Archive for Nature Gone Wild

Toying With Godzilla, A Nice Exorcist, Spider-Man On Vacation

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla

Wanna get toys based on Godzilla: King of the Monsters about the same time the movie comes out on May 31, 2019? Thanks to NECA and Jakks Pacific (and available at Toy Ark), you can and should.

Godzilla

Toys or “Fun Talismans,” include Godzilla (duh) and his frenemies, King Ghidorah, Rodan and Mothra. On their press release, though, they said Fire Godzilla will also be included. Did they just send out a spoiler?

Godzilla

Most of the monsters will be 12 inches tall, with one Godzilla version twice that size, whatever that measures out to be. There will also be smaller versions and even a Godzilla mask in case you wanna goon out the neighbors.

Godzilla

While we make room in the toy box, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not goon out the neighbors…

Animas

ANIMAS (January 25, 2019/Netflix™)
Alex is a confident girl with a strong personality and great tenacity. She’s very close to her best friend Abraham, to whom she provides constant help and support, as Abraham is a shy, withdrawn and insecure boy, mainly due to the complex relationship between he and his parents. But everything changes when Daniel — Abraham’s father — dies in a strange accident, the cause of which is unclear. From this moment on, Alex finds herself on a hallucinatory journey that takes her on a descent into hell, where the line between reality and nightmare becomes blurred to the point that Alex begins to question the foundations of her very existence.”

Descent into hell? Hallucinatory journey? The line between reality and nightmare becomes blurred? Sounds like Alex has been hanging out in the same bars as me.

The Good Exorcist

THE GOOD EXORCIST (February 21, 2019/El Rey/VOD)
“A socially awkward but reliable exorcist attempts to remove a difficult demon from a ranch owned by an eccentric family in Texas. However, the demon proves to be more difficult than the priest assumed it would be.”

Since this is on a ranch, I totally bet the demon is cow. Hey, it’s got horns and shoots some sort of evil fluid from each of its four unholy dangle-y squirt gun type things under its swim suit area. Evil is pronounced “moo” in its hellish language.

Spider-Man: Far From Home

SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME (July 5, 2019)
“Our friendly neighborhood superhero decides to join his best friends Ned, MJ, and the rest of the gang on a European vacation. However, Peter’s plan to leave super heroics behind for a few weeks are quickly scrapped when he begrudgingly agrees to help Nick Fury uncover the mystery of several elemental creature attacks, creating havoc across the continent.”

Just like the last movie (Spider-Man: Homecoming/2017, in case you forgot), the trailer for the new one is so ridiculously cool, you almost don’t need to see the movie. But you’ll just have to. And Spider-Man going up against Mysterio? I just webbed my pants.

The Change Over

THE CHANGE OVER (2019)
“Sixteen year-old Laura Chant lives with her mother and four-year-old brother Jacko in a low-rent suburb on the edge of earthquake-scarred Christchurch, New Zealand. Laura is drawn into a supernatural battle with an ancient spirit who attacks Jacko and slowly drains the life out of him as the spirit becomes ever younger. Laura discovers her true identity and the supernatural ability within her, and must harness it to save her brother’s life.”

There’s a place called, Christchurch? Sounds like a good place for a Holy war to me. That the place is actually real and is plagued by earthquakes makes me wanna move there and get a front row pew.  

A Mountain of Monsters

Posted in Aliens, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Under The Mountain

The first problem with Under The Mountain (2009), a dark fantasy horror flick based on a popular 1979 New Zealand book, and an eight-part TV mini-series, is its bland title. The “tween targeted” movie has tentacled shape-shifters known as Wilberforces, who masquerade as funeral home directors by day, and teenager/planet vanquishing creatures by night. It also has the Gargantua (giant underground bug), slime tunnels, a benevolent alien who can make stuff catch on fire, and volcanoes. So why not call it Theo & The Volcano Lickers or Worm Creatures From Uranus? You wanna sell this thing, yes? Geez.

