Archive for Sasquatch

Bigfoot Clothes, Parisian Zombies, Regrettable Face Tattoos

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hide And Seek Champion

Been looking for a another Bigfoot T-shirt to add to my growing wardrobe of mythological creature-wear. Found this one: a silhouette of Bigfoot and the proclamation: Hide and Seek Champion. Sheer genius. So much so, it now replaces my Slenderman shirt, which failed to live up to its name. (Didn’t make me look slender at all.)

Slenderman

While I continue in my bid to become a cryptid fashionista, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not go with anything in your drawers…

The Night Eats The World

THE NIGHT EATS THE WORLD (March 7, 2018 (France) 2018/2019 (US)
“After waking up in an apartment where only the night before a party was raging, Sam is forced to come to grips with reality: he is now alone and the living dead have invaded the streets of Paris. Petrified with fear, Sam is going to have to barricade himself inside the building and organize his survival. But is he really the sole survivor?”

It’s like they’re not even trying to come up with a plot. So stock is this zombie movie premise, I bet Sam goes back into the building to get caught up on sleep.

Lowlife

LOWLIFE (April 6, 2018)
“Set amidst the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles, Lowlife zigzags back and forth in time as it charts how fate — and a ruthless crime boss — connects three down-and-out reprobates mixed up in an organ harvesting scheme that goes from bad to worse to off-the-rails insane. Careening from savagely funny to just plain savage to unexpectedly heartfelt, this audacious thriller serves up nonstop adrenaline alongside hard-hitting commentary about the state of contemporary America.”

It’s not in the press release, but Lowlife stars a fallen Mexican wrestler with rage issues and a “regrettable face tattoo.” That’d be a great name for a band.

The Field Guide To Evil

THE FIELD GUIDE TO EVIL (2018)
“They are known as myths, lore, and folk tales. Created to give logic to mankind’s darkest fears, these stories laid the foundation for what we now know as the horror genre.”

For some of us, The Field Guide to Evil is merely walking into The Tug Tavern. You WILL encounter your darkest fear just inside the bathroom door.

Tell Me Your NameTELL ME YOUR NAME (2018/2019)
“After a troubled childhood, Ashley searches for a connection, and unknowingly invites in a demonic force, which leaves her loved ones fighting for her soul.”

I’ve always wondered why demonic forces want your soul. It’s not like they’re collectibles to put on a shelf next to the jars of grape-flavored eyeballs and still-beating hearts in maraschino juice. That, and most souls are not quite mint-in-box. Like mine, for instance.

Sheepsquatch, Drug Ghosts, Evil Pants

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sheepsquatch

Just when you think you’ve heard about every mythical monster ever turned into a T-shirt, now comes a new one: Sheepsquatch, a creature that’s half Sasquatch and half sheep. (It looks more like a cross between Krampus and a billy goat to me.) Apparently, this hybrid horror has been around since 1990. Not sure why I’m just hearing about SS now. How embarrassing for me.

Sheepsquatch

So where does this shaggy beast (also known as “White Thing”) shampoo its fur? West Virginia, if you believe the tourist brochures. According to Cryptid Wiki, the counties with the most sightings are Boone, Kanawha, Putnam and Mason, with a surge in sightings taking place in Boone County during the mid-1990s. Witnesses describe Sheepsquatch as being as big as a bear, with a pointed head and saber-tooth teeth. This means Sheesquatch can open a can of beer with his face. Let’s see Mothman try something like that.

Sheepsquatch

There are even books about Sheepsquatch that’ve been around for a few years. (Man, I have got to quit spending so much time hanging out with Bigfoot and get up to speed on my cryptids.)

While you go out searching for Sheesquatch photo ops, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to sink your teeth into…

Twins

TWINS (2018)
“The massacre of the Levi family, of which only adopted twins Eva and Greta survive, pits priests Father Michel and Father Paul against the powers of evil, both convinced that the twins are diabolical. The girls are then confined to a halfway house, where a series of mysterious deaths occur, requiring the intervention of Police Commissioner Zanda, who fails to come up with any answers. Recruited by Bishop Tarcisi Lombard, the two priests set out on what will be a no-holds-barred fight against the twins.”

Somebody massacred the Levi family? Dang — now where am I gonna get my evil pants?

You're Not Alone

YOU’RE NOT ALONE (2018)
“After the premature death of her estranged husband, Emma regains custody of their young daughter Isla and hopes to rebuild their relationship after many years apart. But when an evil entity begins to torment them, mother and daughter are forced to face the inexplicable presence that inhabits the walls of their new home.”

