Archive for curse

Queen Ghidorah, Weathered Clowns, Men (And Women) In Black

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Three more/new promotional key art for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). This brings the total of advertising posters (so far) to 14. They only needed one to get my drool cup overflowing. The bulk of the art depicts Godzilla squaring of with King Ghidorah. It’d be cool if a Queen Ghidorah showed up. And each one of her heads could have a different hairdo. That’d be pretty dang funny.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Hot on the heels of the first trailer for It: Chapter Two (September 6, 2019), comes the second of two movie posters. I get that the balloons factor in, but when are they gonna put out some art with Pennywise? Sure, it would no doubt goon out everyone at the mall. So what? Make ’em fill their pants! And speaking of the first trailer, those two minutes alone require you wear Depends™ while watching it. You can thank me later.

Clownado

A hot-off-the-press new poster for the impending Clownado. There have been several others that were just “meh” (the first one looked like someone with a degree in doodling designed it), but this one is killer. No pun intended. 

In case you didn’t write it down when I first e-barfed about this back in April or 2018, it goes something like this: “Cursed demonic circus clowns set out on a vengeful massacre using tornadoes. A stripper, Elvis impersonator, truck driver, teen runaway, and a dude get caught in the supernatural battle between femme fatal and the boss clown from Hell.” They had me as cursed demonic circus clowns.

Men In Black: International

The Japanese version of Men In Black: International (June 14, 2019) brings the total of advertising art to 10. I looked at all of ‘em. They’re kinda okay, though I’d tell the movie studio to keep working on ‘em — they need more…doodling. 

TV Superheroes, Wooden Evil, Bad Babies

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Daily Planet

Cracking up over the “cover story” of the Daily Planet (where Superman as Clark Kent works for minimum wage) about superheroes uniting to protect the Earth. Whoever mocked this up is a flippin’ genius and probably drinks a lot of smart water.

Lois Lane and Clark Kent

The article is “written” by Lois Lane. So awesome. But it’s the photo of Superman (George Reeves), Batman (Adam West), Robin (Burt Ward) Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter) and Aquaman (Lloyd Bridges) that’s even better because none of these heroes overlapped in the same time/universe. Conclusive proof: Adventures of Superman aired from 1952 — 1958. Batman aired from 1966 — 1968. Wonder Woman aired from 1975 — 1979. And Sea Hunt (here’s the genius part) aired from 1958 — 1961. Outside of a pilot episode that sunk faster than a heavy metal clam, there was no Aquaman TV series. There was, however, a cartoon series that ran from 1967 — 1970, so someone cast former United States Navy frogman Mike Nelson (Lloyd Bridges) as the scuba-doo underwater hero (Sea Hunt ran for 155 episodes). That he was depicted as Aquaman (in his original DC Comics suit) is full-on brilliant. P.S. Aquaman was punked by Man From Atlantis, which ran from 1977 — 1978, and featured a guy with “amphibious abilities.” That is so low tide.

Sea Hunt

While I go to Metropolis to get a copy of the Daily Planet and frame it, here’s a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be worthy of a Lois Lane cover story…

Blood Child

BLOOD CHILD (available now)
“After suffering a devastating miscarriage in Singapore, Ashley turns to a witch doctor to help her with the occult practice of raising a ‘ghost child’ and finding the spirit of her lost child. After returning to the States, Ashley and her husband Bill find themselves pregnant again. However, their happiness is short lived as the pregnancy acts as a catalyst for a series of terrifying events that start to occur within their home. The family soon learns that Ashley has brought back a lot more than just memories from Asia. The spirit of their lost child is not about to play second fiddle to the impending new arrival, and unleashes an unspeakable evil upon the household.”

YET ANOTHER evil kid birth movie. Start with Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and go from there. So what do you feed the little home wrecker — Gerber’s™ Demon Peas? (Their strained Hell bananas, though, are to die for. No pun intended.)

RootwoodROOTWOOD (2018)
“Students Jessica and William are hosting The Spooky Hour, a podcast about paranormal phenomena and urban legends, when they’re hired by the Hollywood film producer Laura Benott to produce a horror documentary about the Curse of the Wooden Devil. They smell a chance to become famous. Together with their friend Erin they enter Rootwood Forest and investigate the area to find out the truth about the Wooden Devil and his victims.”

