Godzilla TV, Godzilla Happy Meal

It’s a big day for Godzilla fans. First up, Pluto TV™, a free streaming movie/tv platform, just announced a 24 hour a day Godzilla movie channel. This will lead to the inevitable downfall of all other viewing media as everybody will quit watching Netflix™, tune into the Godzilla Channel, and leave it there.

From the press release: “The King of the Monsters has made landfall on Pluto TV™! Emerging in 1954, Godzilla has become a global icon and symbol that has transcended time and pop culture. After debuting as a terror that descended upon Tokyo, Godzilla has fought numerous foes and gained new allies over nearly 70 years of mayhem. Streaming free 24/7 and with titles from across the Showa, Heisei, and Millennium eras, the Pluto TV™ lineup includes an assortment of 33 films. This includes titles not available for streaming elsewhere, such as 1989’s Godzilla vs. Biollante and 1992’s Godzilla vs. Mothra.” Tune in here.

But you gotta have snacks to binge watch all the Godzilla movies. A suggestion would be Godzilla Ramen, garnished with a real “Godzilla” leg. You’ll have to get GrubHub™ or Uber Eats™ to get it for you, as this delish dish is only available in Taiwan.

From Taipei CNN™: “A noodle shop in southern Taiwan has upped the ante by creating Godzilla Ramen, where it looks like the famous Japanese movie icon is about to crawl out of the bowl and grab you. The dish, served at Witch Cat Kwai, a restaurant in Douliu City in southern Taiwan, features crocodile meat.”

“The restaurant’s owner told CNN Travel™ that the soup is comprised of quail eggs, pork, baby corn, dried bamboo shoots, black fungus and cubes of fish paste, topped with a crocodile leg — specifically, a front one. Chien adds that due to the challenge of getting crocodile legs and the difficulty of making the dish, only two bowls of Godzilla Ramen can be served per day. He charges NTD 1,500 ($50) per bowl.” FYI: There’s a waiting list for it.

Uh, think I’ll just stick with the triple decker King Ghidorah burger with a side order of fleeing citizens.

Horror That Grows On You

Cool one-sheet for the impending It Grows (2014), an indie made creature feature movie short filmed in “verdant photosynthescope.” I have no idea what a “verdant” is.

Here’s how this thing sprouts: “Zac has a problem. He suffers from ‘cyberchondria’ – he contracts every disease he ever reads about online. But that’s not his only problem. Something is growing in his garden…and it’s growing fast! Is it just a cute little plant, or could it be the harbinger of something more sinister?”

I vote for something more sinister.

Man-eating vegetation is nothing new to horror. One only needs to look back to the Little Shop of Horrors (1960 and re-made in 1986) as a random starting point. In that one a florist’s assistant cultivates a plant that feeds on human flesh and blood. They had me at florist assistant.

One of my all time-y favorite “plants gone wild” horror movies is Godzilla vs. Biollante (1989), wherein a rose bush gets super-sized thanks to being fertilized with some of Godzilla’s cells. A Biollante by any other name…

Wild fun fact: Movie producer Tomoyuki Tanaka had been looking to create new monster opponents for Godzilla to turn into mush. As part of pre-release publicity, Tanaka solicited script ideas from the public with 5,000 entries being received. The winning entry that was selected was from Shinichiro Kobayashi, a dentist.

I wish Shinichiro Kobayashi was my dentist.

New Age Crystal Godzilla

 

That butt-head Mothra. He gets a little Godzilla goo on him, flies into outer space and through a black hole, and when he comes out the other side, his backwash contrail fuses with a crystalline alien life-form and Biollante’s remaining spores. (See Godzilla Vs. Biollante/1989.) This entity grows into a giant crystal cocoon that heads to earth to do one thing: kill Godzilla, his estranged test tube father.

Once SpaceGodzilla arrives the military sends out Moguera (Mobile Operation Godzilla Universal Expert Robot Aero-type) to intercept. (Moguera looks a helluva lot like the alien space robot in The Mysterians/1957. I’m just sayin’.) SpaceGodzilla kicks Moguera’s tin ass as easily as if were an empty can of creamed corn.

A bunch of stuff happens, then Godzilla and his outer space counterpart eventually bash each other good, and while SpaceGodzilla looks to have the advantage, Moguera discovers a large nearby tower that’s been feeding SpaceGodzilla energy vinegar. Moguera knocks it down, thereby leveling the playing field for Godzilla to smack SpaceGodzilla right in the orbiting satellites. Whose your daddy now, b*tch?

SpaceGodzilla looks awesome with those huge ass crystals growing out of its shoulders. He also has a dark red belly and an energy mohawk. It’s like he’s Goth, punk and techno hip-hop at the same time. Godzilla doesn’t like Goth, punk or techno hip-hop, and emphasizes this by serving up a big bowl of f*ck off soup to those that do.

There’s a distracting sub-plot to Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla (1994) that involves Little Godzilla. Got five words for you – who cares?