Archive for Creature from the Black Lagoon

Galloping Ghosts, Another Apocalypse, Leggy Mermaids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Galloping Ghost Arcade

Wanna play rare and classic horror/sci-fi-themed pinball? Then you’re gonna have to gallop to the Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookfield, IL. Depending where you live if not in Brookfield, the cost of getting there will be a LOT of quarters.

Galloping Ghost Arcade

The famed arcade now has said super rare pinball machines, ready to suck up your pocket change like a hobo Roomba™: Twilight Zone, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Addams Family, Godzilla (the sucky 1998 monster, not the non-sucky 1954 version), Tales From The Crypt, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aliens, and the super-rare one-of-a-kind prototype of Predator, with red skulls on elongated skeletal spines mounted on each side of the machine. If you lose, your skull plus spine gets ripped out and hung on the trophy wall. (It’d be cool if that were true.)

Galloping Ghost Arcade

$15 — $20 gets you unlimited play on all the machines all day. I would’ve paid at least $20.01. So while you inner weep with anguish that you’re not within tilting distance of the Galloping Ghost Arcade, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series and movies that may or may not give you unlimited viewing for $20, give or take a few quarters…

The Passage

THE PASSAGE (January 14, 2019/Fox™)
“Based on author Justin Cronin’s trilogy of the same name, The Passage is a character-driven action drama that focuses on Project Noah, a secret medical facility where scientists experiment with a dangerous virus that could lead to the cure for all disease — but it also could potentially wipe out the human race. When a young girl is chosen to be a test subject, a federal agent is tasked with bringing her in, but he becomes her surrogate father, determined to protect her at any cost — even as Project Noah’s work threatens to unleash an unimaginable apocalypse.”

This one’s a TV series and sounds apocalyptical-y edgier than we’re used to getting from the Fox Network. The irony here being that most of Fox’s programming qualifies as apocalyptical-y craptacular, Gotham, The Exorcist and Lucifer notwithstanding. (Hell’s Kitchen? Is that stupid thing still on the air?)

10

10 (January 18, 2019/Netflix)
Sam, a teenage girl, is one of the last people on a post-cataclysmic Earth. With the final shuttle scheduled to leave the planet, she must decide whether to journey to the launch point and join the rest of humanity, or remain on Earth, a castaway in the only home she has ever known.”

This looks to be based on an episode of Futurama (“A Farewell To Arms”/2012). Don’t screw with a guy who knows his cartoons.

The Golem

THE GOLEM (February 5, 2019)
“During an outbreak of a deadly plague, a young woman, Hanna, must save her tight-knit Jewish community from invaders. Turning to Jewish mysticism, she conjures a dangerous entity to protect her and her people. However, the powerful creature she summons may be far more evil than anything she could have ever imagined.”

Wrote about the original Golem before — several times. It was done in 1915 and was a German silent film, blah, blah, blah. And yes, there have been remakes with the EXACT SAME PLOT.

The Isle

THE ISLE (February, 2019/Limited theater release)
“Set in 1846 on a remote island off the west coast of Scotland, where three survivors from a mysterious sinking of their merchant ship find themselves stranded on a small misty isle. The isle’s four sole secretive residents, an old harbor man, a farmer, his niece and a young mad woman, are anything but welcoming and reluctant to aid the sailors back to the mainland. The promise of a boat never materializes leading one of the sailors to question why people had abandoned the island. Through his investigation he discovers that every year around the same date a tragedy at sea would occur and young men from the island would perish. When his two shipmates meet with fatal accidents, the myth of a ghostly siren haunting the island leads him to try and uncover the truth.”

Sounds like mermaids with legs. (Come to think of it, nice visual.) This also seems to echo the plot of the new movie, The Vanishing (2019). I haven’t seen that one yet, but I don’t think it has mermaids with legs. Too bad; I might’ve watched it twice by now. 

