Archive for the Slashers Category

Playground Purgatory, Horror Vegetables, Mature Mutants

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

There’s a famous wall painting on Dante’s live music club in downtown Portland, OR that proudly proclaims, “Keep Portland Weird.” This caught on to the point there are bumperstickers, buttons and t-shirts everywhere sporting the city’s unofficial slogan. But for really bold weirdness, one only needs to hitchhike 104 miles south to Eugene, OR where an uproar on social media over a park slide seeks to topple Portland’s innate oddity status.

In the Owen Rose Garden City Park, residents were treated Hellraiser’s Pinhead being turned into a playground slide. Predictably, this sent locals into a Karen-esque tizzy; “These liberal sh*theads have gone too far this time.” A Eugene resident angrily posted to Facebook™. “It’s clear they are trying to groom our children to be monsters. Satanic, evil monsters. They obviously want to normalize this sort of thing. And you know this abomination will just attract weirdos to our nice little town.” Another posted response: “We have to come together as a community and nip this in the bud before things get out of hand. Let’s send this horrific ‘children’s playground’ back to hell.”

If only these quick-to-mouth rabble rousers got the joke. The Pinhead slide is an amazingly realistic art piece by 3D artist and Virtual Reality sculptor Cabel Adams, who posted it on social media, deliciously punking the leaning-far-too-right residents.

This isn’t the first time Cabel struck comedy gold with his crazy 3D and Photoshop™ skills. There’s his Voorhees Island, with a “stone” Jason obelisk in the middle of Washington’s State’s Lake Crescent (or “Crescent Lake”). Then there’s the cool Thomas The Train wickedly reimagined as an evil machine, as well as his horror movie villain hot-air “balloons” floating menacingly over Oregon’s Lane County town during its annual film fest.

While we all wait for Eugene’s locals to grow a sense of humor, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not spur Oregonian condemnation… 

CHILDREN OF THE CORN / March 3, 2023 (Limited) March 21, 2023 (VOD)

“A psychopathic twelve-year-old girl in a small town in Nebraska recruits all the other children and goes on a bloody rampage, killing the corrupt adults and anyone else who opposes her. A bright high schooler who won’t go along with the plan is the town’s only hope of survival.”

For anyone keeping score, this makes 11 Children of the Corn movies, which debuted in 1984. This latest one was done in 2020 and is just now getting out to people who want more corn in their diet. 

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES: MUTANT MAYHEM / August 4, 2023 (Theaters)

“The heroes in a half-shell are back for their latest re-imagining, emerging from the sewers to defend New York from an army of fellow mutants.”

Their film debuting over 30 years ago, you can hardly call the turtles “teenage” anymore. They should call themselves Medicare Mutant Ninja Turtles

THE DARK ROOM / Release pending 2023 (DVD/VOD)

“An amateur photographer witnesses something while he’s developing photos that were brought to him by a pastor. The whole town is in amass panic and an active investigation is going on due to multiple decapitations in the area. The photographer is conflicted about sharing the news and the photographs he has developed.”

Developing photos? What year is this set in — 1935?

HUNT HER, KILL HER / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“During her first night on the job a lone night shift janitor finds herself in an unexpected fight for survival when she becomes the target of sinister masked intruders. As their disturbing motives become clearer, she must use her crafty instincts and barbaric violence to make it through the night alive.”

To get a coveted job as a night janitor, crafty instincts and barbaric violence should be emphasized on your resume.

Glow-In-The-Dark Horror, Werewolf Hockey, Witch Religion is Best

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Slashers, Werewolves, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If you wanna tap into your inner kid or just goof off on company time, then the Horror Glow-In-The-Dark Coloring book (Thunder Bay Press™) is just the ticket. Illustrated by Juan Calle and Santiago Calle, for $12.03 (Internet price) you get reams of delightful horror scenes to help pass the time until you can clock out for the day. 

