Archive for Netflix

Partying With Ghosts, Subtitled Shark, Haunted House Insurance

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, paranormal, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If you’re a fan of fan-made horror films, you’re gonna get all tingly over the Friday the 13th homage, Here Comes the Night: Part 3, sequel to the F-13th fan films Here Comes the Night and Here Comes the Night: Part 2, all of which are free on YouTube™. Around a half-hour long and done on a budget that wouldn’t get you a hot dog and a diet soda at a hockey game (diet sodas are the preferred drink of hardcore hockey fans, who all look like Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees, blood and all), you at least gotta admire the passion that goes into these enthusiastic endeavors.

A bit ‘o background: “Produced by Jason Kays and directed by Tim McCormack, Here Comes the Night: Part 3 celebrates what fans love about Jason Voorhees and the classic 80’s slasher series. The epic conclusion to Here Comes the Night is finally here! Having narrowly escaped certain death at the hands of new friends and old enemies, Allison, Billy, and Suzie find safety at a cabin across the lake. However, as the sins of the past are revealed, and the lies of the present unfold, no one is truly safe at Crystal Lake.”

While you question my sanity to post this on Saturday the 14th instead of Friday the 13th (sorry — still using last year’s calendar because I don’t know why), here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be viewable on any day of the week…  

MAKO /Out now (Netflix™)

“Visiting the site of a sunken passenger ship, eight divers face a terrifying threat beneath the surface of the Red Sea.”

This shark movie came out in someplace called Egypt (never heard of it) in 2021, but it’s now on Netflix™ in our multiverse. It’s in Arabic with wonky English subtitles, so you can’t understand a thing the shark is saying. Too bad — with all those teeth, I bet it has perfect enunciation.

GHOST PARTY / Out now (VOD)

“The annual Halloween party at Auldcraft Mansion is no ordinary party. You have to be dead to be invited. This year something has gone horribly wrong and the family must bring in a living relative to help solve the mystery. This “live” theatrical play captures the true spirit, or spirits of family reunions.”

You have to be dead to be invited? As long as there’s no dress code and they put out some chips ‘n salsa. 

CONTACT: THE CE5 EXPERIENCE / Out now (VOD)

Dr. Steven Greer and his team share their videos and photos of UFOs and extraterrestrial beings captured at CE5 events around the world.”

Those CE5 “events” are little more than UFO New Age retreats. The blurry UAP photos and videos are sorta interesting, but enough with the hippie chanting prayer circles to reach out to our space brothers; extraterrestrials already think we’re a bunch of dumbasses.

THE UNSETTLING / February 10, 2023 (VOD)

“Abena and Kwame, a Ghanaian couple, are struggling to recover from a devastating tragedy. They travel to Los Angeles for a vacation that they hope will help them find their way back to one another. Instead, during an awkward dinner with estranged friends, Vivian and Anthony, Abena is increasingly terrorized by an evil possessing the house. The house that was meant to provide refuge slowly stalks her, consuming her sorrow and trapping her in a nightmare. As her terror grows, it ultimately engulfs all four with horrifying consequences.”

They should’ve gotten haunted house renter’s insurance. And yes, that’s a real thing. I go through Obrella™ to cover my darkness-infested abode. Click here for a rate quote.

Hometown Haunts, Prime Time Exorcism, Robot Mom

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Does your town have a haunted house/hotel/7-Eleven™? If it did, would you know how to find it? Now you can with Fright Find, a website with a comprehensive database of every real haunted house/hotel/7-Eleven™ in every state. It’s like one-stop shopping for ghost groupies

From Fright Find’s website: “Every state has its own eerie haunted history. From the Salem Witch Hunts to the Ghosts of the Alamo, each state’s history goes back hundreds, if not thousands, of years. However, there are no boundaries on the afterlife. To help you find haunts in your state, we’ve organized these real haunted houses, places, and haunted attractions so that you can start your phantom hunt. Curious to know your state’s haunted history? Want to find the most haunted place in your state? Start your Fright Find right here…”

According to their stats, Florida is the most haunted state with 127 listings. The District of Columbia clocks in with a non-tourist generating seven haunts. I drink in Washington State and Fright Find says we have a respectable 73 haunted listings. In your face, every state with 72 or less.

