Archive for the Classic Horror Category

Gruesome Gingerbread, Bowling Gremlins, Army of Monsters

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hereditary (2018) was not only a deliciously shocking and f’d up acclaimed horror movie, it’s also edible. And by edible, I mean, you can eat it — now that its inspired a gingerbread house modeled after the movie’s famous final scene in a treehouse. You know the one — where (SPOILER — RUN AWAY!) Charlie is possessed and his mom’s headless corpse is in the treehouse with him, as is his sister’s (SPOILER ALERT — KEEP RUNNING!) head, which is also a nice addition to the tasteful treehouse decor. 

Here’s the yummy details: “A24 is selling the Hereditary Gingerbread Treehouse Kit, which includes a cast iron mold plate, along with a plastic treehouse base, recipe card, instruction booklet, and a tealight to illuminate your treehouse at night. Made from food-safe plastic, the base includes a forest-floor textured base plate, four ‘birch’ legs, a platform, and a ladder.” The price? A head-chopping $62.00.

The Hereditary Gingerbread Treehouse Kit ships December 16, 2022. That’s this year in case it slipped your…HEAD. So while you rush to order it (click this), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as tasty as killer gingerbread

SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA 2 / December 2, 2022 (Full Moon Features Streaming)

“The babes are back! And so is everyone’s favorite wish-grantin’, murder-lovin’ mischievous gremlin, the Imp. The Pi Epsilon Delta sorority house has seen better days, but the girls are intent on gaining some new recruits. With housemother Auntie Snake as their guide, the naughty hijinks and hilarity begin. Meanwhile, though, the Bowl-O-Rama bowling alley has had a break-in, and a breakout. With the escape of the magical and murderous Imp, it’s a fight for survival, with only one mysterious girl holding the answers to the riddle of the Imp’s wish.”

The original Sorority Babes In The Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama came out in 1988 and showed women’s panties and chestular areas. Didn’t need the lingerie section of the Sears™ catalogue after that.

THE DEATH OF APRIL / December 9, 2022 (VOD)

“Meagan Mullen, freshly moved into her East Coast home, keeps in touch with her friends and family through a video blog. As her entries — and her life — become more complex and emotional, strange things begin to happen in her apartment and the camera captures all of it.”

Here’s an example of one of her video blogs: “Rewatched The Handmaid’s Tale…washed hair again…drank wine and shopped on Amazon.com…found yet another ghost caught in the dryer’s lint trap…”

HOW TO KILL MONSTERS / release pending 2023 (VOD)

Jamie Lancaster is the sole survivor of a blood-drenched massacre at a remote cabin in the woods. Claiming her friends were torn apart and eaten by a horrific monster, she’s arrested by the local cops and locked up for a crime she didn’t commit. Jamie’s claims of innocence are all too real when the entire police station is ripped from our reality and thrown into a nightmarish dimension of Lovecraftian creatures hungry for human flesh. Jamie must team up with a bunch of rookie cops and lawbreakers to hack and slash their way through an army of monsters and find a way to get back home before it is too late.”

Sounds like the cousin to 2011’s Cabin In The Woods. That one had every monster ever created in it, with a really big one at the end. I shan’t spoil it for you…EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO.

BAD ACID / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“An accidental bad trip goes heinously awry into the land of neon and spandex. A very Heathers-esque accidental ingestion turns the neon assault of a teen girl’s bedroom into a fluorescent (well-toned) hellscape.”

Don’t do drugs or you’ll end up in jail wearing neon-colored spandex, much to the delight of lifer inmates.

Grisly Game, Hell’s Flophouse, Holiday Varmint

Posted in Vampires, Werewolves, Evil, Classic Horror, Slashers, Foreign Horror, paranormal with tags , , , , , on November 28, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre came out in 1974 and almost overnight became one of the most notorious and shocking movies ever made, despite the fact a victim being sawed into barbecue fixins by the human-skin masked Leatherface was never shown. Sure, you heard the shrieks and the revving chainsaw, but you didn’t get to see the gory-fied action. Behold, the power of suggestion.

