Archive for the Ghosts Category

Super Innards, Horror Cupboard, Stairway to Heck

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, paranormal, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ever wondered what Marvel’s super humans are made of? Now you can with Marvel Anatomy: A Scientific Study of the Superhuman, a new illustrated hardbound book dissecting guys like The Hulk, Venom, Mystique, The Thing and more. In other words, physical compositions worthy of a centerfold. Written by Marc Sumerak, Daniel Wallace and illustrated by Jonah Lobe, the amazingly detailed breakdowns sticks a finger deep into the anatomical makeup of Marvel’s heroes and super villains.

From the press release: “Featuring exclusive anatomical cutaway illustrations created by concept artist Jonah Lobe (Skyrim, Fallout) and writing by Marc Sumerak (MARVEL Future Revolution) and Daniel Wallace (The Jedi Path), this deluxe book is a visually stunning journey into the powers of the Marvel Universe’s greatest characters. 100+ unique illustration cross sections combined with fascinating insights capture each superhero and super villain’s unique set of powers.”

Freakin’ cool, says me. As of this blah, blah, blah-ging, Marvel Anatomy: A Scientific Study of the Superhuman book (232 pages/ 9.25” x 12.75”/$85.00/Insight Editions) is a pre-order and will ship after October 25, 2022. You can snag one HERE.

So while you’re waiting for the MRI results on your less-than-super anatomy, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not stand up to a deep finger examination…

HOTEL DUNSMUIR / Out now (VOD)

“A young, rural woman with Extra Sensory Perception flees an abusive husband, ending up in a historic hotel containing a sinister presence. After a frightening experience in her room, she sets out on the road, joined by a maid from the hotel who she befriended. As they embark on their journey, they are pursued by evil in multiple forms. Will they make it?”

ESP can be hit or miss. She’d have better luck with a Magic 8-Ball™. She can borrow mine.

CABINET OF CURIOSITIES / October 25, 2022 (Netflix™)

Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities (also known as Guillermo del Toro Presents 10 After Midnight) is an upcoming American horror anthology streaming television series created by Guillermo del Toro for Netflix™, based on his short story of the same name. The series features eight unique horror stories that challenge the classical horror genre. Two of the episodes are original works by del Toro himself, while the others are written and directed by various filmmakers.”

CoC is described as both equally sophisticated and horrific. The same can be said about me. Just ask my mom.

NOCEBO / November 4, 2022 (Limited) November 22, 2022 (VOD)

“A fashion designer suffers from a mysterious illness that confounds her doctors and frustrates her husband – until help arrives in the form of a Filipino nanny, who uses traditional folk healing to reveal a horrifying truth.”

Maybe I should try some traditional Filipino folk healing techniques to reveal my horrifying truths. I could do a little Hilot/Ablon (tourist spa massage, aka “The Philippine Gleeful Ending”) or Tuob, which involves wearing a blanket and sitting over a jar heated by coal or steaming pot. Note: Squatting over any pot pretty much guarantees things will start steaming. More in the Filipino medicine cabinet: essential oils (scented Pennzoil™ 30W), herbalism (it’s legal where I live), prayers (mine rhyme), incantations (chants in yer pants), and mysticism (please don’t squeeze the Shaman).

ELEVATOR GAME / Pending release 2023

“The supernatural horror, based on the eponymous online phenomenon, follows Dale, a socially awkward teenager who discovers the night his sister disappeared she had just played The Elevator Game. The ritual is conducted in an elevator, in which players attempt to travel to another dimension using a set of rules that can be found online. Ignoring the many online warnings, Dale resolves to follow and find her. But he discovers that the warnings are there for a reason and the woman on the fifth floor is not what she seems.”

I tried the Elevator Game and nothing happened. Then it occurred I was on an escalator. I get those two mixed up all the time and don’t know why. From now on if I want to travel to another dimension, I’ll just use the stairs.

Godzilla Party, The Relocated Dead, Evil Grandma

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , on October 4, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Calling all Gojira fans: The 6th Annual Godzilla Festival returns to Japan on November 3, 2022, celebrating the 68th anniversary of the Godzilla series. Those without bus service to Japan can breathe a non-radioactive sigh of relief — you’ll be able to “attend” G-Fest via a free-to-access online live stream. They haven’t posted the link yet, but go HERE for the eventual hook-up. As for the physical location of the festival, you can look it up on…Godzillow™ (Heh).

