Archive for the Nature Gone Wild Category

Ape Kings, Vacation Snakes, Social Demons

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

This is way better than that Christmas thing — Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is in the works for a 2024 release. This makes my banana tingle, what with being a PoA fan since my birth in a dense jungle.

Here’s what is known thus far: “The story takes place after the events of War for the Planet of the Apes (2017), and continues to follow Caesar’s legacy.”

Caesar, if you were inexcusably unaware, is the first ape to talk, and subsequently, talk back. He’s the guy who organized a revolt against presumably tick-free humans in 1972’s Conquest for the Planet of the Apes and made household pets out of them. (Shortly thereafter, there was a run on bigger litter boxes.)

The Planet of the Apes universe started with La Planète des singes, a 1963 book by French guy, Pierre Boulle. To this day, no one knows how to pronounce his last name. What followed were nine movies, a cartoon and live action TV series, as well as a planet of comics, books, video games, toys and swag. King Kong was bitch-ass jealous.

While we throw feces around waiting for this movie to get made (in solidarity with zoo monkeys who fling their poo because zoos won’t give ’em a ball to play with), here are a few upcoming horror movies/sci-fi that may or be compared to an extra-large litter box…

DEINFLUENCER / October 1, 2022 (Digital/VOD)

“Kelly wakes up to find that she is being held hostage by a masked kidnapper and needs to complete a series of social media challenges to ensure her safety.”

The social media challenges are necessary: Cancel your Facebook™, Instagram™, Twitter™ and Tik-Tok™ accounts, quit taking fish-lip selfies and posting ‘em for other fish-lips to see, and trade your smart phone for a freakin’ life. 

PYTHON ISLAND / October 4, 2022 (DVD)

“In a village where snake-catching is the livelihood of most of the local populace, a magical tree grew. Because of the tree’s benevolence, it saved one small snake from the villagers and named it “Little Flower.”

“Many years later, Xiaoshu has become a biological researcher, exploring the secrets of genes. Unfortunately, his colleagues with ulterior motives use the power of the magical tree to break into a forbidden area by ​​the snake-catching village: the island where intruders are eaten alive. The island is filled with moisture and weirdness, and it seems there are eyes everywhere; staring at every move made by intruders.”

“Filled with moisture and weirdness.” Are they making fun of me? This movie was released in China in 2021 under the title, Behemoth Anaconda. I once saw a porn movie with the same name. Didn’t have any magic trees in it, but it did have quite a stump.

DON’T F–CK IN THE WOODS 2 / October 11, 2022 (Digital)

Follows Don’t F–ck In The Woods (2016). The counsellors at Pine Hills Summer Camp are getting the grounds ready for the upcoming summer season. A mysterious girl shows up, weak and scared from a previous encounter with a vicious creature that killed all her friends. Little do they know that something followed her to the camp and things are about to get slimy and bloody.”

Misleading title. I fell for it the first time. Not this time.

RISE OF THE BEAST / December 6, 2022 (Digital/VOD)

“A group of activists break into a corporate facility they know unsolicited animal testing has been taking place. They discover unimaginable horrors but don’t realize until they’re captured the true extent of what it is they’ve been experimenting with. In a race against time to survive, they must escape friend, foe, and a mutated ape if they mean to get out alive and expose this to the world.”

You don’t wanna monkey around with a mutated ape. Vegan or not, those things will eat your face off. 

Scary Real Estate, Revenge Trees, Honey Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pant-wetting fans of Stranger Things have a chance to own one of the rarest pieces of memorabilia from the massively popular horror series: the actual house the beleaguered Byers family lived in while their zip code was being plagued by a stinky Demogorgon from the Upside-Down. Feel free to wet your pants now.

For mere bus change, the Byers house at 149 Coastline Rd, Fayetteville, GA, lists on Zillow™ for $300,000. As you already know, it has two bedrooms, 1 bath and is 1,846 sqft. This includes the six Demogorgon-infested acres the house sits on. Affordable, but here’s hoping you don’t get…upside down…on the mortgage payments. Heh.

Even though the place could use some upgrades, like a pool that Barbara Holland could go swimming in (okay, THAT was funny), it’s a “Byers market” (I’m on a roll), and it can be yours by clicking HERE.