Now, nearly five decades later, you finally get the chance to play out your “death by power tool” fantasies with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Game. And at $59.95, which was ironically more than TCM’s film budget, you can afford to. Beats paying to see all nine of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s crappy sequels. Here’s what your coveted pocket coupons will get you…

Trick or Treat Studios™ introduces The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Game from designer Scott Rogers with illustrations by Terry Wolfinger. The players’ van has run out of gas, leaving them stranded and at the mercy of the Slaughter family. Work together and push your luck to escape. In this cooperative game, all players win or lose as a group. Pull tokens from a gruesome bag to take actions — but be careful, pulling too many may antagonize the Slaughter family.”

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Game is set to ship March 31, 2023 — preorder it HERE. While we’re getting in the mood by going to a hardware store and buying (or “purchasing”) the Poulan™ 306a saw (the model used in the movie), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not leave you feeling like you just got a haircut with a power tool…

THE HOUSE THAT EATS FLESH / Out now (VOD)

“There is a house that has been passed down from generation to generation, but it isn’t just any ordinary house. This house is built on the Gates of Hell. A group of friends desperate to have a nice holiday together will discover the truth of what goes on inside. The doors are locked, the windows are barred — and something sinister is breaking through the floor.”

A house built on the Gates of Hell. Well, dang — they finally made a movie about the Tug Tavern.

THE MEAN ONE / December 9, 2022 (Theaters/Limited), December 15, 2022 (free online)

“In a sleepy mountain town, Cindy has her parents murdered and her Christmas stolen by The Mean One — a bloodthirsty green figure in a red Santa suit . But when the ravenous, Christmas hating creature begins to terrorize the town and threatens to ruin the holiday, she finds a new purpose — trapping and killing the monster.”

Bloodthirsty green figure. I bet its the Green Goblin. Or Green Lantern. Or Shrek. Or Kermit the Frog. Or the incredible Hulk, who is more than noticeably green. I’m calling for a police lineup. 

WOLF MANOR / January 9, 2023 (DVD & Digital Download)

“Shooting a vampire flick in an old, abandoned manor house should have worked like a dream, but the British film crew is out of their depth, over schedule and desperate to get the shoot finished and go home. However, as the moon turns full, the nightmare begins. Blood flows and the body count rises as cast and crew meet the manor’s resident werewolf.”

Werewolves rarely mind their manors. Heh.

BRIDE OF THE KILLER PIÑATA / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“10 years after finally defeating the Killer Piñata, Lindsey Goodman finds herself struggling with domestic life in the suburbs. When a new piñata arrives looking for help, the Killer Piñata wakes, mentoring her in its murderous ways and reigning hell down on the suburbs. With her family in the cross-hairs, Lindsey must rally the old crew one last time to send the Killer Piñata back to Hell for good.”

Okay…what? I really hope Lindsay’s old crew is rally-able as having the Killer Piñata casing the suburbs devalues everyone’s cul-de-sac.

Supernatural Beer, Carnival Chaos, Zombies vs. Teens

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 25, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

There’s a House of Mystery comic. There’s a House of Secrets comic. But did you know there’s a House of Mysterious Secrets website, that not only sells comics, but a plethora of horror-themed memorabilia, from shirts, lunch boxes and pot holders, to bottle openers, paint sets and air fresheners? Hell yep, there is.

Mind you, this is only a paragraphed summation. When you go to houseofmysterioussecrets.com website, you’ll find a veritable Wonderland of everyday items emboldened with everything from A Nightmare on Elm Street, Godzilla, Hellraiser, Universal Monsters, Elvira, Jaws, Evil Dead, Halloween and Chucky. And even that’s just scratching the itchy surface. 

On the gift list for MYSELF is An American Werewolf in London lunch box (packed with shredded British bologna sandwiches), a Teen Wolf action figure (kinda like looking at myself), the Beetlejuice Sandworm Metal Bottle Opener (to crack a bottle of Budweiser™ Juice with it), a Nosferatu Commerative Medallion Coin (to trade for more Budweiser™ Juice), a Frankenhooker wall tapestry (made of Spank Bank material), and a Return of the Living Dead air freshener, because, hey, flesh isn’t very pleasant to sniff, let along snack on.

