Archive for the Giant Monsters Category

Bigfoot’s Big Butte

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sasquatch Mountain

In Sasquatch Mountain (aka, Devil On The Mountain/2006) — his third role in a Sasquatch flick — the legendary Lance Henriksen is the go-to guy for movies about Bigfoot. They should just start calling him “Hairy and the Henriksen.” (OK, now THAT was pretty darn clever.) Lance, though, is way more cooler as a hardened mountain man than I would’ve been. Hard to sell yourself as a believable outdoorsman while wearing a KISS T-shirt that smells like Bounce™.

Sasquatch Mountain

A gang of bank robbers steal money from Lance’s small town bank and kill a cop in the process. Making a frantic getaway, they’re involved in a car crash with a supermodel with a low top who was making her getaway from a lousy marriage. The criminals take the supermodel hostage and head for the hills. Guess who lives there — Lance…and Sasquatch.

Sasquatch Mountain

The mythical (ahem) beast is the reason Lance’s wife was killed 12 years earlier. No one believed him, so he kinda became that guy who “saw a UFO” type dude. While the criminals run through the woods, so doth Sasquatch, snapping in half the good guys because hey, Sas can’t differentiate between those that point guns at him and those that flee.

Sasquatch Mountain

The cops follow and it turns into a stand-off until Sasquatch balances the scales of justice. Now the criminals and the cops have to work together to escape Sasquatch’s fuzzy wrath. Lots of character development with colorful dialogue. But it’s Lance who outshines them all. (He even calls one of the criminals “Pumpkinhead,” a tongue-in-cheek reference to his other mythical beast movie.)

Sasquatch Mountain

Sasquatch, though, is overly hairy and looks like a heavy metal King Kong, but not as tall. He has a great howl, that will make your butt hairs stand on end — your REAR end.

Sasquatch Mountain

Craig Wasson, who plays the lead criminal, hasn’t changed his hair since Nightmare on Elm Street III: Dream Warriors(1987) And that was 20 years ago. Then again, I haven’t changed my hair since birth. Sasquatch Mountain has its flaws (unlikely cop and criminal behavior patterns/situations), but hey, what Sasquatch movie doesn’t? Until I star in one, anyway.

Artful Sharks, Southern Fried Zombies, Rioting Girls

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Meg

Been marveling (again) over the non-official sales art for the upcoming big budget giant shark movie, Meg. Designed by artist David Graham, it’s so cool, the movie studio should just buy it from him and use that to sell the movie. (Not fake news: I posted this very same art in August of 2017 — and I endorse that statement.)

Jaws

While David’s done several work-ups for Meg (in theaters August 10, 2018), the one featured here looks like it was inspired by another artist’s “movie” art. No party foul — when it comes to giant sharks, we’re all aquatic allies.

Speaking of vintage Jaws movie art (official or not), here’s one you may not have seen on dry/sorta wet land…

Jaws

While you avoid getting in the water come August, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not take a big bite out of your life…

Attack of the Southern Fried Zombies

ATTACK OF THE SOUTHERN FRIED ZOMBIES (March 13, 2018)
“Lonnie, a crop duster pilot, must lead a mismatched group of survivors to escape the deadly zombie horde after an experimental chemical, intended to control the invasive kudzu vine, transforms the citizens of Charleston, MS into zombies.”

Did this come out in February of 2017? That’s what IMDB.com is saying. And yet the trailer on YouTube™ and the date on the movie poster itself is claiming March 13, 2018 as its release date. I’m so confused.

He's Out There

HE’S OUT THERE (2018)
“On vacation at a remote lake house, a mother and her two young daughters must fight for survival after falling into a terrifying and bizarre nightmare conceived by a psychopath.”

YET ANOTHER psychopath conceiving nightmares for non-psychopaths. Not sure which orchestra I fall into.

Riot Girls

RIOT GIRLS (2018)
“Set in a world where adults have mysteriously died and resources are scarce, Riot Girls tells the story of a teenage girl who is called to action when her brother is captured by rivals and set to be executed. Joined by the girl who has always loved her, and the boy who wants to love her, the threesome tear through the crumbling suburbs on a violent road marked by sexual discovery, betrayal and brutal justice.”

Cool, but isn’t sexual discovery, betrayal and brutal justice pretty much the same thing anymore?

Darkness Visible

DARKNESS VISIBLE (2018)
“Londoner Ronnie embarks on a journey to India when his mother, Suleka, goes missing and mysteriously ends up in a Kolkata hospital. Before Ronnie can unravel the mystery of what brought his mother back to her homeland, Suleka dies in an apparent cult killing. Further deaths point to a series of past murders that stopped 28 years ago when Suleka left India with her infant son. Until now. As the darkness within Ronnie grows and the murders reach their peak, all roads lead to the feared witch of Kolkata’s insane asylum.”

