Board With Friday the 13th, Marvelous Captains, Ginger Cannibal

In an homage to Friday the 13th (the iconic slasher horror movie that came out in 1980 and spawned 11 sequels, reboots, regurgitations), Antonio Ferrara and Sebastiano Fiorillo have created Last Friday, a board game that harkens back to F13’s enduring summer camp body count. And thanks to copyright obstacles, the game takes place at Camp Apache (standing in for Camp Crystal Lake), which is stalked by a mysterious killer referred to as the Maniac, suiting up for Jason Voorhees. Fortunately for the game developers, a hockey mask and machete can’t be copyrighted. 

Available through Ares Games™, Last Friday goes a little something like this: “Last Friday is a board game for 2-6 players wherein one player is the Maniac, hunting down (and sometimes fleeing from) the other players in a series of one-versus-all scenarios.”

Ooh, there’s more: “The game is divided into four chapters, each taking approximately 30 to 45 minutes to play. But players won’t just be retreading the same scenario four times. Each chapter presents a shift in the objective and even the roles of the hunter and the hunted, creating a cinematic trajectory appropriate to the game’s celluloid inspiration.” Glad they addressed that since Friday The 13th’s premise is classically repetitive beyond the point of parody (see “one billion F13 knockoffs.”) 

So while we get the game ($45.60 on Amazon™) and hope it isn’t a one-punch line premise, here are a few out now/upcoming horror sci-fi-fantasy adventure movies that may or may not have been edited with a non-copyright machete…

JANUARY / Out now (VOD)

“Who in their right minds goes into the woods in winter? Who knows what beasts roam in the snow? Two men and a bird, trapped in a snowstorm in the middle of nowhere, try to solve a mystery while it slowly devours them.”

This one’s in black and white and subtitled. I suck at multi-tasking, so it’s gotta be one or the other. (Because of that, I barely made it through the trailer.)

SHAZAM: FURY OF THE GODS / March 17, 2023 (Theaters)

“Billy Batson and his foster siblings, who transform into superheroes by saying ‘Shazam!’, are forced to get back into action and fight the Daughters of Atlas. They must stop them from using a weapon that could destroy the world.”

In 1941, The Adventures of Captain Marvel debuted as a 12-chapter movie serial. Billy Batson changed into Captain Marvel by invoking the timeless bar belch, “Shazam!”, the name of the ancient wizard that gave Billy the power to power up. In the 2019 movie Shazam!, they refer to him as Shazam and not Captain Marvel. Then, to mess with our minds, Captain Marvel — also released in 2019) came out, but this time the superhero is a gal who is constantly plugged in and doesn’t need to express a password to suit up. Yeah, not at all confusing.

THE MARVELS / November 10, 2023 (Theaters)

“Following the events of Ms. Marvel (2022), Carol Danvers and Monica Rambeau (Captain Marvel/2019) and Kamala Khan begin swapping places with each other every time they use their powers and must team-up to figure out why.”

So three female Captain Marvels. They should’ve called this movie, Shezam!

REDHEAD / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Cannibalism and depravity drive Autumn Blacksmith, now widowed, to engage in a relentless revenge binge. Will a possessing force drive her to kill every man around her?”

Wonder what took down her husband? Gonna go out on a limb here and say it was cannibalism with a dash of depravity.

Don’t Drain The Swamp

Really digging the promo hype around the Swamp Thing TV series re-boot, premiering May 31, 2019 on the streaming DC Universe™. Hardcore fans will no doubt recall a Swamp Thing TV series that ran on the USA Channel™ from 1990 to 1993. It was mildly interesting, bordering on “meh.”

But the new version teasers are hinting at Swamp Thing being a lot more like his comic book counterpart, meaning way more aggro, revenge-y and…really icky. And speaking of the comic books (debuting in 1972), nice job of the new Swamp Thing key art paying homage to issue #28 from 1984.

In case you didn’t read my January, 2019 bloggedy blog about the new Swamp Thing, here’s a refresher: “Abby Arcane, an employee at Atlanta’s Center for Disease Control, investigates what seems to be a deadly swamp-born virus in a small town in Louisiana but soon discovers that the swamp holds mystical and terrifying secrets.”

Besides the swamp being a sewer-away-from-sewer for Swamp Thing, you can bet that’s where all the Louisiana toilet sweepings end up. And you wonder why Swamp Thing is so p*ssed off all the time.

