Archive for Godzilla

Superheroes, Godzilla, Chick Monsters and Dirty Harry

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Eyes

Spent all morning trying to get my hair to goon out like Giorgio Tsoukalos on the Ancient Aliens TV series. That guy has some serious follicle action goin’ on. My attempt to replicate and emulate didn’t turn out so well. Looks like I won’t be leaving my apartment until the lacquer wears off.

In the meantime, here’s some upcoming horror and sci-fi to make your hair stand on end…

THE EYES (April 7, 2017)
“Six strangers with unspeakable pasts wake up imprisoned in an abandoned warehouse and discover they are being forced to participate in an evil governmental experiment.  Five must die. One can live. And they have two hours to decide amongst themselves who survives. The clock is ticking and if they don’t decide…they ALL die.”

Overused plot #37. And being forced to participate in an evil government experiment? Well, heck — that’s called life. And The Eyes needs to get one.

Justice League

JUSTICE LEAGUE (November 11, 2017)
Fueled by his restored faith in humanity and inspired by Superman’s selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes — Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash — it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.”

The new trailers for Justice League has everybody frothing in their britches. (Mine were bubbling over every since the first Wonder Woman trailer.) DC, a little late to the superhero gang game, is nevertheless pulling out all stops to make JL a box office barn burner. And with footage of Wonder Woman changing into her costume, it should be.

Not sure why they included the semi-obscure Cyborg over Green Lantern or Martian Manhunter. But hey, they didn’t include me either as Yell Man. Super powers include expressing myself in hippie-scattering levels, planking upside down on the couch and staring at the TV without blinking for days on end. Abilities become more intense after powering up with a mystical potion (Budweiser™).

Godzilla — Monster Planet

GODZILLA — MONSTER PLANET (November, 2017/Netflix™)
Haruo, who saw his parents killed by Godzilla in front of his eyes when he was 4 years old, had only one thing in his mind for 20 years: to return to the Earth and defeat Godzilla. Shut out from the possibility of emigration, as the living environment in the ship deteriorates, the group of ‘Earth Returnists’ led by Haruo became the majority, and determines to head back to Earth through a dangerous long-distance hyperspace navigation. However, the Earth they have returned to has already passed the time of 20,000 years, and has become an unknown world with the ecosystem reigned by Godzilla.”

This one’s animated (i.e., cartoon). Still, it’s God-freakin’-zilla, man. I’ll take him in any form — except wood. A wooden Godzilla would probably burn his own tongue off when breathalyzing his radioactive flame belch. (Clams have that same effect on me for some reason.)

Lifeform

LIFEFORM (2017)
Hadrian Beckett, a molecular biologist working to bring his wife, Samantha, back from a brain dead state, creates transgenic super stem cells that are capable of repairing cellular damage. The cells save Samantha’s life, but Hadrian and Sam discover that she is slowly being transformed into a creature of pure instinct, one that is able to alter the shape of its body at will. Hadrian must find a cure before her sense of identity is completely subsumed by the beast within her.”

Not to be confused with the 1996 sci-fi movie of the same name. Then again the plot feels like a reworking of Deadly Friend (1986) with notes of Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993). So Samantha is turning into a creature of pure instinct and… The next words out of my mouth could get me in big trouble with every woman on the planet.

Maniac Cop

MANIAC COP (2018)
“A determined female cop sets out to reveal the truth after the LAPD attempts a cover up when innocent people are brutally murdered on the streets by a uniformed police officer.”

Maniac Cops

A remake. Before it: Maniac Cop/1988, Maniac Cop 2/1990, Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence/1993, all of which takes their lead from 1973’s Magnum Force starring the ultimate maniac (in a good way) cop, Dirty Harry.

Magnum Force

Godzilla = Winzilla

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 9, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shin Godzilla

With a mere four Oscars™, the gore slasher flick La La Land (2016) has nothing on Shin Godzilla (2016), which stomped away with SEVEN Japan Academy Prizes in Tokyo on March 2, 2017.

Shin Godzilla

Besides pocketing over $72 million fun coupons, which converts to over eight BILLION yen, Shin Godzilla snagged the awards for Best Picture and Best Director. I should’ve been for nominated for Best Fan. Since Godzilla has so many awards, maybe he’ll let me have one. That, or scrunch me into sidewalk paste.

Shin Godzilla

And to make your day even better than it was before you read that last sentence, Shin Godzilla is releasing here in the States on March 22, 2017. There’s a plus and minus to this joyous news: Comicbook.com reports that it won’t contain English sub-titles. (Toho™, who owns every radioactive/copyrighted particle of Godzilla’s DNA, is notorious for this jerk maneuver.)

