Archive for Batman

Ghost Clowns, Republican Reptiles, Marauding Mermaids

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, demons, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

There have been numerous versions of Catwoman, the fetching felonious feline who gives Batman a stiff Batarang. If you count TV, film, animated movies, comics, graphic novels and video games, there have been 30 Catwomen thus far. That’s a lot of kitty in that litter. But one of the sexiest standouts was Michelle Pfieffer’s skintight latex clad dominatrix portrayal of Catwoman in 1992’s Batman Returns. (Note to Julie Newmar, Batman’s 1966 Catwoman — can’t thank you enough for the carpal tunnel.)

Now you can purchase a replica of Pfieffer’s stylish Catwoman headpiece for a wallet-whomping $699.00. Riddle me this: Why does it cost so much? For one thing, it’s limited to 150 reproductions. Other reasons from PureArts website: “Matching the Batman 1:1 Scale Cowl Replica, this 1:1 Catwoman Mask Replica sits atop a miniature Gotham City mayoral house statue base. Featuring a removable Catwoman whip coiled around the base, PureArts captures the feminine, dangerous and clever essence of Catwoman. The mask replica is created out of PureArts’ poly-based casting material developed specifically for their Batman line, designed to look and feel like real high gloss latex, but never deteriorate.”

There are two versions: standard and one that comes complete with a removable leather whip and miniature version of the “cat clock” found in Shreck’s Department Store in the movie. To complete your cosplay hankerings, you can buy a Catwoman costume on any discount Halloween store, or make one yourself [instructions here].

While you rewatch Michelle’s tingle-inducing performance in Batman Returns and “review” it in the privacy of your own bathroom, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not belong in a litter box…

GHOSTS OF AMITYVILLE /Out now (VOD)

“Following the tragic death of her mother, eight-year-old Olivia soon discovers the demon of Amityville is manifesting itself as a clown.”

For some of us “demons, morphing into a clown is redundant. However, If I was a demon (ahem), I’d manifest myself as a bartender, because hey — TIPS!

LIZARD PEOPLE: THE TRUTH ABOUT REPTILIANS / Out now (VOD)

“They established rule over ancient man, a race of giants known as the Nephilim. Today, their descendants live among us, veiled in any form they choose: DemonAlien…even Reptilian! Two hardcore researchers, Carl Crew and Bryan Sadler, delve deep into the mythology that shrouds the theory of the Reptilians to uncover their true nature and their global power that some say continues to control the world. Through their deceit and deception, will the Reptilians ultimately destroy humankind?”

The horror sci-fi movie The Alligator People came out in 1959. So yeah, Reptilians have been among us over 60 years. Fun fact: “Republican” is a derision of “Reptilian, which explains their continuing true nature to achieve global power and destroy humankind.

INVASION OF THE MERMAIDS / Out now (VOD)

“A fishing village encounters a mysterious water monster. A young man tries to protect the residents and in the process, they unexpectedly discover an invasion of mermaids.”

I’d rather be invaded by mermaids than some of those other oceanic threats, like murder clams or sushi chef’s knife-grade swordfish. And let us not rule out the Thrill Krill Cult.

PARANORMAL WORLD: ALIENS, UFOs, CRYPTIDS AND GHOSTLY ENCOUNTERS / Out now (VOD)

“Sightings of strange, unworldly creatures occur daily around the world. Now we are learning that bizarre creatures like Bigfoot, Dogmen, El Chupacabras, Lake Monsters, Thunderbirds, even Aliens and UFOs may all be connected on our paranormal planet.”

It’s insensitive to refer to these creatures as “bizarre.” Better to say “folklore-capable.

Swimming With Monsters, Jurassic Priest, Spooky Bathtub

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Sharks, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 11, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

It’s not just sharks you have to put at harpoon’s length when swimming in the middle of the ocean with no on-duty lifeguard in sight. There’s gangsta otters, serial killer dolphins, kale seaweed… But in the board game of Float: From the Deep, you also have to swim faster than the other players (i.e., bait) to avoid being fatally nibbled on by sea monsters, watery creatures and the pirate zombies that live, work and party in the deadly deep depths.