From Wal-Mart’s™ website: “These creepy scenes will haunt the room, casting an eerie glow on all who behold their horrors. With 90 bone-chilling illustrations to color — including 24 that glow in the dark — Horror Glow in the Dark Coloring lets you unleash your creativity unlike never before. Graveyard scenes, nightmares, and grotesque mandalas are only a few of the dark themes to be found in this book. Each page is perforated, so you can remove your finished artworks and hang them on your wall.” (buy it here)

While I order one with the full intention to color outside the lines (I live by my own rules, man), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be more scary than a coloring book…

BE MINE / February 10, 2023 (Meta Horizon Worlds/Meta Quest TV)

“The VR experience follows Becca, a college senior who’s going to throw the best Valentine’s Day party ever. There’s just one caveat: everyone invited is secretly there to help Becca catch her Valentine’s Day stalker — an anonymous maniac in a Cupid mask who kills any man that gets close to her with a bow and arrow. But this Valentine’s Day will be slightly different as everyone is ready to turn the tables on the killer that walks among them. With the help of the police, her sorority sisters and the fraternity next door, Becca and the party fight back to stop the carnage and uncover the mysterious secret behind a bloody Valentine’s Day massacre.”

A Cupid mask? Weak. Aspiring maniacs should really do more homework.

MY ANIMAL / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Heather, an outcast teenage goalie, longs to play on the hockey team of her small northern town. She meets and falls in love with newcomer Jonny, an alluring but tormented figure skater. The girls’ relationship blossoms despite Heather’s struggles with her alcoholic mother, her hidden sexual orientation, and a familial curse that transforms her into a feral wolf under the full moon. Heather and Jonny’s secret tryst soon clashes against the conformity of their small community, exposing dangerous truths and igniting a passionate, violent night of personal transformation.”

A werewolf playing hockey. And we had a werewolf playing basketball in Teen Wolf (1985). Clearly, lycanthropes dig sports. Bet they’d be really good at dog-sledding.

WAIT FOR IT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Seen from the perspective of survivor girl, Darcy is living in the aftermath of her own encounter with a psycho-slasher killer. She travels home after a night out with friends, always remaining wary of the inevitable return of her tormentor.”

Great — they spoiled the movie by telling us Darcy survives. Hey douche-bags — what am I getting for Christmas?

SORCERY / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

Chiloé Island, 1880. After her father is murdered by a German colonist, Rosa, a 13-year-old Huilliche girl, renounces her Christian upbringing and seeks shelter with Mateo, the leader of an Indigenous organization that practices witchcraft. Under Mateo’s gruff yet tender tutelage, she learns the art of sorcery and vows to settle the score. Rosa’s vengeance leads to a brutal crackdown by the island’s Chilean Christian authorities and puts her on the path to discovering her dormant powers.”

Renouncing your pray-per-view religion is like cable-canceling your soul. There are better — and cheaper — alternatives out there, many with way more features.

Enchanting Garb, Fruit Cult, Alien Parents

Posted in Aliens, demons, Evil, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

A fairy/faerie in literature, art, European folklore culture and slasher grindhouse horror movies is defined as being a type of mythical being or legendary creature and a form of spirit, often described as being metaphysical, supernatural, or preternatural — with or without a butcher knife and/or chainsaw.

Not surprisingly, many women want to be fairies, a fantasy that started with Disney’s™ Tinker Bell and the Nutcracker’s Sugar Plumb Fairy (who sounds like a drug dealer). This fantasia annually fuels the sale of countless fairy costumes every Halloween. But while most of us are content to augment our wardrobe from Spirit Halloween™, one should look to Pinterest™ for fairy fashion options. 

These exotic and otherworldly gowns (or “dresses”) — suitable for cosplay or fantasy horror movies — can fetch thousands for an ensemble that probably shouldn’t be cleaned in a coin-fed washing machine. Also, you’d have to sell a lot of teeth to the Tooth Fairy to afford one.

