Archive for morgue

History of Horror, Evil Cadavers, Bowel Soda

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Scary Black CherryFrozen Fanta

Burger King ™, the common man’s McDonald’s™, is getting into the Halloween spirit with their Scary Black Cherry Frozen Fanta drink, available now through All Hallows’ Eve. Here are the stats: 120 calories, 0g fat, 0g saturated fat, 0g cholesterol, 65mg sodium, 34g carbs, 0 g fiber, 33g sugar, 0g protein and 100g artificial flavor. But there’s an upside — the seasonal drink turns your mouth black, and by extension, whatever comes out of your bowels. 

Before you race to your local Burger King™ to buy a gallon of this stuff, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not stress test your bowels…

Eli Roth's History of Horror

ELI ROTH’S HISTORY OF HORROR (October 14, 2018/AMC)
“A seven-episode deep dive into the world of horror, History of Horror features interviews with some of the genre’s top creators, and each episode will cover a different sub-genre of horror, ranging from supernatural entities to slasher maniacs.”

Supernatural entities to slasher maniacs. Looks like Eli’s been drinking in the same bar as me.

Storybook of Horror

STORYBOOK OF HORROR (available now/Amazon Prime™)
“Turn down the lights, and get ready for six horror tales that are sure to give you nightmares in this storybook horror anthology.”

For a really good collection of horror shorts (I think I just described my neighbor’s underwear), check out Tales of Halloween (2015), and take a drink every time blood is spilled; You’ll be drunk by the third story.

Prospect

PROSPECT (November 2, 2018)
“A teenage girl and her father travel to a remote alien moon, aiming to strike it rich. But there are others roving the wilderness and a job quickly devolves into a fight to survive. Forced to contend not only with the forest’s other ruthless inhabitants, but with her own father’s greed-addled judgment, the girl finds she must carve her own path to escape.”

A remote alien moon seems like a long way to go to strike it rich. They should stay on Earth and play the Power Ball Lottery™. Odds are you probably won’t win, but at least you won’t have to deal with ruthless inhabitants. Ironically, you’ll be swarmed with ruthless inhabitants if you do win.

The Possession of Hannah GraceTHE POSSESSION OF HANNAH GRACE (2018)
“A shocking exorcism spirals out of control, claiming the life of a young woman. Months later, Megan Reed is working the graveyard shift in the morgue when she takes delivery of a disfigured cadaver. Locked alone inside the basement corridors, Megan begins to experience horrifying visions and starts to suspect that the body may be possessed by a ruthless demonic force.”

Graveyard shift at the morgue. Sounds like a bad pun. Works in reverse, too. I do, however, like the premise of a disfigured corpse powered by evil. Has a certain zing to it.

It’s A Wonderful Knife

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Halloween II

Halloween II (2009), picking up exactly where 2007’s Halloween remake left off, it is assumed the unspeaking/unstoppable Michael Myers has been “killed” by career babysitter Laurie Strode by means of some sort of bullet.

Halloween 2

After that complimentary ambulance ride to the morgue came to an abrupt cow-splattering halt, Michael’s body was never recovered. But that doesn’t stop Dr. Loomis from doing a Dr. Phil and going for all the glory-hogging during a book-signing tour about his most famous patient, whom he insists is dead. Michael’s still alive and sequestered in the woods for the last year, keeping a journal of his thoughts and eating… Let’s just say Michael’s not a vegan.

Halloween II

Laurie now lives with Sheriff Brackett and his same-age-as Laurie daughter, Annie. Laurie’s been having reoccurring acute nightmares as a direct result of her traumatic experiences with Michael trying to kill her face off. She takes pills, goes to therapy and screams ALL THE TIME.Halloween II

Michael is having a few dreams of his own, that of his dead mother (Sheri Moon Zombie) dressed in white, accompanied by a large white horse. You don’t have to be a therapist to figure out that action. Mommy wants to get the family back together, so Michael goes returns to Haddonfield to round up Laurie, whether she comes kicking and screaming or not.

Halloween II

Along the way, some particularly brutal, up-close-and-personal flesh ventilating, complimentary of Michael’s handy cutlery skills. Then there’s dog-eating. And redneck crunching. And ambulance driver squishing. And head-stomping. And stripper bashing. The body count is as high as my IQ.

Halloween II

Michael makes it to Haddonfield just in time for the family reunion, which just happens to be on Halloween. (So that’s why they named the movie Halloween.) Laurie reads Loomis’ book and discovers she’s Michael’s sister, Angel. (That’s not a plot spoiler, dang it — if you’ve seen any of the original Halloween movies you already knew this. If you didn’t, well, sorry.)

