Archive for Batman

Native American Superheroes, Foreign Earthquakes, Monster Puppets

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jeffrey Veregge

Came across the fantastic, minimalist sci-fi/fantasy art of artist, Jeffrey Veregge, and his pretty dang funny intro to his bio: “My origins are not supernatural, nor have they been enhanced by radioactive spiders. I am simply a Native American artist and writer whose creative mantra in best summed up with a word from my tribe’s own language as: “tačaxétəŋ”, which means, “get into trouble.” (Note to Mr. Veregge — I probably screwed up your tribe’s language on that one — please don’t kill me in half.)

Jeffrey Veregge

Jeffrey Veregge is a member of the Port Gamble S’Klallam Tribe and his Native American artistic stylings cast guys like Batman, Superman and Spider-man into refreshing new interpretations. And hey, put a .com after his name and go see all the other incredible art he does.

Jeffrey Veregge

Before we all go back to the art store to return unused art supplies because we’re not even in the ballpark of Jeffrey’s artistic talent (there’s always a bathroom that needs cleaning), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not insult Native Americans

A Breath Away

A BREATH AWAY (February 1, 2019)
“Parents are desperately trying to save their daughter from a deadly toxic mist that has engulfed Paris after an earthquake. Only those lucky enough to escape to the rooftops of the city were able to survive; their daughter, who suffers from a genetic condition requiring her to live in a hermetic box that filters the air, is trapped below.”

If ever there was a situation that could be referred to as “f’d in the b-hole,” this is it. As for the toxic mist engulfing Paris after an earthquake, I bet it was all the Parisians simultaneously fright-farting their britches off during said natural disaster. What follows next is aftershocks and butt-croissants.

Velvet Buzzsaw

VELVET BUZZSAW (February 1, 2019/Netflix™)
“After a series of paintings by an unknown artist are discovered, a supernatural force enacts revenge on those who have allowed their greed to get in the way of art.”

Velvet Buzzsaw is also a sex term used by dirty-minded people. I don’t know why I know that.

Kaiju Confidental

KAIJU CONFIDENTIAL (2019)
Grigon’s not the toughest beast on the block, but he’s certainly the most neurotic. When he discovers the legendary Mega-Hydra rampaging on his turf, it becomes a stand-off of passive-aggressive proportions.”

This looks like a puppet show. And we all know what is shoved up the ass-end of a puppet.

Jewish Horror, Erotic Horror, Photocopied Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

G1988

If you’re a fan of fringe art, hard to find a better place than G1988, a kick ass art gallery in Los Angeles (7308 Melrose Ave.) They do theme shows all the time, featuring groovy cool works from indie artists. Their latest show — and a returning one at that — is Product Placement artwork inspired by fictitious items from movies and TV. (They had me at Product Placement.)

G1988

Contributing artists for this one includes Blain Hefner and his brilliant take on Halloween, James Olstein’s kitschy spin on Batman, and Ryan Hungerford’s killer Captain Spaulding (from House of 1000 Corpses/2003) famous fried chicken. And if this all wasn’t cool enough, you can actually buy prints of these must-have artfulness.

G1988

I’m gonna have to buy a couple as the only things I can draw are curtains, bathwater and flies. (Old joke, but it still cracks me up.) Before you click on over to gallery1988.com to browse through their insanely amazing art pieces, here are a few now just released/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be suitable for framing…

The Legend of Halloween Jack

THE LEGEND OF HALLOWEEN JACK (available now)
“The sleepy seaside town of England is about to learn the true meaning of vengeance. As the residents gear up for the annual Halloween celebration, little do they know that their seemingly perfect town masks a guilty secret. One year earlier a group of vigilantes took matters into their own hands when notorious criminal Jack Cain escaped conviction. After torturing and killing Cain, they buried his body in the local cornfield and made a pact to never speak his name again. Now, on the day when the veil between the living and dead is at its thinnest, a mysterious apparition begins stalking the land and dishing out brutal retribution to the vigilante group. So begins the Legend of Halloween Jack.”