Under The Mountain

Two Auckland teen twins, a brother and sister, share a telepathic link. I don’t know why, they just do. Rachel and Theo go to live with their uncle and aunt on the scenic and uncomfortably named Lake Pupuke after mom was wormed to death. There’s a decrepit old house on the lake shore inhabited with Wilberforce creatures, who look sorta human during work hours and slug entities resembling Swamp Thing dipped in 30-weight in the evenings.

Under The Mountain

The Wilberforces are aliens who want to destroy the world and have the means to do so with the Gargantua that lives under one of the town’s seven(!) volcanoes. He’s also the size of Godzilla’s waterbed. They can’t accomplish their “planets to destroy” things to do list until they get rid of the telepathic twits, uh, twins. For they hold within their red hair the power to stop the Wilberforces in their slug trails.

Under The Mountain

Enter Mr. Jones, an alien who looks like a human, but is not. He’s been following the Wilberforces around the universe, recruiting twins with the power of “twinness” (their word, not mine). This ability, enhanced by smooth rocks that they’re supposed to chuck into the mouth of the volcano, will cause everything to fire up, thereby frying the Wilberforces like steaks on the barbie. Mr. Jones, a fireraiser, tells them to think more like Frodo and less like dumbasses.

Under The Mountain

He can teleport them around town, but his flame is growing weaker and he’s dying. Am I the only one who thinks drinking charcoal starter fluid might help here? The Wilberforces can smell the twins and chase them all the way to the lake’s main island. I’d tell you the name of it, but it’s too hard to spell. (It’s like those people in New Zealand have a different word for everything.)

Under The Mountain

The showdown between the Wilberforces and the teens is as limp as a case of Brewer’s Droop. These monsters can make their arms and hands grow into wiggling slugs, so why not have some fun with it? And while we’re chatting, the Gargantua never gets out of its underground parking garage. Why even have one if you’re not gonna let it loose on humanity?

Under The Mountain

Kids might like this “horror adventure.” I didn’t, mostly because no one ate anyone’s face off, no buildings were crushed under flailing tentacles, and there wasn’t a single swear word to be heard. If the Wilberforces were after me, you can bet your arse I’d invoke every four-letter cuss in the dictionary, both as exclamations and taunts.

Galloping Ghosts, Another Apocalypse, Leggy Mermaids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Galloping Ghost Arcade

Wanna play rare and classic horror/sci-fi-themed pinball? Then you’re gonna have to gallop to the Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookfield, IL. Depending where you live if not in Brookfield, the cost of getting there will be a LOT of quarters.

Galloping Ghost Arcade

The famed arcade now has said super rare pinball machines, ready to suck up your pocket change like a hobo Roomba™: Twilight Zone, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Addams Family, Godzilla (the sucky 1998 monster, not the non-sucky 1954 version), Tales From The Crypt, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aliens, and the super-rare one-of-a-kind prototype of Predator, with red skulls on elongated skeletal spines mounted on each side of the machine. If you lose, your skull plus spine gets ripped out and hung on the trophy wall. (It’d be cool if that were true.)

Galloping Ghost Arcade

$15 — $20 gets you unlimited play on all the machines all day. I would’ve paid at least $20.01. So while you inner weep with anguish that you’re not within tilting distance of the Galloping Ghost Arcade, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series and movies that may or may not give you unlimited viewing for $20, give or take a few quarters…

The Passage

THE PASSAGE (January 14, 2019/Fox™)
“Based on author Justin Cronin’s trilogy of the same name, The Passage is a character-driven action drama that focuses on Project Noah, a secret medical facility where scientists experiment with a dangerous virus that could lead to the cure for all disease — but it also could potentially wipe out the human race. When a young girl is chosen to be a test subject, a federal agent is tasked with bringing her in, but he becomes her surrogate father, determined to protect her at any cost — even as Project Noah’s work threatens to unleash an unimaginable apocalypse.”

