Archive for Midnight Pulp

Killer TV, Medically-Trained Zombies, A Storm of Clowns

Posted in Evil, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Killer Movie Channel

In a sea of horror/sci-fi movie streaming channels, now comes a potential heavy hitter in the blandly named The Killer Movie Channel. Found on Roku™ and other platter platforms, TKMC seems to hit most of the right notes and is reasonably priced after a free trial: $3.99 a month/$36.00 year. For a horror movie junkie like myself, this is a good business model.

The Killer Movie Channel

Going through their offerings, if you’re a horror freak, you’ve likely seen 99% of the movies featured. And even though they seem to have a decent selection/somewhat deep catalog, you might give Shudder and/or Midnight Pulp a try. Way more content and a bit more expensive, but not a wallet buster — unless you eat from garbage cans and whatever’s stuck to the underside of a Waffle House dining tables.

Find The Killer Movie Channel HERE. And here’s a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not stick to the underside of Waffle House dining tables…

The Cleanse

THE CLEANSE (May 4, 2018)
Paul Berger, an unemployed, down and out, is a heartbroken man searching for happiness. When Paul sees an ad for a spiritual retreat promising to restart your life, he immediately signs up, hoping to cleanse himself and fix his broken life. But after only a few days, he discovers the cleanse is releasing more than just everyday toxins…a lot more.”

If you’re a down and out heartbroken man with a name like Berger — which awesomely sounds like “burger” — then your priorities are all out of whack. And as for releasing more than everyday toxins, isn’t that what everybody eventually does after eating a Taco BellXXL Grilled Stuft Burrito? (Note to anyone brave enough to eat at TB — go for the Power Menu Burrito; a little less “impactful” on the plumbing.)

Feral

FERAL (May 25, 2018)
“A wild animal attacks six medical students on a weekend hike in the woods. One by one, they become infected with a ‘feral disease’, turning them into rabid, bloodthirsty creatures, and the vacation becomes a nightmare as they fight to survive each other.”

Doesn’t say much for the “medical” students if they can’t even treat being infected by gangsta pine cones and/or poisonous raccoons. So does this also mean they have to drop out of med school for becoming rabid, bloodthirsty creatures? If so, Kinkos™ will take ‘em.

Upgrade

UPGRADE (June 1, 2018)
“After his wife is killed during a brutal mugging that also leaves him paralyzed, Grey Trace is approached by a billionaire inventor with an experimental cure that will ‘upgrade’ his body. The cure — an Artificial Intelligence implant called STEM — gives Grey physical abilities beyond anything experienced and the ability to relentlessly claim vengeance against those who murdered his wife and left him for dead.”

Sounds like a mash-up of The Six Million Dollar Man (1974 — 1978) and RoboCop (1987). I’d rather have stretchy powers, like Plastic Man or Gumby, though. Bonus: I’d be waterproof!

Clownado

CLOWNADO (pending crowd-funding)
“A one of a kind thrill ride into the depths of depravity and gore! Believe it or not, it is a Horror Film Noir, with crazed killer Clowns on a rampage from Hell, out for revenge and only BLOOD can quench their savage desire for destruction! Be ready for one twisted and scary adventure!”

Funny title. I feel compelled to contribute to their fundraising campaign, especially when they hit my mental joy-buzzer with words like “depravity”, “gore” and “savage desire”, which bartenders comment when I slobberingly order bottle after bottle of Budweiser™.

Italian Reanimator, Repeatable Stabbing, El Rey TV

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 16, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Happy Death Day

Just discovered the Robert Rodriquez El Rey™ TV channel is no longer available through Sling TV™. Thinkin’ this isn’t a big loss as El Rey has been subjecting us to increasingly lazy programming and is nowhere near the grindhouse/bullets & brawlers/cult horror channel it promised to be. Example: El Rey keeps falling back on endless re-runs (with endless commercials) of bland stuff like V, Miami Vice, Air Wolf and Night Rider to be the channel’s meatloaf filler. And their Creature Feature Fridays? Intentional b-grade fare — like we all haven’t seen Gremlins (1984).

Best to stream channels like Shudder, Midnight Pulp and/or FrightPix (warning — LOTS of commercials that lock up on you) for your horror/sci-fi/grindhouse needs.

Speaking of which, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi you may or may not need. (Who are we kidding — we need horror all the time to escape from the horrors of reality.)

HAPPY DEATH DAY (October 13, 2017)
“A college student who relives the day of her murder with both its unexceptional details and terrifying end until she discovers her killer’s identity.”

Yeah, you’re probably thinking the horror version of 1993’s Groundhog’s Day (but with less stink gophers). But it sounds more like “Monday,” that riveting The X-Files episode (1999) in which a girl has to relive her loser boyfriend’s bank robbery attempt, ending in ka-BOOM! over and over. (Note to money selfie: Do NOT go into banks frequented by criminals dressed in dynamite, however stylish of the times.)