The press release for the event gives us the deets: “This year, Godzilla Fest will primarily celebrate the 50th anniversary of director Jun Fukuda’s Godzilla vs. Gigan, unveiling a brand new suit from modeler Shinichi Wakasa recreating the Showa-era Gigan design. Additionally, this event will also exhibit the replica Godzilla (1954) suit design as well as a Godzilla suit from 2004’s Godzilla: Final Wars.”

Kazuhiro Nakagawa is currently directing a third tokusatsu short film featuring the newly constructed Gigan suit. Furthermore, the long-awaited sequel to Gemstone’s G vs. G short fan film will be released at Godzilla Fest 2022. A trailer for this new short, Godzilla vs. Gigan Rex, has been released on YouTube™.” (Watch it HERE)

While we’re waiting to be livestreamed on, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not feature a guy in a rubber suit…

SHOT IN THE DARK / October 4, 2022 (VOD)

“Two years ago, William Langston made a mistake that would affect the course of his life. Now, with a killer loose and his circle of friends falling away one at a time, William faces his greatest fears as well as his own mortality.”

My greatest fear is sobriety.

POSSESSION / October 7, 2022 (VOD)

“A priest has been tasked with deciding the location of a new church for the local mining company, which reveals itself to be on top of an old Sami burial ground. After removing the remains, the dead come alive and haunt the settlers.”

Some background on the relocated Sami (last name not Hagar): “In the 17th century, the Sami believed each body contained two types of spirits: the ‘free soul’ moves on to the afterlife, while the ‘body soul’ stays behind.” Lemme get this straight — one half of their soul goes on to party while the other soul gets left behind on a Friday night? Harsh.

THE ACCURSED / October 14, 2022 (VOD)

“A young woman is forced to return home following the death of her mother. Consumed by guilt and desperate to escape the haunting visions playing out in her head, she takes a temporary caregiver position for a comatose old lady living alone in the woods. It does not take long before she realizes not all is as it seems and that the old lady harbors a demonic secret her daughter is intent on passing on.”

The “demonic secret” is why old ladies smell like they do, which is a cross between a hallway closet and a damp fruit cellar. 

CHURCH OF DARKNESS / November 8, 2022 (VOD/DVD)

“David, a devout Christian teen boy, moves to a new town and discovers a sinister underground society flourishing under the protection of the mayor. When he learns of their evil plans and sacrificing rituals, he knows he must try and save the citizens of the town. Alone and afraid his own faith is tested when he discovers it may be too late.”

Sinister underground society? Evil plans? Sacrifice rituals? Where is this party town and how do I join their Horror Chamber of Commerce

Feared Cities, Feared Houses, Feared Phones

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 1, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Love it, hate it, makes you happy and/or happily throw up (looking in your direction AHS: Hotel/2015), American Horror Story/Season 11 (FX™) is set to land on your TV set October 19, 2022. (Write this down on a cocktail napkin for reference: The first two episodes of the 10-episode season will drop at 10 PM ET/PT on FX™ and will stream the next day on Hulu™. They will be followed by two episodes each Wednesday.) You’re welcome.

No plot as of this blogging. But the tagline for AHS: NYC reads: “New Season. New City. New Fears.” Disappointingly generic given AHS’ refreshingly twisted stories. But hey, fans will watch it regardless of spoilers because American Horror Story, if anything, is crazy bizarre, crazy gory, crazy violent and thereby recommended crazy family viewing.

Returning cast are favs Billie Lourd (her mom was Princess Leia), Zachary Quinto (he was Spock a couple of times), Leslie Grossman (dipped in AHS blood gunk since 2017), and the always uncanny Denis O’Hare, who earned two Primetime Emmy Award™ nominations for his AHS roles and played Liz Taylor in a cross dressing tour de force in AHS: Hotel (2015). Those gowns were literally to die for.

While we pack our bags for NYC, here are a few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not earn Primetime Emmy Award™ nominations…

MY BEST FRIEND’S EXORCISM / Out now (Amazon Prime Video)

“The year is 1988. High school sophomores Abby and Gretchen have been best friends since fourth grade. But after an evening of skinny-dipping goes disastrously wrong, Gretchen begins to act…different. She’s moody. She’s irritable. And bizarre incidents keep happening whenever she’s nearby. The fate of Abby and Gretchen will be determined by a single question: Is their friendship powerful enough to beat the Devil?”

