Archive for UK

Aqua Army, Vampire Prisoners, The Listening Dead

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aquaman

Finally getting the first of what will likely be a million different key art posters for the upcoming Aquaman movie (December 21, 2018). They’re off to a good start — tons of sharks, whales and other toothy sea creatures that make up Aquaman’s liquidized soldiers of fortune.

Aquaman

I probably already posted this, but here is the plot again in case you need it to round out your bucket list: “Arthur Curry (Aquaman), the heir to the underwater kingdom of Atlantis, must step forward to lead his people and to be a hero to the world, just as his brother Orm seeks to unite the seven kingdoms against the surface world.”

Aquaman

Count me in as an aqua-ally. In fact, I’m already wearing my moisture-proof swim suit as we speak and am ready to kick some clam.

Aquaman

Here’s a crazy thought, however — where did Aquaman get his tattoos? It’s not like there are underwater tattoo shops within swimming distance. And with him being in the water all the time, wouldn’t the tattoos wash off every high tide? Mine come off every time I take a shower. (That’s the last time I spend all my hard-earned cash on rub-on tattoos. Apparently, quality stands for nothing these days.)

Superman tattoo

While I finish up my new Superman “S” emblem logo on my chest with a felt pen (let’s see Dove Men’s Body Wash™ make a dent in that), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not pollute one or more of the underwater seven kingdoms… 

Fanged Yp

FANGED UP (July 30, 2018/UK/DVD)
When self-styled absolute lad Jimmy Ragsdale makes a pass at his boss’ wife, the ensuing brawl seals the deal on a night he’ll never forget — locked in the halls of a hellish prison! Jimmy will have more on his plate than just tough Russian cell mate Victor, however. When the wardens unleash their true vampiric colors, the inmates find themselves caught in a bloody battle that is sure to prove just how ‘hard’ Jimmy really is.”

Absolute Lad. Sounds like a wanna be superhero sidekick with a corduroy cape. The boss’ wide must’ve been some looker in order to risk being locked up with a bunch of vampires. Then again, if you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win he Lottery.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween

GOOSEBUMPS 2: HAUNTED HALLOWEEN (October 12, 2018)
Halloween comes to life in a brand-new comedy adventure based on R.L. Stine’s 400 million-selling series of books.”

Watched the trailer — looks like they’re bringing back a lot of the “monsters” from the first film (Goosebumps/2015). I liked the Yeti, but the werewolf was/is my favorite. He/she/it seems just so darn fun. I bet he’d play fetch with you if you threw him a bone — with a human still attached to it.

Just A Breath Away

JUST A BREATH AWAY (aka, DANS LA BRUME/2018)
“A man and wife are desperately trying to save their daughter from a deadly toxic mist that has engulfed Paris after an earthquake. Only those lucky enough to escape to the rooftops of the city were able to survive; their daughter, who suffers from a genetic condition requiring her to live in a hermetic box that filters the air, is trapped below.”

The deadly toxic mist in Paris? This is what happens when everybody finally eats bowel-cleansing leafy greens instead of butter-fortified croissants for once in their unhealthy lives. Still, better than being stuck in a hermetic box with no access to butter-fortified croissants.

The Nightshifter

THE NIGHTSHIFTER (2018)
Stênio works the night shift at a morgue in a very large, very violent city. On the job, he sees cadavers in every conceivable state, often the victims of horrific gang warfare. While most would be rather unsettled by it all, Stênio is not. For the dead speak to him. Not in any metaphorical sense but in a very literal way. Stênio was born with an occult gift and while not everyone would be at ease conversing with mutilated cadavers on slabs, he has learned that there are endless secrets that can be gleaned this way. Related to crime. To prosperity. One day he learns a terrible secret about people in his own life. He commits the sin of acting on knowledge obtained from the dead, cursing himself and those dearest to him in the process.”

A mixed bag hanging out with cadavers. On one hand, they’re really good listeners. But the downside is they all smell like urinal cakes. 

