Archive for the Godzilla Category

17 Godzillas, Pool Monsters, Satanic Country Clubs

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Another key art treatment for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). This would be the ninth one, and I hope they make nine more. I need to cover an entire wall that needs paint. The latest trailer asks the question, how many Titans (embiggened monsters) are there? To which Dr. Ishiro Serizawa replies: “17.” I bet one of ‘em is living in the apartment above me, stomping on the floor like it was Tokyo.”

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

To quell your nervous anticipation for the movie, here are a few upcoming/now available horror movies that may or may not be as horrifying as a paint neglected wall…

Drowning Echo

DROWNING ECHO (available now)
“During a visit to friends, Sara begins having visions and is attacked by an unearthly creature in her friend’s swimming pool; she soon discovers that anyone who comes into contact with the water is in danger and she is driven to confront the mystical and malevolent creature lurking in the depths.”

When I was a kid and visited local community swimming pools, the unearthly creature at the bottom of the pools was usually a turd. I didn’t do it. But I know who did: Republicans.

The Velocipastor

THE VELOCIPASTOR (2019)
“After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality, but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight evil — and ninjas.”

So a priest who can turn into a dinosaur or “Jesus horse.” Now THERE’S a way to make religion way more interesting. Wrote about this back in 2011. Kinda surprised I can remember back that far. It was a trailer for a movie that hadn’t been made yet. Now, all these multiple months later, it’s here. Thank Dino Lord.

Hail Satan?

HAIL SATAN? (2019)
“The Satanic Temple, a mysterious organization led by Lucien Greaves, has called for a Satanic revolution to save the soul of the US.”

One nation, under Satan, for meanness and evil for all. Isn’t that what’s going on now?

Satanic Panic

SATANIC PANIC (2019/20120)
“Times are tough for Sam. Already a cancer survivor at 22, she eeks out a meager existence delivering pizza for minimum wage — and minimum tips — while dealing with an exploitative boss and obnoxious coworkers. When the final delivery of the night promises to take her to a wealthy neighborhood with the chance of a healthy tip, she takes the opportunity to make up for an unprofitable shift. What begins as a quest for cash ends up as a quest for survival, though, when it turns out her customers aren’t who she’s used to delivering to. Instead, they’re a Satanic cult of a very different color: high-society elites for whom worshiping the Dark Lord coexists with country clubs and casseroles.”

A high-society Satanic cult that hangs out in country clubs and eats pizza and casseroles instead of chi-tos (heh)? Clearly, there are more perks to being evil than originally assessed.

Sculpted Monsters, Devil’s Food, Undead Nazi Airbnb

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shin Ghidorah

As the countdown clock has begun for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019), talk around the grocery store (condiments aisle) is that King Ghidorah, one of G’s most formidable foes, will somehow be involved in an epic fracas that will no doubt end up with garbage cans being tipped over and flower gardens thoughtlessly trampled on. The implications are staggering.

Godzilla

On the eve of what looks to be the biggest Godzilla movie of all time and space, comes an incredible art piece of King Ghidorah reimagined as Shin Ghidorah from crazy talented 3D sculptor/artist, Dope Pope. (And no, “Shin” does not refer to KG’s legs.)

Gigan

You can buy this must-have illustration online. While you’re salivating, take a look at Dope Pope’s other otherworldly 3D illustrations: everything from Godzilla and Mutos, to Gigan and the Cloverfield Monster. (DP designs monsters for video games and Jesus. Kidding — no word on whether Dope Pope has even met Godzilla’s son, Jesuszilla.)

Dope Pope

Before you put your bus change into an envelope and mail it to Dope Pope, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as dope as the Pope…

The Devil's Restaurant

THE DEVIL’S RESTAURANT (available now)
“A struggling restaurant manager makes a deal with the Devil, who lures endless patrons to his flailing restaurant, but in return the manager must feed the guests to a demon who lurks in the basement. Business is booming, and the reviews are glowing, that is until an unwitting waiter stumbles into the basement.”

Order the filet of soul — I hear it’s to die for.

