Unwelcome Aliens, Bigfoot Byname, Clown Killing Clown

When you look around your house/apartment/prison cell, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? The answer, of course is, “I sure could use a vinyl banner to liven up the place.” And really, there’s no downside to covering your bland walls with vinyl — they’re stain-resistant (mostly), easily cleaned (if that’s your thing) and will last longer than you. The folks HorrorDecor.com can make your decorating dreams come true with stylish and affordable vinyl horror banners.

Designed by Burnzig, these banners come in five choices: The Human Pin Cushion, The Forever Twins, Master of Knives and The Living Doll, cleverly recasting horror movie icons as old time-y carnival sideshow attractions. (That’s what came up on my job aptitude test.)

Each banner is $40.00 and measures 24” 30”. They come with silver colored metal grommets on all corners and can be used indoors or outdoors. I wouldn’t recommend outdoors as a stink criminal might steal it to garnish his/her inevitable prison cell.

While you’re taking down those worthless family photos to make way for these banners, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not brighten your living area…

BATTLEFIELD: FALL OF THE WORLD (aka ALIEN MONSTER INVASION) / Out now (Tubi™)

“A mysterious alien civilization’s military aircraft arrives on Earth. In order to resist the alien invasion, the military forces of various countries put politics and nationalism aside and join forces. Cheng Ling, who was struggling to survive in the ruins of the apocalypse, is inspired by this spirit and resolutely accepted the task of the defense commander, forming a strategic team with other soldiers in an attempt to destroy the alien attackers.”

I say let the aliens take over and leave them to clean up this toilet of a planet.

TAHOE JOE / Out now (Wicked Horror TV™)

“In 2022, filmmaker Dillon Brown set out with Green Beret and wilderness survival expert, Michael Rock, to document an attempt to find a missing person. What they found instead was a horror thought to be a myth.”

Tahoe Joe is another nickname for Bigfoot. Sounds like Vegas poker player’s name or that pension drunk with three teeth who sits at the end of the bar at the Tug Tavern and talks to himself.

THE LEGEND OF THE DARK CLOWN / Out now (Amazon Prime Video™)

“Jitters is a recent graduate with high hopes to one day be a birthday clown who entertains kids. When he cannot afford to pay back his student loans from clown college, he takes the only job available to a young inexperienced clown. He embarks on a life of crime when joins the Killer Clown Mafia. It’s blood in and blood out so once he kills for his crew, he has no way to leave without being murdered himself. He makes the decision to take out every evil clown in the entire city and goes on a massive killing spree in hopes to be free to become what he always wanted – a clown who entertains kids. In his desire to live his dream, he creates a nightmare and becomes a legend. He is an evil clown that kills other evil clowns.”

An evil clown that kills other evil clowns. So what happens after Jitters permanently deletes the entire evil clown population — sillycide? 

THE TOMORROW JOB / Release pending 2023 (Theaters/VOD)

“A team of thieves use a time-travel drug to trade places with their future selves to execute the ultimate heist. When interrupted on a job the team must fix their past mistakes to prevent disastrous consequences. A dynamic mix of genres, The Tomorrow Job is a high-stakes sci-fi action-adventure epic with heart, humor, and fun, and an ode to beloved heist comedies of the past.”

Time travel drugs have been around for a long time — just ask a hippie.

Dirty Laundry Monster

In the small, unwashed Texas town of Sublime, a horrible secret exists. Hunters are being viciously attacked by a mythical Wild Man of Navidad, their guts strewn about like Texas litter.

Locals with intact guts form a hunting party, or “Texas Prom Dance.” They chase down W. Man Nav, shoot him in harmful areas, hang the bullet-ridden corpse up in the middle of town like a Texan piñata. Even in broad daylight no one can figure out what he/it is. But he/it has big tusks. Maybe it’s a land walrus. I’m fresh outta ideas here.

In summation, The Wild Man of Navidad’s (2008) starring creature grunts like a razorback, damages stuff, runs through the bushes, eats skinned animals (because fur tends to get caught on his tooths), and disembowels red necks, tossing entrails around as if in a spaghetti throwing competition.