Alien Juice, Space Horses, Jedi Jamboree

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 23, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Punch Fountain

An Alien Punch Fountain. Two thoughts: Why didn’t I think of that, and where can I get this thing right the heck now?

So the nutty geniuses over at Neatoco sculpted a Xenomorph (modeled after the one in Alien/1979) from the belly button up, ran a tube up places where tubes probably shouldn’t go if you’re a human, pumped Green Berry Rush™ (made by Hawaiian Punch™) through it, and presto — an Alien Punch Fountain! FYI — Green Berry Rush™ looks like a cross between real Alien acid blood spit and Prestone Antifreeze™. Wonder if it tastes like a cocktail of said handy fluids?

So can Neatoco get this thing licensed and put into production so I finally have something to spend my homemade bit coins on? I threw a few into a virtual wishing well in hopes they will.

Until that happens, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not have you gushing up green stuff…

Don't Sleep

DON’T SLEEP (September 29, 2017/limited/VOD)
“Young lovers Shawn and Zach find the perfect home to rent, with friendly couple Mr. and Mrs. Marino as their landlords. Their future seems bright until Zach begins to experience nightmares of his hellish past. These memories, once erased by electroshock therapy, slowly return, causing Zach to question his sanity. As he struggles with his psychosis, strange things start happening at the house. The threats become increasingly deadly and Zach must face the reality that the problem is no longer in his psychology. Once the threat of psychotic behavior turns into the possibility of demonic possession, Zach is confronted with a horrific reality he never could before have imagined.”

I always wanted to try electroshock therapy. Not that I need it or anything. It just sounds kinda fun. Might beat sticking my fingers in a wall socket, anyway. That loses its appeal real quick.

The Shape of Water

THE SHAPE OF WATER (December 8, 2017)
“In 1963, a mute janitor and her colleague work in a government laboratory and eventually discover an amphibious man in a water tank. The janitor, out of loneliness, befriends the creature.”

This might be Guillermo Del Toro’s (the guy behind Hellboy/2004, Pan’s Labyrinth/2006, Pacific Rim/2013, and all those Hobbit movies), alternate take on Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954), which he was supposed to remake. I e-heard that one washed up on shore. Del Toro probably decided to make something similar since he had all that movie water laying around and figured he’d put it to good use.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI (December 15, 2017)
“Having taken her first steps into a larger world in Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015), Rey continues her epic journey with Finn, Poe and Luke Skywalker in the next chapter of the saga.”

YET ANOTHER Star Wars movie. I’ve only been an occasional fan for one simple reason — the “license to print money” sci-fi franchise is the same movie, over and over. It’s always The Imperial Forces trading laser punches with The Rebellion, the Wile E. Coyote vs. The Road Runner of the cosmos. Lots of resistance brawling, the blowing up of future stuff, templated characters with cartoon personalities (see last sentence), and space horses called “Tauntauns.” Before they went all metro and started mopping their bathroom floors after 30 years, you could get the same thing at The Poggie Tavern at last call. P.S. Star Wars: Episode IX, YET ANOTHER one, is scheduled for May 24, 2019.

Puppet KIller

PUPPET KILLER (2018)
“Years after the mysterious disappearance of his stepmother, Jamie and his friends return to his family’s cabin that holds a very dark secret for a Christmas getaway, but the holidays always have a way of letting these things out. Convinced that his childhood puppet is a magically animated killer, will Jamie be able to save his friends from a blood body count or is he the one who is actually crazy?”

This low budget comedy horror got stalled in the stall for some time over creative and legal obstacles. (I have that same problem with my garbage man, I mean, “Waste Management Administrator.”) Once it goes through one more wringer (indie filmfest circuit), you might actually get to see if the oddly titled Puppet Killer was worth the wait.

Steel Monsters, Dying As Art, Hell Boys & Girls

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hank Boyd Is Dead

I’ve come to the unassailable conclusion that laying on the couch (in any direction) should be recognized as a form of exercise. And like working out, are you not tired after seven hours of laying there watching monster movies? Same as exercise. I rest my case.

