Archive for Supernatural

Edible Monsters, Rubberized Evil, Reanimated Relatives

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jell-O Monster Slime

Did you watch Ghostbusters (1984) and ever want to take a bite out of Slimer, that hot dog-guzzling poltergeist that looks like a big green, lumpy marshmallow with a mouth? Of course you did. And now you can with Jell-O™ Monster Slime, edible, um, goop (or something that rhymes with it), that pays loose homage to that iconic sticky ghost.

Jell-O Monster Slime

Available for pre-order on Amazon.com (14.8 ounces), this 100% digestible lime gunk will sell for $10 (give or take) and will be available at select stores (probably in the bathroom plumbing department of The Home Depot™) on December 10, 2018. Watch how fast I don’t go there.

Unicorn Slime / Monster Slime

In case Monster Slime™ isn’t your taste (heh), they also have Unicorn Slime™, which is pink and strawberry-flavored. There’s a joke in there somewhere. While I try and come up with a non-offensive punchline, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not gum up your internal plumbing…

Elizabeth Harvest

ELIZABETH HARVEST (December 4, 2018)
“Newlywed Elizabeth arrives with her brilliant scientist husband Henry to his magnificent estate, where he wows her with lavish dinners and a dazzling tour of the property. The house staff Claire and Oliver treat her deferentially but she can’t shake the feeling something is off. Henry explains that everything in his world now belongs to her, all is for her to play in — all except for a locked-off room he forbids her from entering. When he goes away for business, Elizabeth decides to investigate.”

This plot echoed around the gas chamber that is the inside of my head, so I decided to investigate (click madly the mouse): Turns out, Elizabeth Harvest is a science fiction re-imagining of the French folktale of Bluebeard (1697), in which a violent nobleman in the habit of murdering his wives is confronted by a new wife trying to avoid the fate of her predecessors. Sounds like an extreme case of buyer’s remorse.

Replicas

REPLICAS (January 11, 2019)
“A scientist becomes obsessed with bringing back his family members who died in a traffic accident.”

Keanu Reeves — on a hot roll following the John Wick movies (extremely cool badass) — looks to be playing a modern day Victor Frankenstein here. I wish him well with all his science-y skills to achieve the desired results. Ironically, though, all he really needs is a shovel and some sort of…pet sematary.

Child's Play

CHILD’S PLAY (June 21, 2019)
“A mother gives her son a toy doll for his birthday, unaware of its more sinister nature.”

This plot also sounds suspiciously familiar. Could’a sworn I saw something very similar back in…1988. Something about a doll possessed by evil or a facsimile thereof.

Bonejangles 2: Bride of Bonejangles

BONEJANGLES 2: BRIDE OF BOJANGLES (2019)
Picking up after the events of Bonejangles, supernatural serial killer, Edgar Friendly Junior, a.k.a. Mr. Bonejangles, is inadvertently resurrected by a mysterious and sinister cult of followers of the succubus witch, Rowena. Mr. Bonejangles wastes no time picking up where he left off and sets his sights on hapless police officer Doug Partridge, the one who got away from him. But Rowena’s followers have plans of their own on Bonejangles…plans that may spell doom for the very world itself.”

Didn’t see the first Bonejangles movie (2017), so I have no idea what the heckaroo they’re talking about. And as for the plans that spell doom for the world, a lot of movies make the same claim. My question: When are any of you gonna make good with that promise? Getting tired of waiting around.

Nightmare King, Porno Slasher, Ghost Mom

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Nightmare King

It’s one thing to eat fast food and later get nightmares. But it’s entirely another thing to have a fast food chain tell you up front their burgers will give you nightmares. Genius, and yet unsettling, both to your mind and lower intestines.

Nightmare King

Burger King™, hot on the heels of their Scary Black Cherry Frozen Fanta™ drink for this year’s Halloween season, is now selling the Nightmare King™ (great name), a hamburger with green buns (there’s a joke in there somewhere) that’s designed to make you freak out in your sleep. Time to throw out your Freddy Krueger spring rolls.

