Artsy Godzilla, Clown Lodgings, Scary Streets

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 23, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla Aftershock

Killer cover art for Godzilla Aftershock, the just released official graphic novel prequel to Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). It’s times like this I wish I knew how to read. Fortunately, it looks to have lots of cool pictures.

Godzilla Afterchock

Godzilla Aftershock was authored by Arvid Nelson and illustrated by Drew Edward Johnson. They seem nice. And here’s why: “The brilliant and driven Monarch operative Dr. Emma Russell races to stop the threat as clues emerge to reveal a terrible secret — a tragedy of apocalyptic proportions from the distant past that changed the course of human history, is returning to threaten it once more. A shadowy figure stalks Emma’s every move as she travels the globe to uncover secrets, while Godzilla clashes in an ancient rivalry as old as the Earth itself.”

Godzilla Aftershock

You can get Godzilla Aftershock in hardcover for $18.71 on Amazon.com (free shipping if you’re a Prime™ member). While you’re clicking “Buy The F*ck Now” button, grab the Godzilla Aftershock Variant for $22.49 with exclusive cover illustration by Art Adams. He seems nice as well.

For those of us who don’t know how to read, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not seem nice…

Clown Motel

CLOWN MOTEL (June 4, 2019)
“A group of ghost hunters return home from Las Vegas. When they arrive at the Clown Motel, they’re left to discover if it is really abandoned and haunted by the souls of the clowns that once lived there.”

Clowns live in motels? I thought they lived in colorful tents.

Project Ithaca

PROJECT ITHACA (June 7, 2019)
“Five strangers awaken to find themselves trapped aboard an alien spaceship that seems to be harnessing their terror to power the ship. They begin to understand that these species have been abducting humans for decades and possibly centuries.”

I harness my terror to power my bladder. In space no one can hear me stream.

Clinton Road

CLINTON ROAD (June 14, 2019)
“A widowed fire fighter seeks closure after his wife goes missing on an actual haunted road in rural New Jersey, but must unlock the road’s secret if he wants to get out alive.”

Clinton Road is a real stretch of street in New Jersey where sightings of spookified ghosts are commonplace, as are weirdo creatures, stinky witches and jaywalking Satanists. The real horror, however, is that Clinton Road has the country’s longest traffic light wait.

Terminator: Dark Fate

TERMINATOR: DARK FATE (November 1, 2019)
Terminator: Dark Fate takes place the day after Judgment Day, and Sarah Connor is locked, loaded, and ready to roll.”

Sarah’s been dusting up with unstoppable future robots since 1984. She’s like the Laurie Strode of the future.

Going Ape Over Kong, Girls With Crabs, Tattooed Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Kong: Skull Island

Mezcotoyz.com is globally known for making incredibly cool action figures, using characters from Halloween, The Evil Dead and The Exorcist, to Friday The 13th, Dawn of the Dead, It and mucho more. Their latest masterpiece is an 18” tall Kong from Skull Island with, get this — THREE interchangeable heads. This covers a wide range of mood swings.

Kong: Skull Island

Pre-orderable now, the ridiculously neato Kong figure ships between November 2019 – January 2020. While the $250.00 asking price is a bit steep, think of how cool Kong would look standing atop a festive fruit arrangement on your dining room table.

Kong: Skull Island

Before I head out to buy a dining room table, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as visually pleasing as a festive fruit arrangement…

Crabgirl

CRABGIRL (available now/Amazon Prime™)
“A young virgin guy does not manage to have sex with his beloved long-term girlfriend on his 23rd birthday. By putting an ultimatum on their relationship, he acknowledges the incredible truth beyond her rejection.”

Not really a movies (though it should be), this 19-minute film short came out in the Ukraine 2018. Unless the Internet is lying to me. You’d think this is a cautionary tale and a metaphor for STDs, but the crabgirl has an actual beach crab living in her love grotto. Apparently, since she was a kid. Her boyfriend thinks she’s just making excuses to not have sex with him. What follows next is amusingly predictable. But stick around for the twist ending. It will make you LOL.

Johnny Ghost

JOHNNY GHOST (available now)
Millicent, a professional musician and lecturer, decides to remove her tattoo, only to begin experiencing ghosts from her past.”

Pffft — I’ve removed lots of tattoos and have yet to see one ghost. I don’t care if they are rub-on tats; they still count.

Freaks

FREAKS (August 23, 2019)
“A disturbed father locks his 7-year-old daughter in a house, warning her of grave dangers outside. But the mysterious Mr. Snowcone convinces the girl to escape and join him on a profound quest for family, freedom, and revenge.”

If some guy named Mr. Snowcone asked me to go come along, I would follow him to the ends of the Earth.

