Archive for possessed

Bloody Vampires, Bloody Puppets, Bloody Expensive Guitars

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Game of Thrones guitar

With Game of Thrones dominating the non-political headlines, the series final season has people tripping all over themselves to cash in before its relegated to binge-watching re-runs. [Disclaimer: I tried to get into GoT and only made it through the first five episodes. There were so many characters/story lines that clashed with my attention deficit disorder, I’d have needed an abacus to keep track.]

Game of Thrones guitars

Fender Custom Shop™ is releasing three GoT themed guitars. Even if you don’t play the git-fiddle, these things would make you look awesome just carrying ‘em around, like to the store or while commuting to work on a flying dragon. Here’s the deets:

Game of Thrones guitars

“As opulent as its namesake — the ambitious house with designs on the Iron Throne — the Sigil Collection Game of Thrones House Lannister Jaguar is an homage to that avaricious clan. This bespoke guitar was painstakingly crafted by Principal Master Builder, Ron Thorn, who called on his extensive experience with materials to work 24k gold leaf into the elegant, sweeping form of the Jaguar. Crafted to order, this guitar could only have come from Westeros — and the Dream Factory, the Fender Custom Shop.

Game of Thrones guitar

“Avaricious” is an interesting term to use in a press release. It means “having or showing an extreme greed for wealth or material gain.” Well, heck — it’s like they’re inside my head! Unfortunately, my lack of wealth will keep me from buying one of these guitars, which range in price from $25,000 to $35,000.

If you need something to watch after Game of Thrones concludes, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not have been made for $25,000 to $35,000 smackos…

Blood From Stone

BLOOD FROM STONE (2019)
“A woman trying to escape the vampire’s grip, and struggles to cope with the vampire curse in a society where old ways refuse to die.”

Why fight it? I’d love to be a vampire. I kinda am already as I suck on long necks. Heh.

The Room

THE ROOM (2019)
Kate and Matt are a young couple in their thirties in search of a more authentic and healthy life. They leave the city to move into an old house in the middle of nowhere. Soon they discover a secret hidden room that has the extraordinary power to materialize anything they wish for. Their new life becomes a true fairytale. They spend days and nights indulging their every desire of material possession, swimming in money and champagne. Yet beneath this apparent state of bliss, something darker lurks: some wishes can have dire consequences. That room could very well turn their dream into a nightmare when it gives them what they’ve been waiting forever and that nature was denying them.”

I liked it better when it was called The Monkey’s Paw.

Blood Rise: Subspecies V

BLOOD RISE: SUBSPECIES V (February 14, 2020)
Spanning 500 years in the life of the vampire Radu Vladislas, this long-anticipated prequel to the Subspecies series chronicles Radu’s descent from a noble warrior for the Church to a depraved creature of the night. Stolen by crusaders on the night of his birth, he has no knowledge of his bloodline: his mother a demon; father a vampire. Trained and exploited by a brotherhood of mystic monks to slay all enemies of the Church, fate brings him back one night to the castle of his father, armed with the monster-slaying Sword of Laertes, to destroy the vampire Vladislas and reclaim a holy relic: the Bloodstone. The events of that night turn Radu from a noble man into a vampire with no master, setting him on a centuries-long quest for sustenance, for companionship, for the treacherous one who stole him from the sun, and for the Bloodstone he hopes will bring him peace.

Even as uneven as the Subspecies movies (four flicks, 1991 — 1998) have been, it’s nice to see Radu back in action and licking the Bloodstone like it was a bleeding ice cream cone. After all these years, though, he’s looking a bit long in the tooth. Ahem.

Blade: The Iron Cross

BLADE: THE IRON CROSS (February 14, 2020)
Charles Band’s Puppet Master series continues as an unspeakable evil from Blade’s past emerges in the form of a murderous Nazi scientist named Dr. Hauser. As Hauser’s heinous crimes are discovered, the psychic war journalist, Elisa Ivanov, awakens Blade, and together the bloody journey of revenge begins. It’s Herr Hauser’s reanimated undead army versus a possessed doll and a beautiful vengeance-seeking clairvoyant.”

