018/2019)
“A man, who years earlier mysteriously abandoned his family and isolated himself in a small northern town, returns for one last chance to reconnect with his troubled daughter. When she goes missing, he risks everything to find her, including exposing the fact that he is becoming invisible.”

And invisible father has been done before with Ghost Dad (1990). Still, it’d be neat to be transparent. One could skip happily through the grocery store wearing nothing but a smile. Kinda liberating when you think about it.

Evil Music, Headless Sex, Bad To The Drone

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Dead – A Nightmare Reimagined

Remember when the only way to summon evil was to play heavy metal vinyl albums backwards? Now you can do it with the Evil Dead – A Nightmare Reimagined two-album vinyl set. And at $35 smackos, it’d be a bargain at twice the price.

Evil Dead – A Nightmare Reimagined

So Joe LoDuca, the guy who did the soundtrack for The Evil Dead movies, re-recorded the original score and even wrote (or “composed”) a bunch of all new music as well. What a swell guy! And hey, with cover art by Graham Humphreys, the 180 gram vinyl comes in a variety of demon-spewed colors: green, yellow, and purple swirl with red splatter effect. Now there’s something to shout at your shoes over. Lest I forget, there’s an included Necronomicon booklet with liner notes from composer Joe LoDuca, producer Robert Tapert and Evil Dead icon himself, Bruce Campbell (aka, Ash).

After you click HERE to buy it, here are a few just released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not have you doing the technicolor yawn…

2036 - Origin Unknown

2036 ORIGIN UNKNOWN (available now)
“After the first manned mission to Mars ends in a deadly crash, mission controller Mackenzie ‘Mack’ Wilson assists an artificial intelligence system, A.R.T.I. Their investigation uncovers a mysterious object under the surface of Mars, that could change the future of our planet as we know it.”

Always up for a good Mars mystery. I’m thinkin’, though, the “mysterious object” under the surface of Mars is probably an extraterrestrial rave club, with glow sticks, aliens dancing stupidly and music that sounds like a clogged space vacuum cleaner.

Marlina The Murderer In Four Acts

MARLINA THE MURDERER IN FOUR ACTS (June 22, 2018)
Marlina is a grieving woman, hard at work all year long to save enough money for the traditional Sumba burial of her late husband; who now sits as a mummy in the living room. Markus knocks on her door and informs her that his gang intends to rob her in half an hour; a promise well kept. Marlina poisons the robbers and seduces Markus. During sex, she beheads him and starts a journey with Markus’ bloodied head inside a plastic bag. She embarks on a journey of redemption and empowerment, but the ghost of one of the men she killed returns to haunt her.”

Cutting off someone’s head while you’re having sex with them? I’m pretty sure there are less violent forms of birth control.

Hover

HOVER (June 29, 2018)
“In the near future, environmental strain causes food shortages around the world. Technology provides a narrow path forward, with agricultural drones maximizing the yield from what land remains. Two compassionate caregivers, Claudia and John, work to help sick farmland inhabitants end their lives. When John dies under mysterious circumstances, the locals help Claudia uncover a deadly connection between the health of her clients and the technology that they are using.”

I watched the trailer; A.I. drones flying around and doing the whole electronic peeping tom thing. As laughable as this is, I get the feeling it’s already happening. Better start using the bathroom indoors from here on out.

Detective Dee: The Four Heavenly Kings

DETECTIVE DEE: THE FOUR HEAVENLY KINGS (July 26, 2018/China)
Accused of wrongdoing by Empress Wu, Detective Dee faces a formidable foe while investigating a crime wave that’s marked by strange and seemingly supernatural occurrences.

If you haven’t seen any of the Detective Dee movies (Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame/2010 and Young Detective Dee: Rise of the Sea Dragon/2013), then you’re depriving yourself of crazy wild fantasy visuals that make you rethink reality. You’ll need a seatbelt for your mind.