The Banished

THE BANISHED (available now)
“A disabled man is haunted by the torture he suffered as a child when his terminally ill half-sister returns to their small Upstate New York town seeking answers to why their mother abandoned her 40 years before, which sets them both on a tragic and horrific journey.”

Yeesh — if I knew I was terminally ill, I’d be going to Disneyland™ instead of Upstate New York where I seriously doubt they have a Splash Mountain™.

Living Space

LIVING SPACE (aka, Nazi Undead/available now)
“A romantic holiday in Germany turns into a nightmare when a young couple discover that their lodgings are haunted by the ghost of a Nazi SS officer convicted for the murder of his family. Trapped in a vortex of horror, they must escape the house or suffer the same fate.”

Missed this one when it had a limited release in 2018. (I was planning my vacation to spelunk Splash Mountain™.) I may have tagged this one before, but am just too unmotivated (hungover) to check. Originally titled Living Space, it was changed to Nazi Undead for the DVD/VOD release. That has more zing.

Perfect

PERFECT (June 21, 2019)
“A mother sends an emotionally-troubled young man to a clinic, where modernist serenity whispers soothing promises of perfection. By planting plug-and-play characteristics directly into his own body, he is relieved of his dark, twisted visions, but his body pays the price for purity of mind.”

Sounds like me after a week of binge-drinking.

Godzilla-Sized Godzilla, Demonizing Sex, Emo Witch

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Another key art poster for Godzilla: King of the Monsters, and it’s even more kick-ass than the ones before it. This one shows Godzilla squaring off with King Ghidorah while a state capitol no doubt full of screaming Republicans burns metaphorically beneath them. That sentence was as satisfying as a hot shower with limitless Mr. Bubble™.

Total Film

As I’ve gushed over and over, Godzilla: King of the Monsters arrives May 31, 2019. I have Alexa™ doing a countdown for me. To help me control my pee shivers is a cover story on the movie, courtesy of Total Film magazine, which hit the streets today (March 8, 2019). Clearly, I’ll need moist towelettes standing by while I read it.

King Ghidorah

While we wait to see these titans clash, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make Republicans scream…

Catskill Park

CATSKILL PARK (available now)
“Based on a real story, Catskill Park is a chilling tale about a camping trip that turns into a living nightmare when a blizzard traps four friends in 36 inches of sudden snow on Halloween night. A race for life ensues as they are hunted by horrific monsters, discovering a larger alien conspiracy with every terrifying stride.”

Horrific monsters, alien conspiracies and three-feet of soon-to-become-yellow danger snow? Sounds like Seattle during our snow apocalypse a few weeks ago.

Porno

PORNO (2019)
“When a group of naive teens working at a movie theater in a small Christian town discover a mysterious film hidden in its basement, they unleash an alluring succubus who gives them a sex education…written in blood.”

I really should check my basement for succubus infestation. For educational purposes. Ahem.

Tone-Deaf

TONE-DEAF (2019)
After losing her job and imploding her latest dysfunctional relationship, millennial Olive leaves the city for a weekend of peace in the country, only to discover the shockingly dark underbelly of rural America. She rents an eccentric, ornate country house from Harvey, an old-fashioned widower who’s struggling to hide his psychopathic tendencies. Soon two generations collide with terrifying results in this home invasion horror film that is also a darkly comedic critique of the bizarre cultural and political climate that currently exists.”

Harvey is holding back — I say put your psychopathic tendencies on the glass. To do otherwise would be unhealthy.

Daughter of Dismay

DAUGHTER OF DISMAY (2019)
Daughter of Dismay tells the surreal and mystical tale of an emotionally broken witch. She enters the darkness of the woods to fulfill her biggest desire, for which she takes extreme and radical measures that will have sinister consequences. Portrayed in elegant painting-like images, the film is an epic, moving and emotional trip through a world of witchcraft and occultism, leading to a heartbreaking and melancholic finale.”

So this moody witch goes into the woods to “fulfill her biggest desire.” That can only mean one thing: she found Bigfoot on Tinder™.

Vampire TV, Intellectual Grave-Digging, Cellphone Evil

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Science Fiction, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

What We Do In The Shadows

A couple of cool new key art posters for the impending What We Do In The Shadows TV series arriving March 27. 2019. Cooler, still —  like radioactive flatulence, these things glow in the dark.

