You’ve heard the term “final girl” in regards to horror movies, but may not know the reference: The “final girl” is a trope in horror films, particularly slasher films, and refers to the last girl or woman alive to confront the killer, ostensibly the one left to tell the story. (I totally knew what it meant, and yet I still copied it off the Internet.) A killer (sorry) example would be Laurie Strode in Halloween (1978), who barely escaped Michael Myers’ stab (sorry) at murdering. Fun fact: The term “final girl” was coined by Carol J. Clover in her 1992 book, Men, Women, and Chainsaws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film.
And what chick drink should be used to celebrate not being murdered? Why, Final Girl wine, of course! Final Girl Wines, located in Los Alamos, CA, is a culmination of the wine farmer’s mutual love of horror movies and pretentious sipping juice. The approachable blends range from Petit Verdot and Pet Nat Chenin Blanc to Dolcetto and Pet Nat Rose of Dolcetto. I have no idea WTF any of that means, but their food pairing suggestions include fish tacos, red meat, meatballs, BBQ chicken pizza, lasagna, fish & chips, Smash burgers, BBQ, sausages, and chocolate cake. (My suggested pairing: drink Final Girl wine with Smash burgers because you drink alcohol to get smashed. See what I just did there?)
So while you silly wine drinkers click this to get a $20 bottle or two of Final Girl wine instead of beer (subject to Happy Hour market price), which pairs with itself and EVERY food on the planet, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not carry a cork fee…
MALAM PARA JAHANAM / Out now (Indonesia), Release pending US
“A village haunted by evil spirits is plagued with suffering three nights of hell annually.”
Only three nights? Try being married. P.S. I’m not married…but I’ve heard things. P.S.S. The title translates to Night of the Wicked. You should probably write that down. Just in case.
SCREATURE OF THE LAGOON / December 26, 2023 (VOD, DVD)
“Matt Logan, an ex-special forces soldier and known as the man who can track down anyone, is given the job of finding a military experiment-gone-wrong known as Screature. Logan leads his band of mercenaries into the woods on what might be their final mission: find Screature and return it.”
The military has to hire the military. That’s like hiring a barber to cut another barber’s hair.
BOGGY CREEK — THE SERIES / December 26, 2023 (VOD, DVD)
Head to the legendary backwoods of Boggy Creek, Arkansas in the complete first season of Boggy Creek — The Series. Join the American Yeti Project as they investigate the strange events surround the spooky swamp and its unique denizens. You’ll encounter the Witch of Boggy Creek, the Scarecrow of Boggy Creek, and the fabled Bigfoot monster itself.”
This one’s based on The Legend of Boggy Creek, a 1972 American docudrama horror film about a Bigfoot-type creature seen/encountered in Fouke, AK since the 1940s. That makes Bigfoot around 80 years old. He doesn’t look a day over 60. Chalk that up to a healthy outdoor lifestyle.
MAYHEM! / January 5, 2024 (VOD, Theaters)
“Sam is a professional boxer about to be released from prison in France. But while on parole his past catches up with him and he is forced to flee the country. Five years later, he has rebuilt a simple life on an exotic island in Thailand with his wife and her daughter Dara, working multiple jobs to support his family and buy a piece of land to build a restaurant. As his life begins to improve, a job gone wrong puts Sam in the cross-hairs of local crime lord Narong, who retaliates with brutal violence. Crushed but still alive, Sam is left with only one purpose: to seek merciless and bone-breaking vengeance.”
Merciless bone-breaking violence. Is this a movie or a WWE™ Hell In The Cell pay-per-view?
Drinkin' & Drive-in 