Herbert West: Reanimator

HERBERT WEST: REANIMATOR (2017)
“West is destroyed by a huge loss and he wants to defeat death in order to have his beloved ones back. It’s just a different perspective but with the same result: lots of experiments with lost of failures and lots of reanimated and very aggressive corpses.”

Like Cheetos™/pork rinds in the cupboard, a few points of interest: First, this is the Italian take on Re-Animator, which came out over three decades ago. Secondly — and this is from the director: “Herbert West: Reanimator is a modular project. We start with a web series, them we’ll have a TV series and at the end of the journey we’ll have a feature film.” You had me at Cheetos™.

Desolation

DESOLATION (2017)
“A mother takes her son and her best friend on a trip into remote wilderness to scatter his father’s ashes; they must confront their fears when a lone hiker begins following them.”

So a lone hiker is shadowing mom and company while they go to kick dad in the ash hole? The filmmakers might be intentionally trying to mislead us; what if the lone hiker is merely a park ranger with a dust pan? I’ve said it before — a clean forest is a happy forest.

Who’s Watching Oliver?

WHO’S WATCHING OLIVER (2017/2018)
“A mentally unstable loner is lost in a life forced upon him. By night Oliver aimlessly wanders the streets and bars on what can only be described as a truly shocking and humiliating killing spree. His only savior and possible way out of a life he is desperate to escape comes in the form of the beautiful Sophia with her sweet eccentricity and naivety to the danger she has put herself in.”

Not sure how this is even a movie. Doesn’t this stuff happen in real life all the time? Why pay to see it — just hang out with mentally unstable loners in dive bars and dark streets. I’ll meet you there.

Devil Dolls, Witch Wedding Crashers, Sharks

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Heidi

Been toying with the idea to do a run-down of all the streaming horror/sci-fi movie chanels. Turns out there’s a lot, so that means work. I’ll probably call in sick so as to not work. Shudder™ tops the short list of good ones, but it can’t match YouTube™ for its unlicenced use of practically every horror movie ever made in broadcast quality ranging from beer goggles to bent antenna. Anyway, try Midnight Pulp, American Horrors and/or Frightpix (warning — if you don’t pay Frightpix’s admittedly cheap subscription, you’re gonna have to endure a commercial every two minutes.)

Speaking of wading in crap, here’s a few upcoming ones to consider stepping in…

HEIDI (Available now)
“After investigating a neighbor’s attic, two high school pranksters are increasingly plagued by a series of disturbing, supernatural events involving a creepy, vintage doll named Heidi. As she stalks them day and night, no one will take their claims seriously until it is too late.”

An odd trend in horror movies these days, using painted wooden dolls as the source of all which plagues non-painted/non-wooden citizens. It came back with the Puppetmaster series and got more mileage with Annabelle from The Conjuring franchise (the doll now has its own stand-alone film coming out in 2017). Its moderate success spread to horror lite flicks as The Boy (2016) and The Doll (2016) to rat out a few.

This is nothing new; possessed dolls go way back in time and have a long history of gooning out people who own them. The one that got to me as a kid was that messed up Zuni hunting fetish doll in Trilogy of Terror (aka, Terror of the Doll) back in 1975. Soiled my Underoos™, I did.

7 Witches

7 WITCHES (April 14, 2017)
“As their big day approaches Cate and Cody should be celebrating, they’ve got their family with them, and rented an island for the big day. Unbeknownst to them their wedding falls on the day when a 100 year old curse comes to fruition. Instead of celebrating they find themselves fighting for their lives as a coven of witches rise for revenge.”

Time to fire your wedding planner. Geez, of all the things to disrupt the happiest day of your life (for a few months, anyway), you’d think it’d be a drunk relative and not a flippin’ witch. Wonder what the witches will give the bride as a household wedding gift — a broom? Heh.

Sharknado

SHARKNADO 5 (August 6, 2017)
“With much of North America lying in ruins, the rest of the world braces for the inevitable — a global sharknado. Fin Shepard and his family must put a stop to this disaster before Earth is completely obliterated.”

Man, this joke has worn itself so thin, it should be shown on wax paper. The best — and worse — part of these Sharknado droppings are the C-list “celebrities” lining up with make cameos inside the shark’s mouth. I don’t know if I’ll be flattered or insulted if they ever get around to calling me.

Nails

NAILS (2017)
Dana Milgrom, a track coach who, having survived a near-death car accident, finds herself completely paralyzed and trapped inside her own body. While recovering she becomes convinced that an evil presence exists inside her hospital room and is intent on killing her. Believing her to be experiencing a mental breakdown, Dana’s family brush away her concerns. Becoming increasingly terrified, Dana soon realizes that she may not be the only target. Unable to leave her bed, she risks losing the ones she cares for most.”

If you’re seeing an evil presence in the hospital, it may be time to up the morphine drip. Then you won’t care who the entity goes after. High or not, it’d be really funny if the evil presence tripped over a full bed pan. Just thinking about it is making me LOL.