Archive for haunted

A Ghost You Can’t See

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Dead Room

In the 2015 scare-deficient The Dead Room, three paranormal researchers go into a run down house in the woods that a family fled after being spooked out of their lease by something invisible and angry. Think Casper the Unfriendly Ghost. An insurance company hired them to prove/disprove the place is haunted. It is. Claim settled.

The Dead Room

The team is made up of Holly, a young Goth-y girl who is a psychic, Liam, the guy who knows how to run all the cameras/gear by plugging the right chords into the right holes, and the older man, Scott, is an outright skeptic. Once geared up, they wait for the ghost to make spooky stuff happen. It takes a while, but soon the unseeable entity starts throwing furniture around like it was being yanked by fishing line. Then anything sharp gets hucked right at soft and splittable heads.

The Dead Room

After much door slamming, windows breaking, books unshelving themselves and indoor wind, the crew abandons their paid gig and packs their cameras to leave. It’s here they see smoke-like smoke coming from behind a wall. Doesn’t smell like burning, so clearly there’s a ghost in the walls. Time for some sledgehammer action.

The Dead Room

After breaking through the sheetrock, they discover a room with a ladder leading down into a hole. Well heck, who wouldn’t want to go down there? I’m surprised there wasn’t a pushing contest to see who got to go first. Once in the “basement”, they find a mummified corpse of an old woman chained to a chair. She looks like she hasn’t washed her hair for decades. Ick.

The Dead Room

And it’s here the team figures out the secret behind the hauntings. Unfortunately, their revelation came a few beats too late and the ghost you never get to see evicts all of them — permanently. If this sounds familiar, it’s because they took giant ice cream scoops of The Legend of Hell House (1973) and slapped a dumb title on it.

Expensive UFOs, Ghost Selfies, Fear of Fear

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Found some really cool Close Encounters of the Third Kind art (by artist Daniel Keane) on the Internet. (The term “world wide web” is so Netscape 3). This got me thinking about that recently released Navy jet fighter footage of a UFO pretty much outmaneuvering them as if playing paranormal dodgeball.

UFO

Made public (finally) by the Pentagon last December, the footage was shot back in 2004 and was so convincing the Pentagon emptied the collection plate for $22 million to study the “40-foot-long Tic Tac” and its relatives. And yet we can’t come up with a few hundred bucks to fix that @#$%! pothole on the street in front of my house? I already did the research — it’s definitely a hole. It’s so big, you could put other holes in it.

UFOs

Here’s how the government rationalized the fund folly — retired Cmdr. David Fravor told CNN’s The Situation Room the money spent on the program was a drop in the bucket relative to the military’s over half-a-trillion-dollar annual budget. Pffft — I would’ve done the legwork for 82% of that amount.

On that promissory note, here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that the military may or may not spend a million billion dollars to study…

Irrational Fear

IRRATIONAL FEAR (available now)
“Six therapy patients are brought together at a secluded cabin to confront their strangest fears. But these fears won’t just hurt them…they will kill them.”

My strangest fears include never getting to ride in that Death Proof (2007) Chevy Nova™, invisible dog poop on visible sidewalks, and getting bitten by a radioactive spider and webbing my pants in front of the Green Goblin. That would be embarrassing on so many levels.

Malicious

MALICIOUS (Summer, 2018)
“When a young college professor Adam and his pregnant wife Lisa suffer a traumatic event, they find themselves along with Lisa’s sister Becky haunted — and connected — to a malicious entity. It is only when Adam calls upon Dr. Clark, a professor of parapsychology at the university, that the true horror of what they have encountered becomes clear.”

Lots of movie gals getting knocked up by evil these days: Restraint (2018), The Lullaby (2018), Still/Born (2018), Prevenge (2016), Shelley (2016), Devil’s Due (2014), Delivery (2013), The Clinic (2010), Grace (2009), etc. And let us not forget Rosemary’s Baby (1968), the gold standard for crib horror. (Honorary mention: It’s Alive/1974.) Why, there’s enough pregnancy-gone-wrong movies to fill up 40 weeks. Heh. For a really lurid take on this genre, try Inseminoid (1981). If the title doesn’t fill your diapers, the plot will: “A space-team member goes berserk after being impregnated by something on another planet.” It appears somethings on other planets don’t practice safe sex. I bet they don’t even pay child support, either, those losers.