UFO Portraits, 14 Phobias, Grizzly Deaths

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

UFO Presences

There are at least two billion books on the subject of UFOs. (Statistically speaking, that means at least one book on UFOs is unfake.) Adding to that steaming pile of pics and reprinted newspaper articles is UFO Presences (by Javier Arcenillas/2018) has the distinction of being sold out in every Target™ store that stocked it. And all this time I thought Hanes™ Men’s Underwear was king of the cash register.

UFO

UFO Presences (published by Distributed Art Pub Inc. in hardback format), comes in an economic 115 pages for $22.48 (the MSRP is $35.00) and is more photo than recounting UFO sighting word barf. This is great news for those of use who would rather watch cartoons than read a newspaper. FYI: The book is still available on Amazon.com for $22.81 — but you have to pay postage. Looks like Target™ just gave Amazon the one-finger shipping salute.

UFO

While you can find the same photos online for free, one simple cannot have enough books on UFOs, if anything, to impress the ladies. If the subject of unidentified flying objects isn’t up Uranus, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not land you a second date…

Dogged

DOGGED (July 9, 2018/UK)
“When ten-year-old Megan Lancaster meets a grizzly and untimely end, Sam is forced to return to the remote tidal island where he grew up to attend the funeral. A testing relationship with his disconnected parents, a reunion with his estranged girlfriend Rachel, and a cryptic message from the island’s doctor force Sam to investigate the events leading up to Megan’s tragic death. The truth is far more shocking and unbelievable than Sam wants to acknowledge, and his life begins to spiral out of control in a macabre descent of paranoia. Sam must race against tide and time to expose the seedy underbelly of the island, and to save the lives of those he loves.”

This one’s been available in the UK since the year before this one (I forget what that is), and is now coming out on DVD. No American release scheduled as of yet, though looking over the hot mess that is the movie’s press release, I think I can pass the time watching paint dry for my viewing pleasures.

A Taste of Phobia

A TASTE OF PHOBIA (2018)
A Taste of Phobia features 14 International filmmakers as they peer into the twisted and often self-violent world of phobias.”

This one got me thinking about my own acute phobias. For instance, I have a fear of non-alcoholic beer, flying (actually, I have a fear of not flying), and getting probed by aliens while sober. (Not that I want to be probed in the first place, but I’d need to have a few drinks first, you know, to take the edge off.)

Being

BEING (2018)
Looked everywhere for the official plot, but couldn’t find one, though I did uncover a fun fact: E.T. stands not for “extraterrestrial”, but rather, “extra testicle.” Wheeeeee!

The Being

That gleefully said, avoid at all costs of harm to your health of confusing this with 1983’s The Being. That movie’s press release: “A mutated creature is wreaking havoc in a small town in Idaho. A police chief and a government scientist team up to save their rural town from its menace.” Sounds like they have it handled. Bravo, small town Idaho.

The Onania Club

THE ONANIA CLUB (2018/2019)
Set in Hollywood, Tom Six’s The Onania Club promises to be “one of the most vile, inhumane movie experiences of all time.”

The same could be said about my proctology exam results, except being set in the movie capital of the world. There’s nothing in that back lot Hollywood needs to see.

Soulless Hamburgers, Evil Churches, Infected Farmers

Posted in Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Burger King Halloween

I usually don’t get gooned out by stuff I’ve seen in movies. But in real life, stand back — barf-o-rama. In this case, the spew-inducing instigator is the new black Halloween hamburgers from McDonald’s™ and Burger King™ in Japan. The Mickey D’s hockey pucks have squid ink dyed hamburger buns. Whereas the Burger King buns sport not only a charcoal-esque pallor but black cheese as well. I just felt my throat contract.

McDonald's Halloween

Japan’s squid ink burger will set you back 370 yen, which translates to $3.40 U.S. bit coins/paper route money. This does not include tar milkshakes or burnt shoestring fries.

