Archive for UFOs

Horror Kids, Old UFOs, Fighting The Devil

Posted in Aliens, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Horrorible Kids

If you’re a fan of the Garbage Pail Kids cards, check out Horrorible Kids, a line of illustrated horror movie icon trading cards/stickers from Magic Marker Art. These things are so cool, you could give ‘em out as wedding gifts or just carry one or more in your wallet to replace that mug shot that is your driver’s license photo.Horrorible Kids

From the press release: “Now up for pre-order through Pingitore’s Magic Marker Art, you can grab single packs, 5-packs and 24-pack boxes, as well as a ‘Horrorible Kids’ retro collector album!”

Horrorible Kids

At $4 for a single pack and $65 for an entire box, you pretty much have no excuse not to rummage through your mom’s purse to get the credit card coinage needed to purchase these must-have cards. Mom won’t mind, especially if you give her a pack or two for Mother’s Day and/or Christmas.Horrorible Kids

Horrorible Kids cards are due to arrive July 2018, so plan on skipping rent in June. And while you’re clicking HERE to pre-order, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not make good Mother’s Day/Christmas gifts…

Roswell: 70 Years Later

ROSWELL 70 YEARS LATER (available now)
“70 years after the supposed UFO crash in Roswell, NM experts shed light on what may have happened that night in 1947.”

Not “may have happened,” it’s what DID happen. All the extraterrestrials I’ve hung out with insist one ‘em had a little too much moon juice at the Little A’Le’Inn, tried driving home drunk and crashed its saucer. The insurance company covered it up and the rest is folklore history.

Bleeding Steel

BLEEDING STEEL (July 6, 2018)
Lin is a police inspector in modern Hong Kong. While tracking down a deranged, mecha-enhanced villain, Lin discovers that a geneticist’s lost bio-chemical invention has been surgically implanted into his missing daughter. With the help of a young hacker, Lin connects the dots between the device that haunts his daughter, his enemy’s sinister army, and a strange cultural phenomenon called Bleeding Steel.”

Bleeding Steel sounds cool as a movie title, but better as a heavy metal band name. Metal bands are mecha-enhanced and drink blood, so it all fits together like some sort of album.

Gags

GAGS (2018)
“It’s been eight days since the clown first showed up in Green Bay, WI. Now, over the course of one night, four different groups of people cross paths with the clown everyone calls ‘Gags’ and his true intentions are finally revealed.”

Never understood the whole “silent scary clown on the roadside/neighborhood” craze that went on a few years ago. Seemed kinda dumb considering it was overkill — bars are still loaded with enough clowns as it is.

Luciferina

LUCIFERINA (2018)
“Nineteen-year-old nun-in-training Natalia reluctantly returns home to say goodbye to her dying father. However, when she meets up with her sister and her friends, they all decide to travel into the jungle in search of mystical plant. But what they find instead is a world of black masses, strange pregnancies, violent deaths, as well as a climactic, shocking clash with the Devil himself that will leave you speechless.”

I’ve met the Devil. She’s not such a bad guy.

Mystery Godzilla, Occult Virgins, Pet Dinosaurs

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Funko Godzilla

Funko, fast becoming my favorite pop icon toy company, just released a Godzilla “mystery” box. Also called “mystery minis”, you get to see two Godzilla toy figures — regular and flaming (as in “on fire”), and one that’s not visible. Kinda neat. It’s like opening a peanut shell and wondering if you’ll get one of those allergy-triggering legumes (a peanut is part of the bean family), or some sort of invasive larvae that’ll grow to the size of your arm and eat the peanut butter sandwich that’s hanging from the end of it.

Godzilla Earth

We already know there’s a bunch of different Godzillas: MechaGodzilla, Space Godzilla, JesusZilla (actually, he’s just the son), and those river-dancing all over what’s left of humanity in Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017): Godzilla Filius and the 300 meter-embiggened, Godzilla Earth. I don’t think Godzilla Earth could fit in even God’s toy box, so I’m thinkin’’ the mystery ‘monster‘ is Ghost Godzilla. Don’t know if he even exists, just though it sounded cool.

Funko Godzilla

While you click away from this blog to go check out Funko.com (yes, you WILL be blown away), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies may or may not seem as cool as…Ghost Godzilla

The Night of the Virgin

THE NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN (June 12, 2018)
Javier Badola is a lonely young man who attends a New Years Eve party with the intention of losing his virginity. After midnight he finds himself alone and rejected until a middle-aged woman invites him back to her apartment. What promises to be an epic sexual debut turns into his worst nightmare when he discovers that the woman has a perverse occult agenda.”