Nightmare King

A review from CNBC.com: “The Nightmare King hase a ghoulish green bun and is filled with grilled beef, crispy chicken, bacon, American cheese and mayonnaise. And Burger King is actually claiming that the Halloween sandwich will induce nightmares, having tested it with 100 people over ten nights. The study revealed a 3.5 time increase in nightmares.

Nightmare King

It’s the combination of protein and cheese that leads to vivid dreams, according to Dr. Jose Gabriel Medina, a somnologist and the study’s lead doctor, according to an online release. People’s Rapid Eye Movement (REM) cycles were interrupted, a time when most people dream.”

Nightmare King

So they actually went out and found a doctor to validate their marketing. Wonder if they hired Republicans to cook ‘em? And before you race to Burger King™ to shell out $6.39 for one of these bad dream burgers (available October 22, 2018 while stocks last), here are a few upcoming horror that may or may not be as scary as green buns…

The Clovehitch Killer

THE CLOVEHITCH KILLER (November 16, 2018)
Tyler is a good kid, a boy scout, raised by a poor but happy family in a small, religious town. But when he finds his dad, Don, has disturbing pornography hidden in the shed, he starts to fear that his dad might be Clovehitch, an infamous serial killer that was never caught. Tyler teams up with Kassi, a teenage outcast who’s morbidly obsessed with the Clovehitch legend, to discover the truth in time to save his family.”

Porn is disturbing and a religious town isn’t? Seems they got their priorities out of whack. They probably should let Clovey get in there and straighten everyone out.

The Prodigy

THE PRODIGY (February 8, 2019)
“Pulling from The Omen and The Bad Seed, the feature tells the story of a young mother who, concerned about her 8-year-old son’s disturbing behavior, thinks something supernatural may be affecting him.”

Pulling from The Omen (1976) and The Bad Seed (1956)? How about bold-face ripping off? And just so we’re clear here, disturbing behavior is what 8-year-old kids do for a living. If you own and operate one of those things, expect it to continue for at least another 10 years.

The Final Wish

THE FINAL WISH (2018/2019)
“Aaron is struggling lawyer who returns home following the passing of his father to help his devastated mother and confront his past demons. Sifting through his father’s belongings, Aaron stumbles upon an Urn which is far more than it seems. As his desires and wishes start coming true, Aaron thinks his prayers have been answered until he learn the sinister price that comes with THE FINAL WISH.”

A can of beer has pretty much the same effect. And when you’re wishes run out, BUY ANOTHER CAN OF BEER. This isn’t rocket science, people.

The Curse of La Llorona

THE CURSE OF LA LLORONA (April 19, 2019)
“Ignoring the eerie warning of a troubled mother suspected of child endangerment, a social worker and her own small kids are soon drawn into a frightening supernatural realm. Their only hope to survive La Llorona’s deadly wrath may be a disillusioned priest and the mysticism he practices to keep evil at bay, on the fringes where fear and faith collide.”

There’s been about a dozen takes on the La Llorona Mexican folklore, which is about the ghost of a woman, who lost her children, cries while looking for them in the river, often causing bad luck/headaches for anyone who hears her spectral bellyaching. Note to ghost moms — the river is not a good babysitter.

Tattooed Superhero, Pentagon Aliens, Eating Planets

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batgirl

Going batty over the first released pic of Ruby Rose as the new Batgirl. Before she launches her own series, CW is gonna have her do pop-ups in The Flash, Supergirl and Arrow. (It’ll be called Elseworlds. Batman is gonna be so jealous.)

Ruby Rose

Ruby Rose, if you didn’t hear, is being touted as the first gay female superhero in the lead role. While CW already has several high-profile gay/lesbian characters in their superhero shows, this is further great news. And the stunningly attractive and badass Ruby — former Australian model, actress, and television presenter who is literally painted in tattoos — is an awesome casting choice. (You saw her in The Meg, yes? The shark wisely chose to swim in the opposite direction of her.)

