Archive for the Misc. Horror Category

Sin Sauna

Posted in Evil, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , on January 27, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sauna

The year is 1595 and Sweden and Russia have decided to stop fighting. About darn tootin’ time — this battle has been going on for 25 years, and it’s left Finland little more than a semi-populated mud puddle.

Sauna

Two brothers — one whose been doing the war thing for the entire time, and another who was in school trying to become a teacher — are part of a border recognition treaty detail (complete with rule-breaking Russians), assigned to make maps of the land to be designated to both countries, so each side will know which Starbuck’s™ belongs to whom.

Sauna

Seemed easy enough. But the older brother is prone to mood swings, stabs someone 73 times (I counted) in the chest to teach him a valuable lesson about war. This number is significant as he’s killed 73 people during the war. I’d have rounded up.

Sauna

The younger brother is appalled by the emotionless/remorseless war-time behavior, but goes along just the same. They end up in a dark sauna in the middle of the swamp they’ve been mapping. To enter means you have to face up to all your sins, which could be a problem given all the atrocities the older brother has committed in the fine name of war. Once inside he’s tended to by a dark figure who grabs the guy’s face and black stuff starts pouring out as he screams. I’d scream, too, no matter which hole was leaking black stuff.

Sauna

I didn’t know how to interpret this. Was it a metaphor? Where’d his face go? Did it freeze and fall off in the snow? And is that black stuff really Finland beer? If so, where can I get some? A parable of sorts, Sauna (2008) qualifies as art, so I guess I better refer to it as a “film.” Just wish I knew what the hell it was about.

Galloping Ghosts, Another Apocalypse, Leggy Mermaids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Galloping Ghost Arcade

Wanna play rare and classic horror/sci-fi-themed pinball? Then you’re gonna have to gallop to the Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookfield, IL. Depending where you live if not in Brookfield, the cost of getting there will be a LOT of quarters.

Galloping Ghost Arcade

The famed arcade now has said super rare pinball machines, ready to suck up your pocket change like a hobo Roomba™: Twilight Zone, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Addams Family, Godzilla (the sucky 1998 monster, not the non-sucky 1954 version), Tales From The Crypt, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aliens, and the super-rare one-of-a-kind prototype of Predator, with red skulls on elongated skeletal spines mounted on each side of the machine. If you lose, your skull plus spine gets ripped out and hung on the trophy wall. (It’d be cool if that were true.)

Galloping Ghost Arcade

$15 — $20 gets you unlimited play on all the machines all day. I would’ve paid at least $20.01. So while you inner weep with anguish that you’re not within tilting distance of the Galloping Ghost Arcade, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series and movies that may or may not give you unlimited viewing for $20, give or take a few quarters…

The Passage

THE PASSAGE (January 14, 2019/Fox™)
“Based on author Justin Cronin’s trilogy of the same name, The Passage is a character-driven action drama that focuses on Project Noah, a secret medical facility where scientists experiment with a dangerous virus that could lead to the cure for all disease — but it also could potentially wipe out the human race. When a young girl is chosen to be a test subject, a federal agent is tasked with bringing her in, but he becomes her surrogate father, determined to protect her at any cost — even as Project Noah’s work threatens to unleash an unimaginable apocalypse.”

This one’s a TV series and sounds apocalyptical-y edgier than we’re used to getting from the Fox Network. The irony here being that most of Fox’s programming qualifies as apocalyptical-y craptacular, Gotham, The Exorcist and Lucifer notwithstanding. (Hell’s Kitchen? Is that stupid thing still on the air?)

10

10 (January 18, 2019/Netflix)
Sam, a teenage girl, is one of the last people on a post-cataclysmic Earth. With the final shuttle scheduled to leave the planet, she must decide whether to journey to the launch point and join the rest of humanity, or remain on Earth, a castaway in the only home she has ever known.”

This looks to be based on an episode of Futurama (“A Farewell To Arms”/2012). Don’t screw with a guy who knows his cartoons.

The Golem

THE GOLEM (February 5, 2019)
“During an outbreak of a deadly plague, a young woman, Hanna, must save her tight-knit Jewish community from invaders. Turning to Jewish mysticism, she conjures a dangerous entity to protect her and her people. However, the powerful creature she summons may be far more evil than anything she could have ever imagined.”