This will be the 15th (!) installment in the Puppet Master film series, which began in 1989. That’s one helluva puppet show. For a really fun killer puppet movie, try Trilogy of Terror (1975), featuring the legendary (and toothy) Zuni fetish doll. That thing caused me to bespoil my trousers back in the day. The cleverly named sequel, Trilogy of Terror II, was released in 1996. I chose to not watch it as getting stains out of britches is not as easy as Oxi Clean™ Refreshing Lavender & Lily Liquid Laundry Detergent claims it is.

Death Balls, Dolled Up Horror, Supervillain Rebirth

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 7, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Phantasm Sphere Collection

Of all the horror movie collectibles out there, you be hard pressed to find something as cool as the full-scale replica of the Phantasm flying death spheres. And here’s the even cooler part — the spheres come as part of the brand new Phantasm Limited Collector’s Edition Blu-ray set of the complete film series. I already have the moves, but no flying death spheres. Time to dip into the retirement fund YET AGAIN.

Phantasm Sphere Collection

Due out Halloween of 2019, the Phantasm Sphere Collection will be pumped up with new extras and a “be a meticulous 4K restoration of 1988’s Phantasm II.” But wait, there’s more: the set will also come with a new documentary on the making of Phantasm: Ravager (2016). I just re-booted in my pants.

Phantasm: Ravager

Don’t know how much it’ll cost, nor do I care. One should never have to go through life without a flying death sphere. While we all wait to quit pee shivering, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not stick in your head like a flying death sphere

Thriller

THRILLER (April 14, 2019/Netflix™)
“Years after a childhood prank goes horribly wrong, a clique of South Central LA teens find themselves terrorized during Homecoming Weekend by a killer hell-bent on revenge.”

Cool: All African-American cast. Not cool: The seriously cliched and worn out plot/title.

Brahms: Th Boy II

BRAHMS: THE BOY II (July 26, 2019)
“A young family, unaware of the terrifying history of the estate into which they move, their young son soon makes an unsettling new friend, an eerily life-like doll he calls Brahms.”

The sequel to the not-too-shabby The Boy (2016). Was hesitant to watch another “possessed doll” movie, but it had a nice, nasty twist as well as the staggeringly gorgeous Lauren Cohan (Maggie, The Walking Dead) in it. Now there’s a doll I’d like to possess.

Joker

JOKER (October 4, 2019)
“In 1981, a failed stand-up comedian, disregarded by his society, turns to a life of crime and chaos in Gotham City, slowly rising up to become a frightening legend.”

A new spin on Batman’s bestie forever foe. And judging by the trailer, it’s gonna be awesomely awesome. Note to Batman: run.

Streaming Zombies, Witch Sisters, Evil Internet

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Black Summer

Netflix™, the world’s most popular movie streaming service, is set to unleash a zombie apocalypse come April 11, 2019. A prequel of sorts to the five-season Z Nation on the SyFyChannel (cool series, but at times a bit hard to chew on), this one takes place just a few months after the humanity diaper-change. Whereas Z Nation started out four years into the deadening.

Z Nation

Here’s what to expect: “Set in the dark, early days of a zombie apocalypse, a mother torn from her daughter who embarks upon a harrowing journey to find her. Thrust alongside a small group of American refugees, these complete strangers must find the strength they need to fight their way back to loved ones. But in order for Rose and her team to brave this hostile new world, they will need to make brutal decisions to contend with zombies — and each other.”

Black Summer

Kinda stock for a zombie uprising. But hey, what walking dead premise isn’t? If this ain’t your jam, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth a Netflix™ subscription…

Blood Craft

BLOOD CRAFT (April 9, 2019)
“Two sisters who suffered abuse as children at the hands of their sadistic father decide, after his death, to use witchcraft to bring his spirit back to get revenge.”

