Everybody not living under a rock has heard of Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster, Mothman, Abominable Snowman, The Jersey Devil and El Chupacabra. But how many of you have heard of lesser known mythical creatures, like Wampus Cat or Jackalope or The Malawi Terror Beast, The Pope Lick Monster or The Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp? If more people knew about these guys, these B-list beasts could cash in on merch sales the way Bigfoot and Nessie have been doing for decades. (I would very much like a Mongolian Death Worm coffee cup, please.)
There are one billion and a half books on cryptids and their lineage, but my go-to read has been Cryptozoology A To Z: The Encyclopedia of Loch Monsters, Sasquatch, Chupacabras, and Other Authentic Mysteries of Nature by famed folklore authors Loren Coleman and Jerome Clark. This book came out in 1999 and remains a near-definitive assessment of all things cryptid. If it allegedly exists, you’ll find it here.
I myself have even published a rundown of some of the world’s most notable cryptids and more in The Best of ManSplat (68 pages, newspaper tabloid). The article, titled Mysterious Mysteries Solved! covers everything from Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster, crop circles, UFOs, ghosts, hippies and more in beer-soaked detail. Get a shamelessly self-promoted copy here.
So while you ALL order The Best of ManSplat (for adult eyes only as there’s LOTS of nudity/salty language/alcohol references up the wazoo/whazoo), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not exist…
15 CAMERAS / October 13, 2023 (VOD)
When Cam and Sky bought their duplex, it seemed like the perfect investment opportunity for the young couple; a starter home, a mortgage offset by renters, and even a guest room for Sky’s sister, Carolyn. However, as Sky and Cam slowly uncover hidden cameras and secrets of the duplex’s previous owner, obsession consumes their marriage and they both fall into destructive forms of voyeurism. When new tenants move in downstairs, their fixation with observing others has deadly consequences and they are forced to confront the very things they have been consumed by.”
The movie is a sequel to 13 Cameras (2015) and 14 Cameras (2018). regardless, I’m ready for my closeup.
BARRY CLEANSKINS / Release pending 2023/2024 (VOD)
“Something evil has awoken from centuries of slumber. In the sleepy suburb of Northvale where all is not well. Police are investigating the growing number of missing persons cases, which seem to repeat a pattern the same are over 20 years ago.”
Barry Cleanskins. With a name like that, he should be a spokesperson for Irish Spring Deodorant Soap™.
TIGER STRIPES / Release pending 2023 (VOD)
“An 11-year-old girl who is carefree until she starts to experience horrifying physical changes to her body.”
Uh yeah, it’s called puberty.
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS: DEATH AND PORRIDGE / Release pending 2024 (VOD)
“Never enter into someone’s house without permission.”
YET ANOTHER entry into the recent gold rush to turn children stories/nursery rhymes into horror movies. When you think about it, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, published in 1922, was the first home invasion story.
Drinkin' & Drive-in 