Horror Household, Elevator Sharks, Funny Zombies

The Addams Family started out as syndicated cartoon (1938), then a massively popular TV series (1964), an animated cartoon (1973), a TV film (1977), a second animated series (1992 — 1993), two big screen films (1991/1993), a touring theatre play (2017), a video game series, academic books, and soundtracks based around its Grammy-nominated theme song. Now the eccentrically macabre family gets yet another reboot as The Addams Family, a big-budget animated movie coming out October 18, 2019. To this date, my family has done none of the above.

Here’s the plot: “The family they faces off against a crafty reality TV host while also preparing for their extended family to arrive for a major celebration.”

Lots of celebrity vocal cords are lending their verbal skillz to this one: “Charlize Theron will voice Morticia Addams and Oscar Isaac is voicing Gomez Addams, with Chloë Grace Moretz as Wednesday Addams. The cast also includes Finn Wolfhard as Pugsley Addams, Nick Kroll as Uncle Fester, Bette Midler as Grandmama, Allison Janney as Margaux Needler, and Elsie Fisher as Parker Needler, the daughter of Margaux.

Chloë Grace Moretz, who voices Wednesday Addams, has in her vast acting resume, played a doomed kid in a haunted house (The Amityville Horror/2005), a vampire (Let Me In/2010), a werewolf (Dark Shadows/2012), a telekinetic prom queen (Carrie/2013), a mini superhero (Kick-Ass/2010, Kick-Ass 2/2013), and a freedom fighter defending Earth from aliens (The 5th Wave/2016). I hereby nominate her for an Academy Award for being awesome. 

Here’s a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as awesome as Chloë Grace Moretz…

THE SILENCE (April 10, 2019/Netflix™)
“When the world is under attack from terrifying creatures who hunt their human prey by sound, 16-year old Ally Andrews, who lost her hearing at 13, and her family seek refuge in a remote haven. But they discover a sinister cult who are eager to exploit Ally’s heightened senses.”

Wasn’t the idea of creatures hunting people animals by sound the premise of A Quiet Place (2018)? I can hear a lawsuit in the distance.  

THE DEAD DON’T DIE (June 14, 2019)
“The Dead Don’t Die is an upcoming American zombie horror comedy film, written and directed by Jim Jarmusch. It stars Adam Driver, Bill Murray, Selena Gomez, Chloë Sevigny, Steve Buscemi, Austin Butler, Tilda Swinton, Tom Waits, and Caleb Landry Jones.”

No plot just yet, but you could probably figure it out. It’s also being billed as “the greatest zombie cast ever disassembled.” That’s pretty dang funny.

47 METERS DOWN: UNCAGED (August 16, 2019)
“Four teens diving in a ruined underwater city quickly find themselves in a watery hell as their adventure turns to horror when they learn they are not alone in the submerged caves. As they swim deeper into the claustrophobic labyrinth of caves they enter the territory of the deadliest shark species in the ocean.”

The above art is actually a screen grab of an elevator in Vegas, which is a clever new way to advertise a movie. (There’s also a hilarious Child’s Play elevator as well.) I bet the elevator only goes down. 47 meters, is what I’m thinkin’.

ANNABELLE COMES HOME (June 28, 2019)
“Determined to keep Annabelle from wreaking more havoc, demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren bring the possessed doll to the locked artifacts room in their home, placing her ‘safely’ behind sacred glass and enlisting a priest’s holy blessing. But an unholy night of horror awaits as Annabelle awakens the evil spirits in the room, who all set their sights on a new target — the Warrens’ ten-year-old daughter, Judy, and her friends.”

Think we just found Chucky a new girlfriend.

Toying With Godzilla, A Nice Exorcist, Spider-Man On Vacation

Wanna get toys based on Godzilla: King of the Monsters about the same time the movie comes out on May 31, 2019? Thanks to NECA and Jakks Pacific (and available at Toy Ark), you can and should.

Toys or “Fun Talismans,” include Godzilla (duh) and his frenemies, King Ghidorah, Rodan and Mothra. On their press release, though, they said Fire Godzilla will also be included. Did they just send out a spoiler?

Most of the monsters will be 12 inches tall, with one Godzilla version twice that size, whatever that measures out to be. There will also be smaller versions and even a Godzilla mask in case you wanna goon out the neighbors.