This one’s a TV series and sounds apocalyptical-y edgier than we’re used to getting from the Fox Network. The irony here being that most of Fox’s programming qualifies as apocalyptical-y craptacular, Gotham, The Exorcist and Lucifer notwithstanding. (Hell’s Kitchen? Is that stupid thing still on the air?)

10

10 (January 18, 2019/Netflix)
Sam, a teenage girl, is one of the last people on a post-cataclysmic Earth. With the final shuttle scheduled to leave the planet, she must decide whether to journey to the launch point and join the rest of humanity, or remain on Earth, a castaway in the only home she has ever known.”

This looks to be based on an episode of Futurama (“A Farewell To Arms”/2012). Don’t screw with a guy who knows his cartoons.

The Golem

THE GOLEM (February 5, 2019)
“During an outbreak of a deadly plague, a young woman, Hanna, must save her tight-knit Jewish community from invaders. Turning to Jewish mysticism, she conjures a dangerous entity to protect her and her people. However, the powerful creature she summons may be far more evil than anything she could have ever imagined.”

Wrote about the original Golem before — several times. It was done in 1915 and was a German silent film, blah, blah, blah. And yes, there have been remakes with the EXACT SAME PLOT.

The Isle

THE ISLE (February, 2019/Limited theater release)
“Set in 1846 on a remote island off the west coast of Scotland, where three survivors from a mysterious sinking of their merchant ship find themselves stranded on a small misty isle. The isle’s four sole secretive residents, an old harbor man, a farmer, his niece and a young mad woman, are anything but welcoming and reluctant to aid the sailors back to the mainland. The promise of a boat never materializes leading one of the sailors to question why people had abandoned the island. Through his investigation he discovers that every year around the same date a tragedy at sea would occur and young men from the island would perish. When his two shipmates meet with fatal accidents, the myth of a ghostly siren haunting the island leads him to try and uncover the truth.”

Sounds like mermaids with legs. (Come to think of it, nice visual.) This also seems to echo the plot of the new movie, The Vanishing (2019). I haven’t seen that one yet, but I don’t think it has mermaids with legs. Too bad; I might’ve watched it twice by now. 

Sweet Tooth Sci-Fi, Early-Period Zombies, Marsh Monster

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stranger Things

If you’re a fan of Stranger Things (and who on this planet isn’t?), Itsugar.com just made available a whole bowl of Stranger Things themed candy, from My Little Pollywog gummy to Barb Missing Milk Carton (full of chocolate malt balls) to the Upside Down Chocolate Bar — half premium milk chocolate and half gray-speckled white chocolate. Pack your bags — you’re about to go to Yum Town.

Stranger Things

Stranger Things

Before you go indulging your taste for all things stranger and sweet, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi streaming series, which may or may not give you cavities…

Stranger Things 3

STRANGER THINGS 3 (July 4, 2019/Netflix™)
Titles for the new episodes include: “Suzie, Do You Copy?, “The Mall Rats,” “The Case of the Missing Lifeguard,” “The Sauna Test,” “The Source,” “The Birthday,” “The Bite” and “The Battle of Starcourt.”

That’s all they’re giving us for now. Fine by me — the Stranger Things series is so addictively bingeful, it should be classified as some sort of visual drug, like porno. Except instead of Jennifer Lawrence’s Photoshopped naked/nude body wrapped around mine, you get the Demogorgon, which may or may not know who Jennifer Lawrence is. Or me.

Kingdom

KINGDOM (January 26, 2019/Netflix™)
In a kingdom defeated by corruption and famine, a mysterious plague spreads to turn the infected into monsters. The crown prince, framed for treason and desperate to save his people, sets out on a journey to unveil what evil lurks in the dark.

Looking forward to this South Korean period piece zombie apocalypse chewfest. And hey, it’s gonna be a series, which means more couch time for this professional squatter.