How the HELL could an evening of high school girls skinny-dipping go wrong? Maybe evil got caught in someone’s “pool filter.”

MR. HARRIGAN’S PHONE / October 5, 2022 (Netflix™)

“A young boy named Craig, living in a small town, befriends Mr. Harrigan, an older, reclusive billionaire. The two form a bond over books and an iPhone™. But when the man passes away, the boy discovers that not everything dead is gone, and finds himself able to communicate with his friend from the grave through the iPhone™ that was buried with him.”

My iPhone™ doesn’t get calls from the dead. Just robots.

THE HARRISVILLE HAUNTING: THE REAL CONJURING HOUSE / October 18, 2022 (VOD)

“Four paranormal researchers and YouTubers™ document the paranormal claims of the former Arnold family farmhouse built in 1736. Now known as the Harrisville Farmhouse and the inspiration for the well known movie The Conjuring (2013). Are the extreme paranormal claims from the film real? Come along with researchers Matt Benton, Joe Vitale, Bill Cook, and Eric Conner as they delve into this mysterious haunting and share their incredible findings and evidence.”

This is what YouTubers™ consider gainful employment these days. You want paranormal? Trying cleansing the bathrooms at the Tug Tavern. Customers have been known to conjure a lot of “dark things” in there.

SATAN’S SLAVES: COMMUNION / November 4, 2022 (Shudder™)

“A family moves into a rundown apartment after escaping terror from their mother, who returned from death, not knowing their new home is a bigger threat to their lives.”

So what’s the bigger peril — mom returning from the grave or a backed up septic tank? Kind of a toss-up.

Musical Ghosts, Horrible Harlequins, Toxic Trains

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , on September 28, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ever see a poltergeist blowing a bassoon or honking on a tuba? Now you can as Schirmer Theatrical is screening Ghostbusters, the 1984 mega-hit /pop culture-altering movie, along with a live orchestra doing the scarily intricate soundtrack. 

Ghostbusters in Concert will be touring throughout the month of October, rolling into backwater towns like Chicago, Nashville, Reno, Columbus, Fresno, and more. (Really wish they’d play the Tug Tavern as I could easily hitchhike there — only two blocks from my place.)

From Schirmer Theatrical: “Experience Ivan Reitman’s two-time Oscar and two-time Golden Globe-nominated film, screened live as an orchestra performs Elmer Bernstein’s Grammy-nominated score and Ray Parker Jr.’s Billboard Hot 100 chart-topping theme song, “Ghostbusters.

The ear worm “Ghostbusters” title song is synonymous with the billion-dollar Ghostbusters franchise and was written by Ray Parker Jr. It landed at Number One on the Billboard Hot 100 on August 11, 1984. Don’t know how many copies it sold, but an educated guessing puts it close to 2.5 billion million.

On a tabloid side note, the song was at the center of a lawsuit, wherein Huey Lewis sued Ray Parker Jr. for plagiarism, alleging he had copied the melody (primarily the bass-line) from Lewis’ 1983 song “I Want a New Drug”. Wikipedia™: “The case was settled out of court in 1985 for an undisclosed sum and a confidentiality agreement that prohibited discussing the case. Parker later sued Lewis for breaching the confidentiality agreement in a 2001 episode of VH1’s Behind the Music, by reasserting Parker, Jr. stole the song. Regarding his case against Lewis, Parker said, “I got a lot of money out of that.” Snap!

So while you rush to bust some tickets and/or confidentiality agreements (CLICK THIS), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of a Huey Lewis soundtrack… 

TERRIFIER 2 / October 6, 2022

“After mutilating sole survivor Victoria Heyes and committing suicide upon police confrontation, Art the Clown is resurrected by a sinister being a year later and begins a hunt two unsuspecting siblings in the Miles County area on Halloween night.”

A killer clown commits suicide. Wouldn’t that be “circuscision”? Heh. The first Terrifier movie came out in 2016. Quite a wait for a sequel no one wanted. Okay, that was just plain mean. Sorry — didn’t get much sleep last night; Kept dreaming about cliched clown slashers.