I’ve been to Kolkata’s insane asylum. They must’ve changed the sign, as it now reads: The Tug Tavern. I did buy one of Kolkata’s T-shirts, though. Their branding looks a heckuva lot like Motorhead’s logo.

Zombie Justice, Vampire Detective, Saturn’s 7-Eleven

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pacific Rim: Uprising

A new poster for Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018). Looks nifty, although after watching the trailers this whole thing is starting to smell like one of those steaming mess Transformer movies. Giant robots fighting giant monsters from another dimension, though, still looks good on paper. So yeah, I’ll go see it.

Pacific Rim: Uprising

Until these machines get their metal groove on when the movie is released in March, 2018, here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be steaming messes…

Black Hollow Cage

BLACK HOLLOW CAGE (available now)
“A girl, who lives secluded in a house in the woods with the only company of her father and a wolfhound, finds among the trees a mysterious cubic device with the ability to change the past.”

I’m betting the “mysterious cubic device” is an outhouse. Logical when you see that outhouses have the ability to change the past as well. Ate a bad burrito last night and its causing havoc on your Lynyrd innards? Use the outhouse and presto! — you’ve been factory re-set and the past is (no pun intended) behind you.

RV: Resurrected Victims

RV: RESURRECTED VICTIMS (available now)
“In the near future, murder victims have begun coming back to life with the sole purpose of avenging their deaths. Jin-hong is a cold-hearted prosecutor who’s obsessed with catching the man that killed his mother. But when she returns home, intent on killing him, he quickly becomes the lead suspect.”

Neat twist on the zombie theme, even though they don’t use the Z word anywhere. But a rose by any other name…

Detective K: Secret of the Living Dead

DETECTIVE K: SECRET OF THE LIVING DEAD (February 16, 2018)
“When a series of unusual murders occurs, Detective K and his partner are once again called upon to solve the case. Along the way, he teams up with a beautiful woman with amnesia and together they discover vampire bite marks on all of the bodies. As they investigate further, they begin to realize that the woman is somehow closely connected to the deaths.”

Detective K. Cool name. Detective P? Not so much. And the beautiful woman with amnesia— they practically tell you she’s the vampire they’re looking for. Better to let her suck on a body part to make sure and… HEY — get your mind out of the gutter, you pervs. FYI: This one has an alternate title: Detective K: Secret of the Bloodsucking Demon. There is no part of that I don’t like.

The Titan

THE TITAN (APRIL 13, 2018)
“When Earth’s resources start rapidly depleting, the human race is faced with the threat of swift and inevitable extinction. As the clock ticks down, and options become increasingly limited, space exploration emerges as mankind’s last hope. Hotshot Air Force pilot, Rick Janssen is chosen for a military experiment that will create a human being capable of surviving the harsh environments of Saturn’s moon, Titan. The experiment is successful, turning Rick into a super-human. But it also creates deadly side-effects which threaten the lives of Rick, his wife, Abigail, his family, and possibly humanity itself.”

Crud — we drink up all of Earth’s resources and Titan, the largest of Saturn’s 62 moons, is the only lunar 7-Eleven™ we can go wreck? There are lots more planets closer. And since Saturn is 746 million miles away, at $3.09 average for a gallon of gas — and correctly assuming any space rocket would get at least 35 miles per gallon — it would take $2,360,760,000.00 to fill the tank. That would buy a lot of Romulan Ale.

P.S. I saw two release dates for this — one in April and, according to the poster, supposedly in May. Pick your fav month and go with that.

Literary Sharks, Cured Zombies, The Horror of Motels

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Meg: Generations

The question isn’t “who wants a poster of a giant shark?”, but rather who doesn’t want a poster of a giant shark?” (Every home should be outfitted with one.)

Meg: Revised

You can get said enlarged Carcharodon megalodon image if you’re one of the first 2,500 people to buy the book Meg: Generations (sixth in a series) by best-selling author Steve Alten. Like a fisherman with something on the hook, there’s a catch — the book has to sell 10,000 copies before the first 2,500 who pre-ordered, will get the glossy 24”x36” shark poster (hopefully rolled, not folded).

Meg: Hell's Aquarium

Here’s the book’s premise: “The story picks up after MEG: Nightstalkers (2016) with David Taylor in the Salish sea attempting to locate and rescue any surviving Megalodon pups before a local fisherman slaughters them. Meanwhile, Jonas is coerced into joining an expedition into the Panthalassa sea in search of a prehistoric predatory species possessing liver enzymes that can cure cancer.”