The Punisher

THE PUNISHER (2019/Netflix™)
“After exacting revenge on those responsible for the death of his wife and children, Frank Castle uncovers a conspiracy that runs far deeper than New York’s criminal underworld. Now known throughout the city as The Punisher, he must discover the truth about injustices that affect more than his family alone.”

If you saw Season One of Netflix’s The Punisher, it certainly lived up to its name — each show contained some of the most face-pinchingly brutal fight scenes this side of Daredevil ever filmed for enjoyment purposes. And Jon Bernthal, who played the loose cannon Shane on The Walking Dead, is the perfect choice to deliver the business end of his pummel-happy fists. I am so happy right now.

Swamp Thing

SWAMP THING (2019/DC Universe)
Abby Arcane, an employee at Atlanta’s Center for Disease Control, investigates what seems to be a deadly swamp-born virus in a small town in Louisiana but soon discovers that the swamp holds mystical and terrifying secrets.”

A new series set to stream on DC Universe. As much as Swamp Thing is cool, it remains to be seen if he’s $7.99 a month cool.

Worms, Slasher Santa, Whispering Dead

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead

If you watched the mid-season finale of The Walking Dead last November, you got to see YET ANOTHER main character die, and were introduced to The Whisperers, YET ANOTHER group of enemies of the still-living. No spoilers, but hot dang, that last scene was right up there with some of TWD’s best “holy sh*t!” moments.

The Walking Dead

Here’s an excerpt from the press release that tells us what’s in store when the show resumes on Sunday, February 10, 2019 on AMC

“The group’s rules and ways of survival no longer guarantee their safety. A whole new threat has crossed their paths, and they soon discover it’s unlike any threat they have encountered or endured before. The group will start to question what they think they see. What may appear to be normal in this post-apocalyptic world could actually be more disturbing and terrifying than when the apocalypse first broke out. All that is certain is the stakes are high and numerous.”

The Walking Dead

A bit generic, but if you’ve read the graphic novels, you kinda already know what holy sh*t is coming down the pipe. Until then, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not scare the holy sh*t outta you…

Mojin: The Worm Valley

MOJIN: THE WORM VALLEY (January 4, 2019)
“Following in the footsteps of blockbuster Mojin: The Lost Legend and based on the bestselling novel series, Mojin: The Worm Valley once again finds legendary tomb explorer Hu Bayi on a dangerous mission as he seeks out the Tomb of Emperor Xian, located on an island of monstrous creatures in this mystical action-adventure.”

A valley of worms and an island of monstrous creatures? Spring break!

Dial Code Santa Claus

DIAL CODE SANTA CLAUS (now showing)
Thomas, a resourceful child, is left alone with his fragile grandfather on Christmas Eve. When a killer dressed as Santa Claus breaks into their home, Thomas does whatever it takes to defend his home and grandfather.”

This originally came out back in 1989 in its native country of France, or a place that sounds like France. It made its way here over the border wall as a bootlegged VHS. But now Dial Code Santa Claus getting a proper release and is making the film house circuit as we e-speak. Hopefully, it’ll be available on DVD — but France is gonna have to pay for it.

Doom Room

DOOM ROOM (January 15, 2019)
“A woman wakes up locked in a small room with no memory of how she arrived there. Unable to escape, and tormented by a series of paranormal entities, she must uncover the riddle of who she is and how she got here.”

YET ANOTHER spin on the Cube/Saw scenario. It also describes the night after drinking in The Tug Tavern.

The Hole In The Ground

THE HOLE IN THE GROUND (2019)
“Trying to escape her broken past, Sarah O’Neill is building a new life on the fringes of a backwood rural town with her young son, Chris. A terrifying encounter with a mysterious neighbor shatters her fragile security, throwing Sarah into a spiraling nightmare of paranoia and mistrust, as she tries to uncover if the disturbing changes in her little boy are connected to an ominous sinkhole buried deep in the forest that borders their home.”

