Archive for Taiwan

God Monsters vs. Mad Science

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

One thing that makes mad scientists mad (or “displeased”) is when no one believes you when you go around screaming at the top of your squeezebox that dinosaurs exist. Can’t blame ’em — that’d chap my stick, as well. (P.S. Penguins are real, too, man — I’ve seen ’em!)

In South Korea’s War of the God Monsters (1985), that’s the case with Dr. Kim, whose jacked up no one will listen to his Jurassic bark. So he finds a young (i.e. gullible) reporter Kang Ok-hee to prove his case. Soon, his drunk-talk of all things giant reptilian was vindicated when a bird-like Pterodactylus shows up and starts crapping on cars from on high. (Now would be the time to yell, “In your face!” Or something more florid.) 

So what does one do when feisty fossils start busting up the joint as if it were Taco Tuesday at the Tug Tavern? Kill ’em and make tacos, of course. Maybe the job won’t be as tough as first thought as the monsters don’t resemble biblical depictions of dinosaurs at all — they look like they were were made from edible Play-Doh™. While we’re on the subject, climate change is blamed for the Kaiju Jamboree; Arctic ice melts from carbon emissions (car farts), thereby waking the not-quite-extinct beasts from their ice tray nap time.

Originally titled The Flying Monster (yawn), the movie is Frankenstein’d together with stock footage from Ultraman (1966), Return of Ultraman (1971) and Ultraman Ace (1972). There’s even pilfered scenes from the 1971 Taiwanese flick, The Founding of Ming Dynasty. (Yeah, I didn’t know that and had to look it up.) The “acting” is written around generic scenes of monsters making buildings go kablooey, side-dished with requisite doses of cry-yelling, explosion smoke and some sort of flaming fire. The confusing storyline makes about as much sense as toy clay-sculpted monsters, but you don’t rent flicks like this for the gripping narrative. War of the God Monster’s best part? The title.

The Devil Takes Art Lessons

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Art of the Devil

You should know this about the Art of the Devil series: there’s gonna be gore (the hard stuff, not the torture-porn lite crap) and a steady stream of characters whose complex relationships call for gore.

Art of the Devil 2

Since I lost track 10 minutes in, I think ADIII (2008) has something to do with a someone having an affair with someone they’re not married to, a three-eyed demon who gets inside of someone, a bit of poisoning, a smidge of soul transference, organic black voodoo rituals that really needed to be followed by the recipe, and painful revenge/retribution. I think I covered most of the bases, even though I can’t speak a lick of Taiwanese. Did I even spell that correctly?

Art of the Devil 3

All of this is set in some jungle-y woods where people live in huts of elephant dung. (That word I can translate – it means doo doo and/or crap. Seriously.) Even with these constructive elements in place, ADIII gets mired in story dung and, outside of a few splatterific moments, sinks under its own plodding plotness. Unfortunate, as the three-eyed demon might’ve gotten nominated as Best Supporting Actress in a Dramatic Role.

Multi-lingual Parasite

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Parasite X

I am SO confused. More so than usual, it seems. The French horror/sci-fi thrill-a-second Dead Shadows (2012) with English sub-titles is being released in Japan as Parasite X. And the movie over-borrows like Congress from the Canadian zombie horror moving picture show Rabid (1977).

Since everybody’s sticking their weenie in the campfire, I’m gonna release it myself in Antarctica with Taiwan subtitles under the name of Icky Body Worms, with all profits being donated to ME.

Dead Shadows

Dead Shadows/Parasite X/Icky Body Worms goes a little something like this: “Tonight, a new comet is going to appear and everyone in an apartment building are getting ready for a party to celebrate the event. There’s even an apocalypse theory going around. As the night falls, Chris starts to discover that people are acting strange – and it seems to somehow be connected to the comet.

People are becoming disoriented and violent and it doesn’t take long before they start mutating into something from beyond this world. In a fight for survival, Chris has to try to escape from his building with the help from some other tenants – but will they make it out alive?”

Rabid

My hope is that no one makes it out of the building alive. Cynical, I know. But I don’t watch horror movies for happy endings. I go to a massage parlor for that. You know, to help me get rid of my…ICKY BODY WORMS.

Now THAT’S product placement.