Archive for UFOs

UFO Anniversary

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

UFOs

It was 70 years ago to this minute/day/month that (probably near-sighted) business man/amateur light plane pilot Kenneth Arnorld witnessed what he surmised to be nine flying discs (later deemed “flying saucers” by a newspaper reporter, NOT Kenneth himself), zipping around the snow-cover Mount Rainier in Washington State back on June 24, 1947. This gave birth to UFOs and countless sci-fi movies, documentaries, books/rubber novelty widgets — some true, some false — about the “alien” aircraft. He should’ve copyrighted this stuff; he’d have died rich in 1984 rather than just dying regularly.

What my exhaustive research tells me (my finger is so sore from clicking around the Internet), Mr. Arnold did NOT see flying saucers, but rather happened across the Yeti Annual Shiny Hubcap Hucking Competition held every June on Mount Rainier. (For the record, Rainier is infested with the surprisingly competitive Yeti. Don’t bother double-checking; I already did it for you. You’re welcome.)

Kenneth Arnold

But that doesn’t mean UFOs are fake. Quite the contrary; it means that we can rule out that particular event as an extrapolated mistaken identity. All other UFOs are real, though. Even the well-polished ones.

So, Happy Birthday Flying Saucers/Shiny Hubcaps — keep ’em flying.

Satan Whisperer, Serial Killer Swimming Lessons, Crime Ducks

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Devil's Whisper

Really sucks that YouTube™ makes you pay to remove commercials before and during important and TRUE video footage of UFOs (or “flying saucers.”) And to make matters worse, they cram in as many commercials as they can. So now you have to pay to NOT watch commercials. This is the kind of jerk future that was not foretold in Dune (1984). That future, with giant sand worms, looks cool. This future just outright sucks a**.

Speaking of sucking a**, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not do that particular thing and will hopefully not have commercials…

DEVIL’S WHISPER (June 10, 2017)
“Inspired by true events, a 15 year-old aspires to be a Catholic priest. When he discovers a mysterious box passed down from his grandparents, he unwittingly unleashes a demonic spirit bent on possessing him — and must find a way to defeat the demon, which has been tormenting children since the dawn of man, before it destroys him and everyone he loves.”

Sounds like Pennywise and/or Freddy Krueger, but with more Hell stuff. It’s not my bag, but anyone who aspires to be a Catholic priest obviously wants to do good in this world. But by becoming one, the occupational hazard is that demons are gonna be your worst clients.

Death Pool

DEATH POOL (June 20, 2017)
“After nearly drowning at the hands of his babysitter, a troubled young man grows up to become a serial killer with a compulsion to drown young beautiful women. Based on true events, this conniving killer becomes a cultural phenomenon, known throughout the streets of Los Angeles.”

A reverse lifeguard giving hot chicks lessons on how not to swim. Could be worse — the killer could be a duck.

The Quacky Slasher

THE QUACKY SLASHER (2017)
“The Quacky Slasher is Michael Quackers, a man traumatized by events from his childhood, takes on the persona of a vigilante duck, to strike fear into the criminal underbelly of his home town”

A vigilante duck? And just when you think you’ve seen everything. Of course, if you’ve seen Howard The Duck (1986), this one won’t be all it’s quacked up to be.

The Nightmare Gallery

THE NIGHTMARE GALLERY (pending crowd-funding)
Dr. Samantha Rand is an anthropology professor whose life is turned upside-down by the sudden, suspicious disappearance of her star pupil. But when a package of paranormal artifacts arrives on Rand’s doorstep three years later, she embarks on a nightmarish journey into mystery that will shake her and her wife to their cores. Through a terrifying, Lynchian lens, the film follows Professor Rand’s horrifying loss of self in pursuit of an extra-dimensional truth that could doom the world.”

I thought the world was already doomed. And what of this “paranormal package”? Was it delivered by Amazon™? If so, that means it was left upside down on your doorstep, your signature forged and the contents therein packaged like carton-less eggs?

Global Sharks, Canadian Sharks, God’s Whoopee Cushion

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Drifter

Been sitting on the sidelines, listening (well, reading, actually) superhero fan boys complain their acne-terrained faces off over the new Spider-Man costume upgrades, implemented by Tony Stark/Iron Man for Spider-Man: Homecoming (July 7, 2017). The new suit has a built in computer chip that allows Spider-Man to glide like a flying squirrel, a parachute (for when the flying squirrel feature doesn’t fully deploy), collapsible (yet form-fitting) fabric, an on-board computer (ala, Iron Man), and new and improved web stuff that shoots out of his hands. (Let’s hope that’s all that shoots out of Spider-Man.)