I bet Thomas Crapper, the guy who invented the toilet, was inspired by sinkholes. He should’ve called it the “Stinkhole,” though. Heh.

The Kings of Kaiju

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Rodan

Three new key art posters for Godzilla: King of the Monsters, coming in May 2019. These are pretty dang cool as each of Godzilla’s BFFs (Big F’n Foes) get their own moment in the spotlight.

First, we get to see in sweet detail what Rodan looks like. The gigantic, trouble-making bird had his own movie back in 1956. It was Toho’s (film studio) first color movie and actually featured two Rodans. Wonder if their mom knew the pesky Pteranodons snacked on humans and intentionally knocked over buildings?

Ghidorah

Next up is the three-headed Ghidorah, who was also called Monster Zero back in 1970. In his big screen debut, aliens in shiny suits from Planet X (on the same block as Jupiter), come to Earth asking to borrow Godzilla and Rodan to help smack Ghidorah, who has been flying around and zapping the planet with electric bolts, forcing the English-speaking extraterrestrials to live underground with no windows. Not surprisingly, beans were outlawed.

Mothra

Then we come to Mothra, who was introduced in 1964. (In Japan, the movie was called Mothra vs. Godzilla, but in the States it was titled Godzilla vs. The Thing.) A huge storm (in Japan they called it a typhoon) unearths an egg the size of a shopping mall. In it are twin larvae and Mothra is their mom (or would that be “Momthra”?). Godzilla fancies an omelet and tries to crack the egg, until Mothra flies in as if to say, “Oh, hell no.”

As of this writing Godzilla: King of The Monsters is still about six months away. These new posters help ease my anxiousness to see this monster match-up. Until then, I’ll keep going to my support group meetings.

White Privilege Zombie

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

White Zombie

Madeleine and Neil are in love and want to get married at a Haitian plantation. Sounds romantic. And hey, Monsieur Beaumont owns a Haitian plantation; why not go to Haiti and get hitched in the middle of the night while zombies roam and voodoo drum solos echo across the countryside?

White Zombie

But that sly ’ol dog Beaumont has a hidden agenda. His flimsy plan is to get Madeline there and somehow try to convince her to dump Neil and let him feel her up, through sickness and in health. He explains this while walking her down the aisle. Nice timing, dude.

White Zombie

But Beaumont didn’t get that nice suit by taking the long way around success. He contacts his neighbor Legendre, an evil man whose very glare will make you poop in your pants. And he knows how to turn you into a zombie (which accounts for all those minimum wage workers in his castle and mill). He wants Legendre to use his black mojo to make Madeline hook up with him. Legendre gives the emotionally f’d up Beaumont some zombie dust.

White Zombie

One minute after being pronounced Mrs. Neil Something, she smells her wedding bouquet and, wham, deader than a door nail. Neil freaks. Beaumont takes the body away and sure enough, it comes back to life. But not life as he thought. Madeline is as emotionless as a married couple, and hardly even blinks. Beaumont goes back to Legendre and wants a refund. Slight problem — once a zombie, always a zombie. 

White Zombie

Meanwhile, Neil and a priest friend try and find his corpse bride. Well, heck — she’s wandering around Legendre’s beach front castle (complete with zombie maids and stunning ocean views from every room except the dungeon). Neil finds Madeline, but she gives him the cold shoulder. (Neil didn’t know she was a zombie. Heck, he thought she was dead.) 

White Zombie

A small scuffle ensues with Legendre ultimately being thrown off one of his many scenic balconies onto the beach rocks below. It’s only after Legendre dies that the zombie spell is broken. Neil’s future is now full of smooches and feeling ups.

White Zombie

White Zombie (1932) has an interesting premise and is full of Bela Lugosi eyebrow close-ups, which look like sweater sleeves taped to his forehead. But shabby pacing, no real scares, and several glasses of spilled wine slow this thing down to a zombie crawl. (I don’t drink wine, but I hate to see ANY alcohol go to waste.)