Created by Mixtape Massacre™, “Float: From the Deep is a fast-paced tabletop game where players find themselves lost at sea, battling ferocious creatures from below and attempting to outsmart and outlast their fellow players. With only seven days to make it to the island in the foggy distance, its sink, swim, or be devoured by the next monster from the deep.”

The standard version of the game will set you back $39.99 clams. You could buy expansion pack options individually, ranging from $3.00 to $14.99. But do yourself a favor and get Float: The Deep Bundle for $70.96, with a savings of five sand dollars.

While you rummage through your Davy Jones locker (i.e., fishbowl coin jar) to dredge up the required bounty, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not leave you with a sinking feeling…

CONJURING THE GENIE II / Out now (YouTube™)

“An aspiring novelist discovers the deadly reality of the legendary Wishmaker.”

Let the genie out of the 12 oz. bottle and make your all your wishes come true.

A HAUNTED TURKISH BATHHOUSE / January 10, 2023 (Blu-ray)

“An abused wife is sold to a brothel to cover her husband’s debts. The deceitful husband is actually behind it all and in cahoots with the brothel Madame, who is his lover. Tani discovers the truth and gets tortured to death. However, the dead woman’s soul seeks vengeance from a most unusual quarter.”

This movie library essential came out in 1975 and is FINALLY getting the Blu-ray makeover it deserves. I’ve long since worn out the VHS copy I found in a semi-haunted YMCA locker room.

INFINITY POOL / January 27, 2023 (Theaters)

“While enjoying an idyllic, luxury vacation, James encounters the seductive Gabi who promises to show him the hidden side of the island resort. Once beyond the gates, she exposes him to a shocking underworld of violence and sex that pushes his boundaries, with terrifying consequences.”

Shocking violence and sex — the peanut butter and jelly of quality movie plots. Really hoping they push the boundaries to new heights by showing what lies beyond bathing suit areas.

VELOCIPASTOR 2 / Release pending 2023/2024 (VOD)

“The crime-fighting clergyman who transforms into a dinosaur is set to travel to Europe in a story that involves murders at an Italian fertility festival, Soviet spies and Interpol.”

A crime-fighting priest who turns into a dinosaur. No regrets, Batman, but you’ve just been replaced.

Crime-Fighting Coup, Snowy Sorcerer, Blood Geyser

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, paranormal, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If you could own any car in the world, hands down it’d have to be the Batmobile, yes? Screw those poser Lamborghinis and Ferraris; Do they have ejection seats? A parachute braking system? Purple smoke coming out of the exhaust? I think not. But since the original Batmobile — which has all those essential features and more — sold for $4.6 million in 2013, you’re just gonna have to take your Aston Martin Vulcan or Bugatti Bolideto to The Elephant Car Wash™ and pay extra for the hot wax rinse.

Or will you? The Batmobile used in 1989’s Batman and 1992’s Batman Returns is now up for grabs for a crime-stopping $1.5 million car bucks through Classic Auto Mall™. (There’s an unrobbed 7-Eleven™ right next door.) According to the sales pitch, this isn’t just a replica — it’s the actual working prop car designed by illustrator Julian Caldow and built by John Evans’ SFX team at Pinewood Studios in England. Riddle me this — do you want to impress the citizens of your city and strike fear into the hearts of Honda Civic owners or not? You don’t need to have an annoying sidekick who just won’t shut up to answer that.

More selling points: “The car has a Daytona Prototype-like jet engine nose and tall batwings that sandwich its slide-away cockpit. The fighter jet-style cockpit (somehow) has room for three passengers as well as working gadgets, including a flamethrower.” And I ask, what car doesn’t need a flamethrower — beside that grouchy Mad Max neighbor of yours?  

