Archive for occult

Teenage Wiccans, Alien Ghosts, Hair Metal Horror

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Here’s some wild, but not totally unexpected news: The CW and Warner Bros. are teaming up on Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, a remake of the hit comedy TV show, Sabrina The Teenage Witch (1996 — 2003), but with a darker edge. Kinda like what they did recently with Archie and Riverdale.

From the press release: “ This is a re-imagining of the origin and adventures of Sabrina as a dark coming-of-age story that traffics in horror, the occult, and witchcraft. The series is described as being tonally in the vein of horror classics like Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist and will see Sabrina wrestling to reconcile her dual nature as a half-witch, half-mortal while standing against the evil forces that threaten her, her family, and the daylight world humans inhabit.”

Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Wonder if Casper The Friendly Ghost will make a cameo? If so, hope they take the friendly part out and just have him mysterying up the hood while looking for the body of Casper the dead kid.

Until that day arrives, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies/TV series to conjure on the tube…

Ghosted

GHOSTED (October 1, 2017/Twitter)
Leroy Wright is a cynical skeptic and former missing persons detective, who thinks that ‘aliens’ are a big ’ol bunch of B.S. and that people who believe in them are certifiably nuts — people like Max Jennifer. Max is a genius true believer in the paranormal who’s convinced his wife was abducted by aliens.”

A new comedy “ghost-busting” TV series on Fox™, premiering first on Twitter™ of all things. The trailers look pretty funny — like I do after a night of imbibing (sorry — word of the day calendar), so I guess I’ll watch it. But not on Twitter — I’m gonna watch it on TV like everyone should legally do.

Dead Ant

DEAD ANT (October 10, 2017)
“When the one-hit-wonder glam metal band Sonic Grave embark on a trip to Coachella in hopes of a comeback, their peyote trip pit stop in Joshua Tree incites an ‘unworldly’ viscous attack, and they must rock themselves out of harms way.”

Poison

“Rock themselves out of harms way.” Sounds like the story of my life. Hair metal fans will see the rip-off/homage of Maybelline™ models Poison’s 1986 Look What The Cat Dragged In debut album on the key art. I’ll watch it, but just know that my mantra is “thrashin’, not fashion.”

The Sandman

THE SANDMAN (October 14, 2017)
“With a clandestine government agency closing in on the young girl, Claire and Madison will have to work together to find a way to stop the Sandman before he claims his next victim. Factor in the sinister Valentine who leads a cadre of bureaucrats who do not mean well and soon, strange things start happening whenever Madison is around. Things move around by themselves. Cabinet doors open and close. Almost as if there’s some kind of supernatural entity in the house. It’s a journey you’ll have to fully experience to understand.”

Sounds like 1984’s Firestarter, wherein a little girl who can make things burn just by using her mind, is chased by those looking to apply her skills to a job in the government. I say give the little gal a bag of marshmallows and make snacks happen.

Blood Runs Thick

 

BLOOD RUNS THICK (2018)
“A beautiful young woman struggles with frightening hallucinations and a crumbling mental state after her husband goes missing.”

Horrible movie art. Looks like it was done by someone who was hallucinating and in the grips of a crumbling mental state. Hey, I just described ME!

Old Witches, New Demons, Modern Zombies

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead Official Cookbook

There’s an ironic aspect to the AMC’s official cookbook (and survival guide) from The Walking Dead as the only meals on the menu are humans — and they’re eaten tatare, not cooked. Yeah, TWD had non-zombie people butchering other non-zombie people and grilling the succulent carved butt roasts for their protein needs. Unless you came up with a marinade or spices to flesh out (sorry) the flavor, you don’t really need a cookbook. Just heat and eat.

While you chew (sorry) on that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not cleanse the palette…

The Cured

THE CURED (September 9, 2017)
“In the aftermath of a devastating virus which transformed the infected into zombie-like monsters, Mankind is struggling to rebuild societies deeply divided between the uninfected and those who did succumb to the virus and are still haunted by their violent actions. In the backdrop, the rise of a terrorist movement threatens to plunge the world into chaos again.”

This one was formerly titled First Wave. Glad they changed it as it sounded like a surfer movie. The premise echoes that of the The Returned (2013) French zombie movie and subsequent TV series. A thought — if you substituted “virus” with “beer” you get the same results.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER (October 27, 2017)
Steven, a charismatic surgeon, is forced to make an unthinkable sacrifice after his life starts to fall apart, when the behavior of a teenage boy he has taken under his wing turns sinister.

A charismatic surgeon? I bet he’s a real cut-up. Heh.

Demons

DEMONS (October 6, 2017/VOD)
“A psychological thriller that marries elements of The Exorcist, The Shining and The Big Chill, Demons tells of a celebrated fiction writer and former priest who, along with his wife, are tormented by the ghost of her late sister, as the details of her grisly death are slowly uncovered.”

When they say “marries elements of…”, it usually means ripped off. But what do you expect from a premise so overused, they could’ve bought the script from Goodwill™.