Speaking of things that are lazy, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies (or “films”) that may or may not had  some sort of effort put into with the title or the plot…

HANK BOYD IS DEAD (June 27, 2017)
“Struggling actress/caterer Sarah Walsh is left alone to tend to the post-funeral gathering for Hank Boyd, a quiet loner who stood accused of a horrific crime. She knew Hank in high school and finds it hard to believe that he could do anything terrible. However, her opinion begins to change after she meets Hank’s brother David as the family’s secrets are exposed and the bodies pile up. If she hopes to survive and all because…Hank Boyd is dead.”

Sounds more like a CW™ mini series than a movie. Boring title, which indicates “meh” across the board. And before you start e-yelling at me for prejudging, I have watched “horror” movies almost exactly like this for years and decided to move on to more entertaining ventures, like street corner begging and dumpster diving.

The Wolf Man

UNIVERSAL CLASSIC MONSTERS (September 12, 2017/Best Buy)
“Seven classic Universalmonster movies are getting the steelbook treatment, each featuring stunning black & white art by Alex Ross. The following films will be part of the collection: The Wolf Man (1941), The Invisible Man (1933), Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), The Mummy (1932), Dracula (1931), Bride of Frankenstein (1935) and Frankenstein (1931).

Gotta hand it to Universal for finding new ways to re-package the same seven monster movies they built their empire on nearly 90 years ago. This time they’re putting the classic horror movies in steel boxes, not unlike what you would put a peanut butter sandwich in to nosh on during recess.

This is not a new concept; World Market™, purveyors of over-priced wicker couches, has been selling Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein metal hors devours trays every Halloween for years. I have the whole set. Still don’t know what “hors devours” are (sounds like a cannibal hooker). But licensed and over-priced trays are handy to put snacks on. Not crackers, though; those dang things slide right off onto your shag carpet, where crumbs are nearly impossible to get out.

Flesh of the Void

FLESH OF THE VOID ( 2017/2018)
Flesh of the Void is an extreme experimental horror feature, visualizing what it could feel like if the act of dying was a truly horrible experience. Shot extensively on Super 8 and 16mm, it is intended as a disjointed, surreal trip through the deepest and most violent fears of the human condition, depicting its subject in a radical, grotesque and raw manner, refusing to shy away from societal taboos.”

Pfffft — I go through the act of dying every time the bartender yells, “Last call!” Do like the premise, though, as I pretty much assumed kicking the bucket was a black (or white) affair. Black is where you go if you have unresolved anti-Bible skeletons in your closet. Or some ratty farm with Black Phillip landlording the place. I have no reference to the white end game. Maybe a Seattle beach during one of the three days it actually sunshines up here and everybody comes out of their caves with nearly translucent and sickly skin.

Hellboy: Rose of the Blood Queen

HELLBOY: RISE OF THE BLOOD QUEEN (in production/2018)
“This franchise reboot is reportedly aiming for an R-rating and a horror movie style. In the Hellboy comics, the ‘Queen of Blood’ is a powerful British witch, also known as The Lady of the Lake.”

Lady of the Lake. Wasn’t that the name of a tepid M. Night Shyamalan movie back in 2006? And wasn’t in a condo swimming pool as opposed to a lake? I would’ve changed the movie’s title, too; Lady in the Swimming Pool just doesn’t have enough zing. But I digress — happy to see Hellboy being re-booted. Now if they could just do the same thing with Plastic Man

Catching Salmonella From Fishmen

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Island of the Fishmen

Island of the Fishmen (1979/Italy – 1981/U.S.), a schlocky Italian creature feature – finally and conclusively solves one of mankind’s greatest mysteries – where the flippin’ flap is the lost city of Atlantis. I don’t have the exact coordinates, but it’s in the middle of the ocean, or rather, under the middle of the ocean, where a volcano made it sink. And it’s inhabited – by fish people.