Not sure why all the bellyaching; after countless comics and five movies with two different Spider-Guys — all using the same suit — these upgrades are not only downright awesome (I would like one, please), it’s about flippin’ time, and brings Spider-Man — a Marvel Universe linchpin — in line with all the rest of the superheroes that’ve been brilliantly contemporized (looking in your direction, Batman) for the sake of our movie bit coins. So I say to the complainers — shut up twice.

Speaking of things needing an upgrade, here are a few horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not need technological assistance…or a scientifically accessorized Whoopee Cushion™.

THE DRIFTER (June 6, 2017)
“A uniquely troubled man finds himself on a downward spiral induced by painful memories of his dark and distant past. Taking refuge from his long days and nights of driving aimlessly on the open highway, he stops off in a small town, where he happens to cross paths with an old acquaintance. This acquaintance becomes dangerously intrigued and determined to discover the skeletons hiding in the drifter’s past.”

A troubled man caught in a shame spiral. Sounds like a lot of bar stool people I know. Not me; I mock shame. So is The Drifter a slasher movie? A serial killer movie? (Same difference.) A plot-weary drama trying to dress itself as a horror movie? Goin’ with that one.

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming

SHARKNADO 5: GLOBAL SWARMING (August 6, 2017)
“The mission gets personal for Fin Shepard and his bionic wife, April when their young son gets trapped in a traveling ‘nado and transported all over the world. From London to Rio, Tokyo, Rome and Amsterdam, the heroes seek assistance from royals, scholars, Olympians and news talking heads in their epic battle.”

Sharknado has officially become the bad karaoke night of “sci-fi” movies. So sharks, now the new zombie virus, are taking over the planet. And April is a bionic wife? Does that mean she nags in digital? About the only thing I do like is the kicker line: Global Swarming. That made beer shoot out my nose — and I wasn’t even drinking one when I read it.

Fighting The Sky

FIGHTING THE SKY (2017/2018)
“A group of young ufologists explore a series of apocalyptic sounds emerging from the sky. For years, all around the world, people have heard and recorded a thundering sound that emits from the sky without any origin or explanation. Even the scientists are stumped, folks, and the strange part is the media is ignoring it.”

Fighting the Sky’s premise was taken from all those YouTube™ videos of people recording unseen source apocalyptic sounds coming from the sky. It’s as if God was the world’s noisiest neighbor. Most have been proven to be fake. (Probably made with two turntables and a microphone — and a really big Whoopee Cushion™, which is right up there with the invention of the wheel in terms of civilization advancements.)

Moose Jaws

MOOSE JAWS (pending crowd-funding)
Combining a shark with a moose? Why didn’t I think of that? This one’s being made by genius wise-guy Kevin Smith, who looks to complete his “True North Trilogy,” which began with Tusk (2014) and followed up with Yoga Hosers (2016). Smith has said that the walrus/human hybrid from Tusk will appear in the film, as will the two main characters from Yoga Hosers. I just felt a pee shiver of anticipation.

Kevin’s official statement: “I love Jaws, I love Canada, and I combined the two of them. So the whole thing is beat-for-beat Jaws, up until the third act. In the third act it becomes Godzilla, Destroy All Monsters, Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan, and ends with Return of the Jedi. It’s pretty magical.”

That’s the understatement of the year. We need to give Kevin all our money right now to get this thing made.

Pools of Horror, Zombie Submarines, Misshapen Monsters

Posted in Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 31, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

12 Feet Deep

Just watched Unacknowledged (2017), that amazing documentary on the disclosure cover-up of UFOS and the technology they bring to the conspiracy dinner table. Did you know the government has known about UFOs since the late ’40s and that they won’t publicly admit it? if I was an alien, I’d be hot around the lunar collar that I went to all that trouble to come here, just to be associated with that whole “fake news” hoopla. So much for cordial relations with our space brothers.

Speaking of hoopla, here are a few new horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be fake…

12 FEET DEEP (June 20, 2017/VOD)
“Sisters Bree and Jonna get trapped beneath the fiberglass cover of an Olympic sized public pool after it closes for the holiday weekend. They find themselves at the mercy of the night janitor, Clara, who sees the trapped sisters as an opportunity to solve a few problems of her own.”