So while we drink absinthe (fun fact: “The Green Fairy” is the nickname for absinthe) and fantasize about wearing one of these dresses to a bachelorette party and/or doing some light grocery shopping, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not tinker your bell…

WAKING KARMA / January 26, 2023 (VOD)

“Karma and her mother have spent their lives evading Paul, her cult leader father. With Paul closing in as Karma reaches adulthood, she and her mother flee to a friend’s remote compound. Paul tracks them there and traps them within its walls, putting Karma through a series of escalating tests designed to break her spirit and awaken an unholy inheritance that lives within her.”

So if she misbehaves, do we call her…“Bad Karma”? Heh.

SEEDS / January 31, 2023 (VOD)

Grieving mother Macha must track down her husband Andrew, a university professor who has been invited to a remote area of New England to take part in mysterious cult’s ritual in order to receive an inheritance from his uncle. The cult that worships the mystical and ancient power of the apple has also been infiltrated by the Catholic Church under the command of the very ambitious Cardinal Sinibaldi.”

An apple a day keeps organized religion away.

ONYX THE FORTUITOUS AND THE TALISMAN OF SOULS / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Amateur occultist Marcus J. Trillbury — aka Onyx the Fortuitous — is struggling. He’s misunderstood at home and work, but his dreams for a new life seem to be answered when he lands a coveted invitation to the mansion of his idol Bartok the Great for a ritual to raise the spirit of an ancient demon. He excitedly joins Bartok and his fellow eclectic group of devotees as they prepare for the ceremony, but pretty quickly it becomes apparent everything is not as it seems. As Onyx and his new friends fight to keep their souls, he must decide what he’s willing to truly sacrifice in order to meet his destiny.”

Marcus should worry more about getting beat up for having a dumb name than conjuring ancient demons.

ALIENS ABDUCTED MY PARENTS AND NOW I FEEL KINDA LEFT OUT / Release pending 2023 (Theaters/VOD)

“Itsy is new in town and her life seems over until she meets her space-obsessed neighbor Calvin, who believes his parents were abducted by aliens. An aspiring journalist, Itsy decides to write an exposé on Calvin but ends up discovering much more.”

Hey kid — your folks weren’t abducted. They abandoned you. Bet you’re feeling really left out now.

Partying With Ghosts, Subtitled Shark, Haunted House Insurance

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, paranormal, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If you’re a fan of fan-made horror films, you’re gonna get all tingly over the Friday the 13th homage, Here Comes the Night: Part 3, sequel to the F-13th fan films Here Comes the Night and Here Comes the Night: Part 2, all of which are free on YouTube™. Around a half-hour long and done on a budget that wouldn’t get you a hot dog and a diet soda at a hockey game (diet sodas are the preferred drink of hardcore hockey fans, who all look like Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees, blood and all), you at least gotta admire the passion that goes into these enthusiastic endeavors.

A bit ‘o background: “Produced by Jason Kays and directed by Tim McCormack, Here Comes the Night: Part 3 celebrates what fans love about Jason Voorhees and the classic 80’s slasher series. The epic conclusion to Here Comes the Night is finally here! Having narrowly escaped certain death at the hands of new friends and old enemies, Allison, Billy, and Suzie find safety at a cabin across the lake. However, as the sins of the past are revealed, and the lies of the present unfold, no one is truly safe at Crystal Lake.”

While you question my sanity to post this on Saturday the 14th instead of Friday the 13th (sorry — still using last year’s calendar because I don’t know why), here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be viewable on any day of the week…  

MAKO /Out now (Netflix™)

“Visiting the site of a sunken passenger ship, eight divers face a terrifying threat beneath the surface of the Red Sea.”

This shark movie came out in someplace called Egypt (never heard of it) in 2021, but it’s now on Netflix™ in our multiverse. It’s in Arabic with wonky English subtitles, so you can’t understand a thing the shark is saying. Too bad — with all those teeth, I bet it has perfect enunciation.

GHOST PARTY / Out now (VOD)

“The annual Halloween party at Auldcraft Mansion is no ordinary party. You have to be dead to be invited. This year something has gone horribly wrong and the family must bring in a living relative to help solve the mystery. This “live” theatrical play captures the true spirit, or spirits of family reunions.”