While you’re getting pre-approved for a home loan, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be worth $300,000…

HAUNTED TRAIL / September 27, 2022 (VOD)

“A group of college friends visit a local haunted trail. After many screams and a few nervous laughs, an actual killer approaches the group. Scared out of their minds, the friends run through the trail, trying their best to get to the end without being killed. After much of the group is slaughtered, the remaining friends make a horrific discovery about who the killer really is.”

Generic college kids. Generic masked slasher. Generic extra-large knife. (Made, ironically, for slicing bologna/baloney). I think they downloaded the script from cookiecutter.com.

FEED ME / October 27, 2022 (VOD)

“Following the death of his wife, a broken man spirals into an abyss of night tremors and depression and finds himself in the home of a deranged cannibal who convinces him to take his own life in the most horrific way imaginable.”

Wonder what taking his life in the most horrific way imaginable means? Given the movie’s title, it can only be one thing — he has to eat kale.

THE KILLING TREE / November 1, 2022 (VOD / DVD)

“On Christmas Eve, a scorned widow casts an ancient spell to resurrect her executed husband. However, when the spell goes wrong, the husband is brought back as an evil Christmas tree. Hell-bent on getting revenge on the one who caused his execution, the body count keeps rising as the Tree hunts her down.”

Resurrected as a Christmas tree. That’s a new one. A snowman or Elf on a Shelf, sure. But this one suggests they don’t care about winning an Academy Award™. (It’s like they’re not even trying.) But hey, at least he’ll come back with ornamental balls. Ahem.

WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY / Pending release 2022

“During his childhood, Christopher Robin befriended Winnie-the-Pooh, Piglet, and their friends, playing games and also providing them with food. As he got older, his visits grew more infrequent, as did the food supply, causing Pooh and the others to grow increasingly hungry and desperate.

When Christopher went to college, the visits stopped completely, causing Pooh and Piglet to become completely feral and unhinged, resulting in Eeyore and the others getting killed and eaten at some point. Now, Christopher has returned to the forest alongside his new wife, hoping to introduce her to his old friends. Feeling betrayed, this results in them going on a murderous rampage for human flesh as they antagonize a group of university girls who are occupying a rural cabin.”

Beloved childhood characters are now the new hot properties for horror filmmakers/directors bereft of ideas. Example: The Banana Splits Movie (2019), turning the previously lovable Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snorky into axe murdering murderers.

Before you pooh-pooh this idea, hear me out: Saturday morning kids show icon H.R. Pufnstuff (given his last name, maybe the “HR” stands for “Huge Refer”) could be revamped as a drug dealer, selling jazz cabbage and turning his cult followers into day-glo colored hippie zombies. Note to Hollywood — I’ll be pitching a comprehensive one-page script as soon as I finish watching Heckle and Jeckle: A Murder of Crows.

Exploding Heads, Lake Kaijus, Witch Sweaters

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 24, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Scanners is an 1981 Canadian science-fiction horror movie made infamous by graphically exploding heads. I approve of that sentence. Now, four decades later, it’s being turned into a series on HBO™ (Head Blow Up — heh). One question — why the swear word did it take this long?

The original plot: “A scientist trains a man with an advanced telepathic ability called ‘scanning’, to stop a dangerous Scanner with extraordinary psychic powers from waging war against non scanners.”

In a direct nod to Scanners, on Season Two and Three of The Boys (on Amazon Prime™ — why aren’t you watching it now?), has a Supe (super-powered individual) merely willing functioning skulls — and whatever they’re connected to — ka-boom like lasagna-filled balloons.

A Scanners series is in the works now, which means it’ll be awhile (guessing a week or so sometime next year) before we get to see it. In the meantime, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not make you crave a steaming paper plate of noggin lasagna…

THE LAKE / Pending release US 2022/2023 / Out now in Thailand

“A mysterious monster rises from the Mekong River, attacked Bueng Kan and cuts off people from the outside world. Officials, including Chinese scientists who came to conduct research in Thailand, mobilize to catch this crazy monster before it’s too late.”

The movie is in Thai. Thailand is home to 71 living languages. That means 71 different ways to order Singha, a soapy but not-without-its-charms green bottle beer. That said, you actually don’t need to understand the dialogue as the crazy monster is freakin’ cool. And, if you haven’t heard, that freakin’ thing is exclamation point crazy. Watch the trailer on YouTube™ if you don’t believe my crazy wordles.