Meg: Primal Waters

A cure for cancer is cool. But the poster will cure boring walls. The book, in hardback form and not covered in shark skin as hoped, is available for pre-order by March 15, 2018. And if you buy the MEG 7 package, Steve will autograph your copy. I guess that’s neat, but I’d much rather have the poster signed by the shark. (Since sharks don’t have hands per say, simple chomp marks will suffice.)

The Friendless Shark

While you rush to Amazon.com to pre-order, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not bite…

Family Possessions

FAMILY POSSESSIONS (available now)
Rachael Dunn, a young girl, inherits the mansion of her estranged grandmother. Rachael and her family move into the house to start a new life, but once there strange and unexplained occurrences begin to happen. Rachael uncovers a secret that had been hidden from her and she soon realizes that some family secrets should remain…buried.”

I should inherit this mansion because I’m the family secret. And those “strange and unexplained” occurrences? Just me shampooing the carpet at 3:15AM. And no, that’s not a metaphor.

Looking Glass

LOOKING GLASS (February 16, 2018)
“Ray must save his wife and himself from a gruesome secret connected to a motel and the strange people who visit there.”

Possible spoiler: the gruesome secret in the motel is that they never wash the sheets. Ick doesn’t even begin to describe the horror.

The Cured

THE CURED (February 23, 2018)
What happens when the undead return to life? In a world ravaged for years by a virus that turns the infected into zombie-like cannibals, a cure is at last found and the wrenching process of reintegrating the survivors back into society begins. Among the formerly afflicted is Senan, a young man haunted by the horrific acts he committed while infected. Welcomed back into the family of his widowed sister-in-law, Senan attempts to restart his life — but is society ready to forgive him and those like him? Or will fear and prejudice once again tear the world apart?”

So what if you ate brain flesh when you were a zombie? That’s what zombies are supposed to do. It’s like the dumbass things you do when you’re drunk and then later sober up going, “Okay, who do I need to apologize to?” Own it.

Snowflake

SNOWFLAKE (2018)
Snowflake takes place in a Berlin set in the near future as gang members hunt down the murderer of their families and find themselves trapped inside a nightmarish fairytale contained within a screenplay written by a demented dentist. En route to justice, the individuals get sucked into a vicious circle of revenge and must contend with a cast of wicked characters ranging from assassins to madmen to a blood-soaked angel.”

I’ve hear the term “snowflake” tossed around a lot since the election, so I looked it up. Snowflake is “a term for someone who thinks they are unique and special, but really are not.” Which begs the question: can snowflakes be orange?

Bigtime Bigfoot, Erotic Horror, Giant Worms

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

It’s official — Bigfoot has finally made the big time. (Just kidding — BF’s always been the king.) I’m talking, though about the latest Sasquatch movie, called Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn, which makes its debut on Fathom Events’ one-night-only premier on the big screen on Tuesday, February 27, 2018. It must be a good movie for it have this kind of coming out party.

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

Here’s what goes down: “Lost deep in the forest of the Pacific Northwest, Ashley and Max Carr are stalked by a terrifying creature that might be Bigfoot. Soon they find themselves embroiled in a strange land of Native American myth and legend turned real. Hopelessly trying to survive, with a handful of unsavory locals, they must fight back against this monster in a desperate battle of life or death.”

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

Sounds cool. I hope Bigfoot turns ‘em all into outdoor oatmeal. Yeah, going to the movies has gotten really expensive over the last year. (Nearly $10 for a large popcorn? Gimme a break.) But hey, Bigfoot on a screen the size of a side of a house. Come to think of it, Bigfoot is the size of a side of a house as well. So I’m thinkin’ win/win.

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

If Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn isn’t playing near wherever you’re munching on a lot less expensive store-bought popcorn, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not deserve a shot at the big screen — unless you have a 60-inch TV. In which case, go about your business…

Compulsion

COMPULSION (March 6, 2018)
Sadie, a budding erotic novelist, is enticed by an ex-lover to join him and an enigmatic woman named Francesca at an Italian Villa. Once there, Sadie is confronted by the demons of her past as she becomes embroiled in a surreal game of murder and betrayal.”

Possible warning: There may be naked nudity in this one. Whenever the word “erotic” is used to describe a movie, you know pants are coming off. Speaking of, time for me to go take an erotic shower.