Batman vs. Dracula vs. James Bond, Robo-Cities, Bigfoot Returns

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batman Fights Dracula

Batman Fights Dracula. Been looking for this movie for a million years. Here’s all I’ve been able to turn up: “Batman Fights Dracula is a 1967 color Philippines film directed by Leody M. Diaz. The cast includes Jing Abalos in the duel roles of Batman and Bruce Wayne, and Dante Rivero as Dracula, the Dark Prince himself.”

Batman Fights Dracula

If anyone knows where I can watch this for free (okay, I’ll pony up some fun coupons, but let’s not get crazy here), let me know so I can take this one off my leaking bucking list.

James_Batman

Also looking for James Batman, a 1966 Filipino Batman/James Bond spoof. Besides the teaming of Batman with James Bond (and Rubin, the Boy Wonder), the premise tells us this: “An evil organization called the CLAW has threatened nuclear annihilation on the rest of the world unless all countries submit to its rule within five days. Presenting a united front, an alliance of countries tap James Bond and Batman (and Rubin/Robin) to stop the threat. However, both Bond and Batman play brinkmanship with each other, and as the hour to doomsday winds down, are eventually forced to work together. Little do the protagonists know that the real enemy is closer than they think.”

Batman Fights Dracula

While you go out and do the research for me, here’s a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to help take my mind off the likelihood that neither Batman or James Bond will be of any help. Then again, maybe Rubin can…

Bad Times At The El Royale

BAD TIMES AT THE EL ROYALE (October 5, 2018)
“Seven strangers, each with a secret to bury, meet at Lake Tahoe’s El Royale, a rundown hotel with a dark past. Over the course of one fateful night, everyone will have a last shot at redemption…before everything goes to hell.”

Sounds a lot like Identity (2003), wherein 10 people who don’t know each other are stuck at a desolate Nevada motel during a gnarly rain storm. Doesn’t take long before they realize they’re being mysteriously being killed off, one at a time. I didn’t know it rained in Nevada. Learning something new every day.

Mortal Engines

MORTAL ENGINES (December 14, 2018)
Mortal Engines is set in a post-apocalyptic steampunk world where entire cities have been mounted on wheels and motorized, and prey on one another.”

Cities on wheels fighting other cities on wheels? In your face, Transformers! For people who know how to read without moving their lips (unfortunately, I’m not a one-percenter), Mortal Engines is based on the novel of the same name by Philip Reeve. Good for him. And good for us the trailer showcases stunning visuals that makes viewers re-shape their mouth lips into a “wow” shape.

Big Legend

BIG LEGEND (2018)
“An ex-soldier ventures into the Pacific Northwest to uncover the truth behind his fiancée’s disappearance and finds more than bargained for after teaming up with a local hunter. 

Word around the trailer park is that Big Legend stars Adrienne Barbeau (72), former girlfriend of Swamp Thing and Lance Henriksen (78), whose locked feet with Bigfoot several times before in Sasquatch (aka, The Untold/2002) and Devil on the Mountain (aka, Sasquatch Mountain/2006). Let’s get ready to rumble!

Exorcism At 60,000 Feet

EXORCISM AT 60,000 FEET (2018)
“On the last flight of a transatlantic passenger airliner, a demon is discovered on board.”

This is supposed to be a horror comedy, which makes sense as exorcisms are both LOL and VOL. (Vomit out loud.)Which brings me to the question: How the heck do demons get airplane tickets? You have to show ID and since demons are sometimes made of a bunch of other demons (“Legion, for we are many…”), hellspawners no doubt use counterfeit identification. And that’s totally illegal, which is probably why they’re in Purgatory in the first place. (Man, when I go off the tracks, I seem to just hit the gas.)

Retro Apes, Monk Madness, Virtual Lower Class

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Planet of the Apes

Super7.com — maker of retro action figures, shirts and possibly tea-strainers of pop culture personages/things, are offering a series of six retro Planet of the Apes action figures or “toys” for a non-retro price of $15.00 each. So cool, and yet my wallet is pushing back.