Freddy Krueger should sue Halloween Jack for jackin’ the Elm Street horror icon’s intellectual property. And this take on the plot is as uninspired as his burlap suit. (Burlap doesn’t coordinate with anything except potatoes.)

AMERICAN FRIGHT FEST (available now)
“Blood runs rampant on Halloween night when a small town’s Fright Fest becomes real inside the walls of a long abandoned asylum. Spencer Crowe, a former A-List horror director — long past his prime, having been in and out of rehab several times — gets a second chance at his career when he’s given the opportunity to produce a local Fright Fest.”

And this guy is ripping off Leatherface, what with the chainsaw and mangled face mask. How come nobody uses a weed wacker as a weapon of choice? Those things can make serious welts on your ankles and shins.

The House of Violent Desire

THE HOUSE OF VIOLENT DESIRE (available now)
“In a remote hill top mansion, a mysterious stranger emerges from a thunderstorm in the night, seeking refuge with the Whipley family; four young adults ruled by their strict religious mother, and their troubled father, who has vanished the previous night. But perhaps the ‘stranger’ is more connected to this family and to the dark unknown history of the house than they could ever suspect, and as the visitor begins to cultivate sexual tensions and paranoia within the house, the devilishly erotic history of the Whipley family threatens to lure them deep into its lustful, violent madness once again.”

The House of Violent Desire. Sounds like a cool name for a dive bar.

Hanukkah

HANUKKAH (2018)
Obediah Lazarus is the son of Judah Lazarus, the original Hanukiller. In 1983, Judah terrorized NY for seven nights and was preparing to sacrifice his eight-year-old son, Obediah, on the eighth night. Judah was convinced it was God’s will, like Abraham and Isaac, to sacrifice his only son to God. Luckily for Obediah, police tracked Judah down and stopped the sacrifice, but Judah was gunned down in the process. Warped by hatred with no guidance, Obediah Lazarus becomes a religious extremist, intolerant of non-Jews, ‘bad Jews’, and those he perceives to be enemies of the Jewish faith. He is about to unleash eight nights of horror. A group of Jewish teens are getting ready to party for the holidays, but are in for a Festival of Frights. With the help of a wise Rabbi, they deduce that the murder victims have violated Judaic law and that their only chance at survival is to embrace their faith.”

Oy veh — a Jewish slasher film! The plot, though, reminds me of an old joke: 

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating.

A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.

Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man.

The blind man ran his fingers over the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this crap?”

Comedy gold, I tell you.

Tattooed Superhero, Pentagon Aliens, Eating Planets

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batgirl

Going batty over the first released pic of Ruby Rose as the new Batgirl. Before she launches her own series, CW is gonna have her do pop-ups in The Flash, Supergirl and Arrow. (It’ll be called Elseworlds. Batman is gonna be so jealous.)

Ruby Rose

Ruby Rose, if you didn’t hear, is being touted as the first gay female superhero in the lead role. While CW already has several high-profile gay/lesbian characters in their superhero shows, this is further great news. And the stunningly attractive and badass Ruby — former Australian model, actress, and television presenter who is literally painted in tattoos — is an awesome casting choice. (You saw her in The Meg, yes? The shark wisely chose to swim in the opposite direction of her.)

Ruby Rose

While we wait impatiently for Ruby to turn criminals into prison fertilizer, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not be as cool as the new Batgirl

Aliens At The Pentagon

ALIENS AT THE PENTAGON (available now)
“For years the US government denied investigating UFOs. But when an ultra-secret Pentagon program to study the Alien threat was exposed in late 2017, the world was stunned by this revelation. Nick Pope, aka ‘The Real Fox Mulder’, investigated UFOs and other unexplained phenomena for the British government. Now Nick exposes the secretive workings of the Pentagon’s real-life X-Files unit, using his knowledge and past experience to tell the incredible story as only a true government insider can.”