SLASH/BACK / October 21, 2022 (Limited theaters, Digital HD, VOD/Shudder™)

“In a sleepy hamlet nestled in the majestic mountains of Baffin Island in the Arctic Ocean, a village wakes up to a typical summer day…and 24-hour sunlight. But for Maika and her friends, the usual summer is suddenly not in the cards when they discover an alien invasion threatening their hometown.”

Aliens really need to learn Earth’s geography. A more accessible invading choice would be the Tug Tavern hamlet, nestled among majestic sticker bushes in the sleepy village of West Seattle

WHITE NOISE / November 25, 2022 (Limited) / December 30, 2022 (Netflix)

Jack Gladney, college professor, husband and father to four children/stepchildren, is torn asunder by an airborne toxic event, a cataclysmic train accident that casts chemical waste over his town.”

You don’t need a train accident to get an airborne toxic event. Stand behind someone who just ate The Pig Bomber Burrito™.

THE OUTWATERS / TBD 2023 (Limited)(Screambox)

“Four travelers encounter menacing phenomena while camping in a remote stretch of the Mojave Desert.”

Why — and more importantly how — does one camp in a remote part of the “no 7-Eleven™/nothing-but-dirt” Mojave Desert? More to the point, where do you do your dirty business? Among the desert’s previously pristine sand dunes? There’s your real menacing phenomena.

New Werewolves, Old Vampires, Born Again Creeps

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lycanthropy fans can now legally bark at the moon — both the one in space and the one in the back of your pants. The film version of Werewolf By Night, based on Marvel’s 1972 comic book (nothing comic about it, though), premiers October 7, 2022 on Disney+™.

Before we shave the 5 o’clock shadow on this groundbreaking comic series, Disney+™ personally called (sorta) to tell me about the plot: “A secret group of monster hunters gather at Bloodstone Castle following the death of their leader and engage in a mysterious and deadly competition for a powerful relic, which will bring them face to face with a dangerous monster.”

So cool and so overdue. But even in its genesis, Werewolf By Night had a tough leg to chew on. Wikipedia™: “Prior to the formation of the Comics Code Authority in 1954, Marvel’s predecessor Atlas Comics published a five-page short story titled “Werewolf by Night!” in Marvel Tales #116 (July 1953). With the relaxation of the Comics Code Authority’s rules in 1971, it became possible for the first time to publish code-approved comic books with werewolves.”

Werewolf By Night comics were published from 1972 through 1977, 43 original issues in all. (Cool trivia: Issue #3/1975 features the first appearance of the Moon Knight, a new series also on Disney+™.) Yeah, there were a number of one-off specials and cameos in other comics, and they even tried to reboot Werewolf BN in Marvel Comics Presents, where he (Jack Russell, his hairless otherself) appeared irregularly from 1991 to 1993.

More cool trivia: Werewolf By Night stars Laura Donnelly, who plays the kick ass Amalia True in Joss Whedon’s The Nevers (2021), a period piece supernatural fantasy series on HBO Max™

So while you’re waiting for the moon — the one in space and the one in the back of your pants — to rise and shine on the premier, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not have you yelling at lunar-esque surfaces…

THE MUNSTERS / September 27, 2022 (Netflix)

“A prequel to the original 1964 TV series, the film chronicles the meeting and eventual marriage of Herman and Lily Munster in Transylvania, despite the protestations of her disapproving father.” 

Pat Priest, who played Marilyn Munster in The Munsters (1964) has a cameo. Elvira (secret identity: Casandra Peterson) also appears, but not as Elvira. Hope they don’t have her wearing a button-up shirt.

JEEPERS CREEPERS: REBORN / October 4, 2022 (Out now in Germany, Russia)

“Forced to travel with her boyfriend, Laine begins to experience premonitions associated with the urban myth of The Creeper. She believes that something supernatural has been summoned — and that she is at the center of it all.”

Glad they’re trying to make up for the steaming heap that was Jeepers Creepers 3 (2017). That one was so bad, all the actors lined up to voluntarily offer themselves to the movie’s cannibalistic Creeper.

NEXT EXIT / November 4, 2022 (VOD)

“When a research scientist makes national news proving she can track people into the afterlife, Rose sees a way out and Teddy sees his chance to finally make it. These two strangers, both harboring dark secrets, race to join the doctor’s contentious study and leave this life behind. While Rose is haunted by a ghostly presence that she can’t outrun, Teddy is forced to confront his past. As these two misfits humorously quarrel their way across the country, they meet people along the way who force them to reckon with what is really driving them.”