Ruby Rose

While we wait impatiently for Ruby to turn criminals into prison fertilizer, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not be as cool as the new Batgirl

Aliens At The Pentagon

ALIENS AT THE PENTAGON (available now)
“For years the US government denied investigating UFOs. But when an ultra-secret Pentagon program to study the Alien threat was exposed in late 2017, the world was stunned by this revelation. Nick Pope, aka ‘The Real Fox Mulder’, investigated UFOs and other unexplained phenomena for the British government. Now Nick exposes the secretive workings of the Pentagon’s real-life X-Files unit, using his knowledge and past experience to tell the incredible story as only a true government insider can.”

If you’re a fan of UFO documentaries like, um, me, then you’ll no doubt want to rent this one. But don’t buy it if you’re planning on being abducted by aliens in the near future. I’m still waiting.

Haunted

HAUNTED (October 19, 2018/Netflix™)
Netflix’s™ Haunted gives a chilling glimpse into the first-person accounts from people who have witnessed horrifying, peculiar, extraordinary supernatural events and other unexplained phenomena that continue to haunt them.”

The only horrifying event I’ve ever witnessed is the bar I’m in closing at 2AM. I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it. Then again, maybe it’s all that beer that’s giving me the trembles.

Godzilla: The Planet Eater

GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER (November 9, 2018/Japan | Netflix™ 2019)
“Last year, Toho and Polygon kicked off an animated trilogy with Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, which continued this year with Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle (now on Netflix™). The trilogy ends with Godzilla: The Planet Eater.”

Awesome title. And it suits Godzilla Earth perfectly as he can be seen in the previous two animated features biting into mountains as if they were Hostess Cupcakes™. So if he eats a planet for dinner, what might be a good side dish — a jungle salad, perhaps?

Pet Sematary

PET SEMATARY (April 5, 2019)
“Based on the seminal horror novel by Stephen King, Pet Sematary follows Dr. Louis Creed, who, after relocating with his wife Rachel and their two young children from Boston to rural Maine, discovers a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near the family’s new home. When tragedy strikes, Louis turns to his unusual neighbor, Jud Crandall, setting off a perilous chain reaction that unleashes an unfathomable evil with horrific consequences.”

If you saw the original adaptation (1989), it was pretty dang excellent, even if it was a spin on the Monkey’s Paw back-from-the-dead gut-punch. I don’t care as the trailer for the new one looks to continue the thrills, chills and doctor bills.

Dream Guardian

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master

In A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master (1988), several survivors of supernatural killer Freddy Krueger’s last death rodeo got out of Westin Hills Hospital and are attending high school like normal teens with severe social issues.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master

Kristen, one of the made-it-out-alive’rs, is starting to have bad dreams again, starring the Frank Sinatra of Slash. Freddy’s back to sever ties with his former friends, and pops up after a dog pees on his buried bones. There’s a joke in there somewhere.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master

Sir Krueger later makes the rounds via a naked chick inside a possessed waterbed (you’d think that’d be dumb, but it actually isn’t) and a Roach Motel™ (one of the funnier sequences).

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master

Kristen is the last child of Elm Street — and Freddy, gorging on gleeful killings, needs her to find more kids for him to kill. Hey, a job is a job in this economy. Kristen invokes her New Age friend Alice by screaming (yeah, made sense to me, too), and now Alice, using the previously invoked Dream Master spell, takes Freddy down (yeah, made sense to me, too).

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: Dream Master

Turns out Alice is the Guardian of Good Dreams (gimme a break) and is the ONLY ONE who can release the tortured souls of Freddy’s victims. Either I got lost in the middle of this mess, or the movie writers did. At least Freddy was fun to watch dispatch teenagers. It’s always nice to see someone enjoy what they do for a living.