CROC / October 4, 2022 (VOD)

“Lisa and her family unite at a wedding venue, excited for the big day. However, unknown to the family, a nest of hungry crocodiles has been living in the nearby lake. As the crocodiles crash the wedding in a blood thirsty massacre, the remaining family members must survive the night against these Jurassic beasts.”

In an ironic twist of fate, all the ‘til-death-do-us-part guests taste like a screaming wedding cake. Ingredients: butter, sugar, eggs and legs.

DON’T LOOK AT THE DEMON / October 7, 2022 / Limited

“Led by a troubled medium, an American television crew of paranormal investigators go to the home of a couple who claim to have experienced inexplicable, threatening disturbances. Delving into the mystery, they encounter possessions and apparitions more terrifying than any they’d witnessed before — actual contact with the other side. As the cameras roll and bodies are possessed, they’re inevitably overwhelmed by this violent supernatural force.”

Sounds like last call at The Tug Tavern, the violent supernatural force not attributed to sweet/refreshing beer, but rather those $1.00 freshness-expired pickled eggs in that fingerprint smeared jar behind the bar next to light bulb-heated cashews (also $1.00). Stomach-churning, and yet patrons are drawn to ’em as if caught in a paranormal vortex. This NEVER ends well.

TWO WITCHES / Pending release 2022

“A pregnant woman is convinced she has been cursed by a witch, while another woman, with violent impulses, hopes to inherit her great-grandmother’s powers. Two generations of witches and the dire consequences for those who cross their path.”

Sounds like we’re in store for an epic witch-slap. I wish I could’ve inherited powers from my great-grandmother. All I got was a sweater.

Killer Beer, Fat Shaming Horror, Pond Monster

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Chucky: A Killer Wit Beer™, a limited brew based on Chucky, the skull/wise-cracking serial killer doll made icon status in Child’s Play (1988), is now available for quaffing purposes.

From the press release: “Just like the devious doll it’s inspired by, this pumpkin witbier with cranberry will be your friend ’til the very end. Saturated with blood-red cranberry juice and entangled with pumpkin mangled into a puree, the beer is light in color with spine-chilling flavors of chamomile and cinnamon – the perfect combination of everything you love about the season.”

Chucky: A Killer Wit Beer is a limited release and collaborative beer between Elysian™, USA Network™ and SYFY™, brewed in celebration of all things Halloween, horror and Season 2 of Chucky, a continuation of the iconic film franchise chronicling the murderous escapades of the notorious killer doll.”

Beer that tastes like pumpkin, cranberry, chamomile and cinnamon? Shouldn’t this be sold at a Nordstrom™ perfume and deodorant kiosk? While you contemplate sucking down a case or two or making scented candles out of it, here are a few horror movies that may or may not be an affront to your palate…   

NIX / September 27, 2022 (VOD)

While Jack Coyle struggles to keep his shattered family together, a strange and powerful entity reveals itself again, opening the wounds for another tragedy to occur. As Jack deals with the consequences, he also must protect his young niece from this frightening creature, which threatens to destroy everyone.

They really need to put more effort into naming powerful entities/frightening creatures. “Nix” sounds like a stain-remover. But if they’re stuck with that moniker, how about a modifier, like Metaverse Nix, Ranch-Flavored Nix or simply, Nix Extreme?   

V/H/S/99 / October 20, 2022 / Shudder™ 

A thirsty teenager’s home video leads to a series of horrifying revelations.

Um, what exactly is a “thirsty teenager”? Thirsty for what? Certainly not Smart Water™ as no amount of A.I. added to expensive tap water could do anything to improve any teen’s cognitive abilities. What’s left — Fanta Piña Colada™? Pibb Xtra™? Coca-Cola Cinnamon™? (Actually, while it’s seriously unhealthy for you, Coca-Cola Cinnamon™ ain’t half bad, which is why I only drank half the case I bought on Amazon.com. Saving the other half for tomorrow.) 

As for the movie, all I know is that it’s part of the VHS horror franchise (V/H/S (2012), V/H/S 2 (2013), V/H/S Viral (2014), SiREN (2016), V/H/S 94 (2021). I guess that could make you thirsty for more.

PIGGY / October 14, 2022 (VOD)

“Sara is a teenager in a rural Spanish village who is constantly tormented by ‘the popular girls’, including her former best friend, because of her body type. One day at the local pool she witnesses her bullies violently kidnapped by a mysterious stranger. Sara, who normally feels unable to express herself to both her family and neighbors, suddenly faces a moral dilemma as she must decide between saving her tormentors from a bloody end or giving into the desire for revenge.”