Which begs the question — how do you get revenge on a ghost? It’s not like you could squirt shaving cream in his hand while he’s sleeping and then tickle his nose. If you could, that would be super harsh punishment.

Depraved

DEPRAVED (2019)
Alex leaves his girlfriend Lucy after an emotional night, walking the streets alone to get home. From out of nowhere, he is stabbed in a frenzied attack, with the life draining out of him. He awakes to find he is the brain in a body he does not recognize. This creature, Adam, has been brought into consciousness by Henry, a brilliant field surgeon suffering from PTSD after two tours in the Mideast, and his accomplice Polidori, a predator determined to cash in on the experiment that brought Adam to life. Henry is increasingly consumed with remorse over what he’s done and when Adam finally discovers a video documenting his own origin, he goes on a rampage that reverberates through the group and tragedy befalls them all.”

Sounds like Frankenstein’s getting a makeover. I bet the Queer Eye guys could do miracles with this fashion hot mess.

A Psycho's Path

A PSYCHO’S PATH (2019)
“Set in the late ’60s, a psychopath that stalks the streets of a small California desert town, killing it’s residents at random. This leaves Captain Peters and his small police force to search for the killer’s whereabouts before more victims turn up.”

So where would a killer hide in a small desert town? I don’t think this psychopath thought this one out.

Nekrotronic

NEKROTRONIC (2019)
Howard North, who unknowingly holds a secret power, is dragged into a conflict between a family of badass demon hunting Nekromancers, and Finnegan — an evil demon who has possessed the world’s Internet — and is also his mother. Molly, a fierce Nekromancer warrior, is desperate to destroy the demon and believes that Howard has the right stuff to become a true hero. Together, they must work together to exorcise the fiend from the web and blow her back to Hell.”

An evil demon who has possessed the world’s Internet? Not sure how that works, especially when the Internet has already possessed the world. Still, I bet this evil thingamajig knows all the cool porn sites.

Back Into The Zone, Faustian Felines, Soul For Sale

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Twilight Zone

In case you forgot, one of the cornerstones of horror and science fiction is the The Twilight Zone anthology TV series, wrote/co-wrote and hosted by Rod Serling, from 1958 to 1964. And now it’s back in the form of the cleverly-named The Twilight Zone, arriving April 1, 2019 on CBS All Access. This re-boot will be hosted by Mad TV’s Jordan Peele, and will air every Thursday until the ratings say otherwise.

The Twilight Zone 2019

Given that The Twilight Zone is regarded as one of the greatest TV series of ALL TIME, this is good news for fans of science fiction, horror, the paranormal and fantasy with a surprise twist. (By comparison, The Outer Limits, a competing, similarly-themed TV series (1963 — 1965), featured a monster-of-the-week and no moral lessons taught by said monster-of-the-week.)

The Twilight Zone Podcast

To feed your Twilight Zone monkey until April gets here, check out Tom Elliot’s Rondo Award winning show, The Twilight Zone Podcast. Tom does a respectful job, with interviews, reviews and readings from classic Twilight Zone episodes. Or if you’d rather not do any of the above, here are a few just released/upcoming horror movies that may or may not take you to the outer limits…

Hunting Evil

HUNTING EVIL (available now)
“A broken man returns to society after serving time but hits dead ends to turn his life around until he meets an enigmatic man who promises him riches. But when the piper calls, it’s in the form of evil incarnate and wants his soul in return.”

Cool — what’s the going rate on selling your soul? If I could get enough to cover rent, sign me up.

Legend of the Demon Cat

LEGEND OF THE DEMON CAT (February 5, 2019)
During the Tang Dynasty, a Chinese poet and a Japanese monk join forces to investigate a demonic cat who has possessed a general’s wife and wreaked havoc on the imperial court. The investigation takes some gruesome and unexpected twists, leading the monk and the poet to unravel the mystery behind the decade’s old death of the legendary, beautiful concubine, Yang Guifei.”

