Ape Overlords, Killer Feet, Stray Vampires

A cool new Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes sales sheet, this one coming from Japan, no strangers to planets owned and operated by apes. In 1985, there was a Japanese Planet of the Apes rip-off called, Time of the Apes. (It was a strung-together movie made from several episodes of a Japanese TV show.) It’s since been re-titled Canines of the Caribbean. Not confusing at all.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes arrives everywhere May 10, 2024, even in the Caribbean. And the official plot goes something like this: “Nearly 300 years after the events of War for the Planet of the Apes, ape civilizations have emerged from the oasis to which Caesar led his fellow apes, while humans have regressed into a feral, primitive state. When the ape leader, Proximus Caesar, perverts Caesar’s teachings to enslave other clans in search for remnants of human technologies, Noa, a common chimpanzee, embarks on a harrowing journey alongside a young human named Mae to determine the future for apes and humans alike.”

Kind of redundant given the today’s humans are just one reality TV show away from regressing into a feral primitive state. So while we all start monkeying around in anticipation of Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not drive you bananas. (See what I did there?)…

STILETTO / Out now (VOD)

“A serial killer with a foot fetish stalks and kills his favorite dancers on the anniversary of the brutal murder of an exotic dancer.”

Wonder what would happen if the podophilia serial killer met Bigfoot?

BOTTING / Out now (Indonesia), Release pending US

“Siti, an innocent girl, receives a letter from a man named Jamil, whom she has never met before. In short, Siti was promised that Jamil would propose. However, the marital bliss that Siti was waiting for never came until she behaved strangely and even her parents labeled Siti as crazy due to her abnormal habits, often daydreaming, staring blankly at the beach and wearing a Bugis ‘botting’ wedding dress when entering Maghrib time. Siti’s heartache gets worse when she hears that Jamil will marry another girl named Riska. The climax, at the time of the consent, granted one of them died from stabbing. Who is the victim?”

The viewer. The viewer is the victim.

BLOODLINE KILLER / April 26, 2024 (VOD)

“Moira Cole endeavors to rebuild her shattered life after the murder of her family at the hands of her deranged and obsessed cousin.”

Ironic, as families are usually the reason behind one becoming deranged and obsessed. Take me, for instance… 

DAISY / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“Felix, an Afghan war vet with a not-so sunny disposition as he now tends his late father’s auto repair shop in the small town of Cutler. Struggling daily with PTSD as the soul survivor of his squad, he finds solace in a now full grown creature he brought back from the trenches of war. Unknowingly, Felix has befriended an undiscovered humanoid with a thirst for human blood.”

That’s the problem with stray vampiric creatures. You feed it human blood once and you’ll never be able to get rid of it.