Aura

AURA (November 8, 2018/UK— 2018/2019/US)
“Said to revolve around the concept of photographing your own aura, known as Kirlian photography.”

So you take a selfie of yourself sucking in your cheeks in like an anorexic/narcissistic supermodel and a ghost demon shows up in the photo? Just as it’s not making that two-fingered “peace sign” dealie behind my head, I’m okay with the photo-op. Ready for my close-up.

200 Hours

200 HOURS (2018)
“It’s 1986 and a group of graduate students are close to discovering a cure for sleep using an experimental new drug, but something goes terribly wrong with a test subject. After their department is shut down, the team moves forward in secret — only this time on themselves.”

Sounds like a rip-off of A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) and Flatliners (1990/2017). More rip-offery: The movie’s logo rips freely from Stranger Things (2016). And the bra that gal is sporting? I’m wearing the same one!

Alien Nightlight, Murderous Mermaid, Nazi Ghost Zombie

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Nostromo

Just because it was blown into black hole shavings back in 2127, you can still own the Nostromo ship from Alien (1979). Can’t fly it, though, as it’s pretty much a nightstand recreation that’s been hi-tech engineered to also be a lamp. And hey, it comes with its own Xenomorph! (Just to clarify, the “illuminated sculpture” is a recreation of the Alien Lockmart CM-88B Bison M-Class Star Freighter — U.S.C.S.S. Nostromo, not the actual refinery/beater mom ship in the movie.)

Nostromo

This cool piece of Alien memorabilia comes courtesy of The Bradford Exchange and sells for $99.99. Neat — one penny shy of $100, which I can’t afford. I can, however, get a die-cast version over at themotorpool.net for $79.99. Should be enough bling in the ‘ol Alien head cookie jar to get one.

Alien cookie jar

Anyway, here’s the press release…

The Bradford Exchange, Hawthorne Village Division, is excited to offer a special opportunity to reserve the Alien: Nostromo Masterpiece Sculpture, an officially-licensed sculpture exquisitely capturing the doomed ship and the dreaded Xenomorph. Pending sufficient demand, this Alien sculpture is sure to bring the horror of this landmark sci-fi film to vividly nightmarish three-dimensional life!”

Nostromo

“Impressively sized at one foot long, this Alien sculpture will be handcrafted and hand-painted to highlight its unprecedented detailing from every angle, from the ship itself to the intricate base with official logo. The Xenomorph, a pure killing machine with its whiplash tail, clawed hands and deadly dual jaws, will be poised for attack under the doomed ship. Plus, it will light up to cast an eerie green glow on the ship and the deadly creature that lurks below it.”

Nostromo

This is a fancy way of saying, you/I/me/us need to have it. Here’s the catch — these are made to order, so unless they get a pile of preorders, this ship will not fly. So get in line HERE.

Nostromo

While you’re clearing your nightstand of pesky books (who needs ‘em when you have TV?), here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not light up your life…or nightstand…

Survive The Hollow Shoals

SURVIVE THE HOLLOW SHOALS (available now)
Zach Weiland is a survival enthusiast who embarks on a 60 day survival challenge in the Hollow Shoals of Georgia. His primary objective is to find clean drinkable water, build a shelter and create a fire. Throughout Zach’s survival challenge he is stalked and harassed by an evil entity that haunts the Shoals.”

Worst. Movie. Art. Ever.

Siren

SIREN (March 29, 2018)
“When the arrival of a mysterious girl proves this folklore all too true, the battle between man and sea takes a very vicious turn as these predatory beings return to reclaim their right to the ocean.”

I wrote about a pile of mermaid movies/books back in 2010. You’d think someone would come up with a better name than Siren (used often) for a killer mermaid. How about Squishy Fishy? Who wouldn’t go see a movie with snappy title like that?

