Robo-Pillow, Mud Puddle Monster, House Ghost

The enduring sci-fi hit RoboCop came out in 1987 and was about a policeman murdered to death by criminals and brought back to life (or “revived”) by the mega-corporation Omni Consumer Products as a cyborg law enforcer or “robo-cop”. Unable to recall his non-mechanized life, he launches a violent, emotionless war on crime. Good — criminals deserve nothing less. Since then, RoboCop has been hailed as one of the best films of the 1980s and one of the greatest science fiction and action films ever made. And it was made for only $13.7 million robo-bucks.

RoboCop has two sequels — RoboCop 2 (1990), RoboCop 3 (1993) — as well as a remake in 2014 cleverly titled, RoboCop. And while you can get any variety of RoboCop action figures/models/sex toys (okay, I made up that last one), now, thanks to Toynk Toys™, you can get a RoboCop Enforcement Droid Series 209 — or ED-209 — plush toy. If you’ve seen the original RoboCop, the ED-209 is a heavily-armed robot that looks straight outta Star Wars. It was designed to assist law enforcement officers, but malfunctions and turns into a murder-bot, ala Westworld (1973). Yet another reason to buy it, which you can do here.

From the product description: “Law-breaking criminals of the future don’t stand a chance against this exclusive collector’s plush from the cyberpunk world of RoboCop. Part of OCP’s Enforcement Droid Series, ED-209 stands ready to eradicate crime via any means necessary, including the use of lethal force. You’ll appreciate this soft gray plushie’s menacing mechanical design, including its expressionless black domed head, deadly twin machine-gun arms, and unique stance. Manufactured for maximum crime-fighting carnage, you’ll enjoy every robotic snuggle from this ED-209 plush toy. Captured with finely printed details, this stuffed robot sentry is designed to look just like its on-screen counterpart, only a little more cuddly and a lot less dangerous.” P.S. The ED-209 plushy sells for $35.99 and ships May 1-3, 2024.

So while we all buy this thing and snuggle it while watching RoboCop (the original, not the remake), here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be full of crime-fighting carnage — or cotton…

THE KING TIDE / Out now (Theaters)

“After the mayor of an idyllic island village discovers a child with mysterious powers awash on their shores, the once peaceful community devolves into civil war, torn over the belief that the child is the next Saviour.”

So Tween Jesus storms the beaches and everybody freaks out and starts beating the faith outta each other. The first of many things wrong with religion.

THE BOGMAN / Out now (You Tube™/Tubi™)

“After inheriting a ranch from his uncle, Charles Williams, his two kids, and his new wife move to Mountain Bend, Arizona. They find the town is a Bigfoot tourism spot and over half the population are believers. After a few incidents, a local TV documentary crew arrive on the ranch to get a shot of the action. They all soon find out, that you can only push nature so far before it bites back.”

There are bogs in Arizona? An occasional mud puddle, sure. But a bog in a state that only averages 12.26 inches of rain a year even big enough to house a Bog Man? The need to move this movie to Seattle. (I live here and am surrounded by bogs…and bog people.)

FORECLOSURE 2 / Release pending 2024 (VOD, Tubi™)

“A new family moves into a neighborhood in hopes of meeting the ghost that lives in their home.”

A good idea to get on the good side of a ghost you’re sharing your home with. Less chance of the ghost watching TV too loud when you’re trying to sleep or taking a crap while you’re in the shower.

HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING / Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“A young man’s Christmas homecoming turns into a nightmare as a killer in a Santa suit gruesomely picks off his estranged, wealthy family for their fortune.”

Great — now the REAL Santa is gonna get blamed.