Archive for Rob Zombie

Rock Horror Lottery, Time-Traveling Sharks,Trained Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alice Cooper Lottery

As first reported by Bloody-Disgusting.com, horror shock rock icon Alice Cooper is now featured on scratch-to-win Lottery™ tickets in his home state of Arizona. (Probably where he gets his stage snakes. I hear you can practically trip over ’em in Arizona.)

Billion Dollar Babies

The measure of success used to be to get your face on a postal stamp. But being on a Lotto scratch card seems a more appropriate way to honor the rock star who had a hit album called Billion Dollar Babies back in 1973 (way to tie-in, Arizona!), and paved the road for others like Rob Zombie and Marilyn Manson by pioneering the theater use of said (live) pythons, dead babies (song title and plastic prop), an onstage guillotine execution, a hangman’s noose, a ride on an electric chair, and tons of horror imagery and zombie stuff.

Alice Cooper

The Alice Cooper Lotto tickets went live in Arizona on August 7, 2018 and will continue to be purchasable through Halloween, 2018. From the press release: “There are six top prizes of $50,000 each, with second-chance prizes that range from Alice Cooper memorabilia to VIP tickets and pre-show party access to the legendary rocker’s annual Christmas Pudding concert.” (Note: The album came with a “billion dollar” bill in the packaging. Been trying to spend it every since. Guess I’ll have to buy more than one microwaved hot dog as it appears 7-Eleven™ just doesn’t appear to have enough correct change.)

Billion Dollar Babies

While we all wait for our turn to have our printed faces scratched off with the edge of a quarter (a penny works, too), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that you may or may not want to scratch off your viewing list…

The Last Sharknado: It's About Time

THE LAST SHARKNADO: IT’S ABOUT TIME (August 19, 2018/SyFy™ Channel)
In the sixth and final installment of the series, Fin will travel back in time in a Sharknado-turned-time-machine to resurrect his family by stopping the first sharknado that started it all. In his quest, Fin will fight dinosaurs, knights, cowboys, and, of course, sharks. This time, it’s not a question of how to stop the sharknados — it’s when!”

Gotta give ‘em props for the movie title, as it perfectly sums up the thankful END of one of the most overplayed (and dumb) horror movie franchises of all time. And this coming from a guy who loves shark movies. Looks like they’re gonna go out with style, what with time-travel, dinosaurs, knights, cowboys (just repeating the press release here) and, of course, sharks that fall from the sky like faulty airplanes. Good for them. Now go away.

Lizzie

LIZZIE (September 14, 2018)
Chloë Sevigny stars as Lizzie Borden, the notorious woman at the heart of one of the most enduring mysteries in American history. After a lifetime of loneliness, Lizzie finds a kindred spirit in housemaid Bridget Sullivan (Kristen Stewart) and their secret intimacy sparks an unthinkable act. The movie explores the days leading up to the savage crimes in a dark tale of repression, exploitation and thwarted dreams.”

Lizzie

Back in the good ‘ol days of 1892, Lizzie Borden, the spinster daughter of Andrew Jackson Borden and Sarah Anthony Borden (what are the odds they both have the same last name?), was infamously charged with axe-to-the-head-multiple-times on said husband and wife double murder. Lizzie was arrested as a prime suspect, but later deemed innocent by the court and let go, presumably to open an axe store (poor timing, but good prices from what I hear).

Lizzie Borden

This grisly, unsolved murder led to more than a few movie treatments and remakes over the years. But Lizzie — a women’s spin on the subject — brings a whole new perspective, implying that Lizzie had a girlfriend and they both plotted — and executed (sorry) — the de-parenting. For another interesting look at Lizzie Borden, the Jason Voorhees of the late 1800s, check out Lizzie Borden Took An Axe (2014) with Christina Ricci as the chilling and non-emotional portrayal of the world’s first hacker. Personally, I though it was the mailman who performed the crime, based on absolutely no proof whatsoever. I just trust my gut stuff.

Redcon-1

REDCON-1 (September 28, 2018/UK)
“After a zombie apocalypse spreads from a London prison, the UK is brought to its knees. The spread of the virus is temporarily contained but, without a cure, it’s only a matter of time before it breaks its boundaries and the biggest problem of all…any zombies with combat skills are now enhanced. With the South East of England quarantined from the rest of the world using fortified borders, intelligence finds that the scientist responsible for the outbreak is alive and well in London. With his recovery being the only hope of a cure, a squad of eight Special Forces soldiers is sent on a suicide mission to the city, now ruled by the undead, with a single task: get him out alive within 72 hours by any means necessary. What emerges is an unlikely pairing on a course to save humanity against ever-rising odds.”