Halloween II

Some may argue Halloween II is nothing more than a snuff film with no discernible plot, or the way Michael stomps his carbon footprint all over the human ecosystem. But isn’t that the premise of all the Halloween movies (except Halloween III: Season of the Witch/1982)? As for me, I enjoyed the Haddonfield out of it.

Aqua Army, Vampire Prisoners, The Listening Dead

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aquaman

Finally getting the first of what will likely be a million different key art posters for the upcoming Aquaman movie (December 21, 2018). They’re off to a good start — tons of sharks, whales and other toothy sea creatures that make up Aquaman’s liquidized soldiers of fortune.

Aquaman

I probably already posted this, but here is the plot again in case you need it to round out your bucket list: “Arthur Curry (Aquaman), the heir to the underwater kingdom of Atlantis, must step forward to lead his people and to be a hero to the world, just as his brother Orm seeks to unite the seven kingdoms against the surface world.”

Aquaman

Count me in as an aqua-ally. In fact, I’m already wearing my moisture-proof swim suit as we speak and am ready to kick some clam.

Aquaman

Here’s a crazy thought, however — where did Aquaman get his tattoos? It’s not like there are underwater tattoo shops within swimming distance. And with him being in the water all the time, wouldn’t the tattoos wash off every high tide? Mine come off every time I take a shower. (That’s the last time I spend all my hard-earned cash on rub-on tattoos. Apparently, quality stands for nothing these days.)

Superman tattoo

While I finish up my new Superman “S” emblem logo on my chest with a felt pen (let’s see Dove Men’s Body Wash™ make a dent in that), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not pollute one or more of the underwater seven kingdoms… 

Fanged Yp

FANGED UP (July 30, 2018/UK/DVD)
When self-styled absolute lad Jimmy Ragsdale makes a pass at his boss’ wife, the ensuing brawl seals the deal on a night he’ll never forget — locked in the halls of a hellish prison! Jimmy will have more on his plate than just tough Russian cell mate Victor, however. When the wardens unleash their true vampiric colors, the inmates find themselves caught in a bloody battle that is sure to prove just how ‘hard’ Jimmy really is.”

Absolute Lad. Sounds like a wanna be superhero sidekick with a corduroy cape. The boss’ wide must’ve been some looker in order to risk being locked up with a bunch of vampires. Then again, if you don’t buy a ticket, you can’t win he Lottery.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween

GOOSEBUMPS 2: HAUNTED HALLOWEEN (October 12, 2018)
Halloween comes to life in a brand-new comedy adventure based on R.L. Stine’s 400 million-selling series of books.”

Watched the trailer — looks like they’re bringing back a lot of the “monsters” from the first film (Goosebumps/2015). I liked the Yeti, but the werewolf was/is my favorite. He/she/it seems just so darn fun. I bet he’d play fetch with you if you threw him a bone — with a human still attached to it.

Just A Breath Away

JUST A BREATH AWAY (aka, DANS LA BRUME/2018)
“A man and wife are desperately trying to save their daughter from a deadly toxic mist that has engulfed Paris after an earthquake. Only those lucky enough to escape to the rooftops of the city were able to survive; their daughter, who suffers from a genetic condition requiring her to live in a hermetic box that filters the air, is trapped below.”

The deadly toxic mist in Paris? This is what happens when everybody finally eats bowel-cleansing leafy greens instead of butter-fortified croissants for once in their unhealthy lives. Still, better than being stuck in a hermetic box with no access to butter-fortified croissants.

The Nightshifter

THE NIGHTSHIFTER (2018)
Stênio works the night shift at a morgue in a very large, very violent city. On the job, he sees cadavers in every conceivable state, often the victims of horrific gang warfare. While most would be rather unsettled by it all, Stênio is not. For the dead speak to him. Not in any metaphorical sense but in a very literal way. Stênio was born with an occult gift and while not everyone would be at ease conversing with mutilated cadavers on slabs, he has learned that there are endless secrets that can be gleaned this way. Related to crime. To prosperity. One day he learns a terrible secret about people in his own life. He commits the sin of acting on knowledge obtained from the dead, cursing himself and those dearest to him in the process.”

A mixed bag hanging out with cadavers. On one hand, they’re really good listeners. But the downside is they all smell like urinal cakes. 

Death Sex

Posted in Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Corpse of Anna Fritz

The Corpse of Anna Fritz (aka, El cadáver de Anna Fritz/2015), is one of those movies that, while not very graphic, still leaves a nasty taste in your mouth. Before reading further, make sure you have plenty of toothpaste and mouthwash standing by. Breath mints, as well.