Burger King Halloween

The Burger KingBlack Ninja Burger actually has two spin-offs (or “sequels”): the Kuro Diamond and Kuro Pearl, which feature not just black buns, but slices of cheese and a tangy sauce that look dark enough to come from an H.P. Lovecraft novel.

Both hell-spawn sandwiches are available now if you live in Japan. For those of us not adventurous enough to stick one of those things in our collective black holes, will just have to settle for these just released and upcoming (and hopefully digestible) horror and sci-fi movies…

Scaler, Dark Spirit

SCALER, DARK SPIRIT (available now/VOD)
“A paranormal researcher is given video footage that reveals clues to an ancient evil residing in catacombs beneath the old city church.”

Reminiscent of John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness (1987), wherein a college theoretic physics team and professor with one squint-y eye investigates a sentient, swirly green liquid in a large glass mayonnaise jar in the basement of an old Catholic church. It turns out to be wet Satan, but those with a degree at first deduce it to be a septic tank for the church’s unholy leavings. Close.

Trauma

TRAUMA (2017)
“Four friends visit a rural locality of Chile, are brutally attacked by a man and his son. After not finding help in the town, they decide to confront these men with the help of a pair of policemen. But in this way, they will discover that their attackers have in their blood the direct legacy of the darkest period of Chilean history and will have to face the most brutal enemy.”

Try not to confuse this Trauma with about, oh, a dozen other movies with the same title, dating back to the ancient days of 1993. So you can watch this and have a bowl of Chile. Or not watch it and have a bowl of chili. Without beans.

3 Hours Till Dead

3 HOURS TILL DEAD (available now/VOD)
“An AWOL soldier with PTSD goes into hiding along with his brother and a few friends. They retreat into a rural farm area unaware that the outside world has ceased to function. On their way back to civilization, his brother is attacked by an infected farmer. He quickly morphs into a rabid animal and lives for exactly three hours. Realizing they are in grave danger, they head back to the forest trying to outlive the legions of the infected.”

This may have come out in the year 2016 on some sort of physical media, but these are things I know not of which I speak. That spoken, the be attacked by an infected, rabid farmer is not new. With all the chicken/cow/pig/horse dropping farmers get on their hands and then rub their eyes (probably due to hay fever), it’s a wonder we’re all not infected from the farm food those guys handle without using convenient moist towelettes and anti-bacterial soap from a push button dispenser. Still, a zombie farmer — that’s kinda neat.

Dead Body

DEAD BODY (2018)
“Several friends decide to celebrate their high school graduation at a lake house in the woods. One of the classmates recommends that they play the old-fashioned game of Dead Body. In the game, one player is ‘the body,’ one player is ‘the killer’ and all of the other players try to figure out whodunit. Unfortunately, on this particular night, the game ends up featuring a real-life killer. The bodies begin piling up and, in an ‘Agatha Christie And Then There Were None’ style mystery, the survivors are forced to figure out who the killer is amongst them — before there is no one left standing.”

This one’s been banging around the film festival circuit since 2015. Still, sounds like the classic board game Clue (called Cluedo in the UK), which first came out in 1949. I don’t think that one had a real-life killer in it, though. Those guys cheat all the time.

Werewolves, Vampires, Electric Sheep

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Halloween Horrorthon

Insanely cool ad art to promote the upcoming 2017 Halloween Horrorthon on Saturday, October 21 at the Cinema Arts Centre in Huntington, NY. Presented by the groovy folk at Retro Picture Show, the all night horror movie marathon is scheduled to include 35mm screenings of Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982), House of 1000 Corpses (2003), Scream Blacula Scream (1973), Psycho III (1986), Tourist Trap (1979) and Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (1974). All that’s missing are Horrorthon-branded pajamas and a mix ‘n match blankie.