So while we’re looking forward to “Robin” the cookie jar to buy this four-wheeled traffic-thwarter, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not need the flamethrower treatment after watching ’em…  

BED REST / December 7, 2022 (Tubi™)

After years of struggling to start a family, Julie Rivers is pregnant again and moving into a new home with her husband as they embrace a fresh start. Upon being ordered to mandatory bed rest, Julie begins to slowly unravel as she suffers through the monotony and anxiety of her new constraints. Soon, terrifying ghostly experiences in the home begin to close in on Julie, stirring up her past demons and causing others to question her mental stability. Trapped and forced to face her past and the supernatural, Julie fights to protect herself and her unborn baby.”

If you’re a chick spending years trying to get pregnant, of course bed rest is gonna be mandatory. So will cold compresses and walking on crutches for a week or so. For guys it’s usually eight bowls of Wheaties™, 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and it’s saddle up time again for the baloney pony.

THE WINTER WITCH / December 13, 2022 (DVD)

“At the behest of her boss, journalist Ingrid Hoffman returns to her ancestral home when several children are found slaughtered in nearby woodland. With the village suspecting the infamous Winter Witch is behind the killings, together with her daughter Eleanor and estranged grandmother Omi, Ingrid must uncover the truth and stop the curse of Frau Perchta once and for all.”

The Winter Witch is the hardest working wiccan in snow business.

KNOCK AT THE CABIN / February 3, 2023 (Theaters)

“While vacationing at a remote cabin, a young girl and her parents are taken hostage by four armed strangers who demand that the family make an unthinkable choice to avert the apocalypse. With limited access to the outside world, the family must decide what they believe before all is lost.”

What could an unthinkable choice to avert the apocalypse be in this worst case scenario? Let’s examine the obvious clue: a remote cabin. Clearly, the four armed strangers are demanding toilet paper, which is a treasured commodity when in an isolated area and the nearest Wal-Mart™ is as far away as the buzzards fly. Depending on how many wild blueberries and pine cone pot pies you eat, to be without toilet talismans can indeed be an apocalyptic event.

PROJECT WOLF HUNTING / May 15, 2023 (Screambox™)

“During transport from the Philippines to South Korea, a group of dangerous criminals unites to stage a coordinated escape attempt. As the jailbreak escalates into a bloody, all-out riot, the fugitives and their allies from the outside exact a brutal terror campaign against the special agents onboard the ship.”

The advance reviews are enough to make you fill your horror pants with joy AND happiness: “Unending geysers of blood that erupt from wounds, which seem to have tremendously high blood pressure…”, “You’re thrillingly never quite sure who will survive by the end of each escalating episode of bloody bedlam…”, “Frenzied firefights, gory martial arts, all erupting upon the screen with a rousing, volcanic velocity…” I’m a non-religious type of guy, but that sounds like Heaven to me.

Raining Blood, Gotham Farewell, Cursed Rockstars

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 12, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pennywise umbrella

Of all the cool Pennywise the Dancing Clown swag out there, the Pennywise bleeding umbrella has got to be one of the most awesomely awesome things yet.

Pennywise umbrella

A white umbrella sporting Pennywise’s ghoulish face, the weather beater is also printed with “liquid reactive” technology so that when water/rain hits it, the umbrella suddenly comes to life with blood streaks. (I wonder if my underwear is made with liquid reactive technology? That could explain a few things.)

Pennywise umbrella

Arriving soon (June, 2019) and licensed by Merchoid, the Pennywise blood umbrella costs only $22.95. I plan on getting one and walking to church in the rain. Yes, my sense of humor is that bent.

While we all pray for rain, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/TV series that may or may not leave you with red streaks in your underwear…

The 27 Club

THE 27 CLUB (April 23, 2019)
“A singer-songwriter chasing fame and a journalism student researching his thesis are drawn into a sinister underworld as each attempts to discover the truth behind the curse of ‘The 27 Club’.”