Shin Godzilla

However, Funimation™, located in Flower Mound, Texas (that town name sounds naughty for some reason), will be releasing Shin Godzilla with all the pronounceable bells and whistles in October of 2017. The price? Who cares? It’s Godzilla, man! Even at eight billion yen, it’ll still be a bargain.

Alien Cats, Magic Boxes, Natural Disasters

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 11, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Zombie Cats From Mars

Doing my taxes while watching horror movies. Kinda the same thing. And like my taxes, here’s some upcoming horror movies you won’t get a refund after watching…

ZOMBIE CATS FROM MARS (February 14, 2017/DVD)
“Billy is a fan of vintage science fiction action thrillers. His only friend is Cameron, a nerdy film buff who tries to boost his confidence whenever he can. After seeing a UFO land, Billy retreats into his head, imagining that aliens are taking over the town. Cameron is skeptical, as is the rest of the town. Meanwhile, people are starting to die. Meanwhile, the killings continue. Billy, wrapped up in a world of fiction, discovers a story in which Martian Cats land on Earth and inflict horror upon the town.”

Great. Alien cats using Earth as a litter box. Still, kitty cats flying around in UFOs — that’s kinda cute. But like all things feline, they soon wear out their welcome. My solution for Billy is to go get Fluffy, that giant, three-headed slobbering dog from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001) to go all Cujo on ‘em.

Don't Kill It

DON’T KILL IT (March 3, 2017/VOD)
“An ancient evil is unleashed in a small Alaskan town leaving a trail of death and destruction as it passes from host to host. The only hope of survival lies with a grizzled demon hunter who has faced this terror before. Together with a reluctant FBI agent he has to figure out how to destroy a demon with the ability to possess its killer.”

Sounds a LOT like The Hidden (1987), i.e.: “An alien parasite with the ability to possess human bodies goes on a violent crime spree in Los Angeles. A human cop, Detective Beckett, and an alien cop posing as a young FBI agent Gallagher both pursue the parasite who frequently changes his human hosts.”

The Hidden

All they did was change locations and say that the alien parasite is YET ANOTHER ancient evil whoozit. While I’m not an alien (that I know of) or born of ancient evil (maybe a little), it’d be cool to be able to switch bodies. Just think of how many restaurants you could dine ‘n dash. Sweet!

Wish Upon

WISH UPON (June 30, 2017)
“17 year-old Clare Shannon is bullied in high school, embarrassed by her manic, hoarder father Jonathan and ignored by her longtime crush. All that changes when her father comes home with an old music box whose inscription promises to grant its owner seven wishes. While Clare is initially skeptical of this magic box, she can’t help but be seduced by its dark powers, and is thrilled as her life radically improves with each wish.”

“Clare finally has the life she’s always wanted and everything seems perfect — until the people closest to her begin dying in violent and elaborate ways after each wish. Clare realizes that she must get rid of the box, but finds herself unable and unwilling to part with her new-and-improved life — leading her down a dark and dangerous path.”

If I had a magic box that granted me wishes but left people bereft of life as a consequence, would I continue to use it? Only until the wishes were used up. (Sorry people closest to me — that in-ground swimming pool ain’t gonna build itself.)

The Quake

THE QUAKE (August 2018/Norway)
“Inspired by a 1904 earthquake in Oslo. Rather than embracing the ‘disaster porn’ aesthetic of films like San Andreas (2015), Norway’s The Wave (2015) was wonderfully restrained; the effects took a back seat to the human emotion, making it one of the best disaster movies to come along in recent years.”

Not much else to say about the ground shaking like Godzilla’s busted washing machine. I do, however, have a kicker line ready for ‘em. (Please deposit bit coins into my account to use it): The Quake — It’ll Crack You Up. I should be a millionaire. P.S. Wonder if they’ll name the sequel, The Quisp. Heh.

And the Award Goes To…Godzilla!

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Add an Oscar to Godzilla’s list of accomplishments. It was just announced Shin Godzilla (2016) has been nominated for Best Picture in the Japanese Academy Awards (aka, The Japan Academy Prize). Okay, so Godzilla hasn’t won it yet, but how could it not happen? For those of us lucky enough to have seen it, Shin Godzilla is the Citizen Kane (1941) of giant monster movies.

Japanese Academy Prize

Besides being the highest-grossing live-action Japanese movie of 2016, Shin Godzilla racked up a staggering 11 nominations in all: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Music, Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction, Best Lighting Direction, Best Sound Recording and Best Film Editing. They left out one: Best Poop Yer Pants Awesome Destruction and Mayhem.

Shin Godzilla

Even though the Japanese Academy Award/Prize trophy looks like a coffee table leg, it’ll sit nicely atop Godzilla’s fireplace, which just happens to be all of Tokyo.

Shin Godzilla

Unfortunately, we here in the States will have to wait until later in 2017 to get the movie on a variety of viewing platforms. I’ll no doubt buy them all. Twice.