A woman possessed by her cat. Aren’t they all?

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark

SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK (August 9, 2019)
“A group of young teens must solve the mystery surrounding sudden and macabre deaths in their small town.”

For those of us who’d rather watch horror movies than read ‘em, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark is three children’s books written by Alvin Schwartz and illustrated by Stephen Gammell. The series  began in 1981, a year when people’s street-wear and haircuts were pretty darn horrifying. So much so, there’s one illustration that looks a heckuva lot like me driving around in my Chevy Camaro Z/28, blasting out “Don’t Stop Believin’” on my after-market installed Pioneer™ cassette deck. That alone qualifies as one of the scariest stories ever.

Here Comes Hell

HERE COMES HELL (March 1, 2019/UK)
“A 1930s dinner party descends into carnage, gore and demonic possession in Here Comes Hell, a genre-clashing horror comedy.”

Early reviews are calling this, Downtown Abbey meets the The Evil Dead. I’ve seen The Evil Dead but not Downtown Abbey, which is apparently a long-running British drama TV series and not the name of a street hooker.

Smack-Talking Computers, Possessed Ubers, The Curse of Seagulls

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

HAL

Remember HAL 9000 (Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic), the sentient super computer with a human personality, in the groundbreaking sci-fi movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey (which ironically was done in 1968)? Now CASE (Cognitive Architecture for Space Exploration) is making a new HAL — which spells doom for all us astronauts (I’m almost done with my online courses, so yeah, I’m an astronaut, b*tches!)

Hal/Who

2001: A Space Odyssey, as you likely know, was infamously produced and directed by fake moon landing movie maker, Stanley Kubrick from an Arthur C. Clark short story, Sentinel of Eternity (1951). In 2001, HAL, the computer not only talks, but talks back, overrides human commands and secretly has a directive to investigate a radio signal sent from that mysterious, featureless Monolith. (The Who — lunar British rock band — symbolically peed on it for the cover of their rhythmic beats album, Who’s Next/1971. Disrespectful, but very rock). The crew of Discovery One should’ve waited to see what happened to the staff of the deep space Nostromo in Alien (1979). Ash (Hyperdyne Systems 120-A/2 android), their super computer in the clever guise of a stink human, pulled the exact same sh*t and look what happened there.

CASE

Pretty much everybody (except me) owns their own personal HAL, though they call it Alexa/Siri/Google. My dire warning to you is to not trust any of those convenient smart home devices and make sure you don’t involuntarily get locked out of your house/deep space vessel.

HAL

While you contemplate machines taking over the world, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not digitally sever your oxygen hose…

Beyond White Space

BEYOND WHITE SPACE (December 14, 2018)
“The captain of a deep-space vessel makes a daring decision to go after a rare and nearly extinct species. His obsession soon jeopardizes the mutinous crew when the gigantic and deadly creature attacks the ship.”

Sounds like Moby Dick in space. The trailer is pretty cool — there’s a mega big gigantic huge Godzilla-esque monster floating around, looking for spaceship flavored snacks. The deep-space vessel may as well put a Fritos™ logo on the side of their ship.

Supergrid

SUPERGRID (December 18, 2018)
“Two estranged brothers travel the notorious ‘Grid’ in their quest to collect and deliver a mysterious cargo. En route they must contend with road pirates, rebel gangs, and each other.”

The plot of traveling across the danger-enhanced apocalyptic wastelands steal from dozens of other same-plot movies/TV shows, but also the morning work commute. 

The Car: Road To Revenge

THE CAR: ROAD TO REVENGE (January 8, 2019)
“In a dilapidated cyberpunk city plagued by crime and corruption, an unscrupulous District Attorney is savagely murdered and tossed out of a building onto his brand new car. Mysteriously, the District Attorney and his car come back to life as a single being with a thirst for vengeance. The eerie driver-less car embarks on a vicious rampage exacting revenge on the criminals who murdered him.”