Inexplicable presence in the walls, my foot — it’s radioactive rats. Or rat-sized ants that may or may not be radioactive.

Perfect

PERFECT (2018)
“A boy in a cold and stark modern house, in a vaguely science fictional world, is seduced by advertisements of perfection to install implantable characteristics directly into his body. The implants heal his dark, twisted visions, but come with a corporeal cost. He persists on applying them, hoping to reach perfection, but ultimately he discovers that purity of mind is not exactly as he’s imagined.”

All my dark and twisted visions come from implanting beer in my body. Being vaguely science fictional never tasted so good, especially when chilled to a crisp 41° degrees.

Tigers Are Not Afraid

TIGERS ARE NOT AFRAID (2018/2019)
“A dark fairy tale about a gang of five children trying to survive the horrific violence of the cartels and the ghosts created every day by the drug war.”

Time to all in Sheepsquatch to go all barnyard on those mean criminals.

Bigfoot’s Big Butte

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sasquatch Mountain

In Sasquatch Mountain (aka, Devil On The Mountain/2006) — his third role in a Sasquatch flick — the legendary Lance Henriksen is the go-to guy for movies about Bigfoot. They should just start calling him “Hairy and the Henriksen.” (OK, now THAT was pretty darn clever.) Lance, though, is way more cooler as a hardened mountain man than I would’ve been. Hard to sell yourself as a believable outdoorsman while wearing a KISS T-shirt that smells like Bounce™.

Sasquatch Mountain

A gang of bank robbers steal money from Lance’s small town bank and kill a cop in the process. Making a frantic getaway, they’re involved in a car crash with a supermodel with a low top who was making her getaway from a lousy marriage. The criminals take the supermodel hostage and head for the hills. Guess who lives there — Lance…and Sasquatch.

Sasquatch Mountain

The mythical (ahem) beast is the reason Lance’s wife was killed 12 years earlier. No one believed him, so he kinda became that guy who “saw a UFO” type dude. While the criminals run through the woods, so doth Sasquatch, snapping in half the good guys because hey, Sas can’t differentiate between those that point guns at him and those that flee.

Sasquatch Mountain

The cops follow and it turns into a stand-off until Sasquatch balances the scales of justice. Now the criminals and the cops have to work together to escape Sasquatch’s fuzzy wrath. Lots of character development with colorful dialogue. But it’s Lance who outshines them all. (He even calls one of the criminals “Pumpkinhead,” a tongue-in-cheek reference to his other mythical beast movie.)

Sasquatch Mountain

Sasquatch, though, is overly hairy and looks like a heavy metal King Kong, but not as tall. He has a great howl, that will make your butt hairs stand on end — your REAR end.

Sasquatch Mountain

Craig Wasson, who plays the lead criminal, hasn’t changed his hair since Nightmare on Elm Street III: Dream Warriors(1987) And that was 20 years ago. Then again, I haven’t changed my hair since birth. Sasquatch Mountain has its flaws (unlikely cop and criminal behavior patterns/situations), but hey, what Sasquatch movie doesn’t? Until I star in one, anyway.

Bigtime Bigfoot, Erotic Horror, Giant Worms

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

It’s official — Bigfoot has finally made the big time. (Just kidding — BF’s always been the king.) I’m talking, though about the latest Sasquatch movie, called Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn, which makes its debut on Fathom Events’ one-night-only premier on the big screen on Tuesday, February 27, 2018. It must be a good movie for it have this kind of coming out party.

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

Here’s what goes down: “Lost deep in the forest of the Pacific Northwest, Ashley and Max Carr are stalked by a terrifying creature that might be Bigfoot. Soon they find themselves embroiled in a strange land of Native American myth and legend turned real. Hopelessly trying to survive, with a handful of unsavory locals, they must fight back against this monster in a desperate battle of life or death.”

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

Sounds cool. I hope Bigfoot turns ‘em all into outdoor oatmeal. Yeah, going to the movies has gotten really expensive over the last year. (Nearly $10 for a large popcorn? Gimme a break.) But hey, Bigfoot on a screen the size of a side of a house. Come to think of it, Bigfoot is the size of a side of a house as well. So I’m thinkin’ win/win.

Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn

If Primal Rage: Bigfoot Reborn isn’t playing near wherever you’re munching on a lot less expensive store-bought popcorn, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not deserve a shot at the big screen — unless you have a 60-inch TV. In which case, go about your business…

Compulsion

COMPULSION (March 6, 2018)
Sadie, a budding erotic novelist, is enticed by an ex-lover to join him and an enigmatic woman named Francesca at an Italian Villa. Once there, Sadie is confronted by the demons of her past as she becomes embroiled in a surreal game of murder and betrayal.”