Wrote about the original Golem before — several times. It was done in 1915 and was a German silent film, blah, blah, blah. And yes, there have been remakes with the EXACT SAME PLOT.

The Isle

THE ISLE (February, 2019/Limited theater release)
“Set in 1846 on a remote island off the west coast of Scotland, where three survivors from a mysterious sinking of their merchant ship find themselves stranded on a small misty isle. The isle’s four sole secretive residents, an old harbor man, a farmer, his niece and a young mad woman, are anything but welcoming and reluctant to aid the sailors back to the mainland. The promise of a boat never materializes leading one of the sailors to question why people had abandoned the island. Through his investigation he discovers that every year around the same date a tragedy at sea would occur and young men from the island would perish. When his two shipmates meet with fatal accidents, the myth of a ghostly siren haunting the island leads him to try and uncover the truth.”

Sounds like mermaids with legs. (Come to think of it, nice visual.) This also seems to echo the plot of the new movie, The Vanishing (2019). I haven’t seen that one yet, but I don’t think it has mermaids with legs. Too bad; I might’ve watched it twice by now. 

Sweet Tooth Sci-Fi, Early-Period Zombies, Marsh Monster

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stranger Things

If you’re a fan of Stranger Things (and who on this planet isn’t?), Itsugar.com just made available a whole bowl of Stranger Things themed candy, from My Little Pollywog gummy to Barb Missing Milk Carton (full of chocolate malt balls) to the Upside Down Chocolate Bar — half premium milk chocolate and half gray-speckled white chocolate. Pack your bags — you’re about to go to Yum Town.

Stranger Things

Stranger Things

Before you go indulging your taste for all things stranger and sweet, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi streaming series, which may or may not give you cavities…

Stranger Things 3

STRANGER THINGS 3 (July 4, 2019/Netflix™)
Titles for the new episodes include: “Suzie, Do You Copy?, “The Mall Rats,” “The Case of the Missing Lifeguard,” “The Sauna Test,” “The Source,” “The Birthday,” “The Bite” and “The Battle of Starcourt.”

That’s all they’re giving us for now. Fine by me — the Stranger Things series is so addictively bingeful, it should be classified as some sort of visual drug, like porno. Except instead of Jennifer Lawrence’s Photoshopped naked/nude body wrapped around mine, you get the Demogorgon, which may or may not know who Jennifer Lawrence is. Or me.

Kingdom

KINGDOM (January 26, 2019/Netflix™)
In a kingdom defeated by corruption and famine, a mysterious plague spreads to turn the infected into monsters. The crown prince, framed for treason and desperate to save his people, sets out on a journey to unveil what evil lurks in the dark.

Looking forward to this South Korean period piece zombie apocalypse chewfest. And hey, it’s gonna be a series, which means more couch time for this professional squatter.

The Punisher

THE PUNISHER (2019/Netflix™)
“After exacting revenge on those responsible for the death of his wife and children, Frank Castle uncovers a conspiracy that runs far deeper than New York’s criminal underworld. Now known throughout the city as The Punisher, he must discover the truth about injustices that affect more than his family alone.”

If you saw Season One of Netflix’s The Punisher, it certainly lived up to its name — each show contained some of the most face-pinchingly brutal fight scenes this side of Daredevil ever filmed for enjoyment purposes. And Jon Bernthal, who played the loose cannon Shane on The Walking Dead, is the perfect choice to deliver the business end of his pummel-happy fists. I am so happy right now.

Swamp Thing

SWAMP THING (2019/DC Universe)
Abby Arcane, an employee at Atlanta’s Center for Disease Control, investigates what seems to be a deadly swamp-born virus in a small town in Louisiana but soon discovers that the swamp holds mystical and terrifying secrets.”

A new series set to stream on DC Universe. As much as Swamp Thing is cool, it remains to be seen if he’s $7.99 a month cool.

Cannibals, Evil Hospitals, Murderous Relatives

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Thing

There’s good news and bad news about this awesome hand-painted poster of the 1981 remake of The Thing. The good news first: It was done by Matthew Peak, the guy who did five Nightmare on Elm Street movie posters. It’s 24”x36” and is hand-numbered and limited to 225 copies for $65.00. (And like my liver, it also glows in the dark.)