The Horror of 2016

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, TV Vixens, UFOs, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 25, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Witch

“Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”

Best line in recent contemporary horror as whispered by the tempting, unseen evil thing in The Witch, one of the 2016’s least conventional but deliciously grim horror movies. I haven’t heard a line that good since “I know you are, but what am I?” from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (1985).

Supergirl

The second best line of dialogue of the year comes not from a horror/sci-fi movie, but from the TV series Supergirl: “It’s time to punch you in the face…” (Note to anyone not using glitter chapstick – Supergirl is faring far better under the CW™ tweener banner than it did with CBS™, who had no idea what to do with superheroes sporting abnormally perfect teeth and Clearasil Ultra Rapid Action™ complexions. This is CW’s™ wheelhouse, man.)

In a year fraught with horror (politics notwithstanding), there were more than a few genre movie and TV stand-outs. And while I’m a world famous (ahem) blogger of horror/sci-fi, this e-offering is not even close to being comprehensive and I am by no means an authority on the subject. (I’m an expert at being NOT an expert.)

Black Phillip Cider

Of the ton of big/low-budget genre movie/TV crap I’ve watched all year long, the following represents a few chunks of interesting crap therein. You don’t have to agree with me, though, just because I’m a world famous blogger [insert nervous cough here]…

The Witch, Train To Busan, Shin Godzilla

THE WITCH
This unforgettable chiller introduced horror’s best new figurehead: Black Phillip, the Danny Trejo (or “Machete”) of badass barnyard animals.

SHIN GODZILLA
F-word amazing. They gave reboot G several insanely cool upgrades while holding true to Godzilla’s original hairstyle, including his “one-blow-blows-up-all” destructo breath: purple-y AND flame-y. That’s pretty sweet. Shin Godzilla, almost all filmed in broad daylight, shows Godzilla doing what he does best: making smash hits. I’d buy his album.

TRAIN TO BUSAN
A South Korean zombie movie that mops the floor with every other zombie movie released this year. So ridiculously intense is this thing (passengers trapped on a speeding commuter train while zombies board without passes), you don’t need English translation. (I went legit and watched it without sub-titles. That’s how I roll.)

10m Cloverfield Lane, 31, Phantasm Ravager

10 CLOVERFIELD LANE
Was this a sequel to 2008’s Cloverfield? There are those who walk among us that say yes. Doesn’t matter — while the movie climaxed with alien stuff (if you didn’t already know that — ha!), it’s the premise of several super tense characters in a rural underground survivalist bunker (two of which are there involuntarily) that brings the real horror.

ROB ZOMBIE’S 31
Like him or not, Rob Zombie always makes stomach-turning, gritty and gory horror movies. This one puts a group of traveling carnival white trash performers in a huge maze inside a huge warehouse-y type building, facing off in a brutal do-or-die obstacle course with highly colorful and pretty darn mean maniacs (Doom-Head, Sick-Head, Schizo-Head, Psycho-Head, Death-Head, Sex-Head), all wielding power tools. Make it out of the building, you live. Sort of.

PHANTASM RAVAGER
Does this final installment of the surreal and beloved Phantasm franchise deliver the groceries? Yes and not yes. Given that it’s been nearly 20 years since the last one (Phantasm IV: Oblivion/1998) and brings back the original characters, all of which puts you in the zone, Phantasm Ravager still leaves a pile of unanswered questions, like what happened to Reggie’s 1971 Plymouth Barracuda (second only to the Batmobile in sleek coolness)? But hey, those iconic flying death spheres, aka, gasoline-powered sharp things? All over the freakin’ place.

Deadpool, Captain America: Civil War, Batman V Superman, Suicide Squad, Doctor Strange

DEADPOOL / CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR / BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE / SUICIDE SQUAD / DOCTOR STRANGE
Great year for great superhero movies. All of the above kicked ass to varying degrees of ass kicking. And Suicide Squad’s dementedly drop dead sexy Harley Quinn ranks with Deadpool and Black Phillip as a top genre icon of the year. (Godzilla’s already in the Hall of Fame, so giving somebody else a chance here.)

Harley Quinn

Honorary mention goes to Ben Affleck’s Batman, who puts the dark in Dark Knight. (He drinks the hard stuff, two syllable swears, horizontally smooches the ladies, takes pill-shaped drugs, beats people like drums then tortures/shoots them, and socks Superman right on his justice-shaped jaw. On top of that, he drives really fast and crashes into stuff. Batman gives driving lessons, not takes them.)

A few thoughts on some other this and thats…

Arrival, The Shallows, Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

ARRIVAL
Not just a good movie, but a great UFO movie that doesn’t rely on all out paranoid military warfare on our space brothers, who look a heckuva lot like seafood appetizers. P.S. to the Internet: I’ve seen nearly every UFO video on YouTube™ and they’re starting to look fake. I’m beginning to think UFOs aren’t real. But that’s probably just crazy talk.