Halloween Horrorthon

If you want the event poster, which designed by artist Marc Schoenbach and inspired by Halloween 3, its available as a 24” x 36” print, as well as a several versions of T-shirts. (What — no ’jammies?) And it won’t slash your wallet — most everything Horrorthon for sale is $20. Buy tickets to the marathon and e-purchase the goodie-goods HERE.

For those of us not within Uber™ spitting distance of Huntington, NY, here are a few just released/upcoming horror and sci-fi flicks that may or may not make you stain your jams…

Predatory Moon

PREDATORY MOON (available now)
Kyle Reading investigates an alleged bear attack where the survivor is showing unusual symptoms. Unfortunately for him, there is someone who sees an advantage to having a stranger in town who cries ‘werewolf’.”

Bears get all the credit every time someone sees something big and hairy in the woods. (Which is why I don’t venture into the underbrush to enjoy a private moment every now and again.) Even Bigfoot himself has been described as fake news and that he’s nothing more than a bear standing on two legs, all the while swinging his knuckle-dragging arms around as if on So You Think You Can Dance. Maybe its a were-bear. Common mistake.

Monsters Among Men

MONSTERS AMONG MEN (available now)
“An egocentric businessman awakens deep in the woods to find he has been abducted by a subversive group of vampires disguised and living among us. He must not only escape their clutches, but save his beloved girlfriend before time, the truth, and his kidnappers catch up with him.”

Geez, vampires desperate enough to kidnap egocentric businessmen? They must be really hungry to dine on corporate b-holes. Maybe we should open a blood bank and give all the vampires ATM cards. It’s the Christian thing to do.

The Virus

THE VIRUS (available now)
“A group of film students find a top secret test facility hidden in the wilderness. Unknown to them, the hospital was ground zero for a large-scale test of a truth serum based ten years earlier; a test that went disastrously wrong. Now infected with the deadly virus, the students fight against time, guards, each other and an inability to lie to find the truth.”

Cracks me up that scientists have been trying to develop a truth serum when alcohol has been doing a fine job of making people unbury their secrets since the dawn of time. In fact, I plan on having a six-pack of truth serum tonight.

Phillip K. Dick's Electric Dreams

PHILLIP K. DICK’S ELECTRIC DREAMS (2017/2018/Amazon Prime™)
“From the mind of the prolific sci-fi author, comes the new anthology series Philip K. Dick’s Electric Dreams. With 10 standalone episodes and a sweeping all-star cast, each epic story will explore fantasy, humanity, and a future we’ve only begun to imagine.”

Looking forward to this having been a fan of Phil back when I used to read. My first introduction was a high school book report on Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (1968). I thought I was gonna be reading about a sci-fi barnyard robot goat. Instead I got global thermonuclear war. Dang it. Cooler, though, are the sci-fi movies based on Dicky’s work: Blade Runner (1982), Total Recall (1990/2012), Minority Report (2002), A Scanner Darkly (2006), and The Adjustment Bureau (2011). P.S. This TV series, though, has already started airing in the UK. It’s on Channel 4 in case you live in the vicinity of a British television.

Affordable Sharks, Maniac Babysitters, Killer TV

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark Hotel

Shark Hotel, unfortunately, is not a real movie, though it should be. The homage to the old lurid VHS cover art was expertly designed by Rob Schrab.

There’s a real Shark Hotel, though. It’s in the UK (there’s also one in Sydney, Australia), and looks to be perfect for those traveling abroad on a budget made of shoestring. Here’s the bait: “Featuring marine-themed murals and mood lighting, the casual cabin-style rooms sleep up to 4 guests (2 in bunk beds), and include free Wi-Fi, flat-screen TVs, and tea and coffee-making facilities. Shark Hotel is on the edge of Fleet Lake within the Thorpe Park theme park. This quirky hotel with a shark-shaped entrance and is a 5-minute walk from Derren Brown’s Ghost Train and two miles from the M25 motorway. A breakfast buffet and parking are free, while fast-track access to rides is also offered. There’s an informal restaurant/bar.”