While you spend ALL your holiday cash on all the above, here’s a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as cool as a Jaws vaccine card holder

THE BLACKLIGHT / Out now (VOD)

“Despite trying to leave behind a life of crime, Danny reluctantly teams with naïve rich kid Liam and wildcard drug dealer Kit Viper for a robbery that leaves them in possession of a mysterious supernatural artifact with immense power.”

A supernatural artifact with immense power. Sounds like they stole a 40 oz. bottle of Steel Reserve™.

THE CHAMBER OF TERROR / December 1, 2022 (VOD)

“Nash Caruthers is on a deadly collision course with the people that tore his world apart…along with something unexpected. Something far more sinister.”

The “Chamber of Terror” in this movie is a dilapidated carnival attraction. So where do I buy a ticket to ride it? Better yet, I’ll just get a Dizzy Pass™ and make fun happen.

NIGHT OF THE COMET / December 1, 2022 (Shudder™)

A huge comet passes near the Earth, nearly vaporizing the whole planet. Only a few teenagers, who were inside a steel movie projection booth, survive — all those outside were turned to dust. But a few partially exposed people are now hideous bloodthirsty zombies — and they begin a deadly hunt for the last remaining humans.”

Only teenagers survive. I feel sorry for the zombies.

FEAR / January 27, 2023 (Theaters)

“A group of friends gather for a much-needed weekend getaway at a remote and historic hotel. Celebration turns into terror as one by one, each guest faces their own worst fear.”

The guests at a fancy pants hotel faces their worst fears. What could that be — no room service? No minibar in their executive suite? No mint on their Pacific Coast Hotel TRIA Down & Feather Pillows™? Life must be a living Hell for them.

Lost Bigfoot, Killer Clown, Zombie Thanksgiving

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The movie Sasqua (1975) has possibly the best plot ever: “A hippie commune is attacked by cryptids.” I read that and started crying tears of happiness. FINALLY, someone is doing something about all those stink hippies stinkin’ up the woods and, by extension, the entire world.

Before you break out the champagne (or Miller High Life — The Champagne of Beers™), you can’t watch this movie. Why? Because it only played for about two days at a local theater in Massachusetts back in the ’70s and was never seen again. (FYI: There were a lot of hippies in those days — and every day since.)

But dry your eyes — there’s a documentary called Sasqu — The Lost Bigfoot Film of Massachusetts being worked on as we speak. Here are the details: “Described by The Boston Globe as an obscure horror movie about a hippie commune attacked by cryptids,’ the elusive Sasqua has never seen the light of day outside of a brief and localized theatrical release back in the 1970s, and filmmaker John Campopiano has set out to uncover as much information, and as many relevant interview subjects, as he possibly can.”

While we wait for this Oscar™ contender and celebrate Bigfoot’s efforts for eradicating those who stink and have deprived themselves the glory of the washcloth, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of being spared by the glory of cryptids

MY APOCALYPTIC THANKSGIVING / Out now (VOD, Apple TV™)

“A zombie-obsessed, special needs adult searches for his absent mom while a Korean family and gang compete to be his family. But he teaches everyone forgiveness with the help of his favorite zombie television show.”

Zombies are synonymous with forgiveness, so this one should be bloody heartwarming.

MISTER CREEP / December 5, 2022 (VOD)

“Three college students stumble upon a lost television broadcast of a deceased serial killer and search for its location. They discover a nightmarish cover-up of a clown-faced man who killed hundreds and may still be around long after his death.”

A clown-faced man who killed hundreds. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

THE CHRISTMAS TAPES / December 16, 2022 (VOD)

“In this Christmas horror anthology, a family’s movie night on Christmas Eve is interrupted by a stranger insistent on making the next Christmas ‘classic’ film himself.”

I’m ready for my close-up. Just let me quaff a few pitchers of “holiday cheer” to get in the zone.