Revenge. The answer is ALWAYS revenge. 

CURSE OF CROM: THE LEGEND OF HALLOWEEN / Release pending 2022/2023

“High school teenagers accidentally unleash an ancient Irish entity on their hometown and must stop it before midnight on Halloween.”

Spoiler: The Irish entity they speak of is the Lucky Charms™ Leprechaun. Or maybe that guy on all those Irish Spring™ soap commercials. Pure f’n evil.

How Abominable Is This Snow, Man?

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , on September 18, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Okay, so yeah — I stopped doing this horror/sci-fi movie blog in June of 2019. Was at it for 10 years to the day. I still, though, pop in every so often to approve/reject comments based on how spam-y they are. Was bored today (September 18, 2022) and thought I’d barf up another post just for S&Gs. Will I keep doing this? Maybe-ish. But in the meantime…

Snow Monster (2019), is the Chinese spin on King Kong, which I believe is in a different language than Chinese. I’ll have to do more research.

Speaking of research, a science team in a lab-equipped Sno-Cat, is doing spin-outs around a remote Arctic wasteland, trying to find out why their readings indicate a geo-thermal event. (Somebody must’ve left the lava lamp on.) What they find, besides enough snow to make one trillion billion cocktail ice cubes, is a Yeti with ram horns, or rather one horn as the other looks broken off as if lost in a bar fight.

But this Yeti is 100 feet tall, give or take a few inches. And he eats size-proportionate ice sharks that, get this, swim in ice! WTF? These sharks leap out of the tundra and feast on humans in one big gulp, clothes and all, thereby turning them into (wait for it)…frost bites. Heh.

But the science team gets knocked a cliff and, for all intents, is f’d in the ice-hole. Apparently, no one prepared for things like a dead battery, getting stuck in the snow and rolling 30 times down a cliff. Dumbasses. So now, whoever is left alive, needs rescuing. (See “f’d in the ice-hole.”)

An Indiana Jones drunk dude is hired to find them. He’d rather fight and drink. That is, until he finds out his attractive but cold-as-ice ex is the leader of the science team, so he agrees to lead the recovery team. After he finishes his drink, of course.

Driving a bunch of gun-enhanced teammates up in the hills of China, they find a spooky temple, fall into a black hole, son, and get beaked by prehistoric seagulls. Talk about your peckers of doom. A grenade-type explosion opens a portal to the Arctic, where they literally trip over the wreckage of the science team. It should be noted a clan of snow natives living in caves saved them first. And they’re all dressed like they’re going to spring break in Peoria, IL. (What’s with the mascara and lipstick on the decidedly hot Elder chick? At what Antarctic 7-Eleven™ did she buy that stuff?)

The Elder chick can communicate with Mr. Iced To Meet You and introduces it to their “guests.” I figured he’d just eat ‘em, burp vociferously, and be on his merry way. But no, dang it. And if you didn’t see this coming, the financier of the expedition also found the transportal hole and has showed up with guns and RPGs to capture the Sir Fuzz Fuzz in order to exploit for profit and possibly cash.

Epic snowball fight ensues. Lots of natives and evil guys get aerated by ammunition. But not before two fighter jets come through The Hole and immobilize the Froster in some sort of freeze ray. While this is going on, everybody is still kung-fu fighting (not a racist comment — they were actually doing martial arts). Odd, though, no steam — or “Iced Chi” — was coming out mouths, despite sub-zero temps. The least believable part of the movie.

In conclusion, Snow Monster is for low expectation fans of Kaiju movies, barely bloody, punchy (heh) fight sequences, and snow babes. And hey, the massive creature looks 100% tameable.

P.S. You can watch this free on YouTube

P.P.S. Stay through the credits.

A Decade of Drinkin’

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Gamera

Wednesday, June 9, 2010, 5:44 pm.

10 years ago to this day I started Drinkin’ & Drive-in, and began a decade long crawl through the gold-filled mud and muck of horror and sci-fi movies that’ve been my obsession since the Dawn of Mankind. And I say that without hyperbole. More or less.

Kaiju

The first blog written/posted was about one of my all-time fav monsters: Gamera, a Godzilla-sized turtle that could shoot flames out of his mouth AND ass. (I can do one or the other, but not both.) Outside of that, I really didn’t have a vision or goal with this blog, other than to blather on about horror movie stuff filled with mouth-twisting typos, 3rd grade grammatical errors and taking extreme liberties with the English language. (I tried Spanish but only managed to learn one word: “cerveza.” I picked the one word that has served me well.)