If you’re a fan of UFO documentaries like, um, me, then you’ll no doubt want to rent this one. But don’t buy it if you’re planning on being abducted by aliens in the near future. I’m still waiting.

Haunted

HAUNTED (October 19, 2018/Netflix™)
Netflix’s™ Haunted gives a chilling glimpse into the first-person accounts from people who have witnessed horrifying, peculiar, extraordinary supernatural events and other unexplained phenomena that continue to haunt them.”

The only horrifying event I’ve ever witnessed is the bar I’m in closing at 2AM. I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it. Then again, maybe it’s all that beer that’s giving me the trembles.

Godzilla: The Planet Eater

GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER (November 9, 2018/Japan | Netflix™ 2019)
“Last year, Toho and Polygon kicked off an animated trilogy with Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, which continued this year with Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle (now on Netflix™). The trilogy ends with Godzilla: The Planet Eater.”

Awesome title. And it suits Godzilla Earth perfectly as he can be seen in the previous two animated features biting into mountains as if they were Hostess Cupcakes™. So if he eats a planet for dinner, what might be a good side dish — a jungle salad, perhaps?

Pet Sematary

PET SEMATARY (April 5, 2019)
“Based on the seminal horror novel by Stephen King, Pet Sematary follows Dr. Louis Creed, who, after relocating with his wife Rachel and their two young children from Boston to rural Maine, discovers a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near the family’s new home. When tragedy strikes, Louis turns to his unusual neighbor, Jud Crandall, setting off a perilous chain reaction that unleashes an unfathomable evil with horrific consequences.”

If you saw the original adaptation (1989), it was pretty dang excellent, even if it was a spin on the Monkey’s Paw back-from-the-dead gut-punch. I don’t care as the trailer for the new one looks to continue the thrills, chills and doctor bills.

Shark Alarm

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

In Shark Attack In The Mediterranean (aka, Hai-Alarm auf Mallorca/2004)A helicopter pilot’s wife was sampled by a huge shark, which left him grief-stricken and unable to take his leather coat off in the hot sun. So he moves his supermodel-in-training daughter to the Mediterranean (Mallorca, to be exact, but I don’t know where in the ocean that is) and flies a different helicopter around while his daughter takes tourists on super fun shark-diving excursions.

Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

Then there’s his police officer best friend whose wife is dying of cancer stuff. Then there’s a jet-ski race. Then there’s a supermodel marine biologist who just happens to go for guys who wear leather jackets in the hot sun. She ends up working for a science firm giving enemas to sharks to find out why those mindless eating machines don’t get cancer. (See how this is all starting to tie together?)

Shark Attack in the MediterraneanBodies start to wash up on the beach, which makes leather coat man all uptight, especially after he pulls a tooth the size of a hubcap out of a floater. Now all he has to do is convince everyone he’s not crazy by running down the beach yelling, “Shark alarm! Shark alarm!” He does this 11 times (I counted). Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

When you do get to see the shark, it’s somewhat impressive (i.e., it doesn’t look too fake). It swims as fast as Aquaman on crystal meth, though, which means if you get in the water you’re gonna end up as ocean lasagna. The mega gripe here is that most of the time is spent on the tedious sub-plots and not what we paid good money to see, which is the giant shark’s digestive system in action. 

Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

Where it gets good for 30 seconds is when Megalodon swallows a jet-ski. Too bad there wasn’t anyone on it, a sea hippie perhaps. And leather coat man? He totally pulls a Batman and hangs from the struts of a helicopter to take a rifle shot at the shark, which doesn’t seem to have a problem launching out of the water like a Crest-sponsored Polaris missile.

Shark Attack in the Mediterranean

So if L-coatman was dangling from the copter, who was flying it? Why, his supermodel marine biologist girlfriend, of course! And you thought they only taught about stinky fish in oceanography school. You must feel pretty dumb right about now. The best line in the whole movie: “He’s young and Spanish — no wonder my daughter is attracted to him.” ¡Conseguido eso la derecha, gringo!