While you go through Fright Find’s documentation of all the scary stuff in your state, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not put you in a scary state…

CRAZY CROCODILE / Out now (YouTube™)

“Food host Xiaoyu is tricked into participating in a survival reality show, along with a group of other people who all have their own reasons to participate. Everyone strays into the forbidden area in the wild and they are attacked by mutant crocodiles.”

The irony of a food host becoming food for the mutant crocodiles is…delicious.

KKN DI DESA PENARI: LUWIH DOWO, LUWIH MEDINI / December 29, 2022 (VOD)

“A Javanese proverb expressed by Widya’s mother just before she left for KKN. A sign that there was something in the village at the far east. Widya, Nur, Ayu, Bima, Anton and Wahyu never thought that their KKN activities would lead to disaster.”

The movie’s weird and unpronounceable title translates to KKN in Dancer Village: Longer, Scarier. Yeah, no — didn’t help. I think there’s a dancing snake in this movie.

TRUE HAUNTING / January 6, 2023 (VOD)

“The terrifying true story of the first televised exorcism on NBC in 1971. Millions around the country watched the program that was recorded in Chicago. The NBC news segment was a success, the exorcism was not. Instead, it made things worse for the Becker family who lived there. Much worse.”

All exorcisms should be televised. Can’t be any ickier than watching Dr. Pimple Popper.

JUNG_E / January 20, 2023 (Netflix™)

“In the 22nd century, with Earth no longer habitable due to climate change, war breaks out in the last shelter built for human survival. The only way to end the war hinges on cloning a legendary mercenary into a scalable robot. In a post-apocalyptic near-future, a researcher at an Artificial Intelligence lab leads the effort to end a civil war by cloning the brain of a heroic soldier — her mother.”

It’d be cool to have a robot mom. I don’t know why. Just seems like she’d be better than non-robotic moms.

Vile Vision, Ghost Guests, Lethal Lobsters

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

For horror movies fans there exists a plethora of viewing options, paid and free. If you don’t mind ad-supported horror movies (or just regular movies, which nobody cares about), Tubi™ and YouTube™ beats the competition by far with obscure, DYI, foreign and classic horror offerings. (P.S. Tubi™ is the king of horror/sci-fi with hundreds upon other hundreds of horror flicks you never knew existed.)

Shudder™ is the de facto go to for paid horror viewing, with a sharply curated catalogue and consistent new releases. With plans starting at $4.79 a month, you be a screaming dumbass (okay, maybe not screaming) to not subscribe. Another bountiful horror/sci-fi option, though, is Wicked Horror TV™, a premium streaming service specializing in quality horror films. (Note: ALL horror movies are quality. Except maybe three.) 

Wicked Horror TV™ puts the gore in categorize — horror movies are sorted by decades (1920s to whatever decade we’re in now), countries (Asia, Australia, Europe, South America and whatever country we’re in now), and sub-genres (ghosts, giallo, gothic, paranormal, possession, B-movies, satanic, supernatural, occult, witches, etc.) There’s plenty of ad-supported free horror, but the premium plan taps you for $5.99 a month, though you save thriftily with their billed annually plan of $49.99. Wicked Horror TV™ can be watched (or “viewed”) on things like Fire TV™, Roku™, Apple TV™, Android TV™, Google Play™, and iOS™ mobile devices.

While you close out your horror-bereft Netflix™ account and sign up for Wicked Horror TV™ (click this), here are a few out now/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies/tv series that may or may not be worth paying for — or watching for free…

DEADLY DEALINGS / Out now (YouTube™/VOD)

“A young woman struggles with losing her brother. Her roommate turns her on to a spirit board, and that night she has a dream that she can trade her dream for her brother’s life. The next day when she awakens she learns that it was more than just a dream and she bit off more than she expected.”

Yawn. Sounds more like a spirit bored than a spirit board.

THE GHOSTS OF MONDAY / January 23, 2023 (VOD/DVD)

“A television director becomes embroiled in a supernatural conspiracy after traveling to Cyprus to make a TV pilot about a haunted hotel.”

