Archive for Screambox

Playing With Horror, Cow Trauma, Space Toilet

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , on January 7, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

When I was a foundling, the popular games of my day were “Spin The Bottle Rocket”, “Watching Paint Dry” and the gripping, “Chase A Parked Car”. But today’s kids are more sophisticated and need games that not only entertain, but engage the impatient mind as well. And game maker Steven Rhodes has just the thing for picky little brats who will never know the elation of playing “Rats In My Pants”.

From Cryptozoic Entertainment’s website: “From the mind of Steven Rhodes, a graphic artist and illustrator best known for his offbeat re-imagining of children’s activity books from the ’70s and ’80s, these three games immerse you in these hilariously dark retro worlds.”

“In Let’s Summon Demons, only the savviest (and luckiest!) player — the best Demon Summoner — will walk away a winner! In Don’t Talk to Strangers, navigate your kids from school and score as many points as you can before the neighborhood is completely overrun by otherworldly strangers!”

The best of the bunch is Let’s Call The Exorcist: “Dad has brought home a collection of rare artifacts from his latest excavation, and now pesky demons have possessed the children! The priest has devised a scavenger hunt to cleanse the house, but those dastardly devils won’t make it easy! Deduce your way to victory in this fast-paced game featuring secret roles and hidden cards. Reveal Holy and Cursed Artifacts, beneficial Blessings for instant points, and malevolent Mischief cards that mix things up!”

Individually, these games are $19.99 each (click here). But hey, why not go all in and get one of several sets of three for $59.97? I just ordered the set containing Cryptozoology for Beginners, Living Well Is the Best Revenge and the aforementioned Let’s Call The Exorcist. Can’t wait to let my friends watch me play ‘em.

While you replace your once treasured checkers with these new board games, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as stimulating as strip chess

SICK / January 13, 2023 (Peacock™)

“When the country locks down due to the pandemic, college student Parker and her best friend decide to quarantine at the family lake house alone — or so they think.”

Hope the slasher in the house keeps his face mask on, or else he might make the girls sick and die.

IN DREAMS / January 17, 2023 (Screambox™)

“A woman experiences a psychological spiral in the wake of her grandfather’s murder.”

I define a psychological spiral as watching the intestinal contents of an epic drinking binge swirl colorfully while being flushed. Wash all of life’s little problems down the drain. 

DAWNING / January 31, 2023 (VOD)

“A trauma therapist is forced to face her family’s darkest past when she returns to her childhood countryside farm to console her heartbroken younger sister.”

If I lived on a farm I’d need a trauma therapist, too. Those pink things dangling full on commando under a cow gives me recurring nightmares.

THE ARK / February 1, 2023 (SyFy™/Peacock™)

“The remaining crew of a spacecraft known as Ark One must become the best versions of themselves to stay on course and survive after experiencing a catastrophic event that caused massive destruction and loss of life.”

Catastrophic event — the space toilet got clogged and the wrongness overflowed all over the spacecraft. And they made a series out of this riveting storyline. Can’t wait for Season #2. Heh.

Space Trippin’, Corpse Cop-A-Feel, Intrusive Intruders

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Here’s another thing you didn’t know you needed: Relic of a Jupiter Tomb statuettes. How you thought you’d get through life without ‘em is the million dollar question. Or rather, $325.00, which is the cost of owning one of these crazy cool and colorful and limited to 300 worldwide art pieces. To sweeten the pot, each statuette is hand-painted and airbrushed by master statue craftsmen, making each individual piece unique.

So what exactly are these things? Looks like something a hippie would dream of while tripping on Grateful Dead-grade acid. The artist known as Skinner writes of the statue’s origins: “The men found the relic within the monolithic sarcophagus of Jupiter. They had been trapped for days now, the storm outside having destroyed their ship, leaving them stranded. It was lucky that their space suits had kept them alive this long, but the oxygen wouldn’t last another day…”

Which reminds me — I need to get that hole in my space suit repaired before heading to the store. These statuettes, though, come with a two-sided removable helmet, which can be flipped to present a different design on each side. They come in a “soft touch” collector art box and ship with a certificate of authenticity signed by the House of Gog guys. Preorder ’em here.

While you go rummaging around a monolithic sarcophagus on Jupiter (Uber™ doesn’t go there, so just take the Space Shuttle), here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not put YET ANOTHER embarrassing hole in your space suit…

THE ANCHOR / Out now (Screambox™)

“Sera, a nightly news anchor, receives a distressing phone call from a mother saying that a man is going to kill her and that Sera is the only one capable of solving her murder. When she discovers that the caller is real, Sera digs deeper into the case to reveal the shocking truth.”

