Archive for UFOs

Underwater Love, Ancient Alligator, Rehab Werewolf

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aquaman

They — and I have no idea who “they” are — just released a slew (from the Irish Gaelic sluagh, meaning “multitude”) of Aquaman (December 21, 2018) character posters, one even including Aquaman himself wearing his classic DC Comics™ orange/green scaly costume. Not sure how I feel about that since showing Aquaman swimming around in leather pants in Justice League (2017) was somewhat…intriguing.

Black Manta/King Nereus

Love the new posters: Black Manta (with the football shape of his head, how does he keep headphones from slipping off?), King Nereus on a seahorse (I got mine from the back of a comic book), Queen Atlanna (I would totally bow to her bathing suit area any day), and Princess Mera, Aquaman’s on/off girlfriend. (Wonder if she could give me swimming lessons? I’d pretend to drown so she’d have to perform mouth-to-mouth on me — for, like a half hour, followed by a refreshing adult beverage, some seafood appetizers and a little skinny dipping — not necessarily in that order.)

Queen Atlanna / Princess Mera

While I go shopping for a new swim suit that doesn’t zip up the back, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as tasty as Clams Casino

Crocodylus

CROCODYLUS (2018)
“A dark secret is unearthed by a local farmer. Local paleontologists reveal its the remains of a prehistoric monster Crocodylus. It’s trible seal has been broken unleashing terror upon the local towns people.”

As bat-sh*t crazy as the world seems to be right now, you know we’re okay when we get another giant crocodile movie. Let’s hope this croc has a taste for politicians. That would be ironic as politicians tend to leave a sour taste in one’s mouth/gaping jaws of doom.

Among The Shadows

AMONG THE SHADOWS (2018/2019)
Kristy Wolfe is a Brussels private eye descended from werewolves who must go to work when her uncle Harry Goldtsone is murdered in a politically-motivated attack. Patricia Sherman, the wife of European Federation President Richard Sherman, hires Wolfe to investigate Goldstone’s killing, as he was her husband’s campaign manager. Wolfe finds bodies falling all over city and must use her innate instincts to unravel the case and stay alive long enough unmask the conspiracy.”

Two things: werewolf movie = neato. Secondly, waaay too much plot getting in the way of fur where there was no fur before. (Yeah, I used that joke before — I’m sure you’ll find a way to get over it.)

Captive State

CAPTIVE STATE (March 29, 2019)
“Set in a Chicago neighborhood nearly a decade after an occupation by an extraterrestrial force, Captive State explores the lives on both sides of the conflict — the collaborators and dissidents.”

Aliens becoming our master overlords. Y’know this might make for a good TV series as well. They could call it Alien Nation or V or Falling Skies or The Invaders or Earth: Final Conflict or…

STARFISH (2019)
A young woman who struggles with the death of her best friend while trying to assemble a series of clues left on mixtapes in order to stop a monstrous end to the world as we know it.”

It figures the end of the world would end up on mixtapes. Who made this film — some dumbass dorm student who thinks social media is a substitute for actually having a real life?

Tattooed Superhero, Pentagon Aliens, Eating Planets

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batgirl

Going batty over the first released pic of Ruby Rose as the new Batgirl. Before she launches her own series, CW is gonna have her do pop-ups in The Flash, Supergirl and Arrow. (It’ll be called Elseworlds. Batman is gonna be so jealous.)

Ruby Rose

Ruby Rose, if you didn’t hear, is being touted as the first gay female superhero in the lead role. While CW already has several high-profile gay/lesbian characters in their superhero shows, this is further great news. And the stunningly attractive and badass Ruby — former Australian model, actress, and television presenter who is literally painted in tattoos — is an awesome casting choice. (You saw her in The Meg, yes? The shark wisely chose to swim in the opposite direction of her.)

Ruby Rose

While we wait impatiently for Ruby to turn criminals into prison fertilizer, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not be as cool as the new Batgirl

Aliens At The Pentagon

ALIENS AT THE PENTAGON (available now)
“For years the US government denied investigating UFOs. But when an ultra-secret Pentagon program to study the Alien threat was exposed in late 2017, the world was stunned by this revelation. Nick Pope, aka ‘The Real Fox Mulder’, investigated UFOs and other unexplained phenomena for the British government. Now Nick exposes the secretive workings of the Pentagon’s real-life X-Files unit, using his knowledge and past experience to tell the incredible story as only a true government insider can.”