Next Exit stars Rose McIver and Rahul Kohli, both of whom starred together in the wildly fun/funny iZombie TV series (2015 – 2019). Rose, a fully functioning zombie, ate recipe-enhanced brains (think HelloFresh™ for the undead) in every episode. I don’t think anyone’s eating think loaf in this one, though. Sad.

SUBSPECIES V: BLOOD RISE / Pending 2023/2024

“Spanning 500 years in the life of the vampire, Subspecies V chronicles Radu Vladislas’ descent from a noble warrior for the Church to a depraved creature of the night. Stolen by crusaders on the night of his birth, he has no knowledge of his bloodline: his mother a demon, his father a vampire.

Trained and exploited by a brotherhood of mystic monks to slay all enemies of the church, fate brings him back one night to the castle of his father, armed with the monster-slaying Sword of Laertes, to destroy the vampire Vladislas and reclaim a holy relic: the Bloodstone. The events of that night turn Radu from a noble man into a vampire with no master, setting him on a centuries-long quest for sustenance, for companionship, for the treacherous one who stole him from the sun, and for the Bloodstone he hopes will bring him peace.”

Radu sucks on the Bloodstone as if it were a refillable 7-Eleven™ Hemoglobin Slurpee®. He’s been at this game for a while: Subspecies (1991), Bloodstone: Subspecies 2 (1993), Bloodlust: Subspecies 3 (1994), Vampire Journals (1997), Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm (1998). This means he’s either a real vampire or very good at his job. Thinkin’ both. 

Exploding Heads, Lake Kaijus, Witch Sweaters

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 24, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Scanners is an 1981 Canadian science-fiction horror movie made infamous by graphically exploding heads. I approve of that sentence. Now, four decades later, it’s being turned into a series on HBO™ (Head Blow Up — heh). One question — why the swear word did it take this long?

The original plot: “A scientist trains a man with an advanced telepathic ability called ‘scanning’, to stop a dangerous Scanner with extraordinary psychic powers from waging war against non scanners.”

In a direct nod to Scanners, on Season Two and Three of The Boys (on Amazon Prime™ — why aren’t you watching it now?), has a Supe (super-powered individual) merely willing functioning skulls — and whatever they’re connected to — ka-boom like lasagna-filled balloons.

A Scanners series is in the works now, which means it’ll be awhile (guessing a week or so sometime next year) before we get to see it. In the meantime, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not make you crave a steaming paper plate of noggin lasagna…

THE LAKE / Pending release US 2022/2023 / Out now in Thailand

“A mysterious monster rises from the Mekong River, attacked Bueng Kan and cuts off people from the outside world. Officials, including Chinese scientists who came to conduct research in Thailand, mobilize to catch this crazy monster before it’s too late.”

The movie is in Thai. Thailand is home to 71 living languages. That means 71 different ways to order Singha, a soapy but not-without-its-charms green bottle beer. That said, you actually don’t need to understand the dialogue as the crazy monster is freakin’ cool. And, if you haven’t heard, that freakin’ thing is exclamation point crazy. Watch the trailer on YouTube™ if you don’t believe my crazy wordles.

CROC! / October 4, 2022 (VOD)

“Lisa and her family unite at a wedding venue, excited for the big day. However, unknown to the family, a nest of hungry crocodiles has been living in the nearby lake. As the crocodiles crash the wedding in a blood thirsty massacre, the remaining family members must survive the night against these Jurassic beasts.”

In an ironic twist of fate, all the ‘til-death-do-us-part guests taste like a screaming wedding cake. Ingredients: butter, sugar, eggs and legs.

DON’T LOOK AT THE DEMON / October 7, 2022 / Limited

“Led by a troubled medium, an American television crew of paranormal investigators go to the home of a couple who claim to have experienced inexplicable, threatening disturbances. Delving into the mystery, they encounter possessions and apparitions more terrifying than any they’d witnessed before — actual contact with the other side. As the cameras roll and bodies are possessed, they’re inevitably overwhelmed by this violent supernatural force.”

Sounds like last call at The Tug Tavern, the violent supernatural force not attributed to sweet/refreshing beer, but rather those $1.00 freshness-expired pickled eggs in that fingerprint smeared jar behind the bar next to light bulb-heated cashews (also $1.00). Stomach-churning, and yet patrons are drawn to ’em as if caught in a paranormal vortex. This NEVER ends well.