The 27 Club is an actual term given to rock musicians who died at the age of 27. (Physical death, not Billboard Top 100 chart death.) Members include Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Brian Jones, Kurt Cobain, and Amy Winehouse. Clearly, this is not a club you want to join at any age. P.S. There was another movie with the same title in 2008. Didn’t see it as it the plot description made no mention of dead rockstars.)

Gotham

GOTHAM (series finale/April 18th & 25, 2019)
“As Bane enacts his final plan for Gotham’s destruction, Gordon rallies his former enemies to save the city. Meanwhile, Nyssa al Ghul kidnaps Barbara’s newborn daughter, with ambitions to raise her as her own. Then, Bruce’s decision to leave Gotham points him to his destiny, while devastating Selina.”

Really hate seeing this one go as Ive been enthusiastically watching it since 2014. Putting all of the main players in the Batman origins universe, this show has been ridiculously brutal, graphically gory, and unapologetically violent. In other words…FUN! The Joker, Riddler, Penguin, Mr. Freeze, Catwoman (Catgirl, actually), Poison Ivy, Bane, Hugo Strange, Ra’s al Ghul, Jim Gordon, Jonathan Crane, The Mad Hatter… Best of all, no Robin. (Sorry, but that guy’s pantyhose makes me feel uncomfortable.)

Antrum

ANTRUM: THE DEADLIEST MOVIE EVER MADE (2019)
Antrum is the titular cursed feature, which purports to have been shot in the late 1970s by unknown filmmakers. It spins the tale of two siblings who perform an occult ritual in the woods, seeking closure after the death of a beloved pet. But their seemingly symbolic act may have truly unleashed Hell on Earth.”

When you slap on “The Deadliest Movie Ever Made,” you better bring the groceries, though I’m prepared to be suckered YET AGAIN. On a side note, is it just me or does this kinda sounds like a spin on Pet Sematary (1989/2019)?

Trick

TRICK (2019/2020)
“An elusive serial killer descends upon a small town annually and is responsible for gruesome murders year after year, each seemingly unrelated. No one believes this could be the same killer. Detective Denver has faced Trick once before, having shot and killed him. Or so everyone keeps telling him. However, Denver knows Trick is still out there, and he’s coming back for revenge.”

Sounds like the serial killer — and the movie director — has been watching the Purge movies.

Death Balls, Dolled Up Horror, Supervillain Rebirth

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Phantasm Sphere Collection

Of all the horror movie collectibles out there, you be hard pressed to find something as cool as the full-scale replica of the Phantasm flying death spheres. And here’s the even cooler part — the spheres come as part of the brand new Phantasm Limited Collector’s Edition Blu-ray set of the complete film series. I already have the moves, but no flying death spheres. Time to dip into the retirement fund YET AGAIN.

Phantasm Sphere Collection

Due out Halloween of 2019, the Phantasm Sphere Collection will be pumped up with new extras and a “be a meticulous 4K restoration of 1988’s Phantasm II.” But wait, there’s more: the set will also come with a new documentary on the making of Phantasm: Ravager (2016). I just re-booted in my pants.

Phantasm: Ravager

Don’t know how much it’ll cost, nor do I care. One should never have to go through life without a flying death sphere. While we all wait to quit pee shivering, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not stick in your head like a flying death sphere

Thriller

THRILLER (April 14, 2019/Netflix™)
“Years after a childhood prank goes horribly wrong, a clique of South Central LA teens find themselves terrorized during Homecoming Weekend by a killer hell-bent on revenge.”

Cool: All African-American cast. Not cool: The seriously cliched and worn out plot/title.

Brahms: Th Boy II

BRAHMS: THE BOY II (July 26, 2019)
“A young family, unaware of the terrifying history of the estate into which they move, their young son soon makes an unsettling new friend, an eerily life-like doll he calls Brahms.”

The sequel to the not-too-shabby The Boy (2016). Was hesitant to watch another “possessed doll” movie, but it had a nice, nasty twist as well as the staggeringly gorgeous Lauren Cohan (Maggie, The Walking Dead) in it. Now there’s a doll I’d like to possess.