This stuff is OK. This isn’t: Wildy is dressed in what looks to be piles of dirty laundry. No big hairy creature that smells like freshness-expired skunk, just an overturned laundry basket as a fright fashion statement. The hick locals they cast as extras were far more frightening. (Don’t people in Texas ever brush their tusks?)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m taking my dirty laundry down to the river and shooting it.

Metric Tons of Godzilla Fun

Godzilla seems to stomp all over the news these days, what with Godzilla II being renamed to Godzilla: King of the Monsters, then being moved to May 31, 2019. Then there’s Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle, the sequel to the 2017 hit anime Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, just released in Japan on May 18, 2018. (Rumors had the follow-up as being named as Godzilla: Planet Eater, which I totally heart.)

Then Toho, Godzilla’s legal guardians, have scrapped plans for Shin Godzilla 2 in favor of expanding the Godzilla Cinematic Universe after 2020. Then there’s the Godzilla vs. Kong, also set for 2010. Why, it’s enough to ’Zilla to make you go silla!

Here’s the official plot (if not art, which is clearly fan made) of Godzilla: King of the Monsters: “The new story follows the heroic efforts of the crypto-zoological agency Monarch as its members face off against a battery of god-sized monsters, including the mighty Godzilla, who collides with Mothra, Rodan, and his ultimate nemesis, the three-headed King Ghidorah. When these ancient super-species — thought to be mere myths — rise again, they all vie for supremacy, leaving humanity’s very existence hanging in the balance.”

Humanity sucks. I hope the monsters win.

And if all that wasn’t drool-inducing, here are some renditions of MechaGodzilla from Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle…

Unsteady as to be unsure about the release of Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle here in America, USA on Netflix™. But just dry your tears as it’s coming. It better be, because I’m all out of Kleenex™.

Kill Count, Real Bigfoot, Undead Wives

If you’re like me and prefer TV over reading, then you missed Death Count: All of the Deaths in the Friday the 13th Film Series illustrated book, which came out October 20, 2017 from Two Things Press. But fear not — now you can get it for $9.99 on Kindle™, which is kinda like a TV version of a book.

At 124 e-pages, author Stacie Ponder goes into groovy gruesome visuals/stats on all who fell before Jason Voorhees’ pretty hate machine. And just how many tasted the pain? You wouldn’t have a reason to watch the book if I told you. But here’s the press release to convince you to wallet up: “With humor, love, and a lot of cartoon violence, Death Count celebrates the victims, survivors, killers, and other random characters encountered in the long-running Friday the 13th film series.”

You might recall a similar concept done in poster form back in 2011 by Andrew Barr of Canada’s National Post and illustrated by Mike Faille. But Sir Voorhees has since added to the terror tally, so Death Count might be the way to fulfill your splatter-y needs.

While I get over my aversion to books (oddly, posters don’t bother me), here are a few now available and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not make you download in your pants…

BIGFOOT ENCOUNTERS (available now)
“Many believe Bigfoot does not exist. But for those who have seen the creature face to face, there is no question.”

Never been a question for me as to Bigfoot’s existence. I see him face to face every day in the bathroom mirror when I thoroughly brush my teeth. (Bigfoot could use a Rudy’s Barbershop™ shave and a trim. Just sayin’.)

AVENGERS GRIMM: TIME WARS (available now)
“Unhappy being ruler of the Underworld, Rumpelstiltskin frees himself and plans to take over Earth. As the Avengers Grimm fight to stop him, they discover it’s not where he is hiding, but when, forcing our heroes to fight through the ages.”

This one has legendary kick-pants ladies, like Red Riding Hood (the color matches her season), Sleeping Beauty (I hear she snores like someone raking gravel), Snow White (she likes chili — heh!), and Alice of Wonderland fame. (Go asker her when she’s 10-feet tall. Tell me you got that hippie music reference.) So there’s four reasons to watch the movie, even though it rides the cape of that other group of Avengers. You know, the ones who hold iron-gripped dominion over the box office.

BETWEEN WORLDS (2018)
“Joe, a down-on-his-luck truck driver, is haunted by the memory of his deceased wife and child. He meets Julie, a spiritually gifted woman who enlists Joe in a desperate effort to find the lost soul of her comatose daughter, Billie. But the spirit of Joe’s dead wife Mary proves stronger, possessing the young woman’s body and determined to settle her unfinished business with the living.”