Children of the Corn: Runaway

CHILDREN OF THE CORN: RUNAWAY (March 13, 2018)
“A young pregnant woman named Ruth who escapes a murderous child cult in a small Midwestern town. She then spends the next decade living anonymously in an attempt to spare her son the horrors that she experienced as a child. She lands in the small Oklahoma town…but something is following her. Now, she must confront this evil or lose her child.”

This is the 10th (!) installment of the Corn-y Children, which began its unlikely run in 1984. That another one is coming out makes about as much sense as all those Amityville Horror movie sequels (20+ —yeesh!). Was never a fan, though. I do like corn, however.

A Quiet Place

A QUIET PLACE (April 6, 2018)
“A family lives an isolated existence in utter silence, for fear of an unknown threat that follows and attacks at any sound.”

The trailer for this one is crazy cool. The family soundproofed their lives so they don’t call down whatever evil icky thing wants to deathify ‘em, going so far as to learn sign language to communicate. But what happens after a nice quiet dinner eating healthy steamed broccoli and someone farts? I’ve heard of passing gas as being “silent but deadly,” but this time it’s for real.

Tremors: A Cold Day In Hell

TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL (2018)
“The sequel finds Burt Gummer and his son Travis at a remote research station, where they must go up against Graboids that have been converted into living weapons.”

The 6th installment of the people-eating underground giant worm creatures. These “Graboids” can hear you tromping around topside, hone in your dinner bell and swish — nothin’ but neck. Hey, maybe Graboids are the monsters in The Quiet Place. Food for thought. Heh.

Cloverfield in Space, The Search for Bigfoot, Mutant Fish ‘n Chips

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Cloverfield Paradox

The big horror/sci-fi news came on the cleated heels of Superbowl LIIThe Cloverfield Paradox (2018), a highly anticipated installment in the Cloverfield franchise — showed up on Netflix™ the second the world’s most overpaid football game ended. This caused my blood pressure to go off the charts as the movie was first titled God Particle. Then it had a movie theater release date, but scrapped that a the last minute and put it up on Netflix™. I did what anyone would do in this situation — drink a refreshing adult beverage to regain self control, and then watched it.

Here’s the premise…

“An American space station that, after an accident with a particle accelerator, suddenly finds that Earth has vanished altogether. Things get stranger when they then pick up traces of another space station nearby.”

The Cloverfield Paradox

Rather bland considering it was meant to tie up loose ends left loose by Cloverfield (2008) and 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016). But critics were not impressed and had this to say about the admittedly confusing movie: “A trainwreck of a sci-fi flick bent on extending a franchise that should have died a peaceful death almost exactly one decade ago…”Hollywood Reporter; “While there are a handful of nifty sequences and good performances overall, this feels like a blown-out pilot for one of those SyFy™ series you always mean to get around to but never do…”Thrillist; and more succinctly, The Cloverfield Paradox is an unholy mess…”The Guardian. Ouch.

The Cloverfield Paradox

Whether or not you watch it and decide to go all mob mentality on The Cloverfield Paradox, here are a few more just released and upcoming horror and sci-fi documentaries/movies that may or may not turn out to be an unholy mess…

Expedition SasquatchEXPEDITION SASQUATCH (available now)
“A new documentary about the Sasquatch of Nordegg, Alberta. This area has become increasingly popular among Bigfoot researchers and enthusiasts due to the baffling tree structures that can be found in the area.”

Checked on Expedia.com and I can fly from Seattle, to Nordegg, Alberta — round-trip — for $296 smackos. Once in Nordegg (that name sounds so mad up), I’ll be able to Air BnB it with my ‘ol pal, Bigfoot. It’d be cool if he had some Unibroue La Fin Du Monde on ice waitin’ for me. That stuff is 9% alcohol and a few bottles of that will have you seeing mythical monsters all over the place.

Asylum of Fear

ASYLUM OF FEAR (available now)
“When a team of paranormal investigators is hired to inspect a soon-to-be demolished mental institution, they discover horrifying clues that reveal the cause of a violent massacre by an insane doctor in the 1960s.”

Don’t they know mental institutions are supposed to be abandoned and subsequently haunted and not knocked down to make room for YET ANOTHER Starbucks™? Still, the generic Asylum of Fear makes sense that the place was f’d up by an insane doctor. At least he was in the right place. You don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.

The Barge People

THE BARGE PEOPLE (2018)
“Set on the canals amid the glorious British countryside, two sisters and their boyfriends head off for a relaxing weekend away on a barge, unaware of the flesh-eating fish mutants lurking in the water, ready and waiting to feed.”

Flesh-eating fish mutants lining up to dine on barge food? Do fries go with that? Regardless, I’d like to reserve a table, close to the docks, if possible.