Cyprus is an island country located south of the Anatolian Peninsula in the eastern Mediterranean Sea. Seems like a long way to go to document hotel haunters. Try the “ghosts only” Overlook Hotel in the nearby country of Colorado.

THE SWARM / Release pending 2023 (Streaming TV subscription)

“A global environmental thriller, The Swarm is set in a present day where anomalies and unnatural behavior in marine animals are causing upheaval all over the world. Millions of strange worms suddenly appear on the bottom of the North Sea, drilling their way through frozen methane, threatening to destabilize the entire continental shelf. Swarms of mussels stop large vessels from maneuvering. Toxic jellyfish, lobsters and whales start attacking human beings along the coasts of the world. It follows a global group of scientists and military who come together to tackle one of the biggest challenges mankind has ever faced. They make the chilling discovery that we are not the only intelligent species on this planet — and that deep down at the bottom of the sea resides a collective intelligence which has suffered the ravages of civilization on its habitat and decided to fight back.”

Strange worms, toxic jellyfish, swarms of mussels…sounds like the Seafarer’s Feast™ at Red Lobster™.

NEW FEAR’S EVE / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“As the coming year approaches, three friends reluctantly prepare for Hooper Industries’ annual New Year’s Eve bash. The clock ticks down and the body count rises as a psychotic murderer known as The Doctor is on the loose. This sadistic surgeon of death leaves Owensboro covered in blood as local police and FBI are forced to navigate through a maze of bodies left in his wake.”

I liked this better when it was called New Year’s Evil (1980).

A Kaiju Reborn, Airborne Apes, Post-Puberty Exorcist

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Gods of All That Is Kaiju have FINALLY answered my last call prayers. Gamera, one of the greatest giant monsters ever in the history of ever (spinning Frisbee™ flight abilities, plasma flames blasting out of mouth AND butthole area, Osmond-sized teeth), is coming back after being in hibernation since 2006. Kadokawa Daiei Studio and Netflix™ just announced they’re working on a project called Gamera: Rebirth for 2023. After I post this blog, I’ll need to go swap out my under garments because, you know…

From Joblow.com: “A giant, fire-breathing, prehistoric turtle monster, Gamera was first introduced to audiences in the 1965 film Gamera, the Giant Monster, which begins with an atomic bomb waking him from a long slumber in the Arctic. Over the next six years, Gamera returned in Gamera vs. Barugon, Gamera vs. Gyaos, Gamera vs. Viras, Gamera vs. Guiron, Gamera vs. Jiger, and Gamera vs. Zigra. When the studio was struggling with financial issues in 1980, they cut together a bunch of stock footage Gamera: Super Monster. Gamera then took a fifteen year break before being brought back in a trilogy of films directed by Shusuke Kaneko. Those were Gamera: Guardian of the Universe, Gamera 2: Attack of Legion, and Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris. The most recent film was 2006’s Gamera the Brave.”

While we look for a time machine to transport us to the premier of Gamera: Rebirth’s exact day and time in 2023, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not taste as good as giant prehistoric turtle soup

ALL EYES / Out now (VOD)

“Allen hosts a podcast about strange people and paranormal phenomena. One day, he gets fired from his job. He’s totally distraught, but soon enough, he comes across a case that just might revitalize his career. He’s contacted by a widowed farmer named Don who claims there’s a monster living in the woods near his house, so Allen travels to the man’s home to interview him and see him capture the beast.”

WTF?!? Monsters live in the woods? Dang — I live right next to some woods. This really upsets my stomach area. Sure, Bigfoot lives in there as well, but he’s not really a monster. He’s more of a Naturalist/organic hippie free spirit who just happens to occasionally scare the kale outta people.

CRYO / Out now (VOD)

“In an underground facility, five scientists wake from cryosleep with no memory of who they are or how long they’ve been asleep. They soon make a shocking realization: a killer is hunting them down there, and may even be hiding among them.”

Waking up with no memory of who they are or how long they’ve been asleep sounds like they had an epic night at the Tug Tavern instead of an underground facility.