The bad news: The poster is already sold out. But check back with the super cool bottleneckgallery.com to see if it’ll be re-issued. You’re welcome. 

The Thing

So whilst I was on Christmas holiday, a bunch of horror/sci-fi movies were released without my permission. My biggest pet peeve with this blog is when movies slip under my radar. So if they got by you as well, here are a few new ones ready to view-per-pay…

The Harrowing

THE HARROWING (available now)
“Haunted by the ritualistic killing of his best friend, a vice detective determined to discover the truth goes undercover into a forensic hospital and is plunged into his own personal hell where demons might be real.”

The demon is really the hospital’s resident proctologist with a really big finger.

Book of Evil

BOOK OF EVIL (available now)
Stan Harris is a procrastinating horror novelist who gets a call from his publisher warning him that he’s only got until the end of the night to complete his latest work. As paranormal events start unfolding around him, Stan finds all new inspiration, and danger, while completing his stories.”

Hey Stan, if you want inspiration for horror stories, meet me at The Tug Tavern — I have such sights to show you.

Cannibals and Carpet Fitters

CANNIBALS AND CARPET FITTERS (available now)
“A group of carpet fitters are sent on a job to an old country house in the middle of nowhere. However they soon discover it’s a trap set up by the savage, cannibalistic family, The Hannings. The carpet fitters are forced to fight for their lives or risk ending up being the evenings dinner. Unfortunately they are not quite your typical heroes!”

Sounds like a British spin on Tucker And Dale Versus Evil (2010). That is not a bad thing. And hey, who doesn’t like British carpet fitters or cannibals, mate?

Sometimes Aunt Martha Does Dreadful Things

SOMETIMES AUNT MARTHA DOES DREADFUL THINGS (available now)
“While on the run from the law, two criminals decide to hide out in a small Florida town. The ringleader, Paul, concocts a plan to pretend to be his child-like accomplice Stanley’s estranged Aunt Martha. Taking over a large old house, Paul and Stanley attempt to lay low, but trouble soon arises when a local girl takes a liking to Stanley and invites him out with her friends. Paul, becoming increasingly paranoid, decides that the only way they can maintain their cover is by murdering everyone who has even the slightest suspicion of what’s really going on, but Stanley isn’t so sure he wants to keep on hiding.”

Cool movie title, but yeesh — this plot needs some work. Let’s start by taking out all the characters and improv the rest.

Giant Monster Punchfest, Superhero Jamboree, UFO Boy

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla, King of the Monsters

The latest key art for Godzilla, King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019) is almost as cool as the new trailer, which features all the kaiju monsters knocking over cities as if said cities were made of cement Legos™. (The bottom art was expertly done by art phenom Christopher Shy and you can actually buy it. Do so — today, if possible.)

Godzilla, King of the Monsters

So it’s to be a Battle Royale between Godzilla, King Ghidorah, Mothra and Rodan. The cards are already stacked against Godzilla’s foes, however. Hey, if your name is the title of the movie…

Godzilla, King of the Monsters

While we impatiently wait to see giant monsters violate each other’s bathing suit area, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi/superhero movies that may or may not feel like a punch in the groin…

Us

US (March, 2019)
“A mother and a father take their kids to their beach house expecting to unplug and unwind with friends. But as night descends, their serenity turns to tension and chaos when some shocking visitors arrive uninvited.”

I bet the uninvited shocking visitors are electric eels. That, or some drunk frat boys. Got my money on the eels, though. Makes sense as it’s a beach house and electric eels — who are naturally shocking — hang out at the beach, like, daily.

Shazam

SHAZAM! (April 5, 2019)
Billy Batson is a streetwise 14-year-old who can magically transform into the adult superhero Shazam simply by shouting out one word. His newfound powers soon get put to the test when he squares off against the evil Dr. Thaddeus Sivana.”

YET ANOTHER superhero movie. Gotta say, the trailer, though, is pretty dang funny. With Shazam, Venom, Captain Marvel, The Wasp, Aquaman and Batgirl all being added to the superhero locker room, the pool is getting a bit crowded.