Possible warning: There may be naked nudity in this one. Whenever the word “erotic” is used to describe a movie, you know pants are coming off. Speaking of, time for me to go take an erotic shower.

Children of the Corn: Runaway

CHILDREN OF THE CORN: RUNAWAY (March 13, 2018)
“A young pregnant woman named Ruth who escapes a murderous child cult in a small Midwestern town. She then spends the next decade living anonymously in an attempt to spare her son the horrors that she experienced as a child. She lands in the small Oklahoma town…but something is following her. Now, she must confront this evil or lose her child.”

This is the 10th (!) installment of the Corn-y Children, which began its unlikely run in 1984. That another one is coming out makes about as much sense as all those Amityville Horror movie sequels (20+ —yeesh!). Was never a fan, though. I do like corn, however.

A Quiet Place

A QUIET PLACE (April 6, 2018)
“A family lives an isolated existence in utter silence, for fear of an unknown threat that follows and attacks at any sound.”

The trailer for this one is crazy cool. The family soundproofed their lives so they don’t call down whatever evil icky thing wants to deathify ‘em, going so far as to learn sign language to communicate. But what happens after a nice quiet dinner eating healthy steamed broccoli and someone farts? I’ve heard of passing gas as being “silent but deadly,” but this time it’s for real.

Tremors: A Cold Day In Hell

TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL (2018)
“The sequel finds Burt Gummer and his son Travis at a remote research station, where they must go up against Graboids that have been converted into living weapons.”

The 6th installment of the people-eating underground giant worm creatures. These “Graboids” can hear you tromping around topside, hone in your dinner bell and swish — nothin’ but neck. Hey, maybe Graboids are the monsters in The Quiet Place. Food for thought. Heh.

Cloverfield in Space, The Search for Bigfoot, Mutant Fish ‘n Chips

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Cloverfield Paradox

The big horror/sci-fi news came on the cleated heels of Superbowl LIIThe Cloverfield Paradox (2018), a highly anticipated installment in the Cloverfield franchise — showed up on Netflix™ the second the world’s most overpaid football game ended. This caused my blood pressure to go off the charts as the movie was first titled God Particle. Then it had a movie theater release date, but scrapped that a the last minute and put it up on Netflix™. I did what anyone would do in this situation — drink a refreshing adult beverage to regain self control, and then watched it.

Here’s the premise…

“An American space station that, after an accident with a particle accelerator, suddenly finds that Earth has vanished altogether. Things get stranger when they then pick up traces of another space station nearby.”

The Cloverfield Paradox

Rather bland considering it was meant to tie up loose ends left loose by Cloverfield (2008) and 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016). But critics were not impressed and had this to say about the admittedly confusing movie: “A trainwreck of a sci-fi flick bent on extending a franchise that should have died a peaceful death almost exactly one decade ago…”Hollywood Reporter; “While there are a handful of nifty sequences and good performances overall, this feels like a blown-out pilot for one of those SyFy™ series you always mean to get around to but never do…”Thrillist; and more succinctly, The Cloverfield Paradox is an unholy mess…”The Guardian. Ouch.

The Cloverfield Paradox

Whether or not you watch it and decide to go all mob mentality on The Cloverfield Paradox, here are a few more just released and upcoming horror and sci-fi documentaries/movies that may or may not turn out to be an unholy mess…

Expedition SasquatchEXPEDITION SASQUATCH (available now)
“A new documentary about the Sasquatch of Nordegg, Alberta. This area has become increasingly popular among Bigfoot researchers and enthusiasts due to the baffling tree structures that can be found in the area.”

Checked on Expedia.com and I can fly from Seattle, to Nordegg, Alberta — round-trip — for $296 smackos. Once in Nordegg (that name sounds so mad up), I’ll be able to Air BnB it with my ‘ol pal, Bigfoot. It’d be cool if he had some Unibroue La Fin Du Monde on ice waitin’ for me. That stuff is 9% alcohol and a few bottles of that will have you seeing mythical monsters all over the place.

Asylum of Fear

ASYLUM OF FEAR (available now)
“When a team of paranormal investigators is hired to inspect a soon-to-be demolished mental institution, they discover horrifying clues that reveal the cause of a violent massacre by an insane doctor in the 1960s.”