So the dead come back to life with all their previous life skills. I guess when it’s my turn to go to the great couch in the sky, I’ll come back LOADED (heh) with years of accrued beer drinking abilities. The world as you know it won’t stand a chance. Sucks to be everybody but me.

Slaughterhouse Rulez

SLAUGHTERHOUSE RULEZ (October 31, 2018/UK | 2018/2019 US)
Slaughterhouse is an elite boarding school where boys and girls are groomed for power and greatness and they’re about to meet their match. Don Wallace, is a wide-eyed new boy from a modest background forced to navigate a baffling new world of arcane rules and rituals, presided by sadistic sixth formers. Matters of status are aggressively enforced and conversation with school goddess Clemsie, are strictly forbidden. But this ancient and ordered world is about to be shaken to its foundations — literally — when a controversial frack site on prize school woodland causes seismic tremors, a mysterious sinkhole and an unspeakable horror is unleashed. Soon a new pecking order will be established as pupils, teachers and the school matron become locked in a bloody battle for survival.”

Holy frack — an unspeakable horror comes out of a resulting sinkhole? I bet the quakes busted the boarding school’s sewer line. P.S. Resist the urge to compare this one with this same-named 2004 short, The Slaughter House Rules. That one was only 13 minutes long and from what I hear, did not feature a busted sewer line spewing liquefied leavings all over everyone’s faces and/or clean shirts. That’d be really icky if they did.

Horror Shaken, Not Stirred

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 5, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Slasher House II

You’d think the tens of dozens of new horror movies coming out right now would keep me in a state of perpetual giddiness. It kinda sorta does. But Christmas came early for me in the form of Amazon Prime™ putting up the entire James Bond catalog (minus the Daniel Craig years) for free viewing (if you have a subscription). Don’t worry horror movies, I still like you. But you’re like an ex-girlfriend until I’m done re-watching all the Bond movies for the 12th time each.

So here’s what I’m spying (heh) on the horizon…

SLASHER HOUSE II (2017)
Red has arrived in the big city just time to find herself tied up in an epidemic of vanishing serial killers. But who is taking them and what do they want with the world’s most horrific masked murderers? As Red fights her way through a maze filled with assassins, monsters and maniacs she comes closer to discovering the truth behind the mystery and the mastermind behind the Slasher House.”

A maze filled with “assassins, monsters and maniacs.” Um, isn’t this the same plot as Rob Zombie’s 31 (2016)?

Voice From The Stone

VOICE FROM THE STONE (early 2017)
“Verena, a solemn nurse, is drawn to aid a young boy named Jakob who has fallen silent since the untimely death of his mother nearly a year ago. Living with his father in a massive stone manor in Tuscany, Jakob not only refuses to speak, he seems to be under the spell of a malevolent force trapped within the stone walls. As Verena’s relationship with the father and son grow, she becomes ensnared and consumed by a severe force. If Verena is to save the boy and free herself, she must face the phantom hidden inside the stone.

I talk to rock, too. And rock talks to me. And you know what rocks tell me to do? To rock out. It’s the only conversation needed when conversing with gravel.

Angelica

ANGELICA (2017)
London in 1880. Shop assistant Constance, who lost her parents at an early age, falls in love with doctor and vivisectionist, Dr. Joseph Barton. When their daughter Angelica is born the pair is overjoyed, but the birth almost costs the young mother her life. From now on she must practice sexual abstinence – she is to think of herself as a beautiful garden enclosed by a tall iron fence. Before long her bid to suppress her desires and erotic feelings gives birth to demons. A ghostly being emerges from Constance’s hysterical fantasy; the spirit penetrates closed doors, terrorizing the sleeping child and her fragile mother. When an assistant with para-psychological skills is called to their home, their middle-class world finally falls apart…”

I have two questions: Why would you want to marry a vivisectionist? Secondly, why would you want to become a vivisectionist? Surely, butcher school is a lot cheaper and easier to get a degree in. As for Constance and her “hysterical fantasies,” sounds like she’s just being a normal gal to me. (I’m probably gonna pay for that one.)

