Archive for the Sharks Category

Italian Sharks

Posted in Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark In Venice

In the highly believable-ish Sharks in Venice (aka, Shark in Venice/2008), David’s archaeologist dad was diving under Italy’s famous waterlogged city, looking for the fabled Medici treasure, when he was attacked by a great white shark. This resulted in him not being an archaeologist. David and his girlfriend go to Venice to find his missing dad. (Hey, David — start with the shark’s litter box and go from there.)

Shark in Venice

Criminals are also in search of the fabled Medici treasure, which is hidden somewhere under the permanent high tide that surrounds Venice. They’ve already lost a member or two of their organization to the sharks. I bet they tasted gamey.

Shark in Venice

David goes diving for clues as to his dad’s last moments, and ends up being attacked by a shark of all things. He survives a shoulder bite and in the process, finds the treasure. Criminal logic dictates that by kidnapping David’s chick, they can force him to lead them to the booty. The Venetian polizia have been trying to bust those mean criminals, and move in.

Shark in Venice

Some weak fist fights and motorcycle chases eat up time until the sharks get their moment to chow down on tourists or “foreign food.” The swimming mouths are not shown chewing into human swimsuits, but there is a lot of splashing and red stuff, maybe in the water. As this takes place in Italy, I presume it to be some sort of tangy tomato sauce, used in a wide variety of pasta dishes and for bread dipping.

Shark in Venice

So how did great white sharks end up in Venice? Expedia.com™ was running a promotional travel sale that week.

Printed Splatter, Foreign Demons, Immortal Daycare

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Sharks, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ad Nauseam: Newsprint Nightmares from the 1980s

Before there were iPads™ and “smart tablets,” you got your news and non-porn ads from newspapers. Those things were cool — lots of pictures, tons of useless information and you never had to plug it in or recharge it. It was in those newspapers that movie companies placed ads. And in the ’80s, you got gore and slasher movie ads, which were an art form unto themselves.

Ad Nauseam: Newsprint Nightmares from the 1980s

Author/horror movie expert Michael Gingold (Fangoria, Rue Morgue, Birth.Movies.Death, Time Out New York, Scream, The FrightFest Guide to Monster Movies, Shark Movie Mania), has a new book coming out October 9, 2018 called Ad Nauseam: Newsprint Nightmares from the 1980s, a compilation of all those luridly glorious horror movie/TV ads. And even more frightening is the price: $34.95. In 1980s money, that’s worth the price of nearly 140 newspapers. That’s some serious fire hazard buying power.

Ad Nauseam: Newsprint Nightmares from the 1980s

I’m thinkin’ that the reprinted horror movie ads are all black and white, which gives ‘em a grindhouse-y aesthetic. The book might have a few color ads, though, (I’m hoping to see The Evil Dead/1981 ads in full blood-esque color).

Ad Nauseam: Newsprint Nightmares from the 1980s

While we impatiently wait for October (why won’t my homemade time tunnel work? I put new double AA batteries in it…), here are a few upcoming horror movies/TV series that may or may not be worth cutting out of a newspaper or downloaded onto your maxi-iPad™…

Wellington Paranormal

WELLINGTON PARANORMAL (July 11, 2018/New Zealand)
“The new mockumentary series follows officers Minogue and O’Leary as a pair of paranormal cops focused not just on vampires this time. New Zealand’s capital is a hotbed of supernatural activity, so Officers Minogue and O’Leary take to the streets to investigate all manner of paranormal phenomena including ghosts, demonic possession and werewolves.”

This is the TV series sequel to the incredibly hilarious What We Do In The Shadows (2014) vampire movie, and will premier July 11, 2018 on New Zealand channel TVNZ. My antennae doesn’t reach that far. Word around the antennae store, though, is the follow-up movie is tentatively titled, We’re Wolves. Flippin’ genius.

Open 24 Hours

OPEN 24 HOURS (2018)
“Mary knew her boyfriend James was the Rain Ripper serial killer. But she felt powerless to act until he forced her to watch another victim being slaughtered before her eyes — and then she set him on fire. On parole from prison despite everyone thinking she was guilty by proxy, and on medication to control her paranoid hallucinations, Mary gets a graveyard shift job at the remote Deer gas station. Then the killings begin. Is what’s happening real? Are they just blood-soaked delusions? Or does she really like to watch people murdered as her ex always intimated?”