#FLOAT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“When a vlogger and her crew embark on their annual river float to commemorate the untimely loss of their friend, they are plunged into a life and death battle with a mysterious local, a sinister paranormal force, and their own fears.”

YET ANOTHER “social media” horror movie. This means it #sucks.

Monster Boat, UFO Lyft, Shark Sham

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, paranormal, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

It’s called Pangeos, a Kaiju-sized, solar-powered floating city that can hold 60,000 people and sail indefinitely around the world with no emissions. The same cannot be said for Gamera and/or Godzilla, as emissions or “radioactive bodily discharges,” are part of their weapons arsenal. With those kinds of stats, though, no one should get sticker shock at the vessel’s “eight years to build, $8 billion to make” price tag.

From Lazzarini Design Studio’s website, the designers behind this staggering monolithic concept: “Pangeos is named in honor of the Pangea super-continent that existed millions of years ago during the late Paleozoic and early Mesozoic eras.” I didn’t understand a word of that. But Lazzarini, whose name sounds like an expensive Italian cocktail garnished with a bread stick, says the colossal catamaran “is a mix between a five-star resort, a cruise ship and a city, and can accommodate as many as 60,000 guests via a combination of villas and apartments. Other highlights include a rooftop mall, sprawling gardens, several pools and a supersized beach club. Naturally, the yacht is fitted with helipads, hangars and marinas to store choppers, toys and tenders.” Naturally. 

The boat is obviously inspired by Pacific Rim’s (2013) Jaegers (gigantic humanoid mechas — “To beat monsters, we had to build monsters”). As such, the Gamera-shaped floating city that can hold tens of thousands of screaming citizens, is a next-level boat, referred to as a Teryacht, which could easily be a name of a new Godzilla foe (or “nemesis”). Heck, the gargantuan gondola is so big, it could host at least 100 Gyaos on Spring Break.

In rough seas, the next sound you’ll hear is 60,000 people throwing up in unison. So while we wait for Pangeos to be built, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not need Dramamine™ to watch…

MISSING 411: THE UFO CONNECTION / December 13, 2022 (VOD)

“In his third documentary, David Paulides reveals the first evidence documenting a link between UFOs and missing people.”

They’re not missing — they did a UFO ride-share to get off this toilet Earth

LULLABY / December 16, 2022 (VOD)

“A new mother discovers a lullaby in an ancient book and soon regards the song as a blessing. But her world transforms into a nightmare when the lullaby brings forth the ancient demon Lilith.”

All the really good lullabies are found in ancient books. That’s why they’re so in popular with new mothers. They get ‘em at ScaryMommy.com. Bet you didn’t know that’s a real website.

WATCHDOG / release pending 2023 (VOD)

“After narrowly escaping an armed robbery, Travis Wilkes invites the drifter who saved him back to the isolated home where he and his girlfriend reside, not realizing that he’s opened the door to a night of terror and brutal revenge.”

You want a night of brutality and terror, open the door to the Tug Tavern.

SHARK TRAP / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

Every summer, the little island town of Ocean Point stirs with new life and pleasure-seeking vacationists. A water park is opening against the wishes of the local islanders. Nefarious business dealings leave a dead body in the water — and it draws a shiver of sharks to the area. The amusement park becomes a feeding ground for a great white shark.”

I thought a feeding ground WAS an amusement park for a shark. Given the over-chewed plot, clearly this is a shark movie made by people who’ve never seen a shark movie.

Goth Threads, Bloodthirsty Lawnmower, Ghost Barge

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Gold brocade laced pants? Black jacquard waistcoat? Sapphire waist cincer corset? The fashion monster inside me wants out of its cage, all because I clicked on DraculaClothing.com. This clothing site, for all who live in the Darkness (or a drafty 450 ft one-bedroom apartment with insensitive neighbors), is one-stop shopping for vampire, Goth, and steampunk suits, dresses, coats, ties, jewelry, accessories, corsets, and more.

Located in the Czech Republic, Dracula Clothing’s elegantly evil fashions will unleash your inner cosplay or further define your style esthetic, all at extremely affordable prices. (Under $200 dollars, or “Romanian Lei.”) And hey, free worldwide shipping. Minunat!