They’re calling this a “stylized sequel” to the 1977 movie called, The Car, wherein a possessed vehicle runs people down and parks on their faces. The lead character was James Brolin, who later went on to The Amityville Horror infamy. He seems nice.

Curse of the Blind Dead

CURSE OF THE BLIND DEAD (2019)
“In the Thirteen century, a group of Satan worshipers, the Knight Templars, is captured during a ritual and brutally murdered by the locals. Just before the execution, the Knights swear to return from their graves to haunt the village and the nearby forest. Centuries later, in a post-apocalyptic future, a man and his daughter try to survive against both the Undead Knights and a sect commanded by a mad preacher.”

Sound familiar? It should — it’s a continuation of the early Seventies Italian-filmed Blind Dead series (Tombs of the Blind Dead/1971, The Return of the Blind Dead/1973, The Ghost Galleon/1974, Night of the Seagulls/1975). Blind dead Templar Knights out for revenge are certainly scary. But man, don’t get in a dust up with seagulls — those things always know when you wash your car and will unleash their coordinated crap attacks on your just-cleaned hood and door handle. (How do they manage such accuracy? Geez.)

Edible Monsters, Rubberized Evil, Reanimated Relatives

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jell-O Monster Slime

Did you watch Ghostbusters (1984) and ever want to take a bite out of Slimer, that hot dog-guzzling poltergeist that looks like a big green, lumpy marshmallow with a mouth? Of course you did. And now you can with Jell-O™ Monster Slime, edible, um, goop (or something that rhymes with it), that pays loose homage to that iconic sticky ghost.

Jell-O Monster Slime

Available for pre-order on Amazon.com (14.8 ounces), this 100% digestible lime gunk will sell for $10 (give or take) and will be available at select stores (probably in the bathroom plumbing department of The Home Depot™) on December 10, 2018. Watch how fast I don’t go there.

Unicorn Slime / Monster Slime

In case Monster Slime™ isn’t your taste (heh), they also have Unicorn Slime™, which is pink and strawberry-flavored. There’s a joke in there somewhere. While I try and come up with a non-offensive punchline, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not gum up your internal plumbing…

Elizabeth Harvest

ELIZABETH HARVEST (December 4, 2018)
“Newlywed Elizabeth arrives with her brilliant scientist husband Henry to his magnificent estate, where he wows her with lavish dinners and a dazzling tour of the property. The house staff Claire and Oliver treat her deferentially but she can’t shake the feeling something is off. Henry explains that everything in his world now belongs to her, all is for her to play in — all except for a locked-off room he forbids her from entering. When he goes away for business, Elizabeth decides to investigate.”

This plot echoed around the gas chamber that is the inside of my head, so I decided to investigate (click madly the mouse): Turns out, Elizabeth Harvest is a science fiction re-imagining of the French folktale of Bluebeard (1697), in which a violent nobleman in the habit of murdering his wives is confronted by a new wife trying to avoid the fate of her predecessors. Sounds like an extreme case of buyer’s remorse.

Replicas

REPLICAS (January 11, 2019)
“A scientist becomes obsessed with bringing back his family members who died in a traffic accident.”

Keanu Reeves — on a hot roll following the John Wick movies (extremely cool badass) — looks to be playing a modern day Victor Frankenstein here. I wish him well with all his science-y skills to achieve the desired results. Ironically, though, all he really needs is a shovel and some sort of…pet sematary.

Child's Play

CHILD’S PLAY (June 21, 2019)
“A mother gives her son a toy doll for his birthday, unaware of its more sinister nature.”

This plot also sounds suspiciously familiar. Could’a sworn I saw something very similar back in…1988. Something about a doll possessed by evil or a facsimile thereof.

