Archive for the Nature Gone Wild Category

Horror Magazines, Holiday Demons, Hellish Drugs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fangoria

Was talking to a horror movie friend of mine in a bar (or as I like to call it, spin class), and ruminating over the demise of the globally prominent Fangoria horror movie magazine, which started in 1979 and ended abruptly went down the porcelain library a few years ago. They did, however, keep the website going. Meh.

Imagine me doing a faceplant as it was just announced Fangoria, under new ownership, will fire up the printers once again. What are the odds?

Fangoria

From the press release…

Cinestate, the Texas-based entertainment company, has acquired all the assets and trademarks of the Fangoria brand, which includes the magazine. Also, Tony Timpone and Michael Gingold are set to return with their columns as well as consult the company going forward. Thanks to a new investment, a new Editor-in-Chief, and a new Publisher, the world’s highest-profile horror movie magazine is reemerging as a collectible quarterly with the first issue set to drop this fall in time for Halloween (2018)”.

Fangoria

It should be somehow noted that on December 5, 2007, a warehouse in Oregon, Illinois, which contained all back issues of Fangoria and Starlog magazines, was fired by fire. It’s common knowledge that back issues of Fangoria are not re-printed. This is good news for me as I own the entire collection (except for a few of the last few issues), all (over 300) kept in plastic with cardboard backing and stored in those cool comic book boxes. I’ll start the bidding at $1,000 — and you pay for shipping. Or come over with your checkbook, a van or front-loader, and a sixer of tall boys to seal the deal.

Fangoria

Not sure how a quarterly publication schedule is gonna be relevant in today’s digital second-by-second breaking horror news atmospheric conditions, though. The news would be as old as me by the time it comes out. But hey, with legacy editors on board, put me in the game, coach.

Fangoria

So while we wait for Fangoria’s obstetrician to arrive on scene, here’s some second-by-second breaking news about upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may belong in the porcelain library…

Await Further Instructions

AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS (2018)
“The Milgram family, who have gathered to celebrate Christmas, find a mysterious black substance has surrounded their house. Something monumental is clearly happening right outside their door, but what exactly? An industrial accident, a terrorist attack, nuclear war? Descending into terrified arguments, they turn on the television, desperate for any information. On screen, a message glows ominously: ‘Stay Indoors and Await Further Instructions”.

Ewww! — black stuff on your yard at Christmas? Is that the new coal for a year’s worth of suspect behavioral patterns, or was Santa eating gas station burritos again? Either way, this movie echoes 2006’s Right At Your Door, wherein toxic ash snows down upon your ash hole and guys in hazmat suits show up to seal you inside your blackend house with plastic tarp and all-purpose duct tape. (Is there anything that tape can’t do?) Hazmat suits are kinda neat.

All The Creatures Were Stirring

ALL THE CREATURES WERE STIRRING (2018)
“When an awkward date on Christmas Eve leads a couple into a strange theater, they’re treated to a bizarre and frightening collection of Christmas stories, featuring a wide ensemble of characters doing their best to avoid the horrors of the holidays. From boring office parties and last-minute shopping to vengeful stalkers and immortal demons, there’s plenty out there to fear this holiday season.”

Either a bit late or way too early in the year for holiday movies. But hey, when isn’t it a good time to celebrate the birth of Santa Claus, our commander in chief?

White Chamber

WHITE CHAMBER (2018)
“The United Kingdom. Soon. Civil war rages. A woman wakes up in a blindingly white cuboid cell. Using its sophisticated functionality, her captor tortures her for information she claims not to have — or does she?”

Sounds a bit like Cube (1997), except those “rooms” weren’t white. In fact, they looked like they were painted in nice metal-flavored hues. Instead of windows, though, each room in this gigantic Rubik’s Cube™was a trap so deadly, you could end up deadly dead. Hope that doesn’t happen to the nice woman in the blindingly white cuboid cell. I vote we give her sunglasses and a couple of magazines.