Seriously? What guy doesn’t go out with the intent of losing his virginity — or at least re-imagineering it? And just so we’re clear, it just. ..doesn’t…matter if the woman has a perverse occult agenda. It’s super fun happy times for your swimsuit area, man! And if there are any “virgins” out there reading this, I’ll give you some advice via an old joke: “Sex is a lot like air — it’s no big deal until you’re not getting any.”

Canaries

CANARIES (2018)
“In the style of Shaun Of The Dead, The Lost Boys and Attack the Block, Canaries is a funny, dark and action packed sci-fi horror comedy that pits a group of drunken friends on New Years Eve in a Welsh valley against an invasion task force of creepy time-traveling aliens. A kick-ass M.O.D agent, an insecure radio DJ and a kung fu master who owns the local B&B learn their new years resolution this year is simple: STAY ALIVE.”

Why do I have a sudden desire to move to a Welsh valley? I hear the residents are out of this world. P.S. I wanna be a kung fu master, but don’t wanna own a B&B. The things people do all over sheets — there’s the real horror story.

Zombiepura

ZOMBIEPURA (2018)
“When a mysterious virus breaks out in an isolated army camp, a lazy reservist soldier and his tough commander must work together to survive, and learn what it means to be real soldiers.”

Wow, it’s like they don’t even try and come up with a new spin on zombies. Sounds like Gomer Pyle versus the Undead.

The Adventures of Jurassic Pet: Chapter 1

ADVENTURES OF A JURASSIC PET: CHAPTER 1 (2018)
“An adventurous teenager summons the courage to help a friendly dinosaur to escape from the clutches of a mad scientist that wants to use him for experimentations.”

I imagine the worst part about a pet dinosaur is cleaning the litter box.

Monster Marriage

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , on May 5, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

I Married A Monster

A pointless re-make of the 1958 sci-fi classic I Married a Monster from Outer Space, I Married A Monster (1998) has groaning special effects, none of the campiness of the original, and a shocking disregard of nakedity. I’m probably visibly shaken.

I Married A Monster

The night before his wedding, a beer-swilling, cigarette smoking, pool-playing guy goes out looking for his dog in the woods and discovers a gelatinous space craft that sucks him in and takes over his body. His new wife is unsuspecting, even though he no longer drinks or smokes or hangs out with the guys. (Aliens must be Republicans.) 

I Married A Monster

While her attempts at seduction are pointed (her panties are out of this world), the alien hubby can’t seem to figure out that peg B goes into slot A. Once all the other men in town are “invaded”, they go about trying to knock up local chicks to keep their race from dying out. 

I Married A Monster

No X-rated inter-galactic lovin’, no lunar booty, no space knockers. This one should be re-titled, I Rented Another Dud.

Space Cat, Highway To Hell, Zombies vs. Kids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jonesy: Nine Lives on the Nostromo

Finally, a book worth reading — a re-telling of the famous events that took place in Alien (1979) on the space freighter Nostromo when the crew brought back a face-hugging alien from the planet below. And it’s done by Jonesey the cat’s point of view. Jonesy, as we know, is Ripley’s kitty and witnessed the whole “alien pops out of your chest” thing and kills the entire crew….except, of course, Ripley and Jonesy.

Ripley and Jonesy

Due on October 16, 2018 on Titan Books, author Rory Lucey releases Jonesy: Nine Lives on the Nostromo, an illustrated book “that offers a cat’s eye view of all the terror!” Here’s the fun press release blurb: “Aboard the USCSS Nostromo, Jonesy leads a simple life enjoying The Company cat food and chasing space rodents. Until one day, his cryostasis catnap is rudely interrupted. The humans have a new pet…and it’s definitely not house-trained.”

Jonesy

Don’t know how much it’s gonna cost, but it shouldn’t matter as we all need to have this book. And while we contemplate space life from a feline’s point of view, here’s a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not make your chest burst with excitement…

The Rejected

THE REJECTED (available now)
Recovered footage and self-filmed documentary that journals a UFO sighting and possible abduction. This found footage film will test even those with the most open-minded beliefs. Is The Rejected actual proof of aliens on Earth or is this an elaborate hoax? We let you decide.”

This is supposed to be a “documentary,” but I smell a found-footage rat. So have aliens really landed on Earth or is it an elaborate hoax? I’m gonna be absolutely decisive on this subject and say both.