If you’re a fan of UFO documentaries like, um, me, then you’ll no doubt want to rent this one. But don’t buy it if you’re planning on being abducted by aliens in the near future. I’m still waiting.

Haunted

HAUNTED (October 19, 2018/Netflix™)
Netflix’s™ Haunted gives a chilling glimpse into the first-person accounts from people who have witnessed horrifying, peculiar, extraordinary supernatural events and other unexplained phenomena that continue to haunt them.”

The only horrifying event I’ve ever witnessed is the bar I’m in closing at 2AM. I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it. Then again, maybe it’s all that beer that’s giving me the trembles.

Godzilla: The Planet Eater

GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER (November 9, 2018/Japan | Netflix™ 2019)
“Last year, Toho and Polygon kicked off an animated trilogy with Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, which continued this year with Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle (now on Netflix™). The trilogy ends with Godzilla: The Planet Eater.”

Awesome title. And it suits Godzilla Earth perfectly as he can be seen in the previous two animated features biting into mountains as if they were Hostess Cupcakes™. So if he eats a planet for dinner, what might be a good side dish — a jungle salad, perhaps?

Pet Sematary

PET SEMATARY (April 5, 2019)
“Based on the seminal horror novel by Stephen King, Pet Sematary follows Dr. Louis Creed, who, after relocating with his wife Rachel and their two young children from Boston to rural Maine, discovers a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near the family’s new home. When tragedy strikes, Louis turns to his unusual neighbor, Jud Crandall, setting off a perilous chain reaction that unleashes an unfathomable evil with horrific consequences.”

If you saw the original adaptation (1989), it was pretty dang excellent, even if it was a spin on the Monkey’s Paw back-from-the-dead gut-punch. I don’t care as the trailer for the new one looks to continue the thrills, chills and doctor bills.

X-Files Anniversary, Demonic Kids Games, Zombie Baby-Making

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The X-Files

Talk about finding the Holy Grail of sci-fi TV series — 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment™ is issuing all 11 seasons/218 episodes of The X-Files on DVD/Blu-ray box set on October 15, 2018 to commemorate the pop culture phenomenon’s 25th anniversary. Now you can binge watch (take the week off from work) all those elusive flying saucers, aliens, monsters, demonic stuff, and subsequent government conspiracies. That’s the good news. The bad news is its only available (for now) in England. Blimey!

The X-Files

Yeah, there’s been X-Files box sets before, the last one released a few years ago and only went to Season 10. At $148.00 for the Blu-ray collection and $119.00 for the DVD set, it was still a bargain at twice the price. The only drag is that the new box set contains 59 discs; Trying to find a particular episode in a sea of shows seems unduly laborious (sorry — word of the day calendar).

The X-Files

So while you click on over to Amazon.co.uk to buy it ($117.00 in U.S. converted dollars), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of a Fox Muldar/Dana Scully investigation…

Light As A Feather

LIGHT AS A FEATHER (October 12, 2018/Hulu)
“An innocent game of ‘Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board’ goes wrong when the five teen girls who played start dying off in the exact way that was predicted, forcing the survivors to figure out why they’re being targeted — and whether the evil force hunting them down is one of their own.”

Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Sounds more like a wishful health condition than a game. If it’s pure evil they’re looking for, those girls should start playing Twister™, the Exorcist edition.

Welcome To Mercy

WELCOME TO MERCY (November 2, 2018)
“A young woman struggles against the unholy forces that possess her in this terrifying occult thriller. After being stricken with stigmata, single mother Madaline is sent to a remote convent where nothing is what it seems and her friend August is seemingly the only person she can trust. Together, they must confront the demons inside Madaline before she becomes the Antichrist.”

Wikipedia™ defines stigmata as a term used in Christian Mysticism to describe the manifestations of bodily wounds, scars and pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ, such as the hands, wrists, and feet. My bartender defines it as falling into sharp sticker bushes while wobbling home unholy drunk.

Mail Order Monster

MAIL ORDER MONSTER (November 6, 2018)
“12-year-old Sam Pepper lost her mother in a car accident and her reclusive, quirky nature makes her an easy target for bullying. Realizing she’d had enough, Sam orders the parts to build a ‘Monster’ from a comic book ad, and is finally able to get back at the bully. Life becomes gets more complicated when Sam discovers her father Roy proposes to his girlfriend Sydney, Pepper relies on her monster to keep her from getting a new mom.”

