Archive for cult

Religious Fireballs

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Believers

In Believers (2007), YET ANOTHER cult wants to save your soul and take you to the other side of the galaxy where your unconditional faith will be rewarded with immortality. And to purify your soul, you must first enter the Gas Chamber of Salvation and divest yourself of all your earthly belongings: your KISS™ t-shirt and your life (which for SOME of us is the same thing).

Believers

The cult, lead by an older scientist-y looking fart, has convinced two dozen people he cracked the code, the one that proves God’s existence. (And here all this time we were worshiping the Bible instead of a math book. I am SO going to Hell.) It is further explained that everyone left behind will suffer total destruction via fire from the sky. (Whoever is planning on lighting candles and tossing ’em off your roof — not funny.)

Believers

Two paramedics are taken hostage by cult members. Locked in the Reflection Room (dirty bathroom stall with no toilet paper), their choices are to become one of the Believers and be saved from the fireballs, or be forced to take a death pill that also doubles as a breath mint.

Believers

One chooses poison, probably because it tastes better than gas chamber vapors. Everyone is locked into a room and the gas turned on. The medic pulls himself free from his cult handcuffs and force vomits the pill. Whew! Too late to rescue his buddy, though.

Believers

Jump ahead a month and the little girl lives with him and his wife in their sunny home and… Hmmm, the sky seems extra brighter today. Must be all those fireballs.

Alien Walkie-Talkie, Alaskan Ghosts, Chick Werewolf

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

UFO Journals

“If these are intelligent beings from outer space, they couldn’t be too intelligent if they’re visiting the planet Earth.”

Truer words were never spoken. This statement comes from the 1978 documentary, UFO Journals, which is (and this is gonna sound oxymoronic), one of the more weird and wackified treatments of the flying saucer phenomenon.

It starts with some narrator yappin’ bible verses, then goes into a bunch of stock footage of NASA rockets, then — and these are my two favorite parts — a guy with impeccably blow-dried and styled hair going into an eye-rolling trance and channeling communications from an alien in a different solar system. And he does it with a cartoon-y robotic voice. Then there’s a New Age spiritual guide who whips out a harmonica and a shot glass and entertains us with his skills while we contemplate WTF it is we’re watching. This is on Amazon Prime™ in case you need more wackified fulfillment about UFOs in your robotic, restricted-to-Earth life.

And speaking of things to enlighten you, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies/TV shows to channel on your channel…

Three Tears on Bloodstained Flesh

THREE TEARS ON BLOODSTAINED FLESH (August 8, 2017/DVD)
“A man with a dark past returns to bury his niece Lexie. Dragging his troubled daughter Kendall, he simultaneously reunites with his estranged sister, Stella and reignites a past rivalry with the corrupt town sheriff. Dominic begins digging around the town, and uncovers the town’s dark secrets, which include a mysterious cult, a supernatural curse, a masked killer, and a very high body count.”

Reunite and reignite. Maybe the masked killer is a pyromaniac. Wondering what the supernatural curse could be? Maybe it’s because the guy buried his niece before she quit breathing the town’s dark secret air.

Red Christmas

RED CHRISTMAS (October 17, 2017/Limited/VOD)
“The stressed-out mother of a squabbling family are gathered together in a remote Outback estate on Christmas Eve. When a mysterious, deformed young man named Cletus appears at their door, things soon change from petty insults to bloody, imaginatively orchestrated violence as she attempts to protect her family from the vengeful intruder. The film deliriously infuses comedy, dark family secrets with outlandish gore and adds the always controversial subject of abortion in its blood-stained mix.”

Wow, they actually named someone Cletus. I guess when you live in the remote Outback, you do whatever honks your didgeridoo. I like the outlandish gore part, though. It better not involve kangaroos (the locals call them “‘roos”). Those things can eat your face right off your face.