Road To Hell

ROAD TO HELL (August, 2018/Italy)
“A group of robbers fleeing to a new life, crossing their path with a woman, with her son and with the tragic curse they bring with them. A criminal boss and a mysterious organization of unscrupulous men, to help them, an ex-policeman with hasty methods and a jealous girlfriend. The escape will soon turn into a mad rush to Hell to save the life of the child and the fate of the world.”

If you’re from Italian Land (or “Italy”), this one’s called Fino all’Inferno. I have no idea what that means. Still, this sounds like a reality TV show. I can see wanting to save the kid, but we already know the horrible fate of the world — we’re living in it right now.

Little Monsters

LITTLE MONSTERS (2018)
Dave, a washed-up musician, volunteers to chaperone his nephew’s kindergarten class field trip after taking a shine to the plucky schoolteacher, Miss Caroline. Dave’s intentions are complicated by the presence of the world’s most famous kid’s show personality, and competition for Miss Caroline’s affections, Teddy McGiggle. One thing none of them bargained for however, is a sudden zombie outbreak, from which Dave and Miss Caroline must protect the children.”

A kid’s show personality calling himself, Teddy McGiggle? I bet the zombies would tell you he tastes funny.

Sick For Toys

SICK FOR TOYS (2018)
Roy accepts an invitation to have Christmas dinner with a beautiful and strangely alluring woman. Once at dinner, he realizes that his date and her oddball brother are not what they seem, and he soon ends up fighting for his life.”

Yeah, but did he get to finish his meal first? Sure hope it wasn’t a three-bean casserole; you eat a plate of that and you’d definitely be fighting for your life. You, or the people sitting nearby. Heh.

Superhero Facial Hair, Alien Robots, Criminal Comets

Posted in Aliens, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Supergirl

My TV superhero watching guilty pleasures include Arrow, The Flash, Gotham, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Daredevil, The Punisher, Luke Cage, Iron Fist (just barely) and Jessica Jones. But it’s Supergirl on The CW that, while targeting young teen girls, is hilarious enough to keep me all giggly during its three seasons.

Supergirl

Favorite moments include Supergirl getting drunk (“I feel…float-y…but I’m not floating…”), excitedly meeting the President (original Wonder Woman star, Lynda Carter) for the first time: “Should I get a blow-out?”, Karaoke rapping (she’s actually not half bad, though rap music in general sucks red kryptonite) and eating glazed pastry after glazed pastry in a diner as her alter-ego, Kara Danvers. (Waitress: “How can you eat all this day after day and not gain a pound?” Kara/Supergirl: “I’m an alien.” Comedy gold, I tell you.

Mon-El

But in Season 3, several characters are getting costumes, specifically ex-Supergirl boyfriend Mon-El (he has a cape he uses as a wicked weapon) and apocalyptic nemesis/world killer Reign, whose costume looks like it’d be perfect for cosplay night at the Fetish Fortress in Chinatown, NY. Both are welcome upgrades, though not too crazy about Mon-El’s new hipster beard/mustache. Arrow being the exception to the rule, superheroes in general don’t look superhero-y with facial hair — just ask Superman and his universally-mocked, digitally-erased “Canadian scarf” in Justice League (2017).

Reign

While I go shopping for a new pair of britches I can use as a weapon, here are a few upcoming/just released horror/sci-fi and genre documentaries that may or may not give your fright level a smooth, close-shave…

Kin

KIN (August 31, 2018)
Kin, a pulse-pounding crime thriller with a sci-fi twist, is the story of an unexpected hero destined for greatness. Chased by a vengeful criminal, the feds and a gang of otherworldly soldiers, a recently released ex-con and his adopted younger brother are forced to go on the run with a weapon of mysterious origin as their only protection.

I bet the “weapon of mysterious origins” is a Super Soaker™ filled with pee pee. That should pretty much stop anybody, even otherworldly soldiers. In fact, I hear NASA is building up an arsenal of such weapons just in case Earth is invaded by extraterrestrials. I heard about that on the Internet, so it can’t possibly be wrong.

The Flatwoods Monster: A Legacy of Fear

THE FLATWOODS MONSTER: A LEGACY OF FEAR (available now)
“This documentary that unlocks a decades-old mystery that included a government-ordered military examination of a purported alien crash-site, and multiple UFOs seen by countless residents of Braxton County, WV. In September of 1952 hundreds of people across the United States witnessed glowing objects streak across the skies over much of the Eastern Seaboard. One of the objects in question was seen to land on a hill near the small community of Flatwoods, West Virginia by a group of children. The children and two adults made a journey to the top of the hill to search for the object but instead found themselves face to face with a thirteen-foot tall mechanical monster.”