Pyewacket

PYEWACKET (2017/2018)
“A frustrated, angst-ridden teenage girl awakens something in the woods when she naively performs an occult ritual to evoke a witch to kill her mother.”

Had to look up “Pyewacket” as it seemed like a made-up word, like “gummy bear” or “Lake Titicaca.” Turns out it’s an actual ghost of a witch, famously outed by Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins back in March of 16444 in the town of Manningtree, Essex, England. I guess this makes Hopkins the first Ghostbuster.

Hell Kids, Hell Zombies, Hell Stuff

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stranger Things 2 / A Nightmare on Elm Street

As you/me/I/us/them/they wait IMPATIENTLY for Stranger Things 2 (premiering Friday, October 27, 2017), news comes down the super fun happy slide the surprise horror hit has already been renewed for a third season. I needed some good news after waiting all day for that !@#$ “once-in-a-lifetime” eclipse to somehow destroy the world. (I know the eclipse was for free, but dang — I feel gypped.)

The new Stranger Things 2 key art is a slick homage to 1984’s A Nightmare on Elm Street. When you think about it, sleep slasher Freddy Krueger’s dream state world is the ‘80s version of Stranger Thing’s The Upside Down alternate universe/dimension/golf course. Regardless, I’ll have to go back to hoping for Melancholia to smash into this toilet Earth for my world-destroying fantasies.

While we wait for that planet to pinball ours, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies to help cope with the disappointing, non-destructo eclipse

Little Evil

LITTLE EVIL (September 1, 2017/Netflix)
“Gary just married Samantha, only to find out that her 6-year-old son is the Antichrist.”

This horror comedy sounds fun/ny. But if the kid is the son of the Antichrist, does that men Samantha is the Mom Antichrist, or is this one of those, “it takes a village” things?

Hellriser

HELLRISER (October 9, 2017/UK)
“When their city is rocked by a series of brutal occult murders, veteran detective John Locke and his young partner Terri Keyes are forced to put aside their differences and follow the trail of evidence to a formerly abandoned asylum, where the new owner Dr. Unnseine is conducting his own brand of Nazi-inspired “medical research” on the unwilling inmates. One such inmate, the sexy but deadly Annie Dyer, may hold the key to the murders — and to the doorway to Hell itself — if only Locke and Keyes can stay alive long enough to discover what it is.”

Dawn of the Dead / Land of the Dead

As much as you’d think this is one of those Asylum Studio rip-offs, it is, unfortunately, from another source of rip-offery. Obviously, the title is lifted from Clive Barker’s Hellraiser (1987). Then there’s the “When there’s no more room in Hell…” kicker line on the key art, a bold shoplift from 1978’s Dawn of the Dead. Wondering why the filmmakers didn’t just put it all on the glass and have the zombies wearing Goth leather and walking around with nails in their heads, like those teens at the mall.

Hagazussa: A Heathen's Curse

HAGAZUSSA: A HEATHEN’S CURSE (2018)
“Set in the 15th Century in the Austrian Alps, Hagazussa takes us back to a dark period when pagan beliefs of witches spread fear into the minds of the rural folk exploring the thin line between ancient beliefs, magic and delusional psychosis.”

Ancient beliefs, magic and delusional psychosis. That may be f’d up for those in the Austrian Alps, but for me it’s just another night at The Poggie Tavern. I like witches, though. The sexy ones on TV, not the stinky kind at the bar who smell like room temperature Steel Reserve malt liquor.

Still/Born

STILL/BORN (2018)
“Mary, a new mother who lost one of her twins in childbirth, struggles with the loss. She starts to suspect something sinister is after her surviving child — a supernatural entity that has chosen her child and will stop at nothing to take it from her.”

They kinda hand this one to us one a parsley-garnished platter — the “supernatural entity” is the twin that didn’t make it to market. (A theory, not a conclusion.) By the way, do you want me to tell you what you’re getting for Christmas?

Cults, Co-Eds, Contamination, Cataclysm

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Satanic

Is it just my imagination or are there horror movies being made all the time? Seems like I can’t get out of bed without stepping in a wet pile of new genre flicks. Don’t these filmmakers have day jobs? Wish I could sit in a tall chair all day and yell “Cut”! through a huge megaphone. That’d be sweet.

That implied, here are four new horror flicks (as if this e-blogging) to goose up your Halloween before Christmas decorations go up the day after.

SATANIC (October 4, 2016)
Satanic follows a van full of young, college-aged coeds who are visiting old Satanic Panic-era sites in Los Angeles. They end up following the creepy owner of an occult store home, only to find themselves saving a suspicious girl from an apparent human sacrifice. Only this ‘victim’ turns out to be much more than dangerous then the cult from which she escaped.”

College-aged co-eds. Sounds like an oxymoron, with emphasis on the moron. Does this make it chick horror? Of course it does.