TWO WITCHES / Pending release 2022

“A pregnant woman is convinced she has been cursed by a witch, while another woman, with violent impulses, hopes to inherit her great-grandmother’s powers. Two generations of witches and the dire consequences for those who cross their path.”

Sounds like we’re in store for an epic witch-slap. I wish I could’ve inherited powers from my great-grandmother. All I got was a sweater.

Pre-Teen Vampires, Evil Again, Alternate Worlds

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 23, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Vampire fans will be thrilled to the jugular that Let The Right One In, the stunning 2008 Hall of Fame vamp classic, is now a series on Showtime™, premiering October 7, 2022. You’ll have to hit up Dracula for his password — or pay subscribe — to watch it. Here’s the series’ premise…

“Mark and his daughter Eleanor’s lives were changed forever 10 years earlier when she was turned into a vampire. Seemingly frozen in time at the age of 12, Eleanor has lived a closed-in life, able to go out only at night, while her father does his best to provide her with the human blood she needs to stay alive. Now they’ve returned home to New York City, desperate to find a cure.”

I’m in, especially after watching the trailer, which teases additional vampires sucking up some action. And looking forward to seeing Demián Bichir as the dad. He was power-mad Apex CEO Walter Simmons in Godzilla vs Kong (2021). Too bad Mecha-Godzilla permanently laid him off. (Oh, crap — that was a spoiler; sorry to anyone reading this who hasn’t seen GvK. On that note, why haven’t you seen GvK? What is wrong with you?)

Until you can figure out how to skate around Let The Right One In series without coughing up a coin purse-squeezing $10.99 a month (with 7-day free trial), here are a few upcoming horror movies that you may or may not let in…

DEVIL’S WORKSHOP / September 20, 2022 VOD

Struggling actor Clayton is desperate for a role as a demonologist. He contacts Eliza, an expert in devil lore, to help him prepare and spends the weekend at her home. Eliza forces Clayton to confront his troubling past, perform dark rituals, and sacrifice a goat. Does she want to help Clayton, seduce him — or destroy him? The shocking climax will set your soul ablaze.”

A couple ’o things: Aren’t all struggling actors desperate and have troubling pasts? Aren’t all chicks experts in devil lore and goat sacrifice? Has any horror movie’s “shocking” climax ever set your soul ablaze? Not seeing a reason to waste valuable horizontal couch time on this one.

AMONG THE LIVING / October 4, 2022 (VOD) November 8, 2022 (Blu-ray)

“Stranded in the countryside in the aftermath of a deadly outbreak, older brother Harry fights to protect his younger sister, Lily, while he desperately searches to find refuge with their father. Harry and Lily are determined to survive their journey as they strive to avoid an infected population with a thirst for blood as well as the greater threat of other survivors.”

Why is it in every zombie movie people embark on a journey with the undead just waiting for the restaurant to open? Why not hole up in the nearest Motel 6™, raid the mini bar and crank the tunes until the Apocalypse is over? And as if it needs to be said a’loud, is this not the same plot as 99% of all zombie movies ever made in the history of the Multiverse?

SATANIC HISPANICS / Release pending 2022/2023

“When police raid a house in El Paso, they find it full of dead Latinos  — and only one survivor. He’s known as The Traveler. When they take him to the station for questioning, he tells them those lands are full of magic and talks about the horrors he’s encountered in his long time on this earth, about portals to other worlds, mythical creatures, demons, and the undead.”

Before you call Satanic Hispanics title blatantly racist, know that this anthology was made by five different Latino filmmakers. Conversely, if this horror omnibus was made by Republicans

SINPHONY: A CLUBHOUSE HORROR ANTHOLOGY / October 21, 2022 (VOD)

SINPHONY’s shocking stories include an innkeeper’s growing concern about his secretive new guests; a contractor who inhales mold spores that lead to murder; a couple confronting the fact that one of them is a ghost; a witch protecting her child from a killer; a dance craze that has dire consequences, and much more.”

They had me up until “dance craze with dire consequences.” ALL dance crazes have dire consequences. Case in point — where did all those “Macarena” idiots end up? Stick to the timeless “Chicken Dance” and you’ll be fine.