This one was originally titled The Deep End. I think a porn movie already locked up that one. The plot is just a reworking of 2010’s Frozen, wherein two guys and a gal get stuck halfway up the mountain on a ski lift that just closed for the weekend. Which begs the question — would you rather freeze to death or be trapped in a public pool that also serves as a all-inclusive toilet for the less discreet among us? Think I’d take my chances on becoming a human popsicle.

Dark Beacon

DARK BEACON (2017)
Amy Wilcock loves the married Beth Gadbsy with a fierce and tragic passion. When Beth’s distraught husband Christian dies in an emotional intervention, the now widow disappears with her daughter Maya into secret seclusion. Amy eventually tracks Beth down to a distant lighthouse only to find her broken and maddened in the midst of an alcoholic abyss. But that is not all she finds. They shockingly discover that the spirit of Beth’s spurned husband will not rest until he takes the surviving trio with him. Can Amy save them all from the spiral of madness and the crazed and hell-bent supernatural threat?”

First thought — waaaay too much plot getting in the way of a simple ghost story. For a really fun/funny (it was meant to be serious, but I didn’t interpret it as such) back-from-the-dead lighthouse/beach movie, give 1960s’ Tormented a spin. In that one a jazz musician “accidentally” kills his side trim (jazz term for “groupie”) by “letting” her fall from a lighthouse. She, of course, comes back from the dead, headless and yelling her head off, “Tom Howard killed me!” Those could be good lyrics for a snappy dance number if Tom would just roll with it.

Operation Ragnarok

OPERATION RAGNAROK (2017)
“In a town in southern Sweden, tensions between the locals and immigrants grow. Meanwhile, a submarine carrying a strange plague enters the town. The crew infects police officers out to investigate and a full-blooded outbreak begins. The town is isolated by the Swedish army, but the survivors inside, immigrants and locals alike, must band together against the infected.”

This one was originally titled Zon 261. I don’t know what a Zon is. As for the plague aboard the submarine, you sure it just isn’t a case of jock itch gone wild shared by guys stuck underwater for weeks on end with no windows to air out the place?

The Blob

THE BLOB (2018)
“When a band of miners uncover something hidden deep beneath the earth they unwittingly unleash a hideous creature beyond imagination. Now the townsfolk must fightback, before it destroys everything.”

A remake of a remake of a sequel of a cool 1958 horror movie starring a young Steve McQueen. Really glad back then they made the blob a reddish brown (and growing more red as it consumes screaming citizens). If I saw a big brown blob headed down the street, I’d totally cover my nose and reach for a case of Febreze™ because it could be that King Kong just dropped one heckuva steamer.

Shadow People, Fender Bender UFOs, Last Call Hags

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 27, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Awaken The Shadowman

Thinking about getting a painless tattoo. Up until now, the only needle I’ve felt the sting with is those annual anti-zombie virus shots I get as insurance. Nope, the canvas that is my remarkably soft skin is ink free. And yet, how cool would it be to get a tattoo of the Alien chest-burster on my back? I’d put it on my chest, but that’s what society would EXPECT. That’s a rule. I don’t do rules. Although, as a rule, I brush my teeth twice a day. So yeah, a bit hypocritical of me, but as I always say, be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.

Speaking of things that may or may not have bite, here are few more upcoming horror and sci-fi movies to sink your teeth into. Chew with your mouth closed, please. Not a rule, just common courtesy.

AWAKEN THE SHADOWMAN (July 21, 2017 (Limited); July 25, 2017 (VOD)
“After the mysterious disappearance of their mother, estranged brothers reunite and discover an unknown supernatural force.”

Is it Slenderman working on a new stand-up routine? Is it a prankster poltergeist looking to get you to involuntarily soil the sheets? (Which would be flippin’ hysterical.) Is it a half-transparent baby-sitter? Is it all of the above? I can only hope and pray by crossing my fingers really hard.

Landing Lake

LANDING LAKE (2017)
“When a technical team is sent to repair a communication station they quickly realize that something may be coming from the nearby lake that is affecting their minds. As they lose their inhibitions their most primal desires take hold. It seems that only one of the team is permitted to bond with the unseen entity and so be reborn in a new body. A terrifying game of strategy not to survive, but rather to die with the promise of life anew.”