GALE: STAY AWAY FROM OZ / Pending release 2022/2023

“Long gone are the days of emerald cities and yellow brick roads in this dark re-imagining of The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy Gale is now an elderly woman, broken by years of paranormal entanglement with a mystical realm, which has now echoed down to her only living relative, Emily, who is being called to settle unfinished business in this terrifying world of Oz.”

Hoping this one is as bloodthirsty and barbaric as the 1939 original. It better not have dork dancing and ear gouging song interludes, though. Crossing fingers for flying monkeys.

BLOOD FLOWER / Release pending 2023 (Shudder™)

“Iqbal, a 16-year-old apprentice faith healer and exorcist, is tormented by visions of the dead and spirits from other dimensions. When a malicious spirit begins to wreak havoc around him, Iqbal is forced to harness his supernatural gifts to save his family and friends.”

A 16-year-old exorcist/faith healer who can see the dead from other dimensions. At 16 I was a paperboy.

Origin of Blood, Nuclear Crabs, Killer Kangaroos

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Get ready to load your britches. Ahead of The Witcher Season 3 next summer, The Witcher: Blood Origin, a spinoff series, is coming to Netflix™, December 25, 2022. Check to see if your pants can handle a double load. If not, you’re pre-forgiven, so no holiday party foul.

From Netflix™: “A four-part series, The Witcher: Blood Origin is set in an elven world 1200 years before the world of The Witcher and will tell a story lost to time – the creation of the first prototype Witcher, and the events that lead to the pivotal ‘conjunction of the spheres,’ when the worlds of monsters, men, and elves merged to become one.”

While we get ready to open the Christmas present that is The Witcher: Blood Origin, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make you tarnish your trousers…

THE WITCH: PART 2 – THE OTHER ONE / Out now (VOD/DVD)

“In this sequel to the popular Korean sci-fi action thriller, the story moves away from a confined secret lab and out into the real world. After a mysterious girl emerges as the sole survivor of a bloody raid on the research facility behind the top-secret Witch Program, she is rescued by a pair of civilians who soon realize the girl is both very powerful and in very grave danger.”

In case you have a weak stomach for witch-y violence, carnage and/or violent carnage, you might wanna watch Hocus Pocus 2 instead. Everyone else, broom up.

THE WILLOWBROOK / Out now (VOD)

“A renowned wellness influencer invites one of her recently overdosed followers to seek recovery at her small-town manor. Once the follower arrives, she realizes the dark world existing within the manor is not what she — nor millions of others — perceived from the Internet. With a gripping and fast-paced tone, this film explores the duplicitous side of social media.”

This is probably as boring as it sounds.

CRABS! / November 15, 2022 (VOD) November 22, 2022 (Blu-ray)

Mutated by nuclear runoff, a horde of murderous horseshoe crabs descend on a sleepy California town causing Prom Night terror. As the deadly crustaceans claw their way through the disbelieving population, it’s up to a ramshackle band of students and local law enforcement to address the increasingly ginormous crab menace.”

Used to be there were only two ways to catch crabs: get a job on a fishing boat or sitting your fart box on a gas station bathroom toilet. These days crabs come out of the ocean and jump right in your lap. Even though the cut-throat crustaceans are painfully pinching people in this movie, might as well make the most of it and smear butter and a squeeze of lemon all over your pants.

THE RED / Release pending 2023/2024 (VOD)

“A young sheriff, obsessed with living up to her dead father’s legacy, finds her mettle tested to the limit when locals start being found ripped to shreds. Now she must finally face up to her past, and work with her eccentric Vietnam veteran uncle to defeat the beast before it kills everyone in town.”

The Red takes place in the Outback (Australia, not the semi-popular restaurant chain with reasonably-priced albeit mediocre center-cut sirloin steaks). The “ripped-to-shreds” community can only mean one thing: a runaway X300 Select Series John Deere™ Lawn Tractor. Or a carnivorous kangaroo.

Godzilla Day, Trolling For Trolls, Werewolf Games

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

To celebrate Godzilla Day (today, right now, let’s party), you might consider buying me (and get one for yourself while you’re at it) the Godzilla: The Ultimate Illustrated Guide (Welbeck Publishing), releasing November 8, 2022 on Amazon™. Really, it’s the right thing to do.