Lucifer

LUCIFER (pending 2017)
A young caretaker believes her family is being tormented by the devil after she agrees to write the chilling story of a patient haunted by the relentless demonic being.

Hope the book comes with pictures.

Ice Cream Truck

ICE CREAM TRUCK (summer 2017)
“Mary’s husband gets relocated for work which allows her to move back to her suburban hometown. A local ice cream man with a love of nostalgia starts to kill some of her neighbors. Mary is torn between her mature instincts that something wrong and the distracting memories of her younger days.”

WTF?!? Who cares – ICE CREAM, man! Some people just can’t accept the little pleasures in life without gooning out.

Post-Puberty Demonic Blues

Posted in Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Haunting of Molly Hartley

The haunting part of The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2009), a made-for-teen chicks “horror” movie, is in reference to something her parents did while Molly was being born. Given how bland this movie is, a ghost — even a digital one — would’ve been preferable.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley

After mom is rightfully placed in an insane asylum for stabbing her daughter in the chest with a pair of scissors (told, not shown), Molly begins hearing voices in her head. She and dad move to a new town, and Molly attends one of those “everybody dress the same” high schools full of over-privileged snotty classmates who listen to hip hop and dance like dorks.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley

Molly is caught between trying to fit in and being “haunted” by the voices. The school counselor tries helping, but no one believes Molly’s mom has escaped and is coming back to “save her” before she turns 18, which is, like, tomorrow.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley

Confused and distraught, Molly seeks the spiritual guidance of her religious classmate after hearing her escaped mom tell her why she needs to be stabbed in the chest again. Seems Molly was being born prematurely in a bus station bathroom. She was supposed to die, but a mysterious (i.e., evil) woman appeared out of nowhere and offered to save Molly’s life.

The Exorcism of Molly Hartley

With screaming and blood and a stillborn on the way, Molly’s parents agreed and the mysterious (i.e., evil) woman made everything good as new. The price for such a bargain is that Molly’s soul belongs to Satan upon her 18th birthday. Talk about sticker shock.

So what happened to Molly? She had one HELL of a birthday.

The Exorcism of Molly Hartley

P.S. Not sure why, but they made a sequel called The Exorcism of Molly Hartley (2015). That one feature more Molly and less clothes.

P.P.S. So exactly why did I watch a teen horror movie? I just finished Rob Zombie’s 31 (2016) and felt a need to cleanse the palate.

Be Witched

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Salem

The rich tapestry of witches seems to have taken root these days, fueled possibly by the success of the TV series Salem (2014), an annoyingly hard-to-follow depiction of fevered witch paranoia life in stinky Massachusetts in the late 1600s. (If your neighbor thought you to be in league with Big D, you were proved it merely by hearsay in a court of law and burned alive in the public square, the colonial version of a tailgate party.

The Lords of Salem

Rock dude/horror filmmaker Rob Zombie even tried his hand at some lovin’ from the coven in 2013 with the The Lords of Salem. (I’m generally a fan of Zombie’s music and film work, but that thing is outright laughable and does great disservice to our witchy women.)

The Last Witch Hunter

Regardless, the market fire burns hot for Wiccans and their vibrant community. Vin Diesel (Riddick himself!) is set to release The Last Witch Hunter (2015), followed by The Witch (2016), a period horror piece that promises some wicked wickedness.

The Witch

Here’s what The Witch is conjuring (heh): “Evil takes many forms in this vintage horror thriller set in New England in the 1600s about a family and their suddenly missing children.”

The Witch

Okay, not a lot to go on. But the trailer is a tasty appetizer. And early reviews gush that The Witch “blends The Crucible, The Shining and The Exorcist in a frightening New England folktale.”

Wiccapedia: A Modern Day White Witch's Guide

You can find more information about witches in Wiccapedia: A Modern-Day White Witch’s Guide (2011), written by “spiritual life coaches” and celebrity witches Shawn Robbins and Leanna Greenaway. If those aren’t kick ass credentials, then you’re likely a non-believer. I fear for your very soul.

Witching & Bitching

P.S. For a really fun/funny/f’d up witch movie, check out Spain-made Witching & Bitching (2013). The first 15 minutes alone will put a spell on you (heh).