Gamera

I’ve really enjoyed e-barfing in public. It’s almost as fun as farting in church. On that note, I’d like to thank long-time readers of Drinkin’ & Drive-in and some awesomely funny comments you’ve left me. (“May the devil guide my poop…” — that still cracks me up, Jon from NC.)

Gamera

10 years is/was a good run. But now it’s time to say adiós amoebas. I’m off to pursue other life goals, like chasing parked cars, sponge diving in community swimming pools and collecting air. Future hobbies that will never generate any income includes putting out three e-books (already written), possibly another issue ManSplat magazine (been doing that longer than this blog, despite a 10 year absence), learning how to play the kazoo (man, those things are hard to tune), and generally doing loud stuff.

Dino Uber

So now I leave you with a final post — feel free to finish this sentence…

“The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…”

Thank You

Haunted Houses, Haunted Babies, Haunted Sailors

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 8, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Neibolt House

If you ever wanted to live in the Neibolt Street house (aka, the Well House), forget it — Pennywise, The Dancing Clown from It (2017) already squats there. If you’ve seen the movie, you already know what he does to trespassing guests. But skilled artist Lance Cardinal built an excruciatingly detailed one-of-a-kind miniature of the house (46”x 30”x30”), complete with light up interior and a full front yard and fences as seen in the pretty dang scary flick.

Neibolt House

From Lance himself: “I really loved the film and thought the production design was amazing! As soon I saw this house in the film I knew I had to re-create it in miniature. The entire thing was created from scratch, using pictures from the set that was built for the film in Oshawa, Ontario, Canada.”

Neibolt House

Amazingly, it took Lance two months to complete the iconic haunted house. The good news: he’s selling it. Find him on Facebook™ or e-mail him at lancecardinal75@gmail.com for the price and some other incredible pieces he’s putting up for snaggings.

Neibolt House

While I go look for the Neibolt House on Zillow™ (crossing fingers it isn’t being used as an Airbnb™), here are few now available/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as scary as Pennywise’s downstairs toilet (kids aren’t the only things that float down there)…

The Child Remains

THE CHILD REMAINS (available now)
“Inspired by the shocking true story of the infamous ‘Butterbox Babies’, an expectant couple’s intimate weekend turns to terror when they discover their secluded country inn is a haunted maternity home where unwanted infants and mothers were murdered. A twisted, disturbing supernatural thriller about the evil that lurks behind the colorful postcard.”

Makes sense that a couple expecting a rug rat would embark on an intimate weekend — no risk of getting knocked up, so go nuts. Okay, that sounded better in my head.

Play or Die

PLAY OR DIE (July 2, 2019)
Lucas and Chloe, two passionate gamers, decide to participate to Paranoia, a very exclusive escape game. After solving a first riddle, they make it to the location of the finale in an abandoned mental hospital, lost in a frightening forest. There, four other participants are waiting on them. They soon realize that only one of them will get out of there alive.”

Yep, someone actually got paid to think up this story line. That person was overpaid.

Ashes

ASHES (July 9, 2019)
“After a family’s estranged aunt passes away, they’re reluctant and creeped out to receive her cremated ashes. But when a series of supernatural misfortunes beset them, they’ll have to go through Hell to be rid of her angry spirit.”

Pffft — Just kick her in the ash hole.

The Lighthouse

THE LIGHTHOUSE (2019)
The Lighthouse is a fantasy horror story set in the world of old sea-faring myths.”

Old sea-faring myths include octopus tickling games, sea horse rodeos, harpoon acupuncture, and topless mermaids sitting on ocean rocks while combing sand crabs out of their fore and aft hair with carelessly discarded clam shells.

Stranger Thing Things

Posted in Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stranger Things

As anticipation for Stranger Things Season 3 (July 4, 2019/Netflix™) reaches pee shiver excitement of bladder-straining proportions, the runaway hit horror/sci-fi TV series brings in its wake a pile of licensed goodies, from toys to books to entire living room makeovers. Yes, you read that correctly. Let’s get started, shall we?