TV Superheroes, Wooden Evil, Bad Babies

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Daily Planet

Cracking up over the “cover story” of the Daily Planet (where Superman as Clark Kent works for minimum wage) about superheroes uniting to protect the Earth. Whoever mocked this up is a flippin’ genius and probably drinks a lot of smart water.

Lois Lane and Clark Kent

The article is “written” by Lois Lane. So awesome. But it’s the photo of Superman (George Reeves), Batman (Adam West), Robin (Burt Ward) Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter) and Aquaman (Lloyd Bridges) that’s even better because none of these heroes overlapped in the same time/universe. Conclusive proof: Adventures of Superman aired from 1952 — 1958. Batman aired from 1966 — 1968. Wonder Woman aired from 1975 — 1979. And Sea Hunt (here’s the genius part) aired from 1958 — 1961. Outside of a pilot episode that sunk faster than a heavy metal clam, there was no Aquaman TV series. There was, however, a cartoon series that ran from 1967 — 1970, so someone cast former United States Navy frogman Mike Nelson (Lloyd Bridges) as the scuba-doo underwater hero (Sea Hunt ran for 155 episodes). That he was depicted as Aquaman (in his original DC Comics suit) is full-on brilliant. P.S. Aquaman was punked by Man From Atlantis, which ran from 1977 — 1978, and featured a guy with “amphibious abilities.” That is so low tide.

Sea Hunt

While I go to Metropolis to get a copy of the Daily Planet and frame it, here’s a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be worthy of a Lois Lane cover story…

Blood Child

BLOOD CHILD (available now)
“After suffering a devastating miscarriage in Singapore, Ashley turns to a witch doctor to help her with the occult practice of raising a ‘ghost child’ and finding the spirit of her lost child. After returning to the States, Ashley and her husband Bill find themselves pregnant again. However, their happiness is short lived as the pregnancy acts as a catalyst for a series of terrifying events that start to occur within their home. The family soon learns that Ashley has brought back a lot more than just memories from Asia. The spirit of their lost child is not about to play second fiddle to the impending new arrival, and unleashes an unspeakable evil upon the household.”

YET ANOTHER evil kid birth movie. Start with Rosemary’s Baby (1968) and go from there. So what do you feed the little home wrecker — Gerber’s™ Demon Peas? (Their strained Hell bananas, though, are to die for. No pun intended.)

RootwoodROOTWOOD (2018)
“Students Jessica and William are hosting The Spooky Hour, a podcast about paranormal phenomena and urban legends, when they’re hired by the Hollywood film producer Laura Benott to produce a horror documentary about the Curse of the Wooden Devil. They smell a chance to become famous. Together with their friend Erin they enter Rootwood Forest and investigate the area to find out the truth about the Wooden Devil and his victims.”

Sounds like YET ANOTHER Blair Witch Project (1999) knock-off/rip-off. What if they get there, only to find out the Wooden Devil is just handmade birdhouse? We can only hope satanic seagulls live in it.

The Wind

THE WIND (2018)
“A supernatural thriller set in the Western frontier of the late 1800s, where a plains-woman is driven mad by the harshness and isolation of the untamed land.”

She’s not looking at the plus side of living way out in the middle of nowhere. No traffic, noisy neighbors and plenty of flesh-eating buffalo to play fetch with and occasionally rub their fuzzy bellies (they really like that). Sounds like a slice of Heaven to me.

Isabelle

ISABELLE (2019)
“An all-American couple dream of starting a family is shattered after they move into the perfect New England neighborhood. Once settled, they soon after descend into the depths of terror as they struggle to survive a genuine threat from a dark presence that appears to want to end their very lives.”

Though this one was originally titled, The Wanting, it should’ve been called The Republicans. It also describes me in a dive bar, or “unkempt tavern.”