Rain Ripper seems like a dumb name for a serial killer. And since when does a pyromaniac get a job at a gas station? That’s like me going to work for Anheuser-Busch. (Note to AB — I totally promise to stay drunk on the job, as I am a company man, through and through.)

The Witch in the Window

THE WITCH IN THE WINDOW (2018/2019/Shudder™)
“A separated father Simon and his estranged twelve-year-old son, Finn, head to Vermont to repair an old farmhouse and encounter the malicious spirit of a previous owner, an infamously cruel woman named Lydia. With every repair Simon makes, he’s also making her spirit stronger…until a terrifying encounter leaves him doubting whether he can protect his son from the evil that’s making its way into their heads and hearts.”

“Infamously cruel.” That’s some serious street cred. Looks good on a resume, though, especially when applying to work for Yelp™.

NOS4A2

NOS4A2 (2019/AMC)
“A young female artist named Vic McQueen discovers she has a supernatural connection with Charlie Manx, a seemingly immortal man who feeds off the souls of children and deposits their remains in a twisted holiday village known as Christmasland. Vic sets out to defeat Manx and rescue his victims while keeping her sanity intact.”

This one’s gonna be a TV series (whoohoo — binge time!) on AMC, and is based on the same named 2013 book by Joe Hill, Stephen King’s son. I can see why he didn’t take his dad’s last name — then he’d be “Joe King/Joking”. Heh.

Vengeful Sharks

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 29, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jaws: The Revenge

After Jaws’ Ellen Brody lost her husband (Roy Scheider, aka Chief Brody — sheriff, father, exploder of Carcharodon carcharias) due to a heart attack brought on by a fear of sharks (seriously?), she loses one of her sons to another attitude-y shark.

Jaws: The Revenge

So she goes to the Bahamas with her last expendable offspring. You know what’s in the Bahamas? WATER. And you know what sharks use to get around? WATER.

Jaws: The RevengeThe same shark that scared her husband to death (stilling rolling eyes) and ate one of her sons has followed her to the popular vacation destination in Jaws: The Revenge (1987) to finish his meal. (And I thought King Kong Lives/1986 was a stretch.)

Jaws: The Revenge

Since the previous movie sharks were all blown up, one can logically assume this is a stunt shark, just in it for the money. It would’ve been better off caught in a Japanese trawling net. But call me an optimist — I’m still waiting for Jaws V. Still. 

Artful Sharks, Truth-Telling Ouija Boards, Life + Death Stuff

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Meg

Two more new key art designs for the super-sized mega-gigantic extra-large shark movie, The Meg, due out August 10, 2018. (It’ll be on the Imax™ screen — I just made Christmas happen in my pants.)

The Meg

Can’t wait to see this one, although I have friends who absolutely refuse to see it. I don’t know what’s more confusing — that I have friends or why would anyone NOT want to see the biggest shark ever eat submarines like Tootsie Rolls™? I guess sometimes your not supposed to know all of life’s answers. Leave that to Ouija boards.

While I unwrap my pants and head to the laundromat, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be as unholy delicious as Tootsie Rolls™…

Ouija Seance: The Final Game

OUIJA SEANCE: THE FINAL GAME (July 3, 2018)
Sarah and her friends decide to spend the weekend at an old villa Sarah mysteriously inherited. After finding a Ouija board in the attic, Sarah and her friends unknowingly awaken an evil force connected to the villa’s hidden secrets. To fight the unimaginable horror they will have to face their darkest fears and worst nightmares.”

There’s really no way to come up with a new plot for anything involving a Ouija board and teens. That said, last time I used a Ouija board, it spelled out “dumbass” — and I was the only one playing it! Demonic entities can be so cold.

Dead Night

DEAD NIGHT (July 27, 2018)
James and his wife Casey load up their two teenage kids and head out to a remote cabin in Oregon for a weekend trip. When James heads into the snowy forest in search of firewood, he encounters an enigmatic woman passed out in the snow. Bringing her back to the cabin for help, the family has no way of knowing that the woman’s presence is the catalyst for a series of events that will change their lives forever.”