Don’t they know mental institutions are supposed to be abandoned and subsequently haunted and not knocked down to make room for YET ANOTHER Starbucks™? Still, the generic Asylum of Fear makes sense that the place was f’d up by an insane doctor. At least he was in the right place. You don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.

The Barge People

THE BARGE PEOPLE (2018)
“Set on the canals amid the glorious British countryside, two sisters and their boyfriends head off for a relaxing weekend away on a barge, unaware of the flesh-eating fish mutants lurking in the water, ready and waiting to feed.”

Flesh-eating fish mutants lining up to dine on barge food? Do fries go with that? Regardless, I’d like to reserve a table, close to the docks, if possible.

November

NOVEMBER (2018)
“The story is set in a pagan Estonian village where werewolves, the plague, and spirits roam. The villagers’ main problem is how to survive the cold, dark winter. And, to that aim, nothing is taboo. People steal from each other, from their German manor lords, and from spirits, the devil, and Christ. To guard their souls, they’ll give them away to thieving creatures made of wood and metal called Kratts, who help their masters by stealing more.”

The trailer for this is very art house-y. But gotta say, the wood and metal Kratt creatures are pretty cool and candidates for McDonald’s Happy Meal™ toys. (Last Happy Meal™ I got had a toy napkin in the box. Sure, those things are fun to play with, but I wanted a Cloverfield action figure, dang it.

Cash For Monsters, Paranormal TV, Legal Killers

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bigfoot

Here’s a slick piece of marketing — Capcom™, maker of video games — has created a promotion around Monster Hunter: World, which has already sold over 5 million copies. Teaming with The Centre of Fortean Zoology founder Jonathan Downes, Capcom™ is offering £50,000 ($70,000 USD) “to anyone who can provide conclusive evidence of one of 10 real-life monsters”.

Owlman

Fellas, get out your checkbook — of the 10 monsters, I have proof of 11. (I put Bigfoot on there twice, because he’s twice as cool as any other cryptid.) If you wanna get in on this paranormal payday action, here’s the list of Capcom’s™ Most Wanted…

• Bigfoot

• The Loch Ness Monster

• Mongolian Death Worm

• Mermaid

• Earth Hound

• The Yeti/Almasty

• Chupacabra

• The Flying Snake of Namibia

• Yowie

• Cornish Owlman

In their press release, Capcom™ says before they cough up the coin, you must provide proof of one of these monsters by June 20, 2018 in order to clock some dollaz. (After receiving the evidence, Downes and his team will analyze it, and any hunter who provides definite proof will be awarded the prize, with multiple winners splitting the pot.)

Mongolian Death Worm

Just so you know, I’m not splitting my winnings with anyone. My bar tab ain’t gonna pay for itself. (Hint: In bars is where I found most of the monsters. But look in Taco Bell™ restroom toilets for Mongolian Death Worms.)

While you get an expedition together, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth hunting down…

Red Eye

RED EYE (February 9, 2018)
Gage Barker, a young man who grew up on the tales of Red Eye as a kid, learns that there could be some truth behind these folk tales. This myth covers a violent, deranged masked murderer, who dwells in the backwoods of Black Creek, West Virginia. With a group of his friends and his camera equipment in tow, they hike into the woods to seek him out or to prove that he is nothing more than a myth.”

Violent deranged masked murderer. Four words that go together as seamlessly as “super fun happy slide.” As for the friends going into the woods to look for Red Eye (he has a conjunctivitis prone sister — Pink Eye), I call dibs on anything cool you might own.

Unsane

UNSANE (March 23, 2018)
“A young woman is involuntarily committed to a mental institution. She is then confronted by her greatest fear…but is it real or is it a product of her delusion?”

Word around the produce aisle is that this movie was shot entirely on an iPhone™. Pfffft — anyone can do that because everybody in the freaking grocery store has an iPhone™. Want to really make an impression? Trying filming a horror movie using only two empty cans of Del MonteCreamed Corn™ tethered by a long piece of wax string. All bars in all places.

The First Purge

THE FIRST PURGE (July 4, 2018)
“Behind every tradition lies a revolution. Next Independence Day, witness the rise of our country’s 12 hours of annual lawlessness. Welcome to the movement that began as a simple experiment: The First Purge. To push the crime rate below one percent for the rest of the year, the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) test a sociological theory that vents aggression for one night in one isolated community. But when the violence of oppressors meets the rage of the marginalized, the contagion will explode from the trial-city borders and spread across the nation.”