No wonder Joe’s down on his luck— his wife comes back from the dead to nag him to death.

AUTOMATA (pending crowdfunding)
“Antique expert Brendan Cole is sent to authenticate a 300 year-old clockwork doll with a notorious history, known as ‘The Infernal Princess.’ In the remote Scottish mansion where it has been discovered, Brendan soon finds himself the victim of the automaton’s legendary curse.”

Aha! So that’s who Annabelle’s grandma is!

Bigtime Bigfoot, Erotic Horror, Giant Worms

It’s official — Bigfoot has finally made the big time. (Just kidding — BF’s always been the king.) I’m talking, though about the latest Sasquatch movie, called Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn, which makes its debut on Fathom Events’ one-night-only premier on the big screen on Tuesday, February 27, 2018. It must be a good movie for it have this kind of coming out party.

Here’s what goes down: “Lost deep in the forest of the Pacific Northwest, Ashley and Max Carr are stalked by a terrifying creature that might be Bigfoot. Soon they find themselves embroiled in a strange land of Native American myth and legend turned real. Hopelessly trying to survive, with a handful of unsavory locals, they must fight back against this monster in a desperate battle of life or death.”

Sounds cool. I hope Bigfoot turns ‘em all into outdoor oatmeal. Yeah, going to the movies has gotten really expensive over the last year. (Nearly $10 for a large popcorn? Gimme a break.) But hey, Bigfoot on a screen the size of a side of a house. Come to think of it, Bigfoot is the size of a side of a house as well. So I’m thinkin’ win/win.

If Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn isn’t playing near wherever you’re munching on a lot less expensive store-bought popcorn, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not deserve a shot at the big screen — unless you have a 60-inch TV. In which case, go about your business…

COMPULSION (March 6, 2018)
“Sadie, a budding erotic novelist, is enticed by an ex-lover to join him and an enigmatic woman named Francesca at an Italian Villa. Once there, Sadie is confronted by the demons of her past as she becomes embroiled in a surreal game of murder and betrayal.”

Possible warning: There may be naked nudity in this one. Whenever the word “erotic” is used to describe a movie, you know pants are coming off. Speaking of, time for me to go take an erotic shower.

CHILDREN OF THE CORN: RUNAWAY (March 13, 2018)
“A young pregnant woman named Ruth who escapes a murderous child cult in a small Midwestern town. She then spends the next decade living anonymously in an attempt to spare her son the horrors that she experienced as a child. She lands in the small Oklahoma town…but something is following her. Now, she must confront this evil or lose her child.”

This is the 10th (!) installment of the Corn-y Children, which began its unlikely run in 1984. That another one is coming out makes about as much sense as all those Amityville Horror movie sequels (20+ —yeesh!). Was never a fan, though. I do like corn, however.

A QUIET PLACE (April 6, 2018)
“A family lives an isolated existence in utter silence, for fear of an unknown threat that follows and attacks at any sound.”

The trailer for this one is crazy cool. The family soundproofed their lives so they don’t call down whatever evil icky thing wants to deathify ‘em, going so far as to learn sign language to communicate. But what happens after a nice quiet dinner eating healthy steamed broccoli and someone farts? I’ve heard of passing gas as being “silent but deadly,” but this time it’s for real.

TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL (2018)
“The sequel finds Burt Gummer and his son Travis at a remote research station, where they must go up against Graboids that have been converted into living weapons.”

The 6th installment of the people-eating underground giant worm creatures. These “Graboids” can hear you tromping around topside, hone in your dinner bell and swish — nothin’ but neck. Hey, maybe Graboids are the monsters in The Quiet Place. Food for thought. Heh.

Cash For Monsters, Paranormal TV, Legal Killers

Here’s a slick piece of marketing — Capcom™, maker of video games — has created a promotion around Monster Hunter: World, which has already sold over 5 million copies. Teaming with The Centre of Fortean Zoology founder Jonathan Downes, Capcom™ is offering £50,000 ($70,000 USD) “to anyone who can provide conclusive evidence of one of 10 real-life monsters”.