Killer Beer, Fat Shaming Horror, Pond Monster

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Chucky: A Killer Wit Beer™, a limited brew based on Chucky, the skull/wise-cracking serial killer doll made icon status in Child’s Play (1988), is now available for quaffing purposes.

From the press release: “Just like the devious doll it’s inspired by, this pumpkin witbier with cranberry will be your friend ’til the very end. Saturated with blood-red cranberry juice and entangled with pumpkin mangled into a puree, the beer is light in color with spine-chilling flavors of chamomile and cinnamon – the perfect combination of everything you love about the season.”

Chucky: A Killer Wit Beer is a limited release and collaborative beer between Elysian™, USA Network™ and SYFY™, brewed in celebration of all things Halloween, horror and Season 2 of Chucky, a continuation of the iconic film franchise chronicling the murderous escapades of the notorious killer doll.”

Beer that tastes like pumpkin, cranberry, chamomile and cinnamon? Shouldn’t this be sold at a Nordstrom™ perfume and deodorant kiosk? While you contemplate sucking down a case or two or making scented candles out of it, here are a few horror movies that may or may not be an affront to your palate…   

NIX / September 27, 2022 (VOD)

While Jack Coyle struggles to keep his shattered family together, a strange and powerful entity reveals itself again, opening the wounds for another tragedy to occur. As Jack deals with the consequences, he also must protect his young niece from this frightening creature, which threatens to destroy everyone.

They really need to put more effort into naming powerful entities/frightening creatures. “Nix” sounds like a stain-remover. But if they’re stuck with that moniker, how about a modifier, like Metaverse Nix, Ranch-Flavored Nix or simply, Nix Extreme?   

V/H/S/99 / October 20, 2022 / Shudder™ 

A thirsty teenager’s home video leads to a series of horrifying revelations.

Um, what exactly is a “thirsty teenager”? Thirsty for what? Certainly not Smart Water™ as no amount of A.I. added to expensive tap water could do anything to improve any teen’s cognitive abilities. What’s left — Fanta Piña Colada™? Pibb Xtra™? Coca-Cola Cinnamon™? (Actually, while it’s seriously unhealthy for you, Coca-Cola Cinnamon™ ain’t half bad, which is why I only drank half the case I bought on Amazon.com. Saving the other half for tomorrow.) 

As for the movie, all I know is that it’s part of the VHS horror franchise (V/H/S (2012), V/H/S 2 (2013), V/H/S Viral (2014), SiREN (2016), V/H/S 94 (2021). I guess that could make you thirsty for more.

PIGGY / October 14, 2022 (VOD)

“Sara is a teenager in a rural Spanish village who is constantly tormented by ‘the popular girls’, including her former best friend, because of her body type. One day at the local pool she witnesses her bullies violently kidnapped by a mysterious stranger. Sara, who normally feels unable to express herself to both her family and neighbors, suddenly faces a moral dilemma as she must decide between saving her tormentors from a bloody end or giving into the desire for revenge.”

Revenge. The answer is ALWAYS revenge. 

CURSE OF CROM: THE LEGEND OF HALLOWEEN / Release pending 2022/2023

“High school teenagers accidentally unleash an ancient Irish entity on their hometown and must stop it before midnight on Halloween.”

Spoiler: The Irish entity they speak of is the Lucky Charms™ Leprechaun. Or maybe that guy on all those Irish Spring™ soap commercials. Pure f’n evil.

Raising New Hell, Horror Livestreamed, Devil Stuff

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , on September 21, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The must-have Halloween mask this year is Stranger Thing’s Vecna, the cosmetically-challenged super scary mean guy from the Upside-Down. (How does he keep from spilling his cocktails in there?) The rubber headpiece sells for $42.99 (minus tax offering), but it comes in classic Vecna, Blue Vecna and Short Vecna (no neck, just head). It’s made of Latex™, which means it’ll feel like a condom stretched over your face. Eeeew!

No full body costume, either, so you’ll have to dehydrate yourself to the point where your ribs are sticking out (okay, don’t do that) and grow your own tentacles.

While you’re not doing that, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not leave you bone-dry…

HELLRAISER / October 7, 2022 / Hulu™

“A young woman struggling with addiction comes into possession of an ancient puzzle box, unaware that its purpose is to summon the Cenobites, a group of sadistic supernatural beings from another dimension.”

