Archive for Spain

UFOs, Nightmares, Fog Monsters, Bigfoot

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Unacknowledged

Watched YET ANOTHER Bigfoot documentary (I’ve pretty much seen ‘em all) and one “expert” (he’s not, I am) claims that there’s thousands of the highly marketable cryptid. Gonna have to call baloney puckey on that one. Do the math — there’s only ONE true Bigfoot. But hey, where did he come from? Wouldn’t he have had parents? What about a grandma who sends him a new sweater every Christmas? Those and many more questions will be answered when Bigfoot says so, not some dumbass “expert.” Uh, oh — I think I just called myself a dumbass. Oh well — not the first time.

Anyway, more mysterious horror/sci-fi topics being addressed in these upcoming films, of which I’m probably an expert at. Ahem.

UNACKNOWLEDGED (May 9, 2017/iTunes™)
Unacknowledged focuses on the historic files of the Disclosure Project and how UFO secrecy has been ruthlessly enforced — and why. The best evidence for extraterrestrial contact, dating back decades, is presented with direct top-secret witness testimony, documents and UFO footage, 80% of which has never been revealed anywhere else.”

About flippin’ time. UFOs are real and everybody knows it. Getting them to admit it, on film even, is the tough part. Unacknowledged is headed up by Dr. Steven Greer, a guy who put his reputation on the line by going up against the government and petitioning them to come clean with the E.T. goods. I’d go to him for medical/conspiracy services. Heck, when you think about, he’s probably really good at proctology. Don’t make me explain this.

Backwood Madness

BACKWOOD MADNESS (2017)
Backwood Madness is a horror fantasy movie that bustles with trolls and goblins. Situated during the second World War, it tells a story about a conflict between men and creatures of the forest. The main character is struggling with his own mysterious past that is taking events towards the inevitable collision with destiny.”

Haven’t seen a good troll since Troll Hunter (2010), so puttin’ this on my “to do” list taped to the kitchen mop (that’s on the “to-do”list as well). And with the addition of goblins, maybe Hollywood can make up for those goblins in the steaming pile of fantasy mess that was Legend (1985).

Flesh of the Void

FLESH OF THE VOID (2017)
“The film was shot almost entirely on expired Super 8 film from the ’80s, and is intended as a trip through the deepest fears of human beings, exploring its subject in a highly grotesque, violent and extreme manner. It’s 80 minutes of pure Hell, playing out like a non linear, psychedelic nightmare.”

This on sounds both icky and must-see at the same time. Kinda like watching an octopus attack on a ocean-wading tourist in a loud shirt drinking a margarita. And the words “highly grotesque” and “psychedelic nightmare” go together like “octopus” and “tourist with a loud shirt and margarita.”

Marrowbone

EL SECRETO DE MARROWBONE (October 27, 2017/Spain)
“A young man and his four younger siblings, who have kept secret the death of their beloved mother in order to remain together, are plagued by a sinister presence in the sprawling manor in which they live.”

Theorized (and probably right) spoiler: It’s their baby-sitter who never got paid for watching the brats.

The Mist

THE MIST (2017/Netflix™)
“After an eerie mist rolls into a small town, the residents must battle the mysterious mist and its threats, fighting to maintain morality and sanity.”

This, of course, is the TV series version of the not-too-shabby 2007 movie of the same name, based on one of Stephen King’s better sessions at the typewriter. It’s not a spoiler to casually mention there are mutated creatures that live in the mist or “fog.” I like the idea of a TV series as it will flesh out that angle and maybe show us how the military opened another dimension and let the bed bugs in. I’ll be taking notes.

When Godzilla Became Frankenstein

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Weird Show

Super duper annoying when (and I use the term loosely) people mistakenly – to this franken day – think Frankenstein is the monster instead of Dr. Victor Frankenstein, the guy who puzzled together the monster from scrap corpse parts. And while the brute doesn’t have a proper title other than “the monster,” you get the misnomer; the name “Frankenstein” is pretty dang classic, right up there with iconic nom de plumes names like “Godzilla,” “Dracula” and “Lord Voldemort.”