Fellas, get out your checkbook — of the 10 monsters, I have proof of 11. (I put Bigfoot on there twice, because he’s twice as cool as any other cryptid.) If you wanna get in on this paranormal payday action, here’s the list of Capcom’s™ Most Wanted…

• Bigfoot

• The Loch Ness Monster

• Mongolian Death Worm

• Mermaid

• Earth Hound

• The Yeti/Almasty

• Chupacabra

• The Flying Snake of Namibia

• Yowie

• Cornish Owlman

In their press release, Capcom™ says before they cough up the coin, you must provide proof of one of these monsters by June 20, 2018 in order to clock some dollaz. (After receiving the evidence, Downes and his team will analyze it, and any hunter who provides definite proof will be awarded the prize, with multiple winners splitting the pot.)

Just so you know, I’m not splitting my winnings with anyone. My bar tab ain’t gonna pay for itself. (Hint: In bars is where I found most of the monsters. But look in Taco Bell™ restroom toilets for Mongolian Death Worms.)

While you get an expedition together, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth hunting down…

RED EYE (February 9, 2018)
“Gage Barker, a young man who grew up on the tales of Red Eye as a kid, learns that there could be some truth behind these folk tales. This myth covers a violent, deranged masked murderer, who dwells in the backwoods of Black Creek, West Virginia. With a group of his friends and his camera equipment in tow, they hike into the woods to seek him out or to prove that he is nothing more than a myth.”

Violent deranged masked murderer. Four words that go together as seamlessly as “super fun happy slide.” As for the friends going into the woods to look for Red Eye (he has a conjunctivitis prone sister — Pink Eye), I call dibs on anything cool you might own.

UNSANE (March 23, 2018)
“A young woman is involuntarily committed to a mental institution. She is then confronted by her greatest fear…but is it real or is it a product of her delusion?”

Word around the produce aisle is that this movie was shot entirely on an iPhone™. Pfffft — anyone can do that because everybody in the freaking grocery store has an iPhone™. Want to really make an impression? Trying filming a horror movie using only two empty cans of Del Monte™ Creamed Corn™ tethered by a long piece of wax string. All bars in all places.

THE FIRST PURGE (July 4, 2018)
“Behind every tradition lies a revolution. Next Independence Day, witness the rise of our country’s 12 hours of annual lawlessness. Welcome to the movement that began as a simple experiment: The First Purge. To push the crime rate below one percent for the rest of the year, the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) test a sociological theory that vents aggression for one night in one isolated community. But when the violence of oppressors meets the rage of the marginalized, the contagion will explode from the trial-city borders and spread across the nation.”

Thanks to the current political climate, this prequel makes perfect sense. But they’re overlooking the irony; the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) are the ones creating the public’s aggressive behavior. Why else would the clearly Republican paperboy flip me off every day? (Okay, I may have started it. But he should be the bigger person here, the punk.)

OUR HOUSE (2018)
“A young genius accidentally invents a device that amplifies the paranormal activity within his family’s house, possibly bringing back the spirits of loved ones, and unleashing things far worse.”

Uh, no — the “young genius” didn’t invent a paranormal activating amplification device. It’s already been around for multiple decades — and it’s called a “TV”. While mine doesn’t bring back spirits of dead people, if you get the expanded programming package, you can unleash all kinds of things, far worse and beyond.

13 Fridays, Raiding Tombs, Killer Mom

Behold, the new key art poster for Channel Zero: No End House. I hear tell they’re gonna use the Brian Russell tale on Creepypasta.com, where they got the entire 6-episode plot for Channel Zero: Candle Cove (2016).

If you haven’t seen it, you might wanna watch it and fill your pants with creepy pasta (home of the Slenderman legend). It’s some of the spookiest TV on television. Okay, that was a bit redundant. So what — I drink.

While we’re waiting for Channel Zero: No End House to debut on the SyFy Channel™ on September 20, 2017, here are a few horror, sci-fi and fantasy adventure movies to get your pasta pot boiling….

THE 13th FRIDAY (October 7, 2017)
“When a female refugee discovers an ancient demonic device that opens the gateway to another realm, she unleashes a dark entity that poses as her daughter. After many failed attempts to have the church explain the creation of her worst nightmares, she learns that the house is cursed by an enraged spirit that died on Friday the 13th. And now a group of thrill seeking friends unknowingly unleash its wrath and damn their souls.”