Cute Cyborgs, Christmas Carnage, Ghosts Aplenty

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

Hard to believe it’s been 25 years/countless slaughtered teens ago that Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (August 13, 1993) splattered across movies screens and into our hearts. And what a better way to commemorate that non-recognized postal holiday than with a documentary about it.

The Dark Heart of Jason Voorhees

From the press release: “The film will be giving viewers a never-before-seen in-depth look at the most infamous Jason film of all time. Through interviews and behind the scenes details, you will understand the unique landscape the series was in at the time, having just changed studios and already being on the road to the eventual Freddy vs Jason (August 13, 2003) film which wouldn’t see release for another 8 years. And you will see genre greats, both who were in the film and not, weigh in on Jason’s journey to hell.”

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

Sounds like a big bowl of warm ice cream for the eyes. No official word on when this thing is supposed to premier, but a fair guess would be soon-ish-esque. So while we wait for it like we have to go to the bathroom really bad, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make your bladder splatter…

The Keeping Hours

THE KEEPING HOURS (available now)
“Mark, a successful attorney, returns to his old house after the tenants skipped out on rent. While there he experiences a supernatural event that forces him to reach out to his ex-wife. Ten years after their son’s death, a ghost will help reunite the estranged couple and deliver a message of life or death.”

Geez, they all but tell you who the ghost is. Why don’t the filmmakers just tell me what I’m getting for Christmas — and there better be twelve of ‘em, if you catch my drift.

Diane

DIANE (September 17, 2018)
“Steve’s lingering physical and emotional scars from the war in Afghanistan plunge him into a soulless routine. He continues his drab existence until the corpse of a beautiful singer, Diane, is dumped in his backyard, shaking him back to reality. Steve takes a photo of her before calling the police and soon he becomes obsessed with the dead woman’s image. Steve is scrutinized by the police, becoming the prime suspect hassled by Diane’s widower, and attacked by self-righteous neighbors. Before long, the malevolent ghost of Diane begins to work a dark spell that leads Steve to strange and startling revelations.”

Caught someone dumping an old couch in the alley behind my apartment. Better that than a corpse. But still, you can’t toss it in Elliott Bay? It’s deep enough to hold 10,000 old couches. (FYI: If you see one bobbing around with a KISS sticker on it, I may or may not know who it belongs to. Ahem.)

Mrs. ClausMRS. CLAUS (November 13, 2018)
“A group of college students attending a Christmas party at a sorority house that has a sinister past are stalked by a bloodthirsty killer disguised as Mrs. Claus.”

After living in Santa’s fat shadow for all these years, it’s nice to see Mrs. Claus finally get her day in the sun, even if it is an impostor posing as her.

Alita: Battle Angel

ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL (December 21, 2018)
“This is a science fiction movie about a robot called Alita. Set several centuries in the future, the abandoned Alita is found in the scrapyard of Iron City by Ido, a compassionate cyber-doctor who takes the unconscious cyborg Alita to his clinic. When Alita awakens, she has no memory of who she is, nor does she have any recognition of the world she finds herself in. As Alita learns to navigate her new life and the treacherous streets of Iron City, Ido tries to shield her from her mysterious past.”

The future is so advanced, now they have homeless robots. Looks like some things will never change.

Evil Music, Headless Sex, Bad To The Drone

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Dead – A Nightmare Reimagined

Remember when the only way to summon evil was to play heavy metal vinyl albums backwards? Now you can do it with the Evil Dead – A Nightmare Reimagined two-album vinyl set. And at $35 smackos, it’d be a bargain at twice the price.

Evil Dead – A Nightmare Reimagined

So Joe LoDuca, the guy who did the soundtrack for The Evil Dead movies, re-recorded the original score and even wrote (or “composed”) a bunch of all new music as well. What a swell guy! And hey, with cover art by Graham Humphreys, the 180 gram vinyl comes in a variety of demon-spewed colors: green, yellow, and purple swirl with red splatter effect. Now there’s something to shout at your shoes over. Lest I forget, there’s an included Necronomicon booklet with liner notes from composer Joe LoDuca, producer Robert Tapert and Evil Dead icon himself, Bruce Campbell (aka, Ash).