Stranger Things

First up is the just released Stranger Things The Upside Down LEGO™ set, loaded with remarkable detail for a bunch of colorful bricks that like inside-out waffles bars, which ironically, taste like plastic bricks. Behold — the press release:

Stranger Things

“The replica of the Byers house features Will’s bedroom, the living room and the dining room. The Upside Down version of the house features all the rooms from the real-world model but with a dark, vine-covered, dilapidated look. Of course, the set includes 8 mini-figures of your favorite Stranger Things characters, which each come with their own accessories.”

Way cool, especially the LEGO™ version of the monsterific Demogorgon. (My neighbor’s dog looks exactly like one of those face-eating things.) Expect to pay $199.00 for this super neato set.

Visions From The Upside Down

Next comes Visions from the Upside Down (Printed In Blood, Del Rey) hardcover art book, available October 15, 2019 for $35 upside down fun coupons.

Stranger Things

The 304 page book highlights contributions from an army of artists. As the press release brags, “The more than 200 artists featured, drawing from the earthly dimensions of comics, illustration, fine art, video-games, and animation, have come together to bring us a unique vision of the world of Hawkins, Indiana. The 200-plus brand-new images have been created specifically for this volume, which also includes an all-new introduction.”

That’s a lot of crayons being put to the stress test.

Stranger Things

One of the all-time seriously coolest Stranger Things tie-ins comes from IKEA™, the Swedish furniture store that sells chairs with names as hard to pronounce as it is to assemble them at home. They’ve come up with a recreation of the iconic Byers living room. You have to make your own portal to the Upside Down. You’ll need a 12-pack and a sledgehammer.

Stranger Things

So how much would it cost to turn your own living room into the Byers family’s living room, complete with letter wall and Christmas lights? According to IKEA™, $1,441.54. Guess it’s time to take down all those KISS posters and upgrade my lifestyle with beach towel covered couches and Morse code Christmas lights.

Baskin-Robbins

Lastly, ice cream flingers Baskin-Robbins™ are turning select stores into a Scoops Ahoy Stranger Things ice cream shop one in particular being set up at the Starcourt Mall in…wait for it…Hawkins, IN.

Baskin-Robbins

Check out the menu: the “Demogorgon Sundae,” the “Elevenade Freeze,” the “Upside Down Sundae” and pre-packed quarts of “U.S.S. Butterscotch.” Too bad this is a limited promotion; I’d be up for a Demogorgon Sundae year ’round.

This is just the tip of the Upside Down. I’ll let you know if they come out with a Stranger Things toilet with the bowl that resembles the gaping, toothy mouth of the Demogorgon. If you had problems purging before, this will fix that sh*t with one sit. Heh.

The Art of Destruction, Copy-Cat Monsters, Cursed Clothes

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 1, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Some new and/or wild Godzilla: King of the Monsters posters, this time from Japan, wherever that is. Speaking of, the Japanese seem to really get behind Godzilla for some reason. But hey, all Kaiju fans welcome.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Very artsy treatments of a monster that paints cities with his destruction brush. And speaking of, the scenes of destruction in Godzilla: King of the Monsters is deliciously epic. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, I’ll only offer one spoiler — BUILDINGS GET KNOCKED DOWN! There, I said it. Not proud of myself for ruining the movie for you, but I couldn’t help myself.

Godzilla New Year

The only criticism I have of G:KOTM is that I’m not in it. Heck, I’m not in any of the buildings the monsters knock down, either. So for that, only four stars instead of five. Sorry, but I have standards.

While you give me the stink eye, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as delicious as epic destruction…

Monster Island

MONSTER ISLAND (available now/SyFy™ Channel)
“As the world tries to stop a giant Kaiju bent on destruction more and more monsters appear — each one more terrible than the last — leaving mankind defenseless until our heroes reach out to a specialist versed in monster lore.”

You already know whose behind this obvious rip of Godzilla: King of the Monsters — Asylum Studios, globally known for not having an original idea in their collective heads. Modern day bootleggers, they is.

Recovery

RECOVERY (June 4, 2019)
“The residents of a female drug treatment facility battle more than their own demons as a mysterious killer begins picking them off one by one.”

Trying to get sober AND battling a mysterious killer that doesn’t come in a bottle? Sounds like they picked the wrong day to quit drinking.

The Nightmare Gallery

THE NIGHTMARE GALLERY (June 18, 2019)
“An anthropology professor investigates the sudden, suspicious disappearance of her star pupil. A mysterious collection of occult artifacts leads her on a nightmarish, Da Vinci Code-esque journey toward an unspeakable truth that will threaten her career, her marriage, and her sanity.”