While we make room in the toy box, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not goon out the neighbors…

ANIMAS (January 25, 2019/Netflix™)
“Alex is a confident girl with a strong personality and great tenacity. She’s very close to her best friend Abraham, to whom she provides constant help and support, as Abraham is a shy, withdrawn and insecure boy, mainly due to the complex relationship between he and his parents. But everything changes when Daniel — Abraham’s father — dies in a strange accident, the cause of which is unclear. From this moment on, Alex finds herself on a hallucinatory journey that takes her on a descent into hell, where the line between reality and nightmare becomes blurred to the point that Alex begins to question the foundations of her very existence.”

Descent into hell? Hallucinatory journey? The line between reality and nightmare becomes blurred? Sounds like Alex has been hanging out in the same bars as me.

THE GOOD EXORCIST (February 21, 2019/El Rey/VOD)
“A socially awkward but reliable exorcist attempts to remove a difficult demon from a ranch owned by an eccentric family in Texas. However, the demon proves to be more difficult than the priest assumed it would be.”

Since this is on a ranch, I totally bet the demon is cow. Hey, it’s got horns and shoots some sort of evil fluid from each of its four unholy dangle-y squirt gun type things under its swim suit area. Evil is pronounced “moo” in its hellish language.

SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME (July 5, 2019)
“Our friendly neighborhood superhero decides to join his best friends Ned, MJ, and the rest of the gang on a European vacation. However, Peter’s plan to leave super heroics behind for a few weeks are quickly scrapped when he begrudgingly agrees to help Nick Fury uncover the mystery of several elemental creature attacks, creating havoc across the continent.”

Just like the last movie (Spider-Man: Homecoming/2017, in case you forgot), the trailer for the new one is so ridiculously cool, you almost don’t need to see the movie. But you’ll just have to. And Spider-Man teaming up with Mysterio? I just webbed my pants.

THE CHANGE OVER (2019)
“Sixteen year-old Laura Chant lives with her mother and four-year-old brother Jacko in a low-rent suburb on the edge of earthquake-scarred Christchurch, New Zealand. Laura is drawn into a supernatural battle with an ancient spirit who attacks Jacko and slowly drains the life out of him as the spirit becomes ever younger. Laura discovers her true identity and the supernatural ability within her, and must harness it to save her brother’s life.”

There’s a place called, Christchurch? Sounds like a good place for a Holy war to me. That the place is actually real and is plagued by earthquakes makes me wanna move there and get a front row pew.  

Giant Monster Punchfest, Superhero Jamboree, UFO Boy

The latest key art for Godzilla, King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019) is almost as cool as the new trailer, which features all the kaiju monsters knocking over cities as if said cities were made of cement Legos™. (The bottom art was expertly done by art phenom Christopher Shy and you can actually buy it. Do so — today, if possible.)

So it’s to be a Battle Royale between Godzilla, King Ghidorah, Mothra and Rodan. The cards are already stacked against Godzilla’s foes, however. Hey, if your name is the title of the movie…

While we impatiently wait to see giant monsters violate each other’s bathing suit area, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi/superhero movies that may or may not feel like a punch in the groin…

US (March, 2019)
“A mother and a father take their kids to their beach house expecting to unplug and unwind with friends. But as night descends, their serenity turns to tension and chaos when some shocking visitors arrive uninvited.”

I bet the uninvited shocking visitors are electric eels. That, or some drunk frat boys. Got my money on the eels, though. Makes sense as it’s a beach house and electric eels — who are naturally shocking — hang out at the beach, like, daily.

SHAZAM! (April 5, 2019)
“Billy Batson is a streetwise 14-year-old who can magically transform into the adult superhero Shazam simply by shouting out one word. His newfound powers soon get put to the test when he squares off against the evil Dr. Thaddeus Sivana.”

YET ANOTHER superhero movie. Gotta say, the trailer, though, is pretty dang funny. With Shazam, Venom, Captain Marvel, The Wasp, Aquaman and Batgirl all being added to the superhero locker room, the pool is getting a bit crowded.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME (April 26, 2019)
“In the aftermath of Thanos wiping out half of all life in the Universe, the remaining Avengers must do what’s necessary to undo the mad titan’s deed.”

Didn’t nearly all of the Avengers die in the last movie? And as for Thanos wiping out half of all life — what’s wrong with the other half?

BRIGHTBURN (May 24, 2019)
“What if a child from another world crash-landed on Earth, but instead of becoming a hero to mankind, he proved to be something far more sinister? A startling, subversive take on a radical new genre: superhero horror.”

Superhero horror. Pretty sure that was already done with Venom and Spawn and Ghost Rider.