The so-called “enigmatic woman” was quite likely Bigfoot’s Tinder™ hook-up; she probably got lost on the way to BF’s party pad because, hey woods! P.S. I didn’t know James was married with kids. WTF?

Blood Fest

BLOOD FEST (August 31, 2018)
“Fans flock to a festival celebrating the most iconic horror movies, only to discover that the charismatic showman behind the event has a diabolical agenda. As festival attendees start dying off, three teenagers — more schooled in horror-film cliches than practical knowledge — must band together and battle through various madmen and monstrosities to survive.”

Right up my old address. The plot is pretty dang coolio and I would like to participate as I scored the top four spots on an online horror trivia game. Only missed one question: What is the name of Frankenstein’s monster’s creator? (I typed in: “Dracula.” Once again, the Ouija board was right.)

Memento Mori

MEMENTO MORI (2018)
“A teenager girl’s life seems perfect: beautiful, popular, rich. Yet she has a dark secret which is revealed during a pool party, where a violent incident happens that will end with her in a coma.”

In case your Latin is as rusty as your bedsprings, Memento Mori means “Remember you will die.” (And here all this time I thought it translated to “order another beer.”) The title’s been used twice before — once in 1999 (a Japanese “horror” film) and again in 2016, where a boy “dies” on a tattoo parlor table. Odd place for a proctology exam. Seems that’d be more painful as deemed necessary.

Dinosaur Food, Multi-Headed Sharks, Post-Apocalyptic Criminals

Posted in Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dino Food

Gotta hand it to film marketers — Universal™ teamed up with Kellogg Co.™ (the folks behind such nutritiously sugarized cereal like Honey Smacks™,  Kellogg’s Smorz™ and Kream Krunch™) to cross promote Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (June 22, 2019) by putting a dinosaur on the box cover as well as (here comes the genius part) an embedded digital screen that offers Jurassic fans an exclusive five-minute compilation of behind-the-scenes footage from the making of the movie. 

From the press release: “The collector’s editions of the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom packages will cost $24.99 each (plus shipping). Quantities are very, very limited: Kellogg has produced a total of only 200 boxes. The Kellogg’s packages with the embedded digital screens and Jurassic World-themed packaging are available for purchase on Amazon.com.”

Dino Food

“The videos in the embedded digital player will include clips showing how the filmmakers brought the Jurassic World dinosaurs to life and how they used a roller coaster to capture the actors’ reactions when they’re in the Jurassic World gyrosphere. The special packages have a 7-inch screen with 1024-by-600 resolution. The special Frosted Flakes™ package features Blue, the intelligent female velociraptor from the new movie, while the Keebler Fudge Stripes™ box showcases a T-rex.”

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

That is so cool, I can’t even think of a better word to describe it, except that the Keebler™ box isn’t the only thing that’ll end up with a fudge stripe on it. So while I go in search of the cereal (it should come with Jurassic World moist towelette coupons), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that, like a T-rex, may or may not be your first choice for first meal of the day…

The Domestics

THE DOMESTICS (June 28, 2018)
“A post-apocalyptic world is inhabited by murderous gangs divided into deadly factions. Characters race desperately across the lawless countryside in search of safety.”

Sounds like my weekly grocery run. And why is it murderous gangs are always the ones running the post-apocalyptic world? What happened to all the bartenders?

6-Headed Shark Attack

6-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (August 28, 2018)
“Attendees of a marriage boot camp on a remote island have to fight a six-headed shark that attacks the beach.”

If you’re attending a marriage boot camp, then you deserve to get chewed out by a six-headed shark. Hate to be the one who cleans up after its meals, though; I’d need a front-loader.

Megalodon

MEGALODON (August 31, 2018)
“A military vessel is on the search for an unidentified submersible and comes face to face with the massive shark known as Megalodon.”

One guess as to who is ripping off The Meg (August 10, 2018) to ride its box office wave. The film studio name rhymes with “Ass I Am.”

Boarding School

BOARDING SCHOOL (August 31, 2018)
“When troubled 12-year-old Jacob Felsen is sent away to boarding school, he enters every kid’s worst nightmare: A creepy old mansion, deserted except for six other teenage misfits and two menacing and mysterious teachers. As events become increasingly horrific, Jacob must conquer his fears to find the strength to survive.”