Planet of the Apes

Here’s from the press release: “Super7 is beyond stoked to be part of the 50th Anniversary of the original Planet of the Apes film! Now you can travel back to an alternate universe where Apes are waiting at the toy shop after the sci-fi classic blew 1968 minds. Far out, man!”

Far out, man. I heard a hippie say that to me once. I had no idea what he was saying. Maybe it was his response to me telling him he should experience the glory of the washcloth.

Dr. Zaius

So you can get Cornelius, Dr. Zauis, General Ursus, Nova, Taylor and Zira individually or as a set for $90. (No discount for a group purchase). It should be noted that the Taylor action figure isn’t wearing clothes and when you pull the string on the Nova figure, it doesn’t say anything. (Kidding, none of ‘em have strings and most seem to wearing at least a smile.)

Click HERE snag ‘em (the packaging is way cool). And should decide not to buy ‘em. Here are a few now available/upcoming horror and sci-fi films that unfortunately talk when you pull the string…

The Nursery

THE NURSERY (available now)
“When Ranae, a college student babysits for a family with a tragic history, she finds herself stalked by a sinister presence and haunted by ghosts from her own past. Soon, she and her friends must confront the angry, evil spirit hunting them down one-by-one on a deliberate march towards its ultimate prey.”

Geez — what is it with people “haunted by ghosts from their own past”? Who doesn’t have that? heck, I have about a baker’s dozen — or Th13teen Ghosts (heh) — of ‘em just waiting to trip me up every time I’m hired to babysit. Hey, it beats delivering newspapers in the rain. Like the ghosts, that B.S. messes up my hair.

House of Evil

HOUSE OF EVIL (available now)
“Set in the early 70’s, House of Evil tells the story of a young couple, John and Kate, that move into an old mansion in the countryside. Soon they discover that the house is haunted by the Devil himself, who want to possess them and enter the world.”

Even though it was filmed in Italy and released in 2017 where Italian food was born and tastes way better than it does over here in the States, this is an English language flick. Never mind that the plot is so worn out, even the Devil herself only makes cameos; Italian food is tastier than hell.

The Apperance

THE APPEARANCE (2018)
“An officer of the Inquisition and rational man of science, visits a remote monastery to investigate a bizarre murder of a monk. Something evil is afoot. But is the terror man-made or the result of witchcraft?”

Nope, it’s witchcraft. It’s the only thing that makes sense, especially when you have an evil foot.

Empathy, Inc.

EMPATHY, INC. (June 24, 2018)
“At the lowest and most desperate moment in his life, hotshot venture capitalist Joel meets old friend Nicolaus and his business partner Lester, who are seeking investors in a new technology known as XVRXtreme Virtual Reality — from their company Empathy, Inc., which is said to offer the most realistic and moving experiences for users by placing them in the lives of the less fortunate. Joel gets the startup its funds but soon discovers that the tech’s creators have far more sinister uses in store for their creation and that the reality it provides its customers isn’t virtual.”

This borrows heavily from 1984’s Dreamscape. But if Empathy, Inc. want real virtual experiences for their customers, best to not let them put their pity hat on to step into my shoes. I have an evil afoot.

Married Ghosts

Posted in Ghosts, Misc. Horror, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

High Spirits

Warning: High Spirits is comedy horror from the year 1988. I don’t know what’s worse — horror as comedy or the year 1988.

High Spirits

In a slick bit of entrepreneurial maneuvering a drunk Irishman (typecasting) tells everyone his ramshackle castle is haunted so that American tourist dollars will flow like cheap Scotch at a log-throwing party.

High Spirits

As if on cue a couple of real ghosts — murdered on their wedding night — are hanging out, replaying their demise without showing blood, guts, bloody guts or heads hacked from neck. Who the heck would pay to see that? I want wet entrails, dang it — and lots of ’em.

High Spirits

Key to the plot is that one of the ghosts gals wants to hook up with a non-ghost guy. I wonder if that’s where the dating term “ghosting” comes from? I’m gonna have to say yes. 