You have to be dead to be invited? As long as there’s no dress code and they put out some chips ‘n salsa. 

CONTACT: THE CE5 EXPERIENCE / Out now (VOD)

Dr. Steven Greer and his team share their videos and photos of UFOs and extraterrestrial beings captured at CE5 events around the world.”

Those CE5 “events” are little more than UFO New Age retreats. The blurry UAP photos and videos are sorta interesting, but enough with the hippie chanting prayer circles to reach out to our space brothers; extraterrestrials already think we’re a bunch of dumbasses.

THE UNSETTLING / February 10, 2023 (VOD)

“Abena and Kwame, a Ghanaian couple, are struggling to recover from a devastating tragedy. They travel to Los Angeles for a vacation that they hope will help them find their way back to one another. Instead, during an awkward dinner with estranged friends, Vivian and Anthony, Abena is increasingly terrorized by an evil possessing the house. The house that was meant to provide refuge slowly stalks her, consuming her sorrow and trapping her in a nightmare. As her terror grows, it ultimately engulfs all four with horrifying consequences.”

They should’ve gotten haunted house renter’s insurance. And yes, that’s a real thing. I go through Obrella™ to cover my darkness-infested abode. Click here for a rate quote.

Playing With Horror, Cow Trauma, Space Toilet

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , on January 7, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

When I was a foundling, the popular games of my day were “Spin The Bottle Rocket”, “Watching Paint Dry” and the gripping, “Chase A Parked Car”. But today’s kids are more sophisticated and need games that not only entertain, but engage the impatient mind as well. And game maker Steven Rhodes has just the thing for picky little brats who will never know the elation of playing “Rats In My Pants”.

From Cryptozoic Entertainment’s website: “From the mind of Steven Rhodes, a graphic artist and illustrator best known for his offbeat re-imagining of children’s activity books from the ’70s and ’80s, these three games immerse you in these hilariously dark retro worlds.”

“In Let’s Summon Demons, only the savviest (and luckiest!) player — the best Demon Summoner — will walk away a winner! In Don’t Talk to Strangers, navigate your kids from school and score as many points as you can before the neighborhood is completely overrun by otherworldly strangers!”

The best of the bunch is Let’s Call The Exorcist: “Dad has brought home a collection of rare artifacts from his latest excavation, and now pesky demons have possessed the children! The priest has devised a scavenger hunt to cleanse the house, but those dastardly devils won’t make it easy! Deduce your way to victory in this fast-paced game featuring secret roles and hidden cards. Reveal Holy and Cursed Artifacts, beneficial Blessings for instant points, and malevolent Mischief cards that mix things up!”

Individually, these games are $19.99 each (click here). But hey, why not go all in and get one of several sets of three for $59.97? I just ordered the set containing Cryptozoology for Beginners, Living Well Is the Best Revenge and the aforementioned Let’s Call The Exorcist. Can’t wait to let my friends watch me play ‘em.

While you replace your once treasured checkers with these new board games, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as stimulating as strip chess

SICK / January 13, 2023 (Peacock™)

“When the country locks down due to the pandemic, college student Parker and her best friend decide to quarantine at the family lake house alone — or so they think.”

Hope the slasher in the house keeps his face mask on, or else he might make the girls sick and die.

IN DREAMS / January 17, 2023 (Screambox™)

“A woman experiences a psychological spiral in the wake of her grandfather’s murder.”

I define a psychological spiral as watching the intestinal contents of an epic drinking binge swirl colorfully while being flushed. Wash all of life’s little problems down the drain. 

DAWNING / January 31, 2023 (VOD)

“A trauma therapist is forced to face her family’s darkest past when she returns to her childhood countryside farm to console her heartbroken younger sister.”

If I lived on a farm I’d need a trauma therapist, too. Those pink things dangling full on commando under a cow gives me recurring nightmares.

