The world is going to Hell in a hand basket. People crossing the street without waiting for the “walk” signal… Cats texting dogs… Movie stars not making enough money… And peanut butter and jelly not getting along anymore.
In response, the Catholic Church, freaked out about all of this and the growing cases of demonic possession across the land, forms a secret organization to counteract EVIL, even though no one asked them to. (Just like the Catholic church to overreact – it could be just instances of hellish indigestion.)
The Cloth, an upcoming “action-horror story,” uses this for its pew-making plot. And it gets better – the story “follows a young godless man who is being recruited into the cloth.”
The fabric in question is designer clothes made Holy by someone ordained by the church who sprinkles God water on ’em (Dry-cleaning would be preferable.). Talk about a fashion faux paus; if you’re faithless, this cloth will clash with everything in your wardrobe.
As for the young godless man the church is trying to brainwash (only one?), he sounds like an upstanding citizen. My guess is that he’s actually the very demon the church is hoping to wipe clean, like some sort of blessed Scrubbing Bubbles™. I know what you’re thinking – wouldn’t a demon start sneezing and get runny eyes ’n stuff if he walked into a church? Yep. But it’s not like a demon sees the cross and needs to quickly find a restroom to park a righteous steamer. And while we’re on the subject, priest droppings smell simply unholy.
The Cloth is the next in a continuous line of demonic possession movies currently praying for big box office returns: The Last Exorcism/2010 (meh), Devil/2010 (Not bad. Maybe not bad enough); Insidious/2011 (Crap special effects and horror cliches aplenty); 11-11-11/2011 (Quite possibly the worst excuse for anti-religion since the last Slayer album); The Devil Inside/2012 (Evil lite). And because the world is going to Hell in a hand basket, expect more – or at the very least, sequels.
I need to find a sanctioned bathroom and pray to the porcelain god for relief from these types of movies. And this hellish indigestion I’ve been having.
The question isn’t whether or not illustrations of talking gorillas belong in the home, it’s how many people you have to step over to get ’em.
Next up are depictions of 
The final poster is a rendition of the famous
After watching
It disturbs me when filmmakers portray
But that’s exactly how
One can only hope
Meteorological Agency Monsterological Measures Department (
Since it’s really tough to get a good TV signal from Japan, you can now get the book version of
The press release goes on to say that “the
“I got a good idea – let’s make a
Since it’s doubtful you’ll be getting
So yeah, yet another stinkin’
I love it how movie studios/filmmakers rush to tell you how great their movie is before it even comes out. Everything from getting your friends with silly blogs (ahem) and industry insiders to toss out quotes like “It’ll scare the sh*t outta your orifice,” those who make movies do this to flag your attention as if needing help to change a flat tire.
Of all the annoying trends in filmmaking these days (besides zombies) is the “found footage” genre. And that’s all thanks to that wretched
My fondest wish in life (besides to hang out with
I’m not afraid of flying. I’m afraid of not flying. This is why I prefer to travel by canoe. Then there’s the sheer uncomfortableness of air travel (I could have said “discomfort,” but I just didn’t.) You have invasive airport security screenings (the TSA now knows all about my General Ursus
Still,
The one-sheets for both are also similar, featuring a bloody hand pressed against a coach-class window. Neither hand seems to waving at other passing airplanes, UFOs and/or cloud people, though. And both films borrow (i.e. rip off) the movie poster for 
Always wondered why some movies take so stinkin’ long to come out on Blu-ray™. What are you waiting for – permission? Take 


The Digital Revolution has given us moron proof, instantly-gratifying access to porn, impulse shopping and this blog. So it stands to reason the horror genre would benefit as well, allowing hardcore horror/sci-fi freaks, not unlike myself or your mother, to indulge countless hours of monster movie surfing in the comfort of your work place that you’re being paid to something else.
One of the more intriguing horror sites is
So how do people view your hand-held masterpiece? (The film, not, you know.) 