Ghost Wars

GHOST WARS (SyFy Channel/2017)
“Set in a remote Alaskan town that has been overrun by paranormal forces, the series focuses on local outcast Roman Mercer who must overcome the town’s prejudices and his own personal demons if he’s to harness his repressed psychic powers and save everyone from the mass haunting that’s threatening to destroy them all.”

While I do like the title of this series, the trailer looks very paranormal stock and doesn’t really sell one on the subject. Maybe if they added a kangaroo…

Betsy

BETSY (2018)
“After surviving a vicious assault in the city, Betsy moves to the country in hopes of starting over, but as she begins to recover, something begins clawing its way into the moonlight.”

They give it away with “clawing” and “moonlight”; Betsy is a raccoon! Man, I feel sorry for anyone who tries to pet her. Those things will eat your hand right off your hand.

Charlie’s Devils

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Satan's School For Girls

Did you know the Salem Academy for Women, a chick only boarding school, has a curriculum based on satanic principles and rituals with flimsy nightgowns? Surprised more gals aren’t applying for scholarships. This provides the framework for Satan’s School For Girls (1973), a great titled but thrill-less attempt to mix females with anti-Bible teachings.

Satan's School For Girls

Nevertheless, when Elizabeth Sayers’ sister, one of the school’s students, hung herself after being pursued by an unseen nemesis, she decides to enroll at the house of evil education herself to find out what the Hell happened. What she discovers is the school is having problems hanging (sorry) onto their students. They’ve been suiciding themselves after episodic freakouts, thereby leaving many homework assignments unfinished.

Satan's School For Girls

So what’s causing these mood swings? Girls don’t usually get all crazy emotional (or so I’ve heard). The handsome Dr. Joseph Clampett, one of the teachers, strikes meaningful poses and concerned looks when Elizabeth and her hot schoolmate/fellow clue digger upper Roberta try to Nancy Drew this mystery.

Satan's School For Girls

And this madness isn’t just affecting the ladies. One of the male teachers goons out, rants about some evil this and that, and ends up murder dead. This causes Headmistress Williams (she can be a real b-word) to go brain bonkers. Who can blame her? Bodies are turning up all over the place.

Satan's School For Girls

As Elizabeth and Roberta get closer to the truth, a saw-it-a-mile-away betrayal reveals that the entire school is participants of a satanic cult and Dr. Clampett, claiming to be the devil incarnate, is teaching the parent-less girls in the ways of non-God. He even wears a black cape with a collar so high, it looks like one of those medical cones they put on dogs. Outdated, but can still be worn to almost any ritual.

Satan's School For Girls

A face off and roaring fire, which is like a pleasant, warm foot soak to satanists, ends with one of the most face-slapping endings in made-for-TV horror. A notable side note: Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd appear in this one and later went on to become superstars in Charlie’s Angels (1976 to 1981 on ABC). That was a mighty fine way to get through puberty.

Demonic Possession, Cults and Candy

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Snare

Five more impending horror movies to distract you from life’s real horrors, i.e. Republicans

THE SNARE (January 6, 2017/VOD/Limited)
“Three friends head to the seafront for a drunken weekend, only to be imprisoned on the top floor of their holiday apartment by a malevolent paranormal force.”

They had me at “drunken weekend.” And it looks like “malevolent paranormal force” is living up to its name; if everyone’s in lock-down there’s no way to go on a beer run. Paranormal forces can be so malevolent.

We Are The Flesh

WE ARE THE FLESH (Limited theatrical/January 13, 2017)
“After the end of the world, a young brother and sister roam an apocalyptic city looking for food and shelter. They take refuge in the dilapidated lair of a strange hermit who makes them a dangerous offer to survive. He puts them to work building a bizarre cavernous structure, where he acts out his insane and depraved fantasies. Trapped in a maddening womb-like world under his malign influence, they find themselves sinking into the realms of dark and forbidden behavior.”

Is this made-in-Mexico art house horror movie (aka, Tenemos la carne (translation: We Have The Meat) about zombies? Cannibals? Republicans? WATF is said to be loaded with explicit gore and horizontal boppin’. Variety.com has this to say about it: “Sex scenes are shot with frank delight…” Thinkin’ I’ll change my name to Frank Delight.