Joker

JOKER (October 4, 2019)
“In 1981, a failed stand-up comedian, disregarded by his society, turns to a life of crime and chaos in Gotham City, slowly rising up to become a frightening legend.”

A new spin on Batman’s bestie forever foe. And judging by the trailer, it’s gonna be awesomely awesome. Note to Batman: run.

Native American Superheroes, Foreign Earthquakes, Monster Puppets

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jeffrey Veregge

Came across the fantastic, minimalist sci-fi/fantasy art of artist, Jeffrey Veregge, and his pretty dang funny intro to his bio: “My origins are not supernatural, nor have they been enhanced by radioactive spiders. I am simply a Native American artist and writer whose creative mantra in best summed up with a word from my tribe’s own language as: “tačaxétəŋ”, which means, “get into trouble.” (Note to Mr. Veregge — I probably screwed up your tribe’s language on that one — please don’t kill me in half.)

Jeffrey Veregge

Jeffrey Veregge is a member of the Port Gamble S’Klallam Tribe and his Native American artistic stylings cast guys like Batman, Superman and Spider-man into refreshing new interpretations. And hey, put a .com after his name and go see all the other incredible art he does.

Jeffrey Veregge

Before we all go back to the art store to return unused art supplies because we’re not even in the ballpark of Jeffrey’s artistic talent (there’s always a bathroom that needs cleaning), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not insult Native Americans

A Breath Away

A BREATH AWAY (February 1, 2019)
“Parents are desperately trying to save their daughter from a deadly toxic mist that has engulfed Paris after an earthquake. Only those lucky enough to escape to the rooftops of the city were able to survive; their daughter, who suffers from a genetic condition requiring her to live in a hermetic box that filters the air, is trapped below.”

If ever there was a situation that could be referred to as “f’d in the b-hole,” this is it. As for the toxic mist engulfing Paris after an earthquake, I bet it was all the Parisians simultaneously fright-farting their britches off during said natural disaster. What follows next is aftershocks and butt-croissants.

Velvet Buzzsaw

VELVET BUZZSAW (February 1, 2019/Netflix™)
“After a series of paintings by an unknown artist are discovered, a supernatural force enacts revenge on those who have allowed their greed to get in the way of art.”

Velvet Buzzsaw is also a sex term used by dirty-minded people. I don’t know why I know that.

Kaiju Confidental

KAIJU CONFIDENTIAL (2019)
Grigon’s not the toughest beast on the block, but he’s certainly the most neurotic. When he discovers the legendary Mega-Hydra rampaging on his turf, it becomes a stand-off of passive-aggressive proportions.”

This looks like a puppet show. And we all know what is shoved up the ass-end of a puppet.

Jewish Horror, Erotic Horror, Photocopied Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

G1988

If you’re a fan of fringe art, hard to find a better place than G1988, a kick ass art gallery in Los Angeles (7308 Melrose Ave.) They do theme shows all the time, featuring groovy cool works from indie artists. Their latest show — and a returning one at that — is Product Placement artwork inspired by fictitious items from movies and TV. (They had me at Product Placement.)

G1988

Contributing artists for this one includes Blain Hefner and his brilliant take on Halloween, James Olstein’s kitschy spin on Batman, and Ryan Hungerford’s killer Captain Spaulding (from House of 1000 Corpses/2003) famous fried chicken. And if this all wasn’t cool enough, you can actually buy prints of these must-have artfulness.

G1988

I’m gonna have to buy a couple as the only things I can draw are curtains, bathwater and flies. (Old joke, but it still cracks me up.) Before you click on over to gallery1988.com to browse through their insanely amazing art pieces, here are a few now just released/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be suitable for framing…

The Legend of Halloween Jack

THE LEGEND OF HALLOWEEN JACK (available now)
“The sleepy seaside town of England is about to learn the true meaning of vengeance. As the residents gear up for the annual Halloween celebration, little do they know that their seemingly perfect town masks a guilty secret. One year earlier a group of vigilantes took matters into their own hands when notorious criminal Jack Cain escaped conviction. After torturing and killing Cain, they buried his body in the local cornfield and made a pact to never speak his name again. Now, on the day when the veil between the living and dead is at its thinnest, a mysterious apparition begins stalking the land and dishing out brutal retribution to the vigilante group. So begins the Legend of Halloween Jack.”