THE ARK / February 1, 2023 (SyFy™/Peacock™)

“The remaining crew of a spacecraft known as Ark One must become the best versions of themselves to stay on course and survive after experiencing a catastrophic event that caused massive destruction and loss of life.”

Catastrophic event — the space toilet got clogged and the wrongness overflowed all over the spacecraft. And they made a series out of this riveting storyline. Can’t wait for Season #2. Heh.

Peculiar Treasures, Millions of Zombies, Ancient Peanut Butter

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Evil, Foreign Horror, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

One of the ongoing tragedies of life is when you absolutely need a 3D Bat Air Freshener or Bigfoot Finger Feet or an essential Zombie Threat Level refrigerator magnet, and can’t find ’em anywhere. Calm your inner turmoil and just go to Portland, Oregon’s FreakyButTrue Peculiarium, a wonderland of all things tremendously useful weird and fun. Here’s their website if you think I’m making up all of this stuff.

Located at 2234 NW Thurman St., Portland, OR, the Peculiarium is similar to Archie McFee™ but goes even deeper into the mind-spinning novelty merch abyss. Alien art prints, Sasquatch devotional candles, giant lobster claws, Mothman shirts… So yeah, plan on spending at least three month’s wages there.

While we rent a U-Haul™ truck and go on a FreakyButTrue Peculiarium shopping run, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be as irresistible as FBTP’s Jekyll & Hyde holiday ornaments… 

GANGNAM ZOMBIE / January 5, 2023 (VOD)

“Citizens from an area of Seoul start experiencing unusual and terrifying symptoms, devolving into inhuman creatures, leaving only a few survivors with the possibility to make it out alive.”

According to this little thing called the Internet (you may have heard of it), Seoul has a population of 9.9 million people. If you wanna see zombies, that’s the place to go. Just take the train to Busan. (You got that joke, right?)

TOXICA / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“An injured stunt woman is infected by an ancient biological compound when a side job as a PI goes wrong.”

I bought a jar of ancient biological compound at the store the other day. It may look like peanut butter, but it’s way more addictive and has only half the saturated fat. We’re talkin’ some serious sandwich fixins.

IMMERSION / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

Mysterious deaths befall on employees of a VR-tech company. There’s an unprecedented fear waiting between reality and the virtual world.”

Unprecedented fear waiting between reality and the virtual world. Where I live, that’s called Happy Hour.

NIGHTMARE AT PRECINCT 84 / Release pending 2023 (Theaters/VOD)

“On a stormy night on Christmas Eve, a small town female sheriff who secretly is a serial killer gets a visit from a mysterious woman who tells four bizarre stories. The first is about a small boy who has a terrifying encounter with the local ice cream truck. The second is about a young girl who takes up a phone sex operator job to pass the time, but a certain caller has other intentions. The third is about two women who discover the strange reality behind a tiny town they are trapped in and the fourth is about a man who makes a promise with haunting repercussions.”

A sheriff is a serial killer? Then she’s obligated to arrest herself or kill herself. Probably should do both.

Freaks 4 Freddy, Fairy Appetite, Hairy Heredity

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, paranormal, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If you’re just a casual fan or full-blown freak for all things A Nightmare on Elm Street, then FredHeads The Documentary, an upcoming feature about Elm Street fanatics, should have you bouncing up and down on a knife glove in anticipation of its February 14, 2023 release.

From the FredHeads press release: “Directed by Paige Troxell and Kim Gunzinger, this documentary follows a group whose friendships were formed and molded by A Nightmare on Elm Street. They venture out to share the stories of other fans of all ages from around the world whose lives were also changed by the horror film franchise.”

So while we’re placing bets on whether these obsessed fans still live with their parents, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be a nightmare on any street… 

THE DEVIL BENEATH / January 13, 2023 (VOD)

“Two estranged brothers and their friends are pulled into a world of mystery and lies when their grandfather’s property is passed into their hands. As both brothers are pulled apart by different choices, one thing is clear — something sinister is going on. As people go missing the brothers learn secrets that will change their life forever — but what is out there? A myth? A hoax? Or could it really be…real?”