Killer Pinata

KILLER PINATA (January 17, 2017)
“A possessed piñata, seeking to avenge the savagery that humanity has inflicted on his kind, picks off a group of friends, one by one, in an unending night of terror.”

Not sure how they’re gonna make a piñata a figurehead of evil. How anything loaded with candy and small, easily swallowable novelty toys be bad is beyond me.

Dead West

DEAD WEST (February 7, 2017)
“A charismatic outlaw sets out on a murderous cross-country trip searching for true love. Each time he thinks he has found ‘the one,’ he ends up disappointed — and she ends up dead. Managing to elude capture by traveling from one town to the next, his luck runs out when Tony, the brother of one of his victims, tracks him down. Suddenly the hunter becomes the hunted as Tony seeks vengeance by enforcing his own brand of vigilante justice.”

Yeesh, what a picky guy. For the record, there are tons of eligible ladies at the bowling alley — and they’re all wearing nice shoes.

Jackals

JACKALS (2017)
“Set in the 1980s, an estranged family hires a cult deprogrammer to take back their teenage son from a murderous cult, but find themselves under siege when the cultists surround their cabin, demanding the boy back.”

He’s a teenager. Give him to the cultists. Your lives will be the better for it.

God and Satan On A Train

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Night Train To Terror

If you’re updating your bucket list, put 1985’s Night Train to Terror on it. With its mind-juggling array of monsters, demons, rampant nudity and wincingly painful music/signing/dance choreography segments from a bunch of New Wave kids dressed in day-glo spandex and headbands making a video for MTV™, this is one of the more surreal horror movies you’ll ever see.

Night Train to Terror

It starts out almost like a bar joke set up: God and Satan are on a train, negotiating for souls, in this case three specific ones. (The train conductor addresses the Most Unholy One as Mr. Satan. Train conductors are so polite.) Elsewhere on the train (headed to Hell, by the way), the New Wave kids are rocking out, dancing gleefully and happily singing so bad, you’ll believe you’re in Hell already.

Night Train To Terror

Broken into three mini stories, Night Train to Terror wastes no time getting to the good stuff: The Case of Harry Billings involves a hypnotized guy who lures people into being graphically tortured and skulls squashed for their remaining fairly fresh organs to be marketed.

Night Train to Terror

The Case of Greta Connors follows with a guy and a gal having lights on sex before hooking up with a cult that is enamored with death and all it’s perks. This culminates with a Jimi Hendrix lookalike who gets an electric chair treatment (at a cocktail party, no less) and melts right before your eyes. Thankfully, his headband survived.

More spastic dancing and screwdiver-in-your-ear singing.

Night Train to Terror

The Case of Claire Hansen, the final segment, has a corporate ladder-climbing Devil’s apprentice, who set his job goals a little on the high side: to destroy all of humanity. He should start with the New Wave kids making all that racket in-between the stories. A group of Immortals tries to stop him. Good luck with that.

Night Train to Terror

All of this is just a capsule summation. But every story is drenched in everything from couch pillow-sized flying death bugs and claymation monsters tearing clay victims in half like they were a wishbone, to demon things, heads making like water balloons hitting concrete, open-face surgeries, flooding blood and other bodily fluids, and more importantly, comprehensive naked stuff, all of which is punctuated by mid’80s blow-dryed hair, glow-in-the-dark fashion and headbands. (I knew those things could withstand the test of time.)

Night Train to Terror

So who wins the souls, God or Satan? Not gonna spoil the soup, but those on this Highway to Hell are making specific fashion statements. Regardless — and this is clichéd as all get out — you have to see Night Train To Terror to believe it.

Cults, Co-Eds, Contamination, Cataclysm

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Satanic

Is it just my imagination or are there horror movies being made all the time? Seems like I can’t get out of bed without stepping in a wet pile of new genre flicks. Don’t these filmmakers have day jobs? Wish I could sit in a tall chair all day and yell “Cut”! through a huge megaphone. That’d be sweet.