Freddy Krueger should sue Halloween Jack for jackin’ the Elm Street horror icon’s intellectual property. And this take on the plot is as uninspired as his burlap suit. (Burlap doesn’t coordinate with anything except potatoes.)

AMERICAN FRIGHT FEST (available now)
“Blood runs rampant on Halloween night when a small town’s Fright Fest becomes real inside the walls of a long abandoned asylum. Spencer Crowe, a former A-List horror director — long past his prime, having been in and out of rehab several times — gets a second chance at his career when he’s given the opportunity to produce a local Fright Fest.”

And this guy is ripping off Leatherface, what with the chainsaw and mangled face mask. How come nobody uses a weed wacker as a weapon of choice? Those things can make serious welts on your ankles and shins.

The House of Violent Desire

THE HOUSE OF VIOLENT DESIRE (available now)
“In a remote hill top mansion, a mysterious stranger emerges from a thunderstorm in the night, seeking refuge with the Whipley family; four young adults ruled by their strict religious mother, and their troubled father, who has vanished the previous night. But perhaps the ‘stranger’ is more connected to this family and to the dark unknown history of the house than they could ever suspect, and as the visitor begins to cultivate sexual tensions and paranoia within the house, the devilishly erotic history of the Whipley family threatens to lure them deep into its lustful, violent madness once again.”

The House of Violent Desire. Sounds like a cool name for a dive bar.

Hanukkah

HANUKKAH (2018)
Obediah Lazarus is the son of Judah Lazarus, the original Hanukiller. In 1983, Judah terrorized NY for seven nights and was preparing to sacrifice his eight-year-old son, Obediah, on the eighth night. Judah was convinced it was God’s will, like Abraham and Isaac, to sacrifice his only son to God. Luckily for Obediah, police tracked Judah down and stopped the sacrifice, but Judah was gunned down in the process. Warped by hatred with no guidance, Obediah Lazarus becomes a religious extremist, intolerant of non-Jews, ‘bad Jews’, and those he perceives to be enemies of the Jewish faith. He is about to unleash eight nights of horror. A group of Jewish teens are getting ready to party for the holidays, but are in for a Festival of Frights. With the help of a wise Rabbi, they deduce that the murder victims have violated Judaic law and that their only chance at survival is to embrace their faith.”

Oy veh — a Jewish slasher film! The plot, though, reminds me of an old joke: 

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating.

A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.

Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.

The blind man ran his fingers over the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this crap?”

Comedy gold, I tell you.

Tattooed Superhero, Pentagon Aliens, Eating Planets

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batgirl

Going batty over the first released pic of Ruby Rose as the new Batgirl. Before she launches her own series, CW is gonna have her do pop-ups in The Flash, Supergirl and Arrow. (It’ll be called Elseworlds. Batman is gonna be so jealous.)

Ruby Rose

Ruby Rose, if you didn’t hear, is being touted as the first gay female superhero in the lead role. While CW already has several high-profile gay/lesbian characters in their superhero shows, this is further great news. And the stunningly attractive and badass Ruby — former Australian model, actress, and television presenter who is literally painted in tattoos — is an awesome casting choice. (You saw her in The Meg, yes? The shark wisely chose to swim in the opposite direction of her.)

Ruby Rose

While we wait impatiently for Ruby to turn criminals into prison fertilizer, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not be as cool as the new Batgirl

Aliens At The Pentagon

ALIENS AT THE PENTAGON (available now)
“For years the US government denied investigating UFOs. But when an ultra-secret Pentagon program to study the Alien threat was exposed in late 2017, the world was stunned by this revelation. Nick Pope, aka ‘The Real Fox Mulder’, investigated UFOs and other unexplained phenomena for the British government. Now Nick exposes the secretive workings of the Pentagon’s real-life X-Files unit, using his knowledge and past experience to tell the incredible story as only a true government insider can.”