Discarnate

DISCARNATE (2018/2019)
“A neuroscientist’s obsession with a drug that expands the human mind inadvertently unleashes a deadly supernatural force on his team.”

Gotta say —nifty movie poster. The monster looks like some sort of evil Christmas tree on which to hang tinsel and/or fully anatomically detailed gingerbread men/women cookies. As for the drug that expands the human mind, look no further than the pleasingly arranged coolers at 7-Eleven™. More so if the store clerk is wearing a lab coat.

Alien Nightlight, Murderous Mermaid, Nazi Ghost Zombie

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Nostromo

Just because it was blown into black hole shavings back in 2127, you can still own the Nostromo ship from Alien (1979). Can’t fly it, though, as it’s pretty much a nightstand recreation that’s been hi-tech engineered to also be a lamp. And hey, it comes with its own Xenomorph! (Just to clarify, the “illuminated sculpture” is a recreation of the Alien Lockmart CM-88B Bison M-Class Star Freighter — U.S.C.S.S. Nostromo, not the actual refinery/beater mom ship in the movie.)

Nostromo

This cool piece of Alien memorabilia comes courtesy of The Bradford Exchange and sells for $99.99. Neat — one penny shy of $100, which I can’t afford. I can, however, get a die-cast version over at themotorpool.net for $79.99. Should be enough bling in the ‘ol Alien head cookie jar to get one.

Alien cookie jar

 

Anyway, here’s the press release…

The Bradford Exchange, Hawthorne Village Division, is excited to offer a special opportunity to reserve the Alien: Nostromo Masterpiece Sculpture, an officially-licensed sculpture exquisitely capturing the doomed ship and the dreaded Xenomorph. Pending sufficient demand, this Alien sculpture is sure to bring the horror of this landmark sci-fi film to vividly nightmarish three-dimensional life!”

Nostromo

“Impressively sized at one foot long, this Alien sculpture will be handcrafted and hand-painted to highlight its unprecedented detailing from every angle, from the ship itself to the intricate base with official logo. The Xenomorph, a pure killing machine with its whiplash tail, clawed hands and deadly dual jaws, will be poised for attack under the doomed ship. Plus, it will light up to cast an eerie green glow on the ship and the deadly creature that lurks below it.”

Nostromo

This is a fancy way of saying, you/I/me/us need to have it. Here’s the catch — these are made to order, so unless they get a pile of preorders, this ship will not fly. So get in line HERE.

Nostromo

While you’re clearing your nightstand of pesky books (who needs ‘em when you have TV?), here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not light up your life…or nightstand…

Survive The Hollow Shoals

SURVIVE THE HOLLOW SHOALS (available now)
Zach Weiland is a survival enthusiast who embarks on a 60 day survival challenge in the Hollow Shoals of Georgia. His primary objective is to find clean drinkable water, build a shelter and create a fire. Throughout Zach’s survival challenge he is stalked and harassed by an evil entity that haunts the Shoals.”

Worst. Movie. Art. Ever.

Siren

SIREN (March 29, 2018)
“When the arrival of a mysterious girl proves this folklore all too true, the battle between man and sea takes a very vicious turn as these predatory beings return to reclaim their right to the ocean.”

I wrote about a pile of mermaid movies/books back in 2010. You’d think someone would come up with a better name than Siren (used often) for a killer mermaid. How about Squishy Fishy? Who wouldn’t go see a movie with snappy title like that?

Living Space

LIVING SPACE (March, 2018)
“College sweethearts Brad and Ashley venture into the heartland of Germany. Their romantic holiday takes a sinister turn when encountering a German SS Officer, thrusting them into a psychological vortex revealing there is not always life in a ‘Living Space’”.

Lemme get this straight — a Nazi ghost zombie? Sounds romantic to me, too!

Soft Matter

SOFT MATTER (2018)
“Two graffiti artists break into an abandoned and reportedly haunted research facility in hopes of creating an art installation. They instead stumble upon a team of demented researchers who are in the process of resurrecting an ancient sea creature — who they now must fight in order to not become their next experiment.”