No surprise the GermansFrankenstein’s kin — regularly slapped the popular “monster” name on imported horror advertising art to help sell movie tickets, even though Frank wasn’t so much as in the credits. (Did Frankenstein or his heirs get paid for this unlicensed usage? Hölle nein!)

Frankenstein und die Ungeheuer as dem Meer

An example of this is Ebirah, Horror From the Deep, aka, Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster (1966). Initial German ad art had the movie titled, Frankenstein und die Ungeheuer dem Meer (or, Frankenstein and the Beast from the Sea). And while the advertising depicts Godzilla (what – no promo headshot?), they didn’t want to gamble the movie’s box office on a name that’s only been around for a few relative years, whereas Frankenstein was globally established and universally recognized since 1931. In that context, it makes sense.

Frankenstein Conquers The World / Frankenstein meets the Space Monster

Frankenstein’s good name has been co-opted/dragged through the mud over the years for this very same reason. But think about it – would you rather take your queasy vehicle to Bob’s Car Care or Frankenstein’s Complete Auto Restoration? I rest my case.

King Kong: Frankenstein's Sohn / Guila, Frankenstein's Teufelsei

Gasp in awe at the misbranded examples above, including King Kong: Frankenstein’s Son (aka, King Kong Escapes/1962) that’ll leave you staunen (“stunned” for all you Bob’s Car Care types).

Santo and Frankenstein

P.S. Only Spain’s Santo Contra La Hija De Frankestein (aka, Santo Against Daughter Frankenstein/1972) and Santo y Blue Demon Contra el Dr. Frankestein (aka, Santo and Blue Demon Against Dr. Frankenstein/1974) got it at least medically correct even though they couldn’t spell Frank’s name right on the advertising.

The Pain In Spain Falls Mainly On My Brain

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Para Elisa

The Spanish horror film Para Elisa came out in 2013, but it’s not until now (2015, if memory serves me correct) that it’ll be available on DVD and VOD September 1. Since I don’t live in Spain or anywhere on its bus line, never got to see it. Dang que. (That’s Spanish for “dang it.”)

Not too heartbroken, though, as I’m not a big fan of sub-titled horror movies. You spend the whole movie reading when you should be screaming. [Note to whomsoever: I don’t really scream during horror movies. I’ve been known to snore, though.]

Here’s a refresher on Para Elisa in case you forgot: “Desperate for some post-graduation cash, party girl Ana answers a babysitting ad. She arrives for an interview at the elegant home of Diamantina, a former child prodigy pianist who is now an eccentric old woman who collects antique toys and dolls.”

Para Elisa

“Ana is disturbed by Diamantina’s odd behavior and horrified to discover that her child, Elisa, is not a child but rather a deranged woman her own age. Before Ana really understands what’s happening, she finds herself trapped in the house and made to serve as Elisa’s new toy – a toy that like many others before it may well be broken.”

Need more convincing? Check out the trailer – and bring your reading glasses.

P.S. “Para Elisa” is actually a song by Beethoven and translates to “For Elisa.” Nice to see 11 years of internet Spanish lessons haven’t let me down.

Be Witched

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Salem

The rich tapestry of witches seems to have taken root these days, fueled possibly by the success of the TV series Salem (2014), an annoyingly hard-to-follow depiction of fevered witch paranoia life in stinky Massachusetts in the late 1600s. (If your neighbor thought you to be in league with Big D, you were proved it merely by hearsay in a court of law and burned alive in the public square, the colonial version of a tailgate party.

The Lords of Salem

Rock dude/horror filmmaker Rob Zombie even tried his hand at some lovin’ from the coven in 2013 with the The Lords of Salem. (I’m generally a fan of Zombie’s music and film work, but that thing is outright laughable and does great disservice to our witchy women.)

The Last Witch Hunter

Regardless, the market fire burns hot for Wiccans and their vibrant community. Vin Diesel (Riddick himself!) is set to release The Last Witch Hunter (2015), followed by The Witch (2016), a period horror piece that promises some wicked wickedness.

The Witch

Here’s what The Witch is conjuring (heh): “Evil takes many forms in this vintage horror thriller set in New England in the 1600s about a family and their suddenly missing children.”

The Witch

Okay, not a lot to go on. But the trailer is a tasty appetizer. And early reviews gush that The Witch “blends The Crucible, The Shining and The Exorcist in a frightening New England folktale.”