If you’re a fan of UFO documentaries like, um, me, then you’ll no doubt want to rent this one. But don’t buy it if you’re planning on being abducted by aliens in the near future. I’m still waiting.

Haunted

HAUNTED (October 19, 2018/Netflix™)
Netflix’s™ Haunted gives a chilling glimpse into the first-person accounts from people who have witnessed horrifying, peculiar, extraordinary supernatural events and other unexplained phenomena that continue to haunt them.”

The only horrifying event I’ve ever witnessed is the bar I’m in closing at 2AM. I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it. Then again, maybe it’s all that beer that’s giving me the trembles.

Godzilla: The Planet Eater

GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER (November 9, 2018/Japan | Netflix™ 2019)
“Last year, Toho and Polygon kicked off an animated trilogy with Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, which continued this year with Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle (now on Netflix™). The trilogy ends with Godzilla: The Planet Eater.”

Awesome title. And it suits Godzilla Earth perfectly as he can be seen in the previous two animated features biting into mountains as if they were Hostess Cupcakes™. So if he eats a planet for dinner, what might be a good side dish — a jungle salad, perhaps?

Pet Sematary

PET SEMATARY (April 5, 2019)
“Based on the seminal horror novel by Stephen King, Pet Sematary follows Dr. Louis Creed, who, after relocating with his wife Rachel and their two young children from Boston to rural Maine, discovers a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near the family’s new home. When tragedy strikes, Louis turns to his unusual neighbor, Jud Crandall, setting off a perilous chain reaction that unleashes an unfathomable evil with horrific consequences.”

If you saw the original adaptation (1989), it was pretty dang excellent, even if it was a spin on the Monkey’s Paw back-from-the-dead gut-punch. I don’t care as the trailer for the new one looks to continue the thrills, chills and doctor bills.

Shark Alarm

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

In Shark Attack In The Mediterranean (aka, Hai-Alarm auf Mallorca/2004)A helicopter pilot’s wife was sampled by a huge shark, which left him grief-stricken and unable to take his leather coat off in the hot sun. So he moves his supermodel-in-training daughter to the Mediterranean (Mallorca, to be exact, but I don’t know where in the ocean that is) and flies a different helicopter around while his daughter takes tourists on super fun shark-diving excursions.

Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

Then there’s his police officer best friend whose wife is dying of cancer stuff. Then there’s a jet-ski race. Then there’s a supermodel marine biologist who just happens to go for guys who wear leather jackets in the hot sun. She ends up working for a science firm giving enemas to sharks to find out why those mindless eating machines don’t get cancer. (See how this is all starting to tie together?)

Shark Attack in the MediterraneanBodies start to wash up on the beach, which makes leather coat man all uptight, especially after he pulls a tooth the size of a hubcap out of a floater. Now all he has to do is convince everyone he’s not crazy by running down the beach yelling, “Shark alarm! Shark alarm!” He does this 11 times (I counted). Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

When you do get to see the shark, it’s somewhat impressive (i.e., it doesn’t look too fake). It swims as fast as Aquaman on crystal meth, though, which means if you get in the water you’re gonna end up as ocean lasagna. The mega gripe here is that most of the time is spent on the tedious sub-plots and not what we paid good money to see, which is the giant shark’s digestive system in action. 

Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

Where it gets good for 30 seconds is when Megalodon swallows a jet-ski. Too bad there wasn’t anyone on it, a sea hippie perhaps. And leather coat man? He totally pulls a Batman and hangs from the struts of a helicopter to take a rifle shot at the shark, which doesn’t seem to have a problem launching out of the water like a Crest-sponsored Polaris missile.

Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

So if L-coatman was dangling from the copter, who was flying it? Why, his supermodel marine biologist girlfriend, of course! And you thought they only taught about stinky fish in oceanography school. You must feel pretty dumb right about now. The best line in the whole movie: “He’s young and Spanish — no wonder my daughter is attracted to him.” ¡Conseguido eso la derecha, gringo!

TV Superheroes, Wooden Evil, Bad Babies

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Daily Planet

Cracking up over the “cover story” of the Daily Planet (where Superman as Clark Kent works for minimum wage) about superheroes uniting to protect the Earth. Whoever mocked this up is a flippin’ genius and probably drinks a lot of smart water.

Lois Lane and Clark Kent

The article is “written” by Lois Lane. So awesome. But it’s the photo of Superman (George Reeves), Batman (Adam West), Robin (Burt Ward) Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter) and Aquaman (Lloyd Bridges) that’s even better because none of these heroes overlapped in the same time/universe. Conclusive proof: Adventures of Superman aired from 1952 — 1958. Batman aired from 1966 — 1968. Wonder Woman aired from 1975 — 1979. And Sea Hunt (here’s the genius part) aired from 1958 — 1961. Outside of a pilot episode that sunk faster than a heavy metal clam, there was no Aquaman TV series. There was, however, a cartoon series that ran from 1967 — 1970, so someone cast former United States Navy frogman Mike Nelson (Lloyd Bridges) as the scuba-doo underwater hero (Sea Hunt ran for 155 episodes). That he was depicted as Aquaman (in his original DC Comics suit) is full-on brilliant. P.S. Aquaman was punked by Man From Atlantis, which ran from 1977 — 1978, and featured a guy with “amphibious abilities.” That is so low tide.

Sea Hunt

While I go to Metropolis to get a copy of the Daily Planet and frame it, here’s a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be worthy of a Lois Lane cover story…

Blood Child

BLOOD CHILD (available now)
“After suffering a devastating miscarriage in Singapore, Ashley turns to a witch doctor to help her with the occult practice of raising a ‘ghost child’ and finding the spirit of her lost child. After returning to the States, Ashley and her husband Bill find themselves pregnant again. However, their happiness is short lived as the pregnancy acts as a catalyst for a series of terrifying events that start to occur within their home. The family soon learns that Ashley has brought back a lot more than just memories from Asia. The spirit of their lost child is not about to play second fiddle to the impending new arrival, and unleashes an unspeakable evil upon the household.”

YET ANOTHER evil kid birth movie. Start with Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and go from there. So what do you feed the little home wrecker — Gerber’s™ Demon Peas? (Their strained Hell bananas, though, are to die for. No pun intended.)

RootwoodROOTWOOD (2018)
“Students Jessica and William are hosting The Spooky Hour, a podcast about paranormal phenomena and urban legends, when they’re hired by the Hollywood film producer Laura Benott to produce a horror documentary about the Curse of the Wooden Devil. They smell a chance to become famous. Together with their friend Erin they enter Rootwood Forest and investigate the area to find out the truth about the Wooden Devil and his victims.”

Sounds like YET ANOTHER Blair Witch Project (1999) knock-off/rip-off. What if they get there, only to find out the Wooden Devil is just handmade birdhouse? We can only hope satanic seagulls live in it.

The Wind

THE WIND (2018)
“A supernatural thriller set in the Western frontier of the late 1800s, where a plains-woman is driven mad by the harshness and isolation of the untamed land.”

She’s not looking at the plus side of living way out in the middle of nowhere. No traffic, noisy neighbors and plenty of flesh-eating buffalo to play fetch with and occasionally rub their fuzzy bellies (they really like that). Sounds like a slice of Heaven to me.

Isabelle

ISABELLE (2019)
“An all-American couple dream of starting a family is shattered after they move into the perfect New England neighborhood. Once settled, they soon after descend into the depths of terror as they struggle to survive a genuine threat from a dark presence that appears to want to end their very lives.”

Though this one was originally titled, The Wanting, it should’ve been called The Republicans. It also describes me in a dive bar, or “unkempt tavern.”