That implied, here are four new horror flicks (as if this e-blogging) to goose up your Halloween before Christmas decorations go up the day after.

SATANIC (October 4, 2016)
Satanic follows a van full of young, college-aged coeds who are visiting old Satanic Panic-era sites in Los Angeles. They end up following the creepy owner of an occult store home, only to find themselves saving a suspicious girl from an apparent human sacrifice. Only this ‘victim’ turns out to be much more than dangerous then the cult from which she escaped.”

College-aged co-eds. Sounds like an oxymoron, with emphasis on the moron. Does this make it chick horror? Of course it does.

Antidote

ANTIDOTE (October 21, 2016)
Antidote takes place in a plague-ridden, post-apocalyptic world. Here, a man and woman face unimaginable horrors. When he suddenly becomes infected, they have to contend with the fact that the only possible cure slowly drives him mad.”

How come the future is always post-apocalyptic, plague-ridden and…oh, that’s right –Republicans.

The Curse of Doctor Wolffenstein

THE CURSE OF DOCTOR WOLFFENSTEIN (October 25, 2016)
“80 years ago, the diabolical Dr. Victor Wolffenstein wanted nothing more than to be immortal. His tireless quest led him to create a vaccine that did just that, but also infected his body with a flesh-rotting form of necrosis. As the doctor’s limbs literally fell apart, he tried to replace them by using the crudely removed arms and legs of the local villagers who, in order to stop Wolffenstein’s reign of terror, captured him and buried him alive for his crimes.”

There’s more, including five present day teens who f’up and resurrect Wolffy who gets his mutilation on. I have zero pity for them. This one promises to be “the ultimate experience in violence and gore.” If you’re gonna go around calling yourself Wolffenstein, I’d expect nothing less. That, or start a metal band.

Terrortory

TERRORTORY (October 31, 2016)
Terrortory is an anthology horror film in the vein of Creepshow and Tales From The Crypt. It features six horrific tales set in the mythical region of Maryland known for an abundance of strange happenstances and urban legends.”

Watch this one free on Amazon Prime™ October 1, 2016 – October 31, 2016. And as for Maryland being known for “an abundance of strange happenstances and urban legends,” clearly they haven’t been to the Poggie Tavern™ during last call.

The Horror of Mondays

Posted in Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 8, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Monday at 11:01AM

Monday at 11:01AM is an odd title for a… Um, I don’t know what it is. Horror, sci-fi, porn with clothes on? But the press release says it’s a suspense thriller. I don’t know what that means. That’s probably to make it sound more like a “film”  instead of a “movie.” Whatever the case, it has an intriguing movie poster as well as a plot…

Monday at 11:01AM

“Michael and Jenny, a happy couple, are out for a blissful weekend in a picturesque resort town. While Jenny shops in a local boutique, Michael stops off at the local watering hole, where he meets a friendly bartender (Lance Henriksen) and a sexy temptress (Briana Evigan).

Monday at 11:01AM

Michael declines her overtures, but even stranger events take place in a local hotel – such as ghostly happenings in Suite 327, the sounds of violent lovemaking that only Michael can hear; and a cult of Druid worshipers who suddenly emerge from the local forest and chase after Michael. Doing the smart thing, Michael and Jenny head out of town – only to discover that their only escape route, a mountain tunnel, is blocked by the Highway Patrol.”

Monday at 11:01AM

Monday at 11:01AM appears to borrow heavily from The Shining (1980). For instance, Suite 327. The spook room in The Shining’s Overlook Hotel was Room 237. All Monday did was switch the numbers around. And Lance is spot on as the “Llyod-esque” bartender. And in the trailer, Michael is seen slowly unraveling like a discount sweater and eventually ending up dragging a bloody axe across what appears to be clean floors.

So when does Monday at 11:01AM get released? My best guess is Monday. At 11:01. AM. Heh.