Sounds like YET ANOTHER Blair Witch Project (1999) knock-off/rip-off. What if they get there, only to find out the Wooden Devil is just handmade birdhouse? We can only hope satanic seagulls live in it.

The Wind

THE WIND (2018)
“A supernatural thriller set in the Western frontier of the late 1800s, where a plains-woman is driven mad by the harshness and isolation of the untamed land.”

She’s not looking at the plus side of living way out in the middle of nowhere. No traffic, noisy neighbors and plenty of flesh-eating buffalo to play fetch with and occasionally rub their fuzzy bellies (they really like that). Sounds like a slice of Heaven to me.

Isabelle

ISABELLE (2019)
“An all-American couple dream of starting a family is shattered after they move into the perfect New England neighborhood. Once settled, they soon after descend into the depths of terror as they struggle to survive a genuine threat from a dark presence that appears to want to end their very lives.”

Though this one was originally titled, The Wanting, it should’ve been called The Republicans. It also describes me in a dive bar, or “unkempt tavern.”

Fur Where There Was No Fur Before

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Wolf Man

Back in the suit-n-tie days, Larry Talbot returns to Wales after finding out his brother died. Larry thinks it’s a good opportunity to reconcile with his estranged father. Nice timing for a family patching as Larry’s about to become the family dog.

The Wolf Man

While out on the town, Larry buys a stylish walking cane with a silver wolf’s head for a handle. Looks badass. So much so, he uses it to kill a rogue wolf, sustaining a Band-Aid™ worthy wound during the furry fracas. He later learns that wolf was the son of a gypsy, and…(wait for it)…a WEREWOLF! The wolf man curse has now been non-sexually transferred to Larry. And once the full moon rises, no fire hydrants within miles are safe.

The Wolf Man

Once he finds out he’s behind all the village attacks, Lon Chaney, Jr.’s painfully remorseful Larry Talbot/Wolf Man actually makes you feel sorry for him. But don’t try and pet him soothingly in wolf form as your arm will no longer be yours to swing around at dances and/or flight decks.

The Wolf Man

The entire werewolf mythology — needing a haircut when the moon is full, silver ammunition (or handles on whacking canes), pentagrams, wolfsbane, neck biting and/or neck ripping — comes from this enduring and resonant story of what happens when you’re bitten by a wolf. And not just any old wolfy flea bag…one that’s cursed.

The Wolf Man

The ultra eerie woods and clinging fog impose a sense of tangible dread, as does that freaky, old-as-dirt gypsy woman who recites the famous werewolf poem: “He who drinks beer by the light of the moon, turns into a jackass, a moron, a goon.” (Okay, I may have not remembered that poem correctly.)

The Wolf Man

You probably already saw The Wolf Man, a landmark horror movie, when it came out in 1941. Those of you who haven’t watched since then, do so again. Today if possible. Those of you who haven’t watched it at all, you can’t really call yourself a horror movie fan until you do. The Wolf Man is required viewing, people.

The Wolf Man

Space Cat, Highway To Hell, Zombies vs. Kids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jonesy: Nine Lives on the Nostromo

Finally, a book worth reading — a re-telling of the famous events that took place in Alien (1979) on the space freighter Nostromo when the crew brought back a face-hugging alien from the planet below. And it’s done by Jonesey the cat’s point of view. Jonesy, as we know, is Ripley’s kitty and witnessed the whole “alien pops out of your chest” thing and kills the entire crew….except, of course, Ripley and Jonesy.

Ripley and Jonesy

Due on October 16, 2018 on Titan Books, author Rory Lucey releases Jonesy: Nine Lives on the Nostromo, an illustrated book “that offers a cat’s eye view of all the terror!” Here’s the fun press release blurb: “Aboard the USCSS Nostromo, Jonesy leads a simple life enjoying The Company cat food and chasing space rodents. Until one day, his cryostasis catnap is rudely interrupted. The humans have a new pet…and it’s definitely not house-trained.”

Jonesy

Don’t know how much it’s gonna cost, but it shouldn’t matter as we all need to have this book. And while we contemplate space life from a feline’s point of view, here’s a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not make your chest burst with excitement…

The Rejected

THE REJECTED (available now)
Recovered footage and self-filmed documentary that journals a UFO sighting and possible abduction. This found footage film will test even those with the most open-minded beliefs. Is The Rejected actual proof of aliens on Earth or is this an elaborate hoax? We let you decide.”