Who wouldn’t want to go to a snooty masquerade ball dressed to kill in a black brocade long vest with matching velvet officer pants, an onyx tie and a rhinestone skull necklace while you hover around the buffet table, looking to bite the necks of chilled shrimp appetizers? Now THAT would be freakin’ dernier cri!

While we go to DraculaClothing.com for a neck-to-nut, creature of the night wardrobe upgrade, here are a few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be stylish in the day OR night…

BLADES IN THE DARKNESS / Out now (VOD
“Tirana 1997. The chaos left by the fall of Communism has opened the doors to a bloody civil war. Matia, just a teenager, is harassed by his playmates. In an attempt to escape, he hides inside an abandoned bunker. In that spooky building, Matia will be the first to discover something scary and unthinkable that will change his whole life…a bloodthirsty horror armed with deadly blades.”

Sounds like my lawnmower has been moonlighting

MASK OF THE DEVIL / Out now (VOD)

“An intern in a porn movie production battles against the evil powers inhabiting an ancient tribal mask.”

I would very much like to be an intern on a porn movie production. Heck, I’ll pay them to hire me. Please. Don’t make me beg.

TERROR TALK / Out Now (Tubi™)

“When a virus outbreak causes widespread panic, a doomsday prepper retreats into his new house, believing that he’s safe from the dangers outside. He soon discovers his house is haunted by terrifying ghosts.”

Tough call — germs outside, ghosts inside. But it boils down to this: germs will make you a ghost, whereas ghosts can’t transmit germs. So yeah, new roommates. Problem solved. 

THE HAUNTING OF LADY-JANE / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

The peaceful waterways of the English countryside are plagued by legends of Ràn — a water spirit who collects the bodies of sinful people along the river. After a disturbing incident left Lily emotionally scarred and estranged from her parents she decides to begin her life again. Now a socially aware writer on female empowerment, she decides to tour the country with Zara, whose journey of self-identity has led her to fully explore life. Lily met Zara through her blog, they decided to become travel companions. They see a chance to travel on a barge the Lady-Jane on the English canals. The journey upriver becomes increasingly bizarre and dangerous when canal ghosts surfaces, and the spirit known as Ràn torments them on their journey.

You know how to torment that super mean Ràn fellow? Pee and/or urinate over the side of the barge into the canal, or “British lap pool.”

The Artistry of Horror, Dracula’s Cousin, Ghost Sex

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Ghosts, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

People imbued with the power of being able to read, and specifically this blog, know I’m a huge fan of horror movie poster art and the infinity more talented than me artists who design them. While many horror movie ad sheets are created in Photoshop (I learned PS in order to put my head on Chippendale™ dancer’s bodies), the best ones are hand-illustrated and often better than the movies themselves.

Here’s a select batch of some truly dazzling and ingenious takes on horror/sci-fi movies and links (click the artist names) to view some amazing portfolios. The Nope poster above was illustrated by Gilbert Posters (no relation, but that doesn’t stop me from implying credit during Happy Hour gatherings). The art for Smile was done by the insanely talented Nuno Sarnadas (who also did the posters for Prey and Aliens below).

Keith Goulette designed the wicked Black Phone art and you can find him swimming happily among a sea of other talented designers one redbubble.com. (Click his name to explore a whole new world of visual horror). Jack Gregory did the jaw-dropping Evil Dead art, as well as the freakishly beautiful art for Dawn of the Dead and Halloween Ends (click to see his portfolio). The It poster, which should’ve been used by the movie studio, was designed by Jorge Teles, who also did numerous takes on Batman.

While we’re not worthy and should throw away our design tools (for me it’s crayons, felt pen laundry markers, Etch A Sketch™), here are a few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not need new cover art done with laundry markers…

THE CURSE OF DRACULA / Out now (VOD/DVD)

“Two small-time crooks scam tourists by organizing a guided tour of a creepy manor house rumored to be haunted by the cousin of Count Dracula. Their first group consist of a Swedish Satanist, two French Goths and a Russian porn director. But the tour descends into bloody chaos when they are confronted by a mysterious phantom wielding a circular saw.”