Shark Hotel

Sharks, ghosts, bunk beds and an informal restaurant/bar? This sounds like the British version of Disneyland. Whilst I rummage around for holiday shillings (probably some stashed under my kip — look it up), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as entertaining as an informal restaurant/bar or a British bunk bed…

The Babysitter

THE BABYSITTER (October 13, 2017/Netflix™)
“Cole is madly in love with his babysitter, Bee. She’s cool and awesome in all the ways Cole is not. One evening while Bee is babysitting, Cole witnesses the unthinkable. Now he must survive a night full of first kisses, first broken hearts, and first encounters with homicidal maniacs.”

So the object of Cole’s pants desire is a homicidal maniac. As babysitting techniques go, you can’t argue with its effectiveness.

Slasher: Guilty Party

SLASHER: GUILTY PARTY (October 17, 2017/Netflix™)
“In the remote Canadian winter wilderness, a group of former summer camp counselors are forced to return to the isolated campground to retrieve evidence of a crime they committed in their youth. Before long the group, and the camp’s latest inhabitants — members of a spiritual retreat with their own secrets to hide — find themselves targeted by someone — or something — out for horrific revenge.”

A masked killer with a sharp hunting knife is hunting down young girls for Cuisinarting purposes. Where have I heard that before? Oh, I know — about 3,000 same-themed movies ago.

All I See Is You

ALL I SEE IS YOU (October 27, 2017)
“Gina and husband James have an almost perfect marriage. After being blinded as a child in a nearly fatal car crash that claimed her parent’s lives, Gina depends on James to be her eyes-a dependence that appears to solidify their passionate relationship. It seems the only real hardship this loving couple faces is difficulty conceiving a child but when Gina is given the opportunity to have a corneal transplant and regains her vision, their life and relationship are upended. Gina now sees the world with a new sense of wonder and independence which James finds threatening. It is only when Gina suddenly begins to lose her sight again that she finally realizes the disturbing reality of their marriage and their lives.”

The lively Blake Lively stars in this one. Last time I saw her, she was being manhandled by a crazy mad shark (The Shallows/2016). Now it looks like she’s about to face off with a marriage shark. Those, I hear, are crazy mad.

The Murder Show

THE MURDER SHOW (2017/2018)
“A journalist’s search for clues leading to his sisters disappearance lands him on a disturbing hidden website inside the deep web called The Murder Show. He soon finds himself being stalked by the twisted psychopaths that run the site.”

There are twisted psychopaths on the Internet? Why in Steve Jobs’ name didn’t anyone tell me? I’ll have to be careful where I click and impulse shop.

Blood, Leather and Mom

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bloody Bits: Shorts Compilation

Still marveling over technology’s ability to stop a horror movie long enough for you to go to the bathroom, and then resume when you’re done. (Did you wash your hands?) Wonder if they make digital catheters, you know, to eliminate the middle man?

Anyway, here’s some plausible pause-ables…

BLOODY BITS (available now)
Black Fawn Distribution, in association with essential Canadian horror film festival Blood In The Snow (BITS), has released the brand new short horror film compilation entitled Bloody BITS – Shorts Compilation. The collection highlights seven of the film festival’s best short horror films and, in support of the DVD’s new release, which is currently available for order exclusively through blackfawndistribution.com.”

I like horror shorts. Not the ones I’m wearing, but the “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” mini movies that cater to my ADD. Normally, I’d just knock that condition into submission with six or eleven beers. But short horror movies achieve the same results, though not nearly as fun.

Leatherface

LEATHERFACE (available now/UK)
“Four wannabe actors take part in a horrifying reality show in which a serial killer stalks them in a remote cabin and their reactions are filmed for TV. The survivor of the week is promised $1 million and the starring role in their very own horror film. The only problem is the role of the killer is being played by a maniacal murderer who has been let out of an insane asylum to continue his reign of terror.”