The plot doesn’t exactly kick you in the soft matter, but what the heck — I could go for some ancient seafood. I hope the monster graffitis the walls with the “artist’s” inner paint palette.

Bigfoot’s Big Butte

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sasquatch Mountain

In Sasquatch Mountain (aka, Devil On The Mountain/2006) — his third role in a Sasquatch flick — the legendary Lance Henriksen is the go-to guy for movies about Bigfoot. They should just start calling him “Hairy and the Henriksen.” (OK, now THAT was pretty darn clever.) Lance, though, is way more cooler as a hardened mountain man than I would’ve been. Hard to sell yourself as a believable outdoorsman while wearing a KISS T-shirt that smells like Bounce™.

Sasquatch Mountain

A gang of bank robbers steal money from Lance’s small town bank and kill a cop in the process. Making a frantic getaway, they’re involved in a car crash with a supermodel with a low top who was making her getaway from a lousy marriage. The criminals take the supermodel hostage and head for the hills. Guess who lives there — Lance…and Sasquatch.

Sasquatch Mountain

The mythical (ahem) beast is the reason Lance’s wife was killed 12 years earlier. No one believed him, so he kinda became that guy who “saw a UFO” type dude. While the criminals run through the woods, so doth Sasquatch, snapping in half the good guys because hey, Sas can’t differentiate between those that point guns at him and those that flee.

Sasquatch Mountain

The cops follow and it turns into a stand-off until Sasquatch balances the scales of justice. Now the criminals and the cops have to work together to escape Sasquatch’s fuzzy wrath. Lots of character development with colorful dialogue. But it’s Lance who outshines them all. (He even calls one of the criminals “Pumpkinhead,” a tongue-in-cheek reference to his other mythical beast movie.)

Sasquatch Mountain

Sasquatch, though, is overly hairy and looks like a heavy metal King Kong, but not as tall. He has a great howl, that will make your butt hairs stand on end — your REAR end.

Sasquatch Mountain

Craig Wasson, who plays the lead criminal, hasn’t changed his hair since Nightmare on Elm Street III: Dream Warriors(1987) And that was 20 years ago. Then again, I haven’t changed my hair since birth. Sasquatch Mountain has its flaws (unlikely cop and criminal behavior patterns/situations), but hey, what Sasquatch movie doesn’t? Until I star in one, anyway.

Artful Sharks, Southern Fried Zombies, Rioting Girls

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Meg

Been marveling (again) over the non-official sales art for the upcoming big budget giant shark movie, Meg. Designed by artist David Graham, it’s so cool, the movie studio should just buy it from him and use that to sell the movie. (Not fake news: I posted this very same art in August of 2017 — and I endorse that statement.)

Jaws

While David’s done several work-ups for Meg (in theaters August 10, 2018), the one featured here looks like it was inspired by another artist’s “movie” art. No party foul — when it comes to giant sharks, we’re all aquatic allies.

Speaking of vintage Jaws movie art (official or not), here’s one you may not have seen on dry/sorta wet land…

Jaws

While you avoid getting in the water come August, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not take a big bite out of your life…

Attack of the Southern Fried Zombies

ATTACK OF THE SOUTHERN FRIED ZOMBIES (March 13, 2018)
“Lonnie, a crop duster pilot, must lead a mismatched group of survivors to escape the deadly zombie horde after an experimental chemical, intended to control the invasive kudzu vine, transforms the citizens of Charleston, MS into zombies.”

Did this come out in February of 2017? That’s what IMDB.com is saying. And yet the trailer on YouTube™ and the date on the movie poster itself is claiming March 13, 2018 as its release date. I’m so confused.

He's Out There

HE’S OUT THERE (2018)
“On vacation at a remote lake house, a mother and her two young daughters must fight for survival after falling into a terrifying and bizarre nightmare conceived by a psychopath.”

YET ANOTHER psychopath conceiving nightmares for non-psychopaths. Not sure which orchestra I fall into.