Thanks to the current political climate, this prequel makes perfect sense. But they’re overlooking the irony; the New Founding Fathers of America (NFFA) are the ones creating the public’s aggressive behavior. Why else would the clearly Republican paperboy flip me off every day? (Okay, I may have started it. But he should be the bigger person here, the punk.)

Our House

OUR HOUSE (2018)
“A young genius accidentally invents a device that amplifies the paranormal activity within his family’s house, possibly bringing back the spirits of loved ones, and unleashing things far worse.”

Uh, no — the “young genius” didn’t invent a paranormal activating amplification device. It’s already been around for multiple decades — and it’s called a “TV”. While mine doesn’t bring back spirits of dead people, if you get the expanded programming package, you can unleash all kinds of things, far worse and beyond.

200 Year-Old Monsters, Unfriended Bigfoot, Women Horror

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mary Shelley

Classic horror fans already know this Mary Shelley, the author/creator of the immortal Frankenstein was 20 years old when the book was published on January 1, 1818. That’s, like a million years ago! (Okay, more like 200, but still…)

To commemorate, Rockport Publisher’s Classics Reimagined series presents Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein: The 200th Anniversary Edition, releasing on January 16, 2018. From the press release: “With detailed and evocative imagery, renowned artist David Plunkert takes readers on a dark journey into the greatest novel in the monster genre.”

Mary Shelley

“The 256-page hardcover book features an 8-page vellum insert detailing the doctor’s designs, and a stunning, full bleed, double gatefold image of the monster. Finished with printed endpapers and painted book block, this masterpiece volume is perfect for book lovers and art lovers alike. The Classics Reimagined series is a library of stunning collector’s editions of unabridged classic novels illustrated by contemporary artists from around the world. Each artist offers his or her own unique, visual interpretation of the most well-loved, widely read, and avidly collected literature from renowned authors.”

Mary Shelly

I read the book a million years ago before I could afford a TV. But if you’re like me and have a semi-functioning television portal leading to multiple universes, here are a few now available horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make you wanna take up reading…

Bigfoot Country

BIGFOOT COUNTRY (available now/VOD)
“Some say Bigfoot is just a hoax but when a group of hikers go deep into the woods after being warned by a guide that has encountered a Sasquatch, they decide to ignore him and go off trail, but the deeper the go into the woods they realize that they are not alone. Becoming hysterical as night falls, the group is terrorized to their core and accidentally shoots and wounds a Sasquatch. Legend says the Bigfoot species simply want to be left alone but when provoked, they will protect their territory and in this case the damage has been done and there is no turning back.”

You encountered and then decided to ignore Bigfoot and then later shot him? What’s next — unfriending him on Facebook™? Hikers can be so socially cruel.

Death Island: Paranormal Retribution

DEATH ISLAND: PARANORMAL RETRIBUTION (available now/VOD)
“A team of supernatural researchers set out to shoot a documentary about hikers who vanished on a remote and desolate island in the Great Lakes, an island whose only inhabitants are 3,500 Native American graves. Despite repeated warnings from locals, they provoke the spirits of the dead and find themselves stranded and trapped in a vortex of paranormal retribution.”

3,500 graves on one island? That leaves very little room for a paranormal resort hotel and casino. I bet they have priests instead of parking valets — just in case you park on one of the graves. (They should really mark ‘em better — and not with yellow paint, which can easily be mistaken for a parking spot.)

7 From Etheria

7 FROM ETHERIA (available now/VOD)
Etheria is the world’s most respected showcase of the best new horror, comedy, science fiction, fantasy, action, and thriller films made by emerging women directors. Terrifying home invasions, unexpected carjackings, and hilarious jelly wrestling are just the start: before you’re through watching this anthology, you’ll visit a Tasmanian penal colony in 1829, prove Kurt Gödel’s time-travel theorem, be victimized by strange alien substances, and dare to venture out into a devastated nuclear wasteland.”

They had me at jelly wrestling. 2018 is the Year of the Woman, so best to rent this and when it comes to the ladies, best to keep our male yaps shut for once — unless when asking them to buy you a refreshing adult beverage without conditions.

Magellan

MAGELLAN (available now/VOD)
“When NASA picks up three signals of extraterrestrial origin coming from within our own solar system, the space agency expedites a mission to investigate the sources. As Earth’s lone emissary, they send Commander Roger Nelson, the test pilot for an experimental spacecraft called the Magellan, assisted by an onboard A.I. named Ferdinand.”

So a robot and an astronaut walk into a solar system. Sounds like a set-up of a great joke, the punchline being that  they end up picking up the bar tab for the aliens. Why else would they signal us? Earth suckers.