Used to be running willy nilly through a creepy, deserted mansion would be the stuff of dreams to a 12-year-old kid. Nowadays, if there isn’t a wi-fi connection, a kid isn’t gonna give you the time of day. No apps for giving a f*ck, I suppose.

Shark Glasses, Dark Web, Horror Rock

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark Week

If you wanna watch Discovery Channel’sShark Week’s 30th Anniversary in style, you’ll need the awesomely awesome Shark Week sunglasses, which at $35.00 will take a sizable bite out of your wallet.

Shark Week

Launching July 22, 2018, Shark Week (which began in 1988) is set to score mouthfuls of ratings. Even cooler is that $5 of the branded sunglasses profit goes to Oceana™, the “leading international conservation organization focused on protecting and restoring the world’s oceans.” Kinda makes you think: how does one protect the world’s oceans — with squirt guns?”

Shark Week

More Shark Week sunglasses info from the press release: “Built on Knockaround’s™ durable and high-quality Fort Knocks frame style, the 2018 Shark Week sunglasses feature a translucent breakwater blue frame with Great White jaw graphics, silver hardware, and polarized predator red lenses. Every pair comes with a shark tooth microfiber protective pouch and Shark Week 30th anniversary commemorative packaging.”

Shark Week

Red lenses? That sounds groovy, especially when using ‘em to watch sharks tear through bloody seal/surfer carcasses. Talk about smearing frosting all over the cake!

While I go stand on the corner and beg for bit coins in order to buy this must-have eye-wear, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may require red-lensed sunglasses to watch…

Triptychon of Fear

TRIPTYCHON OF FEAR (July 13, 2018/region-free)
Triptychon of Fear is a trio of gloomy and horrifying stories from Grindhouse Entertainment, the twisted minds behind the Ghouls Night Out trilogy, Isolation, and Snuff Tape anthology. The three episodes, running a combined 91 minutes, will be available for sale on July 13, 3028 at all German wholesalers and abroad.”

A trilogy, eh? Good things come in threes. So do bad things. But this is horror, so if bad ain’t happening to you, let’s put this in the goody column.

Unfriended: Dark Web

UNFRIENDED: DARK WEB (JULY 20, 2018)
“When a 20-something finds a cache of hidden files on his new laptop, he is thrust into the deep waters of the dark web.”

More teen social media horror, which is not my wheelhouse. That I’m even doing a public blog violates my personal standards and practices of making my privates public. Ironically, someone will have to Tweet a review that I’ll read as there are no plans in my e-less future to watch it.

Dead Envy

DEAD ENVY (2018)
“Aging rock artist David Tangier’s sense of identity is all but destroyed as he works cutting hair to provide a comfortable life for himself and his wife. His sound and age bind him to the Rock of the 2000’s, where his band Katatonic Spin once ruled the scene. David cannot tolerate that his entire existence has fallen prey to the persona of “the has been.”

It’s said that Dead Envy is a musical. Strike one. The plot also borrows heavily from The Hand (1981). Strike two. I’ll know if it’s a strike-out after watching it.

The Scarlet Vultures

THE SCARLET VULTURES (2018)
“A young woman discovers that she has a special ingredient that elicits a state of euphoria in its consumers, but not everyone is so special.”

There are so many jokes I could insensitively blurt out, but I don’t want a woman and/or women to beat me up.

9 Years of Parade-Worthy Horror

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Horror Questions

Today is the nine-year anniversary of my very first posting on WordPress™. After I upload this, I’m going outside to wait for my parade. There’s sure to be tens, maybe dozens, of people showing up, so I better get there early to get a good viewing spot. Okay, that made no sense at all.

Thriftway

That said, over the years and in line at the grocery hole (Thriftway™ — more expensive than Safeway™, but easier to get to), I’ve been asked a least one million billion questions about myself and this here Drinkin’ & Drive-in blog. Figured it was about time to put it on the glass so everyone who reads this thing (thank you) can finally get some closure.

Horror

“How long have you been doing the Drinkin’ & Drive-in blog and how did you get started?”
I was hired by Microsoft (aka, MSNEntertainment.com) back in 1997 to do a PAID daily horror/sci-fi movie blog called Fright Site. That program ended in 2010 (at least their checks didn’t bounce), but I wasn’t done yet. After about three seconds of studied and careful consideration, I started up Drinkin’ & Drive-in on WordPress.com and have been doing it WITHOUT PAY since June 9, 2010. So 25 years total, give or take. (I’m not really a math guy.)