This is supposed to be a “documentary,” but I smell a found-footage rat. So have aliens really landed on Earth or is it an elaborate hoax? I’m gonna be absolutely decisive on this subject and say both.

Road To Hell

ROAD TO HELL (August, 2018/Italy)
“A group of robbers fleeing to a new life, crossing their path with a woman, with her son and with the tragic curse they bring with them. A criminal boss and a mysterious organization of unscrupulous men, to help them, an ex-policeman with hasty methods and a jealous girlfriend. The escape will soon turn into a mad rush to Hell to save the life of the child and the fate of the world.”

If you’re from Italian Land (or “Italy”), this one’s called Fino all’Inferno. I have no idea what that means. Still, this sounds like a reality TV show. I can see wanting to save the kid, but we already know the horrible fate of the world — we’re living in it right now.

Little Monsters

LITTLE MONSTERS (2018)
Dave, a washed-up musician, volunteers to chaperone his nephew’s kindergarten class field trip after taking a shine to the plucky schoolteacher, Miss Caroline. Dave’s intentions are complicated by the presence of the world’s most famous kid’s show personality, and competition for Miss Caroline’s affections, Teddy McGiggle. One thing none of them bargained for however, is a sudden zombie outbreak, from which Dave and Miss Caroline must protect the children.”

A kid’s show personality calling himself, Teddy McGiggle? I bet the zombies would tell you he tastes funny.

Sick For Toys

SICK FOR TOYS (2018)
Roy accepts an invitation to have Christmas dinner with a beautiful and strangely alluring woman. Once at dinner, he realizes that his date and her oddball brother are not what they seem, and he soon ends up fighting for his life.”

Yeah, but did he get to finish his meal first? Sure hope it wasn’t a three-bean casserole; you eat a plate of that and you’d definitely be fighting for your life. You, or the people sitting nearby. Heh.

Metal For Your Face, Empowered Horror Women, Cursed Movie Stars

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Iron Maiden

If you’re a fan of heavy metal (again, why wouldn’t you be?), you’ll load your britches over a gaggle of new Iron MaidenEddieHalloween masks by Trick or Treat Studios (.com). Eddie, as everyone in the universe knows (even aliens), is the ghoulish mascot for Iron Maiden, gracing the cover of all their albums, sometimes as a zombie slasher, undead WWII pilot, an Egyptian mummy and even a living dead cyborg. If I was a cyborg, I’d want to look like Eddie. Then we could hang out all day and do cool cyborg stuff.

Eddie

So now Trick or Treat Studios is set to release four new Iron Maiden full head masks, including “Aces HighEddie, Powerslave, Somewhere in Time Eddie, Final Frontier Eddie, and Number of the Beast Eddie. What, no Groundhog’s Day Eddie? Prices for this sublime face-wear ranges from $49.99 — $59.00. A mere pittance to look like one of heavy metal’s most famous icons.

Iron Maiden

A little history: the rotting, skeletal visage of Eddie was done by artist Derek Riggs, was based on an original design by art student who just happened to be BBFs with DaveLightsBeasley, who, back in the early band days, was in charge of lighting, pyrotechnics and other hearing-damaging effects for Iron Maiden’s live show.

Iron Maiden

The new masks will be available August/September of this year, which I was just told is 2018. Geez, it was 1980 just a few days ago. So while we wait for our molded plastic makeover, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to bang your rubber-encased head to…

Dead List

DEAD LIST (May 1, 2018/VOD)
Calvin is competing with five other actors — Zander, Scott, Kush, Jason and Bob — for a major movie role. Stopping at nothing to win the role of a lifetime, he uses a demonic book to curse his fellow actors, with each actor being killed off in their own separate unique and terrifying chapter.”

Sounds like one of those Final Destination (2000) things, but with demon flavorings added. The only demonic book I know is the TV Guide™. That flippin’ thing is evil and will suck your soul right out of your eyeballs on a nightly basis for hours at a time.

Mary Shelley

MARY SHELLEY (May 25, 2018)
“Passionate and rebellious teenager Mary Wollstonecraft finds a kindred spirit in poet Percy Shelley. Their whirlwind love affair scandalizes polite society, as the young couple gorge on literature and a bohemian life. When tragedy strikes and the couple lose their baby daughter, Mary strikes back, finding the courage and bravery to transform her pain into the world’s first science fiction novel, Frankenstein— all by the age of 18.”