Dracula has a cousin? The Swedish are Satanists? The French are Goths? Russians are into porn? What kind of world did I just wake up in? Guess I’ll have to start hanging out with normal people, like that ghost guy with the gasoline-powered power tool. He seems cool.

AMITYVILLE THANKSGIVING / Out now (VOD)

“Jackie and Danny’s marriage has taken a turn for the worst. They turn to what they believe to be their only option, Amityville Couples Counselor Frank Domonico, a doctor with a hidden, sinister past, who recommends an isolated cabin retreat. Little do they know that the doctor plans to end their sessions, as well as their lives, with a devilish Thanksgiving dinner — and them as the main course!

So they’re gonna eat the unhappy, fighting married couple. Bet they’ll taste bitter. Heh. They can be washed down with Annulment Ale, though. That should make everyone very…hoppy.

PARASENSE: THE NAKED EXPERIMENTS / Out now (VOD)

Paranormal veteran, Ross Allison, focuses his attention on the physical aspects of being touched by a ghost. His struggle to prove these phenomena takes a crucial turn when a real scientist and inventor, Chad Goodwin, joins his team as they take naked subjects into the most haunted sites known for supernatural physical contact.”

The best part about having intimate relations with a poltergeist is you can ghost ’em afterward. 

EXORCIST BLOODLINE / Out now (VOD)

“After moving back into her childhood home, a young woman is possessed by a depraved evil spirit masquerading as her dead mother and must battle to save her mind, body and soul.”

For some of us, it’d be hard to differentiate between a depraved evil spirit and a deceased mom. Not me, though. My mom rocks. (Had to say that, as she reads this blog, and I don’t want to be sent to my room…YET AGAIN.)

Evil Shindig, Teen Dead Speak, Human BBQ

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, paranormal, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Without hyperbole, this could be the best party ever in the history of the world: BruceFest, a three-day horror fan extravaganza featuring the legendary Bruce Campbell (Evil Dead — all of ‘em) and Ted Raimi (Evil Dead II, Ash vs Evil Dead, Deathly Spirits, Drag Me To Hell, lots more), is being held at Estes Park, Colorado’s Stanley Hotel (aka, The Overlook Hotel)…the one in The Shining (1980). From the mouth of The Bruce himself: “The Stanley inspired Stephen King to write The Shining when he stayed there. I love the fact that it’s supposed to be haunted.”

Here are the details: “Join us December 1— 3, 2022 for an intimate weekend with Bruce Campbell, Ted Raimi and 350 true fans, featuring Watch With… live commentary movie screenings, game rooms, Sam Raimi prop collection, photo and signing ops, immersive altered reality game & scavenger hunt, cosplay costume contest, Dance of the Dead, and more!”

“Purchase your pass with a 3-night stay at The Stanley and you’ll get: a BruceFest 2022 poster, signed by Bruce! A photo with The King himself (that’s Bruce!), a $100 PER NIGHT food & beverage credit, and a limited edition BruceFest + Stanley Hotel swag bag! Book your hotel stay now by calling (970) 577-4076. The price? A mere $650, which, if you act NOW, can get a 2-for-1 ticket deal. Groovy! Needless to say, there’s a ton MORE information on the Stanley Hotel website (click here).

While we figure out YET ANOTHER weak excuse to borrow money from someone’s parents/bank/mafia to get tickets, here are few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be rentable on haunted hotel room TV screens…  

GROTESQUE / Out now (Tubi™)

“Mildred Moyer transforms from shy misfit to lovable psychopath when her back-alley plastic surgery is botched. Mildred unleashes brutal vengeance on all those who tormented her in the past.”

Lovable psychopath. That was my childhood nickname. Okay, probably not the “lovable” part. Just replace that word with “sh*thead.”