I’ve seen numerous TRUE documentaries about this “Beverly Spacebilly.” A moment-by-moment recounting of the story on Wikipedia™ tells that when the local sheriff showed up to investigate, he found “two elongated tracks” in the mud. We can only hope aliens, mechanical or otherwise, have enough sense to wipe their tentacles before tracking up a freshly-mopped UFO kitchen floor/deck.

Stone Seeker

 

STONE SEEKER (available now)
“Three soldiers descend into the caves beneath their city to find a fabled stone with powers.”

And there they find members of the Rolling Stones. (Stones with powers — get it? Why I’m not on Comedy Central™ continues to baffle me.)

Garlic and Gunpowder

GARLIC AND GUNPOWDER (available now)
“A comet is on track to destroy the planet — or not, depending on who you talk to. The world’s top 1% aren’t taking any chances and are planning on stashing their gold and valuables in vaults hidden deep in the mountains. A 300-pound female Mob Boss, a Chinese Mafia leader and a couple of Federal agents all have competing plans to pull off what could be the final heist of existence.”

They’re right — the guy selling tainted Romaine lettuce in the grocery store insists a comet will wipe our butts clean. Then there’s the bus stop lady who never gets on the bus who claims the end-of-the-world produce guy is full of E.coli. Either way, the criminals — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — are smart to invest their ill-gotten gains in mountain vaults. Just to be safe, they should tell me where its hidden, so I can help them re-find it if and when the comet comes to cash us out.

Happy Alien Day, Dinosaurs vs. Criminals, Rock Mom

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Day

Today (Thursday, April 26, 2018) is Alien Day. And yes, it’s a globally recognized religious holiday. Traditional gifts include blurry photographs, night trips to Uranus, watches that stop for hours at a time and unearthly implants.

HR Giger Museum Bar

I’m sure you have a lot of themed activities planned, like going to the YMCA and getting probed in the locker room, inviting fellow abductees over to watch E.T. the Extraterrestrial (1982) and LOLing at that turd-shaped toilet plunger alien, or even stopping by the Museum HR Giger Bar in Château St. Germain, Gruyères, Switzerland (fashioned in part to honor of the late Giger’s Alien concept art) to slug down a few Romulan Ales while trying to score with “female” lifeforms.

Area 51

I’m headed for Area 51 and taking a few UFOs out for a test spin. It’s important to test drive a few before laying down the big bucks. FYI: Keep the extras like GPS but lose the LoJack™ — the government’s gonna steal it anyway, so why bleed the weasel?

E.T. the Extraterrestrial

Don’t forget to “phone home” if you party a little too much with your space brothers. Here are  few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to help you forget tomorrow exactly what happened on your Uranus. (Don’t worry; it’ll all come back to vividly haunt you on Facebook™)…

The Jurassic Games

THE JURASSIC GAMES (June 12, 2018/VOD | July 3, 2018/DVD)
“The film imagines a world set in the near future wherein ten Death Row convicts are chosen to compete in The Jurassic Games, the ultimate virtual reality game show that pits its players against dinosaurs and each other. However, there is a catch; if you die in the virtual game, you also die in reality. As the devious Host continues adding improbable challenges, the characters will find the odds stacked against them as only one victor can emerge as winner and reclaim their freedom.”

The TRUE Hunger Games — heh. So criminals versus dinosaurs. My money’s on the dinosaurs. 

Venom

VENOM (October 5 (2018)
“One of Marvel’s most enigmatic, complex and badass characters comes to the big screen, starring Academy Award nominated actor Tom Hardy as the lethal protector, Venom.”

Venom

Glad they re-serviced the key art. The first one looked like Mothman horked up a Rorschach test.

Embryo

EMBRYO (2018)
Kevin and his girlfriend Evelyn, while camping out in the woods in the Chile countryside, are abducted and Evelyn is impregnated by otherworldly beings. As the entity inside her begins to grow at a rapid rate, Evelyn discovers that the cravings she’s experiencing can only be satiated by the taste of human flesh and blood. When she attacks a doctor, Kevin decides not to hand her over to the authorities, but to go on the run and try to get to big city where they can find help to remove the thing that’s slowly taking over Evelyn’s body.”