An updating of one of the greatest romance movies of all time. This go-around, the icon Pinhead is being portrayed by a female. (So, do we call her “Hairpinhead?” Heh.) All comedy gold aside, a refreshing spin on Clive Barker’s rent-payer. 

DEADSTREAM / October 6, 2022 / Shudder™

“A disgraced internet personality attempts to win back his followers by livestreaming one night alone in a haunted house. But when he accidentally pisses off a vengeful spirit, his big comeback event becomes a real-time fight for his life.”

I do live-streaming, too, but mostly in my bathroom. Mostly. Interesting plot that combines a classic horror scenario contemporized with one of those ubiquitous social media morons. If he dies (and he better), you’re invited to livestream all over his grave.

PREY FOR THE DEVIL / October 28, 2022 / Theaters

“In response to a global rise in demonic possessions, the Catholic Church reopens exorcism schools to train priests in the Rite of Exorcism. On this spiritual battlefield, an unlikely warrior rises: a young nun, Sister Ann. Although nuns are forbidden to perform exorcisms, a professor recognizes Sister Ann’s gifts and agrees to train her. Thrust onto the spiritual frontline with fellow student Father Dante, Sister Ann finds herself in a battle for the soul of a young girl (who Sister Ann believes is possessed by the same demon that tormented her own mother years ago), and soon realizes the Devil has her right where he wants her…and it wants in.”

This sounds exactly like the Sister Anne from the MC5’s 1971 proto-metal song of the same name — and the lyrics match the movie’s plot: “She’s got a heart of gold / Gonna save a bitch’s soul / From goin’ down Satan’s hot way…” Man, those guys were way out in front of the trad jazz Catholic Church.

GRIMCUTTY / October 10, 2022 / Hulu™

“A scary internet meme called “Grimcutty” stirs up panic amongst all the parents in town, convinced it’s making their kids harm themselves and others. When a real-life version of Grimcutty starts attacking teen Asha Chaudry, her parents believe that she’s cutting herself as part of a challenge. With her phone taken away and no one who believes her, Asha has to figure out how to get through to her parents and stop the Grimcutty once and for all.”

How Emo. Reminds me of the old joke, “If my lawn was Emo, it’d cut itself.” That’s still a real pant-filler. My advice to Asha is to quit wasting time on her parents — and listening to Dashboard Confessional.

TERMINATOR VS PREDATOR / Unknown

“A Terminator from the future gets in to-the-death bitchslap with one ‘o those super mean Predator guys.”

I made up that plot, but what else could it be? Calling bull-dookey on this one as it smacks of fan-made, albeit, very cool fan-made. Thanks for making me waste time chasing this down, whoever did it. 

A Decade of Drinkin’

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Gamera

Wednesday, June 9, 2010, 5:44 pm.

10 years ago to this day I started Drinkin’ & Drive-in, and began a decade long crawl through the gold-filled mud and muck of horror and sci-fi movies that’ve been my obsession since the Dawn of Mankind. And I say that without hyperbole. More or less.

Kaiju

The first blog written/posted was about one of my all-time fav monsters: Gamera, a Godzilla-sized turtle that could shoot flames out of his mouth AND ass. (I can do one or the other, but not both.) Outside of that, I really didn’t have a vision or goal with this blog, other than to blather on about horror movie stuff filled with mouth-twisting typos, 3rd grade grammatical errors and taking extreme liberties with the English language. (I tried Spanish but only managed to learn one word: “cerveza.” I picked the one word that has served me well.)

Gamera

I’ve really enjoyed e-barfing in public. It’s almost as fun as farting in church. On that note, I’d like to thank long-time readers of Drinkin’ & Drive-in and some awesomely funny comments you’ve left me. (“May the devil guide my poop…” — that still cracks me up, Jon from NC.)

Gamera

10 years is/was a good run. But now it’s time to say adiós amoebas. I’m off to pursue other life goals, like chasing parked cars, sponge diving in community swimming pools and collecting air. Future hobbies that will never generate any income includes putting out three e-books (already written), possibly another issue ManSplat magazine (been doing that longer than this blog, despite a 10 year absence), learning how to play the kazoo (man, those things are hard to tune), and generally doing loud stuff.

Dino Uber

So now I leave you with a final post — feel free to finish this sentence…

“The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…”

Thank You