Living Space

LIVING SPACE (March, 2018)
“College sweethearts Brad and Ashley venture into the heartland of Germany. Their romantic holiday takes a sinister turn when encountering a German SS Officer, thrusting them into a psychological vortex revealing there is not always life in a ‘Living Space’”.

Lemme get this straight — a Nazi ghost zombie? Sounds romantic to me, too!

Soft Matter

SOFT MATTER (2018)
“Two graffiti artists break into an abandoned and reportedly haunted research facility in hopes of creating an art installation. They instead stumble upon a team of demented researchers who are in the process of resurrecting an ancient sea creature — who they now must fight in order to not become their next experiment.”

The plot doesn’t exactly kick you in the soft matter, but what the heck — I could go for some ancient seafood. I hope the monster graffitis the walls with the “artist’s” inner paint palette.

Naked Ghost

Posted in Classic Horror, Ghosts, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Haunted

The generically-titled Haunted (1995) is a supernatural thriller with sexy results set in the early 1900s. And by sexy, I mean seeing a young and fetching Kate Beckinsale de-clothed and having premarital bouncy-bounce with the parapsychologist investigating her and her two brother’s Edbrook Manor to see if it’s really haunted.

Haunted

Professor David Ash is tormented by the drowning death of his sister. (Hello — did the sign not say “no lifeguard on duty”?) So he goes around debunking ghosts, even though his sister is one. When he arrives at Edbrook it doesn’t take long for eerie doo doo to start hitting the eerie fan.

HauntedIt’s all standard ghost house stuff, but the best part happens when Kate de-clothes herself. She doesn’t really need ’em because she and her brother are the poltergeists that are haunting their own house. (Don’t give me that look — you would’ve figured it out 15 minutes into the flick.) Just watch it to see Kate do with the professor what she won’t be doing with you.

Haunted

Mummies, Monsters, Muscles

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hercules in the Haunted World

Of the 1,000 movies starring the strongest human this side of Popeye, Hercules in the Haunted World (1961) stands out because it has flying ghost mummies, a talking rock monster, damned women, and feats of physical strength unseen since I managed to get that really tight lid off a jar of peanut butter last week…with my bare hands!

Hercules in the Haunted World

Hercules and his stylish facial hair is back from dicking around on a bunch of adventures and wants to hook up with Princess Dianara. But she doesn’t recognize him as she’s in a trance. Or on drugs. Same diff. Her only hope is for Hercules to go to Hell and bring back the Living Stone to get her to snap out of it so they can get down to getting down.

Hercules in the Haunted World

Hercules flex battles an army of flying grease mummies, throws stone pillars around like they were made of Styrofoam and punches the smirk off Lyco, the main evil dude.

Hercules in the Haunted World

I ask you — how could anyone not like a movie with all these entertaining elements, as if seeing muscle men running around in alarmingly small togas wasn’t enough?

Ghost Hotels, Unnatural Disasters and Cigar Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stanley Hotel

Prepping for my annual solo holiday trek to downtown Portland, OR, my favorite city within 175 miles from where I’m littering. This year will be a bit different as I plan on visiting several Chamber of Commerce endorsed haunted buildings, one of which happens to be the very hotel I’m staying at. (Love the new bathroom upgrades at The Benson, but the ghosts could be a bit more spookier.)

Room 217

The hotel that’s on my bucket list is, of course, The Stanley Hotel (aka, The Overlook Hotel in The Shining), located at 333 E Wonderview Ave, Estes Park, CO. (And in case you need the zip code: 80517.) Their website has this to say about that: “The Stanley Hotel features a variety of rooms with high paranormal activity including the famous Stephen King Suite 217, the Ghost Hunters’ favorite room 401; as well as 407, 428 and 1302. These are among our most-requested rooms, availability is limited.”