DARBY AND THE DEAD / December 2, 2022 (Hulu™)

After suffering a near-death experience as a young girl, Darby Harper gains the ability to see dead people. As a result, she becomes introverted and shut off from her high school peers and prefers to spend time counseling lonely spirits who have unfinished business on Earth. But all that changes when Capri, the Queen Bee of the school’s most exclusive clique, unexpectedly dies in a freak hair straightening accident, resulting in the obvious cancellation of her upcoming ‘Sweet 17.’ Capri, however, pleads with Darby from the other side to intervene and convince Capri’s friends to proceed with the party as planned. In order to appease the wrath of the undead diva, Darby must emerge from her self-imposed exile and reinvent herself — which along the way allows her to find new joy back in the land of the living.”

Even in death, teens are annoying. But spirit counseling the dead has been done before (looking in your direction The Sixth Sense/1999). Still, anticipating the “freak hair straightening” accident. Wonder if it’ll be as harsh as that time I tried it. Totally f’d up my Lemmy sideburns AND emo soul patch as well during the unexpectedly painful process. Probably shouldn’t have used Simple Green™.

HUMAN HIBACHI 2: FEAST IN THE FOREST / Release pending 2022 (VOD)

“A clan that lives deep in the woods have a taste for flesh. Through different tactics they find ways to lure unsuspecting campers or those that trespass on their land to their camp where they party and then butcher them for a good home cooked meal.”

Sounds twice as mouthwatering as Human Hibachi (2020), though I’d like to take a look at the menu to see what the appetizers and side dishes are.

HE NEVER LEFT / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Gabriel is a criminal on the run with his girlfriend Carly. The couple seek shelter in a run-down motel, only to hear terrifying noises emanating from the adjoining room. Soon, they find themselves the unlucky target of the Pale Face Killer, a masked murderer who has been tormenting the small town for years.”

Terrifying noises emanating in run-down motels are called amenities.

A Kaiju Reborn, Airborne Apes, Post-Puberty Exorcist

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, paranormal, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Gods of All That Is Kaiju have FINALLY answered my last call prayers. Gamera, one of the greatest giant monsters ever in the history of ever (spinning Frisbee™ flight abilities, plasma flames blasting out of mouth AND butthole area, Osmond-sized teeth), is coming back after being in hibernation since 2006. Kadokawa Daiei Studio and Netflix™ just announced they’re working on a project called Gamera: Rebirth for 2023. After I post this blog, I’ll need to go swap out my under garments because, you know…

From Joblow.com: “A giant, fire-breathing, prehistoric turtle monster, Gamera was first introduced to audiences in the 1965 film Gamera, the Giant Monster, which begins with an atomic bomb waking him from a long slumber in the Arctic. Over the next six years, Gamera returned in Gamera vs. Barugon, Gamera vs. Gyaos, Gamera vs. Viras, Gamera vs. Guiron, Gamera vs. Jiger, and Gamera vs. Zigra. When the studio was struggling with financial issues in 1980, they cut together a bunch of stock footage Gamera: Super Monster. Gamera then took a fifteen year break before being brought back in a trilogy of films directed by Shusuke Kaneko. Those were Gamera: Guardian of the Universe, Gamera 2: Attack of Legion, and Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris. The most recent film was 2006’s Gamera the Brave.”

While we look for a time machine to transport us to the premier of Gamera: Rebirth’s exact day and time in 2023, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not taste as good as giant prehistoric turtle soup

ALL EYES / Out now (VOD)

“Allen hosts a podcast about strange people and paranormal phenomena. One day, he gets fired from his job. He’s totally distraught, but soon enough, he comes across a case that just might revitalize his career. He’s contacted by a widowed farmer named Don who claims there’s a monster living in the woods near his house, so Allen travels to the man’s home to interview him and see him capture the beast.”

WTF?!? Monsters live in the woods? Dang — I live right next to some woods. This really upsets my stomach area. Sure, Bigfoot lives in there as well, but he’s not really a monster. He’s more of a Naturalist/organic hippie free spirit who just happens to occasionally scare the kale outta people.

CRYO / Out now (VOD)

“In an underground facility, five scientists wake from cryosleep with no memory of who they are or how long they’ve been asleep. They soon make a shocking realization: a killer is hunting them down there, and may even be hiding among them.”