Loss Of A Real Superhero

Tattooed Superhero, Pentagon Aliens, Eating Planets

Going batty over the first released pic of Ruby Rose as the new Batgirl. Before she launches her own series, CW is gonna have her do pop-ups in The Flash, Supergirl and Arrow. (It’ll be called Elseworlds. Batman is gonna be so jealous.)

Ruby Rose, if you didn’t hear, is being touted as the first gay female superhero in the lead role. While CW already has several high-profile gay/lesbian characters in their superhero shows, this is further great news. And the stunningly attractive and badass Ruby — former Australian model, actress, and television presenter who is literally painted in tattoos — is an awesome casting choice. (You saw her in The Meg, yes? The shark wisely chose to swim in the opposite direction of her.)

While we wait impatiently for Ruby to turn criminals into prison fertilizer, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not be as cool as the new Batgirl…

ALIENS AT THE PENTAGON (available now)
“For years the US government denied investigating UFOs. But when an ultra-secret Pentagon program to study the Alien threat was exposed in late 2017, the world was stunned by this revelation. Nick Pope, aka ‘The Real Fox Mulder’, investigated UFOs and other unexplained phenomena for the British government. Now Nick exposes the secretive workings of the Pentagon’s real-life X-Files unit, using his knowledge and past experience to tell the incredible story as only a true government insider can.”

If you’re a fan of UFO documentaries like, um, me, then you’ll no doubt want to rent this one. But don’t buy it if you’re planning on being abducted by aliens in the near future. I’m still waiting.

HAUNTED (October 19, 2018/Netflix™)
“Netflix’s™ Haunted gives a chilling glimpse into the first-person accounts from people who have witnessed horrifying, peculiar, extraordinary supernatural events and other unexplained phenomena that continue to haunt them.”

The only horrifying event I’ve ever witnessed is the bar I’m in closing at 2AM. I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it. Then again, maybe it’s all that beer that’s giving me the trembles.

GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER (November 9, 2018/Japan | Netflix™ 2019)
“Last year, Toho and Polygon kicked off an animated trilogy with Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, which continued this year with Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle (now on Netflix™). The trilogy ends with Godzilla: The Planet Eater.”

Awesome title. And it suits Godzilla Earth perfectly as he can be seen in the previous two animated features biting into mountains as if they were Hostess Cupcakes™. So if he eats a planet for dinner, what might be a good side dish — a jungle salad, perhaps?

PET SEMATARY (April 5, 2019)
“Based on the seminal horror novel by Stephen King, Pet Sematary follows Dr. Louis Creed, who, after relocating with his wife Rachel and their two young children from Boston to rural Maine, discovers a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near the family’s new home. When tragedy strikes, Louis turns to his unusual neighbor, Jud Crandall, setting off a perilous chain reaction that unleashes an unfathomable evil with horrific consequences.”

If you saw the original adaptation (1989), it was pretty dang excellent, even if it was a spin on the Monkey’s Paw back-from-the-dead gut-punch. I don’t care as the trailer for the new one looks to continue the thrills, chills and doctor bills.

Malevolent Mermaids, Demonic Orphans, Evil Clams

Intrigued and bemused at the trailer for the upcoming superhero movie, Captain Marvel, premiering March 8, 2019, probably on some sort of movie screen. First, the plot: “Carol Danvers becomes one of the universe’s most powerful heroes when Earth is caught in the middle of a galactic war between two alien races.”

Cool that a woman has been cast as Captain Marvel. But as the word “captain” has been mostly used to rank men with that prefix, the title seems odd. (And yes, I know women have been and will always be captains. They’re probably better suited to captainize; just look at the hot mess that was Captain Ahab in Moby Dick/1851; that guy should never be allowed anywhere near a commanding post/harpoon.)

The trailer for Captain Marvel looks pretty cool and seems to deliver the superhero goods. So while we enthusiastically welcome this latest captain, here are a few now available horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth saluting…

MERMAID’S SONG (available now)
“Charlotte is coming of age during the 1930s depression, and along with her sisters, is struggling to keep the family business afloat. When gangster Randall offers to pay off the family debt, he demands some illegal changes to the business. But Charlotte, like her mother before her, is a mermaid capable of controlling humans with nothing but her voice, which creates a battle between all of those who want Charlotte’s magical powers for themselves.”

They had criminals way back in the 1930s? Who knew? And for the record, women — mermaids or not — have always been able to control guys with their voice. It’s called “nagging.”