The Corpse of Anna Fritz

The 20-something Anna Fritz is the sparkling eye of Mexico, being a famous and beautiful actress that everyone wants to smooch upon. She’s also dead. (It was an accident, I tell you.) After her body is brought to the morgue, Pau, an orderly working the night shift, uses his not-so-smart phone to take a picture of her nude body and send it to his two party buds. Guess who shows up to see the corpse in person? What happens next is what you’d think. What happens afterwards is not.

The Corpse of Anna Fritz

Ivan, the more intense party guy (loaded with drugs and hard booze), marvels at her beauty and suggests they all have sex with her corpse. And they do. (Spoiler to you pervs — this is not depicted graphically.) When it’s Pau’s turn, she wakes up during the non-consensual act. Unable to scream, her open eyes, nevertheless, freak out Pau and his pals, who suddenly realize the deep pit of doo doo they’re all now standing in.

The Corpse of Anna Fritz

If they report she’s alive, they’re gonna be thrown in jail for life + two more lifes for the morbid assault. If they re-kill her, there’s none the wiser. One of the guys super freaks out and wants to confess. Ivan, not about to go to jail, “accidentally” punches him to death. This was witnessed by the now alive but still un-speaking Anna. Arguing violently for his “kill her again plan”, Pau, conflicted to the point of being a whimpering crybaby, reluctantly agrees.

The Corpse of Anna Fritz

The plan is for Ivan to dump his friend’s body in a garbage can outside, while Pau preps Anna for another death. When Pau isn’t looking, Anna tries crawling out into the morgue’s hallway. It’s here Ivan finds here, drags her back in and they strangle her. Thinking she’s dead and the morgue cleaned of former friend blood, they’re in the clear. Um, not so much.

The Corpse of Anna Fritz

Several intense twists set up the abrupt, yet appropriate ending. And while the premise of  The Corpse of Anna Fritz is sickening, it does recall 2008’s Deadgirl, another of these types of horror movies that you should be ashamed of watching. Just so you know, I’m telling your mom.

Spreading the Love Disease

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 6, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Contracted: Phase II

Sometimes icky sex is better than no sex at all. (Disclaimer: this ONLY applies to horror movies.)

In Contracted (2013), a modern horror story about a one-night-stand gone wrong, Samantha, a young gal, has sorta consensual sex with a guy who just had sex with a corpse (he works at a morgue). The next day, after waking up feeling not so fresh, Samantha soon discovers her body is slowly rotting from the inside out. Even if she ate soap sandwiches, it couldn’t stop the progressing ickiness. What to do? Have sex with someone and share the “love.”

Contracted: Phase II

And that’s right where the sequel, Contracted: Phase II (2015) picks up. This guy Riley sorta consensually has sex with Samantha, and doesn’t seem to mind the maggots coming out of her public privates. So now he’s got the love bug:

Phase II follows Riley, one of the last people to come in contact with Samantha, as he scrambles to track down those responsible for the outbreak before the highly contagious disease not only consumes his body, but the world as we know it.”

Contracted: Phase II

Contracted: Phase II comes out on September 25, 2015. You might want to have a bottle of bleach handy to wipe down the TV after you see it. Just in case.

Human Italian Food

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

In case you’re writing this down in your diary, the 1974 Italian gorefest Let Sleeping Corpses Lie is also known as The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue and Don’t Open the Window. I don’t like that last title. What if someone farted? You’d be forced to open the window.

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

So it wasn’t a plague, virus, top secret military concoction or something from outer space that’s causing the dead to come back to life, full of hatred and hungering for all things living – it was the Department of Agriculture, those eco butt-heads. DoA invented a sub-sonic radiation sound pulse with the intention of eradicating ants and other stinky bugs from destroying apple crops in a small rural town way the hell outside of London. Turns out these radioactive sound waves not only kills ants, it revives the deceased.

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

Once up and running, the zombies get right to work. No loafing around on company time for these flesh-eaters. Grisly encounters all over the place, but it’s the attack scene in a morgue basement (which looks more like a fruit cellar of the damned), that reveals an interesting take on the undead. Once reanimated, if a zombie has human blood on its hands and touches a fellow corpse on the eyelid, said fellow dead citizen returns to life and pursues you like a free sack lunch. The hell you say.

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

The zombies are highly aggressive, a symptom of the sonic waves, which causes your brain to get all mad ’n stuff. The flesh eating scenes are extremely graphic for 1974 and are done in broad daylight. The word “icky” comes to mind.

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

Once this thing picks up speed, it’s a twisting roller coaster of kidneys, spleens, lower intestines, upper intestines and the gunk that holds those things in place, splattering all over once previously clean clothes. Great ending, too. And just know the Department of Agriculture has plans to test their device near more graveyards. So, yeah – a bumper crop of zombies – and bug-free apples – for all.