Island of the Fishmen

A bio-scientist, doing his best Dr. Moreau impression, made the fish people. The ego-mad Republican who runs the island (complete with fully functioning live volcano) uses the aquatic acolytes to retrieve Atlantis’ submerged gold and ornate bookends.

Island of the FishmenThe scientist wanted to change everyone into fish to solve the world’s food problem. Ironically, if the ocean was loaded with fish people, we land walkers would never run out of food. Then all we’d need is bait shops and tartar sauce factories.

Island of the Fishmen

While this is going on, shipwrecked Lieutenant Claude de Ross washes up on the island and, after checking out the captive “too sexy for civilization” Amanda Marvin (who holds sway over the fish dudes), wants to snorkel in her sea grotto. (Yeah, I used that line before. So what?) But Edmond Rackham, the self-proclaimed ruler of said doomed island, wants to kill everybody and make off with the Atlantean gold while wearing a suit and riding around on a horse in humid tropical temps.

Island of the Fishmen

Fed up with this nonsense, the volcano gets its pyroclastic flow in a knot and is about to recreate history. With no more potion to control the fish people and the island about to blow, this thing turns into a last call party.

Island of the Fishmen

The fishmen, with claws that look EXACTLY like those sported by the Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), finally get the upper fin and dish out some sweet revenge. They also do something unexpected as the island is lava lamping. What some fishmen won’t do for a pretty land face.

Screamers

Of note: for the U.S. release, some American dumbass wanted to retitle the movie and named it Island of Mutations, then Island of Mutations, before settling on Screamers. I like Island of Mutations as it has a nice zing to it.

Nude Monsters

Posted in Classic Horror, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 7, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Nudie Monsters calendar

Arriving right in time for 2014, which is pretty much now, by the way (excluding those of us who still live in the past), is the Nudie Monster Calendar by art phenom, Paul Garner. Even though he’s from Brighton, UK, his calendar features brilliant illustrations of old school classic American monsters/creatures, from the Invisible Man to Creature from the Black Lagoon. So yeah, no Godzilla or Mecha-Kong.

Nudie Monsters calendar

This gotta-have-it-now calendar sells for £12.00, which converts to $19.66 in good ’ol U.S. fun coupons. Shipping in a hopefully bacteria-free envelope will set you back another £7.00, or $11.47. So $31.13 for this insanely cool piece of pop culture.

Nudie Monsters calendar And monsters aren’t Paul’s only forte; perusing his amazing website [paulgarnerart.com] you’ll find his re-imagined art pieces including celebrities, rock posters, CD cover art, characters, and so much more, your face will ache with the pain of knowing you’ll never be in the same artistic zip code.

Nudie Monsters calendar

While you contemplate your shortcomings, each calendar page is A4 (297cm x 21cm or “8.27 x 11.69”) portrait aspect. The calendar is Wir-o bound (or “bound by Wir-o”) and signed by Paul himself, and not just rubber-stamped. Now that’s classy.

This Werewolf Wears Legal Briefs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Wer

Wer is an upcoming movie about a werewolf that doesn’t know how to spell his own name. Heh.

Releasing sometime in 2013/2014 (geez, how long does it take to make a horror movie?), Wer’s actual story line “revolves around a defense attorney determined to clear the name of her client, Talan Gwynek, who is the main suspect in the grisly multiple slaying of a vacationing family. While he appears to be gentle on the surface, his attorney soon learns that Talan is actually a werewolf.”

So they finally managed to get a werewolf into court, no doubt on trumped up charges. Grisly murders are a wolf man’s vocation, people. We’ve known this since Werewolf of London (1935), the first film to feature bipedal anthropomorphic werewolves. (That means the monster had two pedals.) To try a werewolf for doing what he’s cursed to do is a travesty of our justice system.

Wer

Have we not progressed as a society? Next thing you know we’ll be handing out citations to Frankenstein’s Monster for stealing electricity or the Creature from the Black Lagoon for peeing in the pool. What’s next – throwing ghosts in the clink for squatting?

The ACLU is gonna hear about this.