Bonejangles 2: Bride of Bonejangles

BONEJANGLES 2: BRIDE OF BOJANGLES (2019)
Picking up after the events of Bonejangles, supernatural serial killer, Edgar Friendly Junior, a.k.a. Mr. Bonejangles, is inadvertently resurrected by a mysterious and sinister cult of followers of the succubus witch, Rowena. Mr. Bonejangles wastes no time picking up where he left off and sets his sights on hapless police officer Doug Partridge, the one who got away from him. But Rowena’s followers have plans of their own on Bonejangles…plans that may spell doom for the very world itself.”

Didn’t see the first Bonejangles movie (2017), so I have no idea what the heckaroo they’re talking about. And as for the plans that spell doom for the world, a lot of movies make the same claim. My question: When are any of you gonna make good with that promise? Getting tired of waiting around.

The Final Dead, Evil Clothes, Sex Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead

Proceed with caution as there be spoilers ahead. For those who are hardcore (or even casual) Walking Dead fans, the final episode of Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln, whose father-in-law is hippie flute player Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull) was kind of a swerve.

Rick Grimes

Impaled by re-bar and barely escaping a herd/horde of walkers, Rick, bleeding out like a stuck pig, keeps passing out and hallucinating. Sounds like a night out at The Tug Tavern. Several past characters return to offer advice and to yell at him to wake up. Then he blows up a bridge over troubled waters, which cause a ton of zombies to cannonball into the raging river below.

Rick Grimes

Did Rick go ka-BOOM during the explosion? Not according to the last scene, which I won’t reveal. But it’s already in the works Rick will be back in not one but three impending Walking Dead movies, as well as directing a few episodes.

Rick Grimes

This is good news as I didn’t want Rick to go ka-BOOM. While we ponder the future of The Walking Dead without him, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make you wanna jump off a bridge…

Cam

CAM (November 16, 2018)
“An ambitious cam-girl wakes up one day to discover she’s been replaced on her show with an exact replica of herself. As this copy begins to push the boundaries of Alice’s Internet identity, the control that Alice has over her life, and the men in it, vanishes. While she struggles to regain what she’s lost, she slowly finds herself drawn back to her show and to the mysterious person who has taken her place.”

Okay, that’s gotta feel weird, being replaced by yourself. If that happened to me, I’d tell that guy to get a haircut and wear something else besides KISS T-shirts day in and day out for months at a time.

Ugly Sweater Party

UGLY SWEATER PARTY (November 23, 2018)
On Christmas Eve at a campsite deep in the woods, an ugly sweater party is in full swing. Best friends Cliff and Jody arrive expecting some mistletoe action from the sexy twins who invited them, but soon realize that they are at a Bible camp. To make matters worse, Cliff is wearing a sweater possessed by the ghost of notorious serial killer Declan Rains. While the evil sweater slowly possesses Cliff, Jody also realizes that the party guests aren’t as innocent as they first seem.

An evil sweater. Welcome to the bottom of the barrel.

Arctic

ARCTIC (February, 2019)
“A man stranded in the Arctic is finally about to receive his long-awaited rescue. However, after a tragic accident, his opportunity is lost. He must then decide whether to remain in the relative safety of his camp or to embark on a deadly trek through the unknown for potential salvation.”

Unless a polar bear eats his head off and snacks on his entrails as if unheated lasagna.

Rabid

RABID (2019)
Rose, a young woman who, after an accident leaves her scarred beyond recognition, undergoes a radical untested stem-cell treatment. While turning Rose into the belle of the ball, the experimental transformation comes at a price.”

A remake of David Cronenberg’s same-named 1977 classic, which was a remake of his 1975 sex zombie movie, Shivers (1975). Check out the plot: “The residents of a suburban high-rise apartment building are being infected by a strain of parasites that turn them into mindless, sex-crazed fiends out to infect others by the slightest sexual contact.” Forget condoms — wear a wet suit.