Potential spoilers: the cult artifacts are beer caps, marking a nightmarish trail to The Tug Tavern. Once inside, The Tug’s irresistible happy hour threatens her career, her marriage and her sanity. And that’s just on Monday. (P.S. I already wrote about this one in its crowd-funding days — two years ago. Apparently, they got crowd-funded.)

In Fabric

IN FABRIC (2019/2020)
In Fabric is a haunting ghost story set against the backdrop of a busy winter sales period in a department store and follows the life of a cursed dress as it passes from person to person, with devastating consequences.”

It’d be super funny if they swapped the cursed dress for cursed underwear. 

Godzilla — King of All Media, Kids vs. Aliens, British Heaven/English Hell

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Art of Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Even if you’ve only occasionally clicked in and out of this nearly 10-year-old blog-blog, a cursory glance will tell you I’m a freak for all things Godzilla. (And sweet, sweet beer.) So it won’t come as a surprise I’m tagging EVEN more Godzilla stuff on the eve of the worldwide premier of Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019).The Art of Godzilla: King of the Monsters

This G-shout out is  for The Art of Godzilla: King of the Monsters (by Abbie Bernstein), a $25.00 and change (Amazon Prime™) hardcover book showcasing the conception art the new movie built itself on. It isn’t available for purchase until a few days after the movie comes out, so you’ll just have to deal with your pee shivers a bit longer.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Here’s what you can expect for the money: “An in-depth, behind-the-scenes look at the epic movie from Legendary Pictures and Warner Bros. Pictures. Packed with beautiful concept art, on-set photography, and detailed insight from key members of the production, this beautiful book tells the story of how Godzilla and his foes were brought to life.”

To while away the time before the movie/book comes out, here are a few now streaming/upcoming horror/sci-fi/fantasy TV series that may or may not give you the pee shivers…

Rim of the World

RIM OF THE WORLD (available now/Netflix™)
“Summer camp has barely begun when aliens suddenly invade the planet. In a campground once teeming with people, four misfit teens are unexpectedly entrusted with a key that carries the secret to stopping the invasion. Without any adults or electronics to help guide the way, it’s clear what they must do: band together, conquer their fears and save the world.”

As much as it’s obvious they’re cashing in on preteens going up against sci-fi odds (Stranger Things, y’all), this one actually works. Watch the first episode and see if it doesn’t suck you in like it was your very first beer.

Abyss

ABYSS (available now/Netflix™)
“Two people are brought back to life with the help of a soul-reviving marble called ‘Abyss.’ Go Se-yeon is a strikingly beautiful prosecutor who is reincarnated as a lawyer with an ordinary look. Cha Min is a smart, rich yet unattractive businessman who is reborn with the most handsome face ever. As the story unfolds, Go and Cha encounter a series of twists and turns while trying to get to the bottom of their own deaths and revival.”

A Korean fantasy/horror/drama/comedy TV series. That works. What doesn’t: sub-titles, which are like karaoke TV lyrics for the talent-deprived.

Good Omens

GOOD OMENS (May 31, 2019/Amazon Prime™)
Aziraphale and Crowley, of Heaven and Hell respectively, have grown rather fond of the Earth. So it’s terrible news that it’s about to end. The armies of Good and Evil are amassing. The Four Horsemen are ready to ride. Everything is going according to the Divine Plan…except that someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist. Can our heroes find him and stop Armageddon before it’s too late?”

A British apocalyptic comedy, which means it’s gonna be loaded with sharp, dry humor and people who talk like the Beatles. Put this at the top of your queue — whatever that is.

Star Trek: Picard

STAR TREK: PICARD (CBS All Access/2019)
Star Trek: Picard features Sir Patrick Stewart reprising his iconic role as Jean-Luc Picard, which he played for seven seasons on Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987 — 1994). The new series will follow this iconic character into the next chapter of his life.

Gotta hand it to the franchise — they keep coming up with new ways to milk that lucrative space cow. It’s kinda weird watching the teaser trailer; Sir Patrick Stewart looks exactly the same as he did 32 years ago — and I thought he looked old then! As good as he was in Star Trek, I’m partial to his older X-Men character, Professor X (aka, Professor Charles Xavier). His future wheelchair is way cooler than my car. Probably gets better mileage, too.