White Eagle Saloon

While I polter-hunt/drink in Old Town Pizza, Crystal Ballroom and the White Eagle Saloon, all of which have documented ghost sightings (and tasty snacks), here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not scare the Christmas wrap outta you…

Dangerous People

DANGEROUS PEOPLE (available now)
“In the early 1970s two murderers pick up a girl in a bar and take her back to their apartment. A moment of brutal violence occurs, which leads to a series of mind games to see who lives and who dies. Dangerous People is a psychedelic trip that is equal parts crazy, scary, sexy, funny, sick and tragic.”

Crazy, scary, sexy, funny, sick and tragic. Aren’t those the ingredients on Fruity Pebbles™ cereal boxes? (That stuff has more artificial coloring than a beauty parlor.)

Channel Zero: Butcher's Block

CHANNEL ZERO: BUTCHER’S BLOCK (2018)
“Inspired by Kerry Hammond’s ‘Search and Rescue Woods’ Creepypasta tale, Butcher’s Block tells the story of a young woman named Alice who moves to a new city and learns about a series of disappearances that may be connected to a baffling rumor about mysterious staircases in the city’s worst neighborhoods. With help from her sister, they discover that something is preying on the city’s residents.”

This sounds a lot better than the fizzled dud, Channel Zero: No-End House (2017). Sure, it got off to a great start, what with some teens going into a reputed spook house that preys on your innermost fears and doesn’t have an exit. But every slow-moving episode that followed felt like a no-end mini-series.

The Quake

THE QUAKE (2018)
“In 1904 an earthquake of magnitude 5.4 on the Richter Scale shook Oslo, with an epicenter in the ‘Oslo Graben’, which runs under the Norwegian capital. There are now signs that indicate that we can expect a major future earthquake in Oslo.”

You could almost predict this one — it’s being done by the same folks who made the Norwegian hit disaster movie, The Wave (2015). Another prediction: Once The Quake comes out, they’ll start working on The Really Windy Day, A Tree In the Road and The Pothole.

Rise of the Living Dead

RISE OF THE LIVING DEAD (2018)
“In 1962, Dr. Ryan Cartwright was on the scientific and altruistic path to find a way for humans to sustain life in the event of M.A.D. (Mutual Assured Destruction), a huge topic brought on by the Cuban Missile Crisis. Little did he know that over the course of the next several years of his life, he would take a well-funded and military focused journey to the darkest corners of the world as he creates the ultimate weapon for the government and a curse that will plague mankind for the rest of days.”

Cool title for YET ANOTHER zombie movie. Interesting to frame it around the Cuban Missile Crisis, which, I always thought was a near miss catastrophe about the Cuban cigar shortage. (Cigars are missile-shaped, hence, I assumed, the term.) Warning: this is what beer does to you.

Hanging Out With Ghosts

Posted in Asian Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 9, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Heirloom

James hasn’t been home for a while. Twenty years, in fact, studying abroad. (Instead of studying a broad — heh.) Imagine his surprise when he finds out he’s inherited the family’s huge mansion and can live there rent free. Sure, the place is in disrepair and could use a good de-ghosting. But free is always a good thing. Or is it?

The Heirloom

James invites his friends over to drink some wine. (What, you too good for beer? Posers.) During the sipping something happens to their guests. The house has that effect on people, seeing how all those years ago the entire family committed suicide by hanging — all at the same time. The family that slays together, stays together.

The Heirloom

Over the course of the slowly advancing plot, we discover the multi-millionaire family used ghost children to help make them powerful and rich, and a way to smite their enemies. All this time I thought you just needed to rub a lamp. The care and feeding of the ghosts is another issue altogether, using family members’ um, juices for spiritual potato chips. If you got sick or came down with a case of the brain tumors and polluted the food chain, then into the attic you went — for years.

The Heirloom

The bottom line is James’ friends are being hanged by invisible rope. (It’s amazing how technology has advanced.) His girlfriend finds out the secret of the tainted house and why it seems more haunted than usual.

The Heirloom

The Heirloom (aka, Zhai bian/2005) is murderously tedious, not particularly creepy, and bogged down with too much talk (sub-titles), and not nearly enough cursed spirits. This is surprising given that there are so many ghosts out of work, a fair number of whom would intern for free if given the chance.