What We Do In The Shadows

I’ve tagged this before, but anything worth peating is worth repeating: “Set in Staten Island, FX’sWhat We Do in the Shadows series follows three vampires who have been roommates for hundreds and hundreds of years.”

What We Do IN The Shadows

The same-titled 2014 movie from which this is derived was one of those unexpected home run hits and, like that spore-like stuff in my fridge — continues to grow — will, without hyperbole, become the greatest comedy vampire movie of all time. Okay, clunky sentence. My head hurts.

Until the series debuts next month, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make your farts glow-in-the-dark…

Pet Graveyard

PET GRAVEYARD (April 2, 2019)
“A group of friends are tormented by the Grim Reaper and his sinister pet after they undergo an experiment that allows them to revisit the dead.”

You’d think this Pet Sematary (1989/2019) rip-off is coming from Asylum Studios, who are pros at ripping off original ideas. But someone else is using Asylum’s own business model to get away with the same thing. Hey, Asylum — how does that taste?

Sadako

SADAKO (May 24, 2019/Japan)
“A YouTuber tries to awaken Sadako’s curse.”

Not much to go on, but Sadako — along with Kayako — are two of Japan’s most bankable horror movie icons. Outside of Godzilla and his frenemies, that is. And yes, you’ll have to go to Japan to watch this when it comes out. Bring me back something, ‘k?

We Summon The Darkness

WE SUMMON THE DARKNESS (2019)
“The killing spree of murderous Satanists has already led to 18 deaths throughout America’s Heartland. Three best friends Alexis, Val and Beverly embark on a road trip to a heavy metal music festival. Naive, they bond with three seemingly fun-loving dudes and soon the group heads off to Alexis’ country home, a very secluded place, for an after-party. What should be a night of fun and youthful debauchery may instead take a dark, deadly turn. With killers on the loose, can anyone be trusted?”

Who cares about generic Satanists? I wanna know what bands are on the bill at the heavy metal festival. Hopefully, a few that kill with riffs and solos instead of sprees.

Larry

LARRY (2019/20120)
“A troubled young boy and his family become the target of a monster that materialized through electronic devices such as smart phones and tablets.”

The irony here being that smart phones and tablets are already the monsters in our lives. And yes, they took the concept from 1989’s Shocker. Horror never forgets.

Toying With Godzilla, A Nice Exorcist, Spider-Man On Vacation

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla

Wanna get toys based on Godzilla: King of the Monsters about the same time the movie comes out on May 31, 2019? Thanks to NECA and Jakks Pacific (and available at Toy Ark), you can and should.

Godzilla

Toys or “Fun Talismans,” include Godzilla (duh) and his frenemies, King Ghidorah, Rodan and Mothra. On their press release, though, they said Fire Godzilla will also be included. Did they just send out a spoiler?

Godzilla

Most of the monsters will be 12 inches tall, with one Godzilla version twice that size, whatever that measures out to be. There will also be smaller versions and even a Godzilla mask in case you wanna goon out the neighbors.

Godzilla

While we make room in the toy box, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not goon out the neighbors…

Animas

ANIMAS (January 25, 2019/Netflix™)
Alex is a confident girl with a strong personality and great tenacity. She’s very close to her best friend Abraham, to whom she provides constant help and support, as Abraham is a shy, withdrawn and insecure boy, mainly due to the complex relationship between he and his parents. But everything changes when Daniel — Abraham’s father — dies in a strange accident, the cause of which is unclear. From this moment on, Alex finds herself on a hallucinatory journey that takes her on a descent into hell, where the line between reality and nightmare becomes blurred to the point that Alex begins to question the foundations of her very existence.”

Descent into hell? Hallucinatory journey? The line between reality and nightmare becomes blurred? Sounds like Alex has been hanging out in the same bars as me.

The Good Exorcist

THE GOOD EXORCIST (February 21, 2019/El Rey/VOD)
“A socially awkward but reliable exorcist attempts to remove a difficult demon from a ranch owned by an eccentric family in Texas. However, the demon proves to be more difficult than the priest assumed it would be.”