Besides the subject matter, the $29.95 book, authored by Graham Skipper, measures out as 9.25 x 0.75 x 11.25 inches, has 256 pages, and weighs 3.08 lbs (or “pounds”). Best part — TONS of cool photos (or “pictures”). A Spanish review called it, “La mejor guía hasta la fecha de las películas de nuestro kaiju favorito!” Took the words right out of my mouth.

So while you’re cutting back on your Slim Jim™ budget enough to purchase Godzilla: The Ultimate Illustrated Guide, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not taste as good as commercial meat snacks…

TROLL / December 1, 2022 (Netflix™)

“Deep inside the mountain of Dovre, something gigantic awakens after being trapped for a thousand years. Destroying everything in its path, the creature is fast approaching the capital of Norway. But how do you stop something you thought only existed in Norwegian folklore?”

Norway’s version of Godzilla. The movie’s trailer is thrillable on a level that’s quite thrilling. (Redundant — is that a problem?) As stated above, a giant Troll comes out of his mountain retreat and trample stamps its way through buildings, public transportation, landscaped lawns, 7-Eleven™… Watch Trollhunter (2010) prior to get your folklore juices flowing.

BLOODTHIRST / Pending release 2022 (VOD)

“In a post apocalyptic world run by vampires, only the strong survive. John Shepard, Vampire Hunter, is one of them. John has to track down and eliminate the master vampire before he himself gets turned.”

While vampires are cool, I’m with being a vampire hunter. If the world was owned and operated by vampires, it wouldn’t take long to bankrupt their human food supply. And vampires sucking on cows, raccoons and/or hamsters (i.e., fuzzy juice boxes) is just biblically wrong.

WEREWOLF GAME / January 13, 2023 (Theaters)

“Twelve kidnapped strangers must play a game where they vote on who amongst them to murder. At night, the ‘werewolves’ hidden among them come out to brutally kill one of the 12 ‘villagers’ in return.”

This movie is adapted from the famous 1986 “who did it” adult party game, Mafia, which is also known as Werewolves. The other popular game from that year was Orgy, in which players try to gain enough wealth to become a Roman consul. The game’s name was TOTALLY misleading.

COCAINE BEAR / February 2023 (Theaters)

“A drug runner plane crashes with a load of cocaine that’s found by a black bear, who eats it. Inspired by true events that took place in Kentucky in 1985, during which a bear ingested 88 pounds of pure cocaine and went on a rampage.”

I read a news headline on that story: “Cocaine Bear — The Ultimate Party Animal.” That’s freakin’ funny. P.S. Cocaine smells good. (Old joke. Still freakin’ funny.)

Hanging With Elvira, Ghost Cops, Phenomenal Dirt

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 20, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Two giants in the horror entertainment field — Joe Bob Briggs/The Last Drive-In and Elvira/Mistress of the Dark (oh, wait…make that three giants) are finally appearing together on Joe Bob’s Haunted Halloween Hangout special edition of The Last Drive-In. This happens on Shudder™ TV October 21, 2022/9pm ET. Unable to Shudder™? This will air on-demand October 23, 2022. Not sure, but I think that’s two days later. I’ll call NASA to calibrate my math.

From the press release: “The hit series returns with Briggs, the world’s foremost drive-in movie critic, presenting eclectic horror movie double features, interrupting the films to expound upon their merits, histories, and significance to genre cinema. The season premiere will feature a celebration of The Last Drive-In’s 100th movie since Joe Bob’s first Shudder™ marathon in 2018, with surprise special guests.”

While we congratulate Joe Bob on his 100th movie milestone and Elvira for getting us through puberty, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not cause you to Shudder™ all over your TV face…

THE FINAL ROSE / Out now (Tubi™)

“Set on a remote island a single mother competes on a reality TV dating show called, Love at Last. When the contestants become targets of a mysterious masked killer, their search for romance turns into a fight for survival.”

So this is what the bottom of the barrel looks like.

MATRIARCH / October 21, 2022 (Hulu™)

“Afflicted with a mysterious disease after surviving an overdose, a woman returns to her childhood home to confront her personal demons but instead discovers a real one.”