Reborn

REBORN (2019)
“A stillborn baby girl is abducted by a morgue attendant and brought back to life by electrokinetic power. On her sixteenth birthday, she escapes captivity and sets out to find her birth mother, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.”

Um, would her name happen to be Carrie, by any chance?

Don’t Drain The Swamp

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Swamp Thing

Really digging the promo hype around the Swamp Thing TV series re-boot, premiering May 31, 2019 on the streaming DC Universe™. Hardcore fans will no doubt recall a Swamp Thing TV series that ran on the USA Channel™ from 1990 to 1993. It was mildly interesting, bordering on “meh.”

Swamp Thing

But the new version teasers are hinting at Swamp Thing being a lot more like his comic book counterpart, meaning way more aggro, revenge-y and…really icky. And speaking of the comic books (debuting in 1972), nice job of the new Swamp Thing key art paying homage to issue #28 from 1984.

Swamp Thing

In case you didn’t read my January, 2019 bloggedy blog about the new Swamp Thing, here’s a refresher: “Abby Arcane, an employee at Atlanta’s Center for Disease Control, investigates what seems to be a deadly swamp-born virus in a small town in Louisiana but soon discovers that the swamp holds mystical and terrifying secrets.”

Swamp Thing

Besides the swamp being a sewer-away-from-sewer for Swamp Thing, you can bet that’s where all the Louisiana toilet sweepings end up. And you wonder why Swamp Thing is so p*ssed off all the time.

Zombie Snacks, Killer Trees, Blood Boat

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Harcos Labs

Clicked across HarcosLabs.com, a site that sells blood bags containing Blood Energy Potion and Zombie Blood, both for $5.99 each (a discount if you buy in volume). And while you’re sucking down these must-have beverages, you can chew on their Zombie Jerky and Dried Zombie Skin ($4.99 and $3.69 respectively). If you’re mouth isn’t watering by now, you must be dead.

Harcos Labs

Here’s the product plot info: “We have provided the world’s first drinkable synthetic blood substitute available for human consumption.  This fantastic fruit punch-flavored beverage packs 4 hours of energy 80mg of caffeine together with iron and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional make-up to real blood, it has the same color, look, and consistency.” Sadly, they go one to say these drinks do not contain any real blood. That’d just jack up the price.

Harcos Labs

Time to raid the swear jar AGAIN and order me two of everything. Before you follow suit, here are a few available now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as tasty as Dried Zombie Skin

Don't Come Back From The Moon

DON’T COME BACK FROM THE MOON (available now)
“In a dusty town at the edge of the world, the men of a small community begin to vanish one by one. Theories about their whereabouts swirl through the ether as their wives and teenage children wait for their return.”

Anyone think to check the local dive bar?

The Orchard

THE ORCHARD (2019)
“A sheriff gets called to an orchard where three teenage sisters have been attacked by a band of young delinquents. Arriving on the scene, the lawman soon realizes a malevolent force lurks within the grounds that will drag everyone into a fight for their lives.”

This sounds suspiciously like The X-Files episode “Schizogeny” (9th episode, 5th season/1998), wherein Mulder and Scully investigate a rural orchard that has killer trees. It was better than it sounds.

Blood Vessel

BLOOD VESSEL (2019)
“Somewhere in the North Atlantic, late 1945. A life raft adrift at sea, and in it, the survivors of a torpedoed hospital ship: With no food, water, or shelter, all seems lost — until an abandoned German minesweeper drifts ominously towards them, giving them one last chance at survival.”

This one came out in 2018 in Australia, wherever that is. Now we get Australia’s leftovers. Funny title, though. Surprised Dracula didn’t name his fishing boat that.

Batty For Batwoman, Debt Demon, Classy Slashy

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 18, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batwoman

Coming this Fall, CW™ is finally giving us Batwoman (not Batgirl, as erroneously reported October, 2018), starring the inhumanely gorgeous Ruby Rose as the kick ass crime crusher. And when she’s not punching it as Batwoman, Kate Kane (her secret identity), rides around on a motorcycle, has tattoos, wears a leather jacket and a Ramones t-shirt. I wish to hug her.

Batwoman

Here’s what’s about to go down: “Armed with a passion for social justice and a flair for speaking her mind, Kate Kane soars onto the streets of Gotham as Batwoman, an out lesbian and highly-trained street fighter primed to snuff out the failing city’s criminal resurgence. But don’t call her a hero yet. In a city desperate for a savior, Kate must overcome her own demons before embracing the call to be Gotham’s symbol of hope.”

Batwoman

There’s a three-minute trailer for Batwoman, which you need to see. Before you do that, here are a few now available/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as cool as a highly-trained street fighter gal wearing a Ramones shirt…

13 Souls

13 SOULS (available now)
“An evil creature created from the souls of coal miners killed in a mining massacre, takes revenge on a small town every 50 years. His mission is to collect ‘13 souls to pay the debt.’”