Since this is on a ranch, I totally bet the demon is cow. Hey, it’s got horns and shoots some sort of evil fluid from each of its four unholy dangle-y squirt gun type things under its swim suit area. Evil is pronounced “moo” in its hellish language.

Spider-Man: Far From Home

SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME (July 5, 2019)
“Our friendly neighborhood superhero decides to join his best friends Ned, MJ, and the rest of the gang on a European vacation. However, Peter’s plan to leave super heroics behind for a few weeks are quickly scrapped when he begrudgingly agrees to help Nick Fury uncover the mystery of several elemental creature attacks, creating havoc across the continent.”

Just like the last movie (Spider-Man: Homecoming/2017, in case you forgot), the trailer for the new one is so ridiculously cool, you almost don’t need to see the movie. But you’ll just have to. And Spider-Man going up against Mysterio? I just webbed my pants.

The Change Over

THE CHANGE OVER (2019)
“Sixteen year-old Laura Chant lives with her mother and four-year-old brother Jacko in a low-rent suburb on the edge of earthquake-scarred Christchurch, New Zealand. Laura is drawn into a supernatural battle with an ancient spirit who attacks Jacko and slowly drains the life out of him as the spirit becomes ever younger. Laura discovers her true identity and the supernatural ability within her, and must harness it to save her brother’s life.”

There’s a place called, Christchurch? Sounds like a good place for a Holy war to me. That the place is actually real and is plagued by earthquakes makes me wanna move there and get a front row pew.  

A Mountain of Monsters

Posted in Aliens, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Under The Mountain

The first problem with Under The Mountain (2009), a dark fantasy horror flick based on a popular 1979 New Zealand book, and an eight-part TV mini-series, is its bland title. The “tween targeted” movie has tentacled shape-shifters known as Wilberforces, who masquerade as funeral home directors by day, and teenager/planet vanquishing creatures by night. It also has the Gargantua (giant underground bug), slime tunnels, a benevolent alien who can make stuff catch on fire, and volcanoes. So why not call it Theo & The Volcano Lickers or Worm Creatures From Uranus? You wanna sell this thing, yes? Geez.

Under The Mountain

Two Auckland teen twins, a brother and sister, share a telepathic link. I don’t know why, they just do. Rachel and Theo go to live with their uncle and aunt on the scenic and uncomfortably named Lake Pupuke after mom was wormed to death. There’s a decrepit old house on the lake shore inhabited with Wilberforce creatures, who look sorta human during work hours and slug entities resembling Swamp Thing dipped in 30-weight in the evenings.

Under The Mountain

The Wilberforces are aliens who want to destroy the world and have the means to do so with the Gargantua that lives under one of the town’s seven(!) volcanoes. He’s also the size of Godzilla’s waterbed. They can’t accomplish their “planets to destroy” things to do list until they get rid of the telepathic twits, uh, twins. For they hold within their red hair the power to stop the Wilberforces in their slug trails.

Under The Mountain

Enter Mr. Jones, an alien who looks like a human, but is not. He’s been following the Wilberforces around the universe, recruiting twins with the power of “twinness” (their word, not mine). This ability, enhanced by smooth rocks that they’re supposed to chuck into the mouth of the volcano, will cause everything to fire up, thereby frying the Wilberforces like steaks on the barbie. Mr. Jones, a fireraiser, tells them to think more like Frodo and less like dumbasses.

Under The Mountain

He can teleport them around town, but his flame is growing weaker and he’s dying. Am I the only one who thinks drinking charcoal starter fluid might help here? The Wilberforces can smell the twins and chase them all the way to the lake’s main island. I’d tell you the name of it, but it’s too hard to spell. (It’s like those people in New Zealand have a different word for everything.)

Under The Mountain

The showdown between the Wilberforces and the teens is as limp as a case of Brewer’s Droop. These monsters can make their arms and hands grow into wiggling slugs, so why not have some fun with it? And while we’re chatting, the Gargantua never gets out of its underground parking garage. Why even have one if you’re not gonna let it loose on humanity?