Horror

How come you don’t accept paid advertising on your blog?
Because ads suck. I’d rather keep doing the blog for no pay than have it cluttered with banners promoting trendy pants and boxed squeezy mattresses. (Disclaimer: WordPress™ might have small pop-up ads that, like my thirst for beer, I have no control over.)

Ultimate Hamburger

“How would you describe your blog?
I don’t do horror/sci-fi/fantasy movie reviews as it requires more brains than I currently have operating inside the vending machine that is my head. Rather, I just endlessly watch all kinds of horror and sci-fi and merely relate what I’ve witnessed. As opposed to a food critic, I would rather not analyze the notes and complexities of food and just eat the damn hamburger.

Godzilla

“What are your favorite kinds of horror movies?”
Longtime readers (thank you, David. H and Jon from NC) will know I’m a big fan of giant monster movies, Japanese or otherwise. This is followed by ghosts, werewolf and shark movies. My least favorite types of horror movies are those with slashers/serial killers. There’s more than enough of those types of people in the news everyday. For sheer crazy weirdness, I really dig those Japanese extreme gore movies and pretty much anything regarding UFOs.

UFO

“Have you ever seen a UFO?”
Not as yet. But I do believe the people who say they’ve seen one. The truth is out there, I want to believe, etc., etc. I do, however, eat UFOs  almost every day: unidentified frying objects.

Zombeavers

“Are there any types of horror movies you won’t watch?”
Though I have seen enough of ‘em to know not to watch that kind of stuff anymore, are horror movies involving torture porn, rape and real or fake violence against real and/or fake animals, though I will make an exception for critters that are zombies. (I’m looking in your direction Zombeavers/2014). Oddly, I don’t feel the same way about violence towards fish. (Ironically, I’m eating a tuna fish sandwich while writing this.)

“You don’t use swear words in your blog — why not?”
Anyone can swear — it’s like the karaoke of language. My “journalism skills” are offensive enough without adding salty/florid language to it. That, and I just sound dumber than usual if I do.

Horror

“What are your favorite horror/sci-fi movies?”
Too many to list, but here’s a few classics I never get tired of watching over and over and over: Planet of the Apes (1968); Godzilla (1954); The Legend of Hell House (1973); 30 Days of Night (2007); The Thing (1982); The Wolf-Man (1941); Alien (1979); The Evil Dead (1981); Let The Right One In (2008); An American Werewolf in London (1981), and A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). There’s about two dozen more, but this is a nice representation of my cinematic tastes.

horror

Recent ones (as this time and space) that kicked me in the britches are The Witch (2015), It (2017), It Follows (014), Stranger Things (2016), The Babadook (2014), Godzilla (2014), Shin Godzilla (2017) and Kong: Skull Island (2017), to name a few.

Budweiser

“After all these years, why keep going?”
A curious but relentless compulsion, really. That, and it’s a way to justify all those decades sitting on a couch watching TV. And no, I’m not fat from doing that, nor would I even think about body shaming someone who is. I currently weigh just 6.5 lbs. over my target weight for height and age, despite my insatiable thirst for all things adult beverages, which is generally Budweiser™. And I don’t drink hard alcohol — too many notes. That’s not to say I’d turn down a complimentary sip or three. Ahem.

Alcohol

What critique would you give your blog?
I tend to ramble. I feel as though it should be more “don’t bore us — get to the chorus.” But I don’t wanna leave anything out. Obsession is harsh mistress. Also, I occasionally repeat myself due to the erratic nature of both my brainwaves and horror movie release schedules. That bugs the insects outta me.

Horror

“How come your blog or even yourself is not on social media?”
I do this blog for free, so why make more work for myself? As for me not being on social media, besides the fact that trendy medium sucks green donkeys, I don’t think the world needs to hear what I had for breakfast or what cat video I just watched.

“How old are you?”
For an accurate answer, cut my liver in half and count the rings.

Horror

“How much longer are you going to keep doing Drinkin’ & Drive-in?”
That’s up to my liver.