THE SHALLOWS
You can still be the most heavy metal, human-gulping shark with extra teeth in the ocean, but you still take second seat to Blake Lively’s seat in a string bikini worn throughout the ENTIRE MOVIE.

FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM
An enthralling movie set in 1920s New York with wizards and a menagerie of off-the-hook mythical creatures and monsters, the likes of which have not been seen since the last WWE pay-per-view. Y’know, I bet Harry Potter fans might like this.

Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children, The Boy, Morgan

MISS PEREGRINE’S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN
In my day a home for peculiar children was called “summer camp.” A bunch of mutation kids with unique abilities: floating, projecting movies through eyes, starting fires by touching stuff, super strength, control of nature, and my fav, eating through a mouth on the back of your head. You could take down a Frisko Freeze™ double deluxe burger in one mouth while sucking down a chocolate shake with the other. I wouldst like to live deliciously.

THE BOY
Featured The Walking Dead’s walking gorgeous Lauren Cohan. I wasn’t aware of anything else in the movie. I think it had some sort of boy in it. I think he was a puppet, which is just plain weird.

MORGAN
A genetic experiment gone wrong — or right, depending on where you stand on a contemporary updating of Frankenstein (1931).

Independence Day: Resurgence, X-Men: Apocalypse, Star Trek Beyond

There were a few genre misfires this year, though, including Independence Day: Resurgence, (we need to issue a formal apology to extraterrestrials), X-Men: Apocalypse (yeesh, what a mutant mess) and Star Trek Beyond, which relied more on blowing up things than the story line. Speaking of, why do they have to keep exploding the USS Enterprise over and over? Man, I wanted to drive that thing.

Wonder Woman

So what do we have to look forward to from here? According to IMDB.com there’s approximately 1,000+ horror/sci-fi/fantasy/superhero movies (Wonder Woman – I await you) slated for release in 2017. Butt — meet couch. Like Doctor Strange, I’m looking through space and time (and Collider.com) for Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), Godzilla, King of Monsters (2019) and Godzilla vs. King Kong (hopefully before I croak). All the other stuff watched is what I’ll do to pass time/pass gas/pass out until those movies come to enrich my life.

Spend Christmas With Godzilla

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Kaiju Christmas Marathon

The awesomely awesome El Rey™ channel must’ve got a hold of my Christmas wish list. Their 3rd Annual Kaiju Christmas Godzilla movie marathon begins on Friday, December 23, 2016 and spans four days and 20 G-movies — over 96 hours. Could there possibly be a better way to celebrate the holidays? I think not.

Godzilla movies

The marathon begins with Gojira (1954) and crushes it from there. The timing is perfect — Godzilla: King of Monsters was announced as the official title of the next movie, scheduled for 2018/2019. Wish they could hurry up the release date to an hour from now. (Right after I have breakfast, basically.)

Gojira / Shin Godzilla

And for those who haven’t seen Shin Godzilla (2016), what is wrong with you? Just kidding — it had a small theatrical run, so you can be kinda excused for missing it. Unfortunately, no word on a U.S. DVD release date. But when it does come out, you won’t be able to play your song and dance card.

Godzilla Christmas

Don’t have the awesomely awesome El Rey™ channel but want to know how to get it? Want the full Godzilla movie line-up and start times? Click HERE to see what you’re getting for Christmas.

Godzillas

$40,000 Godzilla

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla

Have you ever wanted something so badly you’re willing to publicly down-on-your-knees beg for it. (NOT counting beer – I’ve been doing that for years.) I’m talking about owning my very own 6-foot tall Godzilla statue by Bandai, licensor of all things kaiju.

Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah

From the press release…

“A rare human-size Godzilla figure to tower over your life…”

“A random drawing decides which 10 fans get the chance to own this 3D-printed Godzilla statue (based on the design from the 1991 film Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah), which costs approximately $43,500.00.”

Godzilla

“Only 10 of these Design Coco™ 3D-printed statues will be made, with the chance to buy the giant Godzilla assigned through a random drawing. Bandai will take applications for the drawing on its Premium Bandai™ website starting November 7, 2016.”

Godzilla

$40,000+ big ones for the Big Guy might cause some among us to spazz out. But I recall a solid gold Godzilla statue about 14 inches tall sold for $1.5 million fun coupons back in 2014. Unfortunately, I was not able to buy it, even with a post-dated check. (Geez – I had proper I.D.)

Cold Hard Cash

So I have GOT to have this Godzilla statue. Anybody got a spare $43,500.00 laying around I could borrow? I have lots of post-dated checks already filled out…