Under The Mountain

Kids might like this “horror adventure.” I didn’t, mostly because no one ate anyone’s face off, no buildings were crushed under flailing tentacles, and there wasn’t a single swear word to be heard. If the Wilberforces were after me, you can bet your arse I’d invoke every four-letter cuss in the dictionary, both as exclamations and taunts.

Galloping Ghosts, Another Apocalypse, Leggy Mermaids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Galloping Ghost Arcade

Wanna play rare and classic horror/sci-fi-themed pinball? Then you’re gonna have to gallop to the Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookfield, IL. Depending where you live if not in Brookfield, the cost of getting there will be a LOT of quarters.

Galloping Ghost Arcade

The famed arcade now has said super rare pinball machines, ready to suck up your pocket change like a hobo Roomba™: Twilight Zone, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Addams Family, Godzilla (the sucky 1998 monster, not the non-sucky 1954 version), Tales From The Crypt, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aliens, and the super-rare one-of-a-kind prototype of Predator, with red skulls on elongated skeletal spines mounted on each side of the machine. If you lose, your skull plus spine gets ripped out and hung on the trophy wall. (It’d be cool if that were true.)

Galloping Ghost Arcade

$15 — $20 gets you unlimited play on all the machines all day. I would’ve paid at least $20.01. So while you inner weep with anguish that you’re not within tilting distance of the Galloping Ghost Arcade, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series and movies that may or may not give you unlimited viewing for $20, give or take a few quarters…

The Passage

THE PASSAGE (January 14, 2019/Fox™)
“Based on author Justin Cronin’s trilogy of the same name, The Passage is a character-driven action drama that focuses on Project Noah, a secret medical facility where scientists experiment with a dangerous virus that could lead to the cure for all disease — but it also could potentially wipe out the human race. When a young girl is chosen to be a test subject, a federal agent is tasked with bringing her in, but he becomes her surrogate father, determined to protect her at any cost — even as Project Noah’s work threatens to unleash an unimaginable apocalypse.”

This one’s a TV series and sounds apocalyptical-y edgier than we’re used to getting from the Fox Network. The irony here being that most of Fox’s programming qualifies as apocalyptical-y craptacular, Gotham, The Exorcist and Lucifer notwithstanding. (Hell’s Kitchen? Is that stupid thing still on the air?)

10

10 (January 18, 2019/Netflix)
Sam, a teenage girl, is one of the last people on a post-cataclysmic Earth. With the final shuttle scheduled to leave the planet, she must decide whether to journey to the launch point and join the rest of humanity, or remain on Earth, a castaway in the only home she has ever known.”

This looks to be based on an episode of Futurama (“A Farewell To Arms”/2012). Don’t screw with a guy who knows his cartoons.

The Golem

THE GOLEM (February 5, 2019)
“During an outbreak of a deadly plague, a young woman, Hanna, must save her tight-knit Jewish community from invaders. Turning to Jewish mysticism, she conjures a dangerous entity to protect her and her people. However, the powerful creature she summons may be far more evil than anything she could have ever imagined.”

Wrote about the original Golem before — several times. It was done in 1915 and was a German silent film, blah, blah, blah. And yes, there have been remakes with the EXACT SAME PLOT.

The Isle

THE ISLE (February, 2019/Limited theater release)
“Set in 1846 on a remote island off the west coast of Scotland, where three survivors from a mysterious sinking of their merchant ship find themselves stranded on a small misty isle. The isle’s four sole secretive residents, an old harbor man, a farmer, his niece and a young mad woman, are anything but welcoming and reluctant to aid the sailors back to the mainland. The promise of a boat never materializes leading one of the sailors to question why people had abandoned the island. Through his investigation he discovers that every year around the same date a tragedy at sea would occur and young men from the island would perish. When his two shipmates meet with fatal accidents, the myth of a ghostly siren haunting the island leads him to try and uncover the truth.”

Sounds like mermaids with legs. (Come to think of it, nice visual.) This also seems to echo the plot of the new movie, The Vanishing (2019). I haven’t seen that one yet, but I don’t think it has mermaids with legs. Too bad; I might’ve watched it twice by now.