HIDE IN THE LIGHT (available now)
“Siblings Kate and Todd lead a group of ‘Urban Explorers’ who amuse themselves breaking into places and exploring what society has left behind. When the group dares to break into the town’s abandoned orphanage, they quickly find themselves trapped inside the building. While fighting for their lives, they will realize that one of the deceased orphans and her demonic friend lurk within the shadows, thirsty for new blood.”

Why would deceased orphans have demonic friends? That’s like ordering a beer with a shot of lower shelf whiskey. And if Kate and Todd wanna see what society has left behind, they can break into my apartment. They’ll find me on the couch drinking a beer with a shot of lower shelf whiskey.

CALLING ALL EARTHLINGS (available now)
“A 1950’s Howard Hughes employee-confidante, George Van Tassel, uses alleged alien guidance and Nikola Tesla’s ideas to build a time machine — The Integratron. Is he deluded, or could it actually work? As waves of devotees join him in the California desert, the FBI gets involved fearing insurrection and possibly more. Nearing completion, Van Tassel’s tale and The Integratron meet an unexpected end: the ‘workings’ of the dome finally emerge. The unusual story is told by historians, astronomers and current residents of Joshua Tree, including the stewards of the Integratron, the Karl Sisters, and a galaxy of believers and skeptics alike.”

Word among the abducted is that this is a documentary. That’s like a movie based on real stuff. Gotta say, The Integratron is a slick name for a time machine. The best I could come up with is “1973 Chevy Nova”.

BLACK WAKE (available now)
“A series of deaths along the ocean is baffling scientists. As a detective discovers the crazed writings of a mysterious homeless man, one scientist realizes the threat may be an ancient force hell-bent on bringing madness to humanity.”

Again with the ancient forces. What bug crawled up their ass and died? Wonder if those forces are freshness-expired evil clams causing everybody to get anaphylaxis…

Anorexic Superheroes, Hipster Sharks, Fatal Photography

Been LOL-ing over the ongoing body shaming of The Flash. A leaked on set BTS photo showed actor Grant Gustin in his famous Flash costume that triggered countless dip-wads online calling him out for being too skinny. For a guy who has been known (in comics) to reach 13 trillion times the speed of light, it’s doubtful he could even run to catch a bus were it not for the Speed Force burning off all that accrued burger blubber. (Flash needs to consume 10,000 calories a day so he doesn’t go into a donut coma.)

There was a time, though, when The Flash got really tubby. It was issue #115 (1960) when Gorilla Grodd shot Flash with a chub gun that made him absorb the air’s moisture, swelling up to 1,000 pounds. He looked like walking water balloon. A big water balloon.

So while you chew on that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/TV shows that may or may not give you the runs…

FRENZY (available now)
“A group of millennial friends run a popular travel vlog that helps fund their adventures. Paige, the leader of the group, recently brought her younger sister Lindsey into the fold. Lindsey and another group member strike up a romance, quickly becoming the most popular members to their followers. To help boost viewership the group decides to take an illegal snorkeling trip to a beautiful cove. But when their float plane crashes they find themselves fighting for their lives when they are attacked by a pack of great white sharks.”

Yet ANOTHER shark movie. Not surprised; movie sharks work cheap and put swim suits in seats. Even as cliched and watered down the plot is, it would be highly gratifying to see the sharks make seaweed droppings out of the millennials (the new stupid term for dumb college students).

THE PURGE (September 4, 2018)
“Set in an altered America ruled by a totalitarian political party, the series follows several seemingly unrelated characters living in a small city. As the clock winds down, each character is forced to reckon with their past as they discover how far they will go to survive the night.”

Not seeing the point other than cashing in of making The Purge into a 10-episode TV series, especially after the sequels ran the one-note plot line into the ground: The Purge (2013), The Purge: Anarchy (2014), The Purge: Election Year (2016) and The First Purge (2018). The Purge, as you know, revolves around a 12-hour period that allows for penalty-free crime and killings to happen once a year. Isn’t that what happens in grocery stores practically every day?

SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET (2018)
“Skeletons in the Closet is a late-night, horror anthology television series featuring The Widow and her dead husband, Charlie. Each episode finds them providing hilarious commentary on a variety of B-movie horror films — some of which are terrifying. Their number one fan, a precocious 11-year-old named Jamie, never misses an episode. With her parents out for the evening, Jamie sits down in front of the tube to devour the delectable terror, but her favorite Friday night freak show is constantly interrupted by her annoying new babysitter, Tina. If they can survive each other, they may be able to survive the night!”