Mary Shelley, back in the 1800s, was the woman who created Frankenstein, but she’s not the only one. Have you met my mom?

Under The Silver Lake

UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (June 22, 2018)
“Young and disenchanted Sam meets a mysterious and beautiful woman who’s swimming in his building’s pool one night. When she suddenly vanishes the next morning, Sam embarks on a surreal quest across Los Angeles to decode the secret behind her disappearance, leading him into the murkiest depths of mystery, scandal and conspiracy.”

I’m thinkin’ the girl in the pool is a ghost mermaid on the swim from the Law. As for the surreal quest across Los Angeles, just driving a few blocks in Hollywood definitely qualifies.

Don't Leave Home

DON’T LEAVE HOME (2018/2019)
“An American artist’s obsession with a disturbing urban legend leads her to an investigation of the story’s origins at the crumbling estate of a reclusive painter in Ireland.”

I can only guess that the urban legend is a sober Irishman. Heh.

Super Cars, Rocket Scientists, Evil Elves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Justice League

More key art designs for the upcoming Justice League movie (November 17, 2017), this time side profile mug shots of everybody except Superman. I guess they don’t want to give away the fact that Super Dude is coming back from the dead for this one. (He died at the end of 2016’s Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice after tripping on his cape and falling in front of a more powerful locomotive. Tragic.)

Justice LeagueAs expected, the first wave of cross merchandising in advance of the highly anticipated Justice League movie starring Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, The Flash and Cyborg rolls in with action figures and, quite neato, Hot Wheels™ character die-cast cars. (Crossing fingers for Justice League tissue holders.)

Justice League

While the first series of Justice League cars came out in 2012 for $20.00, the new JL Hot Wheels™ cars (releasing November 1, 2017) are the same price, but are cooler. For instance, the Batman car uses echo location instead of GPS. The Superman car is immune to fender benders. The Aquaman car runs on clam nectar. The Flash car comes with its own speeding tickets. The Cyborg car’s real name is KITT (If you’re old enough, you’ll get that joke.) And if you try and look under the hood of the Wonder Woman car, you get a slap on the face.

Justice League

While we wait for these affordable choking hazards, here are a few horror/sci-fi movies and documentaries that don’t even have their logos on lunch boxes…

Chasing Flying Saucers: The Stanton Friedman Story

CHASING FLYING SAUCERS — THE STANTON FRIEDMAN STORY (available now)
“Are flying saucers real? For the past 40 years, Stanton Friedman has been the world’s foremost investigator and lecturer on the UFO phenomenon. He is credited with breaking the famous Roswell UFO case and is a leading expert on the procurement of government UFO documents. This is his story.”

Stanton Friedman’s been my go-to UFO guy for years. For one thing, he’s a former rocket scientist (but makes more bling on the fringe speaking circuit). Secondly, the guy seriously does his research and comes to the table with a stacked deck of facts, the first being that UFOs are real and that we’ve been Air BnB’d by extraterrestrials. Friedman should know; he’s the guy who pulled the pants down on that whole Roswell conspiracy. This isn’t a movie, but anyone wanting to make a UFO flick should watch this. And those who already have made UFO movies, watch Chasing Flying Saucers and go back and re-do everything from scratch.

Beyond The Trek

BEYOND THE TREK (available now)
“A deep space mining vessel has been adrift for two years. It is suspected the crew brutally killed each other, but the reason for the bloodbath is unknown. A rescue crew is sent to find if there are any survivors, what happened and why, but what they discover might make them destroy themselves and the world.”

A Wal-Mart™ version of Star Trek Beyond (2016). So much so, they even patterned their characters after our favorite team of galaxy exploring/laser shooting pioneers — Space Bonanza.

Buckout Road

BUCKOUT ROAD (October 7, 2017/International Black Film Festival)
Buckout Road might be known as the most haunted road in New York State, but nobody really believed it…until now. A college class project on modern mythology turns deadly when a trio of students discovers a series of horrific urban legends surrounding Buckout Road may actually be true. The deeper they dig into the road’s dark, mysterious history, the more dangerous their quest becomes. From witches burning at the stake, to backwoods albino killers, to a modern, unstoppable stalker.”