Comic book back page ads in my day only sold stuff like X-Ray glasses (didn’t work), live Seamonkeys (didn’t float), Kryptonite “rocks” (regular rocks painted green) and Space Shoes for $1.98 (still wearing ‘em).

Zoo

ZOO (2018/2019)
“Karen and John have lost the spark of married life the day they were notified that they were unable to conceive. Now they almost live like the walking dead, imprisoned by everyday life and on the verge of divorce. When the world is hit by a pandemic that really turns people into zombies, the couple have to lock themselves in their apartment, waiting for rescue. While the world outside is falling apart, they are forced to find their way back to each other and reclaim their lost love.”

Stuck indoors while zombies are taking over outside and nothing to do but practice making babies? This doesn’t sound like a dark horror comedy but rather…THE BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!

Shark Explosion

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bad CGI Sharks

Finally, someone gets the joke about the exploding plethora of shark movies. Premiering on the SyFy Channel™ is a fin-in-cheek movie called Bad CGI Sharks (2018), with CGI standing for “computer-generated imagery” or “chewing gristle intently.” (Not sure which is correct.)

Bad CGI Sharks

Here’s the plot: “Two estranged brothers writing a script about a killer shark. That shark soon enters into their own reality.” This type of “write a story and it actually happens” plot device has been used numerous times, although it has yet to work for me. Still, the trailer is funny in the way, ironically, CGI sharks are tummy ticklers.

Jaws

This takes me back to the days of Jaws (1975), in which Bruce, the shark, was a mechanical device built to scale (no pun intended in that fish have scales —heh!), and used to historic effect, remaining arguably best shark movie of all time to this day. (An argument could be made for Mega Shark Versus Mecha Shark/2014.)

Jaws

So popular was/still is Jaws, a flood of toys/merch followed in its bloody wake and are highly collectible over four decades later. (You’ll never pry my fuzzy Jaws beach towel out of my cold, wet hands.)

Jaws

This got me thinking, which is kinda hard to do. I’ve covered as many shark movies as possible, but inevitably there are a few over the years that slipped through my journalistic trawling net. If you’re a fan of shark flicks of all levels of cheesiness, consider adding these to your chum bucket list…

Mississippi River Sharks

MISSISSIPPI RIVER SHARKS (2017)
Sharks attack a fish rodeo on the Mississippi River, and it is up to a group of locals to stop them.”

A fish rodeo. Makes total sense. But maybe the sharks were just after the area’s famous Mississippi Mud Pie. (Recipe: A crust of crushed chocolate cookies, topped with layers of dense, flourless chocolate cake and velvety chocolate pudding. Who wouldn’t attack that?)

Ozark Sharks

OZARK SHARKS (2016)
“A vacation to the Ozarks turns upside-down when bull sharks infiltrate Arkansas’s freshwater lakes and wreak havoc on a town’s big fireworks festival.”

Hillbilly sharks. Wonder if their swimsuits have suspenders on ’em? P.S. They used the same shark on the cover of Mississippi River Sharks. Busted.

Roboshark

ROBOSHARK (2015)
“What starts off as a typical day on the streets of Seattle soon becomes a terrifying bloodbath, when a great white shark devours an alien space probe…and ROBOSHARK is born. The U.S. military comes after it with guns blazing, but it’s the power of social media that puts an ambitious newscaster and her tech-savvy daughter ahead of everyone else in the race to stop the destruction.

I live in Seattle. A Roboshark that eats UFO droppings and put on their hipster hybrid pants are the least of this town’s problems — me being one of ‘em.

Raging Sharks

RAGING SHARKS (2005)
“An alien object falls from space into the Bermuda Triangle where it pumps up the resident sharks like a steroid.”

I though all sharks were/are raging. A weak concept when you have to combine aliens, sharks and the Bermuda Triangle. For a better pairing, I suggest, clams jubilee with a 40 ounce Chianti of Foster’s Lager™. Finish with a nice nap.

Since sharks have been used as everything from snow and sand, to ghosts and multi-headed mutants, there’s one shark-themed movie that’s never been made. Bets are on as to how long it’ll be before this one’s made…

Yellowstone National Shark

Meh-galodon, LOL Zombies, The Swimming Dead

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, Sharks, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 25, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Meg

So everyone waits for months to see the giant shark movie, The Meg (2018), and in some theaters in 3D. Was it good? Yes and no. (Put the cost to see it in the “no” column.) First, the shark looked pretty realistic and quite “shark-y.” The acting/action was tight, as was the dialogue.