Riot Girls

RIOT GIRLS (2018)
“Set in a world where adults have mysteriously died and resources are scarce, Riot Girls tells the story of a teenage girl who is called to action when her brother is captured by rivals and set to be executed. Joined by the girl who has always loved her, and the boy who wants to love her, the threesome tear through the crumbling suburbs on a violent road marked by sexual discovery, betrayal and brutal justice.”

Cool, but isn’t sexual discovery, betrayal and brutal justice pretty much the same thing anymore?

Darkness Visible

DARKNESS VISIBLE (2018)
“Londoner Ronnie embarks on a journey to India when his mother, Suleka, goes missing and mysteriously ends up in a Kolkata hospital. Before Ronnie can unravel the mystery of what brought his mother back to her homeland, Suleka dies in an apparent cult killing. Further deaths point to a series of past murders that stopped 28 years ago when Suleka left India with her infant son. Until now. As the darkness within Ronnie grows and the murders reach their peak, all roads lead to the feared witch of Kolkata’s insane asylum.”

I’ve been to Kolkata’s insane asylum. They must’ve changed the sign, as it now reads: The Tug Tavern. I did buy one of Kolkata’s T-shirts, though. Their branding looks a heckuva lot like Motorhead’s logo.

Literary Sharks, Cured Zombies, The Horror of Motels

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Meg: Generations

The question isn’t “who wants a poster of a giant shark?”, but rather who doesn’t want a poster of a giant shark?” (Every home should be outfitted with one.)

Meg: Revised

You can get said enlarged Carcharodon megalodon image if you’re one of the first 2,500 people to buy the book Meg: Generations (sixth in a series) by best-selling author Steve Alten. Like a fisherman with something on the hook, there’s a catch — the book has to sell 10,000 copies before the first 2,500 who pre-ordered, will get the glossy 24”x36” shark poster (hopefully rolled, not folded).

Meg: Hell's Aquarium

Here’s the book’s premise: “The story picks up after MEG: Nightstalkers (2016) with David Taylor in the Salish sea attempting to locate and rescue any surviving Megalodon pups before a local fisherman slaughters them. Meanwhile, Jonas is coerced into joining an expedition into the Panthalassa sea in search of a prehistoric predatory species possessing liver enzymes that can cure cancer.”

Meg: Primal Waters

A cure for cancer is cool. But the poster will cure boring walls. The book, in hardback form and not covered in shark skin as hoped, is available for pre-order by March 15, 2018. And if you buy the MEG 7 package, Steve will autograph your copy. I guess that’s neat, but I’d much rather have the poster signed by the shark. (Since sharks don’t have hands per say, simple chomp marks will suffice.)

The Friendless Shark

While you rush to Amazon.com to pre-order, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not bite…

Family Possessions

FAMILY POSSESSIONS (available now)
Rachael Dunn, a young girl, inherits the mansion of her estranged grandmother. Rachael and her family move into the house to start a new life, but once there strange and unexplained occurrences begin to happen. Rachael uncovers a secret that had been hidden from her and she soon realizes that some family secrets should remain…buried.”

I should inherit this mansion because I’m the family secret. And those “strange and unexplained” occurrences? Just me shampooing the carpet at 3:15AM. And no, that’s not a metaphor.

Looking Glass

LOOKING GLASS (February 16, 2018)
“Ray must save his wife and himself from a gruesome secret connected to a motel and the strange people who visit there.”

Possible spoiler: the gruesome secret in the motel is that they never wash the sheets. Ick doesn’t even begin to describe the horror.

The Cured

THE CURED (February 23, 2018)
What happens when the undead return to life? In a world ravaged for years by a virus that turns the infected into zombie-like cannibals, a cure is at last found and the wrenching process of reintegrating the survivors back into society begins. Among the formerly afflicted is Senan, a young man haunted by the horrific acts he committed while infected. Welcomed back into the family of his widowed sister-in-law, Senan attempts to restart his life — but is society ready to forgive him and those like him? Or will fear and prejudice once again tear the world apart?”