The Ghost and Mrs. Demur

Posted in Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Half Light

After her seven-year-old son drowns, mystery novelist Rachel Carson (played by perennial hottie Demi Moore) can’t write successful novels anymore. So her husband and real estate best friend tell her to go to a cottage cliff rental in the Scottish Highlands where everyone talks like Scotty from Star Trek and smells like sheep clippings. It’s hoped this R&R will help her reconcile her grief and start making money again for spending purposes.

Half Light

Once situated in Scotland, unusual events occur: The refrigerator magnet letters form messages from her dead son and there are brief flashes of ghostly figures and sheep poop everywhere you step. While staying in the stink village of Ingonish Cove, Rachel notices a light coming from the abandoned lighthouse within small dingy rowing distance across the wind-battered inlet.

Half Light

So without a life vest, she rows there, meets a young man named Angus (isn’t everyone in Scotland named Angus, even the women?) and the two start hanging out ’n stuff. But wait just a Scooby Doo moment — the other villagers tell Rachel that Angus died years ago and that no one lives at the lighthouse, every since the bulb burnt out and no one wanted to change it. 

Half Light

This, of course, appeals to her mystery-seeking nature. So she has sex with the guy to prove everyone wrong. But those messages from her dead son keep showing up as if to warn her of…something. She calls her girlfriend who flies to Scotland to have a girl’s night out with wine, fashion tips and comparing notes about doing it with ghost lighthouse keepers. 

Half Light

Something isn’t quite adding up, though, so she digs a little more and with the help of her dead son’s communiques, stumbles across the truth: Angus isn’t a ghost at all, the big phony. He was hired by Demi’s husband and girlfriend (who are having a bare naked affair) to drive her mad so that they could control all of her spending money. Even real ghosts wouldn’t be that conniving.

Half LightRachel/Demi is bagpipe hot and while she has sex and doesn’t show her fun parts, you’ll still like looking at her for hours at a time. As for Half Light (2006), I probably won’t be looking at it for anymore hours at a time. I wanted rot-faced ghosts and international intrigue, but all I got was a tepid mystery. (Given the movie’s location, it’s practically an insult to not factor in the Loch Ness Monster, if even for a cameo.) I still heart Scotland, though.

Death By Boredom

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , on May 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Final destination

And I thought Final Destination 3 (2006) with “death by tanning bed” was 

bad. The fourth — and hardly final The Final Destination (2009) — dispenses with the plot altogether, and just goes for the “set ’em up/knock ’em down” kill scenes, in which Death, only temporarily deprived, gets what it came for. They did this one in 3D. So what?

The Final Destination

Nick O’Bannon, his girlfriend and another Guess Jeans™ couple are white-trashin’ it at a race car track. Foreseeing a horrific accident that ends up with a good portion the grandstand viewing audience getting either cut in half or turned into human Jell-O™ by ricochetting car parts/tires, Nick barely gets his friends, as well as a few others, out of exploding harm’s way.

The Final Destination

As with all the FD movies, they were supposed to die. Now Death hunts them down and sets up elaborate traps that end in all accounts being paid in full. The mousetrap scenes are so evenly paced you could set your watch to ’em. Even then, they’re just not that innovative. One guy gets his butt/innards sucked out through a swimming pool drain. Really? That’s all you got?

The Final Destination

Another one finds a girl trapped in a car wash about to get her face sheared off by those big roll-y things. Big time flinch — she gets out…and later dies by impalement. Hang on a sec — gotta yawn.

The Final Destination

Another guy gets plowed into by an ambulance (plagiarizing the bus scene in Final Destination/2000). Another is dragged down the street by a runaway tow truck and catches on fire, burning alive. Man, this yawning is contagious.

The Final Destination

But the biggest rip-off of all comes at the end when a semi plows into a coffee shop and smashes into the last three remaining survivors. It’s right here they cut to a computer-animated x-ray “cartoon” of the bodies getting mangled, broken and busted. They even showed an x-ray of the truck!

The Final Destination

Stick with Final Destination and Final Destination 2/2003, and leave the rest for Death to clean up.