Super Batman

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Super Batman vs. Mazinga

Full disclosure: Never actually saw the whole Super Batman vs. Mazinga (1990) movie  as it was playing on a TV screen in an independently-owned and operated video store. I watched it for about an hour before they kicked me out for not buying/renting anything.

Super Batman vs. Mazinga

From what I was able to ascertain by blocking the aisle is that Super Batman Vs. Mazinga is a Korean kid’s movie starring an Asian version of Batman. He looked cheesily awesome and with more colors than his US counterpart (the ’60s version, not the super cool 2005 Batman Begins version). 

Super Batman vs. Mazinga

The Koreans got it right by dumping the Joker and the Riddler and having Batman battle unlawful werewolves and criminally-intent aliens. That was/is quite excellent. And he does this not with a Bat-a-Rang™ or help from his festive sidekick Robin, but with amazing martial arts ninja punchings and kicks.

Super Batman vs. Mazinga

And it didn’t have sub-titles. Who cares? I don’t need words when Batman is punching a werewolf in the hydrant or yanking the tentacles off an alien and beating it with them. Don’t know how it ended, but I’m pretty sure Batman won. I wouldn’t want to know if he didn’t as that would seriously make me distraught.

Supermodel Science Experiment

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Splice

Splice (2010) is a sci-fi horror film about bio-experiments gone wild that finally answers the question: “Do these genes make me look fat?” 

Clive and Elsa, two biochemists working for a profit-minded corporation, create a male and female life form that, when harvested, will produce a protein that’ll make animals juicier and tastier, thereby generating more sales. Naming the meatloaf/tongue couple “Fred & Ginger” (cute — they even had a Sid & Nancy, but no Batman & Robin), in order to take it to the next step, the young scientists want to splice this new animal DNA with human DNA to unlock the secret of diseases, like swollen butt and puffy elbow, thereby generating even more profits for the corporation. 

Splice

The answer is hell no, but Clive and Elsa forge ahead in private and give birth to a rat-legged human type creature with a butter top noggin. The woman names this new species “Dren” (N.E.R.D. spelled backward, the name of the company they work for), and dresses it up in little girl’s clothes and gives it teddy bears and dolls.

Splice

Prior to that, Clive wanted to gas the unholy thing, and even tried drowning it, which is the mandate of science. But this little cutie is growing at an exponential rate and is developing things like wings, a stinger tail, and boobies. She can communicate, but only speaks in a noise that sounds like a cross between a chipmunk and Flipper. This “flipmunk” noise gets screechy when she’s stressed, and purring when she makes out with you. Just like women in real life.

Splice

Getting Dren out of the lab and sequestered in a barn that Elsa became owner of after her cruel mother died, they try and keep her entertained. She’d rather eat live rabbits and take her clothes off. But Elsa’s mental state is doing a slow grind into that of her strict mother, acting overly “parental.” She even took a homeless cat away from her, just in case someone got hungry in the middle of the night. All the time Clive keeps screaming about how this is all wrong, but goes along with it anyway because he’s kind of a wuss, letting Elsa walk all over him.

Splice

Playing Eve to his Adam, she gets him to take a bite of the hothouse apple. He takes a big bite; There’s a rather uncomfortable scene where Clive and Dren become more than just friends. But he has one on the chick scientist, too — that human DNA didn’t come from a nameless donor. Ethics and “rules” become more distorted and Dren starts changing — and it’s not into something more comfortable.

Splice

Dren is eerily gorgeous, though I could do without the rat legs and four-fingered hand feet. The tail’s cool, and while she’s bald with a crease dividing her head into two equal parts (it doesn’t open the way a toaster oven door might), it’s Dren’s “at one with nature” exhibitionism that makes her the supermodel alternate life-form of the year.

Splice

If you’ve seen Xtro (1983), you know how this baby (sorry) ends. And you’ll pick up on elements spliced (sorry) from such “science inside-out” movies as Frankenstein (1931), Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein (1973, one part, anyway), and Species (1995), with a little E.T.: The Extraterrestrial (1982) thrown in.