So what if you ate brain flesh when you were a zombie? That’s what zombies are supposed to do. It’s like the dumbass things you do when you’re drunk and then later sober up going, “Okay, who do I need to apologize to?” Own it.

Snowflake

SNOWFLAKE (2018)
Snowflake takes place in a Berlin set in the near future as gang members hunt down the murderer of their families and find themselves trapped inside a nightmarish fairytale contained within a screenplay written by a demented dentist. En route to justice, the individuals get sucked into a vicious circle of revenge and must contend with a cast of wicked characters ranging from assassins to madmen to a blood-soaked angel.”

I’ve hear the term “snowflake” tossed around a lot since the election, so I looked it up. Snowflake is “a term for someone who thinks they are unique and special, but really are not.” Which begs the question: can snowflakes be orange?

Bigtime Bigfoot, Erotic Horror, Giant Worms

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

It’s official — Bigfoot has finally made the big time. (Just kidding — BF’s always been the king.) I’m talking, though about the latest Sasquatch movie, called Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn, which makes its debut on Fathom Events’ one-night-only premier on the big screen on Tuesday, February 27, 2018. It must be a good movie for it have this kind of coming out party.

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

Here’s what goes down: “Lost deep in the forest of the Pacific Northwest, Ashley and Max Carr are stalked by a terrifying creature that might be Bigfoot. Soon they find themselves embroiled in a strange land of Native American myth and legend turned real. Hopelessly trying to survive, with a handful of unsavory locals, they must fight back against this monster in a desperate battle of life or death.”

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

Sounds cool. I hope Bigfoot turns ‘em all into outdoor oatmeal. Yeah, going to the movies has gotten really expensive over the last year. (Nearly $10 for a large popcorn? Gimme a break.) But hey, Bigfoot on a screen the size of a side of a house. Come to think of it, Bigfoot is the size of a side of a house as well. So I’m thinkin’ win/win.

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

If Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn isn’t playing near wherever you’re munching on a lot less expensive store-bought popcorn, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not deserve a shot at the big screen — unless you have a 60-inch TV. In which case, go about your business…

Compulsion

COMPULSION (March 6, 2018)
Sadie, a budding erotic novelist, is enticed by an ex-lover to join him and an enigmatic woman named Francesca at an Italian Villa. Once there, Sadie is confronted by the demons of her past as she becomes embroiled in a surreal game of murder and betrayal.”

Possible warning: There may be naked nudity in this one. Whenever the word “erotic” is used to describe a movie, you know pants are coming off. Speaking of, time for me to go take an erotic shower.

Children of the Corn: Runaway

CHILDREN OF THE CORN: RUNAWAY (March 13, 2018)
“A young pregnant woman named Ruth who escapes a murderous child cult in a small Midwestern town. She then spends the next decade living anonymously in an attempt to spare her son the horrors that she experienced as a child. She lands in the small Oklahoma town…but something is following her. Now, she must confront this evil or lose her child.”

This is the 10th (!) installment of the Corn-y Children, which began its unlikely run in 1984. That another one is coming out makes about as much sense as all those Amityville Horror movie sequels (20+ —yeesh!). Was never a fan, though. I do like corn, however.

A Quiet Place

A QUIET PLACE (April 6, 2018)
“A family lives an isolated existence in utter silence, for fear of an unknown threat that follows and attacks at any sound.”

The trailer for this one is crazy cool. The family soundproofed their lives so they don’t call down whatever evil icky thing wants to deathify ‘em, going so far as to learn sign language to communicate. But what happens after a nice quiet dinner eating healthy steamed broccoli and someone farts? I’ve heard of passing gas as being “silent but deadly,” but this time it’s for real.

Tremors: A Cold Day In Hell

TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL (2018)
“The sequel finds Burt Gummer and his son Travis at a remote research station, where they must go up against Graboids that have been converted into living weapons.”

The 6th installment of the people-eating underground giant worm creatures. These “Graboids” can hear you tromping around topside, hone in your dinner bell and swish — nothin’ but neck. Hey, maybe Graboids are the monsters in The Quiet Place. Food for thought. Heh.