I wrote about this one back in 2015. That’s, like, 47 years ago give or take. It was released as Red Billabong in Australia, where it was made. I have no idea if that country is a myth or a hoax or possibly real. While I figure it out, this “about bloody time” movie is finally being released here in the states with a new title. Good — I didn’t know what a “billabong” was and why it’s red.

IN MY MOTHER’S SKIN / January 20, 2023 (VOD)

“Stranded in the Philippines during World War II, a young girl finds that her duty to protect her dying mother is complicated by her misplaced trust in a beguiling, flesh-eating fairy.”

Yeah, you can’t trust a flesh-eating fairy regardless of how beguiling. One minute you and a fairy are hanging out, having a couple of beers, then the next your face is a sandwich. An open-face sandwich. Heh.

ALONE AT NIGHT / January 20, 2023 (VOD)

“Vicky is a young woman looking for an escape after going through a harrowing break-up. After retreating to a friend’s remote cabin in the woods to clear her head, she continues modeling sexy lingerie for her devoted followers on 18 & Over, an adults-only, live-streaming website. But when the power keeps going out, Vicky discovers something terrifying awaiting her in the dark — a masked killer wielding a crowbar who’s hellbent on bringing her night to a grisly end.”

I looked but was unable to find her adults-only live-streaming website. Found 117,413 others, though.

WOLFKIN / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Elaine, a single mother, is raising her son, Martin, who shows strange and uncontrollable behavior. When the boy bites one of his classmates, Elaine, desperate for answers, takes him to see his paternal grandparents. But there she discovers the true nature of the family and has to choose between acceptance or fighting for her son’s destiny.

So the young boy is a wolf. He could be his own pet.

Vile Vision, Ghost Guests, Lethal Lobsters

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

For horror movies fans there exists a plethora of viewing options, paid and free. If you don’t mind ad-supported horror movies (or just regular movies, which nobody cares about), Tubi™ and YouTube™ beats the competition by far with obscure, DYI, foreign and classic horror offerings. (P.S. Tubi™ is the king of horror/sci-fi with hundreds upon other hundreds of horror flicks you never knew existed.)

Shudder™ is the de facto go to for paid horror viewing, with a sharply curated catalogue and consistent new releases. With plans starting at $4.79 a month, you be a screaming dumbass (okay, maybe not screaming) to not subscribe. Another bountiful horror/sci-fi option, though, is Wicked Horror TV™, a premium streaming service specializing in quality horror films. (Note: ALL horror movies are quality. Except maybe three.) 

Wicked Horror TV™ puts the gore in categorize — horror movies are sorted by decades (1920s to whatever decade we’re in now), countries (Asia, Australia, Europe, South America and whatever country we’re in now), and sub-genres (ghosts, giallo, gothic, paranormal, possession, B-movies, satanic, supernatural, occult, witches, etc.) There’s plenty of ad-supported free horror, but the premium plan taps you for $5.99 a month, though you save thriftily with their billed annually plan of $49.99. Wicked Horror TV™ can be watched (or “viewed”) on things like Fire TV™, Roku™, Apple TV™, Android TV™, Google Play™, and iOS™ mobile devices.

While you close out your horror-bereft Netflix™ account and sign up for Wicked Horror TV™ (click this), here are a few out now/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies/tv series that may or may not be worth paying for — or watching for free…

DEADLY DEALINGS / Out now (YouTube™/VOD)

“A young woman struggles with losing her brother. Her roommate turns her on to a spirit board, and that night she has a dream that she can trade her dream for her brother’s life. The next day when she awakens she learns that it was more than just a dream and she bit off more than she expected.”

Yawn. Sounds more like a spirit bored than a spirit board.

THE GHOSTS OF MONDAY / January 23, 2023 (VOD/DVD)

“A television director becomes embroiled in a supernatural conspiracy after traveling to Cyprus to make a TV pilot about a haunted hotel.”