The only calls I get are from guys with Indian accents named Jerry saying they’re calling from a tech support office in Ohio to tell me my computer is infected with a virus and that they can fix it for $798.00. Fairly priced. 

CONFESSIONS OF A NECROPHILE GIRL / December 2022 (DVD)

“Based on the true life story of American necrophile Karen Greenlee. Karen relives the most important moments of her life through a video diary, from childhood to first love and the scandal about her sexual attraction for corpses.”

Not sure where one draws the line with this subject matter, but if your bar is set high for watching live people have sex with dead people, give Nekromantic (1988) a loving gaze.

BERMUDA ISLAND / January 20, 2023 (Blu-ray/DVD/VOD/Select Theaters)

“Passengers on their way to a tropical paradise crash at sea and find themselves on a deserted island. Desperate to survive the elements and infighting between survivors, they find that the island has more in store for them than they could ever imagine.”

Like what exactly — exploding coconuts? Inflatable mermaids? Monkey butlers? Should be all of that.

GO AWAY / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Liz and her boyfriend Mark travel to a remote home in the woods to visit Sherry, her estranged mother. As Liz and the rest of her family try to put their differences aside long enough to survive dinner, an unexpected knock at the door turns into deadly chaos when a group of masked intruders take the family hostage and force them to play a deadly game of hide and seek.”

Social protocol dictates you call first before dropping by. Masked intruders can be so rude. 

Enfant Terrible, Kaiju Cadaver, Possessed Snow

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Child’s Play, the 1988 horror movie hit about Chucky, a serial killing 36” toy doll (made so via a voodoo soul transfer of the cutlery-inclined murder guy, Charles Lee Ray), has gone on to become one of the most successful horror movie franchises of all time. The scorecard: seven films, a television series, comic books, video games, micro-beer, and tie-in merchandise, generating over $250 million killer coupons. And Chucky, the “tiny tycoon of terror,” has impressive body count accomplishments that eclipse those of Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees and Halloween’s Michael Myers

So it makes perfect financial sense someone would do a Child’s Play documentary. Titled Living With Chucky, the doc comes out on Screambox™ in early 2023, and slices deep into the persistent popularity of the pliable puppet.

From the official press release: “Written and directed by Kyra Elise Gardner, Living With Chucky explores the roots of the iconic horror franchise and details the history of production, as well as focusing on Gardner’s own relationship with the series and what Chucky means to her. Not only is she a franchise super-fan, Gardner has a closer relationship to Chucky than most — her father is puppeteer and designer Tony Gardner, who worked on a number of Child’s Play films as well as leading puppetry on the recent Chucky TV series. Gardner even lovingly refers to Chucky as her “mass murdering 3-foot-tall redheaded stepbrother.”

So while we wait for Living With Chucky and the inevitable Chucky Condoms™ (rubber — get it?), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as resilient as killer Tupperware™… 

WHAT TO DO WITH A DEAD KAIJU / Out now (VOD)

“A large monster attacks Japan, but dies suddenly. While the people rejoice and bask in relief, the giant corpse left behind begins to slowly rot and bloat. If it explodes, the nation will be destroyed.”

A rotting and bloated corpse of a giant monster is about to explode and destroy the nation. I need that tattooed somewhere on my forehead.

ORBITAL / Pending release 2022 (VOD)

“Peter Randof uses his wealth to construct a massive ring around Earth. Destined to finish the project, the fully-constructed mega-structure leads to unforeseen consequences.”

Let’s re-frame this with a metaphor we can all relate to: the ring is the seat, Earth is the toilet. That established, you already know what the “unforeseen” consequences are.

SNOW FALLS / January 17, 2023 (VOD)

“After a winter storm strands five friends in a remote cabin with no power and little food, disorientation slowly claims their sanity as each of them succumbs to a fear that the snow itself may be contaminated or somehow evil.”

One only needs to reflect on the 1974 wisdom of Frank Zappa in regards to tainted winter weather: “Watch out where the Huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow.” Words to live by. Music to dance to.

SHELBY OAKS / July, 2023 (VOD)

“A woman’s desperate search for her long-lost sister falls into obsession upon realizing that the imaginary demon from their childhood may have been real.”

There’s no such thing as “imaginary demons.” Real demons are all over the place. Start with your bartender and go from there.