Cloverfield in Space, The Search for Bigfoot, Mutant Fish ‘n Chips

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Cloverfield Paradox

The big horror/sci-fi news came on the cleated heels of Superbowl LIIThe Cloverfield Paradox (2018), a highly anticipated installment in the Cloverfield franchise — showed up on Netflix™ the second the world’s most overpaid football game ended. This caused my blood pressure to go off the charts as the movie was first titled God Particle. Then it had a movie theater release date, but scrapped that a the last minute and put it up on Netflix™. I did what anyone would do in this situation — drink a refreshing adult beverage to regain self control, and then watched it.

Here’s the premise…

“An American space station that, after an accident with a particle accelerator, suddenly finds that Earth has vanished altogether. Things get stranger when they then pick up traces of another space station nearby.”

The Cloverfield Paradox

Rather bland considering it was meant to tie up loose ends left loose by Cloverfield (2008) and 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016). But critics were not impressed and had this to say about the admittedly confusing movie: “A trainwreck of a sci-fi flick bent on extending a franchise that should have died a peaceful death almost exactly one decade ago…”Hollywood Reporter; “While there are a handful of nifty sequences and good performances overall, this feels like a blown-out pilot for one of those SyFy™ series you always mean to get around to but never do…”Thrillist; and more succinctly, The Cloverfield Paradox is an unholy mess…”The Guardian. Ouch.

The Cloverfield Paradox

Whether or not you watch it and decide to go all mob mentality on The Cloverfield Paradox, here are a few more just released and upcoming horror and sci-fi documentaries/movies that may or may not turn out to be an unholy mess…

Expedition SasquatchEXPEDITION SASQUATCH (available now)
“A new documentary about the Sasquatch of Nordegg, Alberta. This area has become increasingly popular among Bigfoot researchers and enthusiasts due to the baffling tree structures that can be found in the area.”

Checked on Expedia.com and I can fly from Seattle, to Nordegg, Alberta — round-trip — for $296 smackos. Once in Nordegg (that name sounds so mad up), I’ll be able to Air BnB it with my ‘ol pal, Bigfoot. It’d be cool if he had some Unibroue La Fin Du Monde on ice waitin’ for me. That stuff is 9% alcohol and a few bottles of that will have you seeing mythical monsters all over the place.

Asylum of Fear

ASYLUM OF FEAR (available now)
“When a team of paranormal investigators is hired to inspect a soon-to-be demolished mental institution, they discover horrifying clues that reveal the cause of a violent massacre by an insane doctor in the 1960s.”

Don’t they know mental institutions are supposed to be abandoned and subsequently haunted and not knocked down to make room for YET ANOTHER Starbucks™? Still, the generic Asylum of Fear makes sense that the place was f’d up by an insane doctor. At least he was in the right place. You don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.

The Barge People

THE BARGE PEOPLE (2018)
“Set on the canals amid the glorious British countryside, two sisters and their boyfriends head off for a relaxing weekend away on a barge, unaware of the flesh-eating fish mutants lurking in the water, ready and waiting to feed.”

Flesh-eating fish mutants lining up to dine on barge food? Do fries go with that? Regardless, I’d like to reserve a table, close to the docks, if possible.

November

NOVEMBER (2018)
“The story is set in a pagan Estonian village where werewolves, the plague, and spirits roam. The villagers’ main problem is how to survive the cold, dark winter. And, to that aim, nothing is taboo. People steal from each other, from their German manor lords, and from spirits, the devil, and Christ. To guard their souls, they’ll give them away to thieving creatures made of wood and metal called Kratts, who help their masters by stealing more.”

The trailer for this is very art house-y. But gotta say, the wood and metal Kratt creatures are pretty cool and candidates for McDonald’s Happy Meal™ toys. (Last Happy Meal™ I got had a toy napkin in the box. Sure, those things are fun to play with, but I wanted a Cloverfield action figure, dang it.