Waking up with no memory of who they are or how long they’ve been asleep sounds like they had an epic night at the Tug Tavern instead of an underground facility.

GALE: STAY AWAY FROM OZ / Pending release 2022/2023

“Long gone are the days of emerald cities and yellow brick roads in this dark re-imagining of The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy Gale is now an elderly woman, broken by years of paranormal entanglement with a mystical realm, which has now echoed down to her only living relative, Emily, who is being called to settle unfinished business in this terrifying world of Oz.”

Hoping this one is as bloodthirsty and barbaric as the 1939 original. It better not have dork dancing and ear gouging song interludes, though. Crossing fingers for flying monkeys.

BLOOD FLOWER / Release pending 2023 (Shudder™)

“Iqbal, a 16-year-old apprentice faith healer and exorcist, is tormented by visions of the dead and spirits from other dimensions. When a malicious spirit begins to wreak havoc around him, Iqbal is forced to harness his supernatural gifts to save his family and friends.”

A 16-year-old exorcist/faith healer who can see the dead from other dimensions. At 16 I was a paperboy.

Monster Face, Skin Snacks, Braless Bloodshed

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Have you ever wanted to look like Godzilla but found that plastic surgery and/or being exposed to radiation is just to darn too costly? Super7™ has your back (and face) with their slick, fully-licensed Godzilla mask, priced at an easily-borrowed $20. Having a Godzilla mug not enough? Super7™ also has Hedorah and Mechagodzilla masks as well. Get all three for $60 to switch up your game — then go out on the town and knock a few buildings over.

From their website: “Be the King of the Monsters, the Smog Monster Hedorah, or the mechanical wonder Mechagodzilla for Halloween or every day of the year with the officially licensed Super7 x Toho retro masks! Made of high quality plastic with an elastic headband and with retro packaging.”

While you look for a shirt and trousers to go with your new and improved features, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be improved with radiation… 

CHUYEN MA GAN NHÀ (Vietnamese Horror Story) / Out now (Screambox™)

“This horror anthology film presents three tales inspired by the country’s urban legends and folklore: an actress seeking everlasting beauty; a magician who makes a deal with evil; and a psychic seeking the remains of a deceased girl.”

This Vietnamese movie came out earlier this year and was a huge hit. It’s now available in the States. Wish I knew it was gonna be released here before I flew all the way to Southeast Asia to catch the matinee. (I loaded up on Cu-do Candy, Bim Bim and some Mut at the snack bar — only cost me 37,1625 dong.) 

THE SAWYER MASSACRE / Out now (YouTube™)

“On June 30th, 1965, Jimmy’s friends bring him to the Texas countryside to escape city life after a terrible tragedy. In need of supplies for their cabin, they ascend to a nearby gas station where they are directed to find their supplies at an isolated farmhouse but this property is not as it seems. They soon find themselves hunted by a human flesh-eating psychopath with an arsenal of violent tools at his disposal. If any live through the nightmare, they’ll wish they hadn’t.”

This Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) prequel answers the question of how much flesh can a flesh-eating psychopath eat. Irregardless of the saturated fat, probably a lot. And hey, you could make deli-sawed butt sandwiches out of the leftovers.

THE BOOGEYMAN /January 2023 (Hulu™)

“A sixteen-year-old and her younger sister, still reeling from the death of their mother, are targeted by a supernatural boogeyman after their father, a psychologist, has an encounter with a desperate patient in their house.”

This movie is based on the 1973 Stephen King short story, which later showed up in his best-selling Night Shift collection in 1978. Didn’t read it — I never learned to read until 1981. Late bloomer.

MURDERCISE / Release pending June 2023 (VOD)

“Phoebe is an obsessed fitness nerd who gets her big break on a sleazy workout video. After being ridiculed by her co-stars, Phoebe befriends a mafia princess wild child, who teaches her how to murder her way to the top.”

Warning — this movie features exercising girls not wearing bras. Be careful not to hurt yourself watching it.