November

NOVEMBER (2018)
“The story is set in a pagan Estonian village where werewolves, the plague, and spirits roam. The villagers’ main problem is how to survive the cold, dark winter. And, to that aim, nothing is taboo. People steal from each other, from their German manor lords, and from spirits, the devil, and Christ. To guard their souls, they’ll give them away to thieving creatures made of wood and metal called Kratts, who help their masters by stealing more.”

The trailer for this is very art house-y. But gotta say, the wood and metal Kratt creatures are pretty cool and candidates for McDonald’s Happy Meal™ toys. (Last Happy Meal™ I got had a toy napkin in the box. Sure, those things are fun to play with, but I wanted a Cloverfield action figure, dang it.

Cash For Monsters, Paranormal TV, Legal Killers

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bigfoot

Here’s a slick piece of marketing — Capcom™, maker of video games — has created a promotion around Monster Hunter: World, which has already sold over 5 million copies. Teaming with The Centre of Fortean Zoology founder Jonathan Downes, Capcom™ is offering £50,000 ($70,000 USD) “to anyone who can provide conclusive evidence of one of 10 real-life monsters”.

Owlman

Fellas, get out your checkbook — of the 10 monsters, I have proof of 11. (I put Bigfoot on there twice, because he’s twice as cool as any other cryptid.) If you wanna get in on this paranormal payday action, here’s the list of Capcom’s™ Most Wanted…

• Bigfoot

• The Loch Ness Monster

• Mongolian Death Worm

• Mermaid

• Earth Hound

• The Yeti/Almasty

• Chupacabra

• The Flying Snake of Namibia

• Yowie

• Cornish Owlman

In their press release, Capcom™ says before they cough up the coin, you must provide proof of one of these monsters by June 20, 2018 in order to clock some dollaz. (After receiving the evidence, Downes and his team will analyze it, and any hunter who provides definite proof will be awarded the prize, with multiple winners splitting the pot.)

Mongolian Death Worm

Just so you know, I’m not splitting my winnings with anyone. My bar tab ain’t gonna pay for itself. (Hint: In bars is where I found most of the monsters. But look in Taco Bell™ restroom toilets for Mongolian Death Worms.)

While you get an expedition together, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth hunting down…

Red Eye

RED EYE (February 9, 2018)
Gage Barker, a young man who grew up on the tales of Red Eye as a kid, learns that there could be some truth behind these folk tales. This myth covers a violent, deranged masked murderer, who dwells in the backwoods of Black Creek, West Virginia. With a group of his friends and his camera equipment in tow, they hike into the woods to seek him out or to prove that he is nothing more than a myth.”

Violent deranged masked murderer. Four words that go together as seamlessly as “super fun happy slide.” As for the friends going into the woods to look for Red Eye (he has a conjunctivitis prone sister — Pink Eye), I call dibs on anything cool you might own.

Unsane

UNSANE (March 23, 2018)
“A young woman is involuntarily committed to a mental institution. She is then confronted by her greatest fear…but is it real or is it a product of her delusion?”

Word around the produce aisle is that this movie was shot entirely on an iPhone™. Pfffft — anyone can do that because everybody in the freaking grocery store has an iPhone™. Want to really make an impression? Trying filming a horror movie using only two empty cans of Del MonteCreamed Corn™ tethered by a long piece of wax string. All bars in all places.

The First Purge

THE FIRST PURGE (July 4, 2018)
“Behind every tradition lies a revolution. Next Independence Day, witness the rise of our country’s 12 hours of annual lawlessness. Welcome to the movement that began as a simple experiment: The First Purge. To push the crime rate below one percent for the rest of the year, the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) test a sociological theory that vents aggression for one night in one isolated community. But when the violence of oppressors meets the rage of the marginalized, the contagion will explode from the trial-city borders and spread across the nation.”

Thanks to the current political climate, this prequel makes perfect sense. But they’re overlooking the irony; the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) are the ones creating the public’s aggressive behavior. Why else would the clearly Republican paperboy flip me off every day? (Okay, I may have started it. But he should be the bigger person here, the punk.)

Our House

OUR HOUSE (2018)
“A young genius accidentally invents a device that amplifies the paranormal activity within his family’s house, possibly bringing back the spirits of loved ones, and unleashing things far worse.”

Uh, no — the “young genius” didn’t invent a paranormal activating amplification device. It’s already been around for multiple decades — and it’s called a “TV”. While mine doesn’t bring back spirits of dead people, if you get the expanded programming package, you can unleash all kinds of things, far worse and beyond.