Antidote

ANTIDOTE (October 21, 2016)
Antidote takes place in a plague-ridden, post-apocalyptic world. Here, a man and woman face unimaginable horrors. When he suddenly becomes infected, they have to contend with the fact that the only possible cure slowly drives him mad.”

How come the future is always post-apocalyptic, plague-ridden and…oh, that’s right –Republicans.

The Curse of Doctor Wolffenstein

THE CURSE OF DOCTOR WOLFFENSTEIN (October 25, 2016)
“80 years ago, the diabolical Dr. Victor Wolffenstein wanted nothing more than to be immortal. His tireless quest led him to create a vaccine that did just that, but also infected his body with a flesh-rotting form of necrosis. As the doctor’s limbs literally fell apart, he tried to replace them by using the crudely removed arms and legs of the local villagers who, in order to stop Wolffenstein’s reign of terror, captured him and buried him alive for his crimes.”

There’s more, including five present day teens who f’up and resurrect Wolffy who gets his mutilation on. I have zero pity for them. This one promises to be “the ultimate experience in violence and gore.” If you’re gonna go around calling yourself Wolffenstein, I’d expect nothing less. That, or start a metal band.

Terrortory

TERRORTORY (October 31, 2016)
Terrortory is an anthology horror film in the vein of Creepshow and Tales From The Crypt. It features six horrific tales set in the mythical region of Maryland known for an abundance of strange happenstances and urban legends.”

Watch this one free on Amazon Prime™ October 1, 2016 – October 31, 2016. And as for Maryland being known for “an abundance of strange happenstances and urban legends,” clearly they haven’t been to the Poggie Tavern™ during last call.

The Family Ghouls

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The House of Seven Corpses

Watching 1974’s The House of Seven Corpses (featuring eight graves) is comparable to a sitting down to a Thanksgiving dinner with family and relatives: lots of arguing, some bloodletting, and a big turkey at the center of it all.

The House of Seven Corpses

So this horror movie film director is making a movie about the infamous Beal Mansion and the family who were the sacrifice party victims of occult mis-doings. Points for setting the mood.

The House of Seven Corpses

But the sticky part comes when the director wants the reluctant cast to re-enact said rituals/incantations from best-selling Tibetan Book of the Dead (available on Amazon.com – no kidding), which ends up resurrecting one of the family ghouls who shows up to coach the actors on how to die with more realism. Talk about your killer cameos – heh. [Note: This might be where The Evil Dead (1981) got the idea to do the SAME THING.]

The House of Seven Corpses

The zombie has his work cut out – there are 14 main characters, all of whom barely get along. Not helping that the director is constantly yelling and brow-beating his actors into emoting. (He’s actually more of a dick than a filmmaker.) But it’s the ghoul that squeezes the performance out of the dwindling actors/actorettes/everyone else.

The House of Seven Corpses

Best part: a school/graveyard fight between the director and a cameraman at the end – lens dude gets flipped into a freshly dug grave and through the magic of cinema, rises up as an icky dirt zombie. He crawls out and pursues his choke-worthy adversary so slow as to let turtles whiz by.

The House of Seven Corpses

The House of Seven Corpses has a great title. Not much more than that, unfortunately, even though a ton of horror movies after ripped it off. Kinda like people who dress like you. (Sometimes I hate being a fashion icon.)

Monopolizing Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Fantasy, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 10, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Cthulhu Monopoly

Movie and TV themed Monopoly™ games have been around for years. And while the graphics get slicked up, game play is still the classic “buy/sell/buy/go to jail.” (It’s almost a certainty that whoever ends up owning Boardwalk and Park Place and built hotels on ’em will win every time. Unless you’re like me and load up on utilities. Hey, I had insider information…)

My dubious financial acumen aside, Monopoly™ has been around since the early 1900s (with the first Parker Brothers version coming out in 1933), and is the most popular and successful board game of all time, making about one trillion dollars a year. Give or take.

Cthulhu

So no big surprise that Entertainment Earth™ is offering limited themed editions of the game, the latest being Cthulhu Monopoly™, based on the dark workings of horror forefather, H.P. Lovecraft. Check out this action…

“Set foot for Miskatonic University, and battle it out with other Cthulhu occultists to find out who truly is the Great Old One among you. This Cthulhu Collector’s Edition Monopoly™ game features fun Cthulhu and H.P. Lovecraftian style imagery, plus game tokens straight from the Cthulhu mythos. The winner of Cthulhu Monopoly™ shall be deemed most like the Great Old One and the most fit to inherit his mantle. Whether you win or not, you lose and become one of Cthulhu’s mindless zombies.”

I must own this game, no matter what. You – and me – can pre-order now for a December 2015 release for only $39.99. (Good thing it isn’t $40.00 as I need that coin to invest in railroads.)

The Walking Dead Monopoly

And for fans of more zombies, there’s The Walking Dead™ edition Monopoly™. Instead of going to jail on a bad dice roll, you get your face eaten off. Neat!