Gotta be careful with saying this title at box socials, just like “Shiitake” mushrooms and “shih tzu” dogs. (I’m still trying to live down “coccyx”.) As for a “modern, unstoppable stalker, what does that mean — someone who relentlessly follows you around all the time? If that’s the case, then my mailman qualifies.

The Elf

THE ELF (November 7, 2017 (VOD)/December 5, 2017 (DVD)
“Nick is haunted by night terrors stemming from a tragic murder he saw when he was young. After inheriting an old toy shop, Nick discovers a cursed elf doll sealed inside an ancient chest with a naughty list of his family’s names written on it. He soon discovers that the elf was an evil conduit meant to unleash a supernatural killing spree during the Christmas holidays by whoever set it free.”

Christmas horror certainly isn’t in short supply this season, what with Better Watch Out and Red Christmas leading the charge. Last year was pretty good, too, as Krampus (the anti-Santa) was unwrapping skin left and right. And in A Christmas Horror Story (2015), the elves were zombies. I deem that cool. Thought this might be the year of rabid reindeer, but I’ll just have to put that one on my Christmas list for next year.

More Slashers, More Serial Killers, More Maniacs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pacific Rim: Uprising

Some advance key art for Pacific Rim: Uprising, the sequel to Pacific Rim (2013), which pay-per-viewed skyscraper-sized, human-controlled robots against skyscraper-sized, non-human monsters from another dimension that had a revolving door at the bottom of the ocean. PR: Uprising stomps through theaters March 23, 2018.

Pacific Rim: Uprising

As for what we can expect, more and bigger skyscraper-sized, human-controlled robots against skyscraper-sized, non-human monsters from another dimension. Not a bad thing, I should think. While we impatiently await the weapons of mass entertainment, here are a few horror movies that may or may not be from this alternate universe…

Crazy Lake

CRAZY LAKE (available now)
“A group of coeds looking for fun on spring break have their beach plans canceled and opt for Plan B – fun at a cabin on the lake. Sometimes Plan B can be a real killer!”

This couldn’t be more limp as undercooked bacon. Ironically, it sounds like the coeds will be sliced like bacon. We can only hope.

Lake Alice

LAKE ALICE (available now)
“The Thomas’ travel to their lakeside cabin in the woods for a joyous Christmas celebration with their daughter and her new boyfriend, but the joy is short-lived and the body count is high.”

There’s a real Lake Alice here in Washington, about a machete throw off the Interstate. Fishing opportunities include catchable-size Rainbow Trout stocked in the spring, with Largemouth Bass and Sunfish also present. The public access has parking, a boat ramp and vault toilets. No slashers, though. Sorry.

Cabin 28

CABIN 28 (available now)
“The shocking true story based on the most infamous unsolved murder case in American history. On April 11th 1981, Sue Sharp and her family are enjoying their stay at Cabin 28 in the peaceful holiday resort of Keddie. But a day of fun at the remote getaway turns into a heart stopping nightmare as nightfall brings masked strangers to the cabin. A brutal battle for survival leaves several members of the family dead and one missing. An extensive police investigation follows but no one is convicted of the crime. Now, over thirty years later, Cabin 28 finally gives up its deadly secret.”

Geez, they give away the entire plot in the press release. So we get to see a family slaughtered by slaughterers wearing clown masks. Not seeing a deadly secret here. That, and I’m really burnt out on clowns — circus, rodeo or bar drunks.

Tarnation

TARNATION (November 24, 2017/MonsterFest screening)
“When Oscar’s dreams of becoming a rock star are brutally crushed and her boyfriend leaves, Oscar travels to a ghost town called Tarnation where she and a group of friends have rented a cabin in the woods for a weekend away. Unfortunately the cabin is host to a cursed painting and the surrounding woods are literally, Satan’s playground. Oscar soon finds herself battling a demon unicorn, possessed souls and Satan himself in an epic battle for her soul.”

The plot is weak as wet toilet paper, but the demon unicorn is kinda neat. That’s right up there with a wiccan penguin, mad cow and/or a schizophrenic monkey butler. Last thought: If she goes to a ghost town, how is it she and her soon-to-be expired friends able to rent a cabin? Couldn’t you just, like, stay there for free? Sure, no concierge or mini-bar. But hey, the price is right.