There are lots of horror movies about coal mines — you just have to tunnel for ‘em. Heh. For a good throwback coal mine horror flick, give My Bloody Valentine a spin. The 1981 version, not the full-of-holes 2009 remake.

Nun's Deadly Confession

NUN’S DEADLY CONFESSION (available now)
Dr. Morten Holst is a psychiatrist who struggles with as many problems, if not more, as his wide range of unique patients. A detective finds himself in a threatening situation when he gets caught in the doctor’s game while unraveling a mysterious case.”

The cover art is as confusing as the plot. And that nun doesn’t look very holy. God’s probably gonna give her the frowning of a lifetime.

Strawberry Flavored Plastic

STRAWBERRY FLAVORED PLASTIC (available now)
“A sensational, sentimental, and philosophical horror neo-noir that follows the still-at-large crimes of Noel, a repentant, classy and charming serial killer loose in the suburbs of New York.”

There’s a bunch of words that don’t belong in this plot blurb. I can fix it for them — take everything out and just say, “serial killer loose in the suburbs of New York.”

Rock, Paper, Scissors

ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS (July 23, 2019)
Serial killer Peter Harris, aka ‘The Doll Maker,’ returns to his ancestral family estate after being released from the state hospital for the criminally insane after 20 years – a ‘cured’ man. Once inside the old house, anguished memories from a tortured childhood and visitations from past victims shake Peter’s resolve, but it isn’t until the lovely young Ashley enters his life that Peter makes a fateful decision, one that rekindles old desires that always have ended in murder.”

Don’t’ confuse this Rock, Paper, Scissors with the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out in 2012, or the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out in 2018, or the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out in 2007, or the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out in 2013, or the Rock, Paper, Scissors that came out earlier in 2019.

Kaiju Banners, Plagued Writers, Violent Violinist

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Continuing to geek out on the onslaught of Godzilla: King of the Monsters marketing, this time a series of banner posters, giving us an up close and personal look at the kaiju battle royale heading our way on May 31, 2019. Note: Rodan looks like my neighbor’s crack-addicted parrot.

In case you need a distraction from all this dizzying giant monster promo, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as entertaining as a crack-addicted parrot…

Alone

ALONE (2019)
“A writer seeking peace and solitude in the countryside in an attempt to recover from tragedy and finish her book. However, as the welcoming country house turns into a living hell, she soon realizes that her inner demons are not the worst of her problems.”

So is she being plagued by ghosts? Werewolves? Bigfoot? Raccoons? Oh, I know — an overused plot device!

The Sonata

THE SONATA (2019)
“Set in London and France, The Sonata centers on young virtuoso violinist. After the death of her estranged but famous composer father, Rose inherits the old mansion in which he lived. There, she discovers her father’s final work: a mysterious music score marked with strange symbols. With the help of Charles, her agent and manager, she deciphers the symbols and, little by little, starts to unlock secrets concerning her father’s past, setting in motion the mechanisms of a plan imagined on the day she was born.”

Spoiler: the deciphered symbols translate to: “Put the ukulele down, you hippie, and get a real job.”

Queen Ghidorah, Weathered Clowns, Men (And Women) In Black

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Three more/new promotional key art for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). This brings the total of advertising posters (so far) to 14. They only needed one to get my drool cup overflowing. The bulk of the art depicts Godzilla squaring of with King Ghidorah. It’d be cool if a Queen Ghidorah showed up. And each one of her heads could have a different hairdo. That’d be pretty dang funny.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Hot on the heels of the first trailer for It: Chapter Two (September 6, 2019), comes the second of two movie posters. I get that the balloons factor in, but when are they gonna put out some art with Pennywise? Sure, it would no doubt goon out everyone at the mall. So what? Make ’em fill their pants! And speaking of the first trailer, those two minutes alone require you wear Depends™ while watching it. You can thank me later.

Clownado

A hot-off-the-press new poster for the impending Clownado. There have been several others that were just “meh” (the first one looked like someone with a degree in doodling designed it), but this one is killer. No pun intended. 

In case you didn’t write it down when I first e-barfed about this back in April or 2018, it goes something like this: “Cursed demonic circus clowns set out on a vengeful massacre using tornadoes. A stripper, Elvis impersonator, truck driver, teen runaway, and a dude get caught in the supernatural battle between femme fatal and the boss clown from Hell.” They had me as cursed demonic circus clowns.

Men In Black: International

The Japanese version of Men In Black: International (June 14, 2019) brings the total of advertising art to 10. I looked at all of ‘em. They’re kinda okay, though I’d tell the movie studio to keep working on ‘em — they need more…doodling.