Um, where’s the threat that has the babysitter and the kid having to “survive the night”? Maybe someone goes postal when the TV runs out of juice.

DEADLY STILL (2018)
“A handful of teenagers have no idea what dark secrets are tied to the mysterious camera they stumble upon in a cabin in the woods, but it doesn’t take long for them to discover that those who have their picture taken meet a gruesome end.”

Wow — this sounds EXACTLY like the plot of Polaroid (2017): “High school loner Bird Fitcher has no idea what dark secrets are tied to the Polaroid™ vintage camera she stumbles upon, but it doesn’t take long to discover that those who have their picture taken meet a tragic end.”

How embarrassing that must be for all involved.

Aqua Army, Vampire Prisoners, The Listening Dead

Finally getting the first of what will likely be a million different key art posters for the upcoming Aquaman movie (December 21, 2018). They’re off to a good start — tons of sharks, whales and other toothy sea creatures that make up Aquaman’s liquidized soldiers of fortune.

I probably already posted this, but here is the plot again in case you need it to round out your bucket list: “Arthur Curry (Aquaman), the heir to the underwater kingdom of Atlantis, must step forward to lead his people and to be a hero to the world, just as his brother Orm seeks to unite the seven kingdoms against the surface world.”

Count me in as an aqua-ally. In fact, I’m already wearing my moisture-proof swim suit as we speak and am ready to kick some clam.

Here’s a crazy thought, however — where did Aquaman get his tattoos? It’s not like there are underwater tattoo shops within swimming distance. And with him being in the water all the time, wouldn’t the tattoos wash off every high tide? Mine come off every time I take a shower. (That’s the last time I spend all my hard-earned cash on rub-on tattoos. Apparently, quality stands for nothing these days.)

While I finish up my new Superman “S” emblem logo on my chest with a felt pen (let’s see Dove Men’s Body Wash™ make a dent in that), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not pollute one or more of the underwater seven kingdoms… 

FANGED UP (July 30, 2018/UK/DVD)
When self-styled absolute lad Jimmy Ragsdale makes a pass at his boss’ wife, the ensuing brawl seals the deal on a night he’ll never forget — locked in the halls of a hellish prison! Jimmy will have more on his plate than just tough Russian cell mate Victor, however. When the wardens unleash their true vampiric colors, the inmates find themselves caught in a bloody battle that is sure to prove just how ‘hard’ Jimmy really is.”

Absolute Lad. Sounds like a wanna be superhero sidekick with a corduroy cape. The boss’ wide must’ve been some looker in order to risk being locked up with a bunch of vampires. Then again, if you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win he Lottery.

GOOSEBUMPS 2: HAUNTED HALLOWEEN (October 12, 2018)
“Halloween comes to life in a brand-new comedy adventure based on R.L. Stine’s 400 million-selling series of books.”

Watched the trailer — looks like they’re bringing back a lot of the “monsters” from the first film (Goosebumps/2015). I liked the Yeti, but the werewolf was/is my favorite. He/she/it seems just so darn fun. I bet he’d play fetch with you if you threw him a bone — with a human still attached to it.

JUST A BREATH AWAY (aka, DANS LA BRUME/2018)
“A man and wife are desperately trying to save their daughter from a deadly toxic mist that has engulfed Paris after an earthquake. Only those lucky enough to escape to the rooftops of the city were able to survive; their daughter, who suffers from a genetic condition requiring her to live in a hermetic box that filters the air, is trapped below.”

The deadly toxic mist in Paris? This is what happens when everybody finally eats bowel-cleansing leafy greens instead of butter-fortified croissants for once in their unhealthy lives. Still, better than being stuck in a hermetic box with no access to butter-fortified croissants.

THE NIGHTSHIFTER (2018)
“Stênio works the night shift at a morgue in a very large, very violent city. On the job, he sees cadavers in every conceivable state, often the victims of horrific gang warfare. While most would be rather unsettled by it all, Stênio is not. For the dead speak to him. Not in any metaphorical sense but in a very literal way. Stênio was born with an occult gift and while not everyone would be at ease conversing with mutilated cadavers on slabs, he has learned that there are endless secrets that can be gleaned this way. Related to crime. To prosperity. One day he learns a terrible secret about people in his own life. He commits the sin of acting on knowledge obtained from the dead, cursing himself and those dearest to him in the process.”

A mixed bag hanging out with cadavers. On one hand, they’re really good listeners. But the downside is they all smell like urinal cakes.