That means she figured out where she stashed her stash.

SOMETHING IN THE DIRT / November 4, 2022 (Limited)

“When neighbors John and Levi witness supernatural events in their Los Angeles apartment building, they realize documenting the paranormal could inject some fame and fortune into their wasted lives. An ever-deeper, darker rabbit hole, their friendship frays as they uncover the dangers of the phenomena, the city, and each other.”

We don’t watch horror movies to see bros trying to figure out their “feelings.” We wanna know what’s in the dirt, man. And it better not be dog doo.

R.I.P.D. 2: RISE OF THE DAMNED / November 15, 2022 / (Netflix™/ DVD)

The Wild West has gone to Hell, literally, and the world’s best hope of being saved lies in the gun-slinging hands of Sheriff Roy Pulsipher as he becomes the newest officer for the Rest In Peace Department (R.I.P.D.) enforcing the afterlife’s laws. Roy thought joining the R.I.P.D. would give him a chance to revisit his daughter and solve the mystery of his murder. Instead, he has his holsters full with havoc and hellfire when he’s given a mission to stop a dangerous demon from opening a portal to the underworld. The fate of the living and the dead now depends on Roy and his partner Jeanne, a mysterious swordswoman, as cowboys clash with creatures and undead insanity unleashes apocalyptic chaos.”

R.I.P.D. came out in 2013 and despite having both Deadpool and The Dude in it, the movie was oddly dumb. Not quite stupid, but you know what I’m saying (especially if you watched it.) Cautious hopes for the sequel, which only took nine years to happen. Only. Wonder if any of the movie’s creatures, demons and the undead drink White Russians?

Horrible Music, Sci-Fi Squared, Blood On The Tracks

Posted in demons, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

For anyone who knows how to read, J. Blake Fichera’s Scored To Death film music books pull back the curtain on the (somebody else said the following, not me) “unique, dark wizardry that is scoring for horror.” And now Maestro Fichera’s vision expands into film itself with a feature length documentary, Scored To Death: The Dark Art of Scary Movie Music.”

Don’t set the table just yet: The completion of said documentary depends on YOU. Yep, this is a crowdfunded venture, and (from the press release) “To help offset the costs of creating such a documentary. Running now through Halloween, all proceeds from the campaign (Kickstarter™) will go directly toward the project. Although casting is still underway, some of the confirmed contributors include John Massari (Killer Klowns from Outer Space), Christopher Young (Hellraiser, Drag Me to Hell), Holly Amber Church (Open 24 Hours), Harry Manfredini (Friday the 13th), and Charlie Clouser (Saw).”

While you decide if not being able to read is reason enough to help get this one across the finish line, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi films that may or may not put a quartet in the jukebox… 

REPORTAGE NOVEMBER / Out now / Digital and On-Demand via Terror Films

“The mysterious death of a mother and the disappearance of her child leads a group of freelance journalists to the outback of Sweden. The group of four, led by the famous journalist Linn Söderqvist, will make a reportage about the happening and try to find something the police missed. Equipped with cameras and supplies to survive in the forest for days, they wander out into the woods to find the truth.”

Not much truth in the woods, but plenty of conspiracy pine cones to get your reportage on. 

TERROR TRAIN / October 21, 2022 (Tubi™)

“A college student boards a train for a Halloween party, and ends up fighting for her life when a mysterious assailant begins killing the people one-by-one.”

This, of course, is a remake of the 1980 horror film by the same name. (Too bad — Choppin’ Choo-Choo has so much more zing.) In the original they had students killing it on a New Year’s Eve party train. This one is going to a Halloween box social. All a’bored.

28 DAYS HAUNTED / October 21, 2022 (Netflix™)

“Three teams spend 28 days in some of the most haunted locations in the United States, their mission being to conduct paranormal experiments based on the theories of late paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren, whose work was depicted in films such as The Amityville Horror (1979), The Conjuring (2013) and Annabelle (2014).”

Ghost-hunting is what you do after you lose your job at Kinkos™.