Creature feature unsafe sex knocker-uppers aren’t new. A few off the top of the ‘ol untouched condom display rack: The Mole People (1956), Day the World Ended (1956), The Alligator People (1959), Alien (1979), Humanoids From The Deep (1980), The Beast Within (1982), Inseminoid (1981), The Fly (1986), The Terror Within (1989)… I could go on for another nine months. Then there’s the reverse impregnation sci-fi romance tale that is Species (1995). Unfortunately, for you, there is no such thing as a “movie after” pill.

Hollow Body

HOLLOW BODY (2018)
“A struggling rock band led by Jimmy Kleen makes a deal with Rick Roland, a shady record executive. Things take a dark turn when the band’s lead singer Rachel Swann and her controlling stage mother, are struck by lightning and killed. Rachel comes back to life, now possessed by the spirit of her dead mother and with strange electrical powers she can’t control. Both personalities struggle for dominance of her body while the band begins to take off. Rachel’s bandmate discovers the dark secret behind the band’s success: Rachel is using her electrical powers to kill men and drain them of their electricity, transmuting it into electrifying performances. He and Jimmy must decide if they will stop her or if the high cost of success is a price they are willing to pay.”

Sounds like Shocker (1989) with guitars. For another struck-by-lighting-and-becomes-electricity “accidents”, look no further than Supergirl’s not-BFF, Livewire on the hit CW hit TV series. Say what you will about her being bonkers and able to throw electricity around like parade candy, she could re-charge your cell phone in, like, one second. That’s pretty neat.

Babysitter Stalkers, Evil Drugs, Multi-Dimensional Monsters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Halloween

Cool new key art for the pee-shivering anticipation of Halloween (October 19, 2018), starring original wallflower babysitter/knife rack, Laurie Strode (aka, Jamie Lee Curtis). Here’s the plot again in case you didn’t read my previous post about this iconic sorta remake: “Laurie, who comes to her final confrontation with Michael Myers, the masked figure who has haunted her since she narrowly escaped his killing spree on Halloween night four decades ago.”

Halloween

I can read the Little Nickel want ads that is your brain: Wasn’t Curtis’ character killed in half in 2002’s Halloween: Resurrection? You’d be correct enough to be right. But word around the cutlery aisle in Sur La Table™ is that, just like my written applications to NASA for a managerial position in their UFO division, the new Halloween is IGNORING all the sequels and just running with a new plot. I haven’t processed my feelings about this yet.

While I consult my life coach (the guy who runs a hot dog cart down the street), here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of a Little Nickel review…

Evil Bong 777

EVIL BONG 777 (available now)
“Our scowling weed-spewing Eebee is out of ‘Sexy Hell’ and heading to Sin City with danger on her tail! She’s joined by her whack pack of fabulous freaks: Faux Batty, Rabbit, Misty and The Gingerweed Man.”

I didn’t understand a word of what they said. I’m assuming this is the sequel to Evil Bong 666 (2016). All told, I believe there are seven films in this pot-headed franchise. Not sure as I haven’t seen any of ‘em as I’ve been busy watching paint dry. It all began with Evil Bong in 2006 and the premise of “a group of college stoners who smoke a bong are unaware that the bong transports the smoker into a surreal world where strippers with sharp teeth-like bras attack them.” Sounds like a night out at The Tug Tavern.

The Rake

THE RAKE (June 5, 2018)
“At a young age, Ashley and Ben witnessed the brutal murder of their parents. Years later, Ashley is still convinced it wasn’t someone, but something that killed her parents and now she’s tormented by the thought of The Rake returning for her and her family. Is Ashley traumatized, or is the creature inside her real?”

The Rake as kind of a dumb name. Might I suggest Blackened Decker, Pitch Forky or The Bowel Trowel?

Braid

BRAID (2018)
Petula Thames and Tilda Darlings are two self-proclaimed artists-turned-drug dealers on the run. After mishandling thousands of dollars in narcotics, the girls are given forty-eight hours to repay their vengeful drug lord. Fleeing town, they head to the desolate mansion of wealthy childhood friend, Daphne Peters, with their sights set on house’s safe. Daphne, living secluded in the manor, has grown into a dangerous schizophrenic and prisoner of the fantasy world the three created as children. To abscond with her money, the girls are forced to take part in Daphne’s twisted, bloody game of make-believe, a demented maze of hallucinations, role play, torture…and murder.”

Don’t do drugs. Or sell them for profits, which can be exchanged for a wide variety of goods and services, some of which can be purchased in PRISON.

The Axiom

THE AXIOM (2018)
“At the risk of her group’s safety, a young woman travels into a National Forest where her sister has become trapped in a multi-dimensional world of monsters.”

PffftNation Forest my pants  — she walked into The Tug Tavern.