Archive for Atlantis

Aqua Army, Vampire Prisoners, The Listening Dead

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aquaman

Finally getting the first of what will likely be a million different key art posters for the upcoming Aquaman movie (December 21, 2018). They’re off to a good start — tons of sharks, whales and other toothy sea creatures that make up Aquaman’s liquidized soldiers of fortune.

Aquaman

I probably already posted this, but here is the plot again in case you need it to round out your bucket list: “Arthur Curry (Aquaman), the heir to the underwater kingdom of Atlantis, must step forward to lead his people and to be a hero to the world, just as his brother Orm seeks to unite the seven kingdoms against the surface world.”

Aquaman

Count me in as an aqua-ally. In fact, I’m already wearing my moisture-proof swim suit as we speak and am ready to kick some clam.

Aquaman

Here’s a crazy thought, however — where did Aquaman get his tattoos? It’s not like there are underwater tattoo shops within swimming distance. And with him being in the water all the time, wouldn’t the tattoos wash off every high tide? Mine come off every time I take a shower. (That’s the last time I spend all my hard-earned cash on rub-on tattoos. Apparently, quality stands for nothing these days.)

Superman tattoo

While I finish up my new Superman “S” emblem logo on my chest with a felt pen (let’s see Dove Men’s Body Wash™ make a dent in that), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not pollute one or more of the underwater seven kingdoms… 

Fanged Yp

FANGED UP (July 30, 2018/UK/DVD)
When self-styled absolute lad Jimmy Ragsdale makes a pass at his boss’ wife, the ensuing brawl seals the deal on a night he’ll never forget — locked in the halls of a hellish prison! Jimmy will have more on his plate than just tough Russian cell mate Victor, however. When the wardens unleash their true vampiric colors, the inmates find themselves caught in a bloody battle that is sure to prove just how ‘hard’ Jimmy really is.”

Absolute Lad. Sounds like a wanna be superhero sidekick with a corduroy cape. The boss’ wide must’ve been some looker in order to risk being locked up with a bunch of vampires. Then again, if you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win he Lottery.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween

GOOSEBUMPS 2: HAUNTED HALLOWEEN (October 12, 2018)
Halloween comes to life in a brand-new comedy adventure based on R.L. Stine’s 400 million-selling series of books.”

Watched the trailer — looks like they’re bringing back a lot of the “monsters” from the first film (Goosebumps/2015). I liked the Yeti, but the werewolf was/is my favorite. He/she/it seems just so darn fun. I bet he’d play fetch with you if you threw him a bone — with a human still attached to it.

Just A Breath Away

JUST A BREATH AWAY (aka, DANS LA BRUME/2018)
“A man and wife are desperately trying to save their daughter from a deadly toxic mist that has engulfed Paris after an earthquake. Only those lucky enough to escape to the rooftops of the city were able to survive; their daughter, who suffers from a genetic condition requiring her to live in a hermetic box that filters the air, is trapped below.”

The deadly toxic mist in Paris? This is what happens when everybody finally eats bowel-cleansing leafy greens instead of butter-fortified croissants for once in their unhealthy lives. Still, better than being stuck in a hermetic box with no access to butter-fortified croissants.

The Nightshifter

THE NIGHTSHIFTER (2018)
Stênio works the night shift at a morgue in a very large, very violent city. On the job, he sees cadavers in every conceivable state, often the victims of horrific gang warfare. While most would be rather unsettled by it all, Stênio is not. For the dead speak to him. Not in any metaphorical sense but in a very literal way. Stênio was born with an occult gift and while not everyone would be at ease conversing with mutilated cadavers on slabs, he has learned that there are endless secrets that can be gleaned this way. Related to crime. To prosperity. One day he learns a terrible secret about people in his own life. He commits the sin of acting on knowledge obtained from the dead, cursing himself and those dearest to him in the process.”

A mixed bag hanging out with cadavers. On one hand, they’re really good listeners. But the downside is they all smell like urinal cakes. 

Catching Salmonella From Fishmen

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Island of the Fishmen

Island of the Fishmen (1979/Italy – 1981/U.S.), a schlocky Italian creature feature – finally and conclusively solves one of mankind’s greatest mysteries – where the flippin’ flap is the lost city of Atlantis. I don’t have the exact coordinates, but it’s in the middle of the ocean, or rather, under the middle of the ocean, where a volcano made it sink. And it’s inhabited – by fish people.

Island of the Fishmen

A bio-scientist, doing his best Dr. Moreau impression, made the fish people. The ego-mad Republican who runs the island (complete with fully functioning live volcano) uses the aquatic acolytes to retrieve Atlantis’ submerged gold and ornate bookends.

Island of the FishmenThe scientist wanted to change everyone into fish to solve the world’s food problem. Ironically, if the ocean was loaded with fish people, we land walkers would never run out of food. Then all we’d need is bait shops and tartar sauce factories.

Island of the Fishmen

While this is going on, shipwrecked Lieutenant Claude de Ross washes up on the island and, after checking out the captive “too sexy for civilization” Amanda Marvin (who holds sway over the fish dudes), wants to snorkel in her sea grotto. (Yeah, I used that line before. So what?) But Edmond Rackham, the self-proclaimed ruler of said doomed island, wants to kill everybody and make off with the Atlantean gold while wearing a suit and riding around on a horse in humid tropical temps.

Island of the Fishmen

Fed up with this nonsense, the volcano gets its pyroclastic flow in a knot and is about to recreate history. With no more potion to control the fish people and the island about to blow, this thing turns into a last call party.

Island of the Fishmen

The fishmen, with claws that look EXACTLY like those sported by the Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), finally get the upper fin and dish out some sweet revenge. They also do something unexpected as the island is lava lamping. What some fishmen won’t do for a pretty land face.

Screamers

Of note: for the U.S. release, some American dumbass wanted to retitle the movie and named it Island of Mutations, then Island of Mutations, before settling on Screamers. I like Island of Mutations as it has a nice zing to it.