Avengers: Endgame

AVENGERS: ENDGAME (April 26, 2019)
“In the aftermath of Thanos wiping out half of all life in the Universe, the remaining Avengers must do what’s necessary to undo the mad titan’s deed.”

Didn’t nearly all of the Avengers die in the last movie? And as for Thanos wiping out half of all life — what’s wrong with the other half?

Brightburn

BRIGHTBURN (May 24, 2019)
“What if a child from another world crash-landed on Earth, but instead of becoming a hero to mankind, he proved to be something far more sinister? A startling, subversive take on a radical new genre: superhero horror.”

Superhero horror. Pretty sure that was already done with Venom and Spawn and Ghost Rider.

Home Alone Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Them

Them is a 2006 French movie, or “film” about a young couple being terrorized by hoodie’d figures while in their sprawling, multi-level country home. That the chick is a school teacher and her boyfriend who appears to make his living just by being handsome, seems highly improbable that these two could afford a one bedroom apartment let alone a veritable mansion surrounded by upscale foliage.

Them

First there are the prank calls. Then goofy noises. Then their power goes out. Then you have 60 minutes of them being chased from room to room by a group of 15 year-old boys.

Them

The boyfriend gets his butt stabbed, which admittedly looked painful. But all this movie is about, is the couple trying to get away from the young boys who murdered a mom and daughter in a stalled vehicle the night before. At least I think they were murdered. You never actually see any murderousness being done. Same with the pursued couple.

Them

Them was trumpeted as “gripping, suspense-filled terror.” It is not. What you will grip, though, is the DVD remote’s fast-forward button. Them’s arguable redeeming quality is that this kind of home invasion horror reignited the genre and gave us a string or “pile” of ‘em, the better ones being The Strangers (2008), The Collector (2009) and You’re Next (2011). The best one? Try When A Stranger Calls, made back in 1979. I think my mom was in that one.

A Truly Crappy Horror Movie

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

13: Game of Death

Pusit is having a bad day — and it’s about to get worse. A musical instrument salesman in Thailand, Pusit’s top client was nabbed by a ladder-climber co-worker and was fired. Then his car was repossessed. Then his mom calls and needs to borrow money he doesn’t have. And there’s a fly that keeps buzzing around his face. Then he gets an unusual cell phone call telling him that if he can kill the fly with that rolled up newspaper at his feet, 10,000 baht (Thailand dollars) will be put in his bank account. Smacko!

13: Game of Death

The phone rings again showing his bank account has been credited. Then the caller issues another challenge: eat the dead fly and more money will be put in his account. Yummy. His phone rings again with more money verified. (That never happens to me.)

13: Game of Death

Then the game begins. The mysterious caller issues a challenge: complete 13 “games” and 100 million baht ($318,347,000.00 in U.S. funds — I checked) will be his.

13: Game of Death

The tasks start out simple, like making at least three children cry. But it’s the restaurant “game” that’s really tough to watch. Pusit is instructed to walk into a four-star eatery where he is seated and brought a covered dish. The caller says he must eat what’s under the dish in order to go to the next level. The lid comes off and it’s a big plate of something that belongs in a toilet, with gravy and a broccoli floret and slice of tomato. You may not want to watch this scene as he takes his first bite — and finishes the job, even licking the plate. I had to stop the movie right there and go brush my teeth with Clorox™. 

13: Game of Death

The subsequent challenges get a little more tough, each with consequences. Most of this stuff is funny, but the movie takes a slow harsh turn involving a wire clothesline, a Samurai sword, a little dog and a poop lollipop (sorry, made that last one up).

13: Game of Death

The tension gets to the point where you’re really rooting for Pusit as he’s trying like hell to play the game right. But now the cops are after him, as is his co-worker chick friend who discovers what “the game” is and sets out to stop it before any more harmless crap gets eaten.

13: Game of Death

The ending  of 13: Game of Death (2006) is not what you’d expect or predict, and when you think about it, is the only way to tie things up. An intense flick, for sure; You aren’t gonna see many this bizarre or tasty (kidding). Just have your toothbrush standing by.