Cyprus is an island country located south of the Anatolian Peninsula in the eastern Mediterranean Sea. Seems like a long way to go to document hotel haunters. Try the “ghosts only” Overlook Hotel in the nearby country of Colorado.

THE SWARM / Release pending 2023 (Streaming TV subscription)

“A global environmental thriller, The Swarm is set in a present day where anomalies and unnatural behavior in marine animals are causing upheaval all over the world. Millions of strange worms suddenly appear on the bottom of the North Sea, drilling their way through frozen methane, threatening to destabilize the entire continental shelf. Swarms of mussels stop large vessels from maneuvering. Toxic jellyfish, lobsters and whales start attacking human beings along the coasts of the world. It follows a global group of scientists and military who come together to tackle one of the biggest challenges mankind has ever faced. They make the chilling discovery that we are not the only intelligent species on this planet — and that deep down at the bottom of the sea resides a collective intelligence which has suffered the ravages of civilization on its habitat and decided to fight back.”

Strange worms, toxic jellyfish, swarms of mussels…sounds like the Seafarer’s Feast™ at Red Lobster™.

NEW FEAR’S EVE / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“As the coming year approaches, three friends reluctantly prepare for Hooper Industries’ annual New Year’s Eve bash. The clock ticks down and the body count rises as a psychotic murderer known as The Doctor is on the loose. This sadistic surgeon of death leaves Owensboro covered in blood as local police and FBI are forced to navigate through a maze of bodies left in his wake.”

I liked this better when it was called New Year’s Evil (1980).

Monsters Au Naturel, Bigfoot Pursuit, Alien Party Crashers

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Paul Garner is an artist living in Brighton, United Kingdom. That pretty dang far from where I’m lallygagging. But thanks to this thing called the “Internet” (you may have heard of it), now you can view his incredible horror movie icon illustrations…and buy ’em. (Full disclosure: I recently purchased some of Garner’s art and am currently gawking at it on the wall right next to where I’m lallygagging.)

Paul’s latest series is Nudie Monsters, recasting The Mummy, Wolf-Man, The Fly and Bride of Frankenstein in eye-poppingly colorful “pin-ups”. Don’t worry — they’re PG-rated, which means you don’t have to hide ‘em under your bed. These silk board prints sell in sets of three for 25£ ($31.40 US) and measure 11.75”x16.5”. Get ’em on his Etsy shop page here. Better yet, marvel at Paul’s extraordinary illustrating skills on his website: www.paulgarnerart.com

As confessed in a court of public opinion above, I purchased the Jaws poster and just sent in an order for The Shining print. If none of these examples are to your liking (critic), you can get caricatures of Creature of the Black Lagoon, Nosferatu, Night of the Living Dead and even Ozzy Osbourne, who’s kind of a monster himself.

While you take down your Vincent van Gogh and Pablo Picasso black light posters to make room for Paul’s peerless artings, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be made better by having nude monsters in ’em…

NIGHT OF THE AXE / Out now (VOD)

“A group of young adults enjoying a high school reunion party are terrorized by an escaped mental patient obsessed with satisfying his blood lust. One by one they are made victims of the sadistic killer. Who will survive the Night of the Axe?”

Not only does it SOUND like a slasher plot straight out of late ’70s/early’80s, it IS a slasher plot straight of late ’70s/early’80s. Time spent coming up with the script? 70 or 80 seconds.

ON THE TRAIL OF BIGFOOT: LAST FRONTIER / January 17, 2023 (VOD)

Small Town Monsters heads to the frozen vistas of the 49th state with On the Trail of Bigfoot: Last Frontier. The first 2023 Small Town Monsters docudrama features in-depth interviews with locals and a heavy focus on the Indigenous people who first called the land home. Focusing on evidence and encounters with the legendary Sasquatch, On the Trail of Bigfoot: Last Frontier aims to give audiences the most cohesive look at Alaskan Sasquatch lore.”

YET ANOTHER documentary cashing in on Bigfoot’s good name. B’foot really needs to put his big foot down on people not legally licensing his image and/or footwear.

