The Horror of New York, Cabin in the Mongolian Woods, Teaching Death

For those living in New York and/or affordable travel distance, the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival is happening October 12 – 19, 2023. You might consider going as there’s a lot of US/International premiers, movies that I’ll eventually get around to putting in this here blog-o-rama.

From the press release: “Terror of all kinds from all over the world will be on view at New York City’s top fright showcase. The 2023 edition of the Brooklyn Horror Film Festival will take place October 12-19 at Nitehawk Cinema’s Williamsburg and Prospect Park locations. In addition to the long lineup of movies, the fest will host a number of events, including the presentation of the inaugural Leviathan Award to veteran horror director William Lustig at a 35th-anniversary screening of the original Maniac Cop.”

“There will also be a Fear In Focus: Japan sidebar, presented by Arrow Video, with a screening of the 1926 silent film A Page of Madness (with a live original score by The Flushing Remonstrance), a 35th-anniversary showing of the forgotten 1988 home-invasion shocker Door and a 25th-anniversary screening of Hideo Nakata’s classic Ringu, along with a session from the Miskatonic Institute of Horror Studies with Professor Sigmund Shen exploring classic Japanese genre cinema as allegories.”

The film line-up includes The Sacrifice Game, Cannibal Mukbang, Where The Devil Roams, All You Need Is Death, and the tantalizingly titled, Booger in which “a woman undergoes a strange transformation following the sudden death of her roommate and cat.” Wonder if she’s turning into a full-loaded handkerchief? That would be so icky, and yet cool.

So while you click this to get all the deets and plan your vacation accordingly, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not cause you to blow your nose… 

ABERANCE / October 6, 2023 (Theaters), Release pending 2024 (VOD)

“An estranged couple takes a retreat in the woods. Foreboding neighbors, frivolous friends, and dark unseen forces lead to a shocking conclusion.”

Made in Mongolia, this movie is being described as a “Mongolian Cabin In The Woods.” Cabin In The Woods came out in 2011. Mongolia premiered a few days after that.

KILLHER / October 20, 2023 (VOD)

Mattie and her three besties — Eddie, Jess, and Ra — head into the woods for a weekend to plan Mattie’s upcoming wedding and bachelorette party. Eddie, Mattie’s roommate and an unrelenting practical joker, leads them to believe they will be setting up camp near Mattie’s hunky fiancé, Jagger, and his friends. They soon realize the tent they’ve snuggled up next to belongs to a mysterious recluse named Mr. Rogers, rather than Jagger, and this is definitely his neighborhood. With zero cell reception and only a literal pot to piss in, their weekend camping trip is beginning to look like a bad idea for these unhappy campers. But it only gets worse when people start to die and a terrible secret is revealed. All these girls wanted was a killer pre-bachelorette party — and that’s exactly what they got.

Just reading the plot description make me wish I was the killher.

SISTER DEATH / October 27, 2023 (Netflix™)

“In post-war Spain, Narcisa, a novice with supernatural powers, arrives at an old convent converted into a girl’s school to become a teacher. As the days go by, strange events and the increasingly disturbing situations that torment her will end up leading her to unravel the terrible skein of secrets that surround the convent and lie in wait for its inhabitants.”

Never heard the word “skein” before. Here’s what the Internet Overlords say about it: “A skein is a noun. A length of thread or yarn wound in a loose long coil. Something suggesting the coil of a skein; a complex tangle. A flock of geese or similar birds in flight.” So this horror movie is about geese tangled up in string? WTF?!?

THE CELLO / Release pending 2023/2024 (VOD)

“An aspiring cellist learns the cost of his brand new cello is a lot more insidious than he first thought.”

There’s alway room for cello. All kidding aside, what key is this in?

Superheroes, Godzilla, Chick Monsters and Dirty Harry

Spent all morning trying to get my hair to goon out like Giorgio Tsoukalos on the Ancient Aliens TV series. That guy has some serious follicle action goin’ on. My attempt to replicate and emulate didn’t turn out so well. Looks like I won’t be leaving my apartment until the lacquer wears off.

In the meantime, here’s some upcoming horror and sci-fi to make your hair stand on end…

THE EYES (April 7, 2017)
“Six strangers with unspeakable pasts wake up imprisoned in an abandoned warehouse and discover they are being forced to participate in an evil governmental experiment.  Five must die. One can live. And they have two hours to decide amongst themselves who survives. The clock is ticking and if they don’t decide…they ALL die.”

Overused plot #37. And being forced to participate in an evil government experiment? Well, heck — that’s called life. And The Eyes needs to get one.

JUSTICE LEAGUE (November 11, 2017)
Fueled by his restored faith in humanity and inspired by Superman’s selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes — Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash — it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.”

The new trailers for Justice League has everybody frothing in their britches. (Mine were bubbling over every since the first Wonder Woman trailer.) DC, a little late to the superhero gang game, is nevertheless pulling out all stops to make JL a box office barn burner. And with footage of Wonder Woman changing into her costume, it should be.

Not sure why they included the semi-obscure Cyborg over Green Lantern or Martian Manhunter. But hey, they didn’t include me either as Yell Man. Super powers include expressing myself in hippie-scattering levels, planking upside down on the couch and staring at the TV without blinking for days on end. Abilities become more intense after powering up with a mystical potion (Budweiser™).

GODZILLA — MONSTER PLANET (November, 2017/Netflix™)
“Haruo, who saw his parents killed by Godzilla in front of his eyes when he was 4 years old, had only one thing in his mind for 20 years: to return to the Earth and defeat Godzilla. Shut out from the possibility of emigration, as the living environment in the ship deteriorates, the group of ‘Earth Returnists’ led by Haruo became the majority, and determines to head back to Earth through a dangerous long-distance hyperspace navigation. However, the Earth they have returned to has already passed the time of 20,000 years, and has become an unknown world with the ecosystem reigned by Godzilla.”

This one’s animated (i.e., cartoon). Still, it’s God-freakin’-zilla, man. I’ll take him in any form — except wood. A wooden Godzilla would probably burn his own tongue off when breathalyzing his radioactive flame belch. (Clams have that same effect on me for some reason.)

LIFEFORM (2017)
“Hadrian Beckett, a molecular biologist working to bring his wife, Samantha, back from a brain dead state, creates transgenic super stem cells that are capable of repairing cellular damage. The cells save Samantha’s life, but Hadrian and Sam discover that she is slowly being transformed into a creature of pure instinct, one that is able to alter the shape of its body at will. Hadrian must find a cure before her sense of identity is completely subsumed by the beast within her.”

Not to be confused with the 1996 sci-fi movie of the same name. Then again the plot feels like a reworking of Deadly Friend (1986) with notes of Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993). So Samantha is turning into a creature of pure instinct and… The next words out of my mouth could get me in big trouble with every woman on the planet.

MANIAC COP (2018)
“A determined female cop sets out to reveal the truth after the LAPD attempts a cover up when innocent people are brutally murdered on the streets by a uniformed police officer.”

A remake. Before it: Maniac Cop/1988, Maniac Cop 2/1990, Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence/1993, all of which takes their lead from 1973’s Magnum Force starring the ultimate maniac (in a good way) cop, Dirty Harry.