The Meg

So where’s the beef? The filmmakers blew several chances to have the Megalodon really chew up the scenery, if you catch my incoming tide. That whole scene where there are thousands of people on inner tubes in the water should have been a blood bath, with the Meg straining bodies through its mega-mouth like krill. In all, a fail not to show more chewing-with-your-mouth-open and blood-gushing scenes for a shark movie.

The Meg

As neato as the shark looked, the concept art made the swimming mouth look tons more britches-staining. So much so, if I was out on an inner tube drinking a beer and saw this thing in the water, I’d pollute the water. Then the water would be polluted and hopefully scare the shark away. At least, that’s what I’m betting my inner tubes on.

The Meg

So here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not get you banned from community swimming pools. (Still waiting for my appeal to be heard)…

Beyond The Sky

BEYOND THE SKY (September 21, 2018/VOD/Limited)
“A man has a powerful and traumatic connection to alien abductions since his early childhood. He sets out to disprove the alien abduction phenomenon by attending a UFO convention — but then meets someone, who claims to have been abducted every seven years on her birthday, he realizes there may be more to these claims than meets the eye.”

Too bad she wasn’t born on February 29, a leap year, so she could minimize the probing. I’m also thinkin’ that if the guy is out to disprove alien abductions, then why was he so traumatized by it? As my proctologist says, why not go for the ride?

Possum

POSSUM (2018)
“A disgraced children’s puppeteer returns to his childhood home and is forced to confront his wicked stepfather and the secrets that have tortured him his entire life.”

I bet the stepfather caught the budding entertainer working on his lucrative career with his pant puppet. And as we all know, practice makes perfect.

One Cut of the Dead

ONE CUT OF THE DEAD (2018)
“An epic, 37-minute opening single take makes Shin’ichirô Ueda’s feature debut a bright, breezy and laugh-out-loud hilarious zombie comedy. A film crew is shooting a zombie horror flick in an abandoned water filtration plant, allegedly used for human experiments by the military. Just as the director browbeats his actors and demands more special effects blood, a real zombie apocalypse erupts, much to his auteur delight. Packed with meta-movie references as mocking as they are loving, this relentless takedown of the Living Dead genre is a total blast.”

This one came out in November 4, 2017 in Japan, where Godzilla’s day job is in deconstruction (heh). It’s also been raking in a ton of giddy reviews, so when it comes to the States, I’ll have to giddyup and go rent it.

Aurora

AURORA (2018)
“The passenger ship Aurora collides into a rocky shore, destroying the livelihood of an entire island — forcing Leana, the owner of a rundown inn, to work for the victim’s families by finding the missing bodies for a bounty; risking her sister’s life and her own from the dead that will come to shore and find shelter in their home.”

Crud-a-rama — the trailer, which admittedly looks kinda spooktacular, is in sub-titles. I have a hard enough time trying to read the ingredients on a can of Budweiser™. Why can’t they just put “Contents: Beer” and just leave well enough alone? P.S. I didn’t know zombies could swim. Is there the undead can’t do?

Catch And Release Monsters, FBI vs. UFOs, Arabic Ghouls

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Loch Ness Monster

If you ever catch the highly-marketable Loch Ness Monster, just know that its protected by the Scottish Natural Heritage, which demands you throw the beast back in the lake, lest ye be severely punished, probably with a stick or something.

Loch Ness Monster

If you think this is not serious, guess again. The following comes from recent BBC news report; “Scottish officials have a plan ready if the Loch Ness Monster is ever caught. Officials drew up a set of guidelines on how to protect the new species — including releasing it back into its watery home.”

Loch Ness Monster

“The ‘partly serious, partly fun’ code of practice was written in 2001 by Scottish Natural Heritage, which is funded by the Scottish government. SNH said it will “dust off” the plan and put it into action should the fabled beast be discovered, reports the BBC.”

Loch Ness Monster

“It says officials should take a DNA sample from the monster so scientists can study the creature. Then it should be released back into the Loch with measures put in place to make sure it is not disturbed — as it would be an extremely rare species needing conservation.”

Loch Ness Elephant

Before you head to the corner bait shop (no, not a sushi restaurant) to get a bigger fishing pole, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not need to be thrown in a lake…

Along Came The Devil

ALONG CAME THE DEVIL (August 10, 2018)
“A troubled teen Ashley is sent to live with her estranged Aunt Tanya. While in her old hometown she has visions of her deceased mom, driving her to try to contact the spirit world putting her soul into grave danger.”