Wiccapedia: A Modern Day White Witch's Guide

You can find more information about witches in Wiccapedia: A Modern-Day White Witch’s Guide (2011), written by “spiritual life coaches” and celebrity witches Shawn Robbins and Leanna Greenaway. If those aren’t kick ass credentials, then you’re likely a non-believer. I fear for your very soul.

Witching & Bitching

P.S. For a really fun/funny/f’d up witch movie, check out Spain-made Witching & Bitching (2013). The first 15 minutes alone will put a spell on you (heh).

Spanish Zombie Apocalypse

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

Been an enthusiastic fan of the [REC] Spanish zombie horror series, beginning on a stormy afternoon in 2007 (the seas were rough that day), and continuing with [REC] 2 in 2009, the impressive sequel involving the military coming in to see what all the face-eating fuss is about in that ill-fated apartment building. (You did see the first one and know what I’m yapping about, yes?)

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

Then came the inevitable cash-in/pointless [REC] 3: Genesis (2012), in which a wedding is crashed by face-eaters/well-wishers (taking place before, during and after the original outbreak that turned everybody into face-eaters/well-wishers).

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

Now comes [REC] 4: Apocalypse, first yapped about on this here barf blog on May 9, 2013 at 2:55PM. In that post I included the movie’s synopsis. Here it is again, practically word-for-word. I could’ve gussied it up, but crap, I’m really hungover today…

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

Angela Vidal wakes up in a high-security quarantine facility, sole survivor and witness to the horrific events inside the building. But does she remember what happened to her? Is she carrying a virus? Distrust spreads through the isolated facility while new, even more deadly forms of evil spread even faster.”

[REC] 4: Apocalypse

[REC] 4: Apocalypse FINALLY gets a release date in Spain this Halloween/2014. (Note to travel agents: [REC] was filmed in Barcelona with a budget of two million dollars. It made 32 million at the world box office. That’s a good return on your Euros.

It’s been bandied about that [REC] 4: Apocalypse is to be the final installment of the surprise hit zombie franchise. Good – that means I can star in the U.S. knock-off – [REC] 4.1: Death Hangover. I’ll be in full character.

A Traveling Sales Werewolf

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 30, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Romasanta

In the mid 1800s the countryside of Spain was plagued by unusual murders and wolf attacks. My first of three conclusive thoughts was, “Wolves are mugging people, no doubt.”

But the wolfiness going on was merely a by-product of the murders, wherein the wolves would eat the remains and make the cops think the dead people were made that way by the hungry animals.

But one detective noticed hidden within the mangled flesh areas were very precise surgical incisions. Since there was nary a hairy enrolled in medical school, the crimes were obviously committed by a human. (My second conclusive thought placed the blame squarely on Jack The Ripper. Apparently, it was not him, dang it.)

Romasanta

Enter Romasanta, a traveling soap salesman who makes his product out of human body fat. Ick. Since this was the stinky 1800s and bathing was done on special occasions (like the changing of the seasons), his soap was in demand. After he seduces a rippingly hot supermodel (bath tub scene – great rewind material), she discovers he killed her sisters and was more than likely using their soapy butt fat to wash herself. Eeww! So she tells the police and a manhunt ensues.

Romasanta

While the wolf/werewolf attacks are PG graphic, it’s the scene of the fat and naked guy running through the woods with his Willy Wonka flapping around the way a chubby snake does when it sticks its head out the window of a car speeding down the freeway that’s the most unsettling.

Romasanta

Romasanta is tried in court and he tells them he couldn’t help killing 15 people because he’s a werewolf. His attorney successfully gets him off the hook under the “bonkers” defense strategy. I need this guy’s number.

Romasanta

While Romasanta doesn’t morph into a werewolf in a silly fur coat, they do show him changing into a human from a real wolf form. I felt this was pretty neat.

Romasanta

A few problems, however: Romasanta did not have an accent befitting someone from Spain. Nor did the cops. Nor did the wolves, which didn’t sound the least bit Spanish when they howled (example: “El Barko! El Barko!”). My last conclusive thought was that Romasanta (2004), which was based on a true story (Werewolf of Allariz, 1853), could’ve used more soap bubbles.