Clever — take the iconic branding of Friday the 13th, swap the letters around just a bit, and then ride the coattails of a successful franchise with a weak plot/script. I should try that with my bar tab.

NIGHTMARE CINEMA (2017)
“This anthology centers on a series of down-on-their-luck individuals who enter the decrepit and spine-chilling Rialto Theater, only to have their deepest and darkest fears brought to life on the silver screen by The Projectionist – a mysterious, ghostly figure who holds the nightmarish futures of all who attend his screenings. By the time our patrons realize the truth, escape is no longer an option.”

Borrows heavily from the Italian gore fest Demons (1985), in which move-goers are trapped in a theater during a screening of a violent horror movie, unbeknown that they themselves are about to become infected demon gore zombies that shred each other into half-chewed Twizzlers™. Once again, life imitates art.

TOMB RAIDER (March 16, 2018)
“Lara Croft is the fiercely independent daughter of an eccentric adventurer who vanished years earlier. Hoping to solve the mystery of her father’s disappearance, Croft embarks on a perilous journey to his last-known destination — a fabled tomb on a mythical island that might be somewhere off the coast of Japan. The stakes couldn’t be higher as Lara must rely on her sharp mind, blind faith and stubborn spirit to venture into the unknown.”

This reboot is already getting taken to task on the Internet for the poor Photoshopping of Alicia Vikander (Lara Croft) in the key art. It looks like she has a horse neck. Maybe she works out a lot and has hulk bulked her lateral flexion.

APPLECART (2017/2018)
“A caring mother loses her sanity, setting off a chain of events resulting in tragedy and murder. The story of Casey Pollack unfolds from two very different perspectives when one night in the woods culminates in absolute terror.”

Only one thing that can set off a caring mother, turning her into a murderer — stretching Saran Wrap™ over the toilet seat, then lowering the lid. When mom has to tinkle, stand back and wait for the fun/murder. That may or may not have happened to me during my prankster years (grade 4 through 12).

Horror Clowns, Black Superheroes, Meaty Godzilla

Every month they change the fresh sheet at JaK’s my fav steakhouse of all time and space. (My accountant looked at my receipts and asked if I owned stock in the place. By now I should.)

June’s fresh sheet came out and right there in print was the…Rib-Eye Godzilla. This is no joke — and get this, it comes with a side order of screaming citizens! (Okay, that part was a joke.) Wonder if it comes with an order of Tokyo? Regardless, you now know what I’ll be eating for the next 30 days,

Speaking of tasty, here’s some upcoming horror and sci-fi that may or may not satisfy your city-crushing hunger…

BEHIND THE SIGHTINGS (October 2017)
“Based on over 112 hours of footage recovered from the personal belongings of aspiring filmmakers Todd and Jessica Smith. The husband and wife filmmaking duo were investigating the 2016 creepy clown sighting epidemic. The first clown sightings occurred in August 2016 in Greenville, South Carolina. Authorities were alerted to reports by neighborhood kids stating that creepy clowns were appearing in the woods near an apartment complex. The clown sightings spread to all 50 states and across Europe. Todd and Jessica were attempting to track down clown sighting witnesses and the clowns involved in a rash of creepy clown sightings that plagued an eastern North Carolina community.”

A little late on the clown sighting social phenomenon, which I though was a clever promo for the new It (2017) movie. The funny part here is that people who took part in the clown sightings were in fact already clown themselves. Think this goes in the “already seen it” file, which is right next to the “stupid dumbasses” folder.

MIDNIGHTERS (2017/2018)
“Midnight, New Year’s Eve: when all the hopes of new beginnings come to life — except for Lindsey and Jeff Pittman, whose strained marriage faces the ultimate test after they cover up a terrible crime and find themselves entangled in a Hitchcockian web of deceit and madness.”

Hitchcockian web? Hitchcock was a spider? Now his movies all of a sudden make sense.

BLACK PANTHER (February 16, 2018)
“Black Panther springs into action when an old enemy threatens the fate of his nation and the world.”