This one’s a lawsuit-in-a-can. There’s already an official Texas Chainsaw Massacre spin-off called Leatherface (as deftly reported here back in October 2016) pending a 2017 release. This RIP-OFF Leatherface has been released in the UK and has nothing to do with the TCM franchise, even though the guy on the front looks deceptively similar, as does his choice of power tools. International wars were started over far less.

The Belko Experiment

THE BELKO EXPERIMENT (March 17, 2017/VOD)
“The American Belko company in South America is mysteriously sealed off at the beginning of a work day and its employees are ordered to kill each other or be killed themselves. This starts an escalation of violence, where we discover the true nature of each and every Belko employee.”

Corporate employees killing each other. So much for an HR department. Wondering though — if you get killed, does that take away from your accrued vacation time?

Killing Ground

KILLING GROUND (2017)
“Ian and Samantha arrive at an isolated campsite to find an SUV and a tent — no sign of the occupants. As night falls and the campers fail to return, Ian and Sam grow increasingly uneasy. The discovery of a distressed child wandering in the woods unleashes a terrifying chain of events that will test them to breaking point.”

Time to invoke the legally-binding “finder’s keepers” claim here and score yourself some new wheels and a portable roof over your head. Don’t be a douche — do the right thing and leave a thank-you note.

Borderline

BORDERLINE (2017)
“Maria and Silvia have lost their mother and they have decided to put her to rest in the nearby forest. One of the sisters becomes unhinged by the loss. Her mental instability leads to tragedy as the other sibling and others do their best to survive this dark encounter.”

Bigfoot’s not gonna cotton to you burying your garbage on his property. This also makes me wonder why the sisters are dumping no-longer-mom in the woods and side-stepping a formal funeral with all the bling? Maybe they were adopted.

Ghosts, Voodoo and Ex-Wives

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blackburn

I just figured this out the other day — it’ll take me 120 years to watch every horror/sci-fi movie ever made. And that’s IF Hollywood and all these do-it-yourself Scorceses stop making more of ’em right now; I don’t think I have much more than another 120 years left in me.

BLACKBURN (available now)
“A forest fire and rock-slide trap five bickering college friends in a small Alaskan ghost town with a horrifying history. When they seek refuge inside the torched ruins of Blackburn Asylum, they must fight to survive as the angry inhabitants slaughter the friends one-by-one.”

This one came out in the UK last September (2015, if you’re entering this in some sort of blog log). Why they got it before my zip code is a stunning affront to my community standing as a dumbass horror movie fanatic. Blackburn is another “ghosts in an abandoned insane asylum” story. On second thought, the UK can keep it as I’ve seen that SAME MOVIE 150,000 times. Give or take.

Voodoo

VOODOO (February 24, 2017)
“Dani, an innocent southern girl, is vacationing in Los Angeles to evade her increasingly complicated life. Once Dani arrives in L.A., she learns that trying to escape her past is not as easy as she had hoped.”

Makes you wonder what an “innocent southern girl” did that was so f’d up as to run away to Los Angeles, home of f’d up people with bad pasts, presents and futures. I bet as part of her chores she forgot to milk a cow and it exploded. Now there’s a movie I could get into.

The Ninth Passenger

THE NINTH PASSENGER (2017)
“There are eight partying college students aboard the luxury yacht owned by an evil biotechnology CEO, who’s the father of one of the passengers. The trip goes sideways when they drift to a dark island and both their engine and radio fail. At the same time “something” sneaks onto the yacht — the ninth passenger.”

Could the ninth passenger be an island seal with a penchant for human flesh? We eat seals, so it’s only fair they get a shot at our blubber for a change. Too bad the boat isn’t loaded with Eskimos; that’d be some epic payback.

Red Net

RED NET (2017)
“Internet hackers are looking for a missing man, but what they find are shocking videos in which a man is questioned and severely tortured by two mysterious women.”

Gonna toss this out there: They’re both his ex-wives. If so, the poor guy is beyond doomed.