CUBE / October 22, 2021 (Japan — Theaters) TBD 2022 (US)

“Six men and women are suddenly trapped in the mysterious Cube. It’s unclear where this is, why they are trapped, whether there is an exit, whether they can survive, or what the room even is.”

A remake of the 1997 kinda sort sci-fi mystery with the exact same plot as listed above. Fun fact: Cube is the other name for the Tug Tavern in that once you go in you’re trapped. Except you don’t care if there’s an exit or whether or not you can survive until last call.

Gutter Clowns, Blood Witches, California Demons

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The clown is back in town and ready to get down. Cinedigm™ and its Bloody Disgusting™-powered horror platform Screambox™ just announced the release of the acclaimed horror documentary Pennywise: The Story of IT, an in-depth look at the 1990 miniseries based on Stephen King’s iconic novel. It shows up on doorsteps, VOD and street drain holes November 22, 2022 as a collector’s edition Blu-ray. Pre-order HERE.

From the helpful press release: “An in-depth look at the 1990 mini-series based on Stephen King‘s novel, The Pennywise: The Story of IT collector’s edition Blu-ray will include six bonus features, several of them exclusive to this release. The documentary also boasts a wealth of archival material and never-before-seen footage.”

When It came out as a five-hour mini-series in 1990, it was somewhat shocking for the time. But it hasn’t aged as well as, say, me. Pennywise, the super evil clown who terrorizes kids and then again as adults, is pretty cool, though. Pennywise in 2017’s smash success re-boot hit the gas and depicted the hideous harlequin with an extreme makeover that had you making sewage in your britches.

While we go on Amazon Prime™ to order the Blu-ray (might as well pick up some new pants while I’m in the zone), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not belong in a sewer…

THE BASTARD SON & THE DEVIL HIMSELF / October 28, 2022 (Netflix™)

“After being discovered as an illegitimate son of the ‘World’s Most Dangerous Blood Witch’, 16-year-old Nathan Byrn was monitored by The Council of Fairborn Witches for several years. However, as the conflict between Blood Witch and Fairborn Witch escalates, Nathan found an opportunity to escape. As he escaped, he’d soon built alliances with Annalise and Gabriel while discovering previously unknown secrets of himself.”

Wish I was the illegitimate son of the World’s Most Dangerous Blood Witch. It’s likely I already am, though. This is why I started calling myself, Son of the World’s Most Dangerous Blood Witch. That’d look cool on some sort of wearing shirt.

THE SLEEP EXPERIMENT / November 1, 2022 (iTunes™, Amazon™, Google Play™, iNDemand™, DISH™)

“Two detectives begin an investigation on the ethics involved in Porton Down, the top-secret research facility. One experiment in particular stands out to them as the most horrific — The Sleep Experiment, which took place during the Cold War. The experiment consisted of five prisoners deemed Enemies of the State, being locked in a sealed gas chamber. An airborne stimulant was continually administered to keep the subjects awake for 30 consecutive days. The prisoners were falsely promised that they would be set free from the prison if they completed the experiment. Inspired by real events, The Sleep Experiment is a psychological thriller that exposes the horrors of what humanity is capable of when pushed to the brink.”

I tried staying awake for 30 days, but only made it about three hours. Still, pretty rough. My humanity was definitely pushed to the brink.

MALIBU HORROR STORY / Pending release 2022/2023

“A group of amateur paranormal investigators are filming a documentary about four teens missing since 2012, a case that remains unsolved despite recovered camera footage from the day of their disappearance. The investigation leads them to the teen’s last known whereabouts: a cave deep in the Malibu mountains, where they set up camp. Attempting to communicate with the spirits within, the investigators bring forth an ancient demon intent on guarding the land and enacting the same gruesome fate those four teens met 10 years ago.”

No wonder the ancient demon is so intent on guarding the land around his cave hole. This is in Malibu, home of some of the priciest real estate ever invented. Teens do nothing but drive the property value down. And not just in Malibu.

NIGHTMARE RADIO: THE NIGHT STALKER / Pending release 2022/2023

“Candy is a late-night radio DJ with a program where people call to tell her ‘real’ horror stories. One of her listeners begins to call her insistently. Candy quickly discovers that there is a strange connection between them. Soon she will find out how far an obsessed fan is willing to go.”