Marvel’s Black Panther was a hugely welcome debut in Captain America: Civil War (2016). That cat had some sleek moves. So it’s with some sort of glee I’m looking forward to an entire movie devoted to his sleek moves. Of course, African-American superheroes have been around for some time, but not nearly as much as their counterparts. For a recent example watch Luke Cage (Netflix). He also hooked up with Jessica Jones in her TV series. Lucky guy. Off the top ‘o my noggin is Hancock (Will Smith) Storm (Halle Berry) Spawn (1977) and yep, I’ll through in Asgard’s Heimdall (Idris Elba). But if you wanna go really obscure, try The First Black Superman, released back in 1977 when hippies ran free and personal hygiene was dubious at best. Fun watching how your parents acted when they were young and stupid.

ANGEL (pending crowd-funding)
When a brutal massacre plagued the isolated and peaceful town of Raven Rock in 1986, the remaining residents fled, leaving the once tranquil community behind. For thirty years the town has been chained and walled off from the outside world while deteriorating and crumbling. However not all has been quiet as disappearances have been attributed to the supposedly haunted town. Now a headstrong journalist and her team venture to Raven Rock to investigate the town, its history, and the missing persons. What they will discover is sometimes the truth is more disturbing than myth and Raven Rock is still being occupied.”

Sounds like a direct lift of 2006’s Silent Hill. That one had really cool weirdo monsters in the abandoned town. Ghosts, too. You’d think that be a tourist attraction instead of, say, a Ferris Wheel run amok. And don’t get me started on that possessed Tilt-a-Whirl, the only amusement park ride that makes you pay to reverse vomit.

Red Billabong: Fair Dinkham Horror

Red Billabong is an upcoming Australian creature feature horror movie. But the title doesn’t reflect the monster’s name, but rather a pond formed when its water source gets all attitude-y and changes its life direction, cutting itself off from the rest flow. In the States we call that a “tide pool.” Billabong™ is also a popular sports wear fashion company.

So what does a stagnant pond and overpriced yet surprisingly stain-resistant cargo shorts have to do with a mythical creature? Hopefully, nothing. Unless the monster lives in the pond and wears a swimsuit that comes in a colorful array of expensive styles.

Here’s what lies Down Under: “Two estranged brothers and their friends are pulled into a world of mystery and lies when their grandfather’s property is passed into their hands. As both brothers are pulled apart by different choices, one thing is clear – something sinister is going on. As people go missing the brothers learn secrets that will change their life forever – but what is out there? A myth? A hoax? Or could it really be…real?”

I’m hoping it’s real, because I’m all about being legit.

Since we’re on the topic, there have been notable Australian creature horror movies prior featuring zombie farm animals (Black Sheep/2006), super-sized crocodiles (Rogue/2007), giant human-eating pigs (Razorback/1984), all of nature’s creatures plus a dugong, which is a fat ass sea cow (The Long Weekend/1978 & 2008), and Waterborne (2015), starring a “zombieroo,” the world’s first zombie kangaroo. (They should call it The Hopping Dead. I’m probably the only one who thinks that’s funny.)

Note to selves: As of this word-barfing Waterborne is a film short designed to attract crowd-funding for a future full-length feature.

Red Billabong is supposed to come out sometime in 2015. Regardless of what the creature turns out to be, I can hardly for the sequel: Plaid Billabong.

Prairie Werewolf

 

There’s something stalking the vast plains and valleys of Brada County and it’s not scaring the crap outta cows. That’s because the cows are too scared to go out in the fields and make valley patties.

This is the framework for Prairie Dog (2015), which has been in the release loop for some time now. Throw in some kids, a lone sheriff, a pair of sociopath criminals on the run and a mysterious beast, and you have an intriguing horror movie. At least I hope it is; the trailers are boring as cows. Nevertheless, reports keep surfacing of a large, shadowed animal roaming the farmlands of the county.

Prairie Dog is no doubt influenced by the REAL Beast of Exmoor and Dartmoor. And just in case you don’t know where Dartmoor is, it’s in South Devon in England.

Some think the B of D is a large black cat (i.e., lion/cheetah/jaguar/werewolf), which is f’d up as animals such as this aren’t supposed to be in that part of the world. But then, according to Wikipedia, Dartmoor is known for its “myths and legends and is reputedly the haunt of pixies, a headless horseman, a mysterious pack of “spectral hounds,” and a large black dog, among others.”

And all this time I thought England was as boring as cows.