Ghoul

GHOUL (August 24, 2018/Netflix™)
“Based on Arabic folklore, Ghoul is a chilling series about a prisoner who arrives at a remote military interrogation center and turns the tables on his interrogators, exposing their most shameful secrets.”

Sound familiar? It should — it comes directly from the Stephen King TV mini series, Storm of the Century (1999). That one had a lot of weather in it.

UFO

UFO (September 4, 2018/DVD)
Derek is a brilliant college student and haunted by a childhood UFO sighting. He believes that mysterious sightings reported at multiple airports across the United States are UFOs. With the help of his girlfriend, Natalie and his advanced mathematics professor, Dr. Hendricks, Derek races to unravel the mystery with FBI special agent Franklin Ahls on his heels.”

You don’t need to be a brilliant college student to know that UFOs are real. Every high school drop out knows that.

Hell Fest

HELL FEST (September 28, 2018)
“On Halloween night, three young women and their respective boyfriends head to Hell Fest — a ghoulish traveling carnival that features a labyrinth of rides, games and mazes. They soon face a bloody night of terror when a masked serial killer turns the horror theme park into his own personal playground.”

Liked this better when it was called The Funhouse (1981). Looks like someone’s been double-dipping into idea bowl (aka, Hollywood toilet) again.

UFO Portraits, 14 Phobias, Grizzly Deaths

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

UFO Presences

There are at least two billion books on the subject of UFOs. (Statistically speaking, that means at least one book on UFOs is unfake.) Adding to that steaming pile of pics and reprinted newspaper articles is UFO Presences (by Javier Arcenillas/2018) has the distinction of being sold out in every Target™ store that stocked it. And all this time I thought Hanes™ Men’s Underwear was king of the cash register.

UFO

UFO Presences (published by Distributed Art Pub Inc. in hardback format), comes in an economic 115 pages for $22.48 (the MSRP is $35.00) and is more photo than recounting UFO sighting word barf. This is great news for those of use who would rather watch cartoons than read a newspaper. FYI: The book is still available on Amazon.com for $22.81 — but you have to pay postage. Looks like Target™ just gave Amazon the one-finger shipping salute.

UFO

While you can find the same photos online for free, one simple cannot have enough books on UFOs, if anything, to impress the ladies. If the subject of unidentified flying objects isn’t up Uranus, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not land you a second date…

Dogged

DOGGED (July 9, 2018/UK)
“When ten-year-old Megan Lancaster meets a grizzly and untimely end, Sam is forced to return to the remote tidal island where he grew up to attend the funeral. A testing relationship with his disconnected parents, a reunion with his estranged girlfriend Rachel, and a cryptic message from the island’s doctor force Sam to investigate the events leading up to Megan’s tragic death. The truth is far more shocking and unbelievable than Sam wants to acknowledge, and his life begins to spiral out of control in a macabre descent of paranoia. Sam must race against tide and time to expose the seedy underbelly of the island, and to save the lives of those he loves.”

This one’s been available in the UK since the year before this one (I forget what that is), and is now coming out on DVD. No American release scheduled as of yet, though looking over the hot mess that is the movie’s press release, I think I can pass the time watching paint dry for my viewing pleasures.

A Taste of Phobia

A TASTE OF PHOBIA (2018)
A Taste of Phobia features 14 International filmmakers as they peer into the twisted and often self-violent world of phobias.”

This one got me thinking about my own acute phobias. For instance, I have a fear of non-alcoholic beer, flying (actually, I have a fear of not flying), and getting probed by aliens while sober. (Not that I want to be probed in the first place, but I’d need to have a few drinks first, you know, to take the edge off.)

Being

BEING (2018)
Looked everywhere for the official plot, but couldn’t find one, though I did uncover a fun fact: E.T. stands not for “extraterrestrial”, but rather, “extra testicle.” Wheeeeee!

The Being

That gleefully said, avoid at all costs of harm to your health of confusing this with 1983’s The Being. That movie’s press release: “A mutated creature is wreaking havoc in a small town in Idaho. A police chief and a government scientist team up to save their rural town from its menace.” Sounds like they have it handled. Bravo, small town Idaho.

The Onania Club

THE ONANIA CLUB (2018/2019)
Set in Hollywood, Tom Six’s The Onania Club promises to be “one of the most vile, inhumane movie experiences of all time.”

The same could be said about my proctology exam results, except being set in the movie capital of the world. There’s nothing in that back lot Hollywood needs to see.