Yeah, but did she play his song request? Radio DJs don’t think listeners have anything better to do than to keep calling the station. The song he requested? “Psycho Killer.” Heh.

Goth Girls, Flaming Pumpkins, Superpowered Nuns

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, paranormal, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , on October 15, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Wednesday Addams, the youngest of the Addams Family (America’s first family of fright) is the newest star of her own TV series via Netflix™ on November 23, 2022. Sure, Lurch, the butler with the eye-rolling “I just smelled someone else’s fart” expression, or even the light bulb-sucking Uncle Fester are easily worthy of their own showcase. (Not Pugsley or Grandmama, though.) But it’s Wednesday, who puts the “dead” in “deadpanning,” who could very well make YA Goth a thing again. Hot Topic™ is counting on it.

Here’s the light bulb illuminated plot: “A coming-of-age supernatural mystery comedy focusing on Wednesday Addams and her years as a high school student at Nevermore Academy, where she attempts to master her psychic powers, stop a monstrous killing spree of the town citizens, and solve the supernatural mystery that affected her family 25 years ago — all while navigating her new relationships.”

Wednesday Addams has been portrayed by 10 gloomy gals over the decades, starting with Lisa Loring in 1964 and going all the way up through now, with Jenna Ortega rockin’ those iconic pigtails and whose resume includes Iron Man 3 (2013), Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013), The Babysitter: Killer Queen (2020), Scream (2021), Studio 666 (2021), and X (2022). Serious street cred.

While we wait until Wednesday, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/TV shows that may or may not be as fun as sucking on a light bulb… 

HEADLESS HORSEMAN / OCTOBER 14, 2022 (VOD)

“Seconds from death, a nearly decapitated and desperate man makes a deal with the Devil to protect the love of his life and seek revenge on the drug dealer who almost murdered him.”

I get Headless Horseman has been around a lot longer than Ghost Rider. But that’s a dick move to steal GH’s shtick by riding a flaming motorcycle and making your pumpkin head flame on like a Presto Log™ dipped in BBQ accelerant. Hey HH — how would like it if Ghost Rider rode a fiery horse up and down building walls and/or rodeos? 

WARRIOR NUN SEASON 2 / November 10, 2022 (Netflix™)

“After waking up in a morgue, an orphaned teen discovers she now possesses superpowers as the chosen Halo Bearer for a secret sect of demon-hunting nuns. At the end of Warrior Nun’s first season, the Order of the Cruciform Sword was faced with their toughest battle yet: the fallen angel Adriel was released from his tomb, helped unknowingly by Ava and the Sister-Warriors.”

Every time I wake up in a morgue, I smell like a cocktail of formaldehyde and pee and looking for pants. Wouldn’t need britches, though, if I woke up in a morgue with superpowers. Then demons would totally fear me instead of laughing and pointing. Stupid demons.

1899 / November 17, 2022 (Netflix™)

“In this German epic period mystery-horror series, multinational immigrants traveling from the old continent encounter a nightmarish riddle aboard a second ship adrift on the open sea.”

This echoes the story of the spooky Mary Celeste, an American-registered merchant brigantine discovered adrift and deserted in the Atlantic Ocean on December 4, 1872. (Not gonna lie to you; I totally copied that off the Internet. I just wanted to feel like a big shot know-it-all and get one in the win-column for a change.)

SUMMONERS / Pending release 2022/2023

“Jessica Whitman isn’t a witch. Not anymore, at least. She left it behind when she left her hometown almost 10 years ago. But when a childhood friend needs her help performing a dark spell, she’ll find herself questioning her sense of right and wrong, and grappling with her late mother’s secrets.”

Why would Jessica want to quit being a witch? Witches can fly and do cool stuff like get Frisbees™ down from roofs. They can make surprisingly savory stew in their cauldron (aka, Le Creuset™ Cast Iron 8 qt. Oval Dutch Oven). And witches can make the lights go on and off, just by clapping. Freakin’ eerie! I think Jessica should rethink rejecting her godless ways because those Frisbees™ on the roof aren’t gonna get themselves down.