This one’s already getting attention, but for the wrong reasons. One horror movie blog says it’s a prime candidate for the worse movie trailer of the year. Geez, don’t sugar coat it, guys. From what I was able to piece together is that a UFO crashed landed up at Crash Landing Lake (heh) a while back and no one came looking for it. I would’ve — and I’d sell it on Craigslist™ and become a billionaire. So yeah, probably alien gunk got into the lake and anyone skinny dipping in it is gonna have their cracked Liberty Bell infected by said space goo. This often ends in hilarious results.

Blue Book

BLUE BOOK (2017/History Channel)
Blue Book is a scripted UFO drama series chronicling the true top secret U.S. Air Force-sponsored investigations into UFO-related phenomena in the 1950s and ’60s, known as Project Blue Book. The series follows Dr. J. Allen Hynek, a brilliant college professor recruited by the U.S. Air Force to spearhead this clandestine operation that researched thousands of cases, many of which were never solved. Each episode will draw from the actual files, blending UFO theories with authentic historical events from one of the most mysterious eras in United States history.”

UFOs seem to be getting a bump up these days, what with the ongoing success of Ancient Aliens. So it makes sense do a spin-off series about all those TRUE stories of saucers and the unearthly pilots that fly and sometimes run ‘em into New Mexico dirt. Wonder if aliens are have to carry saucer insurance? If so, what are the rates? Hopefully Blue Book will fill in these blanks

Slumber

SLUMBER (2017)
“Alice, a rationally minded sleep doctor, is forced to abandon scientific reason and accept a family is being terrorized by a parasitic demon which has existed in every human culture since records began. Paralyzing victims as they sleep, the ‘Night Hag’ is the original Nightmare.”

Night Hag — that’s what we refer to the last call gals at The Poggie Tavern. And I wouldn’t put it past ‘em to mess with you while you’re trying to deal with hangover paralysis. FYI: keep your wallet in your front pocket.

Finnish Superheroes, Hitler Dinosaurs, Vampire Neighbors

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Rendel

Been watching the new Marvel™ TV series Iron Fist on Netflix™. There are good aspects and some so bad it causes involuntary facial flinching. Daniel Rand, introduced as a kid who lost his corporate rich mom and dad in a relaxing vacation plane wreck over the Himalayas, is rescued by invisible monks and raised for the next 15 years to be the next Iron Fist, solely designed to wipe out the evil gang, The Hand. They beat him with sticks every day to reinforce their clenched mandate.

15 years later he shows up unexpectedly in downtown New York as a shoeless street bum (with hipster beard and an iPod™), trying to reconnect with his dad’s company. (He’s an heir worth billions and yet can’t afford socks, matching or otherwise.)

All of this I can get behind except they make him say and do stupid things. (Really bad chi-generating meditation moves and stilted kung-fu reference dialogue.) Worst, they give him a lava glowing fist that, when he’s provoked by violence, lights up and he can punch criminals and/or walls right in the sheet rock. Walls pretty much deserve it because they impede proper feng shui. Stupid walls.

All in all, mildly entertaining, but a surprising misstep by Marvel™, whose only blemish on a stellar track record has been The Fantastic Four. (Note to Marvel — PLEASE quite trying to make that one work. No one gives a crap about a guy who can stretch like a rubber band and another one who looks like passed kidney stones.)

Speaking of things to pass on, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not need to be medically assisted to leave your body…

RENDEL (2017)
“A dark avenger is born when a worldwide corporation known as VALA launches an untested vaccine called Nh25 into the market by bribing, threatening, and killing every official opposing them.

Rendel unleashes his own special kind of hell against VALA, threatening to put an end the distribution of Nh25 As blood spills and the money burns, VALA recruits a group of mercenaries to do what they seemingly can’t, eliminate Rendel permanently.”

Rendel is Finland’s first superhero movie. About time they jumped on the bandwagon. Heck, I’m filming my own superhero movie as we speak: Yell Man: Neighbor Wars (pending $10 million crowd-funding.) Sounds like Rendel is a cross between Spawn (1997) and, well, me (I have a suit just like his, so you can see why people would make the connection. And by people, I mean me.) Despite a personal affront, looking forward to this one.

Living Among Us

LIVING AMONG US (2017)
“A documentary crew is sent in to interview a family of vampires whose existence has been made known to the world. But soon the crew realizes their very lives are in danger as they uncover a deadly secret and must fight for survival.”

Sounds like they took the framework of Fright Night (1985) and went to town with it. So vampires are living next door. Might be time to order some garlic polo shirts and Internet-ordered wooden stakes and go door-to-door because now I’m thinking those aren’t just a-holes living next to me, but bloodsucking a-holes.