KIDS VS. ALIENS / January 20, 2023 (Digital/VOD)

“All Gary wants is to make awesome home movies with his best buds. All his older sister Samantha wants is to hang with the cool kids. When their parents head out of town one Halloween weekend, an all-time rager of a teen house party turns to terror when aliens attack, forcing the siblings to band together to survive the night.”

A better solution: we should send ALL our teenagers to the alien’s planet to crash their ragers. 

YULETIDE HORROR / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Directed by Ethan Evans and produced by Jess Bartlett and Kieran Nolan Jones, Yuletide Horror is a feature-length documentary exploring the terrifying history of Christmas horror folklore and cinema, from Black Christmas, Gremlins, Silent Night, Deadly Night and beyond.”

And the soundtrack could be (wait for it)…wrap music.

Beastly Beers, Wicked Wind, Dating Vampires

Posted in Evil, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The horror of beer is running out…or not having any at all. (I get the shakes just thinking about it.) But there are horror-themed beers that, if you drink ‘em all, you’d still have a cool can as a keepsake. So where do you obtain such canned and/or bottled delights? Here’s a few horror beers to make up for not having enough horror —or beer — in your world…

BATSQUATCH – ROGUE ALES (NEWPORT, OR)

Description: “A hazy IPA with balanced blends of El Dorado and Belma hops, imperial juice yeast and sweet, outdoorsy aroma. 6.7% ABV.” Note: Pairs nicely with thirst.

TROLL DESTROYER – 18TH STREET BREWERY (HAMMOND, IN)

Description: “A Belgian IPA with a sweet, citrus aroma up front, and a heavy El Dorado hop flavor. 8.5% ABV.” Pairs nicely with life.

BRAIN BELT ZOMBIE PUB CRAWL – AUGUST SCHELL BREWING COMPANY (NEW ULM, MN)

Description: “An American Lager. 4.9% ABV.” Pairs nicely with human flesh.

More to add to your bar tab wish list: Draculager (Woodland Empire/ Boise, ID), Creepshow (Warped Wing Brewing Co./Dayton, OH), and I-P-Alien (Odd13 Brewery/Lafayette, CO). All of these pair nicely with your brain cells.

While you road trip it every one of those states to drown yourself in the local flavors, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not had a budget more than your bar tab…

MINACIOUS / Out now (VOD)

“A customer service agent working from home is terrorized by a dissatisfied psychopathic caller.”

Try as you may, you just can’t please a psycho, no matter how many times you apologize for forgetting a birthday/anniversary/Christmas/leaving the lid up.

FIRENADO / January 3, 2023 (VOD)

“Four scientists uncover a ground-breaking technology capable of controlling weather. On the first use of the device, it malfunctions and creates a fire tornado. As the Firenado leaves a wake of destruction, the group assist in evacuating nearby residents but stumble upon into an organized crime home invasion. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, the group struggle to survive the two threats.”

Pffft — The X-Men’s Storm has been controlling weather since 1975. And she didn’t have to go to scientist school to learn how to do it, either. Natural skillz, b*tches!

THE PRICE WE PAY / January 13, 2023 (VOD)

“After a pawn shop robbery goes askew, two criminals take refuge at a remote farmhouse to let the heat die down, but find something much more menacing.”

It’s cow flop. And not just any sidewalk brand cow flop — this is MENACING cow flop. And it’s friggin’ everywhere. That’s what you get for being a criminal and thinking a farmhouse was a good place to hide out. What a bunch of dumbs.

THE LAST NOSFERATU / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Ethan has been single for several months and is frequenting bars when he decides to meet people via Internet sites. One night, he dates Black Pearl, whom he literally falls in love with. But hardly met, she disappears. She’s not answering his calls, so he decides to go looking for her. One evening, Black Pearl resurfaces and seems to be hiding a mysterious secret that will lead him to a tragic fate.”

Dating a vampire would totally…suck. Hey, how could I NOT encore with that? It’s what I do.