After you click HERE to buy it, here are a few just released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not have you doing the technicolor yawn…

2036 - Origin Unknown

2036 ORIGIN UNKNOWN (available now)
“After the first manned mission to Mars ends in a deadly crash, mission controller Mackenzie ‘Mack’ Wilson assists an artificial intelligence system, A.R.T.I. Their investigation uncovers a mysterious object under the surface of Mars, that could change the future of our planet as we know it.”

Always up for a good Mars mystery. I’m thinkin’, though, the “mysterious object” under the surface of Mars is probably an extraterrestrial rave club, with glow sticks, aliens dancing stupidly and music that sounds like a clogged space vacuum cleaner.

Marlina The Murderer In Four Acts

MARLINA THE MURDERER IN FOUR ACTS (June 22, 2018)
Marlina is a grieving woman, hard at work all year long to save enough money for the traditional Sumba burial of her late husband; who now sits as a mummy in the living room. Markus knocks on her door and informs her that his gang intends to rob her in half an hour; a promise well kept. Marlina poisons the robbers and seduces Markus. During sex, she beheads him and starts a journey with Markus’ bloodied head inside a plastic bag. She embarks on a journey of redemption and empowerment, but the ghost of one of the men she killed returns to haunt her.”

Cutting off someone’s head while you’re having sex with them? I’m pretty sure there are less violent forms of birth control.

Hover

HOVER (June 29, 2018)
“In the near future, environmental strain causes food shortages around the world. Technology provides a narrow path forward, with agricultural drones maximizing the yield from what land remains. Two compassionate caregivers, Claudia and John, work to help sick farmland inhabitants end their lives. When John dies under mysterious circumstances, the locals help Claudia uncover a deadly connection between the health of her clients and the technology that they are using.”

I watched the trailer; A.I. drones flying around and doing the whole electronic peeping tom thing. As laughable as this is, I get the feeling it’s already happening. Better start using the bathroom indoors from here on out.

Detective Dee: The Four Heavenly Kings

DETECTIVE DEE: THE FOUR HEAVENLY KINGS (July 26, 2018/China)
Accused of wrongdoing by Empress Wu, Detective Dee faces a formidable foe while investigating a crime wave that’s marked by strange and seemingly supernatural occurrences.

If you haven’t seen any of the Detective Dee movies (Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame/2010 and Young Detective Dee: Rise of the Sea Dragon/2013), then you’re depriving yourself of crazy wild fantasy visuals that make you rethink reality. You’ll need a seatbelt for your mind.

Pervert Ghost

Posted in Ghosts, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

An American Haunting

An American Haunting (2005) is based on the FACTUALLY DOCUMENTED Bell Witch saga in witch, uh, which a ghost of a freshness-expired parishioner of the black arts torments a Tennessee family in 1817. Off to a good start.

An American Haunting

The Bell family daughter is visited nightly by an unseen force that rips at her nightshirt and blankets and throws her around the room as if an empty beer can. Her screams are making it tough for anyone else to get some rest.

An American Haunting

This goes on and on until the Bells invite a preacher over for dinner and the holy moly man sees for himself the demonic transactions. Through flashbacks we see glimpses of things that in the end add up to something worse than a ghost, who everybody believes is the totally upset spirit of a neighbor John Bell (the dad) swindled out of a land business deal. If only it was that easily explained.

An American Haunting

Deviating from the FACTUALLY DOCUMENTED Bell Witch story, the conclusion, while steeped in the supernatural, reveals that John Bell had a hankerin’ for his nubile young daughter and made unwanted midnight visits to her room. Ugly subject matter made worse by disguising it as a ghost story.

An American Haunting

The real Bell Witch isn’t gonna like this one bit.