Iron Sky: The Coming Race

IRON SKY: THE COMING RACE (February 14, 2018)
“Twenty years after the events of Iron Sky, the former Nazi Moonbase has become the last refuge of mankind. Earth was devastated by a nuclear war, but buried deep under the wasteland lies a power that could save the last of humanity — or destroy it once and for all. The truth behind the creation of mankind will be revealed when an old enemy leads our heroes on an adventure into the Hollow Earth. To save humanity they must fight the Vril, an ancient shape-shifting reptilian race and their army of dinosaurs.”

You can look but you may not find anything as crazy cool as Iron Sky (2012). And now with it’s sequel (which I e-barfed about on November 11, 2014) is within release sight. The new trailer shows a reanimated Hitler riding a T-Rex like it was a hobby horse, looking to re-take the world from the inside out. (Turns out those hollow Earthers were right. My apologies.) Consider putting Iron Sky: The Coming Race on your to-do/bucket list.

Lovecraft_Country

LOVECRAFT COUNTRY (HBO/in-production)
“After his father goes missing, Black joins up with his friend Letitia and his Uncle George to embark on a road trip across 1950s Jim Crow America to find him. This begins a struggle to survive and overcome both the racist terrors of white America and the malevolent spirits that could be ripped from a Lovecraft paperback.”

Racists and dark god entities. And how does this differ from the current political administration? You’ve already seen this — every night on the news.

Possessed Mirrors, Legacy Killers, Neighborhood UFOs

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dobaara: See Your Evil

Been on Mufon.com (Mutual UFO Network) again lately, a site that among other things documents UFO sightings in real time. Apparently, while I was watching episodes of Supergirl, iZombie, The Flash and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. last night, my neighborhood was being buzzed by no less than seven UFOS. That my neighborhood is situated along the flight path to the Sea-Tac Airport is but a mere coincidence.

UFOs cruising the hood and they didn’t have the decency to honk and wave going by? Speaking of things you may or may not to be oblivious of, here’s a few upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks (or “movies”) that may or may not require your attention…

DOBAARA: SEE YOUR EVIL (June 2, 2017)
“Natasha and Kabeer Merchant come across a strange mirror while dealing with the death of their parents.”

A haunted mirror story, this one being from Bollywood and based on Oculus (2013) to the point of copyright infringement. There have been dozens of haunted mirror movies through the ages. And they all owe their plots to The Picture of Dorian Grey (1945), the story of a cursed portrait painting. They didn’t have mirrors back in the ’40s, so people had to paint picture selfies to see what they looked like. Problem is, if you had hot dog mustard on your upper lip at the time of the painting… You can see why mirrors had to be invented.

Awakening The Zodiac

AWAKENING THE ZODIAC (June 9, 2017/VOD/Limited)
“A down-on-their-luck couple discovers a serial killer’s film reels. They decide to take the law into their own hands, risking everything for the chance at a $100,000 reward. It isn’t long until they find themselves in the killer’s lethal cross-hairs.”

This one’s based on the real-life Zodiac Killer, who back in the late ‘60s, killed a bunch of people in California and was never caught. Things might have ended differently if he tried doing his dirty deeds in Gotham City.

Violent Staar

VIOLENT STARR (2017)
“Peace in the galaxy — or whats left of it — is crumbling. The evil god-like creature, the GODMICHAEL, a giant head floating in space and his evil minions are swarming out to eliminate creatures and races that the Godmichael deems “unworthy.”

Godmichael. Sounds like a name for a Christian metal band. As for the giant floating head, been done — in 1974. What, you haven’t seen Zardoz? If you wanna see a giant floating head, start there. Or look in the mirror, you stoners — ha!

Still/Born

STILL/BORN (2017/2018)
“Mary, a new mother who lost one of her twins in childbirth. While she struggles with the loss of one of her children, she starts to suspect something sinister is after her surviving child — a supernatural entity that has chosen her child and will stop at nothing to take it from her.”

Evil follows kids around like ice cream trucks. The horror movie theme of a supernatural entity taking kids away from their parents is nothing new, though. This was the bone structure of Rosemary’s Baby (1968), The Omen franchise (1976 — 2006) and It (1990). A similar one to watch is Stephen King’s Storm of the Century (1999). It’s like they combined evil with a bad weather report. Neat!